Asylum 10/13 Feedback & Discussion

[biggs]

Hey guyzos and galzos,
Show is posted! Big thanks to Envi, The Shooter, Bailey, and TMarv for matches.

Thanks to TMarv, AJP (Envi), Sally, Shadow, Young Mannie, Kash, Reaver, Madison, The Shooter, Amy Zing, Bailey, & The Unforgiven for segs. If I missed anybody, please post below.

All feedback is welcome.

[Jace]

I had a segment betwen Unforgiven and NewGen didn't send it in before work I am going to post it on the house show. Sorry for dropping the ball. Also I helped write the segment / part where NewGen was on the ramp I don't know if that counts.

[SalTal]

Don't want to jump on the 'no feedback' bandwagon, so I will definitely leave some later tonight. Just a few things to do around here first.

But I've also missed getting a segment in- I'll blame time zone problems for it. Mannie and I will sort it out and probably post it on the House board, if not slip it into the results.

[Shadow]

I think that would also make an excellent addition to your ONiH roleplays. Im working on feedback.

[Peter Shelley]

FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD!

It's Peter Shelley feedback time because I said I'd do it last week and totally forgot. Get it while it's hot!

-That was the best intro to any TV show I've seen in years. Would've been nice to see more chamber participants involved but it did a much needed job of putting Shadow over as a legit beast which is exactly what you want going into a main event with a dominant champion. If Shadow can cut a white knuckle promo selling how for all of Aubrey's schemes, he still can outsmart her but then has the physical credentials to smash her to pieces then there's no reason why he can't shock us all at ONIH.

-I don't know who Tommy is but I'll assume he's a former partner to the group? It's important for closure to see that teams are on the same page. I wonder how it'll pan out for them in their tag match.

-Oh hey! I wrote this match! Minus Five Stars.

-Oh hey! I wrote this segment! Kill it with fire.

-Awh. I liked being on the Food Network. Jason Kash has to ruin everything.

-Oh hey! I wrote this match! And I won it! GO TEAM!

-Shadow is a ghoul! Give this man the title. I'm seriously a Shadow fan as the segments go by. Sally's great too but Shadow is the real star of this ep so far.

ignores Beckett as Stefan then takes the wire off from Nailz and places the chair on Nailz's neck and he elbow drops on his neck as he stomps away on the chair where Nailz's neck is and then he removed the carpet off from the floor removing the chair off from Nailz's neck and Stefan then picks Nailz up and does the Raabinator move to him and he stands up laughing at him because he knew that the damage is done

This paragraph is a train wreck. Consider proof reading to make sure things read like they make sense. It's the most important thing you can do.

-I like hype building segments.

-I know I'm banging on about Shadow but dude, ignore the fact that you lost because losses don't really matter until it comes to super important main events and sell the fact that whoever wrote this match loves you. You looked like an absolute wrecking machine and you should make a big deal out of it.

-Sally should also sell winning her go home match. Important things to talk about in your promo are last week, this week and next week.

-I get the importance of making everybody look somewhat good going into a match (although if you know how to talk shit in your promo's, you can always work a burying to your advantage) but this segment seems silly. Stealing the title and having Aubrey laid out once looked good but having Marvin steal the belt seems unnecessary. Marvin with his history should be at the point where he doesn't need to do something petty to get the title because he's so cocksure with all his wins and his Summer of Marvin moments that to him it's a mere waiting game. Young Mannie laying Aubrey out is fine but twice in one show when she's meant to have a match later seems excessive. If anything it should've been the other way around with Aubrey coming out to get her belt, Terry getting involved and the two brawling and Mannie out of desperation with his loss and his underdog status should've jacked the belt to give him some spotlight going into the show.

-Underdog disadvantage for the good guys. Smart booking. Nice to see Jennings get a win over a big name too.

-I don't get this. Are Dying Breed some kinda' mad hipsters or something?

-I don't understand the history of these characters so maybe that's my bad. I didn't get this segment.

-Sentinel is badass.

-Blade saved this segment. Knocking Aubrey out again rather than having security split them up or Aubrey high-tail it to save herself for the chamber would've been a blowy ending to build for the show but Blade annihilating both and getting his moment in at the tail end of the show means that now with the exception of Young Mannie (who I'm sure if he tries can trash talk his way out of it) everyone has something to sell and talk about. Terry can talk about flukes and how his 402 day legacy wasn't one, Aubrey can talk about toppling Titan Terry, Shadow can talk about being a wrecking machine and the “dark horse” in the match, Sally can talk about getting the W and being “people's champion” of the crowd, Blade can talk about standing tall over champion and challenger and Mannie? Well Mannie needs to sell that underdog hype something fierce.

