Post by chaos lite on Jun 1, 2013 18:22:22 GMT -4
it’s no surprise to me
i am my own worst enemy
i am my own worst enemy
may.31.thirteen4:21pm
Did I ever tell you about Lieutenant Jack?
No? Well, there’s a good reason for that.
I fucking despite Lieutenant Jack.
He fought alongside my father in the Gulf war. He always reminds us that we’re spoiled as a youth, and that we don’t appreciate the “heroes of our country” such as my father, and himself, and our grandparents, and it’s insulting. Yet, like that uncle that you never really invite into your life, he never seems to go away. This time, Cassandra brought him here.
I’m getting ahead of myself, and I’m a woman of... order. Ha.
In order for me to tell you this story, let me take you back eleven days, to the worst birthday ever.
may.20.thirteen11:06pm
”Logan!”
He hadn’t spoken in nearly a minute, and stupid Aubrey, I pushed the negative thoughts to the farthest depths of my mind. I knew he had a glassy look in his eyes. I knew his movements were slowing after that barbaric TLC match, but what was I supposed to do? I kept his arm entangled in mind, and I kept speaking to him just above a whisper, trying to maintain a conversation until we could get to the locker room-
And before I knew what was happening, he was on the ground. I went with him, trying my best to support his weight, in denial that something could be horribly wrong. I wanted to believe that my friend was just upset about the title loss. I wanted to believe that everything was okay. That’s what I’d spent the better part of my career doing anyway- pretend everything was okay.
As the doctors came and they helped him onto a stretcher, rushing him away, I remember feeling pure anguish.
”This isn’t how things were supposed to happen...”
We hurt Keaton. We hurt Phil. We stopped them and I know Logan had his qualms about the entire thing, but it was supposed to be the beginning of something new.
He won the Tap Out Championship. Terry retained the Undisputed Kane was supposed to win the Xtreme Championship. Logan and I were supposed to walk out of Santiago as the Tag Team Champions, but the last two didn’t happen, and the latter had dire consequences.
We got cocky. We thought we had it in the bag. We both climbed that ladder, and whether it was a result of too many shots to the head, or exhaustion, or pure stupidity, I don’t remember. We just made the wrong move. It resulted in us losing the Tag Team Championships. It resulted in us losing the opportunity to fight for those championships as long as Bailey and Hopkins held the titles... and... and it resulted in Logan getting hurt.
I caused Logan to get hurt.
”I’m sorry, Logan...”
I reached out, taking a hold of his hand as he was hoisted away by the medical personnel. He acknowledged me, giving me a gentle wave of the fingers, and I don’t remember what he said.
I forget a lot. I lose time... I don’t do well.
I remember being reassured by what Logan said, and I remember being frightened by it. For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was... I wish I could... and I remember thinking that heading onto face my next task, I was more alone than I’d ever been in my life. I was afraid. I was exposed. I had to do battle with the final Pillar and I didn’t know if my best friend, my partner would be there by my side.
And it was because of me. It was because of Aubrey J. Parker.
What have I done?
may.31.thirteen4:22pm
”Wooo! Cassandra just told me the whole story in person! I’ve been ordered to leave a downed man in combat before, but DAMN, I’ve never caused it to happen! Haha, oh my goodness...”
There he was. Lieutenant Jack. That bastard.
He laughed as he approached me, and then stood, heels together and gaze forward, raising a hand to salute me. As a child, I would’ve done it back, but forget that noise now. I hate him. I’ve grown to loathe him.
Jack was probably around six-foot-four. He was a large, imposing black man from the south, with the stereotypical dialect, but an imposing amount of knowledge about my personal life- and seemingly every other random fact about everything. Ever. He was a worldly man. He knew a lot of people, and he had a lot of sway. Hey, jealousy.
”Is that the love of my life, Aubrey J. Parker!?”
He was trying to lighten the mood. Cute.
”Bitch, I might be.”
He paused at the remark and then laughed, straightening himself to stride forward and pull me into a hug. I loosely hugged him back, only sighing in relief when he released me.
”You look just like your mother.”
”Whatever, dude. I don’t look anything like her.”
”Just as sassy as ever.”
”Didn’t realize you were going to invite yourself into my hotel room.”
”I didn’t. Cassandra did.”
”Right. Because my boyfriend and my friend take it upon themselves to invite everybody in here whether I like it or not- I forgot I missed the memo where that became okay.”
Turns out, there was a memo. I really did miss it.
”I came because I was talking to Trey a few days ago... said he was going to pick up where big sister left off.”
I felt like he’d just slapped me across the face with that one because I knew where it would lead to- a tirade about how horrible of a family member I was, and I’d be lectured for hours about how important family was, and how much my brother looked up to me... I’d heard it before, and every muscle in my body was ready to spring forward, throw a hand in his face and tell him to stay out of it. Hell, I was kind of craving it.
”He didn’t really go into detail, but I thought it might be nice if you gave him a call. Your Mom. Austin. Your Dad. I mean, I know it isn’t my business...”
Got that right.
”...but you only get one shot at a family. They’re the only one you’ve got. Who else is going to be there to hold you up every time you fall?”
”I don’t fall.”
This is where he gave me one of those grins that I fucking HATE. Like he fucking knows everything. Like he’s some sort of mighter-than-thou figure- like he knows me.
”Don’t look at me like that.”
”Aubrey, do you remember what happened on your sixth birthday?”
”I skinned my knee, because you thought it would be funny to let go when I was trying to learn how to ride a bike without the fucking training wheels, and if you weren’t aware, it wasn’t funny.”
Ha. It’s kind of funny now- because I think I just found out why I started hating this man!
”And do you remember what happened afterward?”
”You gave me a Band-Aid.”
