Post by "The Hottest Shit Going" on Jan 29, 2010 12:39:32 GMT -4
As Chubs steadies the camera I straighten out my shirt, and run my hand through my hair making sure I look presentable for TV. We are set up under the overpass on Bonanza road in Las Vegas, Nevada. If you haven't been to Las Vegas, Bonanza road is the hot spot of the vagrant community. Thats right the sea of homeless, close to the food shelters, and a prime spot to find refuge from the run or scorching heat that this town offers up for weather. The stench down here is quite putrid, a mixture of human feces, vomit, a six month build up of body oder with a dashing sprinkle of Top Ramen factory. Have you ever smelled a Ramen factory, it's one of the worse smells on this green Earth, imagine shitting in a bowl of gear oil and microwaving it for about a minute. Pull that steamy bowl of yum out of the microwave and add six dozen rotten eggs and a bucket of foul ass and there you have it, a Ramen Factory. Now you can imagine that lovely smell that we are standing in.
As I wrinkle my nose tying to block the smell from my mind, Chubs gives me the signal that he is ready and I step in front of the lens to begin this vignette for APW. It's funny how I can almost snap into character instantly, it's as if the second the camera turns toward me I expect hate, and usher in disgust from all who watch.
"You miserable scum of the earth fans are in for a treat today. You see this town of Las Vegas may call Sabur it's favorite son, but I am the one who the people of Las Vegas should be proud of. I am the one who has achieved greatness, I am the one who stands out in the crowd. Come New Years Retribution this town will know one name and one name alone, and that is the name of..."
"RUFFUS!!!!"
I can't help but burst into a chuckle as I turn my head looking toward RUFFUS the Stunt Bum. Chubs quickly backs up so the camera can capture both me and the famous Bum of the hit DVD Bum Fights.
"I was actually going to say Michael Lively Ruffus, but hey I'm sure your name will be huge as well."
The bum puts up his dukes for the camera and then slams his fists together showing off his tattooed knuckles. I kind of slide away from the guy as he seems to be offering up some of the order I mentioned earlier. His look is that of a man that has spent the last twenty or so years on these streets, bathing in gutter water, and eating from trash cans. I look back at the camera as I try to keep this piece of work I'm trying to put together moving along.
"Alright folks, today right here under the railroad pass on Bonanza road will we have a showdown of Epic proportions. We will be holding a no holds barred outdoor bum fight for the vacant B2K Homeless Xtreme title."
With that I pull out the Xtreme title APW used to use, you know the one they tried to present to me, a trash can lid with barbed wire hot glued to it, and an extension cord so it can be tied around a waist. I proudly hold this title up on display, showing Ruffus what he is about to put in work for. This crazy fuck smile huge showing his front gums as his teeth are MIA.
"The world witnessed me unveil the new Xtreme title on Overdrive, so there is no need for this piece of trash to keep cluttering up my home any longer. Besides look at this thing, it belongs he on the streets with people like Ruffus. So let us get to the introductions. First from the mean streets of Las Vegas, he is an undisputed king of homeless, the man who revolutionized this industry, and today you all know him as Homeless Michael Lively!!!"
I then clap my hands as Ruffus the Stunt Bum flips the raggy hood of his sweatshirt over his head and attempts to strike the JESUS pose wobbling back and forth. I think he is slightly drunk and a little groggy from his years of baking in the Las Vegas sun. I laugh a bit as Ruffus pretends to be me, and then I snap right into action with the other introduction as I see Ruffus's opponent crawling out from behind the chain link fence across the street.
"And his opponent, he is Las Vegas's favorite bum..."
You can see Ruffus get worked into a frenzy as he looks at me cross when I call someone else Las Vegas's favorite bum.
"Here is Homeless Sabur!!!!"
The fat bum waddling across the way doesn't even realize I'm talking about him. I whistle his direction and the big bastard flips me the bird.
"Alright Ruffus, the title is on the line, and that fucker thinks he owns Vegas. Better show him what time it is."
"Ruffus owns Vegas, not sloppy tits over there, RUFFUS!!!"
The bum begins swinging rights and lefts in the air like Popeye the Sailor Man as I make the ringing sound of a bell with my mouth. Ruffus takes off like a bat out of hell. He sprints into the streets dodging cars that blare their horns as the bum shows no concern for traffic laws.
"Ohhh, Ruffus getting Xtreme right off the bat by missing the hood of a Honda Accord narrowly"
Ruffus screaming a slew of curse words to the fat sloppy homeless Sabur as he gets in the mans face. I chuckle a bit as my heart races for the action about to get under way. Ruffus wastes no time a clocks the fat guy in the cheek with a right hand. Homeless Sabur turns his head and then belly bumps Homeless Lively otherwise known as Ruffus the Stunt Bum. Suddenly they engage into a furry of rights and left toward each other. Ruffus gets hoisted into the air with a double arm choke by the big man.
"Come on Ruffus, show him who's the man."
