One's Yard Sale
Jul 31, 2013 23:07:36 GMT -4
Victor Hades, Shione "SURGE" Ōshima, and 4 more like this
Post by Level-Two on Jul 31, 2013 23:07:36 GMT -4
In conjunction with the creators of South Park, Synndicated productions presents...
One's Yard Sale
''Hi, I am AC Smith.''
The introduction fell flat as Level-One stood there behind his yard sale stand blinking at AC smith, while waiting for the punch line that never came.
''So, what can I do for you Mister? Do you see any of my accomplishments you like?''
AC smith glances over the various championship replicas and trophies before pulling out a title of his own.
''Actually sir, I was hoping that we could bargain some type of deal. I know this is a yard sale but how much could I charge you to take this fine piece of hardware off my shoulders?''
''Mr. Smith, I am afraid that much is not possible. See, I am trying to get RID of all this junk, not add more to my collection. Besides, that title of yours is hardly worth anything - it may be a fancy trash can lid but at the end of the day it's still a trash can lid.''
''Well, you know what they say, one man's trash is another man’s treasure!''
''Which is exactly why you should hold onto that, Mr. Smith. I know that you think turning in your little trinket will provide you with significant funds, along with your side business of running narcotics and hookers out of your squad car over there but the weekly maintenance for a holder of a title of this caliber takes a whole lot of work I am not sure you're quite ready to put in, AC.''
AC Smith shoves the Xtreme title into his rectum and hobbles off towards his squad car at the curb as the next person in line steps up.
''Uegh, Nick Watson. So, what brings YOU around APWville this time of year? Let me guess, trying to squeeze a few months of work in before you bail out on Rasslemania again?''
''Very funny, Level-One. I'll have you know it that MY DAD Pence Weatherlight has provided me with enough of his retirement funds to set up my very own kool aid stand right beside your little garage sale here.''
''Oh, how typical of you. Nick Watson always trying to up his ol' man’s nemesis! Well, have at it - at best, your more of a nuisance than a serious competitor.''
''What do you mean I am not a competitor!? I will sell more of my kool aid than you can sell off your little prized possessions.... HEY WAIT!?''
Nick Watson hobbles on past Level-One and picks up a replica of the true experts title.
''Dude, you were the true experts champion!? So not fair! You think it's too late to sign up for the annual extreme tournament so I can have one too!?''
''Who knows, I didn't even sign up this year.''
''Oh, you didn't? Forget that then! Pfft... We are, I mean... I am too good for that silly tournament anyways!''
Nick Watson slams down the true expert championship and hobbles back around the table to face off with Level-One.
''You may think your APWville's best entrepreneur but you’re out of your mind if you think I am not going to give you a run for your money! My kool aid will have everyone in this village clutching at their stomachs toppling over as they struggle to fathom my greatness!''
''Well, I guess that's what happens when your kool aid includes cyanide.''
''Mwahaha, you can only WISH I was as villainous as you! Now I am done mingling with the enemy, father wouldn't be happy with me if he knew I was!''
Nick Watson leans over and whispers in Level-One's ear.
''I noticed there's a lack of tag team championships in your collection, think you could use one more!?''
Level-One stares past Nick Watson whom hobbles away and promptly sets up his kool aid stand. By the curb, a hearse pulls up and two figures step out with each other holding hands.
''What are APW's two biggest tampon suckers doing out while the suns still out? Isn't that unhealthy for vamps?''
''Come on, stop being so mean to me! Lester, why can't we just be friends?''
''What the hell do you want Hades?''
Victor Hades wraps an arm lovingly around his companion Leon Roberts.
''We want to help you. We want to join you and work as a team against the forces of everything good. We heard you were holding a garage sale and we thought you could use some muscle in case anyone around here wanted to start trouble.''
''Is that so?'' Level-One asks, pointing right beside him. ''Well... Nick Watson over here has decided to open up his Kool-Aid stand in an attempt to draw business away from my yard sale, I don't think either of you would be opposed to taking care of him for me?''
''It would be my pleasure, Lester.''
Victor Hades and Leon Roberts fly over to Nick Watson by his Kool-Aid stand and approach him tactically from behind. Victor Hades dunks Nick Watson's face inside the punch bowl while Leon Roberts spanks Nick Watson like a red headed step child. The assault ends when Victor Hades breaks a glass bowl over Nick Watson's head killing him instantly.
YOU KILLED NICK WATSON, YOU BASTARD!
