Finding Answers

[J-Hop]

“Fear is your only God
Get y'all to fear me is my only job
Crown, crown
Crown, crown”

-----------------

I hear the riots...

When it was told after the ringing of the bell, I could hear them bitches riot. In the back, outside of the building, across the world.

“The f-[radio edit] happened? He the new champion? Who the f-[radio edit] is he to dethrone that man?”

I tried. I tried to tell you as simple as possible. Logan Alexander, a man that once used to get under my skin alongside him and the once known, Aubrey J. Parker. Now that he found out about that thing called “reality”, he became fragile in the mind. As you saw, he still had the skills of being the Tap Out Champion but I could tell, I sensed it, he wasn’t worried about me or Enigma. He was worried more about AJP.

You lose focus, you lose everything!

I pray that you get that much-needed revenge Logan, but you are now sitting a few pounds lighter, thanks to me.

I proved to everyone that I am not only just a decent tag partner, but I’m a pretty decent fucking singles wrestler too, as you witnessed. You doubted me forever and in ‘D-Town’, Michigan, you all seen the work I put in. But as usual, I will never gain praise from the haters. Just more will continue to show light.

My job now is just to “beat it” into your minds that I am someone to watch out for. This title is now on my waist and it’s not coming off.

Ima’ walk around with it. Sleep with it on. Eat with it on. Take a shower with it on.

It’s my reward for all the hard work put in to get here to this level. I won’t let it go.

That I promise.



manhattan, ny -- sep.3.13

The plane ride back was sweet as over-sweetened ice-tea. I did something no one besides my peers thought was possible. I won the triple-threat affair and the rights to be called the new ‘Tap Out’ Champion. A title my boy Bailey once held a while back. I was still a ‘sponge’, soaking it all in, the knowledge, the keys to being successful and what not. It was already great practice being half of the APW World tag champions, but with being a singles competitor and a singles champion, you were all on your own. There was no one to back you up or carry you and cover your mistakes. It was either be lazy and sloppy or be precise and perfect. You know where my alignment lies...

Getting a text earlier from my mentor, Juan Ramirez. Me and him didn't talk for what seemed to be almost two months. I couldn’t allow my insecure thoughts break up the foundation of a friendship we had for the longest. He didn’t text me much except for four letters that spelled out “A.S.A.P!!” with the addition of exclamation points. Something was up, nothing that had me in worry but I made my way back home. It was later in the evening, close to the sun truly disappearing for good for the rest of the remainder of the day. Walking the streets of manhattan, nothing but a polo shirt and some worn jeans. The backpack on my back, it contained my new “friend”, the TapOut title. There was no way in hell I was going to wear that out loud and proud with all the ‘pick-pocketers’ and masked robbers in this neighborhood. Manhattan or not!

“I wonder what’s up? Hope all is alright!”

Talking as if with a friend, I made my way through town on foot as he wasn’t much further in distance. About a good five more minutes or so. It just worried me with the fact his message was short like that and standing as if an emergency. I looked at my watch as the clouds and skies were growing darker by the minute.

“Yo Juan!”

I yelled, cuffing my hands around my mouth to make the sound transfer further out. To what looked just like him with what light was left to see before darkness, he was sitting on the front of the hood of his Gold-Champagne colored Mercedes-Benz as he did not look anywhere near excited. His look and mood matched the text he sent. His head was down, arms across each other, folded across his chest as he just didn’t look pleasant at all. He rose his head up when I shouted, but he didn’t look that great.

“Damn, what happened to that smile, Golden Boy? Got your text and made it here as quick as I could. What’s wrong?”

Shaking his head as he struggle to put on that trademark smile of his. A sniffle was then heard before he chose to clear his throat.

“It’s gone...”

I looked around me, unsure of what he meant as his head remained down, tilted on an angle.

“Wha-What’s gone? I don’t understand?”

“All that I’ve worked up to build into a place for the future. A place I considered to be award-winning and with it’s state of the art technology to enhance and improve, all I’m left is with nothing. Fucking nothing!”

A slight pause came between his response and me as I didn’t know how to respond. He began balling his fist tight to a point the veins were about to damn near pop through.

“Nahhhh ... Can’t be!”

“Hmmph! I got the call from Danny. He was on his way there and called me immediately telling me that the building was up in flames. Two damn fire trucks to “piss” out the flames. No witnesses were around, so I don’t even know where to begin to lay these fists.”]

Shaking my head at the news. Juan had worked hard on that place to get it where he wanted it. Most of it in his money to buy the lease on the old studio building and refurbish it. The money given and donated went to some of the equipment, enhancement and the bills that came from the use of the building. Man, just who in the hell would be that jealous, that envious of a person to ruin something that was built not for one soul, but for everyone.

“Damn J’ ... Sorry to hear!”

“The fact that I had a few peeps that signed up the other day, now they have nothing to come to and the money they put in, it all has to come out of my pockets now. Fuck!”

“Wish it was something I could do off the break!”

Juan lifted himself off of the Benz as he looked in my direction.

“Oh you can. Find the motherfucker who did it and bring em’ to me alive!”

I looked at him, doing my best to not crack a smile. He was already ‘lit’ up, as far as anger goes.

“But yo’ Juan, who in the hell do I even look for? I don’t even know who? You have no surveillance footage?”

Juan threw his arms up.

“I got it inside but was soon going to get it for the outside. Dumb on my end and right about now, I’m shit out of luck, Hopkins. No one is speaking out on the shit. No one. Zipped lips.”

