Post by The Red Scorpion on May 16, 2013 15:48:01 GMT -4
The dark room shows no sign of life. The silent hum of what could either be an air conditioner or a breezy cave blurs in the background.
Red Scorpion: Welcome, to the Scorpion’s lair. Where nightmares are reality... those are the places that I call home. Your deepest fears are where I dwell... your biggest insecurities will be exploited because when I look into your eyes... I can see into your souls. I can see the sadness you had when your pet goldfish died... I can see the torture in your being from tragedies... well, what you call tragedies... I make my home in your nightmares... my nightmares... well... those can’t be put into human words. The things I’m scared of would make you defecate, regurgitate, and urinate all at the same time... So I’ll keep those things to myself.
A deep gravely breath purses through the dark, presumably damp, air.
Red Scorpion: The impact I made on Meltdown is only the beginning. I’m 9-0 now in my APW career. I say 9-0 because I defeated a few people today...no cameras were there...so you’ll have to believe me... and why wouldn’t you? I’m lethal... I’m dangerous... I’m obviously the best in the world... or dare I say universe. This is only the beginning... I am the reigning APW Revolution Champion... I am a champion with honor and I will defend my title... 24 hours a day and 7 days a week... the only time the belt isn’t on the line is when I’m competing... when I’m competing, that’s an opportunity for people to take notes. To watch what a great wrestler does. To see my movements. To see my invigorating aerials... To watch my bonecrushing ground game... To watch my facebreaking punches... This, is the favor to the APW community... or dare I say... to the wrestling universe.
A match strikes across the mask of a... well... a masked Red Scorpion and ignites. He holds the flame to the wick of a candle and the room slowly is illuminated. We appear to be in a dark basement. There are things on the wall and in the corners of the room, but our focus is on the masked man sitting behind the candle.
The Red Scorpion waives his finger through the flame showing that if you do that quickly you won’t burn yourself.
The Red Scorpion: I’ve always been interested in fire. Much like my finger, if you move through fire fast enough, you won’t get burned. Unfortunately the Emerald Assasin and Evan McDonald will not be able to move quickly from the fire that is my offense. I have an array of awesome moves that will not only hurt or burn, but will maim who they come in contact with.
The Scorpion’s breath accidentally blows out the candle. He strikes another match and tries to regain his composure.
The Red Scorpion: This town is only big enough for one masked man, Emerald Assassin. That one man is The Red Scorpion. This town, just happens to be Meltdown. But I’ll go ahead and do you a favor. The humiliation that I’m about to inflict on Evan McDonald and you will be laid out with such a thorough beating that will not only shock the crowd, but will awe management... I believe there is a good chance that I will get called up to Overdrive or Asylum by the end of the night.
Scorpion runs his finger through the flame again.
The Red Scorpion: That will be a record time... but I take this back... Emerald Assasin. You very well may be my nemesis. Superman had Lex Luthor... Batman had Joker... well, in this case. I’m Batman and Joker tied into one and you are Robin... and I’m not talking about cool Robin, I’m talking 1960’s Robin wearing panty hose and a little black mask. I’m sure you and I will battle over good and evil... I’m sure you are good... and I know I’m Evviillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
The sound of a crack of thunder hits in perfect time, but Scorpion ends up dropping something... it was his smart phone. He downloaded an app with sound effects.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin, the fans will want to see good triumph over evil... but this will not happen. That won’t happen because I don’t want it to. I want to win. So my good may be evil but your evil is good. So I’m the good guy in this...
He looks off trying to do calculations in his head, he realises what he’s said.
The Red Scorpion: We’ll fix that in editing... Starting back in 3... 2... 1...
Scorpion shakes his head and starts again.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin, the fans will want to see good triumph over evil... but this will not happen. Because I’m going to win. I’m bigger than you. I’m stronger than you. I’m smarter than you. I’m a better dancer than you. I can make a swan with origami. Everyone watches out when I front flip, and they cry when I backflip. And people fear my karateeeeeee.
