Post by chaos lite on Aug 24, 2013 2:09:10 GMT -4
aug.21.thirteen11:09pm
She looked at me. With warm, thick blood staining her fingertips, and the proverbial fire behind her eyes, she gestured toward my shaking hands… she was acknowledging my hesitation. My fear. I didn’t want to look back at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lips curl into a grin, and I felt my heart plummet.
"And now it’s showtime.”
aug.14.thirteen11:09pm
I'm Cassandra McPherson.
And I don’t think my best friend realizes that she’s about a week and a half away from the most important night in her professional life.
”Talon’s family is the best... I don’t know why I go anywhere without him sometimes...”
I was speaking to Aubrey on the phone-- she was with Talon, in North Carolina, and I was holding down the fort, as they say, at Aubrey’s New York-based loft. I’d been summoned there to kitten-sit, but I never felt like I was alone. Ever since the events that transpired on Sunday, Aubrey made sure to send me a text, or call me, every hour on the hour. Sometimes it was to ask how “kitty” was doing... Sometimes it was a general ”hey, how’s the house?”... But no matter what, it always led to a conversation about Terry. It led to her fear that Terry wouldn’t forgive her. I could sense the panic in her voice. God, how humanizing.
”So the parents love you, hm?”
She laughed, delightedly.
”I’m pretty sure his mother adores me. I’ll have to work on dad... But I think we’re getting there.”
”Haha, well, that didn’t take long. Sounds like you’re in!”
”Yeah... Ha...”
There it was. There was the pause. And I knew what was coming next.
”Look--”
”Hey, you haven’t heard from Terry have you?”
I sighed. I tried to hide it, but it was virtually impossible. I think my frustration was obvious.
”No. Terry and Maggie haven’t tried saying anything to me. But don’t you think you should--?”
”Apologize? Yeah. And I’m gonna do that. I told Rose that I’d do an interview with her on Friday morning. I’m taking the red eye tomorrow night, and I’m gonna be in New York at 6 A.M. And I need you to pick me up, and we need to go straight to the studio.”
”Apologize? No, I was gonna say you... wait-- Rose? Rose Alwell? Aubrey, you fucking HATE Rose!”
”Oh, damnit, Cassandra, I know. But don’t you think this is a little bit bigger than that?!”
”You swung at him with a belt. Twice. You just sat there and watched Tyler hit him with a baseball bat-- and then you hit Terry again after that. At the risk of sounding like this concerns me in the slightest, I have to go ahead and suggest that you stop trying to apologize. You made a mistake, and you need to accept it. You’re going to drive yourself crazy with this shit.”
”I didn’t mean to do it...”
”Bullshit, Aubrey.”
There was a brief pause. Understably so, I guess.
”Excuse me?”
”There’s no way.”
”What the fuck, Cass? You’re supposed to be my friend--”
”I am. I’m your best friend, and I know you, and I know that you meant to hurt Terry. I know how much that title means to you... And right now, maybe you should be spending your time with Talon, or by yourself if it helps. This is your downtime. The time you do dedicate to preparing for this match shouldn’t be spent bullshitting everybody. You made your bed. Lie in it.”
She didn’t say anything for a while. I was mildly afraid that she’d hung up, and I pulled my phone away from my face to see if the conversation had ended, but the timer was still counting. I placed it back to my ear, and spoke softly.
”When Terry wants to talk about this, he’ll come to you. But right now? He just wants to fight you. I would tell you to get in that same mindset, but I know that you already are. I know how long you have been...”
She gave a single, dry laugh on the other end and spoke clearly after a moment.
”You know a lot, huh?”
It was eerie. The tone was one that I hadn’t heard from Aubrey in years, if I ever had. The voice almost sounded like it didn’t belong to her.
”Look-- you’re right. Ha, I’m probably taking things a little too far. Terry just wants to wrestle, and I wanna wrestle...”
”That’s right. It’s just... a match... this one’s just a lot more important. Don’t jeopardize anymore than you already have.”
There was another brief pause, and then she responded in an easy, mellow tone.
”Love you, Cass. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
”Yeah... love you. Tell Talon I said hey... And enjoy yourself, alright? Don’t worry about what’s in Terry’s head, okay?”
”Yeah. You’re right.”
I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t get a chance to state as much... There was a click, and just like that, her voice was gone… Ugh, how unsatisfying.
unspecified.unspecified
”How do I hate you?”
aug.16.thirteen5:55am
I guess God thought it would be funny to make it abnormally chilly for an August morning on that particular Friday. I didn’t think to bring a jacket, so I was just sitting (comfortably) in the seat of Aubrey’s 2012 Rolls-Royce Phantom. Perhaps it was a little too advanced for me… Getting the seat-warmers to function was my main issue for the past few minutes.
Tap, tap, tap, tap!
And like clockwork, she arrived.
I turned to my left, greeting Aubrey with a smile… it was more out of habit than a result of any true emotion. In that moment, I must stress one thing; there was something endearing about the Aubrey that I was seeing here. She wasn’t carrying with her that air of superiority, and she wasn’t wearing the expected scowl or grimace on her face… Her eyes were bright, as was her grin. A single bag was slung over her shoulder, and for a moment, as I sat there, staring back at my friend, I must’ve forgotten where I was. Freeing me from her trance, Aubrey rolled her eyes and tapped on the window again. That prompted me to reach for the automatic look, pushing my finger down on the switch. As soon as the lock popped up, Aubrey threw the door open. Swinging her bag into the back, Aubrey dropped down in the passenger seat and reached over, immediately taking my hand in hers. They were cold… I remember, they were abnormally cold.
”I’ve missed your face, bitch.”
”I knooow. How could you not? Haha… how was Talon’s place?”
”Uh! Amazing. His mother is absolutely adorable… I love his neighborhood… His house… His friends…”
I noticed a slight deviation in her tone. I should’ve picked up on it immediately, but I didn’t. I recognized it, but I didn’t allow it to become anything more than that-- a mild recognition. I wanted to give her the benefit of a doubt. I shouldn’t have.