“Shame, but for who they may know, they don’t want to be affiliated. It sucks but I’ll do my best to check around and see what I can get.”

“Kash and his people were here earlier this week getting in some much-needed work. Now when they roll back through, it’ll be nothing but leftover burnt crust. He was progressing well too!”

I nodded.

“Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll come up with something man. We all know how important it was to you, inspiring folks to be better in life at everything. You and Dan were the best. I’ve gained great knowledge from you two. Me, Bailey and Williams all have gained valuable knowledge.”

“Yeah well, you got nothing now, kid! Guess you have to go to one of those other high-priced schools if you want further training. I can’t do shit!”

Holding my hand up, pausing him from going further. I looked at him.

“You always told me to never look down, never fall under pressure. Never let one take your glory. Well although the theme is much different, it still relatively the same. It’s lost money out of your pocket and out of those who helped and donated. You will bounce back. We will bounce back!”

“We?”

I nodded my head as he asked with curiousity.

“Yeah. I see you looking at me weird. I ain’t at the level you are with the ‘mad’ cash flow but I might just have an idea. Go home, get some rest, although that is going to be tough as shit. Just try. I’ll contact you soon enough and let you know what I have.”

He continued to look at me strange as hell, not understanding what I was saying.

“Yeah, whatever man. Peace!”

Juan spoke as he fanned his hand, not trying to hear the soft-core words. He loss all of what he put into that building. I couldn’t blame him for how he was feeling but just maybe with what I had in mind, it could help out in the end. You just never know. Friends were hard to find, they were also harder when in need of favors.

Taking off like a mad son of a bitch in the Benz, spun tires and a wave full of heat blasted right past me as I remained standing there, feeling the frustration off that moment. I just watched as he sped away out of sight. Lowering my head, I turned and walked on off, heading home.

=========================================

Location: Brooklyn, NY (Home)
Time: 9:30 PM EST

Being envious gets you nowhere. Nowhere at all. I sit here, processing random thoughts of just why the hell would someone burn down a building that is for “the people”. For the future and the present, this was their home. This was my “home away from home” to come to, let go of stress and get stronger. Now there’s nothing. Young kids that were recruited by Ramirez to rid of their lifestyle and surroundings and give them something positive. It was a recreational center, a wrestling school and a gym. Money, money well spent out of his pockets and donated from others including the likes of some out of APW. It was a place well-enjoyed and now to know someone so selfish is unseen, unknown, walking around with a ‘smug’ on his/her face while he lives with knowing he killed off one’s hope of trying to revive the community and bring the word “togetherness” back in play.

People are a trip sometimes...

As I find myself a few days from traveling to the beauty that is Hawaii, I have to let the outside noise not distract me. I’m going against a man who had to deal with his face being planted awkwardly into the mat, giving all kinds of different facial expressions after minutes of trying to survive, had to just let it be and tap before he became another name on the injured list for APW. He tapped, he tried even waking up Logan to gain some “help”, but nothing worked for Mr. Enigma and he was left to surrender to “Jair, The Great”.

That was ‘corny’.

No seriously, Enigma saved his best for that match. He brought all of his tricks to the game and did his best, almost coming close to taking it from Logan. It was a fight and I commend him for putting up one hell of a fight. Logan, even with all of that he is dealing with, he was a champion, a challenge and a great opponent. We’ve had our differences, he took me down, I will never forget that brute force delivered to my ribs, but he put on his best efforts in a loss. The more focused, more determined man came out the victor. They were focused and determined too, but when it came down to the wire, I showed I wanted it more. I displayed the aggressive force. I made those who doubted me for months in saying I wasn’t shit as a singles wrestler, eat their words. They had to live with widened eyes and hurt feelings because I managed to stay focused and work my way out of that match the winner.

Again, this week, facing Mr. Enigma. Those same damn doubters are doubting I will succeed, calling it a fluke.

I guess just like Shawn Carter, I can’t live. Not one day.

I can’t live without having to hear the doubters voice their bullshit opinions about me stating I am nothing and that I will lose everything soon enough. I’m not worthy of being a double champion.

I can’t win, Enigma. I can’t win at all. They are all on you, wishing you the best and hoping you will “teach me” that what happened at Meltdown Supershow will not happen again.

You got my doubters on your side as your support system. Ain’t that a bitch? It’s alright. Let them steer you to victory lane, Enigma. See if they have your back the whole way, win or lose.

The way I just locked on that submission, it was a statement that I can do this shit just as good as the next person. I shocked everyone, even you as I heard those light taps behind me before the ringing of the bell. Although this is a non-title fight, I’m not going to take it easy on you one bit. I’m sure you got your little witty words and sayings but seriously, I’m going to prove to you that it wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t a fluke. It was reality. The way Logan glanced at me there at the end, that was all reality.

I like having challengers but I’m going to do my all to never see you again. This means a lot more to you than me. You beat me, you’re pretty much first in line to get another chance at this title. I can’t let that happen. I beat you, I get a new fresh face. I let you beat me and I’ll have to stare at that ugly mug of yours. If I see your mug one more time after the 8th of September, I might just go blind.

Maybe then you’ll have a better chance at beating me.

Then again, maybe not. I will never be cocky and arrogant as a champion. I just tend to speak the truth. I’m looking to rid of you from my sights Mr. Enigma. If you seem to feel differently about that and you want to see me more, then you better get your shit together and beat me in that ring.

Every day I grow more aware and more wise. Your tricks and little games won’t trip me up. You’ll have to come harder, much smarter and just maybe you’ll succeed.

Until then ... It’s sleepy time till’ Lahaina!