I give this show a B grade overall.

And that's all the weather.

[Lord Raab]

I feel proof reading segments to me isn't that important compared to proof reading RP's. That's all I'm going to say but even when I proof read my RP's which I do everytime before I post the RP's on here I still have problems on making sense and readable for people to read and doesn't really solve my issues. It's just a problem I've always had since I've been here but now I found someone that will help me with that issue.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 14, 2013 10:55:12 GMT -4 Lord Raab said:

I feel proof reading segments to me isn't that important compared to proof reading RP's. That's all I'm going to say but even when I proof read my RP's which I do everytime before I post the RP's on here I still have problems on making sense and readable for people to read and doesn't really solve my issues. It's just a problem I've always had since I've been here but now I found someone that will help me with that issue.

Have you tried reading your work out loud and seeing how it comes across that way? That's how I sound out my sentences to make sure they have structure and a rhythm to it.

"ignores Beckett as Stefan then takes the wire off from Nailz and places the chair on Nailz's neck and he elbow drops on his neck as he stomps away on the chair where Nailz's neck is and then he removed the carpet off from the floor removing the chair off from Nailz's neck and Stefan then picks Nailz up and does the Raabinator move to him and he stands up laughing at him because he knew that the damage is done."

I would look at that and say "Well that's a really long sentence to read outloud in one go. I'd get out of breath. How can I break this up smaller and make it more coherent?"

"Stefan ignores Beckett's pleas for mercy on behalf of his commentator as he rips the wire off from Nailz and wraps the chair around his neck. Lifting his leg up slowly Stefan delivers a focused, sharp elbow drop right onto the seat, sandwiching the commentators windpipe between steel and more steel. Now a mangled mess, Nailz is helpless as Raab peels him out of the twisted steel neckbrace and just to add insult to injury hits him with The Raabinator, laughing at the beaten commentator as he lies helpessly on the floor."

Referring to it as The Raabinator Move seems redundant as we already know The Raabinator is a wrestling move through implication. If you break up the sentence rather than try to fit in as many words as possible, you'll find your stuff becomes of a much higher quality.

[Lord Raab]

In my RP's yes I do read aloud with all of my stuff and I still get that problem. I wasn't offended or taking it personally with what you said at all and I know it came across that way which I apologize for especially you are trying to help but I'm just saying to you and to everyone it's a problem that people have told me a lot which I had since I've been here and which I've been trying to improve on but I'm still struggling with that and it's because of my learning difficulty and I never learned anything about sentence structure when I was at school.

As I said I found someone on here that will help me of where to improve on that so it might work out better that way after I proof read my work and reading aloud so maybe in a few months I might get the hang of it.

[Shadow]

What are your thoughts on the match you we’re in: I know this match was storylined but I want to give a special thanks not just to the match writer, but to Sally and Mannie too. I enjoyed working with you'll this week. The match was well written. Good momentum build for Sally. Coupled with the segments of the night that triple threat made almost everyone in the chamber look strong. And the after match drop on Aubrey J Parker just continued her punishment. Having a recently crowned Heel champ get taken down a peg throughout a whole show just before the PPV burns them. It reignites their heat. Having the faces stand strong obviously gets the crowd pumped. With all the rub given toward Sally throughout the past months also multiplies Mannie's heat too. Everyone should have something to work with.

What was your favorite match on the card: Tough call between the Main Event and the triple threat. Both writers produce excellent results and the matches looked great. Both also plugged One Night in Hell too. I think I will lean toward the Main Event. The end of the Main Event,

Favorite Segment:  The doubled up segments /TDB-NewGen followed immediately by the Unforgiven segment  I chose this because it was perfectly placed.  It was right before their match but it was also a huge ONiH plug because it was all three teams in the tag title match.  Just really clicked IMO.  I also very much enjoy the Unforgiven's work.  The handler puts forth a good deal of effort and really sells those characters so it made the post end on a strong note opening with the faces and closing with the heels.

Favorite moment in the show:  Tough choice but Im going to say the stealing of the title.  I don't know how many people remember but AJP and Shadow were involved in this right before ONiH last year and with the way things went over the past two weeks Im glad it came together the way it did.  It sucks we didnt' see Mannie snag the bely from Sally but put that in your roleplays guys.  Tie it altogether. 