”Have you heard from Terry?”
I sighed. It had only been hours since the last time she asked. Who am I kidding? I counted-- it had been seven hours and roughly forty minutes since she’d last asked.
”No… No, I don’t think he’s going to call.”
”I mean, do you think he like-- hates me?”
”He’s mature. I think he’s just waiting until after Shockwave before he lets his guard down. You know Terry…”
”But what if he doesn’t?”
”It’ll be fine.”
”But--”
”He’s just being cautious.”
I adjusted my mirrors and anxiously checked my surroundings-- eager to get out of the area. I turned, glancing toward the side mirror on the passenger’s side of the car… but my eyes gravitated toward Aubrey’s. They were still wide. Her smile was still faint, but frozen. Held in place.
”Do you think Maggie’s whispering shit in his ear? Do you think she’s telling him, like, not to trust me?”
It caught me a little bit off guard, I think. I had expected Aubrey to dig for every excuse to distrust Terry… every excuse to hate him, especially under the circumstances, but I almost laughed at the absurdity of her claims.
”Are you serious? You’ve known Maggie since before you even stumbled into a wrestling ring. She’s Terry’s fianceé… one of your best friends, not some kind of--”
”I’d fucking kill her if she was.”
I stopped and bit my lip, slowly turning away from Aubrey and shaking my head. I felt the color draining from my cheeks by the second.
”Well… that’s gonna lose us some support.”
She ignored my take on a mood-lightening statement and leaned close to me. Her face was no longer absent of worry and darkness… The endearing, bright, beautiful Aubrey J. Parker I’d seen a few moments ago was no more. In her place was the sinister entity I’d been forced to deal with sporadically for months. There was no light behind her eyes… Just a hollow, unrecognizable glare.
”Does it make me a bitch… does it make me a bitch if the most important thing in my life is the Undisputed Title?”
”That’s the most important thing?”
”I think it is. Yes.”
She didn’t blink.
”More important than Logan?”
”Yes.”
Didn’t flinch.
”More important than me?”
She smiled.
”Maybe at times. Yeah.”
That might’ve hurt, if I recognized the person sitting in the passenger seat. As it turns out, I didn’t. Not these days.
”How about Talon?”
It earned a very direct, and very focused look from Aubrey. Any traces of a smirk or smile had disappeared.
”Is the Undisputed Championship more important than Talon?”
Seconds passed, and she just stared. By that point, her answer wouldn’t have mattered-- she’d taken too long to respond. Before she uttered a word, I had time to put the car in reverse, maneuver us out of the crowded parking space, and then throw it into drive again. To be honest, I don’t remember what she said. It was something irrelevant and frustrating-- but that wasn’t the problem.
That came later.
aug.16.thirteen6:22am
We never made it to that interview with Rose.
”PULL THE FUCK OVER!”
Aubrey was panicking, and in turn, I was panicking. We were driving down the highway at 80 miles per hour, and I’m not sure where I was headed at this point. My instinct was to go right for Dr. Nemo’s house. He would understand… He would see us immediately, and in theory, he’d be able to calm Aubrey down, but--
”I’ll jump out of this car, Cassandra, I swear to God. Pull over!”
--Nemo was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Aubrey claimed that the man was after her, so what the hell was I supposed to do? Instinctively, I was driving toward the hospital. I shuddered at the thought of taking her home where there were knives, and stoves, and pills, and--
Pills.
”Have you been taking your meds, Aubs?”
”PULL OVER THE GODDAMNED CAR!”
With a click, her seat-belt came off. I looked over, my eyes widening as I saw her reaching for the handle. I deliberately tapped on the brakes, signaling to her that she’d won; I was pulling over.
And with a slight shudder from the Phantom, we were safely on the shoulder of the highway, and Aubrey threw the passenger door open, stepping out onto the asphalt. She leaned against the guard-rail, and she screamed, and screamed, and screamed...
Her screams were drowned out by the roar of the engine of a freight carrier behind us, which I was silently grateful for. Hard, shallow breaths escaped her lungs, and in my effort to avoid the deathly-quick traffic to my right, I climbed over the center console and out of the passenger side of the car, rising to my feet to look at my friend. Her cheeks were covered in tears. Her face was red. She was shaking… maybe from rage. Perhaps shock.
I guess I should explain.
Aubrey and I had been driving for less than five minutes before I realized that we needed to get gas… So I pulled into the nearest service station, and in an act of stupidity, I left my cell phone sitting on the driver’s seat. And if it were anybody else, I would call them nosy. I would call them intrusive, and rude… but you have to understand things from Aubrey’s point of view.
She knows we talk about her.
She’s well aware-- but it’s necessary. She had problems, so we kept tabs on her. We discussed her. We did it all for Aubrey, but I understand that sitting alone in silence, with the sun barely crawling out from behind the clouds in the distance, leaving herself in just enough darkness to remain unseen, it had to be tempting. It had to be unbearable. All the information she wanted-- or didn’t want-- was sitting right there. And she got it. She kept it bottled up until we pulled out onto the highway, and then she lost it. The tears started flowing. The lips trembled. The cursing, and the wishing started...
”Aub--”
”No!”
”You can’t do this here--”
”You CALLED Maggie? You-- you talked to them and you didn’t say shit to me about it?”
”I…”
I sighed and looked up toward her, offering my best attempt at a sympathetic smile.
”We thought it would be best if we didn’t distract the two of you… and besides, you don’t want to talk to Terry when you’re like this. When… when did everything become hinged on Terry anyway? When did he become your whole world?”
Yet, funny enough, I think Aubrey had answered that question preemptively a half hour earlier. She rendered the question rhetorical the moment she told me that the Undisputed Title was her everything…
”This isn’t even about him, is it?”
