Post by Johnny Rebel on May 29, 2013 13:43:30 GMT -4
Rebel Rousing #13: "You Did What?"
-
-
-
"We can't keep meeting like this, Johnny," Agent Williams said while tossing his sunglasses on the table in front of him. "You're record is getting too large to fit in my desk."
"It wasn't my fault, I promise," Rebel frantically pleaded with him. "It was a simple mistake... I won't do it again!"
"That's the dilemma we're finding ourselves in," Agent Williams responded back, sympathy not his strongest suit. "We've given you several chances and it seems like every time we give you enough slack, you find just enough to hang yourself. We can't continue in this manner or we're going to have to lock you up."
It's true - Rebel hadn't handled his situation very well. He had picked up a few wins in the APW over the past few weeks but it wasn't enough for him to pack up his temporary residence down by the river. He had become a nomad, wandering from place-to-place, and it didn't matter where he wound up, it usually resulted in him sitting in handcuffs in front of Agent Williams, who had been assigned to his case.
"I warned you the last time we spoke," he scolded Rebel. "I can't continue smoothing things over with these investors, who for some reason, which I can't comprehend, want to keep dumping resource in to you. You're really blowing away the chance of a lifetime. What were you thinking?"
"Terry isn't even pressing charges!" Rebel rolled his eyes at the thought of Agent Williams throwing away everything he's worked for over the past few months. "Maggie was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"I wouldn't be worried about Terry Marvin pressing charges, Johnny. I don't exactly see him as the 'let's handle our issues in the court of law' type of guy. You exposed yourself to Maggie in the parking lot of City Park. I'd be worried about him showing up on Overdrive this week and knocking your head off of your shoulders. You can't go around wiggling your dongle around in public, especially to the girlfriend of APW's Undisputed Champion!"
"I didn't know it was her," Johnny complained. "Besides, it was only a hot dog hanging out of my zipper... there isn't a lot of time for entertainment around here when I'm sleeping in a tent. I have to take it where I can get it."
"Perhaps if you managed to work a little harder and quit blowing your earnings on useless things, maybe you'd find your way out of this mess! You can't expect to possibly go on to Test for the Best and walk away the champion while sleeping on a cot made up of stacked cardboard and grass! Even then, if you somehow miraculously weave your way through Test for the Best, you wouldn't have a snowball's chance in Haiti of making it to Shockwave! Things didn't exactly get any easier with Level-One winning the World Heavyweight Championship at Mayhem..."
"Level-One, schmevel-One!" Rebel grumbled. "He's been ducking me since he choked the tag championships away last year at Test for the Best. It'd only be appropriate that I get my hands on that scum a year later!"
"He's been ducking you?" Agent Williams shared in a chuckle. "If I remember correctly, it was you who high-tailed it to Asylum and then proceeded to get your rear handed to you by Sally Talfourd, Anthony Bailey, and the rest of the roster! You're a real piece of work. With the clumps of hair falling out of your head and your ribs sticking out like a dying dog on one of those 'Rescue the Animals' commercials, I wouldn't anticipate you doing much of anything towards Level-One but being a punching bag. The guy has a chip on his shoulder and that doesn't equate to good things for the APW."
"I'm not worried about Level-One at the moment... I've got Dan White standing in the way before him anyway. Test for the Best hasn't been too kind to me in the past and I've got a new lease on life."
"You're treading on thin ice to begin with," Agent Williams tried to reassure Rebel. "I'm not sure that I can get you off with this one. It's a felony, Johnny. They could put you behind bars for awhile and in your condition, essentially let you rot until you didn't have a hot-dog to wave around anymore! I'm serious... it's time to start considering your long term prospects as a legitimate professional wrestler. When are you going to stop dumpster diving and focusing on what's left of your career?"
"I've been winning championships while you were still wetting your diapers and screaming for mommy in your crib!" Rebel beams with pride. "I'm sick of people like you and others talking down to me because they think I'm going down the wrong path. I've chosen every step along the way and it's completely my call that I've ended up where I am. I don't need your money, or be on the bankroll of some half-witted twit that is spending Daddy's life savings so I can be their puppet!"
