Post by Slade "The Main Man" Craven on Oct 27, 2009 0:55:26 GMT -4
Cindy Shannon- Slade, where have you been?
Slade- Cindy, that is a long story.
Craven cross the distance from the doorway to the A.K.A. office in two strides. He can tell by the look on Shadow’s face that the big guy was in a little trouble. Slade only got there a few moments before while Shadow was speaking. Then when the question was asked as to Slade’s whereabouts, “The Main Man” couldn’t help but put Shadow on the spot for a moment. It was all in good fun. Craven had a long day though. His plane ride over seas had a screaming child sitting right across the aisle from Slade. Luckily the little kicking bastard was not behind him. Still, Slade couldn’t get any sleep. It drove him insane. As he sat there, with the child screaming over the in flight movie and dozens of people drinking around him, Slade could only just pray for the plane to bank to hard and send some overhead baggage down on him to knock him out, well him or that screaming child, either worked for him. Then after the long drawn out flight, Craven was stopped at customs and questioned about the content of his carry on luggage. They wanted to know why he had Playboy in his bag, since nude photography is illegal in Japan. What’s weird is that it was the Marge Simpson issue. So they confiscated it, and searched his bag, once again Slade was lucky, no cavity search. After all that time he headed to the hotel to try and get a decent bit of rest before the show. When Craven got there though, the maids were cleaning, they were in the middle of it. They couldn’t quit, and even though he tried as much as he could, he couldn’t manage to gain a moment of sleep. Craven had been awake for almost twenty four hours when the maids finally left. He laid his head against the bed and passed out.
<I>
Two hours later a knock awoke Craven from his slumber. The concierge received a call from President Jeff wondering if Slade had checked in. Upon confirmation Jeff sent the concierge up to Slade’s room to pull him out of bed. Craven struggles to wake up as the man rambled on in Japanese, a language Slade did not understand. The concierge kept smacking Slade with a pillow then tosses a vase of water in his face. Craven rolled onto the floor and crawled to his feet, sleep pouring from his eyes.
Slade- Dah! I’m awake!
The concierge said something else Slade didn’t understand then pointed to the clock by the bed. Slade had an hour and a half to get to the arena. And in Tokyo, taking a cab would be impossible. Craven stumbled around and grabbed his gear then headed out the door like a student running late for class. The way to the arena was the streets. Slade had to run all through them, pushing past the bustling people and make his way to the jam packed arena. People in the streets tried to stop him but Slade had to get to the Tokyo Dome. He rushed through the streets, making his way through the throng of people and finally with thirty minutes remaining until the deadline Slade got to the back door. Little did Slade know that at this time Shadow was nearing his completion of an interview with Cindy Shannon. At the door Slade is stopped by security. They want his ID. However Slade, in his rush, has forgotten the important documentation and is now, once again being searched. The guards question him in both English and Japanese. Slade tries to answer as best he can, however the guards keep thinking he is drunk and disoriented due to his sleep induced speech. Finally, after all his troubles an A.P.W. crew member has contacted President Jeff who shows up at the door to explain that Slade is one of his guys. There is a slight argument due to Slade not having identification, but it all gets settled out and Craven is let inside the arena. He makes his way through the locker room then to the A.K.A. office area where he finds Shadow about to buckle under the question. After all this Slade steps in and gets into character.
</I>
Craven stands there after his statement and smiles at Cindy.
Cindy: So Slade, are you going to tell us this long story?
Slade- Nope.
He starts to laugh.
Slade- Now why would ole Slade Craven talk about what happened, when he is much more interested in what will happen? Especially tonight.\
Cindy: You are talking about your match with Biggs and Cyrus right?
Slade- What else would “The Main Man” be talking about Cindy? Tonight is what’s important. Slade Craven and Shadow versus the Axis of Assholes. I am sure Shadow here has been rambling on about his feud with Biggs. But while Slade Craven could talk about his ‘feud’ with Cyrus the important thing is what Slade has to say about that silly little twit who came down to the ring with a god damn super soaker and tried to burn “The Main Man” alive. Biggs then comes around and write a letter, a letter, apologizing for what he did, asking forgiveness for his crime. This is not something that Slade is prepared. Instead Slade Craven is going to offer Biggs a first class ticket to ‘beat town’ where Slade is going to take his foot and stomp a hole into Biggs’ ass so bad, “The Main Man” will still be picking chunks out of his boot by the next Rasslemania.
Cindy: You aren’t going to forgive him?