She turned to face me again, taking her hands off of the guardrail. Another truck passed along the highway, honking loudly as it did, but neither of us broke our gaze. Aubrey didn’t answer my question… Not immediately. She angled her head, ever so slightly.
”What did she say to you?”
”It’s not important. Let’s get back in the car. Please.”
”You’re hiding things from me! You’re supposed to BE there for me, Cass!”
”Aubrey, I can. We can talk about it in the car.”
”I’m not getting in that fucking car with you.”
This bitch.
”Get in the car.”
”No.”
”Well-- what the hell are you gonna do? Stand here on the side of the highway? Jesus… Someone’s gonna recognize you and try to run you over or something. Ha. Can’t have that! Get in the car.”
I felt like I was arguing with a child. She looked away from me, and cast a glance into traffic. Cars were speeding by, and for a fraction of a second, God forbid, I thought she was going to shove me aside and just run out there. I thought I had given her some sort of sick idea.
My heart was pounding faster, and faster. She was taking steps away from the guardrail and her alert, focused eyes were drifting calmly between me and the potential onslaught of traffic. The soles of her shoes scraped against the asphalt as she drifted nearer to the edge of the shoulder. I looked at her, and I felt every muscle in my body tense. I was ready to react if I had to…
But that moment never came. She turned from the traffic and made her way back to the passenger seat of the car. Her eyes never met mine again. She didn’t say a word.
In silence, we drove home. I was afraid to take her anywhere else.
I’m going to do something about this. I’m going to fix this before Shockwave.
jun.28.thirteen8:00pm
”Who’d be on top if Terry Marvin was dead?”
I looked at her, from my APW magazine. She was sweating. Her hands were shaking; she had a look in her eye that I’d never had to respond to. I don’t know what had just gone through my best friend’s head, but I smirked.
”Who knows? Why don’t you go shoot him or something, and find out.”
I scoffed, to let her know I was joking. But I humored her. I turned to her, arching an eyebrow and answering her question, loudly and clearly.
”You’d be.”
unspecified.unspecified
”I did a bad, bad thing.
I did too much thinking last weekend. Dwelling, maybe. Ha, imagining.
I… imagined life without you when we were out there, signing the contract. I imagined where I would be if Terry Marvin ceased to exist in Action Packed Wrestling. We were fighting and-- and I knew what was going to happen. I knew it was going to come to this and I KNEW you-- you would fucking push me to that point, and you DID, and I feel so… horrible about the whole thing.
I’ve tried to call you. I’ve tried to reach out, but you just harbor this ill will and I know that I’ve broken your trust. I know that I’ve lost your respect. And-- and I know you might’ve been a little angry with me after what happened last Sunday, but that’s okay, because these are the things that we, as normal, functioning members of society have to experience on a regular basis, right? Sometimes, we make the wrong decisions. Sometimes we hurt the people that mean the most to us, and that’s what I did, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to!
Do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to be considered a LACKEY of the greatest Undisputed Champion of all time? Do you know what’s EXPECTED of me at Shockwave? Terry, I can’t just beat you for that championship. I have to completely dominate you. I have to prove to EVERYBODY that without any doubt-- without any inkling of it-- I am a better wrestler than you are.
And that was running through my head when we had that contract signing. The entire time, I knew what I had to do. I told myself in my head that there was no way you were just going to walk out of that arena, but you are worth every fucking cent they pay you, aren’t you? I heard your skull thud against those steps when I hit you with the Makeunder, and no matter how horrible it made me feel on the inside, I was just SURE that you weren’t gonna get back up. But you’re the warrior that I thought you were… I caught a glimpse of the Terry Marvin that I wanna face at Shockwave-- the guy that’s smart enough to hold onto the premier championship in the company for three hundred and sixty-two days, but dumb enough to lose sight of career longevity. Proud enough to never know when to say die...
The way I went about doing things was bad and that’s no way to honor the man that’s dedicated the past three months of his professional career supporting me. I owe you a lot, but what I don’t owe you is friendly wrestling match.
No… instead, what we’re going to have out there is gonna be a very personal struggle because I don’t think you take this match as seriously as you claim you do. You don’t TREAT ME the way you’ve treated people like CJ Gates and Keaton Saint, or even Phil Atken, and why? I told you, the moment we formed the New Sindicate, that if you didn’t stick a knife in my back, I was gonna stick one in yours, and I HAD to stick to my word, Terry! I had to show that I was capable of doing that, at least-- and yet, you don’t treat me like I pose the same threat they did.
No mind games. No tricks. No plotting. Nothing.
Why?!
What makes ME so unworthy of the illustrious battle with Terry Marvin that I fucking EARNED at Test for the Best?! Why don’t I get to go into Shockwave feeling like I need to maim Terry Marvin for what he’s done to me?
...No, no, it’s fine, I get it. The general consensus is, since you beat the almighty fucking Lester that there’s no way that somebody like me, with so much on the line could overcome the pressure and knock the king off his throne-- but let’s get something crystal clear right now; I’m better than Level One, and if you think for a fucking second that I won’t bring your career to a screeching halt in the ring on August 25th then you’ve wandered into this match as a blind man. I’m going to hurt you at Shockwave, and I hope you can forgive me for what I do to you. It’s my RESPONSIBILITY to leave you a broken, twitching, mangled heap on the mat on Sunday night and-- I may not look like I have the power to do that, Terry, but I do. I promise you, baby, I do.
I’m a very powerful person.
And since you’re so obsessed with pleasing the masses and maintaining this image of a hero, I’ll do you a solid, as a thank-you for what you’ve done for me this summer, and I’ll play your villain. I’ll BE your powerful, powerful bad guy, and the world can rise to their feet and they could cheer you on, hoping that once again they can see Terry Marvin standing at the top of the mountain, looking down on those around him. That’s the storybook ending that we’ve come to expect.
That’s not the story we’re telling in Detroit.