"Watch it..." Agent Williams pointed his finger at Rebel, who's suddenly began squirming in his chair. "You better be real careful with the next few words that you let leave your trap!"
It seemed that Agent Williams was finally prepared to grow a set and stand up to the belligerent Johnny Rebel, something few were interested in dealing with. Williams had pocketed a fair amount of money but the investors issues were mounting and Rebel couldn't stay out of trouble. The agent was spending the majority of his time padding the pockets of local judges and prosecuting attorneys to look the other way but that wasn't going to be an option if Rebel continued to find himself in custody week after week.
"First it was the incident with the ATM, where you tried to steal thousands upon thousands, while completely hammered," Williams recalled a few weeks ago where they literally sat, having almost the same discussion. "Now you're groping yourself in front of innocent women... I just don't know how much longer you can remain viable in the APW. Test for the Best may just be over your head."
"What do you want from me?" Rebel asked. "I've done everything you've asked of me since these checks started flowing in... which, if we're being honest, aren't exactly game-changing amounts! This is chump change and surely isn't intended to get me back on my feet. I beat C.J. Gates in to an oblivion and sent A.C. Smith back to the Big Apple with his tail tucked between his legs. Dan White is the absolute least of my worries! I'm planning on beating him with both arms tied behind my back and my vienna sausage hanging out of my pants..."
"This is *exactly* what I'm talking about!" Agent Williams pounded both of his fists on the table. "It's this crap that is stopping you from being the best!"
"Oh, get a grip, man!" Rebel doesn't respond favorably. "I used an all-beef footlong on Maggie Kent... you have to be full-to-scale if you're going to attract the ladies. I'll save the finger foods for White..."
"You're hopeless."
"Strange," Rebel tilted his head sideways. "If I had a dollar for every time someone has uttered that to me over the past two years..."
"You'd have enough money to move out of that tent down by the river?"
"Exactly!" Rebel shouted. "Now could you please take these cuffs off of me? They're starting to get a little tight. If you don't mind, though, I'd like to keep them. I think I could get some mileage out of them."
Rebel's worlds don't exactly fill Agent Williams up with reassurance. How could they seriously consider this man as a threat to the World Heavyweight Championship? The only person he threatened was himself and Agent Williams couldn't believe he was tasked with pushing him to the top. Rebel was only interested in a ham sandwich and subpoenas, apparently.
"No, sit there and think about what you've done, while I try and figure out what I'm going to do with you."
"Yes, mom," Rebel chides.
Williams kicks over the chair where Rebel's sitting and leaves him down on the ground.
"Real mature!"
-
-
-
"So, it figures that I'm heading to my second Test for the Best tournament... and it's eerily similar to my first go-round. A nobody that's trying desperately to make a name for themselves against Johnny Rebel with hopes of standing tall at the end of the night. Dan White, if that's you, and you're having those wet dreams, go get yourself a towel, and clean yourself of because the only chance you have of winning is if Maggie Kent finally decides she wants a bite of the Oscar Meyer and I don't show up on Thursday evening!"
"I find the fact that I'm even having to audition with such a list of infidels disgusting, but it's even more disgusting that I'm paired up against someone with the resume of a Dan White. I'm not sure he's been off of Meltdown long enough to even have a cup of coffee but yet he's already finding himself in the match of his life against Johnny Rebel. I'm not sure who you've pissed off a previous life but they aren't doing you any favors in this one!"
"The thing about a test is that you have better prepared or when the moment comes you're going to be wishing that the teacher didn't ever show up. Since I don't think you've got the wherewithal to have a cram session before the bell rings, let me give you a little study guide on the guy you're scheduled to display your acumen against. I began my APW career on one of the hottest streaks in the history of this promotion - 7-0! I demolished everyone in my sights! I'm one of the few multiple time Overdrive Champions, and the caliber of guys I went through to begin both reigns would make your head spin! I captured my first championship against Biggs, who happened to be the Undisputed Champion at the time, and my second against a guy by the name of Kurt Noble, perhaps you've heard of him? I single-handedly rebuilt the tag team division with Level-One on my shoulders. I've beat the likes of Terry Marvin, C.J. Gates and many others who believe they still have a foothold in this company. And you expect to be an understudy to me? Please!"
