One's Mockumentry of Tommy Koxxx

[Level-Two]

One's Mockumentry of Tommy Koxxx

ATTENTION!

Now that we have it, the events in the following production are most likely true. Synndicate Inc is not responsible for any inaccuracies of the characters that may be represented in this piece.

The following mockumentry was filmed over the course of one day; as any more time spent on this would have been a tragedy. You are forewarned that the following footage is not meant to be funny, hilarious, or for the epic lulz as our only aim is to be 57% less boring than your average Tommy Knox promo.

This mockumentry contains an obscene amount of sudden jump cuts in a desperate attempt to keep your attention; we kindly request that you think of it as your average YouTube video.

We apologize in advance to anyone who enjoys the descriptive intricacies of background environments. As a result of time constraints, we were not able to detail the lamp shades, couches and that odd unidentified stain in the carpet that just won't go away no matter how many times you fucking bleach it.

P.S - If you're still reading this, we strongly recommend that you see a doctor immediately. Thank you.

Liberty City, USA - ONE'S PENTHOUSE

Understanding the depth of Tommy Knox

In his lazy boy, APW world champion is tapping away at his Xbox 360 controller clearly not enjoying his gaming experience while his fiancé loiters somewhere in the background.

''Baby, it's your day off. You don't get many of them. Are you really going to spend it playing video games all day?''

He doesn't offer a response; rather his eye just twitches.

''Do you think I want to play this!?'' Lester asked all the while working up to his rage. ''Grand Theft Auto Five is out this week but can I play it? Nooooo. Why? Because that goddamned bitch Kia LeWinter has my ass playing Grand Theft Auto Four: The Lost and damned!''

''Wait, why would Kia LeWinter make you play a video game? That doesn't make any sense.''

Begrudgingly, the happy soon to be groom to be slams the pause button on the control.

''I don't know but I think it has something along the lines of making my life as miserable as possible of their own sick amusement!'' He hissed. ''She sits me down and tells me I need to play this game to better understand my opponent Tommy Knox.''

''I still don't get it.''

''Tommy is a gimmick nothing more - nothing less. I told them I wasn't going to sit through their bullshit gangbanger movies so they thought the inter-activeness of a video gaming would get me more involved and in tune with his lifestyle.''

''Jeeze, what kind of loser models his life after a silly little video game?'' Patricia ironically inquired.

''That's what I am saying!"

Patricia snarled as she took a seat on the arm of the chair beside the love of her life.

''Whatever happened to the old sitting down and reviewing the tapes method? This way seems a whole lot more complicated.''

He sighed. ''That's the LeWinters for you. I guess they felt they couldn't get me motivated enough for this match merely by watching him wrestle. By playing this game, I'm supposed to see Tommy Knox as dangerous but that's hardly the case when I can just turn down the difficulty to easy.''

''You cheater!''

Patricia Lewis wrapped her arms around Lester Only, before he tossed the Xbox controller at the television screen.

''Tommy Knox maybe a tough guy outside of the ring surrounded by fifty of his best friends with horrible tattoos and some awesome Harleys but when it comes down to one on one competition he's like anyone who is insecure enough to rely on a GANG; a bitch.''

Tour bus, on route - Sit down w/ Dr. Madeen

Why is Tommy Knox such a bitch, is it genetic? As you'll see, Lester Only investigates.

''The Studies show that men like Tommy Knox turn to gangs for a sense of belonging; it is my belief that he had experienced a trouble child hood growing up. Often, it turns out to be a case of neglect. His father was likely dead or in jail while his mother turned tricks on the street corner to get on by and wasn't around much. Of course, we are talking about generalities here.''

Lester Only took a seat in front of Dr. Madeen.

''Oh, of course.'' He responded arrogantly. ''After all, my child hood was all sorts of fucked up but look at how I turned out...''

Deadpan.