In Detroit, after three hundred and sixty-two days, I’m finally going to end the greatest championship reign in the history of this sport. It’s over. I WANT the Undisputed Championship, and there’s not a soul that could stop me. But you’re not just gonna roll over and fucking die. You’re going to make me come get that title off your waist. You might make me take things farther than I ever wanted this to go.
…
We might not be okay after this.
You’d do anything in the world to keep that Undisputed Title and I’d do anything to take it away from you. And keep it away. This TITLE might rip our friendship apart entirely! And-- and I think you’d just let something like that happen!
And I understand it now.
It’s all I see. It’s all I think about, haha. It’s the only thing that drags me out of bed in the morning. Every FUCKING day, I wake up, and I think about just taking a knife and carving my own fucking throat out, because I feel like I can’t be happy, ha. I’m living the life I’ve always wanted to live, but still, I’m so unhappy, and-- and I feel that there’s this blank space inside of me and I KNOW what it is now… I know that it’s a void… and I can only fill it with a material object.
For you, I might’ve made things about more than that, but for me, that belt is what it all comes back to. I want it. I want it so bad, Terry, you have no idea. You’ve made it become something so intangible and so alluring-- and I guess that’s why somewhere down the road, this became all about you. It became about proving myself to you and proving that I can hang with you. You’re the pinnacle of the industry, but… but Terry, I’m bigger than wrestling.
I am wrestling. I am every bad call… every cheap shot… every theft… every conspiracy. I’m the worst thing that could possibly happen to you on Sunday night, and baby, I’m so much more than that.
...Ya know, if there’s a life after August 25th without the Undisputed Championship, then I don’t want to wake up on Monday morning. I’ve thought about what I’d do if I lost this match. I thought about what I would say to those people in the seats, and behind those cameras, and everybody in the back on Meltdown… I thought about every reason that I could come up with. I thought about what it’d feel like moving to the back of the line after everything that’s happened over these past few months and I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t bear the thought of sitting back and watching people that I know I’m BETTER THAN taking what rightfully belongs to ME. I thought about being the first person in years to win Test for the Best and then fail to secure the championship. And-- and the more I thought about failing this Sunday, the angrier I got, because I already saw you promising people like Anthony Bailey title matches. I saw you treating me like an AFTERTHOUGHT.
What do I have to do? What do I have to do to get you to understand that I was the real threat all along?
...What do I have to do to hate you? Hahahaha.
I have to do bad things. You understand? I have to be the vile one, because that’s what you want me to be. I have to be the person that’s willing to make sacrifices to get to the top, because that’s not who you are anymore. You’re more interested in fighting the monsters you’ve helped create, and I owe it to you to be just as cunning, just as vicious as you taught me to be, Terry. I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t come at you with the most ruthless mentality.
If I didn’t try to hurt you, then I wouldn’t be doing my job as a friend.
At Shockwave, from a friend to a friend, I beg you; show up ready to fight for your fucking life, because I’m coming after you for everything. I’m not leaving with anything less. I’m taking your gold, and I’m taking away the very thing that solidified your position at the top of this business. I’m going to wear it proudly, and I’m going to tell every opponent that steps before me of the bloody battle I had with Terry Marvin. I’m going to tell them that they don’t compare-- because I’ve already defeated the second-best wrestler in the world.
And then I’m going to give them the show of a lifetime anyway, because that’s what a champion does. I’m going to be better than you ever were, Terry. I don’t even have to hate you.
I’m going to be the best.
I’m going to be everything you couldn’t be.
I’m going to be Aubrey J. Parker.”
aug.21.thirteen11:08pm
If you’d heard what she said to me a moment ago, you’d understand why I’d turned my ears off to Aubrey J. Parker for a moment. You’d understand why my thumb was hovering over the name “Dr. Nemo” in my phone.
But if you saw my best friend right now, you’d understand why I was frozen in a mixture of shock and fear, watching her as she stood in front of the mirror of her bathroom. Blood was trickling from her nose, and I didn’t dare question why. To be honest, there were a variety of reasons, and for the sake of the integrity of her character, I won’t share my suspicions with you.
She looked up toward me in the reflection of the mirror, holding the back of her hand to her nose. She grinned at me. It was a pitiful, tear-filled grin, followed by gentle laughter.
”He’s doing it on purpose.”
Terry. I knew who she meant. But I shook my head at her, eyes still wide.
”Remember what I asked you before Test for the Best?”
I did. But I shook my head again, and stepped into the bathroom. I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if she needed to be consoled or restrained.
”I asked what it’d be like if he was gone.”
”I know.”
”I wanna fucking kill him.”
She said it in a gentle tone, barely above a whisper. She was still laughing… Still giving me that pathetic, pitiful smile, hardly fitting of a world-class champion.
”Well, you’re gonna have to wait until Sunday. Here…”
I reached for a cotton ball, turning on the faucet. Again, like I was raising a child, I reached for her hands, prepared to place them under the cool running water.
”Help me.”
”Stop saying shit like that.”
”I’ve thought about it.”
”Oh, lovely. So you thought about getting locked away.”
”I thought about ending everything.”
”Aubrey--”
”Starting fresh.”
”That’s not what would happen!”
”No more stress.”
”That’s insane.”
”Just help me.”
”Aubrey, please!”
”Just help.”
I was flustered. I was frustrated. I feel like I was on the verge of tears and I had no fucking idea why. I just nodded, fighting them back, and clenched my jaw.
”Okay! Okay. I’ll help you.”
It was bullshit. She probably knew it was bullshit… But maybe she just didn’t care. Maybe seeing my reaction was satisfactory enough. Looking up from the floor, I caught her gaze. She looked at me. With warm, thick blood staining her fingertips, and the proverbial fire behind her eyes, she gestured toward my shaking hands… she was acknowledging my hesitation. My fear. I didn’t want to look back at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lips curl into a grin, and I felt my heart plummet.
fin.
