Post by Chaos Stryke on Jan 17, 2014 3:55:42 GMT -4
It’s been months since I was last here. I’ve been closed off from the world, as events required that I retreat within and hopefully recover.
On July 19th, my career was rocked by the revelation that I’d had a severe concussion, suffered two months prior, and aggravated during an exceptionally brutal run on my way to and at Test for the Best. I had to step back from active competition or risk further, possibly irreparable, harm to myself and possibly others with my… increasingly erratic behaviour.
A few weeks later, I was sitting on the sidelines, watching as my Tapout title reign was ended by someone without even a tenth of my wrestling skill, even if he calls himself ‘great’. My chances of rising to the top of APW slipped away due to my injury. Then once I’d walked out the door… there wasn’t one word of thanks or condolence extended by anyone affiliated with APW. Much like during my time competing, I was lost in the shuffle and unacknowledged.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I’d been at odds with management since day one. No one expected or wanted me to succeed here. I was always the forgotten competitor. When big events were planned, I was always glossed over. When someone realized I’d been missed on the first pass, I’d have to overcome tougher challenges than the others had to get where they were. To get my first chances at the North American and Tapout championships I had to win four-way matches when everyone else involved had won one-on-one matches or were picked by the GM.
Once I had success after jumping through those hurdles… those in charge either picked a successor and helped them try to beat me, or they tried to hold me back in other ways. Look at my North American title reign with all the interference and in Test for the Best where Aubrey and I were booked against one another, and again against Christian Kane too, robbing us of a fair opportunity.
At least Aubrey made the most of it. She got to the top. She deserved it. I was and am proud of her for what she accomplished. It’s almost vindication for what we went through together… Almost.
Recently though… I’ve been fairly content at home in Toronto. I’m unsure about my future in this business. I have nothing waiting for me although my name travels the rumour mills. People wonder if I might return. I don’t know… there’s only so much your heart can take. This business has punished me through the years. You ask yourself if it’s worth it. I have no answer now… so I fill my time with family, friends, and students.
In the midst of that came an unexpected call. It was Evan Envi.
He and I go back six and a half years. I was there when he debuted. I was the first person he ever beat. We tore the house down with four matches in his first three months. Now he’s one of the greats. We’ve been friends, enemies, partners, rivals… Heck… at one point there was a chance of us being family. Whether he was Heir or Harrison or Envi, there’s a lot that has tied us together over those years, for better or worse.
Needless to say, his call piqued my interest. Whether it was to talk or to curse me out, hearing from him wasn’t a bore.
He had a proposition for me. One… more… match.
I said no thanks. He went quiet. I hung up.
He tried again the next day giving me all the details. We would team up and issue an open challenge for APW’s Survive and Conquer pay-per-view.
I couldn’t say no outright, this required consideration. I was feeling better physically, but mentally… I wasn’t sure. Doubts, concerns, and fears needed to be addressed. I didn’t know if I could handle it, but I knew we could be a great team, possibly better than M&M. But I was also being given a chance. Through my career I’ve rarely had a good end with a company. I’ve never left on my own terms and twice I made my exit in an ambulance. I wanted a better ending.
After some soul searching, I said yes. Then, we waited.
When our match was announced… I wished that Evan hadn’t called me at all.
Misgivings? I have a few. There’s been a positive reception for my return to the ring at one of the biggest shows of the year. I thought taking Evan up on his offer would’ve been a worthwhile endeavour. I’d have the chance to answer some questions for myself and maybe have one last big match before calling it a career. I’ve toyed with that idea several times in the last five years… but I’ve found reasons to return. Eventually I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s been two weeks… and I’m asking myself that.
I don’t know what I was expecting. Despite everything he’s already accomplished, Evan’s still a rising star. He keeps getting better. I know he made a rough exit from this company when he really should’ve been moving up to the big time here and gotten his shot like Aubrey did. He’s put on five star matches with just about everyone he’s stepped in the ring with and beaten most of them. He’s a guy who deserved a top billing. Then you look at me. I haven’t been billed as a star since 2008 and back then the company I represented as World champion was actively trying to bury me. Since then I’ve been viewed as a guy that others would beat and they’d move to the forefront of the company. Problem is, most guys have trouble doing so. I still have matches of high quality against almost anyone. My work is respected and admired by fans all around the world. I don’t crave the spotlight but I perform well enough to be there. Just most places don’t want me there it seems.
