Post by Jake Titan on Jun 10, 2013 4:40:17 GMT -4
We open to Jake Titan on a movie scene. People are running around hectically, except for Jake. He’s dressed as a typical Red Shirt from Star Trek. A stage hand ran in front of the ONE with a sign that is poorly made.
“Space Movie, Scene one, take one. Action!” He dropped the sign and ran.
As the film began to roll, Jake Titan sat at a desk and fidgeted with his shoes. Reaching to a side, he activated a camera of his own. “Captains Log: Star date 2321.6, we are currently in the Andromi Sector. This is the second year of a ten year campaign to explore strange new worlds, to find strange and new civilizations and to boldly screw what no man has screwed. However something new has come over me. A illness of some sort.”
With another press of the button, Jake shut off his personal log. The chair flew back as Jake ran to his personal bathroom. It was a desperate race against time as Jake nearly ripped his pants off and sat down. Jake’s back made an indention in the wall, causing a hung poster of Screech from Saved By the Bell (as in the actual character Screech not the actor Dustin Diamond) to flap hard. Sound effects qued in and made squishy farting sounds. Groaning loudly, Jake’s face showed server pain and heavy sweating. Thrashing against the wall, Jake slammed hard trying to push out whatever he had to push. The echoing screams of pain were slowly drowned out by Jake throwing holy water around him.
“The power of Christ compels you! HOLY SHIT! Oh my God this is going to be a big one!” The strained and pained voice of Jake Titan yelled out.
After giving several courtesy flushes, toilet paper flew off the wall and almost drowned the ship’s captain. However he managed to save himself, and after pulling his pants up the unmistakable sound of a bird chirping caught Jake’s attention. Naturally the sound of a bird chirping in space would grab any ones attention.
The sound was coming from the toilet, Jake looked in to see he somehow managed to lay an egg and that a bird was chirping trying to eat. Worried for his health, Jake had to call the ship’s doctor.
“Screws, I have an emergency here. A dire emergency if I may add.” The com device blinked a moment then shot back the voice.
“Oh God, you didn’t get your penis stuck in the Replicator again, did you?” a young female voice responded.
“No, it’s MUCH worse than that.”
“Ah, for Christ sakes, you didn’t get your tricorder shoved up your ass again, did you?”
This time Jake was shaking his head. “No, I’m afraid is far worse than that doc.”
“That can only mean one more thing, you got managed to shove break a midget's penis off in your ass didn’t you?”
Offended, Jake looked at his Com Device. “No, it seems I have just laid an egg doctor.”
“Oh, well they can’t train you in all of that kind of stuff-“
“No, I mean literally laid an egg.” Jake interrupted the doctor. “You know the ones that birds lay.”
It took a moment for that revelation to sink in with the doctor. But she did speak up again. “Oh well that’s definitely a health concern, why don’t you come to the medical bay and I’ll check you out. Oh and whatever you do, don’t have sex with anything on your way here. You could be extremely contagious; we don’t need any one else getting ill.”
Relived to find out the doctor might be able to help him, Jake stood up and left the bird behind in the toilet. “Don’t worry Doctor Screws, I’m ALWAYS careful.”
After leaving his room and pressing the button on the elevator, Jake walked in and noticed a Siamese twin alien monster, one half male and the other half presumably female. The perverse thoughts returned to Jake’s mind as he checked the alien out. “Hey, do you two want to ride my battleship?”
“Cut!” Yelled the director, and several people began to laugh loudly. A number of them had to hold one another up to continue their work.
After the good hardy laugh, Jake and the man side of the alien puppet walked away. It only took a short walk to get to the medical bay where he was supposed to waiting. Jake stood in one spot next to a step ladder. Jake started laughing when he saw the doctor as he knew already who it was.
“Jakie! Why did you get me this role again?” It was Liberty Roberts, the new ships captain demanded to know why he brought her with him to the set of a movie.
