Sampson Cyprus - So far

[sampsoncyprus]

Hey guys,

I am asking for Feedback on Sampson Cyprus as he is so far. I have a couple concerns.

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=meltdownrp&action=display&thread=17187

First: Character Interest
It has been a long time since I joined an efed. Sampson is very new to me so he is a very interesting character for me to play. Is he fun to read? Is he a consistent experience when read? If not, where might I improve?


Second: Acknowledging the camera
I have always written wrestling related roleplay a in a tv segment format but in looking around I notice others have long periods of thought which are helpful for character development but impossible to communicate without a voice over. Should roleplays be television segments?


Third: Length
My stuff is relatively short but I feel I am delivering everything I have to say. Am I missing something?

I really appreciate any feedback received to help me develop my character.

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

I'll begin with the grain of salt lecture: I'm an experienced guy in the e-fed world, but 3-5 lifetime in APW so if my advice contradicts someone more credible in this environment, please go with them instead.

1) I think you have a very interesting character and your promo work is locked in. The chip crunching was a nice touch that shows your experience. I see you as kind of a Gran Torino with a little Steve Austin thrown in, and to me, that's not a generic output by any means. I also like how you handled London Carter. You no-sold a key facet of his gimmick, but by doing it the way you did, you kept your credibility and, frankly, that felt spot on to what I feel like Sampson is.

2 & 3) These two intertwine, and my advice is to look at Yanzel Holmes & CJ Gates' work, just to see how they have character development segments, and then sort of break off and do their "on-camera trash talk". Your "undefeated" RP would've been a great smack talk segment that would win you a match against a lot of people, and you have enough words left to throw in a good CD segment.

Now as far as those go, you don't need to get fancy. Again, CJ's a great example. He has a few characters that he interacts with and, by his choice, he doesn't even stray too far from who he is. What I mean is he still talks about being a wrestler and his upcoming match, but it's in the context of his private life instead of on-camera.

So my advice would be to just add some CD stuff, and since you're a clean slate, you can do whatever you want. Have a "weekly poker game" where you and your buddies gripe about current events, how kids these days suck, and how your next opponent is case-in-point. Or maybe throw in an ex-wife who left you because you drink too much. It can really be whatever you want, and it doesn't have to be too involved. Just something to make the reader more invested in Sampson.

Again, you're more than on the right track, and you have a bright future here. I look forward to what's next.

[Jason Cashe]

I liked the rp, no I mean I literally "LIKE" it. My suggestion here is to go through the weeks for a minute. Get some more rps under your belt before coming for Feedback because it's too fresh to know where you're going or give any real stuff to feedback on. Also when you ask for feedback, we ask to have a link posted with your request so that "Lazy" folks can go straight to it while they give feedback. Outside of that, I look to your next few rps before I'll hit you up on PM for some feedback. I like what is there for the first post though. I wanna talk to Sampson!

[sampsoncyprus]

Thank you both for your feedback. I will continue to work at improving Sampson. Jason, I realize its pretty early to seek feedback on this character. Thank you for the words on this most recent post. I will be sure to post links in any future feedback threads. I'll do some work over the next couple weeks and look forward to your PM

Ellis thank you for the reference materials and the idea. A poker night sounds like exactly the sort of thing Sampson would do with his free time. Having read over a few rps from CJ I can see how the transition from CD to promo can be made pretty easily. I'll look into Yanzel a bit more closely this evening. I'm glad the bitter old man-ness of Sampson is bringing Gran Turino to mind. That's pretty much exactly what I saw shooting for in his trash talk!