Feedback on Story and Roleplay

[Shadow]

Good morning all,

With the roleplays for this week in I was wondering if anyone would be willing to provide feedback on my latest roleplay.

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=odrp2012&action=display&thread=17060

I understand this story I am running in my roleplay sparked an outcry and I would like to continue this a bit and draw it out, because well controversy sells. Feedback on all aspects are welcome. I no longer have access to a MS word program so I am relying on wordpad (which has no spell check and no word counter) to write my roleplays and online spelling/word counters to tell me where I am at. So if those are an issue and you know a good spell check/word counter I'm all ears.

Thank you in advance to those who will contribute I will continue to try leaving Overdrive feedback every week. Good luck to everyone tonight

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

First off, spellcheck.net & wordcounttool.com. WCT can't autodetect code & not count it, but I've developed a habit of writing first & coding later anyway.

About the story, I appreciate you taking something and turning it into a full fledged story and plugging in all the plot holes. I'm huge on realism - I've been trying to prove for years how promo = winning in a way that makes sense in the real world - so I liked that, and I don't want you to think this was a failed idea just because it ended in a loss.

That said, I feel like in this particular instance you probably put Envi over more than yourself because to be honest, as a fan, what I got is "Envi knows how to get in people's head" not "Shadow don't take no crap from nobody". Maybe switch the order & cut a suggestive RP, then post news about APW's "VCA" refuting them in a way that sounds guilty. Something like that. Because unfortunately, without people knowing in advance that it was a work, they probably took the news post differently.

Hope that was helpful.