“That’s easy Lib, yo’ daddy wanted me to get you out of his hair for a little bit. So after scouring Craigslist and other newspaper ads, I found this. It’s an easy job for a kid like you, now shut up. We gotta take this seriously, okay?” Jake patted her on her head as if she was a dog.
Despite wearing a blue suit like any Star Trek Federation Doctor, it really did little to help her out. The only thing it did was make her look thinner and the make up on her made her look like an adult only that was the height of a ten year old girl. Wanting to finish the scene, the director put Jake in his exact spot and looked at Liberty.
“Do you remember your lines?” He said without any feeling or emotion.
“Yes, don’t worry.” Liberty pouted.
“Okay, ready everyone! Quiet on the set!” The director shouted and noticed Leon Roberts sitting in his chair. “Do you mind sir?”
It is said that 'Respect is earned, not given.' and Leon proved it when he shook his head no. “Shuffle your feet and you lose your seat.”
Even though he was on a tight time schedule, the director still wanted to finish in one attempt like he did the last scene. The same stage hand from before put his sign in front of the camera. “Space Movie, Scene Two, Take One and action!”
Keeping an as serious as possible face on her, Liberty looked at Jake with a patient chart. Her face was dull and lifeless as she began talking to him. “Well Walker, I’ve run some tests and I’ve discovered what is wrong with you.”
“Am I a bird, doctor?” Jake’s voice was deathly seriously, believing that he is a bird.
Knowing that he is a foolish man, Liberty shook her head. “No, you’re not a bird.”
Relieved that he’s not turning into a bird, Jake sighed loudly and wiped the sweat away from his REALLY bad William Shatner toupee. “Oh thank God! I thought my penis was going to turn into the size of a chicken’s. Seriously glad that ain’t happening.”
“Ah yes… but I do have bad news. It seems you have caught…” The lights dimmed down over Liberty. “Mutated Avian Bird Flu!”
The lights returned to normal to, Jake was leaning away with shock. “MY GOD!”
Despite how serious this revelation was, Liberty couldn’t show any less emotion. “Yes, in a matter of twenty-four hours you will turn into an amorphous blob and birds will feast on your intestines as you won’t be able to digest food properly. You’ll basically become Paris Hilton when she was pregnant only times that by about a thousand.” The cold harsh truth from a cold character.
“So there isn’t a known cure?”
“Well back in the twenty first century, they did make a cure but it only worked on Asian people but none others.” The tablet clacked loudly as Liberty laid it down on a counter near her.
“Well that makes sense, I mean the AIDS cure only works on anyone with African blood in them including the whites that have lived in South Africa for centuries, the northern Africans like the Egyptians also weren’t affected or the Neo French-Chinese immunity to radiation poisoning in Chernobyl after we sent their sorry asses their at the end of the Fourth World War. So it only makes sense.” This news was very difficult for Jake to accept.
Without a smile but still somehow hinting at her happiness, Liberty shook her head. “Yes, you’re up Shit’s Creek without a paddle with an nuclear bomb strapped to your penis as you fall off Niagra Falls with the bottom of The Pit waiting for your with the undiscovered warrior Reptile.”
“That sounds horrible.” Jake said.
“Just needed to make sure you knew how badly you were going to die. But don’t worry, we wrote a poem for you.” Liberty cleared her throat as she pulled out a piece of paper. “You’re going to die, you’re going to die. Die, die, die. And nobody loves you, and we all think you’re gay. So very gay and you’re mother’s a whore.”
“That was a pretty harsh poem.” An utter look of grimace crossed Jake's face as he looked at his “doctor”.
“Well we need to know how you got this disease. Can you think about when and how you could have gotten it? So it cannot infect anyone we care about, except you. But as this specific kind comes from birds, have you encountered any birds recently?”
