Post by Your JESUS on Oct 27, 2008 19:06:42 GMT -4
The theme music from 90210 plays along with the intro video. As the video comes to it's end, the logo of the one time popular show appears on the screen. The numbers 90210 get a red stamp over them reading...Candada ! The screen fades into a High School hallway, filled with teenagers, and lockers. The focus comes in on a young man turning the dial on his locker.
"JEFF....how was Home Ecc."
A blonde young man wearing a back pack walks up to the young man standing at his locker. Jeff then opens his door, throws a few books in, and grabs out his gym bag for Physical Education.
"Not bad Matt....did you get accepted into the vocational program?"
"Not sure, I'll find out in a week"
"Dude...thats gay bro...in fact you'll be the gayest guy in Canada. I'm working on something great...it's way better then you going to school to be a Nurse."
"What...I told you there is nothing wrong with a nurse being a man. So whats you major plan...I mean the last plan you had us dressing up as a superhero's and try to bust up robberies in the middle of the night..that brilliant one got me grounded for a week."
"This one is great...meet me at my house after school"
The two part ways as the bell rings for the next class.
A few hours later after school has let out. A liquor store sits on the corner. Outside the liquor store drug dealers, and wanna be gangsters gather to seem cool, or like thugs...as if they have those in Canada. A young man wearing a chain link necklace, and a baseball hat is talking shit to another man. Just then the door of the liquor store flies open smashing the young wanna be thug in the back. The thugster hits the ground looking like a fool to all the other thugsters standing on the corner. This young poser looks up to see the blonde man mentioned earlier named Matt running out of the liquor store followed by the store manager. The young man stands up, brushes the dirt off his shoulder, then bangs his fists together to the other posers in an attempt to regain his cool status. That young man then takes off following the kid named Matt.
In the backyard of Jeff, the young teen finishes his makeshift wrestling ring. A pile of mattresses, some broken wood, and a few folding tables borrowed from the neighborhood church. Jeff spray paints "JBYWF" (Jeff's Back Yard Wrestling Federation) on edges of the mattresses. Just then his blonde best friend Matt comes running in the yard. He stops short looking at the make shift, backyard arena Jeff has put together.
"Whoa...whats up with this shit Jeff"
"It's what I was telling you all about...I'm starting a wrestling fed"
"Nice...Hey I scorred some good stuff here"
"What'd you get"
Jeff grabs the bag from his friend pulls out a bottle of Peppermint Snapps.
"Whoa...first you want to be a nurse...now your drinking Snapps...We need to get you help."
Matt grabs the bottle of snapps from his friend, cracks it open and begins guzzling it down.
Fuck you...your the one who thinks he's a superhero"
Jeff then sets up his parents video camera on a tripod, as the neighborhood whore Tara shows up.
"Oh damn Jeff...whats she doing here?"
"What Matt...we need some eye candy, all wrestling promotions have eye candy"
"Wait...I'm no eye candy"
"I agree with you on that one"
"I'm going to be the best female wrestler in history"
"Jeff...you give me shit all day about wanting to be a male nurse...and this bitch fresh from a rainbow party is claiming to be a wrestler...what the fuck Jeff...there is no way thats going to fly"
"Well first Matt...let me handle the details of the fed,...if a woman wrestles it's my call, ...So from now on you will be known as Dr. Matt, the drunken superstar smashing the Snapps, and kicking ass...and you will be a legend second only to me...the great Hurricane Jeff"
Matt smiles arrogantly at Tara who just crosses her arms.
"Thats right...I'll be the greatest wrestler to ever walk the earth, the best champion to enter the ring."
"Jeff I'll make all the posters, I'll make a bunch of signs as well, so this thing can be huge."
[colro=Green]"Yeah...I love all your graphic work...paint me up some good posters, and signs....Awesome"[/color]
"But Jeff... if your running the fed, you can't be the champion...it just doesn't work...people will only think your champ cause well your the boss. You gotta have someone else as your champion....Like ME."
"Thats great...I love it...but I'm still a legend...still the greatest...Hurra Breakers, Hurra Bombs, Hurra-Shooters....Hurra-Briefs...the list goes on and on."
"What about me Jeff"
[color-=Green]"Uhh Tara...you need to prove yourself...I like the idea of you being a broken, disturbed woman"[/color]
"It fits her well...miserable bitch"
Tara flips Matt the bird as he just smiles back like a smart ass teenager.
