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Post by Crusher Crenshaw on Jul 27, 2015 6:04:23 GMT -4
Throwing myself to the wolves here in requesting some feedback on my roleplay for the match featuring Sally Talfourd and my subsequent Crusher Crenshaw segment for the results in his brief interview with Shane West. I figured I should gauge this communities thoughts and feelings on my work before proceeding on my next piece so that appropriate adjustments can be made.
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Post by Paradox on Jul 27, 2015 8:54:46 GMT -4
OK, I don't know if I'm the best to speak for APW as a "community" as I'm new here too, but as a veteran roleplayer I can give you my thoughts.
In terms of your roleplay, I love your use of descriptive language, the scenes you set are very vivid and I can easily picture them playing out in my head. Occasionally you may over-describe a minor character or bit of scenery, but I'm splitting hairs here. As a debut the RP worked well, because it introduced the character's main traits in bold type - showing us a little of his experimental origins, his relationship with his manager, physical strengths and weaknesses, basically teaching us a lot in a short space.
Looking at the gimmick as a whole, it's pretty outlandish but just about within the realms of e-fed logic, which I kind of like, I also like the graphic novel-esque delivery of that gimmick - Crenshaw's character reminds me of Bane or Deadpool in some aspects, which is certainly interesting in a wrestling setting.
The only thing that troubled me is the way you revealed Dr Vicor's methods for covering up Crenshaw's experimental steroid usage within the RP. Of course, it makes sense to fill us in on how he's able to compete in APW with those drugs in his system, but you also have Vicor describe how he's effectively pulling off a con. Some people may not object to this, but I'm very old-school, and I think that everything contained with a roleplay is "known" to all other characters. You're effectively asking us to treat much of the third scene as "off camera", i.e. knowledge that cannot be used or referred to when competing against you (as if it WERE known, Crusher could not possibly be allowed to compete). Again, a lot of people are fine with that, but it's not to my taste, and if you ARE going to give us "off camera" material, I think you should clearly signpost it as such in your promo. Maybe there are ways to hint at the real origins of Crenshaw's strength and mass, whilst only "officially" giving us Dr Vicor's sanitised version of the facts?
On the in-show promo, I don't really have a lot to say, it achieved what it set out to do and complemented the RP as an introduction to the character, so good job.
Some I've been of some use to you.
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Post by Crusher Crenshaw on Jul 27, 2015 14:07:02 GMT -4
Yeah I think the last scene was definitely the weakest part of my roleplay. I was trying to go for the whole "Ivan Drago is obviously on steroids" concept in Rocky IV, but as I researched for my roleplay I learned that anabolic steroids in any form are not permitted unless via prescription and even that area is very hazy in terms of using it for competitive purposes. I went a long with it anyway but in the process of trying to explain it away in a logical sense I became overly descriptive and long winded, which I think hurt my performance in a big way (evidenced by my loss of the match, naturally).
It's going to be difficult to keep this character concept in the realms of reality as the weeks go on due to the nature of Jackson Kaiser and his methods. But I will work on trying to distinguish scenes between (This is what you see on camera) and (this is a crazy fever dream that isn't really happening used for backstory purposes *minor spoilers there*) lol.
Thank you for taking the time to critique me. I know it's a time consuming thing.
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