Slade- Hell no. “The Main Man” owes that man something. An ass kicking of epic and biblical proportions. While Shadow owes Biggs a little something-something, Slade owes him a little more. No disrespect to the other half of the A.K.A. in this match, but Biggs hasn’t tried to kill Shadow,. No he tried to kill “The Main Man” that is not a forgivable offense. Moreover, Biggs has accused Slade of being some washed up nobody. While Craven may not hold some gold here in A.P.W. Slade Craven was whipping ass and raising hell back when Biggs was an itch in his one of his daddies’’ crotches. Slade Craven never rode the coat tails of anybody and to prove that fact, tonight, “The Main Man” is going to up the ante. There will never be a stunt performed in A.P.W. as drastic as Slade will do. Because Biggs, you and Cyrus have no ideas the limits that the Most Mesmerizing Man in sports entertainment will go to in order to please the fans. Tonight Slade will take it to the next level. Not to show Biggs that he was wrong about his whole coattails comment but to show him how alive “The Main Man” is. You can try to burn him, you might attempt to break him but you will never beat him. That’s what it means to be Slade Craven. A power and charisma that Biggs could only dream of accomplishing in his life time. Now while winning this match puts the Xtreme title around Slade’s waist and not the Overdrive a win is a win. And in the end it will show that Slade Craven and Shadow defeated the Axis. Something they have done every time the A.K.A. has faced off against them. The Axis continuously claims to be the hottest faction in A.P.W. but they haven’t won jack shit as a tag team. In fact its like watching a three ring circus of inbred cripples when they team together.
Cindy: That’s a little harsh there Slade.
Slade- No its straight up fact, Cindy. Cyrus is a joke. It stuns Slade that he thinks he is champion but he has more issues than a homosexual catholic. He hates himself so much because he sucks so much he even sucks at losing. He can’t succeed at anything which is down right pathetic. He wanted to lose that belt so badly at Shockwave. And just as he was within a millimeter of succeeding and finally losing that belt his tag partner rushes down to the ring from Toy R Us and sprays “The Main Man” with fuel and lights him ablaze. So yeah, Cyrus failed at that and choosing a tag partner who could help Cyrus live his dream of being title free. Back to Biggs on that note. He wrote a note, begging for forgiveness and then says his biggest regret is not using more fuel to finish the job. Slade says this; Biggs, when tonight is over and you wake up in the I.C.U. with yours ass kicked to your face, think about seeking some professional help. While your tag partner is struggling with his inner homo, you seem to be dealing with that alter ego who wants to control your already meaningless life.
Cindy: But Slade you refer to yourself…
Slade- What was that? “The Main Man” couldn’t hear you over the sound of how bad ass he is Cindy. Ms Shannon, you know Slade Craven thinks you are attractive but he needs to ask you something very important right now.
She nods, confused.
Slade- What is the difference between a sonnet and the act of fellatio?
She looks even more confused. Her eyes perplexed as she shakes her head.
Slade- Damn: President Jeff gave Slade a message when he got to the arena, find someone to explain to Biggs that he is not a poet.
Craven starts to walk away from Cindy. She stops him by asking.
Cindy: So Slade, what’s been going on with you lately?
Craven pauses, his back still to her as he thinks. He turns slowly to her and removes his sunglasses. The jokes are gone.
Slade- Cindy, what “The Main Man” is up to on his free time is no concern to you. He showed up, he made it here on time. Slade Craven has never missed a wrestling show. He shows up, whips ass, makes the fans cheer and goes home. This is what Slade lives for. Tonight is no different. You need not concern yourself with Slade’s tardiness. Yes he was a little late,. But he is here now. And while others think this is just another thing to attack, they can do whatever they want it will not make one damn bit of difference. Slade Craven has always been a legend, a name whispered amongst the forests and hanging on the tips of everyone’s tongue. This is not a fact Slade brings up very often because “The Main Man” is not proud.
He pauses and smirks.
Slade- Despite how he may act.
He narrows his eyes once more
Slade- Tonight is going to be on hell of a fight Cindy. That is what you need to be focusing on. You need to take your little sexy ass back to the back area and find yourself a nice little seat, break open a glass of wine and light some candles because what happens in that ring tonight will change everyone. Slade lives for the death defying stunts that drop the jaws of the fans. He lives to make knees quiver and voices scream. That is what will happen tonight Cindy, that is where your head should be at. Not with what was, you have to look at what will be. Slade Craven ‘will be’ whipping some ass tonight. And no matter what Chris Cyrus or his tag partner Biggsy-Boy try to do. They will not change the outcome. Slade Craven is the prophet and he has come to kick ass tonight! Because when it all said and done, Cindy. All the dust has settled all the smoke has clear, after all the little 1960s special effect sound cards written in English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese and even New Zealandese drop from the screen only one thing will be crystal clear. Biggs and Cyrus will know what it means to Rue the day they ever crossed Slade!
He leans his head back as he says those words, a little different than he usually spills them. And despite Slade knows the people from New Zealand are Kiwis and he just made a bit of an ass out of himself for the sake of humor, he is ready. Slade is ready to go whip ass. He looks to his tag partner who now smiles. Slade is here and good to go. This one surely going to be One Hell of a Night.