Jake thought back for a moment. “Well…”
*** FLASH BACK ***
Captain Walker, aka Jake Titan, is walking around the kitchen trying to microwave some candied yams. The delicious aroma of a baked turkey caught his nose as he looked over to see it sitting there, no stuffing in it. Suddenly, the unmistakable raspy voice of Joe Cocker and beautiful Jennifer Warnes began to sing “Up Where We Belong.” The song touched Jake’s heart as a single tear left his eye and he looked at the gaping hole near the bottom of the turkey. Curly his fingers together, Jake shoved his fist into the turkey ever so slowly. Then began to fist the turkey as if it was a woman he was trying to get off, erotically Jake licked his lips. The aroma of stuffing and turkey made his mouth water as he enjoyed the fisting of the turkey. Meanwhile, the yams exploded in the microwave but the captain continued to fist the turkey.
*** END FLASH BACK ***
“Oh for Christ sakes man.” A disgusted Liberty said looking at Jake.
But that didn’t stop Jake from continuing what he was about to say. “Oh relax; it was only for twenty minutes. I had to give the rest to you guys. Remember at Thanksgiving Dinner? The turkey you guys said was really delicious.”
Shocked and appalled, Liberty’s mouth hung open. Suddenly, the sound of an upset stomach is heard and Liberty threw all over the floor. At least two liters of vomit covered the floor before she stopped. Calmly, recollecting herself, Liberty looked at Jake.
“Ugh… you couldn’t have gotten Avian Bird flu from that.”
However, Jake looked at her sheepishly. “Well… now that you mention it…”
*** FLASH BACK… AGAIN ***
Captain Walker entered his chamber and told the computer to turn the lights on. The lights came on and a half woman, half vulture alien laid out spread eagle for him wearing bondage gear. “Well hello, Nurse.”
Once more, Cocker & Warnes “Up Where We Belong” played throughout his flash back. The naked humanoid vulture woman and Jake made out, his tongue running around her large beak, licking her nostrils as her beak picked his nose. Their hands and talons clasped tightly as they made out. During the montage of their love making, Jake pulled out a grossly large adult toy that was meant for women to wear. Then he explained to his doctor about how the bird would brand him with a hot cattle iron on his chest and buttocks.
*** END FLASH BACK… AGAIN ***
Disgusted beyond all belief, the doctor looked at her captain. Then without any hesitation or feelings, Liberty droned out something Jake has heard before. “You really are one fucked up, son of a bitch.”
Once more director cried out cut and everyone began howling in laughter. Even the most seriously satanic man in Action Packed Wrestling couldn’t help but laugh. The way Jake told the story combined with the actual video of the flash back made Leon almost throw up laughing. Happy to see her father, Liberty ran over and jumped into his arms. Effortless, Leon put Liberty on his shoulders and looked at Jake.
“This movie will be a disgusting, grotesque spectacle but dammit if people loved Jackass, they’ll love this.” Leon then offered his partner a high five.
Their hands slapped but Jake got serious. “Speaking about Jackasses, I wanted to talk about our next victims: The Dying Breed. The current tag team champions, I mean that’s really good if they’ve still got it. But like the Persians or Spartans, empires fall and so will Dying Breed.
“Let’s start with Anthony Bailey, preppy little college boy that seems to have gotten lost on his way to life. You made a mistake, home boy. I don’t know why some Cum Loud-“
“Magna cum laude” interrupted Leon.
“That’s what I said a loud cummer.” However, Leon pointed up at his daughter and Jake looked to realize Liberty was still there. “I regret nothing. The only regret I’m going to have is beating Anthony Bailey and Jair Hopkin’s like they owe me money and SHUT UP! I’m aware I still owe your old man.” Jake’s finger pointed to Leon who put up his as if to say ‘I didn’t say anything.’
“So we got Mr. College Man get lost on his way to becoming rich and famous all because he was following a dream. I hate to break it to him, dreams don’t come true. When I was six I wanted to be Han Solo but it definitely didn’t happen. Anthony does have an incredible story having been a Tap Out Champion and a World Heavyweight Champion with him being a Tag Team Champion but that humbleness ain’t going to cut it. The good guys don’t always win, Hell sometimes the bad guys win. The Penguins lost to the Bruins and almost EVERYONE hates the Bruins. Just like how the Yankees keep buying win after win. But you know what, Anthony? You’re a great competitor and I can give you a sliver of respect in that you remained true to your humble roots but that ain’t going to cut it, man. This is a cut throat industry, when you’re too much of a nice guy, it’ll cost you, Jason Kash taught you that at Mayhem, I thought you would have learned it when Sally Talfourd beat you for the World Heavyweight Championship or when Julius Farquhar made you tap out for the Tap Out Championship, but you didn’t. Don’t go thinking me and Leon are just lucky, we beat Foul Play who beat you. Do you really think that we’re going to flame out now?