''I am afraid that is arguable, Lester. It is impossible to determine if that is truly the case as you could have been even greater than what you are should you have never experienced the abuse at all. We will truly ever know.''

''Well, Tommy Knox is a degenerate coward. That much we both know is true!''

Dr. Madeen nodded her head in agreement. ''This is indeed the case. While I have never sat down with Mr. Knox, I believe you have nothing to worry about. His kind only excels against the weak or disadvantaged but against you one on one the numbers are no longer in his favor.''

''Well, he did beat Evan Envi for the APW Overdrive Championship...'' He added.

''The weak, Lester.'' Dr. Madeen promptly corrected him. ''Evan Envi was listed as one of your potential opponents and thus he was studied by me with a great deal of rigor. After several weeks of studies, I was able to decipher his vocal tone, posture and body language and determined that his heart was no longer in it anymore. In so many words, he threw the towel in. He took a dive.''

''That's a controversial statement if I ever heard one but you said it, not me!'' Lester said, laughing in the process. ''So, would you mind sharing your brilliant methods with me? It would make for one hell of a tool to add to my already extensive repertoire...''

Dr. Madeen straightens her posture up and held her head up high.

''There's no need for your patronizing tone, Mr. Only. After all, I am your sports psychologist which makes this a job. Nothing more, nothing less.''

WrestleFUCK studios - Onset w/ Lexxi Swallows

Who is Tommy Knox and how did he become to be?

''So, Lexxi we understand that you worked with Tommy Knox while he was in the porn industry?'' Lester started.

The camera zooms in on the face of Lexxi Swallows and by every indication she's nothing short of a busted blonde. Considering her line of work at WrestleFUCK studios, perhaps the money shot is what they called a chair shot... to the face.

''Yes, I fucked Tommy boy a few times - he wasn't anything spectacular per say but he did get the job done, he even made me orgasm once.''

''Just once?'' Lester asked, truly intrigued.

''Yes, just once.'' Lexxi Swallow confirms. ''I'm the queen bee around WrestleFuck studios, I'm not the most easy to please.''

''Well, considering I am the APW world champion I'm sure that I could give you a run for your money... or rather, you can give me a run for my money. Heh. Get it!?''

''I'm a porn star not a fucking prostitute!'' Lexxi spat, clearly offended by his inability to make the proper distinction.

''Oh, okay... let's not play semantics now!'' Lester Only said lowering the camera off her face and to her back alley, black market boob job. ''Hmm. Would I hit?''

''Look, I don't know why you came here but I need to get going - I have a handicapped match shoot to film.'' Lexxi said much to her annoyance.

''Wait, how does that work?'' Lester asked out loud before shaking his head. ''Actually, on second thought I'm not sure I actually want to know.''

''I'm fucking three paraplegics, okay?'' Lexxi eagerly confirmed.

''So, would it be inappropriate to guesstimate you how many limbs are being shared in between the four of you?''

''I'm sucking cock, that's all the limbs I need to worry about.'' Lexxi Swallow said rolling her eyes. ''Now, is there a point to all this and do you plan on getting to it?''

He sighs. ''Okay, the real reason I am here today is to get a first-hand account on how... how big... how large... or small... look, I want to know about Tommy Knox's penis size.''

''Oh, you’re into homoerotica...''

''No, no, no!'' Lester said waving his hands back and forth. ''I'm ALL for the women’s division around these parts; it's just that I believe Tommy Knox is suffering for little penis syndrome and it's something no man should ever have to go through. We're just here for the confirmation.''

Lexxi Swallows snarled. ''Well, you're out of luck. Tommy Koxxx was a 9.5''

''Why the .5?'' Lester asked.

''Every. Inch. Counts.'' Lexxi said with a grin a mile wide on her face, as her hand slowly slid down to her lady parts.

''This is impossible!'' He declared before he signaled a stage hand to retrieve an item off stage. The stage hand quickly obliged and hands Level-One a photo ID of Tommy Knox. ''Is THIS the man!?''