Who was the show’s MVP: Parker for taking an ass kicking all night.  After ending a streak like Terry Marvin's one would expect the champ to be riding Cloud 9 throughout the whole show, toting on about how they did the impossible.  Instead this the complete opposite, AJP got her ass handed to her.  While some could see this as momentum killing it's actually not.  Dethroning Terry Marvin was instant heat, even with everything AJP took on Asylum, it didn't make her look weak at all.  In fact it gives her a great angle to work with her RPs.

Additional comments: I thought Blade was a face? The crowd popped last week. Just because he jumped Terry Marvin, doesn't mean he's a heel.  Maybe China doesn't like Blade. 

I liked the Peter Shelley segment.  It was a good to introduce the character and it was interesting to play the name game with Cindy Shannon.  And we obviously have another perv.  Chuckled that after mentioning real competition, he only talked about females.  I didn't rank this one as my favorite segment but it was up there. 
--------------PS- Shelley, thanks for the love.  I know Shadow's contribution to the opening was a Hail Mary and I'm glad it didn't come off as over the top impossible. 

I haven't touched on War Games competitors.  Tonight it  started with a Black Hand tag victory, followed by Gates pulling out the win and ending with Michael Jennings defeating Biggs.
Lets look at how this sets up ONiH.  So far the faces are the underdogs in this.  And while all that is interesting, I still see no "reason" to win other than to win.  Is the whole fight for GM over with?  I wonder if something more should be at stake between these two teams than just a feud ending.  The match is called War Games for a reason.  What is your reason for going to war.  What is your motivation?  Will it get Raab off Asylum and on Overdrive with his faction etc.  BE thinking about that.  Put some spin on this.

Great job to everyone I thought this was a damn good go home show.

[Evan De Parker]

ASYLUM!

Alright, so let me start off by saying... I really do like that Amy Zing was involved in this show, and I thought it was more than fitting. However, without the rest of the North American Championship ONIH competitors there, I feel that this wasn't the greatest or most impactful segment to open the show. Making Amy the "guest host" of the show was a nice touch and gave the placement of the segment a bit more meaning, however. Nice to see the champs get some airtime.

Fun working on the opening segment with Terry and Shadow. Hope it was enjoyed! I wish we could've gotten everybody involved, but time got away from us, and timezones are a beach.

I want to note, first of all, that I loved the Madison/Martin segment. Continuity is always good, and the Black Hand has a story that I can really follow right now-- at least in terms of the shows. I don't like that the segment was written in past-tense, simply because it wasn't uniform with the rest of the show, but it's something I can easily get past. The content was great. I love that the Black Hand seems to be slowly focusing their crosshairs on President Jeff. Maybe it'll lead to Jeff vs Madison and/or Martin? It'd be cool to see BH pull the Prez out of retirement before Rasslemania. With their apparent lack of direction lately, Black Hand could really use a rub like that, and Madison is the perfect character to step up as the leader in Tommy's absence.

After this, they got a HUGE win over Foul Play in a decent little match. I'm a huge Madison mark around these boards, so it's always nice to see him and Niobe (who I know can be a big player one day if she focuses) gaining momentum. It was also nice to see the truly ruthless side of Madison in this match. It's something that comes into play every now and again, and keeps Madison looking like a beast, whether he wins or loses... But him picking up constant wins is definitely a bonus.

Peter Shelley is one of the best characters I've seen on Asylum since the Guv'Nor. The inclusion of his son, his use of Cindy Shannon as more than a mindless interviewer (which a few people have actually begun to do lately-- lol good for Cindy!) and his overall charisma makes for a great character, and a great contender for the Tap-Out Championship, if you ask me. His dialogue is very smart, but absurd enough to play the perfect comedic heel-- but I could see him making the switch to "serious threat" at the drop of a hat. Expect Peter Shelley to be wearing gold before Christmas.

Cool segment by Kash to announce that Asylum would be moving from the "FOOD Network." I loved the obscure setting and apparent niche market of Asylum, but I think it has evolved into something much bigger since Rasslemania 2013, and moving to a major network is realistic. Anyway, nice little press conference segment. Makes me wonder, though... how long is Kash gonna be GM? I like that the battle for ownership has taken a bit of a break throughout this PPV cycle and focused on the action, but I see this planting the seeds for some sort of change after ONIH.

Nice, classic summarized triple threat match showcasing the newbies. Great win for Shelley. For the record, this is how summarized results should be written. Aside from some coding errors that are too common on the new boards to fault anyone for, this was solid.