Slade- Cindy, that is a long story.
Craven cross the distance from the doorway to the A.K.A. office in two strides. He can tell by the look on Shadow’s face that the big guy was in a little trouble. Slade only got there a few moments before while Shadow was speaking. Then when the question was asked as to Slade’s whereabouts, “The Main Man” couldn’t help but put Shadow on the spot for a moment. It was all in good fun. Craven had a long day though. His plane ride over seas had a screaming child sitting right across the aisle from Slade. Luckily the little kicking bastard was not behind him. Still, Slade couldn’t get any sleep. It drove him insane. As he sat there, with the child screaming over the in flight movie and dozens of people drinking around him, Slade could only just pray for the plane to bank to hard and send some overhead baggage down on him to knock him out, well him or that screaming child, either worked for him. Then after the long drawn out flight, Craven was stopped at customs and questioned about the content of his carry on luggage. They wanted to know why he had Playboy in his bag, since nude photography is illegal in Japan. What’s weird is that it was the Marge Simpson issue. So they confiscated it, and searched his bag, once again Slade was lucky, no cavity search. After all that time he headed to the hotel to try and get a decent bit of rest before the show. When Craven got there though, the maids were cleaning, they were in the middle of it. They couldn’t quit, and even though he tried as much as he could, he couldn’t manage to gain a moment of sleep. Craven had been awake for almost twenty four hours when the maids finally left. He laid his head against the bed and passed out.
<I>
Two hours later a knock awoke Craven from his slumber. The concierge received a call from President Jeff wondering if Slade had checked in. Upon confirmation Jeff sent the concierge up to Slade’s room to pull him out of bed. Craven struggles to wake up as the man rambled on in Japanese, a language Slade did not understand. The concierge kept smacking Slade with a pillow then tosses a vase of water in his face. Craven rolled onto the floor and crawled to his feet, sleep pouring from his eyes.
Slade- Dah! I’m awake!
The concierge said something else Slade didn’t understand then pointed to the clock by the bed. Slade had an hour and a half to get to the arena. And in Tokyo, taking a cab would be impossible. Craven stumbled around and grabbed his gear then headed out the door like a student running late for class. The way to the arena was the streets. Slade had to run all through them, pushing past the bustling people and make his way to the jam packed arena. People in the streets tried to stop him but Slade had to get to the Tokyo Dome. He rushed through the streets, making his way through the throng of people and finally with thirty minutes remaining until the deadline Slade got to the back door. Little did Slade know that at this time Shadow was nearing his completion of an interview with Cindy Shannon. At the door Slade is stopped by security. They want his ID. However Slade, in his rush, has forgotten the important documentation and is now, once again being searched. The guards question him in both English and Japanese. Slade tries to answer as best he can, however the guards keep thinking he is drunk and disoriented due to his sleep induced speech. Finally, after all his troubles an A.P.W. crew member has contacted President Jeff who shows up at the door to explain that Slade is one of his guys. There is a slight argument due to Slade not having identification, but it all gets settled out and Craven is let inside the arena. He makes his way through the locker room then to the A.K.A. office area where he finds Shadow about to buckle under the question. After all this Slade steps in and gets into character.
</I>
Craven stands there after his statement and smiles at Cindy.
Cindy: So Slade, are you going to tell us this long story?
Slade- Nope.
He starts to laugh.
Slade- Now why would ole Slade Craven talk about what happened, when he is much more interested in what will happen? Especially tonight.\
Cindy: You are talking about your match with Biggs and Cyrus right?
Slade- What else would “The Main Man” be talking about Cindy? Tonight is what’s important. Slade Craven and Shadow versus the Axis of Assholes. I am sure Shadow here has been rambling on about his feud with Biggs. But while Slade Craven could talk about his ‘feud’ with Cyrus the important thing is what Slade has to say about that silly little twit who came down to the ring with a god damn super soaker and tried to burn “The Main Man” alive. Biggs then comes around and write a letter, a letter, apologizing for what he did, asking forgiveness for his crime. This is not something that Slade is prepared. Instead Slade Craven is going to offer Biggs a first class ticket to ‘beat town’ where Slade is going to take his foot and stomp a hole into Biggs’ ass so bad, “The Main Man” will still be picking chunks out of his boot by the next Rasslemania.
Cindy: You aren’t going to forgive him?
