Post by Evan De Parker on Oct 29, 2013 23:46:21 GMT -4
Posted on ActionPackedWrestling.Com
Author: Shane West
Good evening, Action Packed Faithful!
According to our closest sources-- most notably TMZ-- a massive search, along with a welfare check has been issued for the wellbeing and "preservation" (in the words of one APW Undisputed Champion, Aubrey J. Parker, who partially funded the search) of Action Packed Wrestling Megastar, and popular competitor, Mr. Dangerous.
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO:
We cut to the somewhat surprised expression of President Jeff who is trying his best to hold a popsicle out of frame, though his lips and tongue are dyed a deep share of blue.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Who knows how long he's been gone, really? Sometimes, he's just kinda here. We pay him, regularly, because he's like... a tenth of our entire merchandise market... But no, I mean, he goes missing from time to time, but now he just kinda fell off the grid," President Jeff comments.
We cut away to Aubrey J. Parker who stands in front of the camera, just moments removed from her Undisputed Championship match from APW's One Night in Hell.
"This sucks. He was supposed to dress up in a hockey mask and be my co-conspirator at One Night in Hell, but then he was liiiike, sending me these really cryptic text messages like.. Hey, Aubs, can you feed my dogs? And I was l-- what?"
Aubrey looks at somebody off-camera and raises an eyebrow as they yell something at her from out of range.
"Okay, so you know where I was going with th--?"
"..."
"...Alright, so we... alright... so for th... okay..."
Aubrey winces as the producer screams at her.
"WOW. So for the record, Chris Benoit jokes are still not okay?"
We quickly cut away from the Undisputed Champion, and to the face of Shane West.
"If you have any information on the whereabouts of Mr. Dangerous, please call us at 1-800-DANGEROUS. And if you've been feeling lost, or... well... if you've been having unsavory thoughts due to the disappearance of Mr. Dangerous, please call our support hotline... at 1-800-SHANEWEST. Again, that's--"
"Those aren't real numbers."
"Excuse me?"
"Try dialing those numbers."
We abruptly cut away from this scene as well and back to Aubrey J. Parker, though she is now standing next to one of Action Packed Wrestling's producers... a large, Hispanic man who glares at her through folded arms. Parker frowns and turns to look directly into the camera.
"Sorry!"
We cut back to Shane West.
"We don't actually have any hotlines for you. Umm... You should call the police if you see Mr. Dangerous. That is his legal name."
We cut back to Aubrey J. Parker.
"Doesn't matter. Jerry Matthews was gonna kill him after the match anyway."
We skip forward in the film.
"That-- that wasn't a confession. We didn't conspire to kill anyone. I didn't kill anyone. I mean... neither did Jerry! And if he did, I didn't know anything abou--"
END VIDEO
If you have any information on the whereabouts of Dangerous, Mr. please call and inform 1-800-BIG-MEAT. Thank you for your cooperation.
-Shane West
Author: Shane West
Good evening, Action Packed Faithful!
According to our closest sources-- most notably TMZ-- a massive search, along with a welfare check has been issued for the wellbeing and "preservation" (in the words of one APW Undisputed Champion, Aubrey J. Parker, who partially funded the search) of Action Packed Wrestling Megastar, and popular competitor, Mr. Dangerous.
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO:
We cut to the somewhat surprised expression of President Jeff who is trying his best to hold a popsicle out of frame, though his lips and tongue are dyed a deep share of blue.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Who knows how long he's been gone, really? Sometimes, he's just kinda here. We pay him, regularly, because he's like... a tenth of our entire merchandise market... But no, I mean, he goes missing from time to time, but now he just kinda fell off the grid," President Jeff comments.
We cut away to Aubrey J. Parker who stands in front of the camera, just moments removed from her Undisputed Championship match from APW's One Night in Hell.
"This sucks. He was supposed to dress up in a hockey mask and be my co-conspirator at One Night in Hell, but then he was liiiike, sending me these really cryptic text messages like.. Hey, Aubs, can you feed my dogs? And I was l-- what?"
Aubrey looks at somebody off-camera and raises an eyebrow as they yell something at her from out of range.
"Okay, so you know where I was going with th--?"
"..."
"...Alright, so we... alright... so for th... okay..."
Aubrey winces as the producer screams at her.
"WOW. So for the record, Chris Benoit jokes are still not okay?"
We quickly cut away from the Undisputed Champion, and to the face of Shane West.
"If you have any information on the whereabouts of Mr. Dangerous, please call us at 1-800-DANGEROUS. And if you've been feeling lost, or... well... if you've been having unsavory thoughts due to the disappearance of Mr. Dangerous, please call our support hotline... at 1-800-SHANEWEST. Again, that's--"
"Those aren't real numbers."
"Excuse me?"
"Try dialing those numbers."
We abruptly cut away from this scene as well and back to Aubrey J. Parker, though she is now standing next to one of Action Packed Wrestling's producers... a large, Hispanic man who glares at her through folded arms. Parker frowns and turns to look directly into the camera.
"Sorry!"
We cut back to Shane West.
"We don't actually have any hotlines for you. Umm... You should call the police if you see Mr. Dangerous. That is his legal name."
We cut back to Aubrey J. Parker.
"Doesn't matter. Jerry Matthews was gonna kill him after the match anyway."
We skip forward in the film.
"That-- that wasn't a confession. We didn't conspire to kill anyone. I didn't kill anyone. I mean... neither did Jerry! And if he did, I didn't know anything abou--"
END VIDEO
If you have any information on the whereabouts of Dangerous, Mr. please call and inform 1-800-BIG-MEAT. Thank you for your cooperation.
-Shane West