Sally seemed a little different from usual in the Shadow/Sally segment. I always imagined Talfourd to be a bit more "coy" than she was portrayed here. Shadow seemed to be able to unnerve her quite easily. Regardless, this served its purpose of building toward the triple threat match later and the ONIH Chamber match.

Raab vs Gates happened and it did a splendid job at making Raab look like a real threat against Gates, which I feel is important going into the War Games match. Gates picks up a win at the end, and the series is tied. Raab got over afterward though with his attack on Nailz, but the post-match rant was a bit much. It was a lot to read and stay focused on... the content was good, but could've been structured a little better. I don't have the energy to provide a detailed example right now, but OVERALL, this was very good for what it was. I'm glad to see that Raab is remaining relevant. The character really doesn't need a title to be big.

Quick backstage segment with Foul Play and the Space Cowboys. Even in its briefness, all 4 of their personalities got over here. I loved that. I also dug the continuity with Amy Zing continuing to play "guest host" to her hometown crowd here. I'm loving this little role Amy has settled into over the past year as the reliable babyface. She's the Kofi Kingston of APW.

Shadow vs Sally vs Mannie is next, and I hope everyone enjoyed it. In retrospect, I meant to write Terry as a lot more conflicted when taking the belt, since I knew the whole time that he didn't "need" it, but was simply taking it because he could. That didn't translate well in my writing; I guess I kind of spaced when writing the post-match. Sorry for that. Also-- the plan was for Mannie to take the title from Sally backstage before the match, but with the amount of "unaired segments" that popped up after Asylum, this could be chalked up as another one of them. Haha, a whole "webisode" could be made out of all the segments that didn't get aired on this Asylum.

Biggs continues to put the up-and-comers over. The match was a good read. Very formulatic. Not much to comment on here, but I'm glad the "underdogs" walked away 2-1 tonight heading into the War Games match at ONIH. I was a little annoyed when I saw what looked to be ANOTHER Biggs beatdown at the end, but instead, having it end in a standoff was a great way to build leading into the PPV.

NewGen and Dying Breed get more entertaining every week, somehow. I LOVE how the Dying Breed are coming off as harmlessly pretentious in their segments, and NewGen are just slowly losing their patience with them. It doesn't make Dying Breed come off as heelish, but I think it allows them to tap into/poke fun at the way they've been portrayed the past few months anyway, as I said on Overdrive, "holier than thou." The reason it works for them as faces is because (at least in Bailey's case) the characters don't realize they're doing it, and they don't seem to mean any malice. NewGen's reactions are priceless, and the tension is building wonderfully. I love that it lead right into the Unforgiven segment. Shane's a great writer and working with him, even in the briefest of capacities, has been a treat over these past few months. I can't wait to see where things head.

The 8 man tag was brilliantly done. I know Bailey had to "rush" through it, but for an Asylum match, I don't think much more could've been asked of a writer. The involvement of the NPCs throughout the match and post-match was also good. I didn't expect to see WDW return, but he's a great equalizer against Tyler Harrison, and NewGen Rising has more momentum than ever heading into this. I don't think they made a heel turn on this Asylum, but they definitely presented themselves as antiheroes-- a nice contrast to the babyfaces of TDB and the uber-heels of Unforgiven. Heading into this Tag Title match, I can honestly say, I believe anything can happen.

More Amy Zing FOLLOWED BY an amazing Undisputed Title match. I love how Terry wrote this, and both characters came off looking very strong heading into ONIH. Some folk may be disappointed with a DQ finish, but Parker v Marvin III may have been a bit much for free TV anyway. The ending with Blade's insertion into the picture was great. I was a little confused as to why he was being booed. Yeah, Marv is a babyface now, but I think Blade would've been given a free pass by the fans since he's been gone for nearly a year and a half. Either way, solid ending.

Overall, I'd rate this show an 8/10. I was alarmed at the amount of segments that were left out (aside from the 3 that were posted in the House Show board, I know of at least 1 other that wasn't utilized) but now that I read this show all-the-way through, it was PACKED with segments, and all of them served a purpose. Good sendoff. Looking forward to One Night in Hell.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 14, 2013 20:11:54 GMT -4 Evan De Parker said:

Peter Shelley is one of the best characters I've seen on Asylum since the Guv'Nor. The inclusion of his son, his use of Cindy Shannon as more than a mindless interviewer (which a few people have actually begun to do lately-- lol good for Cindy!) and his overall charisma makes for a great character, and a great contender for the Tap-Out Championship, if you ask me. His dialogue is very smart, but absurd enough to play the perfect comedic heel-- but I could see him making the switch to "serious threat" at the drop of a hat. Expect Peter Shelley to be wearing gold before Christmas.

