Post by Mark Mania on Jul 30, 2013 15:31:28 GMT -4
The Mania Update for the Week of July 29th
The scene comes in on Mark Mania sitting behind a desk. On the front of the desk reads the words “Mania Headquarters”.
Voice-Over: Now from Mania World Wide Headquarters, The Mania Update with Mark Mania!
The in-studio crowd applauds as Mark bows his head towards one side of the crowd and then towards the other. He offers a bright smile as he straightens his tie.
Mark Mania: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My name is Mark Mania and I know what you’re thinking, trust me, I do. Why is Mark here? What does he want? And when is he getting back in the ring? Because I feel like it, to inform the masses, and not yet.
The crowd laughs as Mark sits back in his seat.
Mark Mania: Listen, I’ve spent a lot of time on the sidelines watching what’s been going on in the APW and even beyond that. Which is why while I’m here, this isn’t necessarily going to be an APW show. This show is to inform everyone about the world that we live in. I’ve seen far too much hate, violence, and discrimination going on in this world and it has to stop. I’ve also seen this so-called Generation Y ignore their elders and live a ridiculously lavish lifestyle that is destroying the very fabric of our society and I’m sick of it.
The crowd applauds.
Mark Mania:So what’s on the docket for today?
Mark looks over his notes.
Mark Mania: Generation Y in the workplace, yes, that’s where I’ll start. Listen, let me make this clear for everyone, if you have a job, consider yourself lucky. If you don’t have a job, consider yourself a waste of space. That’s the world that we live in. I’m sick of people suing their way to an average life, living off the governments tit, or living in their parents basement until they’re 30. Now, I know people have their issues and their excuses for not working but frankly I’m sick of the excuses. That’s all they really are, because there is no reason for anyone to not work. You’re too fat to work? Fuck you. You lost an arm in the war? Thank you for your service, I appreciate your sacrifice for my freedoms and for my country and I think what the United States is doing to you is criminal. Now, buck up, and get a job answering phones or greeting people at Wal-Mart. This is a capitalist society we live in, there will always be private corporations that need low-level employees to boost their public relations. It’s a sick world, but we all live in it, and you’re better off contributing to it than sitting back and waiting for your next government check.
More applause from the crowd.
Mark Mania: Now when I get to this point I always get the question, “Well Mark, what about those with mental disabilities?” And I say, “Hey, fuck you bro, head to your local shopping center and you’ll see someone pushing carts to make a living.” Is it prestigious? Is it fair? No, but that’s not the world we live in. We can’t expect it to always be fair. You were born with a disability, I don’t know if it’s God’s will or if your mother couldn’t lay off the Marlboro’s for 9 months, but that’s the life you were born into and you need to do everything you can to not be a burden on others.
Mark slaps the desk.
Mark Mania: That’s the main issue! Being a fucking burden! Let’s say you’re at your local Dunkin Donuts, you take a sip of your coffee and then speed out of the parking lot and spill your coffee all over yourself. You burn your chest and then you sue Dunkin Donuts, get a couple hundred thousand dollars, go on disability at work and then just put your feet up and watch another episode of Family Feud. It’s fucking pathetic, your coffee is going to be hot, you don’t need to sue someone because you’re a dipshit. Oh you tripped and fell on someone’s property, you know what they owe you? Medical bills, that’s all. There is no way to quantify pain and suffering. They should pay you to go to a doctor, get your arm put in a sling and prescription for vicodin. But after that, once you’ve taken all your vicodin, the sling is sitting in your junk drawer and your fine? You don’t need anything else. You know you don’t. But you started to like the taste of vicodin and like the feel of forgetting that you’re a scumbag and burden on society so you keep suing more and more for bull shit scams until you’ve taken so much vicodin that your bowels have given out and you’re limping around on the wrong leg that you said was hurt with shit leaking out of your ass all day, but the world owes you something because you’ve been screwed. You know what I say? Fuck you.
The crowd applauds again.