"Listen Tara you'll be a woman trying to make it in a mans world...you pretty much despise men, and uhh....yeah...that'll do, we can only go so far with a woman before the people realize it's a hoax"
Just then the THUG that followed Matt to the backyard walks into the mix. Jeff and Matt look at the guy.
"Henry Tit"
"Wow you dropped out a long time ago...how have you been."
"Not bad...living the THUG LIFE...so what do you guy's got going here"
"I'm starting a wrestling fed...it's going to be HUGE...I'm putting over all my friends...all my buds...did you want to join."
"Sure....wrestling if THUG'ed out."
[color+Green]"But you can't be called Henry Tit...it's kind of fruity like Matt trying to be a nurse"[.color]
"What about Titty Twister"
Henry Tit looks at Matt with and evil glare.
"Thats it..."
"I will not be called Titty Twister"
"But thats what everyone has called you since third grade...oh probably why you dropped out...sorry"
[color=Green}"No guy's...just Twister...a Natural Disaster...the fury of the wind....yeah....it's classic...Fear Twister' Rage..oh i'm good...WWE should hire me"[/color]
"I love it...sweet...I'm a wrestler"
"So...Matt your the champion...now we need a title."
Jeff begins looking around the yard for an idea. Matt polishes off his peppermint snapps. Tara looks at Titty Twister as if she were hot for him. He looks over catching her giving him the eye, and she pouts with her depressed evil look. Just then from the side yard Jeff runs out with a trash can lid, tapped to an extension cord.
"Here's our title"
"Thats the title...it looks like shit Jeff...I could have come up with something better on my paint program..then printed it, and we could have Tara sew it together..cause thats what girls do best is sew HA!"
Tara flips Matt off again
"Well it's my fed...I run it, and it's my title....if you don't like it you can go....wait you can't go...you have to make my banners, and signs."
"Your acting like your the HOTTEST SHIT GOING"
"No I'm not...I haven't found the HOTTEST SHIT GOING yet....but when I do I have a feeling it will be like finding JESUS"
(Yeah I did it...I back handedly marked out for ME-self through Me-Self's RP...it's sickening...maybe I'll seek help)
The two bicker between each other for awhile. Tara just stands there watching the argument with an evil demeanor on her face. Twister kind of chills in the back waiting for the thing to unfold.
"So whats your gig sweatheart...you one of those lesbians."
The Dark dame flips the bird to the THUG. The argument between Jeff and Matt explodes, finally ending with the two parting ways.
"Alright Twister...good news...your the new world champ...so now we have to get you a gimmick...lets see...how about drinking...you can be a drinking wrestler, always drunk, but kicking ass...thats it it's gorgeous."
"Thats Matt's gimmick Jeff"
" Well Matt's gone...this gimmick is Twisters now...the new JBYWF World Champion."
"So who am I fighting sugar tits over here"
"Not sure yet...no one would believe for a second that the little girl could get over on him let alone last more then four seconds in a match."
Tara stomps her feet in protest, and Jeff being the good friend he is, he offers some words of comfort.
"It's alright Tara...I'm going to make you the intercontinental champion, and if you find yourself a partner...you be the best tag team in wrestling history."
Tara shows what appears to be a smile, and cheers up for once in her miserable life.
"I'll get Dianna...she'd make a grat wrestler"
Jeff smiles huge
"You'vee had a crush on her since we were little...cool"
Just then Matt comes walking back into the yard.
"Uhh Jeff...I'm back...and would like to be champion again..."
"Oh well...I have a champion...Twister...the alcohol chugging ass kicking Natural Disaster..the world will fear Twisters Rage"
[color=Yellow}"Dude thats my gimmick."[/color]
"Just chill...you can still make me PPV posters, and banners, and such...and when i get someone else to do it...you can then come back and wrestle for me....as for the gimmick...I don't know...add some drug abuse in there and it'll be a different gimmick."
Matt smiles at his long time friend as a kid from a different school walks into Jeff's yard.
"Lincoln Dicks...you son of a bitch...what are you doing here..."
"I heard about your fed...I'm going to take it over..."
"The hell you are...I'm over thanks to Jeff...you can't fuck that up for me...what will I do for some one else...I'm barely a mid-carder anywhere else."
" Me either...the woman thing won't fly anywhere else."
"And I can't really make good posters...what will I do without Jeff....he's my everything."
Everyone looks at Matt a little weird, then back at Lincoln Dicks.
