Post by chaos lite on Jun 24, 2013 17:45:02 GMT -4
all for freedom
and for pleasure
and for pleasure
jun.23.thirteen
”Forty-one years ago today, President Richard Nixon signed Title IX of the Education Amendments into law.
The title protects people from discrimination based on sex in any educational program or activity that receives federal funding. With the signing of Title IX, came an impact- a phenomenon that drastically shook the United States- if not the modern world to its very foundations. The result saw the inclusion of womens’ sports into the schooling system.
Forty-one years ago, there were roughly three hundred thousand women participating in high school and college sports in this country, and today, there are over three million.
These women go onto become legends... they go onto become stars... but...
...but no matter what, the world's waiting, ready to scrutinize, and take anything they can. We live in a world where women are seen as weaker by culture.
We live in a world where... where no matter what... no matter... fucking... what, there’s no respect for all who deserve it.
No respect for people like me. I may be regarded as the best female wrestler in Action Packed Wrestling, but nobody- nobody has the balls to call me what I really am, and that’s the best. I am. I am the best.
And in a week, after the finals of the Test for the Best tournament, I’ll have my validation. So on behalf of the women in America that just aren’t quite as amazing as I am, I’ll come on top in a man’s sport- in a man’s world. I’ll decimate the competition- man, or woman. I’ll change the world, and once again, I’ll shake the world to its core.
...
I’m going to change everything.”
mar.31.ninetysix
You know those isolated moments in your childhood that just stick out, so vividly above the rest? There are those moments that just... never escape you, even if you don’t remember the details, you remember the basics.
I’m Cassandra McPherson, and I remember the Arrowhead Pond. I remember Mr. Parker pulling me along... me, and my best friend, Aubrey J. Parker- and her brothers, Austin and Trey. Austin may have been about two years older... Trey couldn’t have been more than a couple of years old at the time. He had no idea what was going on. It was adorable, ha.
Don’t hate me for this, but beyond all of the glitz and glamour, and beyond the incredible performances that we saw, as children, no more than eight years old on that night... the thing that I remember the most was seeing the advertisement and the untelevised demonstration of the new Tyco R/C car. If I remember correctly, I went home and immediately begged my mother for one. That’s the most accurate memory!
But it was my first experience with the wrestling subculture, and I think it was Aubrey’s too.
I remember a man in multi-colored tassels... face-paint, war paint, and I was delighted just at the sight. The man he faced was a class-act... He came to the ring in a suit and tie, or perhaps it was a tuxedo- and he had a beautiful, blonde-haired woman at his side. I thought they were absolutely lovely. However, it wasn’t a particularly long match, and I remember having a bittersweet feeling when the man in paint reigned victorious, but I cheered because everyone else cheered. Because Aubrey cheered.
The night ended with two men fighting for longer than I could describe to you... and one of them swung down from the rafters in all-white, like some kind of superhero... but that isn’t the story here...
I just remember coming to Anaheim with the Parkers because Aubrey begged me to. She didn’t want to go alone to this event that she didn’t care about. We were discussing... God, I think it was the boy-band 911. We were the weird, worldly kids in school that listened to English pop. We spent a majority of the night talking about them, but I slowly lost her interest... she became enthralled with whatever was happening below us, between those ropes.
So I watched.
I watched as the crowd uttered cries of dissatisfaction at the sound of the buzzer. The two men that had fought for longer than I can remember were exhausted in the ring... but something happened... they got up, and again, they fought. I didn’t understand what was happening. To be honest, I don’t think I cared...
...but Aubrey did. And she was one of the eighteen-thousand, eight hundred and fifty-plus cheering, screaming members of that mob of people. As the victor fell to his knees, clutching that gorgeous golden belt to his chest, tears streaming down his face, Aubrey was screaming just as loud as the rest of them. I don’t know if she understood what she was cheering for, but there she was.
I don’t know if those guys became anything special, but she did.
That... that was the beginning of all this.
I didn’t get it. But I remember it.
jun.24.thirteenmorning
Aubrey was on the balcony over her New York City loft, and I was sitting in the kitchen, resting against the marble island with my phone held loosely to my ear with just two fingers, speaking quietly to Dr. Norman N. Nemo... Aubrey’s psychiatrist.
”She’s been acting normal lately.”
”Define ‘normal’.”
That prompted an eye roll.
”You know what I mean. She’s not running around with random wounds and bruises, screaming about how she’s going to hurt her friends... she’s just... been acting really... okay since the last Asylum. I mean- she had a little bit of a breakdown in the bathroom after she saw some backlash on Twitter, but besides that, she’s been fine. She’s been stable.”
”What’s she doing right now?”
”She’s on the balcony, playing with the kitten. We just had breakfast.”