I cheer my favorite bum on from across the street as Chubs moves in closer to capture the footage on camera. Ruffus the Stunt Bum is tossed to the ground by Homeless Sabur. The man quickly grabs a plank of wood laying on the sidewalk and slams it into the legs of Homeless Sabur.
"Oh, folks Homeless Michael Lively is taking out Homeless Sabur with that nasty leg shot. Wait, it looks like Homeless Lively is going shopping. Ouch, he slammed a grocery cart into the body of Homeless Sabur."
I can't help but be entertained by the fight happening before my eyes. Homeless Sabur sits up holding his side, and wincing in pain. The man obviously has seen better days. In a twisted manor I almost grin as Ruffus the Stunt Bum drags his thumb across his throat, the man pulls off a half ass-ed super kick to his impromptu opponent sitting on the ground in pain. Homeless Sabur slumps over sideways from the boot shot as a cloud of dust fills the air after the impact.
"There it is folks the dusty ass super kick from Homeless Michael Lively. He looks to be going, well he's walking away from Homeless Sabur. I guess he figured he has won."
I pause as moment as Ruffus climbs up the underpass to where I'm standing. The bum struts with a certain swagger toward me, mumbling under his breath gasping for air heavily. I simply hand him his new trash can title.
"Here is your winner, and new B2K Homeless Xtreme champion, Homeless Michael Lively!!!"
"I'm not Michael Lively, I'm Ruffus...Ruffus the Stunt Bum, the baddest bum on the block."
"Yeah, yeah whatever just take your title and scram OK."
"You promised me a beer."
"A beer, please son you are the B2K Xtreme Champion people will just give you beer when you walk into the liquor store from now on, thats the privileged of that title your now wear. Sport it proudly Ruffus, sport it proudly."
"Really?"
I roll my eyes for the camera and then turn back to Ruffus.
"Really Ruffus, now scram will ya I have a promo to cut."
With that I pie face the homeless man to the ground. This radical vagrant stands up shuffling his feet enraged with the fact that I gave him the disrespectful shove.
"You want a piece of Ruffus, I will give you some Ru..."
Suddenly the man catches my foot to his toothless grille and falls to the ground out cold. The super kick works like a charm every time its brought to the dance.
"Alright now that he's under control, you witnessed it here first kiddies. A sort of Michael Lively prediction of how the match at NYR will end up between myself and Sabur. It's simple Sabur doesn't have the stripes to pilot the tank, he's low on the totem pole here in APW. His opinions are shit, his skills are trash, and the mother fucker has nothing to offer me as for a challenge. I hear him running his lips, talking a lot of bullshit, but from where I stand thats all fluff. He isn't the one who put in the work to be the Xtreme champion. He isn't the one who has held every title this company has to offer. No he's just the ignorant asshole that got his title striped from him because he wanted friends. Poor wittle Sabur needed to have a companion, needed someone to talk to. Well I exploited that weakness of his and the dumb bastard lost his belt and a year of his career thanks to it."
I look down toward Ruffus who seems to be stirring from the shot I gave him. I pause and wait for the man to get on his hands and knees then simply punt him in the ribs, and shove him down the hill. With a look of pleasure painted on my mean mug I turn back toward the camera and continue on with my rant.
"Sabur, you really think this House of Pain gimmick you have come up with presents challenge for me. You think YOU present a challenge for me. I mean it's the same old Sabur, with that same bag of bullshit. You rely on your power and some decent mat skills to pounce your way around a match. My speed and rapidly dangerous thinking mind will pick you apart. It was a cake walk to execute the plan that shelved your stupid ass, and it shouldn't be any different come NYR. I will expose your flaws once again, and one more time be standing over your bruised body as that look of ignorance comes over you, and you realize that Michael Lively once again beat that ass. It's a new year Sabur but everything else is still the same. You still eat shit inside the wrestling ring. I'm still the fucking man, and your once again will be sucking for air as I show you why I was groomed for this sport and you simply are just a hack. I mean Jason Royce is all you have accomplished since your return, thanks to me you were laying outside in snooze-ville U.S.A. during the eight man tag."
I turn toward the chain link fence behind me looking at the train that is passing by.
"Sabur, the thing you need to let soak into that rotted brain of yours is that it makes no difference to me. I could care less if we had a living room match at your parents home, where the winner gets to poke your mom in the butt after all is said and done. I am far more superior then you, and you are just some big sack of shit pretending to belong here. You don't care about this business. You could care less about this sport. I was bred for this your square jawed pickle puffer. This is why I wake up every morning, and the one thing filling my dreams when I lay my head down for rest. It isn't just a pay check for me, or something to project my face into stardom. Michael Lively will be something this business will never forget. I will forever by cemented in history as one of the very best, the cream of the crop. I play the game like no other has ever before me. People make their claims that I'm played out, immature, and overdone. The point is simply that my actions speak way louder then any of my foul words."
With that I turn back around starring the lens down as if it owed me money.