Slade- Hell no. “The Main Man” owes that man something. An ass kicking of epic and biblical proportions. While Shadow owes Biggs a little something-something, Slade owes him a little more. No disrespect to the other half of the A.K.A. in this match, but Biggs hasn’t tried to kill Shadow,. No he tried to kill “The Main Man” that is not a forgivable offense. Moreover, Biggs has accused Slade of being some washed up nobody. While Craven may not hold some gold here in A.P.W. Slade Craven was whipping ass and raising hell back when Biggs was an itch in his one of his daddies’’ crotches. Slade Craven never rode the coat tails of anybody and to prove that fact, tonight, “The Main Man” is going to up the ante. There will never be a stunt performed in A.P.W. as drastic as Slade will do. Because Biggs, you and Cyrus have no ideas the limits that the Most Mesmerizing Man in sports entertainment will go to in order to please the fans. Tonight Slade will take it to the next level. Not to show Biggs that he was wrong about his whole coattails comment but to show him how alive “The Main Man” is. You can try to burn him, you might attempt to break him but you will never beat him. That’s what it means to be Slade Craven. A power and charisma that Biggs could only dream of accomplishing in his life time. Now while winning this match puts the Xtreme title around Slade’s waist and not the Overdrive a win is a win. And in the end it will show that Slade Craven and Shadow defeated the Axis. Something they have done every time the A.K.A. has faced off against them. The Axis continuously claims to be the hottest faction in A.P.W. but they haven’t won jack shit as a tag team. In fact its like watching a three ring circus of inbred cripples when they team together.
Cindy: That’s a little harsh there Slade.
Slade- No its straight up fact, Cindy. Cyrus is a joke. It stuns Slade that he thinks he is champion but he has more issues than a homosexual catholic. He hates himself so much because he sucks so much he even sucks at losing. He can’t succeed at anything which is down right pathetic. He wanted to lose that belt so badly at Shockwave. And just as he was within a millimeter of succeeding and finally losing that belt his tag partner rushes down to the ring from Toy R Us and sprays “The Main Man” with fuel and lights him ablaze. So yeah, Cyrus failed at that and choosing a tag partner who could help Cyrus live his dream of being title free. Back to Biggs on that note. He wrote a note, begging for forgiveness and then says his biggest regret is not using more fuel to finish the job. Slade says this; Biggs, when tonight is over and you wake up in the I.C.U. with yours ass kicked to your face, think about seeking some professional help. While your tag partner is struggling with his inner homo, you seem to be dealing with that alter ego who wants to control your already meaningless life.
Cindy: But Slade you refer to yourself…
Slade- What was that? “The Main Man” couldn’t hear you over the sound of how bad ass he is Cindy. Ms Shannon, you know Slade Craven thinks you are attractive but he needs to ask you something very important right now.
She nods, confused.
Slade- What is the difference between a sonnet and the act of fellatio?
She looks even more confused. Her eyes perplexed as she shakes her head.
Slade- Damn: President Jeff gave Slade a message when he got to the arena, find someone to explain to Biggs that he is not a poet.
Craven starts to walk away from Cindy. She stops him by asking.
Cindy: So Slade, what’s been going on with you lately?
Craven pauses, his back still to her as he thinks. He turns slowly to her and removes his sunglasses. The jokes are gone.
Slade- Cindy, what “The Main Man” is up to on his free time is no concern to you. He showed up, he made it here on time. Slade Craven has never missed a wrestling show. He shows up, whips ass, makes the fans cheer and goes home. This is what Slade lives for. Tonight is no different. You need not concern yourself with Slade’s tardiness. Yes he was a little late,. But he is here now. And while others think this is just another thing to attack, they can do whatever they want it will not make one damn bit of difference. Slade Craven has always been a legend, a name whispered amongst the forests and hanging on the tips of everyone’s tongue. This is not a fact Slade brings up very often because “The Main Man” is not proud.
He pauses and smirks.
Slade- Despite how he may act.
He narrows his eyes once more
Slade- Tonight is going to be on hell of a fight Cindy. That is what you need to be focusing on. You need to take your little sexy ass back to the back area and find yourself a nice little seat, break open a glass of wine and light some candles because what happens in that ring tonight will change everyone. Slade lives for the death defying stunts that drop the jaws of the fans. He lives to make knees quiver and voices scream. That is what will happen tonight Cindy, that is where your head should be at. Not with what was, you have to look at what will be. Slade Craven ‘will be’ whipping some ass tonight. And no matter what Chris Cyrus or his tag partner Biggsy-Boy try to do. They will not change the outcome. Slade Craven is the prophet and he has come to kick ass tonight! Because when it all said and done, Cindy. All the dust has settled all the smoke has clear, after all the little 1960s special effect sound cards written in English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese and even New Zealandese drop from the screen only one thing will be crystal clear. Biggs and Cyrus will know what it means to Rue the day they ever crossed Slade!
He leans his head back as he says those words, a little different than he usually spills them. And despite Slade knows the people from New Zealand are Kiwis and he just made a bit of an ass out of himself for the sake of humor, he is ready. Slade is ready to go whip ass. He looks to his tag partner who now smiles. Slade is here and good to go. This one surely going to be One Hell of a Night.