”Was she vocal?”
”She just talked about the tournament a little bit. She’s been going to the gym with Talon a lot. She’s with him for most of the day. I think she was at a CRW event last night... I didn’t keep close watch. Maybe I should’ve.”
”It’s not your job to watch her at all hours of the day.”
I laughed a little bit, and that evil slug called guilt began to crawl from my stomach, up to my throat.
”And we probably shouldn’t be sharing information like this.”
”You’re a mutual friend. We haven’t discussed anything confidential. And I’m happy to hear that Aubrey’s doing well... is her uh... is Talon there?”
”Ooooh, why? Jealous, Dr. Nemo?”
”Ha... no. They just... it’s not important.”
There was an uncomfortable silence that I wasn’t certain how to break, but luckily, Nemo broke it for me. There was the sound of chatter in the background, and he returned to the line, speaking hurriedly.
”I have to go. Call me if you need anything, Cassandra.”
”Thanks. Seeya.”
I hung up the phone, and like clockwork, Aubrey made her way into the loft, gently kneeling down to place the kitten on the floor, and closing the sliding glass door behind her. She strolled casually to the kitchen and took a seat at the island, across from me, giving me a faint smile. I folded my hands and looked her over before speaking.
”How are you?”
”Not even bad. Who were ya talking to?”
My face may or may not have drained of color. I don’t know how she knew.
”My Nana.”
An obvious lie, but she didn’t react. She just continued to look at me with that delicate smile.
”Oh. Yeah? How’s she doing?”
”She’s not bad. She’s still planning on coming down to visit before we go to Orlando for Test for the Best... ha, she’s still your biggest fan, waving her M&M flag, wearing your shirts...”
”I’m glad! I miss Nana. What day’s she coming?”
”Not sure...”
Aubrey got to her feet and made her way toward the pantry. I swayed slightly in my chair to gaze at her.
”So how goes the Test for the Best prep anyway?”
She grinned and removed a box of cereal, Apple Jacks, from the pantry.
”It goes. It’s gonna be a big night, Cass! Dreams are coming true on Sunday.”
I was left in another situation where I was unsure how to react, but saved again, by Aubrey’s desire to speak.
”You think I could beat Terry?”
”Huh?”
The “huh?” was unnecessary. I knew what she had said, and I think I was just so caught off guard that I watched as she poured herself a bowl of cereal and again, took her place across from me.
”Well, I have to win the tournament first- hell, I have to get past round one, first, and that could be the first thing that fucks me up... but you know what...”
She took a bite of cereal, and between bites, pointed the spoon at me.
”I’ve got a new theory. A new outlook on things.”
”Yeah?”
”Mhm. It’s going to help me win the whole tournament. It’s going to... help me become the Undisputed Champion.”
”...and what’s that?”
As if she was afraid of somebody overhearing, she leaned closer to me across the island, dipping her spoon back into the bowl, with a devious smirk stretched across her lips.
”Fuck everybody that’s not AJP on Sunday night. Go for broke; go for blood. But they’re all my enemies.”
”What about Logan and Chris-”
”They’re all my enemies.”
”They might be the only people in this thing that have your back... like... even Terry might not, and I don’t know why he would. He already has Level One and the Synndicate to worry about. What if... you- you ever think about what might happen if somebody tries to take out Logan or Christian, or you before the tournament even starts? Did you think about what you might do?”
She was eating her cereal, looking down at the island in silence, for seconds.
”Would you stop it? Would you help them?”
”Ha.”
She snickered and pushed her hair back behind her shoulder, giving me a cool, curious leer.
”That’s a tough question.”
”You would’ve just said ‘yes’ if it wasn’t.”
”Well, on Sunday... maybe I wouldn’t.”
If you’re wondering, yes, I’m judging my best friend right now.
”I wouldn’t expect them to risk their wellbeing if somebody decided to come after me, either, but you know how we are- and you know how the New Sindicate rolls. If one of us is in trouble, then we all spring into action, and that’s what separates us from people like Nathaniel Havok and the League... people like Jennings and the Natural Born Killaz... we are a unit, not a random collaboration of talent. We give a damn about one another...”
She paused and mulled the situation over silently.
”...so yeah... I guess if one of us is in trouble then... then we all are, no matter what the ultimate goal is.”
I was relieved to hear it, honestly. It was one of the first reasonable statements the bitch has made in months!
”But this is the most important thing in my life. Nothing means more to me than winning this tournament.”
”I know.”
She looked down at her nearly empty bowl of cereal and for a fmoment, I thought she might’ve been done talking. I was prepared to announce my departure, when-
”Have you ever wished death on somebody?”