So finding out we’d be competing second last on pay-per-view came as quite a surprise.
Then I saw who our opponents were… C.J. Gates and A.C. Smith.
I was pretty sure Hell froze over at that moment. I had chills.
This match… if I could, I would’ve dropped out of it. Some of it I can handle, the rest… well, I’ll get to that.
Gates is a competitor who embodies much of what I hated about this company. He’s a living symbol of the stagnation that ate away at APW during the last year. Despite numerous failures during the last year and a half, he was always given the nod. How many times did we see C.J. Gates fall short for one reason or another, yet be handed another opportunity? Liked a favoured child, he was spoiled rotten. Once the moment arrived, he’d be outperformed and walked away empty handed again. Didn’t matter what he was competing for either. Undisputed title, Heavyweight title, Overdrive title, he always found a way to lose. What did he care, another freebie was waiting the following week. So while other competitors were ready to work for their opportunity, management decided to keep playing a losing hand and push an ‘APW-approved’ wrestler. Sure Gates was a big star a few years ago, but what it always comes back to is ‘what have you done lately?’
Gates might be a solid competitor, but he lost whatever quality got him to the top once Noble knocked him off his perch. He’s been considered a gatekeeper in APW and for good reason. He’s static. He’s stuck at one point here and unable to move forward. Sure he’s a clean-looking, by-the-book hero the fans love and rally behind, but that hasn’t gotten the job done. It might open doors for him, but he still gets tossed out.
This business is all about evolution. You must be able to grow, change, and adapt.
I’ve rarely been the star. I’ve always have to push myself, overcoming shortcomings and disadvantages to become better. I still do that now. Even when you’re at the top you need to keep improving because something better catches you eventually. I think you’ve forgotten that Gates. You became complacent. You stopped trying to dig deeper inside yourself and find something that would take you farther. Or maybe you just don’t have anything more to give.
I know this isn’t a match to take lightly, even if rumours of you retiring are true. I’m in a similar situation, but I have a goal to accomplish here. I feel I was close to being a main event player in APW. If not for my concussion, I might’ve been in the chamber match at One Night in Hell. I can’t get that chance now, but if I beat you Gates, that might show I could’ve been there. You were the main event gatekeeper on Overdrive. Defeat Gates and you deserve a shot up there.
So I have something to prove, if only to myself, and Survive and Conquer may be the place to do so. I had one of my greatest matches at this event last year. I look to do the same this year. There’s no belt or reward, just a sense of satisfaction… but that’s more than enough reason for me to give everything I have.
Unfortunately, your partner twists the entire dynamic of this match for me. Satisfaction… suddenly becomes a dangerous goal to aim for.
To say Smith and I have history is an understatement. We’ve fought time and again since 2006, both side-by-side and across from each other. I know him about as well as anyone in this business. Even now he’s similar to how he was then, still fighting at the similar level as always… enough to be noticed, but not ascend.
He’s now the longest reigning Xtreme champion ever. Congratulations Smith. You’re king of the undercard once more. It took you eight months or so to get there and you’ve been there for a year, never failing to squander a chance to move up. You fumbled out of Test for the Best, losing to Gates twice… a guy who hasn’t had real success in two years. You’ve faced the Overdrive and Heavyweight champions, but fallen to them. So yes… you held that belt for a year… but what have you proven? Just that A.C. Smith tops out where other guys start to make a name for themselves. You’ve always had trouble hacking it when the going got tough. Your moments of greater success always ended up being fleeting, disappearing in a month or so. You know that of course. Why else would you have spent months boasting about the loss that Terry Marvin gave you a year and a half ago, saying that you almost-kinda-sorta-might’ve had a chance to win?
You’re still one of your own biggest fans all these years later, always trying to play yourself up as something better than you are. Just one of your annoying traits… We’ve never really liked each other. I’ve always found you insufferably arrogant, but I had a professional respect for you, Smith. You worked hard, had morals, and were tolerable to deal with. If you ever got over yourself, you could’ve been better.
But that respect… that went out the window three years ago. I’m sure you know why. You weren’t the first one in late 2010 and early 2011 to take liberties and cause me harm, but you were the one that dealt the final blow and killed my American Championship Wrestling career. Whether by accident or not, I’ve never forgotten or forgiven what happened there. You injured me seriously. I was angry about that when I addressed you weeks later and understandably so, but in all likelihood… I would’ve let go of that eventually. But I never saw a moment of remorse from you in the following months.