He chops at the air.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin... you will be a disappointment. I will now make it my life’s goal to ensure that you NEVER finish your training so that you can be a masked vigilante. You will be a disappointment in Stacy’s eyes is another goal of mine. As a matter of fact, I want to find Stacy, I’m sure she would dig me over a dufus like you. If Stacy’s Mom is single, she will probably want to date me too. I would probably take her out for a night on the town. Maybe catch a play and then listen to jazz music. Stacy on the other hand, I’d probably take her sky diving and go eat at a little vegan bar that... well... I don’t know any... but I’d find one for Stacy. Then we’d go get a turkey leg at a Renaissance Fair... Long story short, I have game. You don’t have the game I’ve got. I don’t like emerald either. So... my life goal now is to stop your life goals. Get it?
There sounds like an earthquake in the wall and laundry falls in a basket from a laundry shoot behind our masked MegaStar. He tries to play it off, but gets a text on his smart phone... He gets up from the table and goes over to the camera.
The Red Scorpion: I’ll put this on pause... There we go...
Scorpion walks over and separates the colors and whites and starts to yell a song...
He pours in the proper amount of detergent and then adds fabric softner... we wouldn’t want an evil masked genius, best wrestler ever to have scratchy clothes would we? He grabs a shout color grabbing sheet and tosses it in the washing machine too. Don’t want the colors to bleed.
Amirite?
He lets out a big stinky fart and uses his hand to waft it up so he can smell it.
The Red Scorpion: Ewww. Normally I can tolerate the smell of my own brand, but that’s just naaaaaaaaaaasty.
Scorpion leaves what appears to be his Scorpion Fog (that could be a finisher) and looks at the camera.
The Red Scorpion: Oops, I didn’t hit pause. I’ll fix it later.
Scorpion sits back down and places his hands on the table menacingly.
The Red Scorpion: Evan McDonald! You are next! This may be our only encounter because unlike Emarald Assassin, I don’t want to ruin your life...I just want to end your career. You are no superhero...you are barely a MegaStar. If there were a 4th brand on APW, they’d put you on there...and you’d still open the show. I imagine that show would be done in flea markets and in the parking lot of a WalMart in the south. You’d cut a promo that would sound like you have marbles in your mouth, and the bucktooth, pregnant, women wiping the tobacco juice from their chins would raise their fat, grubby hands in the air and taunt you. “You tawk funny!” and “ I bet you got the Irish Curse!” would be some of the tamest insults. The men, with their spaghetti stained wifebeaters, guts dropping from the bottom and overlapping their stretchy waisted pants would yell at you things that you wouldn’t even understand...not because you aren’t intelligent, but because their English is so bad it’s hard to understand...That would be the life you live...and when you are in the ring with me...that would be the life you would desire. The other thing is...you are ugly. Evan McDonald doesn’t have the sense to wear a mask. He needs to. He is very ugly. I wear a mask so I can function day to day without be swarmed by many fans. People would drive from miles around just to try to possess something I’ve once touched. They would treat them like historic relics... but you have to understand, the reason that I cannot allow that to happen is for the sake of my friends and family. How would you like to have a deranged wrestling fan in your yard tearing the paneling from your house because their favorite wrestler once had mac’n’cheese there? But Evan McDonald doesn’t have that problem. He is ugly.
Scorpion runs his finger through the flame again.
Red Scorpion: To all of my haters, I can’t help but notice that the word “Awesome” starts with “me” and the word “Ugly” starts with “U”. Which brings me to my next point...
The light flicks on and Red Scorpion looks around frantically.
The Red Scorpion: MOM! I’M TAPING A PROMO! TURN OFF THE LIGHT! I’LL DO THE DISHES WHEN I’M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN OFF THE LIGHT!!!!!!!
The light flicks off and you hear a door shut at the top of the stairs.
The Red Scorpion: Now where were we?
The light flicks back on.
The Red Scorpion: MOM! YOU’VE RUINED IT! WAIT...what?
Muffled voice from upstairs.