''Thanks for the help guys, let me make a call so we can remove his carcass from the premises.''
Victor Hades quickly objects with nervous laughter.
''Please, don't bother. Leave the cleanup to us. There are extensive tests we would like put Nick Watson through before he is buried, if you don't mind.''
''Sure, though let me ask you this. Why hasn't your buddy Leon Roberts said a word since he got here?''
''Leon? Heh... Last night he suffered a severe throat injury if you know what I mean. I must've slipped it down the wrong pipe.''
''Right, take care guys...''
Victor Hades and Leon Roberts drag Nick Watson’s dead body and then dumps it into the hearse before speeding off. Meanwhile, a sneaky opportunist looks to make his mark...
''Hey get your hands off of the merchandise you thief!''
Level-One forcefully removes the APW World Championship from Biggs possession, as Biggs cowers away.
''I am sorry, sir.''
''You tried to steal from me - if all our cops weren't corrupt like Mr. Smith around here, I'd have you arrested!''
''No, please! I am going to Level with you, no pun intended! Lester, you know I cannot afford enough talent for that title of yours and I was just resorting to the thing I did best, stealing. You know, like the time I robbed you out of a win at Test for the Best by cheating and then there was the time I stole your billion dollar briefcase...''
''And to think you were a changed man, Biggs. I am so very disappointed in you!''
He raises a fist and Biggs falls onto the floor, pathetic and subservient - something like a domesticated dog exposing it's underbelly to his owner.
''I am a changed man, I swear! Though, let's be honest. I am hardly awarded for my honest work around this village! Ever since I have tried to earn an ''honest'' living, life's only had gotten so much harder. It started with the ass kicking you gave me at Rasslemania IX and all the lost wages that came with it, then my failure to win Test for the Best and now I am in a squabble with the likes of Michael Jennings...''
''Speaking of Michael Jennings... when did he become a black man?''
''What? I am not a black man.''
''Yes, you are. You're a black man with black hands!''
''That's the name of my new stable, you idiot!''
''Oh, cool. So, who's in your new black man stable? Anthony Bailey? J.R Hopkins? William D. Williams? Hey, I heard James Chambers is at a barbeque down the street and is looking for work. Is Al Sharpton your Manager?''
Michael Jennings closes his black hand to create a black fist.
''Oh, how cute is this little yard sale of yours? To think you've resorted to selling off your title just because you'd hate to suffer the embarrassment of losing it to me... well, you're almost as cowardly as Biggs.''
The two look down at Biggs who's shaking in a pool of his own hot piss.
''Do you want to buy my APW world championship or not Jennings, you know there's no other way you're getting your hands on it.''
''Fine, I'll budge but only if we can come to a mutual agreement! I fucking deserve a discount for being a loyal non customer. Yeah, I like that sound of that. Not only do I want a discount but I want a discount of at least 50% and I want you to throw me in a LeWinter sister on the side....''
''You know Jennings; I think you're confused to as how this process works. You don't get to come in here and just make demands whenever you please.''
''What are you talking about!? This is a GREAT deal! You should be THANKFUL I am taking that belt off YOUR hands! You're going to take my money whether you like it or not you god damned bastard!''
''Or what, Jennings? If I don't take your generous offer what the hell are you going to do to me?''
''I'll run you straight out of APWville!''
''I'd like to see you try, Jennings! Either you pay full price or you can just move the fuck on. I don't think there's ever been a threat you've made and actually followed through on.''
A car pulls up by the curb as blaring hip hop music kicks from the stereo. Michael Jennings tosses Lester a five and buys one of his signed microphones which he shouts into heading towards his entourage.
''I'll get you Level-One and your little hamster too!''
As Michael Jennings departs a UFO floats over Level-One's yard sale and beams a bright laser down upon them, a large sucking sound is heard and Biggs is evacuated off the scene meanwhile CJ Gates hops out and floats down to earth like a little fairy.
''If it isn't CJ Gates! I really didn't think you had the gull to actually show up to my yard sale, old friend. I don't know what I have in stock that you'd possibly be interested in...''
''Cut the crap, Level. We both know why I am here today, I want another shot at your APW world championship.''
''I am afraid it is no longer possible! I beat you at Shockwave rendering you unable to compete for the title again for over four thousand years when my term as APW world champion is legally scheduled for it's end.''
''That maybe true but everyone in APWville knows you have the power to make this happen if you really wanted too.''