Instead I saw you celebrating your ‘victory’ and glorifying the fact that you’d ‘chased’ me from the company and possibly even retired me. I’m pretty sure you even questioned the legitimacy of my injury.
To watch and hear you made me angrier. I never wanted step in a ring with you ever again, worried you might hurt me again… or that I might do something to you that I couldn’t live with. I hoped I could handle it or move past it though.
I risked facing you in Survive and Conquer last year. We were at opposite ends of the match so there was little chance of us meeting there. We could’ve faced off in Test for the Best as well, but it didn’t come to pass. But every time we crossed paths… I had to hold back that urge to get even… to just grab something and...
You have no idea how badly I wanted to and how hard it was to hold back.
Now, I’m in a match with you and there’s a very good chance I’ll have to face you.
I know you though… you’re going to try and get me to fight. You have something to prove with me or you wouldn’t have taken this match, but I don’t. I’ve beaten you enough in my career. Once more won’t matter. You’ve beaten me once, injuring me in the process, but not by beating me directly. Maybe you want to be able to say that you can beat me straight up without any extenuating circumstances… but if you do, you’d better think long and hard before you lay a hand on me.
I’m going into this match reluctantly because as much as I hate you, I don’t want to cross the line of what’s professional… but I’m recently recovered from a concussion and anything might happen. So I might cross that line at Survive and Conquer. If I do… I’ll go through anyone to get to you, Smith. Gates, Evan, the ref, APW officials, the fans… I won’t care who, because the monster you created will be unleashed and I don’t know what would reign it back in then.
On the 26th, this is much more than a match for me. With Gates, I’m fighting someone that reminds me of the system I tried to overcome here in APW. A guy who struggled for all he earned against a guy whose position was always guaranteed. With Smith, I’m facing an intense personal issue I hoped I’d never have to. In front of millions, my angels and demons are going to fight… and I don’t know who’ll win.
This is the end of a chapter in my career and my life. That is assured. I see nothing but uncertainty past this one event because, then and there, I have no idea what may happen.
All I can hope for is that the next morning, regardless of the actual outcome, I’ll still be able to look at myself in the mirror…
Logan Alexander
On July 19th, my career was rocked by the revelation that I’d had a severe concussion, suffered two months prior, and aggravated during an exceptionally brutal run on my way to and at Test for the Best. I had to step back from active competition or risk further, possibly irreparable, harm to myself and possibly others with my… increasingly erratic behaviour.
A few weeks later, I was sitting on the sidelines, watching as my Tapout title reign was ended by someone without even a tenth of my wrestling skill, even if he calls himself ‘great’. My chances of rising to the top of APW slipped away due to my injury. Then once I’d walked out the door… there wasn’t one word of thanks or condolence extended by anyone affiliated with APW. Much like during my time competing, I was lost in the shuffle and unacknowledged.
It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I’d been at odds with management since day one. No one expected or wanted me to succeed here. I was always the forgotten competitor. When big events were planned, I was always glossed over. When someone realized I’d been missed on the first pass, I’d have to overcome tougher challenges than the others had to get where they were. To get my first chances at the North American and Tapout championships I had to win four-way matches when everyone else involved had won one-on-one matches or were picked by the GM.
Once I had success after jumping through those hurdles… those in charge either picked a successor and helped them try to beat me, or they tried to hold me back in other ways. Look at my North American title reign with all the interference and in Test for the Best where Aubrey and I were booked against one another, and again against Christian Kane too, robbing us of a fair opportunity.
At least Aubrey made the most of it. She got to the top. She deserved it. I was and am proud of her for what she accomplished. It’s almost vindication for what we went through together… Almost.
Recently though… I’ve been fairly content at home in Toronto. I’m unsure about my future in this business. I have nothing waiting for me although my name travels the rumour mills. People wonder if I might return. I don’t know… there’s only so much your heart can take. This business has punished me through the years. You ask yourself if it’s worth it. I have no answer now… so I fill my time with family, friends, and students.
In the midst of that came an unexpected call. It was Evan Envi.
He and I go back six and a half years. I was there when he debuted. I was the first person he ever beat. We tore the house down with four matches in his first three months. Now he’s one of the greats. We’ve been friends, enemies, partners, rivals… Heck… at one point there was a chance of us being family. Whether he was Heir or Harrison or Envi, there’s a lot that has tied us together over those years, for better or worse.
