Post by stj on Oct 26, 2008 19:55:01 GMT -4
I have been thinking long and hard today and I have to say that I am sorry.
I love this efed and I love this group of roleplayers, but I have been unfair to you all in trying to kid myself and not doing a good job of it. I took a month or so off because I was simply birned out. I can't blame university, that was done, I just simply began to find writing roleplays more and more of a chore. It's happened before, I thought that if I took some time out, I would get back in and keep on running, I would remember why I love doing this. And it worked, I had an amazing storyline with Jeff, someone who even through our problems a few years back, I respected as a fed boss. Then there was the match with Kristina, that was something that I have wanted to do since the WWC.
And then it fell dry again, not because of anyone here, but because it simply isn't there for me anymore. I can come in and be enthusiastic, I can be hot for two or three weeks, maybe a month or two, but then I simply stop feeling the buzz that I got from doing this. I had a cold last week, but that has never stopped me before even if the roleplays were a little on the poorer side. It used to be that the first thing I would do would be to load up the efed, check the posts and start a roleplay or a segment, even if it was just the start because I had class in an hour. I've been in matches and PPV tournaments like this and I have put in seven roleplays in eight days, a non-match roleplay amongst all that, but now I can't write one roleplay for a match with three of the opponents, Dr Matt, Twister and Sabur, having history with Tara Jacobs that would usually feed well into my writing?
APW deserves more from me, on a roleplaying basis, than a month or two in, two out, and I simply can not give it what it deserves. I love this place and I very much (platonically) love people that I have roleplayed with for six or seven years, some of them, and that makes this both easy and hard for me, but while I would love to stay on the roster, I do not feel that it is fair to the people who put in the effort every damn week.
I would like to stick around, to write matches since it won't be disruptive when I have dry spells, but I can not justify what I am doing. I felt, when I knew the lineup of One night in hell, that I would be disappointed if I didn't have a roleplay already in the works before the card was set. And I am here now in the elventh hour with no roleplay written and none coming. Someone else could have faced Kristina, she or that someone else would have made something of this match.
Again, I'm sorry. I won't be disappearing, but from where I'm standing at the moment, I can't see myself being here as, in character, an active member of the roster. I won't say never again, but I would be dishonest if I said that I could see when.
You are all fantastic people and fantastic writers. Again, this is solely down to me, it's nothing to do with anyone else. I just felt that this needed saying instead of me simply disappearing again.
Chris
I love this efed and I love this group of roleplayers, but I have been unfair to you all in trying to kid myself and not doing a good job of it. I took a month or so off because I was simply birned out. I can't blame university, that was done, I just simply began to find writing roleplays more and more of a chore. It's happened before, I thought that if I took some time out, I would get back in and keep on running, I would remember why I love doing this. And it worked, I had an amazing storyline with Jeff, someone who even through our problems a few years back, I respected as a fed boss. Then there was the match with Kristina, that was something that I have wanted to do since the WWC.
And then it fell dry again, not because of anyone here, but because it simply isn't there for me anymore. I can come in and be enthusiastic, I can be hot for two or three weeks, maybe a month or two, but then I simply stop feeling the buzz that I got from doing this. I had a cold last week, but that has never stopped me before even if the roleplays were a little on the poorer side. It used to be that the first thing I would do would be to load up the efed, check the posts and start a roleplay or a segment, even if it was just the start because I had class in an hour. I've been in matches and PPV tournaments like this and I have put in seven roleplays in eight days, a non-match roleplay amongst all that, but now I can't write one roleplay for a match with three of the opponents, Dr Matt, Twister and Sabur, having history with Tara Jacobs that would usually feed well into my writing?
APW deserves more from me, on a roleplaying basis, than a month or two in, two out, and I simply can not give it what it deserves. I love this place and I very much (platonically) love people that I have roleplayed with for six or seven years, some of them, and that makes this both easy and hard for me, but while I would love to stay on the roster, I do not feel that it is fair to the people who put in the effort every damn week.
I would like to stick around, to write matches since it won't be disruptive when I have dry spells, but I can not justify what I am doing. I felt, when I knew the lineup of One night in hell, that I would be disappointed if I didn't have a roleplay already in the works before the card was set. And I am here now in the elventh hour with no roleplay written and none coming. Someone else could have faced Kristina, she or that someone else would have made something of this match.
Again, I'm sorry. I won't be disappearing, but from where I'm standing at the moment, I can't see myself being here as, in character, an active member of the roster. I won't say never again, but I would be dishonest if I said that I could see when.
You are all fantastic people and fantastic writers. Again, this is solely down to me, it's nothing to do with anyone else. I just felt that this needed saying instead of me simply disappearing again.
Chris