Nice, classic summarized triple threat match showcasing the newbies. Great win for Shelley. For the record, this is how summarized results should be written. Aside from some coding errors that are too common on the new boards to fault anyone for, this was solid.






While I certainly wouldn't object to Shelley becoming slightly more capable of winning a match and getting offence in, the day he starts winning matches clean or becoming a "serious, dangerous heel" is the day I start throwing shoes at people. Shelley is not Randy Orton, he is not Batista, he is not Vegan heel era Daniel Bryan, he is like The Miz when he was WWE champion or JBL when he was WWE champion. They held the belt for a long ass time but you knew they shouldn't really be the champion. They were always scraping by the skin of their teeth and finding new ways to hold on a little longer before a real wrestler comes along and pummels them for it.

Underhanded tactics and smarter games are ALWAYS going to be a staple of the Shelley character and something that should be prevalent in most heels because when a heel goes over, you want to make the face look great and give them something to talk about next time. Simply having the W by any means necessary is enough for me to cut a promo and supercharge Shelley even if the character looks like an absolute bitch in the match. Even losing I can deal with because if I get completely buried in the match I can say "Oh well that guy was a psycho who had no place being in the ring. He's not an athlete, he's a savage" etc. or wilfully disregard it as another loss because week by week losses don't matter in wrestling.

The only time I want to be burying people and looking strong is either A) through my trash talking when I make other characters look stupid with cutting words of justice, B) through sneak attacks with a weapon and even then he'll probably run away as soon as EMT's or other wrestlers show up on the scene or C) in a deeply personal grudge match in which Shelley is actually the furious victim and not the instigator, something has him so rattled that he feels the need to man up and beat the hell out of someone because he's livid but I rarely see this being the case.

Apart from that, I appreciate the compliments but with such a stacked roster and such solid champions? I think that the christmas claim is bold to say the least but thanks for putting that unnecessary pressure on me. Jerk.

[Evan De Parker]

Crack under it. CRACK.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 14, 2013 21:57:14 GMT -4 Evan De Parker said:

Crack under it. CRACK.

Crack under it? What're you a bridge in East New York or somethin'? TSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Home run Shelleyson.

[Evan De Parker]

Archibald, you slay me. You have 'til Kwanzaa.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 14, 2013 22:09:12 GMT -4 Evan De Parker said:

Archibald, you slay me. You have 'til Kwanzaa.

Hanukkah, you silly goose.

[Anthony Bailey]

Oct 14, 2013 20:11:54 GMT -4 Evan De Parker said:

ASYLUM!

Alright, so let me start off by saying... I really do like that Amy Zing was involved in this show, and I thought it was more than fitting. However, without the rest of the North American Championship ONIH competitors there, I feel that this wasn't the greatest or most impactful segment to open the show. Making Amy the "guest host" of the show was a nice touch and gave the placement of the segment a bit more meaning, however. Nice to see the champs get some airtime.

Fun working on the opening segment with Terry and Shadow. Hope it was enjoyed! I wish we could've gotten everybody involved, but time got away from us, and timezones are a beach.

I want to note, first of all, that I loved the Madison/Martin segment. Continuity is always good, and the Black Hand has a story that I can really follow right now-- at least in terms of the shows. I don't like that the segment was written in past-tense, simply because it wasn't uniform with the rest of the show, but it's something I can easily get past. The content was great. I love that the Black Hand seems to be slowly focusing their crosshairs on President Jeff. Maybe it'll lead to Jeff vs Madison and/or Martin? It'd be cool to see BH pull the Prez out of retirement before Rasslemania. With their apparent lack of direction lately, Black Hand could really use a rub like that, and Madison is the perfect character to step up as the leader in Tommy's absence.

After this, they got a HUGE win over Foul Play in a decent little match. I'm a huge Madison mark around these boards, so it's always nice to see him and Niobe (who I know can be a big player one day if she focuses) gaining momentum. It was also nice to see the truly ruthless side of Madison in this match. It's something that comes into play every now and again, and keeps Madison looking like a beast, whether he wins or loses... But him picking up constant wins is definitely a bonus.