Level-One laughed.
''You're right, CJ. I am both the deal maker and the deal breaker - the problem is, I don't want to! You had your chance CJ Gates and you blew it. YOU BLEW IT!''
''... but Lester, if you were willing to give the title to me for free - why can't you grant me this one last match? I beg of you.''
''I refuse. Sure, I was once willing to give you the championship for free but you made me the laughing stock of APWville by refusing my generous offer! You thought you could beat me, you thought you were better than me and too good to simply take the title off my hands the only way I was willing to give it to you and now look at you - begging for me to give you another shot. NO!''
CJ Gates lowers his head once again acknowledging defeat.
''You're right, I messed up. Look, I am going to do whatever I can to raise the funds and buy that championship off your hands even if it means selling my body...''
''You already sold your soul CJ, your body is all that you have left.''
CJ Gates looks up at the UFO hovering over his head before it sucks him in. The UFO soars through the skies and disappears with a sparkle... that's when Level-One receives an all-important phone call.
''You have the money? Perfect...''
The scene ends with a newspaper floating onto the screen.
I know I should probably hate Alexander Duvall for this but in a weird way, I appreciate the unique challenge this tag team match up presents. I mean, throwing me on a team with the likes of Victor Hades, Michael Jennings and Leon Roberts against two former undisputed champions, a former Xtreme champion along with his predecessor; it's clear to see that which team on paper has the clear advantage.
Though, I hope Nick Watson takes full advantage of the stacked decked in his favor this week or the fact that he let his team down really isn't going to look great on his resume. Then again, it's Nick Watson we're talking about. His entire career has been consistently, inconsistent - when he isn't enjoying a long layoff he's usually losing matches besmirching his father's reputation. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't like his father much but at least he was able to cement his name on an unturned rock kept in a fancy pants museum somewhere...
Nobody is going to remember you, Nick. In fact, if you weren't a second generation Mega Star President Jeff wouldn't give you the time of day and you know it. With all your father has given you, you'd think you'd work a little bit harder to make your old man proud. I can't speak for him but if you were my child, I'd disown you as my own. Every real man's dream is to raise a child up into an adult that is greater than himself; he obviously hasn't done that with you - in a way, you've both failed each other.
The only saving grace is that for whatever reason you don't carry his last name out in public. Every time your name is at the bottom of a card it's behind the pseudonym of Watson rather than Weatherlight - it is the only saving grace and the only reason your father hasn't been laughed out of every credible social circle he still has a place in. You're a fucking scourge on his memory, as feeble as it is to me...
For his sake, I hope he doesn't have to live long enough to bury a son not worth the dirt in his life time.
And AC Smith... you just keep popping up like a pimple on my ass I can't seem to get rid of. I wish I can be as dismissive as you as I usually am but considering this is a different scenario, I need to watch my words wisely. See, it's quite possible that you're better than my entire team inside that ring. I don't know if I should applaud you or cry foul but let me just say, I do hope you make the most out of this opportunity.
I mean, we already seen the fruits of your labor when it comes to one on one action against me. The reality of the situation is this match isn't going to prove a damn thing. In fact, I have much more to gain than I actually have to lose. If we win? Then it means I lead a group of miscreant low life’s to victory. If I lose? It means you couldn't get one over on me without the aid of two former APW Undisputed Champions. Though, be thankful if you get one over one me at all...
Me? I wouldn't fight alongside you guys even if I had the choice. I have done everything in my power to make things harder on myself and each step of the way, I've only been shit on and criticized for it. Before I even acknowledge this match was a reality the likes of Michael Jennings was already trying to run my name through the dirt. Last week, Victor Hades wasn't singing my praise and yet I am being generous enough to show up to entertain this team of jackals - tasked with turning a bunch of glorified bench warmers into a winning team. See, that's the difference between from me and you AC...
I mean, your still clutching onto that lousy title of yours. Props for your loyalty and I will say that you have been the greatest Xtreme Champion in APW history but is that ALL you want for yourself? I have seen no real desire to elevate your game above and beyond what's expected of you, I've seen no genuine attempts to evolve nor am I led to believe you see yourself anywhere else than where you already are.
Congratulations, you've held that title for over a year. Are going to go for two? Three? Four? Or are you finally going to grow up, become a man and aim for something bigger with your life, AC? Usually, I'd encourage you to stay in your lane and out of my way but at this rate - I'll be beating CJ Gates every month for the next year if somebody, somewhere doesn't step up to the plate.
