"Look for the helpers." feedback

[A.C. Smith]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=odrp2012&thread=17053

I went in a completely different direction this week with my RP. With Smith's character what it is, there was no way a normal, Smith-style RP would have cut the mustard, and what resulted was...this.

I'm curious to see how it went over, what you all think, what you liked/disliked about it, etc. I've tried not to ask for feedback much, but in this case, I'd really like to hear any thoughts people have about what I wrote.

[Buckson Gooch]

Apr 17, 2013 12:27:05 GMT -4 A.C. Smith said:

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=odrp2012&thread=17053

I went in a completely different direction this week with my RP. With Smith's character what it is, there was no way a normal, Smith-style RP would have cut the mustard, and what resulted was...this.

I'm curious to see how it went over, what you all think, what you liked/disliked about it, etc. I've tried not to ask for feedback much, but in this case, I'd really like to hear any thoughts people have about what I wrote.

I'm big on adding real emotion to RPs. I thought you did a very good job at showing your feelings for 9/11 as well as comparing that to your feelings about the Boston bombing.

I think this is a very solid RP and a style that you could incorporate more often.

When you talked about history between you and Envi, I wanted to hear more. I wanted to see how far back we could go and what Envi would respond with pertaining to those battles (which I'm sure were epic)

I'd like to see Smith retell some of the horrific stories he encountered as a cop that hardened him as a person or softened his heart and how that has effected who he is today and how he handles certain things and certain people.

To tell a personal story, I dated a girl in college who grew up in foster care. One night I was tickling her and she just started hauling off and hitting me and started yelling. I knew there was more to the story so I didn't get mad. We drove to get something to eat and she explained why she responded that way. When she was a kid, some people held her down and tickled her until she pee'd on herself and then proceeded to make fun of her about it. After I knew that, I didn't tickle her anymore. I knew the damage it caused.

I imagine that would strengthen Smith in some ways and also allow him to be vulnerable in others, which makes for a great dynamic in RPs.

You already have an awesome character, so take my feedback with a grain of salt. I only responded b/c of my respect for you and the fact you asked for it b/c you were doing something different.

Cheers!

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

Let me begin by saying that this is my first foray into your literary works, so I'm looking at it for what it is rather than comparing to something else.

I liked the Boston/911 talk. Idk if you're face or heel, but even if you broke kayfabe to be upset about the tragedy makes AC feel more like a real NYC guy and not just a wrestler playing the gimmick of "New Yorker".

I also think the Mr Rogers reference went a long way to establish personal connection to the events. This may sound ass backwards but, to me, the whole mess reminding you of an obscure childhood memory affected me more than a "I knew someone that was there" would've. I guess it was more genuine, maybe?

Honestly, since you knew this was a break-from-the-norm promo, I'd've just cut the trash talk entirely. As it stood, it felt like you started it but didn't really compose a full portion of smack.

Now, I was raised in MVW where half the wrestlers' narratives didn't even mention wrestling at all. That said, I've seen plenty of awesome promos that sidestepped the match itself.

I think if you ever find yourself having a story that encompasses the bulk of your word count, I'd say just stick with the narrative.

In this case, I don't think you could've said anything about Callahan or Envi that would've been more memorable than 3950 words about the bombing, then just your "Boston, this Thursday night is for you".

But again, great work.