Peter Shelley is one of the best characters I've seen on Asylum since the Guv'Nor. The inclusion of his son, his use of Cindy Shannon as more than a mindless interviewer (which a few people have actually begun to do lately-- lol good for Cindy!) and his overall charisma makes for a great character, and a great contender for the Tap-Out Championship, if you ask me. His dialogue is very smart, but absurd enough to play the perfect comedic heel-- but I could see him making the switch to "serious threat" at the drop of a hat. Expect Peter Shelley to be wearing gold before Christmas.

Cool segment by Kash to announce that Asylum would be moving from the "FOOD Network." I loved the obscure setting and apparent niche market of Asylum, but I think it has evolved into something much bigger since Rasslemania 2013, and moving to a major network is realistic. Anyway, nice little press conference segment. Makes me wonder, though... how long is Kash gonna be GM? I like that the battle for ownership has taken a bit of a break throughout this PPV cycle and focused on the action, but I see this planting the seeds for some sort of change after ONIH.

Nice, classic summarized triple threat match showcasing the newbies. Great win for Shelley. For the record, this is how summarized results should be written. Aside from some coding errors that are too common on the new boards to fault anyone for, this was solid.

Sally seemed a little different from usual in the Shadow/Sally segment. I always imagined Talfourd to be a bit more "coy" than she was portrayed here. Shadow seemed to be able to unnerve her quite easily. Regardless, this served its purpose of building toward the triple threat match later and the ONIH Chamber match.

Raab vs Gates happened and it did a splendid job at making Raab look like a real threat against Gates, which I feel is important going into the War Games match. Gates picks up a win at the end, and the series is tied. Raab got over afterward though with his attack on Nailz, but the post-match rant was a bit much. It was a lot to read and stay focused on... the content was good, but could've been structured a little better. I don't have the energy to provide a detailed example right now, but OVERALL, this was very good for what it was. I'm glad to see that Raab is remaining relevant. The character really doesn't need a title to be big.

Quick backstage segment with Foul Play and the Space Cowboys. Even in its briefness, all 4 of their personalities got over here. I loved that. I also dug the continuity with Amy Zing continuing to play "guest host" to her hometown crowd here. I'm loving this little role Amy has settled into over the past year as the reliable babyface. She's the Kofi Kingston of APW.

Shadow vs Sally vs Mannie is next, and I hope everyone enjoyed it. In retrospect, I meant to write Terry as a lot more conflicted when taking the belt, since I knew the whole time that he didn't "need" it, but was simply taking it because he could. That didn't translate well in my writing; I guess I kind of spaced when writing the post-match. Sorry for that. Also-- the plan was for Mannie to take the title from Sally backstage before the match, but with the amount of "unaired segments" that popped up after Asylum, this could be chalked up as another one of them. Haha, a whole "webisode" could be made out of all the segments that didn't get aired on this Asylum.

Biggs continues to put the up-and-comers over. The match was a good read. Very formulatic. Not much to comment on here, but I'm glad the "underdogs" walked away 2-1 tonight heading into the War Games match at ONIH. I was a little annoyed when I saw what looked to be ANOTHER Biggs beatdown at the end, but instead, having it end in a standoff was a great way to build leading into the PPV.

NewGen and Dying Breed get more entertaining every week, somehow. I LOVE how the Dying Breed are coming off as harmlessly pretentious in their segments, and NewGen are just slowly losing their patience with them. It doesn't make Dying Breed come off as heelish, but I think it allows them to tap into/poke fun at the way they've been portrayed the past few months anyway, as I said on Overdrive, "holier than thou." The reason it works for them as faces is because (at least in Bailey's case) the characters don't realize they're doing it, and they don't seem to mean any malice. NewGen's reactions are priceless, and the tension is building wonderfully. I love that it lead right into the Unforgiven segment. Shane's a great writer and working with him, even in the briefest of capacities, has been a treat over these past few months. I can't wait to see where things head.

The 8 man tag was brilliantly done. I know Bailey had to "rush" through it, but for an Asylum match, I don't think much more could've been asked of a writer. The involvement of the NPCs throughout the match and post-match was also good. I didn't expect to see WDW return, but he's a great equalizer against Tyler Harrison, and NewGen Rising has more momentum than ever heading into this. I don't think they made a heel turn on this Asylum, but they definitely presented themselves as antiheroes-- a nice contrast to the babyfaces of TDB and the uber-heels of Unforgiven. Heading into this Tag Title match, I can honestly say, I believe anything can happen.