Please sit the fuck down, Michael Jennings. Nobody is talking to you.
I mean, I thought maybe we could put some weight behind Biggs mixing things up but then he caved in - the same result we got when he won his first APW Undisputed Championship. To be honest, it's hard not to take some credit for his failure at Test for the Best. Biggs, not only did I take you out of action for over a month but I broke you down physically, mentally and emotionally. By the end of it all there was not even the slightest question in anybody’s mind who the better man is, was and always will be and now you'll forever have to carry that burden.
On that night, I solved the puzzle of Biggs. It's done. You can hit the books, study the tapes and make your first point of contact square one as you've so elegantly stated but it will all be for naught because the only thing you'll be working towards with me is another loss.
I may have been humbled by Terry Marvin but you are not him, you are not even half of him. Our match came down to one call, where as if my match with you went any other way it would come down to a referee being fired, charged with conspiracy and a full out federation wide investigation to follow. If you want to enjoy the glory time had once had borrowed you, it'll have to be with me out of the picture and the with current landscape as I see it - that is simply not possible short of you returning to your roots and taking me out by any means necessary.
It is not my fault that you have allowed yourself to become a pacified pansy that’s only purpose around here is to work the smart marks up into a cold sweat with your so called technical wrestling. If you weren't so busy boring the fuck out of everyone within a 12 meter radius doing your best sand paper impression, you wouldn't have to deal with being drug into a match with Michael Jennings! As much as that loud mouth talks, the APW wouldn't even give him the time a day against me even if I begged for it because they know it'll end in a no contest and that's with me breaking no rules.
It makes me sick to know that all of us will have to endure your verbal ass kissing of CJ Gates, as you pander to him emotionally. The reality of the situation, you could care less about CJ Gates. Your partnership is nothing more than a sleazy marriage of convenience forged in the back of a seedy motel at three in the morning. At one time you were mutually using each other but now it's just a one way street to be used solely for your advantage; clearly, CJ Gates is the better man and I cannot recall a single time when he didn't come out the better man. If anything, you're at best a liability to him and his team.
Let's just be honest, I'd sooner burn this title into ashes than hand it off to the likes of you, Biggs.
However, a man is not to be judged by the company he keeps. After all, if that were the case; I'd be seen as beautiful just like the company I keep. CJ Gates, if you are an honest man then you will openly acknowledge this fraud of a match up. Though, you’re hardly an honest man at that. After what I have done for you, I'd hoped that you'd stand up and do the right thing and issue a statement against this atrocity but considering it benefits for you, I've anticipated your silence. If you had any backbone you would dismiss the APW and General Manger Alexander Duvall for stooping to such lows in order to put you and your ilk... how do you say, ''over?''
Though, I suppose you need to look good somehow. I thought I had done that when I had gave you the APW world championship but perhaps it simply wasn't good enough for Master Gates. Perhaps, my form on the hand off just wasn't correct. Is that it CJ? Is it my fault that when I handed off my title to you, I didn't do it with a little bow before hand? Or maybe it was because I forgot to polish the title first - how silly of me, handing off a dirty APW world championship!? Oh, CJ Gates... how horribly, I have wronged you! Time to cue up the dramatic music to get all those fans of you riled up and crying about the injustices I have once again bestowed upon you!
We may not nor will we ever be friends but I perhaps I was being naive when I thought we could put our past behind us and move forward. I handed you my APW world title not because I seek to undermine you but as a measure of good faith to extend an olive branch that would hopefully set forth a path for better days within the APW.
Though, as time moves on I am starting to realize that maybe it isn't me who's the problem. I am starting to think that this erratic behavior these critics say I am indulging in - is nothing more than a desperate attempt to make me think I am crazy! There is NOTHING wrong with me! I have not nor will I ever lose the desire to compete at highest levels of this sport with or without that title!
Gates, you may think that this is just one big elaborate scheme I thought up one day while all the fans are waiting for the big Terry Marvin signature swerve but I am sorry to disappoint. The truth is I am simply sick of the disrespect and I refuse to be the villain these scumbags try to make me out to be! Look around people! My own team has had nothing but ill things to say to me despite knowing that I am the only thing between them and victory. If I wasn't a consummate professional, I'd leave them to fend for themselves - as if, the way I treat my possessions has any bearing on whether or not they're fit to call it their own.
I may care very little about my enemies but I truly do care about my team even less.