“No, we’re not. We’re going to do JUST like you two, we’re going to rise to the occasion and we’re going come out on top. We’ve fought too hard and for too long than to just drop the ball and not defeat you two. I’m not being overly confident; I’m just being a realist. I’ve beaten Jason Kash and you haven’t. If you can’t beat him, what makes you think that you can beat us?
“But enough with Anthony Bailey let me talk about you Jair Hopkins. You’re leeching on to a former world champion, which is the ONLY reason anyone has noticed you. You have a Hell of a mouth but it doesn’t do enough to make you stand out. I might get a lot of people complaining that I may swear too fucking much, but they’re just butt hurt that I actually have the balls to say what’s on my mind. Rather it be how much of a cock sucker Tommy Knox is or how much of bottom feeding, slimey, putrid, rancid, trash bag whore Niobe Martin is, the fact remains: People talk about me. The only reason people talk about is because you’re dumb ass failed at committing suicide. Seriously, how do you fail at committing suicide? That’s like failing at failure. Yet somehow YOU managed to do it. Good job, sucking at life and failing to fail, loser.
“But don’t worry, Fowl Play won’t get involved and even if they do, this is the ONLY time you’ll see the Dying Breed and Natural Born Killaz EVER work together and we’ll just beat the living Hell out of Foul Play, but when you’re distracted that’s when Leon Roberts and I will take EVERYTHING you hold dear, those precious titles and put them around our waists. So guys, you’re would be right. We are hungry wolves, and we will chew off our own limbs and do anything else needed to win, I hope you guys are ready. Because if you’re not, it’s YOUR asses.”
“Space Movie, Scene one, take one. Action!” He dropped the sign and ran.
As the film began to roll, Jake Titan sat at a desk and fidgeted with his shoes. Reaching to a side, he activated a camera of his own. “Captains Log: Star date 2321.6, we are currently in the Andromi Sector. This is the second year of a ten year campaign to explore strange new worlds, to find strange and new civilizations and to boldly screw what no man has screwed. However something new has come over me. A illness of some sort.”
With another press of the button, Jake shut off his personal log. The chair flew back as Jake ran to his personal bathroom. It was a desperate race against time as Jake nearly ripped his pants off and sat down. Jake’s back made an indention in the wall, causing a hung poster of Screech from Saved By the Bell (as in the actual character Screech not the actor Dustin Diamond) to flap hard. Sound effects qued in and made squishy farting sounds. Groaning loudly, Jake’s face showed server pain and heavy sweating. Thrashing against the wall, Jake slammed hard trying to push out whatever he had to push. The echoing screams of pain were slowly drowned out by Jake throwing holy water around him.
“The power of Christ compels you! HOLY SHIT! Oh my God this is going to be a big one!” The strained and pained voice of Jake Titan yelled out.
After giving several courtesy flushes, toilet paper flew off the wall and almost drowned the ship’s captain. However he managed to save himself, and after pulling his pants up the unmistakable sound of a bird chirping caught Jake’s attention. Naturally the sound of a bird chirping in space would grab any ones attention.
The sound was coming from the toilet, Jake looked in to see he somehow managed to lay an egg and that a bird was chirping trying to eat. Worried for his health, Jake had to call the ship’s doctor.
“Screws, I have an emergency here. A dire emergency if I may add.” The com device blinked a moment then shot back the voice.
“Oh God, you didn’t get your penis stuck in the Replicator again, did you?” a young female voice responded.