Mark Mania: Well, that was a tangent wasn’t it? What did I want to talk about? Generation Y? Oh yes. Well, that’s the thing, they need to realize that the only way to get anywhere in life is to work your ass off and be the best at what you do. Some people lay tile, some people run the business. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, but you better be trying to be the fucking best. What’s the point of doing something if you’re not trying to be the best? If you don’t have the ability to be the best, then you best damn change what you’re doing. We don’t have time for people who can’t figure it out. So if you have an IQ of 70 start flipping burgers at McDonald’s, but don’t use your lack of intelligence as an excuse because a fucking monkey could flip burgers, so you better be the best fucking burger flipper there is. Now, if you have an IQ of 130 and you’re a comptroller for the local fabric company, you better not think, “oh I have a high IQ, I’m above this job” because you know what, you’re fucking not. If you’re working the job, then it’s your damn job, and if you think you’ve above it, then be the best fucking comptroller that’s ever existed and move on to where you think you should be. There are no good excuses in this world. Every excuse someone shoots at me, I’ll shoot down like a clay skeet in Texas.
Mark yells “pull” and then motions with his arms like he’s shooting down the skeet.
Mark Mania: I’m sick and tired of watching people waste away their lives, waste away this governments money, and waste other people’s time. There isn’t enough time in the day or money in the budget for your bad attitude and your sense of pride. Do you’re fucking job and be the best at it, simple as that.
The crowd erupts after that. Mark bows his head towards them again then motions with his hands for them to calm down.
Mark Mania: Ok, ok, that was my rant for this week. I would however like to finish this show like I’ll finish all shows. I stumbled across a news headline and I’d like to make a judgment on it without actually reading the story at all.
“Appeals court strikes down NYC ban on large sodas”[/i]
Mark Mania: Just fucking what we need our court systems doing, arguing about whether it’s constitutional for us to drink our weight in Diet Coke. Let me solve this fucking problem real quick. Let’s ban supersize soda’s, then the stupid fat fucks that want a supersize can buy 10 smalls and combine them in a big slop bucket and drink out of them like a pig. This way, the big fat fucks get their 4 liters of Diet Coke, and the company selling the soda can say, “Oh fuck we sold 10 small soda’s, looks like we’re really leading the way in improving the health of this country, people are clearly drinking less.” See everyone’s lying and everybody wins. That’s the fucking world you’ve all made for us.
The crowd offers a final applause.
Mark Mania: Goodnight and fuck you!
The camera pulls away and Mark smiles.
The scene comes in on Mark Mania sitting behind a desk. On the front of the desk reads the words “Mania Headquarters”.
Voice-Over: Now from Mania World Wide Headquarters, The Mania Update with Mark Mania!
The in-studio crowd applauds as Mark bows his head towards one side of the crowd and then towards the other. He offers a bright smile as he straightens his tie.
Mark Mania: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My name is Mark Mania and I know what you’re thinking, trust me, I do. Why is Mark here? What does he want? And when is he getting back in the ring? Because I feel like it, to inform the masses, and not yet.
The crowd laughs as Mark sits back in his seat.
Mark Mania: Listen, I’ve spent a lot of time on the sidelines watching what’s been going on in the APW and even beyond that. Which is why while I’m here, this isn’t necessarily going to be an APW show. This show is to inform everyone about the world that we live in. I’ve seen far too much hate, violence, and discrimination going on in this world and it has to stop. I’ve also seen this so-called Generation Y ignore their elders and live a ridiculously lavish lifestyle that is destroying the very fabric of our society and I’m sick of it.
The crowd applauds.
Mark Mania:So what’s on the docket for today?
Mark looks over his notes.
Mark Mania: Generation Y in the workplace, yes, that’s where I’ll start. Listen, let me make this clear for everyone, if you have a job, consider yourself lucky. If you don’t have a job, consider yourself a waste of space. That’s the world that we live in. I’m sick of people suing their way to an average life, living off the governments tit, or living in their parents basement until they’re 30. Now, I know people have their issues and their excuses for not working but frankly I’m sick of the excuses. That’s all they really are, because there is no reason for anyone to not work. You’re too fat to work? Fuck you. You lost an arm in the war? Thank you for your service, I appreciate your sacrifice for my freedoms and for my country and I think what the United States is doing to you is criminal. Now, buck up, and get a job answering phones or greeting people at Wal-Mart. This is a capitalist society we live in, there will always be private corporations that need low-level employees to boost their public relations. It’s a sick world, but we all live in it, and you’re better off contributing to it than sitting back and waiting for your next government check.