She looked at me. With warm, thick blood staining her fingertips, and the proverbial fire behind her eyes, she gestured toward my shaking hands… she was acknowledging my hesitation. My fear. I didn’t want to look back at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lips curl into a grin, and I felt my heart plummet.
"And now it’s showtime.”
leave your cares behind… come with us and find
the pleasures of a journey to the center of the mind
the pleasures of a journey to the center of the mind
aug.14.thirteen11:09pm
I'm Cassandra McPherson.
And I don’t think my best friend realizes that she’s about a week and a half away from the most important night in her professional life.
”Talon’s family is the best... I don’t know why I go anywhere without him sometimes...”
I was speaking to Aubrey on the phone-- she was with Talon, in North Carolina, and I was holding down the fort, as they say, at Aubrey’s New York-based loft. I’d been summoned there to kitten-sit, but I never felt like I was alone. Ever since the events that transpired on Sunday, Aubrey made sure to send me a text, or call me, every hour on the hour. Sometimes it was to ask how “kitty” was doing... Sometimes it was a general ”hey, how’s the house?”... But no matter what, it always led to a conversation about Terry. It led to her fear that Terry wouldn’t forgive her. I could sense the panic in her voice. God, how humanizing.
”So the parents love you, hm?”
She laughed, delightedly.
”I’m pretty sure his mother adores me. I’ll have to work on dad... But I think we’re getting there.”
”Haha, well, that didn’t take long. Sounds like you’re in!”
”Yeah... Ha...”
There it was. There was the pause. And I knew what was coming next.
”Look--”
”Hey, you haven’t heard from Terry have you?”
I sighed. I tried to hide it, but it was virtually impossible. I think my frustration was obvious.
”No. Terry and Maggie haven’t tried saying anything to me. But don’t you think you should--?”
”Apologize? Yeah. And I’m gonna do that. I told Rose that I’d do an interview with her on Friday morning. I’m taking the red eye tomorrow night, and I’m gonna be in New York at 6 A.M. And I need you to pick me up, and we need to go straight to the studio.”
”Apologize? No, I was gonna say you... wait-- Rose? Rose Alwell? Aubrey, you fucking HATE Rose!”
”Oh, damnit, Cassandra, I know. But don’t you think this is a little bit bigger than that?!”
”You swung at him with a belt. Twice. You just sat there and watched Tyler hit him with a baseball bat-- and then you hit Terry again after that. At the risk of sounding like this concerns me in the slightest, I have to go ahead and suggest that you stop trying to apologize. You made a mistake, and you need to accept it. You’re going to drive yourself crazy with this shit.”
”I didn’t mean to do it...”
”Bullshit, Aubrey.”
There was a brief pause. Understably so, I guess.
”Excuse me?”
”There’s no way.”
”What the fuck, Cass? You’re supposed to be my friend--”
”I am. I’m your best friend, and I know you, and I know that you meant to hurt Terry. I know how much that title means to you... And right now, maybe you should be spending your time with Talon, or by yourself if it helps. This is your downtime. The time you do dedicate to preparing for this match shouldn’t be spent bullshitting everybody. You made your bed. Lie in it.”
She didn’t say anything for a while. I was mildly afraid that she’d hung up, and I pulled my phone away from my face to see if the conversation had ended, but the timer was still counting. I placed it back to my ear, and spoke softly.
”When Terry wants to talk about this, he’ll come to you. But right now? He just wants to fight you. I would tell you to get in that same mindset, but I know that you already are. I know how long you have been...”
She gave a single, dry laugh on the other end and spoke clearly after a moment.
”You know a lot, huh?”
It was eerie. The tone was one that I hadn’t heard from Aubrey in years, if I ever had. The voice almost sounded like it didn’t belong to her.
”Look-- you’re right. Ha, I’m probably taking things a little too far. Terry just wants to wrestle, and I wanna wrestle...”
”That’s right. It’s just... a match... this one’s just a lot more important. Don’t jeopardize anymore than you already have.”
There was another brief pause, and then she responded in an easy, mellow tone.
”Love you, Cass. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
”Yeah... love you. Tell Talon I said hey... And enjoy yourself, alright? Don’t worry about what’s in Terry’s head, okay?”
”Yeah. You’re right.”
I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t get a chance to state as much... There was a click, and just like that, her voice was gone… Ugh, how unsatisfying.
unspecified.unspecified
”How do I hate you?”
aug.16.thirteen5:55am
I guess God thought it would be funny to make it abnormally chilly for an August morning on that particular Friday. I didn’t think to bring a jacket, so I was just sitting (comfortably) in the seat of Aubrey’s 2012 Rolls-Royce Phantom. Perhaps it was a little too advanced for me… Getting the seat-warmers to function was my main issue for the past few minutes.
Tap, tap, tap, tap!
And like clockwork, she arrived.
I turned to my left, greeting Aubrey with a smile… it was more out of habit than a result of any true emotion. In that moment, I must stress one thing; there was something endearing about the Aubrey that I was seeing here. She wasn’t carrying with her that air of superiority, and she wasn’t wearing the expected scowl or grimace on her face… Her eyes were bright, as was her grin. A single bag was slung over her shoulder, and for a moment, as I sat there, staring back at my friend, I must’ve forgotten where I was. Freeing me from her trance, Aubrey rolled her eyes and tapped on the window again. That prompted me to reach for the automatic look, pushing my finger down on the switch. As soon as the lock popped up, Aubrey threw the door open. Swinging her bag into the back, Aubrey dropped down in the passenger seat and reached over, immediately taking my hand in hers. They were cold… I remember, they were abnormally cold.
”I’ve missed your face, bitch.”
”I knooow. How could you not? Haha… how was Talon’s place?”
”Uh! Amazing. His mother is absolutely adorable… I love his neighborhood… His house… His friends…”
I noticed a slight deviation in her tone. I should’ve picked up on it immediately, but I didn’t. I recognized it, but I didn’t allow it to become anything more than that-- a mild recognition. I wanted to give her the benefit of a doubt. I shouldn’t have.