”And?”
”I would never let you rip it off, and you kept going for it, you morbid hack.”
”You never let me because every time you started to peel it off and uncover the wound, it started stinging... it started hurting too much.”
”And then you ripped it off when I was sleeping. You thought it was the funniest thing in the fucking world.”
”It needed to be done.”
”I didn’t invite you in here to reminisce.”
”You didn’t invite me in here at all.”
I gave him an amused half-smile and threw my hand blindly in the direction of the door, hoping he would take the gesture as seriously as one could.
”You’re right. But I am excusing you.”
There was a period where time seemed to stand still, and you’re talking to the crazy girl here, so for all I know, it really did. For all I know, everything stopped moving and the only things left were me, and Lieutenant Jack in that suite, looking into each others’ eyes, and feeling the heat rush down our necks. I felt nothing but bitterness, and I doubt he missed that.
”...Aubrey, that day, you ran up to me, and you let me have it-- you swung at me, hit me with every little fist that you could. You told me you were hurt. You told me that I hurt people, and maybe that was because I was in the war. Maybe, at the tender age of six, war was still a foreign concept to you.
You didn’t entirely grasp the idea of what ‘hurt’ was.”
Jack looked at me with those questioning eyes, but I don’t know what the hell he was fishing for- I didn’t have much to say.
”After you motivated yourself to fight through the pain and get back on, and after you screamed at me some more, you learned. When I let go of that bike, you wanted me to let go. You couldn’t wait to show off to your friends and your parents... you learned something new. You accomplished something, and you had to get a little hurt to do it.
In war, we get hurt, and we hurt others, but it’s to accomplish something. It’s to fight for what we believe in... or sometimes fight for what we have to fight for, to save ourselves. As a child, you didn’t get it. You didn’t comprehend. So whenever you would see me, you would give me a flower, and you would tell me not to pull it apart, or blow its petals away... but to hold onto it, and just look at it. So I did, and I learned to appreciate its beauty. I learned to stop and appreciate the smaller things I was given, because we live in a world where all people want to do is take. We live in an ugly world... a hideous one...
You didn’t see it back then.
But you see it now. And you’ve become a part of that world. I think you want to be a part of that world... that horrible, frightening one. I think you know what hurt is now.”
I looked at him and I think I was wearing a smirk, because he was uncomfortable. I’m glad.
”I know what it is.”
”You hurt people, my love.”
”I hurt the people that need to be hurt.”
”Even your family.”
”Sometimes my family. Sometimes my opponents out there in the ring. This week, it’ll be Keaton. Two weeks from now... who knows?”
”So this mentality is because of- of wrestling?”
I stared at him, and I had a few ideas of what I wanted to say, but all of them got stuck in my throat, behind my tongue before they could escape into the real world. I sealed my lips and shook my head.
”It’s not some sort of adopted mentality, Jack. It’s life. I will hurt Keaton Saint this weekend because, as you said, that’s what I believe in.
I believe in hurting Keaton. I believe in hurting people, because as you can imagine, it’s a hell of a lot better than getting hurt.”
”I don’t like those ideals.”
”Okay. That’s why they’re mine- not yours. Do you have anymore questions, Lieutenant? I need to get ready to head to the gym... I’ve got a match to prepare for and a tournament to win.”
”...yeah, you do... good luck...”
So it was that easy. I gave him an amused little grin and gathered my belongings, walking out, leaving him alone in my hotel suite. I felt accomplished. I felt liberated.
Cassandra had led him in there to trap me in some sort of web of fucking emotion before Asylum, but I’d outsmarted her. I got out of there. I left, and I’m putting my focus exactly where it should be.
On being the best.
unspecifiedunspecified
”It’s a conspiracy.
I’m supposed to be the best, because that’s what the NEW Sindicate demands. Historically, the Sindicate has known what’s best, and whether some people, like Level-Fucking-One, want to be a part of that or not... that’s still the case. We’re still a movement. We’re still in touch with every single man and woman that buys tickets to our shows...
We’re still among the best wrestlers to step foot in this company since its inception.
Keaton Saint has made a career out of being this close to the mountaintop- never one about climbing all the way to the top, thwarting all of his foes, and becoming the best. Never.
Saint has historically regarded as one of the best in Action Packed Wrestling, if not one of the best in the world today, and I’ve never been one to deny that, but what I will add is... asterisks. Keaton Saint is also a stepping stone for the stars of today, and for the stars of tomorrow. If you doubt me, look at people like Terry Marvin. Look at people like Sally Talfourd, who won an Elimination Chamber, partially at Keaton’s expense, and cemented her legacy as one of the greatest wrestlers to ever lace up a pair of boots in the business...
...look at Michael Callahan, bless his heart, somebody who got the better of Keaton when he was going through a downward spiral of his own.
Saint, as great as you are, you’ve fit into a nice role here in APW and I’m going to make sure you stay true to that. I’m going to make sure you propel me to greatness, because it’s what NEEDS to happen. Gaining the APW Undisputed Championship is what I exist to do, and I’m not going to allow you to stand in the way of that for too much longer.
You had your shot.
You had your two-week World Championship reign. Your name is already in the history books, and you’re receiving pats on the back from every major sports-media outlet in North America, but you’re NOT-
…
You’re not going to walk into Test for the Best as long as I can help it. You’re not. Not... over... me.
And certainly not over the New Sindicate.
I know it’s our first time facing each other, Keaton, and I know it’s too early to tell... but I promise you that I’ll fight you harder, and I’ll try harder to hurt you than anybody you’ve ever faced. You’ve never faced anything like me, baby. You won’t come out of this the same as you entered.
I’m the best.
I’m the best.
Help me, Saint.
Help me prove it.”
fin.