Which makes me wonder; maybe I'm just playing on the wrong team.
I'm not the hero.
...
I'm not the villain.
...
Who am I?
One's Yard Sale
''Hi, I am AC Smith.''
The introduction fell flat as Level-One stood there behind his yard sale stand blinking at AC smith, while waiting for the punch line that never came.
''So, what can I do for you Mister? Do you see any of my accomplishments you like?''
AC smith glances over the various championship replicas and trophies before pulling out a title of his own.
''Actually sir, I was hoping that we could bargain some type of deal. I know this is a yard sale but how much could I charge you to take this fine piece of hardware off my shoulders?''
''Mr. Smith, I am afraid that much is not possible. See, I am trying to get RID of all this junk, not add more to my collection. Besides, that title of yours is hardly worth anything - it may be a fancy trash can lid but at the end of the day it's still a trash can lid.''
''Well, you know what they say, one man's trash is another man’s treasure!''
''Which is exactly why you should hold onto that, Mr. Smith. I know that you think turning in your little trinket will provide you with significant funds, along with your side business of running narcotics and hookers out of your squad car over there but the weekly maintenance for a holder of a title of this caliber takes a whole lot of work I am not sure you're quite ready to put in, AC.''
AC Smith shoves the Xtreme title into his rectum and hobbles off towards his squad car at the curb as the next person in line steps up.
''Uegh, Nick Watson. So, what brings YOU around APWville this time of year? Let me guess, trying to squeeze a few months of work in before you bail out on Rasslemania again?''
''Very funny, Level-One. I'll have you know it that MY DAD Pence Weatherlight has provided me with enough of his retirement funds to set up my very own kool aid stand right beside your little garage sale here.''
''Oh, how typical of you. Nick Watson always trying to up his ol' man’s nemesis! Well, have at it - at best, your more of a nuisance than a serious competitor.''
''What do you mean I am not a competitor!? I will sell more of my kool aid than you can sell off your little prized possessions.... HEY WAIT!?''
Nick Watson hobbles on past Level-One and picks up a replica of the true experts title.
''Dude, you were the true experts champion!? So not fair! You think it's too late to sign up for the annual extreme tournament so I can have one too!?''
''Who knows, I didn't even sign up this year.''
''Oh, you didn't? Forget that then! Pfft... We are, I mean... I am too good for that silly tournament anyways!''
Nick Watson slams down the true expert championship and hobbles back around the table to face off with Level-One.
''You may think your APWville's best entrepreneur but you’re out of your mind if you think I am not going to give you a run for your money! My kool aid will have everyone in this village clutching at their stomachs toppling over as they struggle to fathom my greatness!''
''Well, I guess that's what happens when your kool aid includes cyanide.''
''Mwahaha, you can only WISH I was as villainous as you! Now I am done mingling with the enemy, father wouldn't be happy with me if he knew I was!''
Nick Watson leans over and whispers in Level-One's ear.
''I noticed there's a lack of tag team championships in your collection, think you could use one more!?''
Level-One stares past Nick Watson whom hobbles away and promptly sets up his kool aid stand. By the curb, a hearse pulls up and two figures step out with each other holding hands.
''What are APW's two biggest tampon suckers doing out while the suns still out? Isn't that unhealthy for vamps?''
''Come on, stop being so mean to me! Lester, why can't we just be friends?''
''What the hell do you want Hades?''
Victor Hades wraps an arm lovingly around his companion Leon Roberts.
''We want to help you. We want to join you and work as a team against the forces of everything good. We heard you were holding a garage sale and we thought you could use some muscle in case anyone around here wanted to start trouble.''
''Is that so?'' Level-One asks, pointing right beside him. ''Well... Nick Watson over here has decided to open up his Kool-Aid stand in an attempt to draw business away from my yard sale, I don't think either of you would be opposed to taking care of him for me?''
''It would be my pleasure, Lester.''
Victor Hades and Leon Roberts fly over to Nick Watson by his Kool-Aid stand and approach him tactically from behind. Victor Hades dunks Nick Watson's face inside the punch bowl while Leon Roberts spanks Nick Watson like a red headed step child. The assault ends when Victor Hades breaks a glass bowl over Nick Watson's head killing him instantly.
YOU KILLED NICK WATSON, YOU BASTARD!
''Thanks for the help guys, let me make a call so we can remove his carcass from the premises.''
Victor Hades quickly objects with nervous laughter.