“No, it’s MUCH worse than that.”
“Ah, for Christ sakes, you didn’t get your tricorder shoved up your ass again, did you?”
This time Jake was shaking his head. “No, I’m afraid is far worse than that doc.”
“That can only mean one more thing, you got managed to shove break a midget's penis off in your ass didn’t you?”
Offended, Jake looked at his Com Device. “No, it seems I have just laid an egg doctor.”
“Oh, well they can’t train you in all of that kind of stuff-“
“No, I mean literally laid an egg.” Jake interrupted the doctor. “You know the ones that birds lay.”
It took a moment for that revelation to sink in with the doctor. But she did speak up again. “Oh well that’s definitely a health concern, why don’t you come to the medical bay and I’ll check you out. Oh and whatever you do, don’t have sex with anything on your way here. You could be extremely contagious; we don’t need any one else getting ill.”
Relived to find out the doctor might be able to help him, Jake stood up and left the bird behind in the toilet. “Don’t worry Doctor Screws, I’m ALWAYS careful.”
After leaving his room and pressing the button on the elevator, Jake walked in and noticed a Siamese twin alien monster, one half male and the other half presumably female. The perverse thoughts returned to Jake’s mind as he checked the alien out. “Hey, do you two want to ride my battleship?”
“Cut!” Yelled the director, and several people began to laugh loudly. A number of them had to hold one another up to continue their work.
After the good hardy laugh, Jake and the man side of the alien puppet walked away. It only took a short walk to get to the medical bay where he was supposed to waiting. Jake stood in one spot next to a step ladder. Jake started laughing when he saw the doctor as he knew already who it was.
“Jakie! Why did you get me this role again?” It was Liberty Roberts, the new ships captain demanded to know why he brought her with him to the set of a movie.
“That’s easy Lib, yo’ daddy wanted me to get you out of his hair for a little bit. So after scouring Craigslist and other newspaper ads, I found this. It’s an easy job for a kid like you, now shut up. We gotta take this seriously, okay?” Jake patted her on her head as if she was a dog.
Despite wearing a blue suit like any Star Trek Federation Doctor, it really did little to help her out. The only thing it did was make her look thinner and the make up on her made her look like an adult only that was the height of a ten year old girl. Wanting to finish the scene, the director put Jake in his exact spot and looked at Liberty.
“Do you remember your lines?” He said without any feeling or emotion.
“Yes, don’t worry.” Liberty pouted.
“Okay, ready everyone! Quiet on the set!” The director shouted and noticed Leon Roberts sitting in his chair. “Do you mind sir?”
It is said that 'Respect is earned, not given.' and Leon proved it when he shook his head no. “Shuffle your feet and you lose your seat.”
Even though he was on a tight time schedule, the director still wanted to finish in one attempt like he did the last scene. The same stage hand from before put his sign in front of the camera. “Space Movie, Scene Two, Take One and action!”
Keeping an as serious as possible face on her, Liberty looked at Jake with a patient chart. Her face was dull and lifeless as she began talking to him. “Well Walker, I’ve run some tests and I’ve discovered what is wrong with you.”
“Am I a bird, doctor?” Jake’s voice was deathly seriously, believing that he is a bird.
Knowing that he is a foolish man, Liberty shook her head. “No, you’re not a bird.”
Relieved that he’s not turning into a bird, Jake sighed loudly and wiped the sweat away from his REALLY bad William Shatner toupee. “Oh thank God! I thought my penis was going to turn into the size of a chicken’s. Seriously glad that ain’t happening.”
“Ah yes… but I do have bad news. It seems you have caught…” The lights dimmed down over Liberty. “Mutated Avian Bird Flu!”
The lights returned to normal to, Jake was leaning away with shock. “MY GOD!”
Despite how serious this revelation was, Liberty couldn’t show any less emotion. “Yes, in a matter of twenty-four hours you will turn into an amorphous blob and birds will feast on your intestines as you won’t be able to digest food properly. You’ll basically become Paris Hilton when she was pregnant only times that by about a thousand.” The cold harsh truth from a cold character.