The Red Scorpion: SUNNY D? AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Scorpion blows out the candle and reaches over turning off the camera.
Red Scorpion: Welcome, to the Scorpion’s lair. Where nightmares are reality... those are the places that I call home. Your deepest fears are where I dwell... your biggest insecurities will be exploited because when I look into your eyes... I can see into your souls. I can see the sadness you had when your pet goldfish died... I can see the torture in your being from tragedies... well, what you call tragedies... I make my home in your nightmares... my nightmares... well... those can’t be put into human words. The things I’m scared of would make you defecate, regurgitate, and urinate all at the same time... So I’ll keep those things to myself.
A deep gravely breath purses through the dark, presumably damp, air.
Red Scorpion: The impact I made on Meltdown is only the beginning. I’m 9-0 now in my APW career. I say 9-0 because I defeated a few people today...no cameras were there...so you’ll have to believe me... and why wouldn’t you? I’m lethal... I’m dangerous... I’m obviously the best in the world... or dare I say universe. This is only the beginning... I am the reigning APW Revolution Champion... I am a champion with honor and I will defend my title... 24 hours a day and 7 days a week... the only time the belt isn’t on the line is when I’m competing... when I’m competing, that’s an opportunity for people to take notes. To watch what a great wrestler does. To see my movements. To see my invigorating aerials... To watch my bonecrushing ground game... To watch my facebreaking punches... This, is the favor to the APW community... or dare I say... to the wrestling universe.
A match strikes across the mask of a... well... a masked Red Scorpion and ignites. He holds the flame to the wick of a candle and the room slowly is illuminated. We appear to be in a dark basement. There are things on the wall and in the corners of the room, but our focus is on the masked man sitting behind the candle.
The Red Scorpion waives his finger through the flame showing that if you do that quickly you won’t burn yourself.
The Red Scorpion: I’ve always been interested in fire. Much like my finger, if you move through fire fast enough, you won’t get burned. Unfortunately the Emerald Assasin and Evan McDonald will not be able to move quickly from the fire that is my offense. I have an array of awesome moves that will not only hurt or burn, but will maim who they come in contact with.
The Scorpion’s breath accidentally blows out the candle. He strikes another match and tries to regain his composure.
The Red Scorpion: This town is only big enough for one masked man, Emerald Assassin. That one man is The Red Scorpion. This town, just happens to be Meltdown. But I’ll go ahead and do you a favor. The humiliation that I’m about to inflict on Evan McDonald and you will be laid out with such a thorough beating that will not only shock the crowd, but will awe management... I believe there is a good chance that I will get called up to Overdrive or Asylum by the end of the night.
Scorpion runs his finger through the flame again.
The Red Scorpion: That will be a record time... but I take this back... Emerald Assasin. You very well may be my nemesis. Superman had Lex Luthor... Batman had Joker... well, in this case. I’m Batman and Joker tied into one and you are Robin... and I’m not talking about cool Robin, I’m talking 1960’s Robin wearing panty hose and a little black mask. I’m sure you and I will battle over good and evil... I’m sure you are good... and I know I’m Evviillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
The sound of a crack of thunder hits in perfect time, but Scorpion ends up dropping something... it was his smart phone. He downloaded an app with sound effects.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin, the fans will want to see good triumph over evil... but this will not happen. That won’t happen because I don’t want it to. I want to win. So my good may be evil but your evil is good. So I’m the good guy in this...
He looks off trying to do calculations in his head, he realises what he’s said.
The Red Scorpion: We’ll fix that in editing... Starting back in 3... 2... 1...
Scorpion shakes his head and starts again.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin, the fans will want to see good triumph over evil... but this will not happen. Because I’m going to win. I’m bigger than you. I’m stronger than you. I’m smarter than you. I’m a better dancer than you. I can make a swan with origami. Everyone watches out when I front flip, and they cry when I backflip. And people fear my karateeeeeee.
He chops at the air.