"Let me fill you in on what's going to happen. You're going to show up to Overdrive this evening, and I'm going to set the timer. I'm going to give you about eight minutes to prove that you know jack about the subject and when I decided that I've had enough of watching you squirm around the ring, I'm going to ring your bell and stamp a big ole' F on your forehead!"
"I'd like to pretend that this match is some kind of big deal but we both know it's going to come and go without as much of a whimper. I've been in so many of these qualifying matches over the years that they have almost lost their luster. It wasn't long ago that I was constantly main eventing Overdrive with five-star quality matches that set the wrestling world on fire! It was Johnny Rebel running circles around the APW while folks like Terry Marvin were still trying to figure out how to take the training tassels off their wrestling boots! The fact that I've been reduced to a midcard spot against someone who shouldn't be above curtain jerker status is almost insulting! Asinine, really."
"If we're being truthful, you're pretty similar in stature to your country's namesake. People want to visit Wales about as much as they'd enjoy granting a power-tool access to their rectum! Just like the fact you're barely a APW megastar, Wales is hardly a country, dwarfed by its bigger and more important surrounding bodies. The country can't even decided on a national language! Half of you idiots spend your time speaking English, while the others ramble gibberish in Welsh."
"Let me tell you an old fairy tale from your own people. When English schoolboys were caught speaking Welsh, they were forced to wear a knot of wood around their necks, and the necklace passed from student-to-student every time someone was caught speaking the Native tongue. At the end of the day, whoever was lucky enough to have the necklace in their possession, was brutally beaten. We're going to pretend that when the bell rings, school is out-of-session and you're going to be left wearing the jewelry... complete with a beat down from principal Johnny Rebel!"
#SIMPLY
#F'N
#PUT!
-
-
-
"We can't keep meeting like this, Johnny," Agent Williams said while tossing his sunglasses on the table in front of him. "You're record is getting too large to fit in my desk."
"It wasn't my fault, I promise," Rebel frantically pleaded with him. "It was a simple mistake... I won't do it again!"
"That's the dilemma we're finding ourselves in," Agent Williams responded back, sympathy not his strongest suit. "We've given you several chances and it seems like every time we give you enough slack, you find just enough to hang yourself. We can't continue in this manner or we're going to have to lock you up."
It's true - Rebel hadn't handled his situation very well. He had picked up a few wins in the APW over the past few weeks but it wasn't enough for him to pack up his temporary residence down by the river. He had become a nomad, wandering from place-to-place, and it didn't matter where he wound up, it usually resulted in him sitting in handcuffs in front of Agent Williams, who had been assigned to his case.
"I warned you the last time we spoke," he scolded Rebel. "I can't continue smoothing things over with these investors, who for some reason, which I can't comprehend, want to keep dumping resource in to you. You're really blowing away the chance of a lifetime. What were you thinking?"
"Terry isn't even pressing charges!" Rebel rolled his eyes at the thought of Agent Williams throwing away everything he's worked for over the past few months. "Maggie was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"I wouldn't be worried about Terry Marvin pressing charges, Johnny. I don't exactly see him as the 'let's handle our issues in the court of law' type of guy. You exposed yourself to Maggie in the parking lot of City Park. I'd be worried about him showing up on Overdrive this week and knocking your head off of your shoulders. You can't go around wiggling your dongle around in public, especially to the girlfriend of APW's Undisputed Champion!"
"I didn't know it was her," Johnny complained. "Besides, it was only a hot dog hanging out of my zipper... there isn't a lot of time for entertainment around here when I'm sleeping in a tent. I have to take it where I can get it."