“So there isn’t a known cure?”
“Well back in the twenty first century, they did make a cure but it only worked on Asian people but none others.” The tablet clacked loudly as Liberty laid it down on a counter near her.
“Well that makes sense, I mean the AIDS cure only works on anyone with African blood in them including the whites that have lived in South Africa for centuries, the northern Africans like the Egyptians also weren’t affected or the Neo French-Chinese immunity to radiation poisoning in Chernobyl after we sent their sorry asses their at the end of the Fourth World War. So it only makes sense.” This news was very difficult for Jake to accept.
Without a smile but still somehow hinting at her happiness, Liberty shook her head. “Yes, you’re up Shit’s Creek without a paddle with an nuclear bomb strapped to your penis as you fall off Niagra Falls with the bottom of The Pit waiting for your with the undiscovered warrior Reptile.”
“That sounds horrible.” Jake said.
“Just needed to make sure you knew how badly you were going to die. But don’t worry, we wrote a poem for you.” Liberty cleared her throat as she pulled out a piece of paper. “You’re going to die, you’re going to die. Die, die, die. And nobody loves you, and we all think you’re gay. So very gay and you’re mother’s a whore.”
“That was a pretty harsh poem.” An utter look of grimace crossed Jake's face as he looked at his “doctor”.
“Well we need to know how you got this disease. Can you think about when and how you could have gotten it? So it cannot infect anyone we care about, except you. But as this specific kind comes from birds, have you encountered any birds recently?”
Jake thought back for a moment. “Well…”
*** FLASH BACK ***
Captain Walker, aka Jake Titan, is walking around the kitchen trying to microwave some candied yams. The delicious aroma of a baked turkey caught his nose as he looked over to see it sitting there, no stuffing in it. Suddenly, the unmistakable raspy voice of Joe Cocker and beautiful Jennifer Warnes began to sing “Up Where We Belong.” The song touched Jake’s heart as a single tear left his eye and he looked at the gaping hole near the bottom of the turkey. Curly his fingers together, Jake shoved his fist into the turkey ever so slowly. Then began to fist the turkey as if it was a woman he was trying to get off, erotically Jake licked his lips. The aroma of stuffing and turkey made his mouth water as he enjoyed the fisting of the turkey. Meanwhile, the yams exploded in the microwave but the captain continued to fist the turkey.
*** END FLASH BACK ***
“Oh for Christ sakes man.” A disgusted Liberty said looking at Jake.
But that didn’t stop Jake from continuing what he was about to say. “Oh relax; it was only for twenty minutes. I had to give the rest to you guys. Remember at Thanksgiving Dinner? The turkey you guys said was really delicious.”
Shocked and appalled, Liberty’s mouth hung open. Suddenly, the sound of an upset stomach is heard and Liberty threw all over the floor. At least two liters of vomit covered the floor before she stopped. Calmly, recollecting herself, Liberty looked at Jake.
“Ugh… you couldn’t have gotten Avian Bird flu from that.”
However, Jake looked at her sheepishly. “Well… now that you mention it…”
*** FLASH BACK… AGAIN ***
Captain Walker entered his chamber and told the computer to turn the lights on. The lights came on and a half woman, half vulture alien laid out spread eagle for him wearing bondage gear. “Well hello, Nurse.”
Once more, Cocker & Warnes “Up Where We Belong” played throughout his flash back. The naked humanoid vulture woman and Jake made out, his tongue running around her large beak, licking her nostrils as her beak picked his nose. Their hands and talons clasped tightly as they made out. During the montage of their love making, Jake pulled out a grossly large adult toy that was meant for women to wear. Then he explained to his doctor about how the bird would brand him with a hot cattle iron on his chest and buttocks.
*** END FLASH BACK… AGAIN ***
Disgusted beyond all belief, the doctor looked at her captain. Then without any hesitation or feelings, Liberty droned out something Jake has heard before. “You really are one fucked up, son of a bitch.”