Needless to say, his call piqued my interest. Whether it was to talk or to curse me out, hearing from him wasn’t a bore.
He had a proposition for me. One… more… match.
I said no thanks. He went quiet. I hung up.
He tried again the next day giving me all the details. We would team up and issue an open challenge for APW’s Survive and Conquer pay-per-view.
I couldn’t say no outright, this required consideration. I was feeling better physically, but mentally… I wasn’t sure. Doubts, concerns, and fears needed to be addressed. I didn’t know if I could handle it, but I knew we could be a great team, possibly better than M&M. But I was also being given a chance. Through my career I’ve rarely had a good end with a company. I’ve never left on my own terms and twice I made my exit in an ambulance. I wanted a better ending.
After some soul searching, I said yes. Then, we waited.
When our match was announced… I wished that Evan hadn’t called me at all.
Misgivings? I have a few. There’s been a positive reception for my return to the ring at one of the biggest shows of the year. I thought taking Evan up on his offer would’ve been a worthwhile endeavour. I’d have the chance to answer some questions for myself and maybe have one last big match before calling it a career. I’ve toyed with that idea several times in the last five years… but I’ve found reasons to return. Eventually I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. It’s been two weeks… and I’m asking myself that.
I don’t know what I was expecting. Despite everything he’s already accomplished, Evan’s still a rising star. He keeps getting better. I know he made a rough exit from this company when he really should’ve been moving up to the big time here and gotten his shot like Aubrey did. He’s put on five star matches with just about everyone he’s stepped in the ring with and beaten most of them. He’s a guy who deserved a top billing. Then you look at me. I haven’t been billed as a star since 2008 and back then the company I represented as World champion was actively trying to bury me. Since then I’ve been viewed as a guy that others would beat and they’d move to the forefront of the company. Problem is, most guys have trouble doing so. I still have matches of high quality against almost anyone. My work is respected and admired by fans all around the world. I don’t crave the spotlight but I perform well enough to be there. Just most places don’t want me there it seems.
So finding out we’d be competing second last on pay-per-view came as quite a surprise.
Then I saw who our opponents were… C.J. Gates and A.C. Smith.
I was pretty sure Hell froze over at that moment. I had chills.
This match… if I could, I would’ve dropped out of it. Some of it I can handle, the rest… well, I’ll get to that.
Gates is a competitor who embodies much of what I hated about this company. He’s a living symbol of the stagnation that ate away at APW during the last year. Despite numerous failures during the last year and a half, he was always given the nod. How many times did we see C.J. Gates fall short for one reason or another, yet be handed another opportunity? Liked a favoured child, he was spoiled rotten. Once the moment arrived, he’d be outperformed and walked away empty handed again. Didn’t matter what he was competing for either. Undisputed title, Heavyweight title, Overdrive title, he always found a way to lose. What did he care, another freebie was waiting the following week. So while other competitors were ready to work for their opportunity, management decided to keep playing a losing hand and push an ‘APW-approved’ wrestler. Sure Gates was a big star a few years ago, but what it always comes back to is ‘what have you done lately?’
Gates might be a solid competitor, but he lost whatever quality got him to the top once Noble knocked him off his perch. He’s been considered a gatekeeper in APW and for good reason. He’s static. He’s stuck at one point here and unable to move forward. Sure he’s a clean-looking, by-the-book hero the fans love and rally behind, but that hasn’t gotten the job done. It might open doors for him, but he still gets tossed out.
This business is all about evolution. You must be able to grow, change, and adapt.
I’ve rarely been the star. I’ve always have to push myself, overcoming shortcomings and disadvantages to become better. I still do that now. Even when you’re at the top you need to keep improving because something better catches you eventually. I think you’ve forgotten that Gates. You became complacent. You stopped trying to dig deeper inside yourself and find something that would take you farther. Or maybe you just don’t have anything more to give.
I know this isn’t a match to take lightly, even if rumours of you retiring are true. I’m in a similar situation, but I have a goal to accomplish here. I feel I was close to being a main event player in APW. If not for my concussion, I might’ve been in the chamber match at One Night in Hell. I can’t get that chance now, but if I beat you Gates, that might show I could’ve been there. You were the main event gatekeeper on Overdrive. Defeat Gates and you deserve a shot up there.
