Do we have a feedback board?

["The Elite" Mike Basten]

I can't find one and I'd like some feedback on my first RP as Mike.

[President Jeff]

if you want feedback, PM someone or wait for someone else to give you props on your RP. We don't need a feedback board, I think its pretty much pointless as 99% of the time people just reply with ya "It was good" or whatever

["The Elite" Mike Basten]

Fair point.

Was only checking anyway, but I understand what you're saying. Thanks

[President Jeff]

We did have one though, but no one used it

[Dr. Matt]

I'm always willing to give people pointers on their RPs. All you gotta do is ask.

["The Elite" Mike Basten]

What did you think of my first two as Mike ??

[Dr. Matt]

I've only read the first... I'll let you know what I think after I've read them both.

Edit: Alright, here's my thoughts.

I'll probably never be a fan of first person in a RP. But that's just me, and you know that by now. But, since I'm in a voting position, I've been keeping an open mind about all different styles of writing.

That being said, if you're going to do things in the first person, take full advantage of it. One writes in the first person to truly tap into the thoughts and feelings of a character. You shouldn't be going on about what you're doing at that moment. Talk more about your feelings (as gay as that sounds) and your overall psyche at the moment. Otherwise, you may just as well be writing third person.

As for your trash talk; being the 4th person to talk in this match, you had a real advantage to bring something new to the table with trash talk. But, I felt as I read your RP you pretty much just reiterated what Locke and the Dream (which, granted, you hadn't read) had said about their opponents. What you really should've done is try to find some more things to talk about. It shows creativity; which, in my books, can go a long way. Granted, there's not a whole lot to work off of for 2/3 of your competition, but it's something to keep in mind for the future.

Overall, your style and presentation is pretty good. Clear reading, which is a huge advantage. There's nothing I hate more than having to stop and think about what someone is trying to say, which I didn't really have a problem with in your RPs.

That's a note to everyone: PROOF-READ YOUR FUCKING ROLEPLAYS. There's nothign i ahte moret han a rp filed with typos and bad speling.

Could you understand that? If there's writing like that in a Roleplay, I can't figure out your message, and I'm likely to vote against you. There are some people in this company who could put up a lot more wins if they'd take the time to make sure their RPs are readable.

Anywho, that's all for now. If anybody else wants me to break them down, then build them back up; then tear them down again; and, if there's time before lunch, bring them back up again; you can PM me; or, like our good friend Mike Basten, just ask in the OOC board and everyone can revel in the advice.

[President Jeff]

Good Advice Matt

[Jason Royce]

no one ever said anything about my rps at all i wanted to know if they are good or if their is still something i need to work on

["The Elite" Mike Basten]

Thyanks for the advice. This is new for me writing in the first person, I can only take advice and improve on it so thanks a lot for it Matt.

[Dr. Matt]

Feb 24, 2008 5:13:38 GMT -4 Jason Royce said:

no one ever said anything about my rps at all i wanted to know if they are good or if their is still something i need to work on

Okay, considering how you don't check your PMs, here's a few thoughts.

1) Proof read. Half the time I can't figure out what you're saying, Jason.

2) Quit requesting ridiculous matches in your RPs. Punjabi Prison? Seriously? Sometimes I think you're just fucking with us on purpose.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Check your PMs, though, I sent you some feedback the first time you asked like 3 weeks ago.

[Jason Royce]

Dr. Matt i did check my pms and i read everything you put their and i used that but my carnage posts were my best i ever wrote and thought this time i would have gotten a win now i am 0-5 and the only guy with out a win what do i have to do to get a win in this fed i am not bitching or anything i am just wondering why all the voters seem to vote against me i just wanna know why i can not get a win that is all please pm me or reply to this and that goes for anyone including the bood as well i just wanna know peace.

[Your JESUS]

He just said proofread, and I'm no Harvard Grad, but there is a button on your keyboard that say's SHIFT and has a little arrow pointing up wards if you hold that button at the same time you type the letter i, it will look like this....I, try again,...I yep it works! Sabur out bitches, ohh I don't want any opinions, my ego is so fragile, and I like what I write, so fuck it, I'm living in a fake world, have a ball... So i Sabur oopps I Sabur and now out bitches! ;D

["The Hottest Shit Going"]

[glow=red,2,300]So let me have it, how are my RP's Dr. Matt, I'm feeling like I need to be broken down, and criticism is always healthy for growth and success[/glow]

[Dr. Matt]

Here's what I think about your RPs thus far (I excluded your debut promos because, well, I'm lazy)

"Here":
While the dressing-up-as-your-opponent shtick has be done before, I still think it's great insult to throw out every now and then. I believe, over everything else, that an RP should be used to completely belittle and undermine and opponent. A well written RP can actually cause an opponent's writing ability to suffer. Just ask Alexander Locke. He tells me he lost sleep trying to compete against me in another fed.

Anywho, a nice spoof, considering this fed is still new and, let's be honest, not everybody knows a lot of everybody else's history. A few of the lines, like "To bless you all with my fucking greatness...Love me, I am God la la la la......" and "A small bottle of Blackwell Jaeger (cause it's the best)" cracked me up and they were short, succinct, slaps in Sex and Violence's face. This is what great RPs are made of.

Now, I'm Canadian, but judging by the reaction, burning a military uniform is big no-no. I'm guessing, anyways. From a RP perspective, good fucking work. Heels have to cross the line all the time.

Things that could've been improved: There was some small typos sprinkled throughout the promo, but nothing too serious. Also, it was a little hard to read since everything was just plain white text, but that's something you fixed in later RPs.

All in all, this was probably one of my favourite Carnage RPs. It was funny, it was heel-ish, and you were able to trash Kaos without having to go on and on about "I'm better than you because", etc., etc.


"My mom has a crush on Jeff":
Okay, in all honesty, this RP fell a little flat. In all honesty, had Kaos posted a second RP on time and something that wasn't so rushed, he may have taken the match. But, shit happens, and, in the end, wins and losses are irrelevant to getting pushed. All that matters is that people work hard and put 100% effort into their RPs, and the staff will notice.

Anyways, back to the RP. This one had a few more typos, etc., which made it seem somewhat rushed. I really liked the beginning of the story that your mom has a crush on Jeff.

On the other hand, the stuff with the gay hairdresser was not really that funny. Now, I'm not going to stand up here on a soapbox and tell people that gay jokes have no place in an RP. But, there's right ways and wrong ways to do it. This wasn't really the wrong way, but the joke just didn't work. I've seen several different incarnations of "My opponents fans are fucking crazy" in RPs, and it's the kind of thing that has to be really well done work properly as an insult. You have to go that extra step and show what the wrestler himself is doing to appeal to whatever weird fan they are talking to at the time. (Note: I'm not saying gay people are weird, I'm taking about the concept in general).

So, I dunno. This RP was kinda iffy for me, but perhaps I'm just thinking that because I really liked your first.



On second thought, I've decided not to critique your Battle Royale RP since it would be unfair if your opponents took something I say and used it against you. But, I will say this: Jeff+Your Mom=Limitless Possibilities. This could turn into a really fun angle.

[Kristina Blackwell]

So... my turn. Hit me, Doc, I think I could use a shot of "How to make my Rp's Better" straight up, no ice please!!!!

And yes, I do read my PM's.... every time I go online.