More Amy Zing FOLLOWED BY an amazing Undisputed Title match. I love how Terry wrote this, and both characters came off looking very strong heading into ONIH. Some folk may be disappointed with a DQ finish, but Parker v Marvin III may have been a bit much for free TV anyway. The ending with Blade's insertion into the picture was great. I was a little confused as to why he was being booed. Yeah, Marv is a babyface now, but I think Blade would've been given a free pass by the fans since he's been gone for nearly a year and a half. Either way, solid ending.

Overall, I'd rate this show an 8/10. I was alarmed at the amount of segments that were left out (aside from the 3 that were posted in the House Show board, I know of at least 1 other that wasn't utilized) but now that I read this show all-the-way through, it was PACKED with segments, and all of them served a purpose. Good sendoff. Looking forward to One Night in Hell.

Thanks bro. This was the first match I have written in quite some time and given my procrastination, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

[Lord Raab]

I realized that I wrote way too much in the segment but I had to because I haven't RPed or done a segment in almost two months and I needed to involve the war games match along with what's happening on Asylum but I guess structure is important in segments as well as in RP's which I will try to do in my ONIH segment I got planned.

[Jason Cashe]

I agree with Shelley being a good addition to the roster, strong writer and will only improve as he gets more comfortable. Different levels of talent in every direction, gotta love that!

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 14, 2013 1:28:10 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Don't want to jump on the 'no feedback' bandwagon, so I will definitely leave some later tonight. Just a few things to do around here first.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 16, 2013 15:24:41 GMT -4 Jason Cashe said:

I agree with Shelley being a good addition to the roster, strong writer and will only improve as he gets more comfortable. Different levels of talent in every direction, gotta love that!

[SalTal]

Oct 16, 2013 16:15:52 GMT -4 Peter Shelley said:

Oct 14, 2013 1:28:10 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Don't want to jump on the 'no feedback' bandwagon, so I will definitely leave some later tonight. Just a few things to do around here first.

Well this totally motivate me to leave some feedback now.

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 16, 2013 17:12:24 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Oct 16, 2013 16:15:52 GMT -4 Peter Shelley said:

Well this totally motivate me to leave some feedback now.

Don't be like that. I was goofing. I did the exact same thing last week. I didn't mean any disrespect.

[SalTal]

I was being the serious. It'll go up tonight.

Check in a month later ...

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 16, 2013 20:43:22 GMT -4 SalTal said:

I was being the serious. It'll go up tonight.

Check in a month later ...

I'll be hanging on to your every word.

[Reaver]

Oct 16, 2013 21:17:32 GMT -4 Peter Shelley said:

Oct 16, 2013 20:43:22 GMT -4 SalTal said:

I was being the serious. It'll go up tonight.

Check in a month later ...

I'll be hanging on to your every word. #brandenharvey

fixed

[Peter Shelley]

Oct 16, 2013 21:44:29 GMT -4 Reaver said:

Oct 16, 2013 21:17:32 GMT -4 Peter Shelley said:

I'll be hanging on to your every word. #brandenharvey

fixed

Care to explain the joke?

[Reaver]

lol ill let sally do that

[SalTal]

Oct 17, 2013 0:09:50 GMT -4 Reaver said:

lol ill let sally do that

I'll do it the quickest I can:

Think about how much of a creeper Reaver is, then half that.

That's Brandon Harvey (former member, occasional lurker).

[SalTal]

Feedback:

First up, there should be a segment of belt going from Sally to Mannie. As I said, time zone problems made that next to impossible. Just, for future reference with someone trying to put something together with me: The show's RP deadline ends at an awkward time for me, and then the deadline for segments ends Monday while I'm getting to work. It's next to impossible for me to work on anything between RP deadline and the segment deadline. I guess what I'm saying is: Start things early, not late, in this situation.

Anyway, onto the show.

Amy Zing opens the show. All honesty? I'd have actually had that segment in actual Chinese. Screw the translation - it's a heightened sense of realism, as far as I'm concerned. I liked the segment - it was clearly meant to be a nod to the locals, and not integral to the storylines going on. That's why I think the translation would have been better left out. Same applies to her appearances throughout.

Mind you, I'm also happy for that because I'd be able to read it.

AJP-TMarv will be feud of the year. I've not seen any two people work better together in what has been a great run all year. TMarv and L1 was great, but there's just this fluidity between the two. There's writing styles just gel and segments like these (and the whole storyline) just runs on its own legs.

Shadow's appearance between the two big players on Asylum was a welcome sight. I liked it because of the difference - Shadow has been growing, getting his footing, and here's a new face in amongst the old (at least in this context). It's refreshing, and that's what ppvs and matches like this should be about. I was wondering how face would manage to interact with AJP ... I'm not 100% sold on the attack, but I can live with it.