”Have you heard from Terry?”
I sighed. It had only been hours since the last time she asked. Who am I kidding? I counted-- it had been seven hours and roughly forty minutes since she’d last asked.
”No… No, I don’t think he’s going to call.”
”I mean, do you think he like-- hates me?”
”He’s mature. I think he’s just waiting until after Shockwave before he lets his guard down. You know Terry…”
”But what if he doesn’t?”
”It’ll be fine.”
”But--”
”He’s just being cautious.”
I adjusted my mirrors and anxiously checked my surroundings-- eager to get out of the area. I turned, glancing toward the side mirror on the passenger’s side of the car… but my eyes gravitated toward Aubrey’s. They were still wide. Her smile was still faint, but frozen. Held in place.
”Do you think Maggie’s whispering shit in his ear? Do you think she’s telling him, like, not to trust me?”
It caught me a little bit off guard, I think. I had expected Aubrey to dig for every excuse to distrust Terry… every excuse to hate him, especially under the circumstances, but I almost laughed at the absurdity of her claims.
”Are you serious? You’ve known Maggie since before you even stumbled into a wrestling ring. She’s Terry’s fianceé… one of your best friends, not some kind of--”
”I’d fucking kill her if she was.”
I stopped and bit my lip, slowly turning away from Aubrey and shaking my head. I felt the color draining from my cheeks by the second.
”Well… that’s gonna lose us some support.”
She ignored my take on a mood-lightening statement and leaned close to me. Her face was no longer absent of worry and darkness… The endearing, bright, beautiful Aubrey J. Parker I’d seen a few moments ago was no more. In her place was the sinister entity I’d been forced to deal with sporadically for months. There was no light behind her eyes… Just a hollow, unrecognizable glare.
”Does it make me a bitch… does it make me a bitch if the most important thing in my life is the Undisputed Title?”
”That’s the most important thing?”
”I think it is. Yes.”
She didn’t blink.
”More important than Logan?”
”Yes.”
Didn’t flinch.
”More important than me?”
She smiled.
”Maybe at times. Yeah.”
That might’ve hurt, if I recognized the person sitting in the passenger seat. As it turns out, I didn’t. Not these days.
”How about Talon?”
It earned a very direct, and very focused look from Aubrey. Any traces of a smirk or smile had disappeared.
”Is the Undisputed Championship more important than Talon?”
Seconds passed, and she just stared. By that point, her answer wouldn’t have mattered-- she’d taken too long to respond. Before she uttered a word, I had time to put the car in reverse, maneuver us out of the crowded parking space, and then throw it into drive again. To be honest, I don’t remember what she said. It was something irrelevant and frustrating-- but that wasn’t the problem.
That came later.
aug.16.thirteen6:22am
We never made it to that interview with Rose.
”PULL THE FUCK OVER!”
Aubrey was panicking, and in turn, I was panicking. We were driving down the highway at 80 miles per hour, and I’m not sure where I was headed at this point. My instinct was to go right for Dr. Nemo’s house. He would understand… He would see us immediately, and in theory, he’d be able to calm Aubrey down, but--
”I’ll jump out of this car, Cassandra, I swear to God. Pull over!”
--Nemo was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Aubrey claimed that the man was after her, so what the hell was I supposed to do? Instinctively, I was driving toward the hospital. I shuddered at the thought of taking her home where there were knives, and stoves, and pills, and--
Pills.
”Have you been taking your meds, Aubs?”
”PULL OVER THE GODDAMNED CAR!”
With a click, her seat-belt came off. I looked over, my eyes widening as I saw her reaching for the handle. I deliberately tapped on the brakes, signaling to her that she’d won; I was pulling over.
And with a slight shudder from the Phantom, we were safely on the shoulder of the highway, and Aubrey threw the passenger door open, stepping out onto the asphalt. She leaned against the guard-rail, and she screamed, and screamed, and screamed...
Her screams were drowned out by the roar of the engine of a freight carrier behind us, which I was silently grateful for. Hard, shallow breaths escaped her lungs, and in my effort to avoid the deathly-quick traffic to my right, I climbed over the center console and out of the passenger side of the car, rising to my feet to look at my friend. Her cheeks were covered in tears. Her face was red. She was shaking… maybe from rage. Perhaps shock.
I guess I should explain.
Aubrey and I had been driving for less than five minutes before I realized that we needed to get gas… So I pulled into the nearest service station, and in an act of stupidity, I left my cell phone sitting on the driver’s seat. And if it were anybody else, I would call them nosy. I would call them intrusive, and rude… but you have to understand things from Aubrey’s point of view.
She knows we talk about her.
She’s well aware-- but it’s necessary. She had problems, so we kept tabs on her. We discussed her. We did it all for Aubrey, but I understand that sitting alone in silence, with the sun barely crawling out from behind the clouds in the distance, leaving herself in just enough darkness to remain unseen, it had to be tempting. It had to be unbearable. All the information she wanted-- or didn’t want-- was sitting right there. And she got it. She kept it bottled up until we pulled out onto the highway, and then she lost it. The tears started flowing. The lips trembled. The cursing, and the wishing started...
”Aub--”
”No!”
”You can’t do this here--”
”You CALLED Maggie? You-- you talked to them and you didn’t say shit to me about it?”
”I…”
I sighed and looked up toward her, offering my best attempt at a sympathetic smile.
”We thought it would be best if we didn’t distract the two of you… and besides, you don’t want to talk to Terry when you’re like this. When… when did everything become hinged on Terry anyway? When did he become your whole world?”
Yet, funny enough, I think Aubrey had answered that question preemptively a half hour earlier. She rendered the question rhetorical the moment she told me that the Undisputed Title was her everything…
”This isn’t even about him, is it?”
She turned to face me again, taking her hands off of the guardrail. Another truck passed along the highway, honking loudly as it did, but neither of us broke our gaze. Aubrey didn’t answer my question… Not immediately. She angled her head, ever so slightly.
