My Newest RP

[Jake Titan]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=17130

I'm still trying to figure out who my main cast will be. Naturally I'm going with the Roberts family as they can easily give me a lot to work with and what the Hell, Leon doesn't mind if I use them as I do have his Skype.

I want everyones opinion on my newest role play. How's my story telling. How about my jokes? Is my shit talking good enough?

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

I think it's good work, and your record speaks for itself.

Only two things I would say that could elevate it:

-Give supporting cast a font color. It's a little hard for an ADD guy like me to read when people's talking and narration are the same color.

-Your "accent" was inconsistent. The first paragraph of your words had a lot of dem and a' type stuff, which is fine, but then over the course of the promo, you started talking more normal.

I think your character is well defined and I think using Roberts' Canadian family is the right call because that's a character type that could fit very well as a straight-man to Jake's hijinx.

Hope that was helpful.

[Jason Cashe]

^ Really nailed on point with the few things that could be spiced up. Also when referencing Foul Play, it's Lively not Callahan who leads the group. Not sure if it was you or Titan who had that in an rp but yeah. Other than that I sought you out to work with because of the potential to grow that you have. If making you better by working with you helps the Tag Division, helps you as a writer in this game then I'm all for it. So you're doing well and on your way...

[Jake Titan]

The reason Jake goes from talking like "Dem assclowns are a buncha bustas" to "Them assclows are a bunch of busters." is because Liberty gets a head ache from him speaking Ghetto, so for her he speaks better. But when he's with Leon, I try and keep him as ghetto as humanly possible... or as much as I know/remember.

I'll start using more color with main caster (Jake, Leon, Demonica, Randy & Liberty and anyone else that is going to be big comming up.).

I'm not sure who leads Foul Play, so that was a mistake on my behalf more so than Jake's. It's like when I called them Fowl Play, that's a clearly Jake's shot at them.

Thank you for the compliments, hopefully I do better next time against Niobe because I'm a little confused. Both sexually and mentally .

[Jason Cashe]

Fowl Play

That bastard! Haha