President Jeff becoming the target yet again. I wouldn't begrudge anyone looking for a good storyline to run with that. I just feel though that the Jeff storyline will need a break after this. Niobe and Chris - definitely continue with it. It's not a slight on you, at all. It's an observation about Asylum, is all. Happy to see a legit tag team forming and getting some attention. Will be interested to see how they fare (and what they do) with very limited opposition and tag team options here.

Foul Play is still alive? I thought they were taken care of last week ... haha. Good match, well written. Good action. Might be a controversial statement, but the right team won in terms of storyline (I'm not an RP judge, I'm just saying for storyline purposes). Niobe and Chris had more to gain from this match, I feel. Gives them a real boost in a busy part of the year. Kash and Reaver are, well, Kash and Reaver. Storyline-wise, they don't get hurt at all. I credit the writer for this as much as anyone.

Great writing by Shelley in his promo. A tad long for my tastes (my preference for short and quick segments, or action-driven, is well documented), but it was really well conveyed and had me interested. Mainly because the character irked me. I was legitimately agitated by some of the comments, which means it was successful. I liked the 'building' feel of this as well. Makes me want to keep an eye out for Shelley in the future.

Situational gripe here: Kash just lost a match with Reaver and they're now back out to sell the ppv. The vibe just didn't seem to be appropriate.

Peter Shelley gets a convincing win, and it helps keep him on a role from that segment. I liked the writing style for this match - I think it was someone new since I left. Good story told through it. Credit to the writer.

Onto CJ and Raab. You know, I liked the premise of this match. I think there could be a bigger story to tell here. If you two are doing nothing, go feud. Another well-written match. The action was consistent and suited the attitudes that both these characters carry into their matches each week. The are both reasonably aggressive and action-based. No drawn-out wrestling, just straight to it.

The follow-up segment by Raab ... again, too long for my liking. Say what needs to be said, then get on with it. If you keep it short, it stick to the point. This one didn't seem to have a focus. It was too broad, searching for something.

An example of that was the very next segment. An exchange between four people ad not more than 100 words. It might not be a show stealer segment, but it was purposeful and continued their storyline by keeping everyone involved in the minds of the reader/audience. That's all a segment needs to be sometimes.

Envi, the match you wrote: Perfect for any occasion. The fact that you spoke to us before hand allowed for that. That's some advice to everyone out there: Communicate with your match writers/handlers you're writing for. It helps make matches become perfectly suited and fitted to the storylines unfolding.

The Biggs-Jennings match ... it felt like it could be a ppv match. I mean, the build up I'm unfamiliar with, so I'm not referring to that. But the general feel of it just seems to lend itself to a bigger platform. Result sets up for a great showdown at the ppv, which adds to the match. So too did the actions afterwards. Writing here was good. Credit all round.

Wow, Jair and AB. I'm ashamed to say that I'd totally forgot about them at this point. It seems that Asylum has grown, and grown strong. There was a time where there was three, four 'big names' that would just dominate the show, even in anticipation. Now, there's real competition for a big place on the show. That means a healthy show and a healthy roster. Good segment. Again, short and to the point. Direct and meaningful.

Unfortunately the next segment went over me because I'm not caught up enough to know what's happening in it. That's my fault, not anyone involved.

Great match after this. It's always hard balancing a 3v3 match, even at the best of times. I thought it was balanced enough to get everyone centre-stage and get something out of it, moving forward. Disappointing Bailey got the pin, but that's only because I'm an AB mark. Though I marked out when William D. Williams made his appearance. Can't say I don't like a walk down nostalgia lane.

The rematch everyone was waiting for, and it was just as good as any other time AJP and TMarv have been around. Wonderfully written, with some nice sentiments weaved in. I think the method of victory really helps stitch it all up and set that tone for AJP's reign (no matter the length). I would agree with the commentators as well through this, which means the writer was right on the money there.

Overall, a very strong show to lead into ONiH. Exactly what the roster and the ppv needs prior to the big main event that is Asylum's.

[Jason Cashe]

Oct 17, 2013 6:04:22 GMT -4 SalTal said:

Oct 17, 2013 0:09:50 GMT -4 Reaver said:

lol ill let sally do that

I'll do it the quickest I can:

Think about how much of a creeper Reaver is, then half that.

That's Brandon Harvey (former member, occasional lurker).

HAHAHAHA!!! Ms. Sally for the TOUCHDOWN! BURRRN!