''Please, don't bother. Leave the cleanup to us. There are extensive tests we would like put Nick Watson through before he is buried, if you don't mind.''
''Sure, though let me ask you this. Why hasn't your buddy Leon Roberts said a word since he got here?''
''Leon? Heh... Last night he suffered a severe throat injury if you know what I mean. I must've slipped it down the wrong pipe.''
''Right, take care guys...''
Victor Hades and Leon Roberts drag Nick Watson’s dead body and then dumps it into the hearse before speeding off. Meanwhile, a sneaky opportunist looks to make his mark...
''Hey get your hands off of the merchandise you thief!''
Level-One forcefully removes the APW World Championship from Biggs possession, as Biggs cowers away.
''I am sorry, sir.''
''You tried to steal from me - if all our cops weren't corrupt like Mr. Smith around here, I'd have you arrested!''
''No, please! I am going to Level with you, no pun intended! Lester, you know I cannot afford enough talent for that title of yours and I was just resorting to the thing I did best, stealing. You know, like the time I robbed you out of a win at Test for the Best by cheating and then there was the time I stole your billion dollar briefcase...''
''And to think you were a changed man, Biggs. I am so very disappointed in you!''
He raises a fist and Biggs falls onto the floor, pathetic and subservient - something like a domesticated dog exposing it's underbelly to his owner.
''I am a changed man, I swear! Though, let's be honest. I am hardly awarded for my honest work around this village! Ever since I have tried to earn an ''honest'' living, life's only had gotten so much harder. It started with the ass kicking you gave me at Rasslemania IX and all the lost wages that came with it, then my failure to win Test for the Best and now I am in a squabble with the likes of Michael Jennings...''
''Speaking of Michael Jennings... when did he become a black man?''
''What? I am not a black man.''
''Yes, you are. You're a black man with black hands!''
''That's the name of my new stable, you idiot!''
''Oh, cool. So, who's in your new black man stable? Anthony Bailey? J.R Hopkins? William D. Williams? Hey, I heard James Chambers is at a barbeque down the street and is looking for work. Is Al Sharpton your Manager?''
Michael Jennings closes his black hand to create a black fist.
''Oh, how cute is this little yard sale of yours? To think you've resorted to selling off your title just because you'd hate to suffer the embarrassment of losing it to me... well, you're almost as cowardly as Biggs.''
The two look down at Biggs who's shaking in a pool of his own hot piss.
''Do you want to buy my APW world championship or not Jennings, you know there's no other way you're getting your hands on it.''
''Fine, I'll budge but only if we can come to a mutual agreement! I fucking deserve a discount for being a loyal non customer. Yeah, I like that sound of that. Not only do I want a discount but I want a discount of at least 50% and I want you to throw me in a LeWinter sister on the side....''
''You know Jennings; I think you're confused to as how this process works. You don't get to come in here and just make demands whenever you please.''
''What are you talking about!? This is a GREAT deal! You should be THANKFUL I am taking that belt off YOUR hands! You're going to take my money whether you like it or not you god damned bastard!''
''Or what, Jennings? If I don't take your generous offer what the hell are you going to do to me?''
''I'll run you straight out of APWville!''
''I'd like to see you try, Jennings! Either you pay full price or you can just move the fuck on. I don't think there's ever been a threat you've made and actually followed through on.''
A car pulls up by the curb as blaring hip hop music kicks from the stereo. Michael Jennings tosses Lester a five and buys one of his signed microphones which he shouts into heading towards his entourage.
''I'll get you Level-One and your little hamster too!''
As Michael Jennings departs a UFO floats over Level-One's yard sale and beams a bright laser down upon them, a large sucking sound is heard and Biggs is evacuated off the scene meanwhile CJ Gates hops out and floats down to earth like a little fairy.
''If it isn't CJ Gates! I really didn't think you had the gull to actually show up to my yard sale, old friend. I don't know what I have in stock that you'd possibly be interested in...''
''Cut the crap, Level. We both know why I am here today, I want another shot at your APW world championship.''
''I am afraid it is no longer possible! I beat you at Shockwave rendering you unable to compete for the title again for over four thousand years when my term as APW world champion is legally scheduled for it's end.''
''That maybe true but everyone in APWville knows you have the power to make this happen if you really wanted too.''
Level-One laughed.
''You're right, CJ. I am both the deal maker and the deal breaker - the problem is, I don't want to! You had your chance CJ Gates and you blew it. YOU BLEW IT!''