The television screen then cuts off, and the camera is focused on Sabur sitting in a chair next his Lil Dick who is seated in a toddler chair...you know the type...the little plastic ones with a cartoon character on it....in fact it's a Porky Blackwell chair...yeah thats the one. The large power house of APW sets the TV remote down, then looks at the camera. Just as he is about to speak, Lil Dick pipes up with a question.
Lil Dick: Listen that was a crazy show...and I know it was meant as a rib, or an insult...but the thing that has me is...in there they implied the only reason Matt was anything is because he possibly helped out with PPV posters.
Sabur: So you are saying it's unbelievable that Jeff would promote a guy, or put him over because he does graphics for the company...where have you been man...under a rock.
Lil Dick: All this time I thought people who won titles deserved them.
Sabur: Listen...I'm sure they deserved them...it just matter's who you ask if they deserved them or not...asking me...I think not. There has been a champion or two who possibly didn't really deserve a title, let alone the shot.
Lil Dick: Like who...
Sabur: Ig...Nevermind...It doesn't matter...anyways...lets move on buddy...to the promo portion of this segment. Imagine this crazy version of Canadian 90210 moving on through college...a bunch of college grads getting degrees all to become wrestlers.
Lil Dick shakes his head in disgust.
Lil Dick: A waste of education if you ask me...
Sabur then smacks him in the back of the head.
Sabur: Hey...I'm a wrestler...anyways this dysfunctional group of cronies have found success. Previous feds, and here in APW. First Spirit Dianna Steele....oops that was the talent of THAT team...and she''s dead...theres a waste if you ask me. The Grim Reaper really missed the target on THAT one. I mean Dianna carried that team to success...which is something I know plenty about. Spirit it should have been you that got stuffed into a casket, and dropped into the cold earth. Oh well...in that chamber me and four others will have an opportunity to pick up the slack for the Reaper's mistake. You walk around all the time, with your depression, and negativity...acting like a sad little girl who's father took liberties with her. Well maybe someone should put you out of your God Damn misery. Maybe someone should send you on your way...to reunite with your friend Dianna. Maybe someone should end this farce of a wrestling career you've had. At least you can go back to the dark alley's that you miss so much, and make a few bucks servicing horny old fucks trolling the block. Lets face it you are nothing, and without someone else's help you have achieved nothing here. You success only came from the hard work of Dianna Steele, and riding the coat tails of Kenny Lambardo, and now that your not on the side of Jeff, you are all alone. You are by yourself...it's a dark, lonely, dangerous place being alone, and confused. You say thats where you thrive, where you've been all your miserable life. Spirit there is no love lost between us, and I'm sure me and you will never be breakfast buddies. Come time for the chamber, I'm driving my fist through your forehead, I'm not just going to own your ass, I'm going to break it...you, and your career. With Dianna stiff as a board, and rotting beneath our feet, Kenny Lambardo gone trying to find God, or himself, or his balls, and your friendship with Jeff in the shitter, there is no one for the miserable leach known as Tara Jacobs to suck talent from. So at One Night in Hell not only will I put you out of your misery, but I exterminate the pesky blood sucker that has been robbing from the talent of others.
Sabur then clears his throat, and sits up straight in his chair.
Sabur: Twisler, Twisler...Twisler...here we are...one more time. This time you don't just have me to worry about...but four others. Twister simply put your an opportunist...this match presents no opportunity for you. Sure you may have been big shit in a few other feds, but once the talent level rose...magically you suffered a career threatening injury. Then all this time goes by...and Jeff's fed needs saving...and wa-la..the re-emergence of the one and only...the fan favorite Twister. The arrogance about that fancy story is that you think you can be the one to do it...you are the one that will turn the industry around. It's no secret that Jeff has been trying to get you back, and when you returned...in true opportunist fashion you got your first APW gold from Austin Daniels...after his vigorous schedule, you waltz right up, and snatch the gold..pratically screaming to the fans...REMEMBER ME??? IT'S TWISTER...sickening. Then you get propped up to your current state, well I'll be damned if someone takes the opportunity from me. I'm knocking you flat on your ass, letting you know that the mileage on your career may be out of warranty. Titty Twister...the chances of you walking in and out with that title are slim to none. Sure you have experience in a chamber like every else...fuck it's a match, six man battle inside a cage on steroids...if anyone knows something about steroids it's me.
Lil Dick looks at Sabur like he is rambling again.