The Red Scorpion: Emerald Assassin... you will be a disappointment. I will now make it my life’s goal to ensure that you NEVER finish your training so that you can be a masked vigilante. You will be a disappointment in Stacy’s eyes is another goal of mine. As a matter of fact, I want to find Stacy, I’m sure she would dig me over a dufus like you. If Stacy’s Mom is single, she will probably want to date me too. I would probably take her out for a night on the town. Maybe catch a play and then listen to jazz music. Stacy on the other hand, I’d probably take her sky diving and go eat at a little vegan bar that... well... I don’t know any... but I’d find one for Stacy. Then we’d go get a turkey leg at a Renaissance Fair... Long story short, I have game. You don’t have the game I’ve got. I don’t like emerald either. So... my life goal now is to stop your life goals. Get it?
There sounds like an earthquake in the wall and laundry falls in a basket from a laundry shoot behind our masked MegaStar. He tries to play it off, but gets a text on his smart phone... He gets up from the table and goes over to the camera.
The Red Scorpion: I’ll put this on pause... There we go...
Scorpion walks over and separates the colors and whites and starts to yell a song...
He pours in the proper amount of detergent and then adds fabric softner... we wouldn’t want an evil masked genius, best wrestler ever to have scratchy clothes would we? He grabs a shout color grabbing sheet and tosses it in the washing machine too. Don’t want the colors to bleed.
Amirite?
He lets out a big stinky fart and uses his hand to waft it up so he can smell it.
The Red Scorpion: Ewww. Normally I can tolerate the smell of my own brand, but that’s just naaaaaaaaaaasty.
Scorpion leaves what appears to be his Scorpion Fog (that could be a finisher) and looks at the camera.
The Red Scorpion: Oops, I didn’t hit pause. I’ll fix it later.
Scorpion sits back down and places his hands on the table menacingly.
The Red Scorpion: Evan McDonald! You are next! This may be our only encounter because unlike Emarald Assassin, I don’t want to ruin your life...I just want to end your career. You are no superhero...you are barely a MegaStar. If there were a 4th brand on APW, they’d put you on there...and you’d still open the show. I imagine that show would be done in flea markets and in the parking lot of a WalMart in the south. You’d cut a promo that would sound like you have marbles in your mouth, and the bucktooth, pregnant, women wiping the tobacco juice from their chins would raise their fat, grubby hands in the air and taunt you. “You tawk funny!” and “ I bet you got the Irish Curse!” would be some of the tamest insults. The men, with their spaghetti stained wifebeaters, guts dropping from the bottom and overlapping their stretchy waisted pants would yell at you things that you wouldn’t even understand...not because you aren’t intelligent, but because their English is so bad it’s hard to understand...That would be the life you live...and when you are in the ring with me...that would be the life you would desire. The other thing is...you are ugly. Evan McDonald doesn’t have the sense to wear a mask. He needs to. He is very ugly. I wear a mask so I can function day to day without be swarmed by many fans. People would drive from miles around just to try to possess something I’ve once touched. They would treat them like historic relics... but you have to understand, the reason that I cannot allow that to happen is for the sake of my friends and family. How would you like to have a deranged wrestling fan in your yard tearing the paneling from your house because their favorite wrestler once had mac’n’cheese there? But Evan McDonald doesn’t have that problem. He is ugly.
Scorpion runs his finger through the flame again.
Red Scorpion: To all of my haters, I can’t help but notice that the word “Awesome” starts with “me” and the word “Ugly” starts with “U”. Which brings me to my next point...
The light flicks on and Red Scorpion looks around frantically.
The Red Scorpion: MOM! I’M TAPING A PROMO! TURN OFF THE LIGHT! I’LL DO THE DISHES WHEN I’M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!! TURN OFF THE LIGHT!!!!!!!
The light flicks off and you hear a door shut at the top of the stairs.
The Red Scorpion: Now where were we?
The light flicks back on.
The Red Scorpion: MOM! YOU’VE RUINED IT! WAIT...what?
Muffled voice from upstairs.
The Red Scorpion: SUNNY D? AWESOME!!!!!!!!
Scorpion blows out the candle and reaches over turning off the camera.