"Perhaps if you managed to work a little harder and quit blowing your earnings on useless things, maybe you'd find your way out of this mess! You can't expect to possibly go on to Test for the Best and walk away the champion while sleeping on a cot made up of stacked cardboard and grass! Even then, if you somehow miraculously weave your way through Test for the Best, you wouldn't have a snowball's chance in Haiti of making it to Shockwave! Things didn't exactly get any easier with Level-One winning the World Heavyweight Championship at Mayhem..."
"Level-One, schmevel-One!" Rebel grumbled. "He's been ducking me since he choked the tag championships away last year at Test for the Best. It'd only be appropriate that I get my hands on that scum a year later!"
"He's been ducking you?" Agent Williams shared in a chuckle. "If I remember correctly, it was you who high-tailed it to Asylum and then proceeded to get your rear handed to you by Sally Talfourd, Anthony Bailey, and the rest of the roster! You're a real piece of work. With the clumps of hair falling out of your head and your ribs sticking out like a dying dog on one of those 'Rescue the Animals' commercials, I wouldn't anticipate you doing much of anything towards Level-One but being a punching bag. The guy has a chip on his shoulder and that doesn't equate to good things for the APW."
"I'm not worried about Level-One at the moment... I've got Dan White standing in the way before him anyway. Test for the Best hasn't been too kind to me in the past and I've got a new lease on life."
"You're treading on thin ice to begin with," Agent Williams tried to reassure Rebel. "I'm not sure that I can get you off with this one. It's a felony, Johnny. They could put you behind bars for awhile and in your condition, essentially let you rot until you didn't have a hot-dog to wave around anymore! I'm serious... it's time to start considering your long term prospects as a legitimate professional wrestler. When are you going to stop dumpster diving and focusing on what's left of your career?"
"I've been winning championships while you were still wetting your diapers and screaming for mommy in your crib!" Rebel beams with pride. "I'm sick of people like you and others talking down to me because they think I'm going down the wrong path. I've chosen every step along the way and it's completely my call that I've ended up where I am. I don't need your money, or be on the bankroll of some half-witted twit that is spending Daddy's life savings so I can be their puppet!"
"Watch it..." Agent Williams pointed his finger at Rebel, who's suddenly began squirming in his chair. "You better be real careful with the next few words that you let leave your trap!"
It seemed that Agent Williams was finally prepared to grow a set and stand up to the belligerent Johnny Rebel, something few were interested in dealing with. Williams had pocketed a fair amount of money but the investors issues were mounting and Rebel couldn't stay out of trouble. The agent was spending the majority of his time padding the pockets of local judges and prosecuting attorneys to look the other way but that wasn't going to be an option if Rebel continued to find himself in custody week after week.
"First it was the incident with the ATM, where you tried to steal thousands upon thousands, while completely hammered," Williams recalled a few weeks ago where they literally sat, having almost the same discussion. "Now you're groping yourself in front of innocent women... I just don't know how much longer you can remain viable in the APW. Test for the Best may just be over your head."
"What do you want from me?" Rebel asked. "I've done everything you've asked of me since these checks started flowing in... which, if we're being honest, aren't exactly game-changing amounts! This is chump change and surely isn't intended to get me back on my feet. I beat C.J. Gates in to an oblivion and sent A.C. Smith back to the Big Apple with his tail tucked between his legs. Dan White is the absolute least of my worries! I'm planning on beating him with both arms tied behind my back and my vienna sausage hanging out of my pants..."
"This is *exactly* what I'm talking about!" Agent Williams pounded both of his fists on the table. "It's this crap that is stopping you from being the best!"
"Oh, get a grip, man!" Rebel doesn't respond favorably. "I used an all-beef footlong on Maggie Kent... you have to be full-to-scale if you're going to attract the ladies. I'll save the finger foods for White..."
"You're hopeless."
"Strange," Rebel tilted his head sideways. "If I had a dollar for every time someone has uttered that to me over the past two years..."
"You'd have enough money to move out of that tent down by the river?"
