Post by The Red Scorpion on May 26, 2013 19:59:25 GMT -4
It is dark as our scene opens. Only mild illumination from above alerts us to the fact that the camera is even on. And yet out of the darkness emerges a voice. One voice.
Red Scorpion: All day, every day. A majestic person comes along. It’s just a factor of life, of life and times as my old man used to say. And still does, because he’s alive. Anyway, life and times and the facts therefore. It’s beautiful, this sort of person that enters the world. They’re beautiful. *I* am beautiful. And it all…err…mostly has to do with one thing: winning.
Several lights flash on, revealing The Red Scorpion standing in his flashiest outfit, wearing the APW Revolution Championship around his waist. He spreads his arms wide as a round of applause is heard, like that of a pre-recorded studio audience.
Red Scorpion: Because winners WIN! Woooooo! I say WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! When you’re like me, a winner, you can go WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And here’s why, boys and girls, ladies and gents, it’s because winners f-u-dging WIN! All I’ve done since coming to the APW is score win after win after winny-win-win! APW Revolution CHAMP in this house, along with my Mama and my fans and all you good camera folk, here to sponsor my great jam! My win/loss/draw sheet is FLAWLESS and without any L or D, nah’mean?? Rhyming, it’s what I do now, because every time Meltdown puts me in the ring or in the back or in the parking lot or in an Arbies, I say “POW! POW!” A-one, a-two- a-three!
Referee: Here is your winner, and STILL APW Revolution Champion…RED SCOOOOOORPIOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
The studio audience cheers again as Red Scorpion grins and flaunts himself before the camera (not sexually of course, because Scorpion’s a good boy…and Mama’s just upstairs making homemade marshmallow cubes.).
Red Scorpion: Dunno where that ref came from, but it doesn’t matter. He’s always there to make the count when it counts, which always means I’m about to win. Because winners win. And I’ll never sample the other side of life—losing--because that’s absolutely foolhardy, my loving and adoring fans, and there’s nothing foolish about the APW Revolution Champ! Forget Level-One securing Syndicate dominance and forget Terry Marvin’s sitcom level rerun reign—heck, when’s “SHOWTIME” gonna get to the GOOD parts?! Oh hoooo! And might as well say it now too: forget the OTHER Meltdown Champion, because the Revolution division is where it’s at! I’ll never relinquish myself or relieve myself to anything less than winning, and winning with the flag of this belt here.
Scorpion unstraps the belt and flaunts it into the air. A mini “boom” is heard in the background, and a tiny banner brandishing the phrase “Winners win!” unfurls behind him.
Red Scorpion: It truly weighs with an awesomeness that’s second to none…well, except myself. Check it. Hahaaaaa…who am I talking to? Oh right, Emerald Assassin. What’s up, bro? Oh wait, you’re not my bro. You’re just a future victim of the Scorpion STINGAAAAAAH! Another win tally under the winner’s tally-board of winning! Get the theme I’m shooting for, Emmy? You’re my opponent this week in Portland, Oregon—check it, you just got name-dropped Portland by The Red Scorpion. Probably the best day of your life, if states could HAVE lives! But I do, and I’m gonna use every moment of it to WIN, against you Emmy, and against everyone else in the APW. I’m the Revolution Champion for a reason, and I’m going to continue to give this belt the credit and respect it deserves, the admiration it’s been denied since I arrived. And maybe you think otherwise, Emmy? Maybe you think you can de-fang the Scorpion? …Wait, scorpions don’t have fangs…I think…I’ll check Wikipedia later—REGARDLESS…You will not preserve your weak loser skin from the Red Scorpion’s stinger, and I guarantee you will cry by the night’s end. It might be physical tears you shed, in front of all Portland and APW, or it might be inner tears of emotional sadness. Either way, I’m going to make you holler and cry, and it’ll be beautiful. About as beautiful as the winner’s square that I currently lead as Champion of Meltdown.
Close up on Scorpion’s eyes.
Red Scorpion: Brace yourself Emerald Assassin, because I’m going to turn you into an Emmy…Ass! Haha!!
Suddenly a static goes off and a voice is heard off-screen.
Mama: Reddy, your marshmallow squares are ready!