''Which one?'' Lexxi said looking at several faces among dozens. ''There's like twenty different people in this photo.''

''Seriously guys!? Jesus fucking Christ - are you telling me that you couldn't find ONE photo with Tommy Knox by himself!?'' Lester said shaking his head side to side. ''I'm sorry Ms. Swallows; Tommy Knox is a gang bang sort of guy.''

''Well, I can tell you I haven't fucked anyone in this photo.'' Lexxi said dismissively before she tossed it aside. ''You said his name was Tommy Koxxx right?''

''No, Tommy Knox!'' Lester shouted. ''K-N-O-X!''

''Oh, my mistake!'' Lexxi Swallows said shrugging her shoulders. ''I thought you meant Tommy Koxxx - a pornstar who retired a few years ago after suffering a severe penis injury in a hardcore match.''

''I fucking hate you.'' Lester hissed.

''Well, I'm sure I can make this worth the while for the both of us?'' Lexxi said, as she lifted up her free hand and sucked on her fingers getting them wet.

''Okay, and now you’re fingering yourself... lovely.''

Come on, like we'd actually let you watch the rest.

Synndicate Inc HQ's - The Cutting room floor

''You know, I never understood why women love to date douche bags. I mean, what's the mass appeal?''

Violet and Kia roll their eyes at the irony of Level-One's question, as they work away on two separate lap top computers.

''Oh, I have no idea.'' Violet sarcastically remarked.

''This is coming from the douche bag who has the women doing ALL the damn work in the editing room. We aren't exactly cut out of this you know.'' Kia complained.

''Lester didn't even know how to operate a twitter account a year ago.'' Kaylyn James Evans chimed in from across the room as she filed her nails.

''What about you?'' Lester asked, directing his attention to Kaylyn James Evans with a smile as he took a seat beside her. ''I mean, you had your little thing with Jason Kash...''

''We all make mistakes, Lester.''

''Well, Tommy Knox isn't a mistake.'' Lester said, laughing to himself. ''I really can't see how that one could ever work out. I mean, look at you...''

Kaylyn couldn't help but blush. ''I appreciate it, Lester.''

''Kaylyn, I know it's been a tough few weeks but I really appreciate your patience with me. I know in between the loses inside the ring and all this drama with Johnny Rebel and Felipe DeLorean's Original Sindicate you have to be asking yourself if this was all worth it.''

''It is.'' Kaylyn said, grabbing his hand. ''You don't need to worry about me.''

''No, I owe you this. Tommy Knox treated you like shit and now I am have a grudge to settle on your behalf whether you like it or not.''

''Lester...'' Kaylyn Evans pleaded. '' I am a grown women; I can handle myself out there. I don't need you to fight my battles for me.''

''I guess that's the problem isn't it?'' Lester said, pulling away from Kaylyn James Evans. ''You don't want me to fight your battles but I stand here knowing that there is nothing I can do to keep you out of mine.''

''Lester...'' Kaylyn said, pleading with him...

''I'm sorry, Kaylyn.''

EPILOGUE

After logging over 36 hours, 25 minutes, and 45 seconds of gameplay on Grand Theft Auto 4: The Lost and damned, Lester Only was unable to beat the game citing that the lack of depth in the stories main character just wanted to kill himself over and over and over again. Wasted.

Dr. Madeen's studies concluded that Tommy Knox cannot, and I quote ''Get shit done'' - especially when he is required to do so himself. In her report, she cited ''Obi Wun Kenobi'' Niobe Martin as his biggest threat in the match confirming that she does indeed carry Mr. Knox's balls in her make up purse.

While Lexxi Swallows was unable to confirm the penis size of Tommy Knox; off camera she came to the conclusion that Lester Only's penis had to be bigger stating that it was the ''biggest fucking penis'' she had ever seen.