"Exactly!" Rebel shouted. "Now could you please take these cuffs off of me? They're starting to get a little tight. If you don't mind, though, I'd like to keep them. I think I could get some mileage out of them."
Rebel's worlds don't exactly fill Agent Williams up with reassurance. How could they seriously consider this man as a threat to the World Heavyweight Championship? The only person he threatened was himself and Agent Williams couldn't believe he was tasked with pushing him to the top. Rebel was only interested in a ham sandwich and subpoenas, apparently.
"No, sit there and think about what you've done, while I try and figure out what I'm going to do with you."
"Yes, mom," Rebel chides.
Williams kicks over the chair where Rebel's sitting and leaves him down on the ground.
"Real mature!"
-
-
-
"So, it figures that I'm heading to my second Test for the Best tournament... and it's eerily similar to my first go-round. A nobody that's trying desperately to make a name for themselves against Johnny Rebel with hopes of standing tall at the end of the night. Dan White, if that's you, and you're having those wet dreams, go get yourself a towel, and clean yourself of because the only chance you have of winning is if Maggie Kent finally decides she wants a bite of the Oscar Meyer and I don't show up on Thursday evening!"
"I find the fact that I'm even having to audition with such a list of infidels disgusting, but it's even more disgusting that I'm paired up against someone with the resume of a Dan White. I'm not sure he's been off of Meltdown long enough to even have a cup of coffee but yet he's already finding himself in the match of his life against Johnny Rebel. I'm not sure who you've pissed off a previous life but they aren't doing you any favors in this one!"
"The thing about a test is that you have better prepared or when the moment comes you're going to be wishing that the teacher didn't ever show up. Since I don't think you've got the wherewithal to have a cram session before the bell rings, let me give you a little study guide on the guy you're scheduled to display your acumen against. I began my APW career on one of the hottest streaks in the history of this promotion - 7-0! I demolished everyone in my sights! I'm one of the few multiple time Overdrive Champions, and the caliber of guys I went through to begin both reigns would make your head spin! I captured my first championship against Biggs, who happened to be the Undisputed Champion at the time, and my second against a guy by the name of Kurt Noble, perhaps you've heard of him? I single-handedly rebuilt the tag team division with Level-One on my shoulders. I've beat the likes of Terry Marvin, C.J. Gates and many others who believe they still have a foothold in this company. And you expect to be an understudy to me? Please!"
"Let me fill you in on what's going to happen. You're going to show up to Overdrive this evening, and I'm going to set the timer. I'm going to give you about eight minutes to prove that you know jack about the subject and when I decided that I've had enough of watching you squirm around the ring, I'm going to ring your bell and stamp a big ole' F on your forehead!"
"I'd like to pretend that this match is some kind of big deal but we both know it's going to come and go without as much of a whimper. I've been in so many of these qualifying matches over the years that they have almost lost their luster. It wasn't long ago that I was constantly main eventing Overdrive with five-star quality matches that set the wrestling world on fire! It was Johnny Rebel running circles around the APW while folks like Terry Marvin were still trying to figure out how to take the training tassels off their wrestling boots! The fact that I've been reduced to a midcard spot against someone who shouldn't be above curtain jerker status is almost insulting! Asinine, really."
"If we're being truthful, you're pretty similar in stature to your country's namesake. People want to visit Wales about as much as they'd enjoy granting a power-tool access to their rectum! Just like the fact you're barely a APW megastar, Wales is hardly a country, dwarfed by its bigger and more important surrounding bodies. The country can't even decided on a national language! Half of you idiots spend your time speaking English, while the others ramble gibberish in Welsh."
"Let me tell you an old fairy tale from your own people. When English schoolboys were caught speaking Welsh, they were forced to wear a knot of wood around their necks, and the necklace passed from student-to-student every time someone was caught speaking the Native tongue. At the end of the day, whoever was lucky enough to have the necklace in their possession, was brutally beaten. We're going to pretend that when the bell rings, school is out-of-session and you're going to be left wearing the jewelry... complete with a beat down from principal Johnny Rebel!"
#SIMPLY
#F'N
#PUT!