''... but Lester, if you were willing to give the title to me for free - why can't you grant me this one last match? I beg of you.''
''I refuse. Sure, I was once willing to give you the championship for free but you made me the laughing stock of APWville by refusing my generous offer! You thought you could beat me, you thought you were better than me and too good to simply take the title off my hands the only way I was willing to give it to you and now look at you - begging for me to give you another shot. NO!''
CJ Gates lowers his head once again acknowledging defeat.
''You're right, I messed up. Look, I am going to do whatever I can to raise the funds and buy that championship off your hands even if it means selling my body...''
''You already sold your soul CJ, your body is all that you have left.''
CJ Gates looks up at the UFO hovering over his head before it sucks him in. The UFO soars through the skies and disappears with a sparkle... that's when Level-One receives an all-important phone call.
''You have the money? Perfect...''
The scene ends with a newspaper floating onto the screen.
I know I should probably hate Alexander Duvall for this but in a weird way, I appreciate the unique challenge this tag team match up presents. I mean, throwing me on a team with the likes of Victor Hades, Michael Jennings and Leon Roberts against two former undisputed champions, a former Xtreme champion along with his predecessor; it's clear to see that which team on paper has the clear advantage.
Though, I hope Nick Watson takes full advantage of the stacked decked in his favor this week or the fact that he let his team down really isn't going to look great on his resume. Then again, it's Nick Watson we're talking about. His entire career has been consistently, inconsistent - when he isn't enjoying a long layoff he's usually losing matches besmirching his father's reputation. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't like his father much but at least he was able to cement his name on an unturned rock kept in a fancy pants museum somewhere...
Nobody is going to remember you, Nick. In fact, if you weren't a second generation Mega Star President Jeff wouldn't give you the time of day and you know it. With all your father has given you, you'd think you'd work a little bit harder to make your old man proud. I can't speak for him but if you were my child, I'd disown you as my own. Every real man's dream is to raise a child up into an adult that is greater than himself; he obviously hasn't done that with you - in a way, you've both failed each other.
The only saving grace is that for whatever reason you don't carry his last name out in public. Every time your name is at the bottom of a card it's behind the pseudonym of Watson rather than Weatherlight - it is the only saving grace and the only reason your father hasn't been laughed out of every credible social circle he still has a place in. You're a fucking scourge on his memory, as feeble as it is to me...
For his sake, I hope he doesn't have to live long enough to bury a son not worth the dirt in his life time.
And AC Smith... you just keep popping up like a pimple on my ass I can't seem to get rid of. I wish I can be as dismissive as you as I usually am but considering this is a different scenario, I need to watch my words wisely. See, it's quite possible that you're better than my entire team inside that ring. I don't know if I should applaud you or cry foul but let me just say, I do hope you make the most out of this opportunity.
I mean, we already seen the fruits of your labor when it comes to one on one action against me. The reality of the situation is this match isn't going to prove a damn thing. In fact, I have much more to gain than I actually have to lose. If we win? Then it means I lead a group of miscreant low life’s to victory. If I lose? It means you couldn't get one over on me without the aid of two former APW Undisputed Champions. Though, be thankful if you get one over one me at all...
Me? I wouldn't fight alongside you guys even if I had the choice. I have done everything in my power to make things harder on myself and each step of the way, I've only been shit on and criticized for it. Before I even acknowledge this match was a reality the likes of Michael Jennings was already trying to run my name through the dirt. Last week, Victor Hades wasn't singing my praise and yet I am being generous enough to show up to entertain this team of jackals - tasked with turning a bunch of glorified bench warmers into a winning team. See, that's the difference between from me and you AC...
I mean, your still clutching onto that lousy title of yours. Props for your loyalty and I will say that you have been the greatest Xtreme Champion in APW history but is that ALL you want for yourself? I have seen no real desire to elevate your game above and beyond what's expected of you, I've seen no genuine attempts to evolve nor am I led to believe you see yourself anywhere else than where you already are.
Congratulations, you've held that title for over a year. Are going to go for two? Three? Four? Or are you finally going to grow up, become a man and aim for something bigger with your life, AC? Usually, I'd encourage you to stay in your lane and out of my way but at this rate - I'll be beating CJ Gates every month for the next year if somebody, somewhere doesn't step up to the plate.
Please sit the fuck down, Michael Jennings. Nobody is talking to you.