Meanwhile, Lester maintains that he did not have sex with that woman.

---

I must admit seeing your name opposite of mine is a welcome change. There is only so many times I can beat CJ Gates face in or participate in bullshit tag team matches before everything becomes stale. However, it's also a double edge sword I am going to stick into your abdomen because in the ring opposite of me is somewhere a guy like you simply does not belong.

I know there are people out there think I should probably tread softly, after all - you are the APW Overdrive champion! A title that has been held by several former undisputed champions proving to be the perfect stepping stone to thrust an inspiring up and comer into the spotlight! However, for every Terry Marvin there is a Mark Mania who ends up doing very little with it afterwards and you are no Terry Marvin. In fact, you aren't even Mark Mania.

Rather, your status as APW Overdrive champion speaks to the poor and fragile state of the APW as we know it. Evan Envi was ten times the champion you were and beats you on any night that isn't shockwave. Come on, Knox. Let's call it for what it is. Either, Evan Envi is just a REALLY sore loser or Evan Envi was simply looking for an out and not climbing to the top of fucking ladder fast enough was his out. I can tell you that if he had actually cared about losing to the likes of you, he would have been right back in the ring the following week trying to make up for it like any true champion or consummate professional would.

I know that first hand because unlike you I have actually BEEN there before.

In a way, your entire match with Evan Envi was poetic in nature. Are you a fan of Shakespeare? It was all so moving; how metaphoric it all was. A ladder and title hanging in the balance above you - where all you needed to do was reach up and grab it. Take it. Make it yours. A metaphor because no matter how many rungs Evan Envi seemed to climb that title always hung over his head like a black cloud; shit, he could've been making millions headlining with the likes of me if he wasn't so busy sticking his face up against the glass of the glass ceiling like an old filthy dog. What. A. Shame.

For you though, the beauty of your victory was lost upon me. Perhaps, I'm just too sophomoric to see it but I doubt it. In my eyes, all you did was climb to the tops of a ladder and retrieve a belt much to the aid of your underpaid whore/escort because god forbid you actually do something on your own for once. I felt like I should be impressed but I just couldn't find it in myself to evoke that emotion. I guess the most I can take away from that event was that once you climbed that ladder, seen heights you never seen before and finally retrieved the belt it was time to descend back down the ladder again where the reality of your situation finally hit you and the adrenaline wore off. Ouch.

I am not sure if it occurred to you that you'd soon have to defend that title nor that after my dismantling of CJ Gates he'd need to find something to do. Hell, I don't even think you accounted for Biggs who was going to need a new line of work once he beat your dear leader Michael Jennings in a... get this, a wrestling match! And unlike Evan Envi, these two aren't ready to simply phone it in. Indeed, you’re picking a fight with two of the more durable men in APW history and I guarantee if you step in the gauntlet with either of them that precious overdrive title isn't going home with you...

Though, at least your stripper is. And fair enough, it's not like we expect her to know any better.

Truth be told, I don't like either man but I'd sooner root against you than I'd cheer for them. I can't imagine how annoying it must be to feel the likes of you and your co horts nipping at my ankles with every step I took knowing that even stomping on you would give you the type of acknowledgment you don't even deserve. I mean, Johnny Rebel might be as annoying as hell but at least I know he can back up some of what he's saying -- unless, he decides to tread on the verge of ridiculous and claim he's actually going to beat me. The point is, he's a proven entity in this sport where as you are not.

The Black Hand Job might just be the worst stable in professional wrestling history. While I admire your brutality and I can't condemn any of you for your backstage attacks; the truth of the matter is, you're doing it ALL wrong! I mean, you have the mean streak part down pact but I don't think there's enough brain cells to rub together between the five of you to attend a comic con convention; never mind come up with any sort of cohesive long term plan beyond swinging steel chairs at people's limbs they later end up beating you with. At some point, you need to realize whatever it is you’re doing simply isn't working. Morons.