Once more director cried out cut and everyone began howling in laughter. Even the most seriously satanic man in Action Packed Wrestling couldn’t help but laugh. The way Jake told the story combined with the actual video of the flash back made Leon almost throw up laughing. Happy to see her father, Liberty ran over and jumped into his arms. Effortless, Leon put Liberty on his shoulders and looked at Jake.
“This movie will be a disgusting, grotesque spectacle but dammit if people loved Jackass, they’ll love this.” Leon then offered his partner a high five.
Their hands slapped but Jake got serious. “Speaking about Jackasses, I wanted to talk about our next victims: The Dying Breed. The current tag team champions, I mean that’s really good if they’ve still got it. But like the Persians or Spartans, empires fall and so will Dying Breed.
“Let’s start with Anthony Bailey, preppy little college boy that seems to have gotten lost on his way to life. You made a mistake, home boy. I don’t know why some Cum Loud-“
“Magna cum laude” interrupted Leon.
“That’s what I said a loud cummer.” However, Leon pointed up at his daughter and Jake looked to realize Liberty was still there. “I regret nothing. The only regret I’m going to have is beating Anthony Bailey and Jair Hopkin’s like they owe me money and SHUT UP! I’m aware I still owe your old man.” Jake’s finger pointed to Leon who put up his as if to say ‘I didn’t say anything.’
“So we got Mr. College Man get lost on his way to becoming rich and famous all because he was following a dream. I hate to break it to him, dreams don’t come true. When I was six I wanted to be Han Solo but it definitely didn’t happen. Anthony does have an incredible story having been a Tap Out Champion and a World Heavyweight Champion with him being a Tag Team Champion but that humbleness ain’t going to cut it. The good guys don’t always win, Hell sometimes the bad guys win. The Penguins lost to the Bruins and almost EVERYONE hates the Bruins. Just like how the Yankees keep buying win after win. But you know what, Anthony? You’re a great competitor and I can give you a sliver of respect in that you remained true to your humble roots but that ain’t going to cut it, man. This is a cut throat industry, when you’re too much of a nice guy, it’ll cost you, Jason Kash taught you that at Mayhem, I thought you would have learned it when Sally Talfourd beat you for the World Heavyweight Championship or when Julius Farquhar made you tap out for the Tap Out Championship, but you didn’t. Don’t go thinking me and Leon are just lucky, we beat Foul Play who beat you. Do you really think that we’re going to flame out now?
“No, we’re not. We’re going to do JUST like you two, we’re going to rise to the occasion and we’re going come out on top. We’ve fought too hard and for too long than to just drop the ball and not defeat you two. I’m not being overly confident; I’m just being a realist. I’ve beaten Jason Kash and you haven’t. If you can’t beat him, what makes you think that you can beat us?
“But enough with Anthony Bailey let me talk about you Jair Hopkins. You’re leeching on to a former world champion, which is the ONLY reason anyone has noticed you. You have a Hell of a mouth but it doesn’t do enough to make you stand out. I might get a lot of people complaining that I may swear too fucking much, but they’re just butt hurt that I actually have the balls to say what’s on my mind. Rather it be how much of a cock sucker Tommy Knox is or how much of bottom feeding, slimey, putrid, rancid, trash bag whore Niobe Martin is, the fact remains: People talk about me. The only reason people talk about is because you’re dumb ass failed at committing suicide. Seriously, how do you fail at committing suicide? That’s like failing at failure. Yet somehow YOU managed to do it. Good job, sucking at life and failing to fail, loser.
“But don’t worry, Fowl Play won’t get involved and even if they do, this is the ONLY time you’ll see the Dying Breed and Natural Born Killaz EVER work together and we’ll just beat the living Hell out of Foul Play, but when you’re distracted that’s when Leon Roberts and I will take EVERYTHING you hold dear, those precious titles and put them around our waists. So guys, you’re would be right. We are hungry wolves, and we will chew off our own limbs and do anything else needed to win, I hope you guys are ready. Because if you’re not, it’s YOUR asses.”