So I have something to prove, if only to myself, and Survive and Conquer may be the place to do so. I had one of my greatest matches at this event last year. I look to do the same this year. There’s no belt or reward, just a sense of satisfaction… but that’s more than enough reason for me to give everything I have.
Unfortunately, your partner twists the entire dynamic of this match for me. Satisfaction… suddenly becomes a dangerous goal to aim for.
To say Smith and I have history is an understatement. We’ve fought time and again since 2006, both side-by-side and across from each other. I know him about as well as anyone in this business. Even now he’s similar to how he was then, still fighting at the similar level as always… enough to be noticed, but not ascend.
He’s now the longest reigning Xtreme champion ever. Congratulations Smith. You’re king of the undercard once more. It took you eight months or so to get there and you’ve been there for a year, never failing to squander a chance to move up. You fumbled out of Test for the Best, losing to Gates twice… a guy who hasn’t had real success in two years. You’ve faced the Overdrive and Heavyweight champions, but fallen to them. So yes… you held that belt for a year… but what have you proven? Just that A.C. Smith tops out where other guys start to make a name for themselves. You’ve always had trouble hacking it when the going got tough. Your moments of greater success always ended up being fleeting, disappearing in a month or so. You know that of course. Why else would you have spent months boasting about the loss that Terry Marvin gave you a year and a half ago, saying that you almost-kinda-sorta-might’ve had a chance to win?
You’re still one of your own biggest fans all these years later, always trying to play yourself up as something better than you are. Just one of your annoying traits… We’ve never really liked each other. I’ve always found you insufferably arrogant, but I had a professional respect for you, Smith. You worked hard, had morals, and were tolerable to deal with. If you ever got over yourself, you could’ve been better.
But that respect… that went out the window three years ago. I’m sure you know why. You weren’t the first one in late 2010 and early 2011 to take liberties and cause me harm, but you were the one that dealt the final blow and killed my American Championship Wrestling career. Whether by accident or not, I’ve never forgotten or forgiven what happened there. You injured me seriously. I was angry about that when I addressed you weeks later and understandably so, but in all likelihood… I would’ve let go of that eventually. But I never saw a moment of remorse from you in the following months.
Instead I saw you celebrating your ‘victory’ and glorifying the fact that you’d ‘chased’ me from the company and possibly even retired me. I’m pretty sure you even questioned the legitimacy of my injury.
To watch and hear you made me angrier. I never wanted step in a ring with you ever again, worried you might hurt me again… or that I might do something to you that I couldn’t live with. I hoped I could handle it or move past it though.
I risked facing you in Survive and Conquer last year. We were at opposite ends of the match so there was little chance of us meeting there. We could’ve faced off in Test for the Best as well, but it didn’t come to pass. But every time we crossed paths… I had to hold back that urge to get even… to just grab something and...
You have no idea how badly I wanted to and how hard it was to hold back.
Now, I’m in a match with you and there’s a very good chance I’ll have to face you.
I know you though… you’re going to try and get me to fight. You have something to prove with me or you wouldn’t have taken this match, but I don’t. I’ve beaten you enough in my career. Once more won’t matter. You’ve beaten me once, injuring me in the process, but not by beating me directly. Maybe you want to be able to say that you can beat me straight up without any extenuating circumstances… but if you do, you’d better think long and hard before you lay a hand on me.
I’m going into this match reluctantly because as much as I hate you, I don’t want to cross the line of what’s professional… but I’m recently recovered from a concussion and anything might happen. So I might cross that line at Survive and Conquer. If I do… I’ll go through anyone to get to you, Smith. Gates, Evan, the ref, APW officials, the fans… I won’t care who, because the monster you created will be unleashed and I don’t know what would reign it back in then.
On the 26th, this is much more than a match for me. With Gates, I’m fighting someone that reminds me of the system I tried to overcome here in APW. A guy who struggled for all he earned against a guy whose position was always guaranteed. With Smith, I’m facing an intense personal issue I hoped I’d never have to. In front of millions, my angels and demons are going to fight… and I don’t know who’ll win.
This is the end of a chapter in my career and my life. That is assured. I see nothing but uncertainty past this one event because, then and there, I have no idea what may happen.
All I can hope for is that the next morning, regardless of the actual outcome, I’ll still be able to look at myself in the mirror…
Logan Alexander