More applause from the crowd.
Mark Mania: Now when I get to this point I always get the question, “Well Mark, what about those with mental disabilities?” And I say, “Hey, fuck you bro, head to your local shopping center and you’ll see someone pushing carts to make a living.” Is it prestigious? Is it fair? No, but that’s not the world we live in. We can’t expect it to always be fair. You were born with a disability, I don’t know if it’s God’s will or if your mother couldn’t lay off the Marlboro’s for 9 months, but that’s the life you were born into and you need to do everything you can to not be a burden on others.
Mark slaps the desk.
Mark Mania: That’s the main issue! Being a fucking burden! Let’s say you’re at your local Dunkin Donuts, you take a sip of your coffee and then speed out of the parking lot and spill your coffee all over yourself. You burn your chest and then you sue Dunkin Donuts, get a couple hundred thousand dollars, go on disability at work and then just put your feet up and watch another episode of Family Feud. It’s fucking pathetic, your coffee is going to be hot, you don’t need to sue someone because you’re a dipshit. Oh you tripped and fell on someone’s property, you know what they owe you? Medical bills, that’s all. There is no way to quantify pain and suffering. They should pay you to go to a doctor, get your arm put in a sling and prescription for vicodin. But after that, once you’ve taken all your vicodin, the sling is sitting in your junk drawer and your fine? You don’t need anything else. You know you don’t. But you started to like the taste of vicodin and like the feel of forgetting that you’re a scumbag and burden on society so you keep suing more and more for bull shit scams until you’ve taken so much vicodin that your bowels have given out and you’re limping around on the wrong leg that you said was hurt with shit leaking out of your ass all day, but the world owes you something because you’ve been screwed. You know what I say? Fuck you.
The crowd applauds again.
Mark Mania: Well, that was a tangent wasn’t it? What did I want to talk about? Generation Y? Oh yes. Well, that’s the thing, they need to realize that the only way to get anywhere in life is to work your ass off and be the best at what you do. Some people lay tile, some people run the business. It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, but you better be trying to be the fucking best. What’s the point of doing something if you’re not trying to be the best? If you don’t have the ability to be the best, then you best damn change what you’re doing. We don’t have time for people who can’t figure it out. So if you have an IQ of 70 start flipping burgers at McDonald’s, but don’t use your lack of intelligence as an excuse because a fucking monkey could flip burgers, so you better be the best fucking burger flipper there is. Now, if you have an IQ of 130 and you’re a comptroller for the local fabric company, you better not think, “oh I have a high IQ, I’m above this job” because you know what, you’re fucking not. If you’re working the job, then it’s your damn job, and if you think you’ve above it, then be the best fucking comptroller that’s ever existed and move on to where you think you should be. There are no good excuses in this world. Every excuse someone shoots at me, I’ll shoot down like a clay skeet in Texas.
Mark yells “pull” and then motions with his arms like he’s shooting down the skeet.
Mark Mania: I’m sick and tired of watching people waste away their lives, waste away this governments money, and waste other people’s time. There isn’t enough time in the day or money in the budget for your bad attitude and your sense of pride. Do you’re fucking job and be the best at it, simple as that.
The crowd erupts after that. Mark bows his head towards them again then motions with his hands for them to calm down.
Mark Mania: Ok, ok, that was my rant for this week. I would however like to finish this show like I’ll finish all shows. I stumbled across a news headline and I’d like to make a judgment on it without actually reading the story at all.
“Appeals court strikes down NYC ban on large sodas”[/i]
Mark Mania: Just fucking what we need our court systems doing, arguing about whether it’s constitutional for us to drink our weight in Diet Coke. Let me solve this fucking problem real quick. Let’s ban supersize soda’s, then the stupid fat fucks that want a supersize can buy 10 smalls and combine them in a big slop bucket and drink out of them like a pig. This way, the big fat fucks get their 4 liters of Diet Coke, and the company selling the soda can say, “Oh fuck we sold 10 small soda’s, looks like we’re really leading the way in improving the health of this country, people are clearly drinking less.” See everyone’s lying and everybody wins. That’s the fucking world you’ve all made for us.
The crowd offers a final applause.
Mark Mania: Goodnight and fuck you!
The camera pulls away and Mark smiles.