Shit like this is why one of my closest friends is her psychiatrist. I think I stared at her in awe for a few seconds, and you have to understand- coming out of anybody else’s mouth, this would have been the initiation of a super-intriguing conversation, but coming out of Aubrey’s mouth, this had the potential to be batshit, and I had to be on my guard.
”I hate the idea that I’m not allowed to be the best because of the people that I’m associated with. Do you know how much shit I get for winning a match in this company? Like... do you have any idea what it’s like to have to work somewhere where millions of people are sending you hate mail, and calling you a cunt, and a slut, and a whore, and waiting to see you fail?”
She had that shaky voice that I guess people get when they’re trying not to sound angry, or sad, and... I faltered. I knew how long she’d kept that bottled up- it was shit I’d always anticipated coming out.
”People like Nathaniel fucking Havok, and sometimes even my own stablemate... my own friend, Christian- he says the most horrible, atrocious fucking things, and I see him, and it’s fine, but in the back of my head all I can think about is slamming his face into the ground and beating him... and beating him... and beating him until there’s damage, and until he can’t move, and until he can’t wrestle, and I think, constantly, about hurting my friend.
And I just never feel bad, ha, I just don’t.
And when I look back, and I... and... I see Havok back when he was in his Tuhoa Valo garb, and I listen to the things he said about me, and about Logan, I just think about what it would be like to just break one of his fucking ribs, or his kneecap, and obliterate his dreams of facing Level One.
I want to hurt them.
I WANT to hurt them.”
Aubrey was shaking. I was tempted to reach out and touch her wrist, but I could tell from those eyes... it wasn’t the time.
”Take your medicine?”
She laughed. It sounded like a genuine laugh, and it went against everything I had just witnessed, but she answered after her small fit.
”No.”
”Think you should?”
It was a rhetorical question. She knew it, and she gave me an annoyed look.
”I like this zone. I like where I am. I like being able to hate my-”
”Hate, hate? You don’t even know who your first opponent is.”
”Don’t need to. I can hate them anyway.”
”...alright. You do that. And I hope you enjoy it.”
She smiled.
”I do.”
”Yeah. I know.”
This time, I didn’t hesitate in getting up from the stool before the island and gathering my purse, which was sitting by the door. I slung it over my shoulder and turned, looking down at Aubrey, who hadn’t moved. She hadn’t even looked away from the spot I’d just been sitting.
”I’m going out. Probably be back tomorrow. If Logan comes by, let him know I said ‘hey’, alright?”
I paused. Maybe it was spite. Maybe I thought I was funny. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I said:
”Try not to kill him. Remember who your friends are.”
I didn’t look at her again. I left.
jun.24.thirteenafternoon
”Dear... first round opponent...
Or opponents...
I don’t know who you are, but I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t halt my dreams of validation- and I’m willing to go any length, by any means necessary to crush yours.
I know that a lot of people are expecting CJ Gates or Biggs to win this tournament, because of their stories... and because of where they come from... and they’re really, rich stories, let me tell you- I mean, Biggs went through one of the most incredible Hell in a Cell matches in history when he faced Level One at Rasslemania. For hours, that structure was hanging above the ring, signifying doom, and even I saw it, and I got this nervous, disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach, because I knew two people were going to give the undeserving, ungrateful masses their bodies, and their blood...
...and Biggs lost.
Despite one of the most incredible contests that Action Packed Wrestling was ever graced with, Biggs lost to Level One and that should have been the conclusion to an epic rivalry. That should have been IT!! But instead, Biggs is going for a second run at Level One, and a run at the World Heavyweight Championship by default... and... as a performer, I can’t blame Biggs. He earned his way into this tournament, and if he wins, he earns a shot at the championship-
But that’s not what I want.
...I want to win.
...I want to earn a shot at the Undisputed Championship, and instead try, and fail, against Level One once again, I want to finally cement my legacy in wrestling history by becoming the second woman to hold the APW Undisputed Title- and become the most dominant champion in the title’s history, surpassing the likes of Level One and Terry Marvin, and making my own mark.
Now, I know what you’re thinking...
...What about CJ Gates? What if it’s CJ Gates that you face in the first round?
And that’s something that I thought about, and there were some terrible scenes I played over and over in my head because if I were CJ Gates, I’d have more motivation than eight out of the ten of the people in this gig, but only eight, because nobody has more motivation than I do.
Gates, like Biggs, is on his own path back to Level One. Gates has lost to Level One- what- five times by this point, with his only saving grace being a surprise win over the guy at Christmas Chaos, which is the same night that the world turned their backs on AJP, but I digress. Gates versus Level One is a story that’s been told before, and been done to death, and though I’m sure we’d get another five star spectacle out of it, it’s not a story I want to live through again.