”What did she say to you?”
”It’s not important. Let’s get back in the car. Please.”
”You’re hiding things from me! You’re supposed to BE there for me, Cass!”
”Aubrey, I can. We can talk about it in the car.”
”I’m not getting in that fucking car with you.”
This bitch.
”Get in the car.”
”No.”
”Well-- what the hell are you gonna do? Stand here on the side of the highway? Jesus… Someone’s gonna recognize you and try to run you over or something. Ha. Can’t have that! Get in the car.”
I felt like I was arguing with a child. She looked away from me, and cast a glance into traffic. Cars were speeding by, and for a fraction of a second, God forbid, I thought she was going to shove me aside and just run out there. I thought I had given her some sort of sick idea.
My heart was pounding faster, and faster. She was taking steps away from the guardrail and her alert, focused eyes were drifting calmly between me and the potential onslaught of traffic. The soles of her shoes scraped against the asphalt as she drifted nearer to the edge of the shoulder. I looked at her, and I felt every muscle in my body tense. I was ready to react if I had to…
But that moment never came. She turned from the traffic and made her way back to the passenger seat of the car. Her eyes never met mine again. She didn’t say a word.
In silence, we drove home. I was afraid to take her anywhere else.
I’m going to do something about this. I’m going to fix this before Shockwave.
jun.28.thirteen8:00pm
”Who’d be on top if Terry Marvin was dead?”
I looked at her, from my APW magazine. She was sweating. Her hands were shaking; she had a look in her eye that I’d never had to respond to. I don’t know what had just gone through my best friend’s head, but I smirked.
”Who knows? Why don’t you go shoot him or something, and find out.”
I scoffed, to let her know I was joking. But I humored her. I turned to her, arching an eyebrow and answering her question, loudly and clearly.
”You’d be.”
you might not come back
unspecified.unspecified
”I did a bad, bad thing.
I did too much thinking last weekend. Dwelling, maybe. Ha, imagining.
I… imagined life without you when we were out there, signing the contract. I imagined where I would be if Terry Marvin ceased to exist in Action Packed Wrestling. We were fighting and-- and I knew what was going to happen. I knew it was going to come to this and I KNEW you-- you would fucking push me to that point, and you DID, and I feel so… horrible about the whole thing.
I’ve tried to call you. I’ve tried to reach out, but you just harbor this ill will and I know that I’ve broken your trust. I know that I’ve lost your respect. And-- and I know you might’ve been a little angry with me after what happened last Sunday, but that’s okay, because these are the things that we, as normal, functioning members of society have to experience on a regular basis, right? Sometimes, we make the wrong decisions. Sometimes we hurt the people that mean the most to us, and that’s what I did, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to!
Do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to be considered a LACKEY of the greatest Undisputed Champion of all time? Do you know what’s EXPECTED of me at Shockwave? Terry, I can’t just beat you for that championship. I have to completely dominate you. I have to prove to EVERYBODY that without any doubt-- without any inkling of it-- I am a better wrestler than you are.
And that was running through my head when we had that contract signing. The entire time, I knew what I had to do. I told myself in my head that there was no way you were just going to walk out of that arena, but you are worth every fucking cent they pay you, aren’t you? I heard your skull thud against those steps when I hit you with the Makeunder, and no matter how horrible it made me feel on the inside, I was just SURE that you weren’t gonna get back up. But you’re the warrior that I thought you were… I caught a glimpse of the Terry Marvin that I wanna face at Shockwave-- the guy that’s smart enough to hold onto the premier championship in the company for three hundred and sixty-two days, but dumb enough to lose sight of career longevity. Proud enough to never know when to say die...
The way I went about doing things was bad and that’s no way to honor the man that’s dedicated the past three months of his professional career supporting me. I owe you a lot, but what I don’t owe you is friendly wrestling match.
No… instead, what we’re going to have out there is gonna be a very personal struggle because I don’t think you take this match as seriously as you claim you do. You don’t TREAT ME the way you’ve treated people like CJ Gates and Keaton Saint, or even Phil Atken, and why? I told you, the moment we formed the New Sindicate, that if you didn’t stick a knife in my back, I was gonna stick one in yours, and I HAD to stick to my word, Terry! I had to show that I was capable of doing that, at least-- and yet, you don’t treat me like I pose the same threat they did.
No mind games. No tricks. No plotting. Nothing.
Why?!
What makes ME so unworthy of the illustrious battle with Terry Marvin that I fucking EARNED at Test for the Best?! Why don’t I get to go into Shockwave feeling like I need to maim Terry Marvin for what he’s done to me?
...No, no, it’s fine, I get it. The general consensus is, since you beat the almighty fucking Lester that there’s no way that somebody like me, with so much on the line could overcome the pressure and knock the king off his throne-- but let’s get something crystal clear right now; I’m better than Level One, and if you think for a fucking second that I won’t bring your career to a screeching halt in the ring on August 25th then you’ve wandered into this match as a blind man. I’m going to hurt you at Shockwave, and I hope you can forgive me for what I do to you. It’s my RESPONSIBILITY to leave you a broken, twitching, mangled heap on the mat on Sunday night and-- I may not look like I have the power to do that, Terry, but I do. I promise you, baby, I do.
I’m a very powerful person.
And since you’re so obsessed with pleasing the masses and maintaining this image of a hero, I’ll do you a solid, as a thank-you for what you’ve done for me this summer, and I’ll play your villain. I’ll BE your powerful, powerful bad guy, and the world can rise to their feet and they could cheer you on, hoping that once again they can see Terry Marvin standing at the top of the mountain, looking down on those around him. That’s the storybook ending that we’ve come to expect.
That’s not the story we’re telling in Detroit.