Sabur: Sorry..where was I..Twister I took you to the limits, but fell just short...or did I. Maybe I thought about that pretty wife of yours, and that son you have looking up to you. Maybe that sparred you, but this time...it makes no difference to me. Hell if I had to give your wife a House of Pain, and power bomb that twerp of a brat before I could pin you for that title, I would hesitate one second. This time everything is different. This time I will end you. This time...I step up, giving the fans a champion that didn't get to the title because I carried a fed for someone before, or because I knew him before. All preconceptions are out the window. The chamber door locks, Jeff isn't in there, no one is in there...just you me and four others...four others that can't control me, four others that just like you will be snapped into pieces by the Human Wrecking Machine. I'm the joke...or are you the joke...you think the fans really believe you won the title cause you simply are the best, or was it opportunity...one given because your history with the boss.A man that left due to injury, magically came back with little to no ring rust, and stormed to the top spot in the company bringing home it's top prize. Well all that history is long gone, and done.... I'm writing a new chapter...the cover on yours has closed. The new era has started, and this isn't Kansass...we have no Tornado's, Twisters, or fruity fury in the wind. In fact this is paradise, the weather is beautiful, and perfect...just like APW will be and was with out you. This on screen feud you have had with Jeff doesn't fool anyone. In front of the fans you two despise each other, but of camera we all hear you in his office, slurping up the Canadian goo. Trying your best not spill his seed on the ground. Well Twister...it seems there is a new guy to tickle Jeff's nuts, a new guy with no gag reflex, and where will that leave you...out of luck, with no title, no career, and no more stroke. Well Twist...he will truly miss that technique when it's long gone, and maybe he'll be begging for you to return again in a few months when he needs his left testicle licked. In clossing...you have what I want, and I'm coming to get it. Once I get there...it will be clear to all that I didn't suck, stroke, swallow my way to the belt...but in fact worked my ass off. Not only worked, but busted people up on the way to the top. Once I'm the champion then maybe APW will truly be saved...it will have a champion...an untainted champion...pure, free, and not a puppet for someone in the back to control.
Sabur then kicks his feet up on the coffee table, and continues.
Sabur: Link...you are another coming to save APW, coming to stop Jeff, coming to the rescue, and exactly who are you....oh thats right a supposed former friend of Jeff...or is it a behind the scenes friend of Jeff. Your friendship might be the thing that got you here, it may be because Jeff wanted to see you sufferer inside the chamber...knowing full well that the Human Wrecking Machine is out for blood. Either way you slice it Link...your just a blip on the radar. You offer no lasting impression, have no substance, and pose no real threat. A waste of time that production has tried to build up, and management has tried to hype, but face it your a dud. That fire cracker you get on the fourth of July. You know the one that seems like it's going to kick ass, but once that fuse is lit, nothing happens, except the frustration that sets in when you wasted your money. Well the APW has wasted enough on you...in fact I think you actually owe the APW for putting up with you. The match for this title is like this....Me, Twister, and Dr. Matt beating the shit out of you, Spirit's slow roasted beef curtains, and Jared, sending you fucks to the locker room. As you enter the backstage area, the bell will ring, signaling the beginning of the real main event. Face it...the only reason your here, they wanted to make things exciting, make thing interesting, and try and put over this chamber match. Being there was three serious contenders for the match, they did there damnedest to fill the other three spots. So the reality is Link...think of it as a porno...I'm the film star, and your just the fluffier. I'd say it's not to late...the EWC may still take you back...hell I hear they'll let anyone wrestle over there...in fact John Green called and was wondering if he could feud with a talentless, no showing hack...and from the sounds of things you fit the bill.
Sabur then pulls a towel out, pats his forehead to dry up the sweat caused by the hot lights beating down on his muscular frame.
Sabur: Who's next....
Lil Dick: Dr. Matt...and Jason Rcochet...