Red Scorpion: Mmmmmm! Thank goodness she didn't hear me swear. Coming Mama! See you soon, everyone!
Red Scorpion: All day, every day. A majestic person comes along. It’s just a factor of life, of life and times as my old man used to say. And still does, because he’s alive. Anyway, life and times and the facts therefore. It’s beautiful, this sort of person that enters the world. They’re beautiful. *I* am beautiful. And it all…err…mostly has to do with one thing: winning.
Several lights flash on, revealing The Red Scorpion standing in his flashiest outfit, wearing the APW Revolution Championship around his waist. He spreads his arms wide as a round of applause is heard, like that of a pre-recorded studio audience.
Red Scorpion: Because winners WIN! Woooooo! I say WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! When you’re like me, a winner, you can go WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And here’s why, boys and girls, ladies and gents, it’s because winners f-u-dging WIN! All I’ve done since coming to the APW is score win after win after winny-win-win! APW Revolution CHAMP in this house, along with my Mama and my fans and all you good camera folk, here to sponsor my great jam! My win/loss/draw sheet is FLAWLESS and without any L or D, nah’mean?? Rhyming, it’s what I do now, because every time Meltdown puts me in the ring or in the back or in the parking lot or in an Arbies, I say “POW! POW!” A-one, a-two- a-three!
Referee: Here is your winner, and STILL APW Revolution Champion…RED SCOOOOOORPIOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
The studio audience cheers again as Red Scorpion grins and flaunts himself before the camera (not sexually of course, because Scorpion’s a good boy…and Mama’s just upstairs making homemade marshmallow cubes.).
Red Scorpion: Dunno where that ref came from, but it doesn’t matter. He’s always there to make the count when it counts, which always means I’m about to win. Because winners win. And I’ll never sample the other side of life—losing--because that’s absolutely foolhardy, my loving and adoring fans, and there’s nothing foolish about the APW Revolution Champ! Forget Level-One securing Syndicate dominance and forget Terry Marvin’s sitcom level rerun reign—heck, when’s “SHOWTIME” gonna get to the GOOD parts?! Oh hoooo! And might as well say it now too: forget the OTHER Meltdown Champion, because the Revolution division is where it’s at! I’ll never relinquish myself or relieve myself to anything less than winning, and winning with the flag of this belt here.
Scorpion unstraps the belt and flaunts it into the air. A mini “boom” is heard in the background, and a tiny banner brandishing the phrase “Winners win!” unfurls behind him.
Red Scorpion: It truly weighs with an awesomeness that’s second to none…well, except myself. Check it. Hahaaaaa…who am I talking to? Oh right, Emerald Assassin. What’s up, bro? Oh wait, you’re not my bro. You’re just a future victim of the Scorpion STINGAAAAAAH! Another win tally under the winner’s tally-board of winning! Get the theme I’m shooting for, Emmy? You’re my opponent this week in Portland, Oregon—check it, you just got name-dropped Portland by The Red Scorpion. Probably the best day of your life, if states could HAVE lives! But I do, and I’m gonna use every moment of it to WIN, against you Emmy, and against everyone else in the APW. I’m the Revolution Champion for a reason, and I’m going to continue to give this belt the credit and respect it deserves, the admiration it’s been denied since I arrived. And maybe you think otherwise, Emmy? Maybe you think you can de-fang the Scorpion? …Wait, scorpions don’t have fangs…I think…I’ll check Wikipedia later—REGARDLESS…You will not preserve your weak loser skin from the Red Scorpion’s stinger, and I guarantee you will cry by the night’s end. It might be physical tears you shed, in front of all Portland and APW, or it might be inner tears of emotional sadness. Either way, I’m going to make you holler and cry, and it’ll be beautiful. About as beautiful as the winner’s square that I currently lead as Champion of Meltdown.
Close up on Scorpion’s eyes.
Red Scorpion: Brace yourself Emerald Assassin, because I’m going to turn you into an Emmy…Ass! Haha!!
Suddenly a static goes off and a voice is heard off-screen.
Mama: Reddy, your marshmallow squares are ready!
Red Scorpion: Mmmmmm! Thank goodness she didn't hear me swear. Coming Mama! See you soon, everyone!