I mean, I thought maybe we could put some weight behind Biggs mixing things up but then he caved in - the same result we got when he won his first APW Undisputed Championship. To be honest, it's hard not to take some credit for his failure at Test for the Best. Biggs, not only did I take you out of action for over a month but I broke you down physically, mentally and emotionally. By the end of it all there was not even the slightest question in anybody’s mind who the better man is, was and always will be and now you'll forever have to carry that burden.
On that night, I solved the puzzle of Biggs. It's done. You can hit the books, study the tapes and make your first point of contact square one as you've so elegantly stated but it will all be for naught because the only thing you'll be working towards with me is another loss.
I may have been humbled by Terry Marvin but you are not him, you are not even half of him. Our match came down to one call, where as if my match with you went any other way it would come down to a referee being fired, charged with conspiracy and a full out federation wide investigation to follow. If you want to enjoy the glory time had once had borrowed you, it'll have to be with me out of the picture and the with current landscape as I see it - that is simply not possible short of you returning to your roots and taking me out by any means necessary.
It is not my fault that you have allowed yourself to become a pacified pansy that’s only purpose around here is to work the smart marks up into a cold sweat with your so called technical wrestling. If you weren't so busy boring the fuck out of everyone within a 12 meter radius doing your best sand paper impression, you wouldn't have to deal with being drug into a match with Michael Jennings! As much as that loud mouth talks, the APW wouldn't even give him the time a day against me even if I begged for it because they know it'll end in a no contest and that's with me breaking no rules.
It makes me sick to know that all of us will have to endure your verbal ass kissing of CJ Gates, as you pander to him emotionally. The reality of the situation, you could care less about CJ Gates. Your partnership is nothing more than a sleazy marriage of convenience forged in the back of a seedy motel at three in the morning. At one time you were mutually using each other but now it's just a one way street to be used solely for your advantage; clearly, CJ Gates is the better man and I cannot recall a single time when he didn't come out the better man. If anything, you're at best a liability to him and his team.
Let's just be honest, I'd sooner burn this title into ashes than hand it off to the likes of you, Biggs.
However, a man is not to be judged by the company he keeps. After all, if that were the case; I'd be seen as beautiful just like the company I keep. CJ Gates, if you are an honest man then you will openly acknowledge this fraud of a match up. Though, you’re hardly an honest man at that. After what I have done for you, I'd hoped that you'd stand up and do the right thing and issue a statement against this atrocity but considering it benefits for you, I've anticipated your silence. If you had any backbone you would dismiss the APW and General Manger Alexander Duvall for stooping to such lows in order to put you and your ilk... how do you say, ''over?''
Though, I suppose you need to look good somehow. I thought I had done that when I had gave you the APW world championship but perhaps it simply wasn't good enough for Master Gates. Perhaps, my form on the hand off just wasn't correct. Is that it CJ? Is it my fault that when I handed off my title to you, I didn't do it with a little bow before hand? Or maybe it was because I forgot to polish the title first - how silly of me, handing off a dirty APW world championship!? Oh, CJ Gates... how horribly, I have wronged you! Time to cue up the dramatic music to get all those fans of you riled up and crying about the injustices I have once again bestowed upon you!
We may not nor will we ever be friends but I perhaps I was being naive when I thought we could put our past behind us and move forward. I handed you my APW world title not because I seek to undermine you but as a measure of good faith to extend an olive branch that would hopefully set forth a path for better days within the APW.
Though, as time moves on I am starting to realize that maybe it isn't me who's the problem. I am starting to think that this erratic behavior these critics say I am indulging in - is nothing more than a desperate attempt to make me think I am crazy! There is NOTHING wrong with me! I have not nor will I ever lose the desire to compete at highest levels of this sport with or without that title!
Gates, you may think that this is just one big elaborate scheme I thought up one day while all the fans are waiting for the big Terry Marvin signature swerve but I am sorry to disappoint. The truth is I am simply sick of the disrespect and I refuse to be the villain these scumbags try to make me out to be! Look around people! My own team has had nothing but ill things to say to me despite knowing that I am the only thing between them and victory. If I wasn't a consummate professional, I'd leave them to fend for themselves - as if, the way I treat my possessions has any bearing on whether or not they're fit to call it their own.
I may care very little about my enemies but I truly do care about my team even less.
Which makes me wonder; maybe I'm just playing on the wrong team.
I'm not the hero.
...
I'm not the villain.
...
Who am I?