Sabur: Thats a tough one...Dr. Matt deserve a bit of respect...cause sucking up to him...may get me closer to Jeff and being close to Jeff gets you places...but then again I missed that Jason in the last promo...descions..descions. Well I could begin to rip Dr. Matt...and then end on Ricochet..but half the audience will turn off the TV's thinking the promo is over and miss what I have to say about Jason...So here goes. Where do I begin....lets see...it's obvious to everyone that your skills on the stick...thats the microphone Jason are lackluster. You would think the wrestling business would have learned from the mistake of the Ultimate Warrior back in the day, and would have stayed away from the weight lifting, half brained retard. So what does the clever people of APW do...they decide you have the look...the problem with that is that the wrestling business isn't the same as it was ten to fifteen years ago...the fans are as stupid, and getting over on them isn't easy. It's all over the INTERNET Jason that you have a team of people backstage helping you out...coaaching you if you will. Well you coaches may be able to help you when it's time to cut a promo, and the video editing team may be able to fine tune, and splice together something fancy for you, but in that chamber your in experience will shine through. APW can try and back you, give you the biggest push ever to come down the pike. The fact of the matter is you have done nothing here to earn the spot you have been given, you haven't done shit in APW except piss me off. The Reflection of Perfection...I outta slap the shit out of you. There was only one perfect wrestler, and you are far from him. So in the chamber I may just drop you on your head a few times for the Henning family for your disrespect. You see the management is looking for the stars of tomorrow, the future of this business, and boy did they miss the target by backing you. This is professional wrestling, not Day's of Our Lives...we have no need for actors...thats right actors reading scripts written by others. I'm not sure what you think you are walking into at One Night In Hell...but it's no fucking joke...it's no scripted dance, no planned outcome, just five wrestlers...and some gym rat who thought could make some easy money by becoming a wrestler. Well in the chamber you will be taught a valuable leasson...one about this buisiness...this isn't the eighties, or the early nineties....the propped up frauds fall flat...there is no support. You make a name for yourself in this business on your own hard work. So enjoy the spotlight...suck it up, cause once you are released from the hospital in about a week...your place in APW will be shown to you...the place where you have belonged since your debut...in fact they have just announced a new show...it's going to be your show...Tuesday Night Meltdown...home of the wilted fakes and frauds...other wise known as Jabrones...Jobbers...or simply put Jason Ricochet.
Sabur then takes a deep breath.
Sabur: Alright this is the one...the one I can't miss, the one I had better nail down perfectly...Nurse Matty. Well Matt people have said the I should take off the gloves, let it all hang out, so here it goes. First I like to ask...hows Jeff...good...thought so, alright moving on. The simple fact is that you pose the most dangerous threat to me in this match....the thing that BLOWS my mind...calm down your nose is twitching...is without Jeff giving you a job where would you be....on the corner strung out looking for a cock to suck for a cheeseburger and a key bump. Your a wirery crack head, and thats a dangerous thing to deal with...in or out of the ring. The good thing is....when you loose in this chamber match...maybe you could make the poster for next months PPV...where I'm holding the APW championship...oh sore subject there hunh..Jeff found someone more talented in that department hunh...so is life. Now your active again, and ready to get some gold. Well this isn't a match involving John Green Matt...you can't just come out, throw around a guy the size of a sixteen year old...no in me your facing a giant. I'm compared to as un-human...un-realistic...my shear size and skill plants fear inside many. You though...show no fear..a typical side effect of a strung out crack head. You see Matt no matter the drugs you pump into your veins, or snort into your body, they will not give you the strength to overcome me...the strength to nail the Doctor's Order's on me. Please Matt your heart will be pounding from the drugs, the adrenalin, and the beating. I don't have to beat you...you going to beat your self...Your a drunk bastard...living on borrowed time...that kidney is destined to fail sooner or later...then you add the constant drug abuse...putting added pressure on that kidney, and strain on your heart...fuck...I'll just out pace you until you drop dead from a heart attack, or punish your body till it finally quits on you. You are coming into the match the underdog physically. This Genetic Powerhouse is primed and ready, I'm going to put a drug addict down, and out. Matt maybe you should consider this chamber match your intervention...if you make it out alive. When your stretchered out...and the medics are trying to save your life...just so you can snort another line, and chase it with a swig of Scotch...maybe then you'll realize...When steeping in the ring with wrestling specimen like the Irish Hammer, being all zipped up doesn't cut it. Uppers, Downers, Shots, Beers, Lines, Sacks of Green Key Bumps, all will give you a hell of a buzz, they can also stop you cold in your tracks....Just like the Irish Hammer. I'm swinging the steel around, aiming for your head...I'm pounding out my name in history..staking my claim...and cutting out all of Jeff's friends to do it, settling for nothing less then World Champion. Matt when it's over, and the dust is settled...there will always be a place for you in APW...you can sweep up in the back, prep the tables, set up the folding chairs, fill in on graphics, and keep Jeff happy just like the good old day's when you were his bitch. In the Chamber, just for one night only...I'm borrowing you from him...and making you mine.
Sabur stands.
Sabur: The time has come...MY TIME!!! You people are going to see history...going to witness greatness unfold before your eyes...
Lil Dick stands running over to the camera with his mouth open
Lil Dick: Mind Freak
Sabur stops, turns to his Lil Dick...then bitch slaps him to the floor.
Sabur: No more jokes...till I have the title