The reason why I give none of you any respect is because you all have ZERO follow through but I guess that's what happens when the head idiot in charge is Micheal Jennings. Can you PLEASE explain to me why your taking your orders from someone you've already held more APW titles than?

Tick, tok. Tick, Tok.

You're my kind of victim, Tommy - because unlike many of the men that have come before you, CJ Gates, Biggs... they never had a chance to make things right. You? You did. I don't know if it was a lack of confidence or what but The Sindicate as we once knew it could have used the extra muscle but how many times did YOU approach ME backstage? None. How many promos have YOU shot singing my praise? None. How many deals have we made? How many times have we shook hands? Tommy, at what point have we ever seen eye to eye?

... Now let's not repeat ourselves Amy Zing style.

At every point YOU were in control of your own fate and rather than sit down at the table with me and discuss how you could be beneficial to my career - you decided to join up with a bunch of misfits who are going to get you nowhere fast. The Black Hand may not be a threat to me at this juncture but I feel like it is something that must be controlled. And as a result of both your actions and inactions, I have no choice but to use you to send a message to the rest of your crew and it will be felt by every last one of them.

The difference between me and you is that I am a leader in its truest form - not a fucking toady or errand boy. You on the other hand, you strike me as the very definition of a sheep and how can that be debated? I've heard about your little stories about you and your little after school bicycle club and while the hangouts are grungy and the women are worn out and easy, it's the furthest thing from edgy even at the ridges of a cliff. I've never had to deal with one pathetic initiation process in my life because people look to me to lead them. They beg of me for my time. That's strength. Power.

Though to be fair, I'm sure the entire process for joining the Black Hand differed greatly from your little bicycle club. I'm sure your bicycle club actually had some standards. For starters, I'm sure you actually need to learn how to ride a bike. Heh. Opposed to the Black Hand where it isn't a requirement to actually know how to wrestle. Indeed wrestling seems like it's the last thing on your plate; backstage attacks with weapons in hand seems to be more your style and in that case, you’re better off going to your local gym and finding a few muscle men. Men like Leon Roberts and Micheal Jennings do not need gangs; they need to learn how to win wrestling matches consistently.

You know Tommy, I wish I could talk more about you but the truth is - you haven't given me nearly enough material to talk about. Your identity is blurred; hidden by whatever symbol your stable identifies with. How can I possibly talk about Tommy Knox without addressing the countless supporting actors in his tale? Impossible. Without those actors, there would be no show. You've never flown solo. You don't know what it's like to wade into the fire with nobody behind your back. I do. Ignorant that these imbeciles should slight me for my partnership with Terry Marvin as if they had forgotten the many years I sat at the top of the world, alone.

So, I reached down and pulled up some people up to sit beside me. The Synndicate.

The Synndicate is real and it is forever. I don't surround myself with people merely for a sense of belonging like you do; nor do I surround myself with a bunch of yes men like Michael Jennings who only assembled his stable for his own personal leverage in this god forsaken promotion. At one point, I could identify with you and your goals but then The Sindicate disbanded and I was forced to grow the fuck up.

It's time to grow up, Tommy.

On a personal note, I really do like those tattoos of yours. I find the art form... fascinating. I thought about getting a few myself throughout my lifetime but then again, I always found myself to be more of an artist than a canvas. You like art, don't you Knox? To me, tattoos are nothing more than a colorful scarring of the skin but to me; the scars I wear are far more beautiful. You don't get to choose its destination, you can't define its prominence and if you’re really lucky - a good dig into the skin means that it'll stick with you forever.

This Thursday, this artist is going to do what he does best. Tommy, I am going to mark your flesh and like those tattoos you wear; you'll come to embrace this scar all the same. This one will have a special meaning indeed.

I'd like to think of it as a pretty white dove with its wings spread wide signifying growth and a flight to brand new heights...

... with a trident embedded in it's skull.

This is your future.