In Detroit, after three hundred and sixty-two days, I’m finally going to end the greatest championship reign in the history of this sport. It’s over. I WANT the Undisputed Championship, and there’s not a soul that could stop me. But you’re not just gonna roll over and fucking die. You’re going to make me come get that title off your waist. You might make me take things farther than I ever wanted this to go.
…
We might not be okay after this.
You’d do anything in the world to keep that Undisputed Title and I’d do anything to take it away from you. And keep it away. This TITLE might rip our friendship apart entirely! And-- and I think you’d just let something like that happen!
And I understand it now.
It’s all I see. It’s all I think about, haha. It’s the only thing that drags me out of bed in the morning. Every FUCKING day, I wake up, and I think about just taking a knife and carving my own fucking throat out, because I feel like I can’t be happy, ha. I’m living the life I’ve always wanted to live, but still, I’m so unhappy, and-- and I feel that there’s this blank space inside of me and I KNOW what it is now… I know that it’s a void… and I can only fill it with a material object.
For you, I might’ve made things about more than that, but for me, that belt is what it all comes back to. I want it. I want it so bad, Terry, you have no idea. You’ve made it become something so intangible and so alluring-- and I guess that’s why somewhere down the road, this became all about you. It became about proving myself to you and proving that I can hang with you. You’re the pinnacle of the industry, but… but Terry, I’m bigger than wrestling.
I am wrestling. I am every bad call… every cheap shot… every theft… every conspiracy. I’m the worst thing that could possibly happen to you on Sunday night, and baby, I’m so much more than that.
...Ya know, if there’s a life after August 25th without the Undisputed Championship, then I don’t want to wake up on Monday morning. I’ve thought about what I’d do if I lost this match. I thought about what I would say to those people in the seats, and behind those cameras, and everybody in the back on Meltdown… I thought about every reason that I could come up with. I thought about what it’d feel like moving to the back of the line after everything that’s happened over these past few months and I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t bear the thought of sitting back and watching people that I know I’m BETTER THAN taking what rightfully belongs to ME. I thought about being the first person in years to win Test for the Best and then fail to secure the championship. And-- and the more I thought about failing this Sunday, the angrier I got, because I already saw you promising people like Anthony Bailey title matches. I saw you treating me like an AFTERTHOUGHT.
What do I have to do? What do I have to do to get you to understand that I was the real threat all along?
...What do I have to do to hate you? Hahahaha.
I have to do bad things. You understand? I have to be the vile one, because that’s what you want me to be. I have to be the person that’s willing to make sacrifices to get to the top, because that’s not who you are anymore. You’re more interested in fighting the monsters you’ve helped create, and I owe it to you to be just as cunning, just as vicious as you taught me to be, Terry. I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t come at you with the most ruthless mentality.
If I didn’t try to hurt you, then I wouldn’t be doing my job as a friend.
At Shockwave, from a friend to a friend, I beg you; show up ready to fight for your fucking life, because I’m coming after you for everything. I’m not leaving with anything less. I’m taking your gold, and I’m taking away the very thing that solidified your position at the top of this business. I’m going to wear it proudly, and I’m going to tell every opponent that steps before me of the bloody battle I had with Terry Marvin. I’m going to tell them that they don’t compare-- because I’ve already defeated the second-best wrestler in the world.
And then I’m going to give them the show of a lifetime anyway, because that’s what a champion does. I’m going to be better than you ever were, Terry. I don’t even have to hate you.
I’m going to be the best.
I’m going to be everything you couldn’t be.
I’m going to be Aubrey J. Parker.”
you can’t believe it, you didn’t mean it
but they saw you do it and they know your name…
but they saw you do it and they know your name…
aug.21.thirteen11:08pm
If you’d heard what she said to me a moment ago, you’d understand why I’d turned my ears off to Aubrey J. Parker for a moment. You’d understand why my thumb was hovering over the name “Dr. Nemo” in my phone.
But if you saw my best friend right now, you’d understand why I was frozen in a mixture of shock and fear, watching her as she stood in front of the mirror of her bathroom. Blood was trickling from her nose, and I didn’t dare question why. To be honest, there were a variety of reasons, and for the sake of the integrity of her character, I won’t share my suspicions with you.
She looked up toward me in the reflection of the mirror, holding the back of her hand to her nose. She grinned at me. It was a pitiful, tear-filled grin, followed by gentle laughter.
”He’s doing it on purpose.”
Terry. I knew who she meant. But I shook my head at her, eyes still wide.
”Remember what I asked you before Test for the Best?”
I did. But I shook my head again, and stepped into the bathroom. I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if she needed to be consoled or restrained.
”I asked what it’d be like if he was gone.”
”I know.”
”I wanna fucking kill him.”
She said it in a gentle tone, barely above a whisper. She was still laughing… Still giving me that pathetic, pitiful smile, hardly fitting of a world-class champion.
”Well, you’re gonna have to wait until Sunday. Here…”
I reached for a cotton ball, turning on the faucet. Again, like I was raising a child, I reached for her hands, prepared to place them under the cool running water.
”Help me.”
”Stop saying shit like that.”
”I’ve thought about it.”
”Oh, lovely. So you thought about getting locked away.”
”I thought about ending everything.”
”Aubrey--”
”Starting fresh.”
”That’s not what would happen!”
”No more stress.”
”That’s insane.”
”Just help me.”
”Aubrey, please!”
”Just help.”
I was flustered. I was frustrated. I feel like I was on the verge of tears and I had no fucking idea why. I just nodded, fighting them back, and clenched my jaw.
”Okay! Okay. I’ll help you.”
It was bullshit. She probably knew it was bullshit… But maybe she just didn’t care. Maybe seeing my reaction was satisfactory enough. Looking up from the floor, I caught her gaze. She looked at me. With warm, thick blood staining her fingertips, and the proverbial fire behind her eyes, she gestured toward my shaking hands… she was acknowledging my hesitation. My fear. I didn’t want to look back at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her lips curl into a grin, and I felt my heart plummet.
fin.