I’m tired of seeing the gatekeeper try and fail, while people like me, who have been knocking at the door of opportunity, have to wait in line, again.
It’s not what I want.
I WANT TO WIN.
Like... like I know people like Nathaniel Havok and A.C. Smith want to win, and fuck them.
Fuck them.
I hate A.C. Smith, and I want him to die.
A.C. Smith is one of the cruelest human beings I’ve met in my life, and- and you fucking pig, if you’re listening, AND I KNOW YOU ARE, then I want you to know that in my heart, I hope that it’s you that I face first, so I can hurt you for everything you’ve ever said to me, and every time you’ve tried to humiliate me, or put me down in front of the world...
...I want you to know that you’re the reason I’m stronger, and you’re the reason that I wake up with Undisputed Championship aspirations every day, because I WANT to do what you CANNOT do again, and that’s win this tournament... that’s go onto become a World Champion... and you’ve enjoyed your success, and I know- I know how bright, and good you are but you’re not me, and you WON’T get a win...
...Same goes for you, Hopkins. Baby. I know we’ve fought, and we’ve had our disagreements in the past, and despite all the respect I have for you in the ring, I hate you- I despise you outside of it, and I want to be the cause of your downfall. If it’s you- IF YOU’RE FIRST, then the world gets what it’s been begging for all year... AJP versus Hopkins... and we get to see which one of us is better, and I promise you, baby, it’s me.
It’s me.
...it’s always been me...
…
Could face Nathaniel Havok.
Havok is one of those people that likes to call me a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’ on Twitter, and thinks that by desecrating my image, he can gain an advantage over me in the ring. Havok’s a man that aligned himself with the head of this company, and is on a mission to save the world that the New Sindicate has tried so valiantly to procure...
Nathaniel is someone that talks about himself as if he’s some type of God, but he’s never given anyone a reason to BELIEVE that he is. Nathaniel is in the same situation that I’m in... everybody knows how good we could be, but aside from a screwy World Championship reign on Havok’s part, nobody has proof. We lack validation.
Havok's one of the few people in this match that overlooks me as a threat, and for that reason, I encourage him to stick to his battle with politics... because inside the ring, he won’t surpass me; baby, Havok, you cannot because I won’t let you. So long to your dreams... say goodbye to your journey back to Level One...
...and say goodbye to your whole world, because...
I’m taking it from you, and nobody’s stopping me- not even my own team. If you’ve watched, you already know my views on that situation...
Logan.
Christian.
I love you guys and I am New Sindicate from now until the ends of forever, but my dreams take a backseat to nothing; nobody. That includes you two, and I expect you feel the same way- at least, for your sakes, I hope so. I want to see a member of New Sindicate holding that trophy, looking toward a golden Shockwave at the end of the night, but- but as you can imagine, I want that New Sindicate member to be me.
I want to be the woman that wins Test for the Best.
Validation.
Validation!
Yet, when I think I’m looking farther up than anybody, I remember the wildcards in this tournament. I remember the two people in this that only had to win one match to gain entry, and I remember the people coming into this with more hostility and more negativity thrown in their direction than even myself... Robina Hood and Jace Savage.
Neither of them are expected to win this, and I know that only drives them. All it can DO is drive them, and I know it, because it drives me.
I don’t believe these people when they say I can’t do something, and I know the Meltdown crew doesn’t either, so whether it’s one on one, or in a triple threat match, or even a fatal four way, rest assured, that Aubrey J. Parker goes easy on no one. Not tag team partners... not Jace Savage, the world’s beloved underdog...
And not even you, Robina.
As women, we have to work harder to be treated as equals, and don’t think for a moment that I ever overlooked you. Hell- don’t think that I forgot that you helped cost me my Tag Team Championship at Rasslemania...
...out of respect for you, babydoll, I owe it to you to fracture every bone in your face, and move right past you on my path to validation.
For women everywhere- for underdogs across the nation, I’ll reign supreme over a woman, and over eight men in a man’s world.
I’ll change the whole fucking WORLD!
I’ll change a man’s world.
I’ll prove to you that I am... the best.”
mar.31.ninetysix
It’s me. Cassandra.
I remembered something.
I remember that even though it would be years before Aubrey rediscovered her interest in this subculture called wrestling, and even though I couldn’t remember the finer details of that evening in Anaheim, there was one thing that stuck out, and I don’t remember if I reacted, but her father had opened the door for us as we piled into the minivan, and he asked us if we enjoyed the show.
Aubrey, eight years old, full of pep answered for the both of us.
”It was pretty.”
I never looked at it that way. I never... thought of it as pretty, or beautiful. But she did.
I didn’t get it, back then... but I remembered.
this is a man's world
fin.