"Sabur the words are like everything else that comes with this game, an added bonus. I mean I have one of the highest paid contracts in wrestling history, and it's just a product of my greatness not the reason for it. Then again you are a child of privilege, and money doesn't really fuel your existence either. I fought for what I have, I earned my spots, and weather you choose to believe it or not I earned that world title right out from under neath your nose. It's part of the game big man, and I play it well. You should take a lesson, sit back and scribble down some notes, you might learn a thing or two. your chance will come around that bend once more, it just won't come at my benefit. This title I wear isn't going anywhere anytime soon. You want to piggy back your way to the top, then I suggest you find another horse to ride because I take no passengers. NYR will be just another testament to my achievements, a crowning of my greatness, and a chance for me to further prove with out a shadow of a doubt that there will never be another Michael Lively. On this night Sabur, people will remember my name, and recall the night that Michael Lively made history by taking out a living, breathing, homosexual giant Yettie live on PPV. Your big ass will fall, and the earth will quake as I stand still holding my title high in the air and my balls sag down dangling in your face. Then and only then will you realize the pecking order here in the APW. You will always be just bellow the sack....just say AHHHH, and don't forget to hum!"
With that I quickly drag my thumb across my throat cutting the scene off.
As I wrinkle my nose tying to block the smell from my mind, Chubs gives me the signal that he is ready and I step in front of the lens to begin this vignette for APW. It's funny how I can almost snap into character instantly, it's as if the second the camera turns toward me I expect hate, and usher in disgust from all who watch.
"You miserable scum of the earth fans are in for a treat today. You see this town of Las Vegas may call Sabur it's favorite son, but I am the one who the people of Las Vegas should be proud of. I am the one who has achieved greatness, I am the one who stands out in the crowd. Come New Years Retribution this town will know one name and one name alone, and that is the name of..."
"RUFFUS!!!!"
I can't help but burst into a chuckle as I turn my head looking toward RUFFUS the Stunt Bum. Chubs quickly backs up so the camera can capture both me and the famous Bum of the hit DVD Bum Fights.
"I was actually going to say Michael Lively Ruffus, but hey I'm sure your name will be huge as well."
The bum puts up his dukes for the camera and then slams his fists together showing off his tattooed knuckles. I kind of slide away from the guy as he seems to be offering up some of the order I mentioned earlier. His look is that of a man that has spent the last twenty or so years on these streets, bathing in gutter water, and eating from trash cans. I look back at the camera as I try to keep this piece of work I'm trying to put together moving along.
"Alright folks, today right here under the railroad pass on Bonanza road will we have a showdown of Epic proportions. We will be holding a no holds barred outdoor bum fight for the vacant B2K Homeless Xtreme title."
With that I pull out the Xtreme title APW used to use, you know the one they tried to present to me, a trash can lid with barbed wire hot glued to it, and an extension cord so it can be tied around a waist. I proudly hold this title up on display, showing Ruffus what he is about to put in work for. This crazy fuck smile huge showing his front gums as his teeth are MIA.
"The world witnessed me unveil the new Xtreme title on Overdrive, so there is no need for this piece of trash to keep cluttering up my home any longer. Besides look at this thing, it belongs he on the streets with people like Ruffus. So let us get to the introductions. First from the mean streets of Las Vegas, he is an undisputed king of homeless, the man who revolutionized this industry, and today you all know him as Homeless Michael Lively!!!"
I then clap my hands as Ruffus the Stunt Bum flips the raggy hood of his sweatshirt over his head and attempts to strike the JESUS pose wobbling back and forth. I think he is slightly drunk and a little groggy from his years of baking in the Las Vegas sun. I laugh a bit as Ruffus pretends to be me, and then I snap right into action with the other introduction as I see Ruffus's opponent crawling out from behind the chain link fence across the street.
"And his opponent, he is Las Vegas's favorite bum..."
You can see Ruffus get worked into a frenzy as he looks at me cross when I call someone else Las Vegas's favorite bum.
"Here is Homeless Sabur!!!!"
The fat bum waddling across the way doesn't even realize I'm talking about him. I whistle his direction and the big bastard flips me the bird.
"Alright Ruffus, the title is on the line, and that fucker thinks he owns Vegas. Better show him what time it is."
"Ruffus owns Vegas, not sloppy tits over there, RUFFUS!!!"
The bum begins swinging rights and lefts in the air like Popeye the Sailor Man as I make the ringing sound of a bell with my mouth. Ruffus takes off like a bat out of hell. He sprints into the streets dodging cars that blare their horns as the bum shows no concern for traffic laws.
"Ohhh, Ruffus getting Xtreme right off the bat by missing the hood of a Honda Accord narrowly"
Ruffus screaming a slew of curse words to the fat sloppy homeless Sabur as he gets in the mans face. I chuckle a bit as my heart races for the action about to get under way. Ruffus wastes no time a clocks the fat guy in the cheek with a right hand. Homeless Sabur turns his head and then belly bumps Homeless Lively otherwise known as Ruffus the Stunt Bum. Suddenly they engage into a furry of rights and left toward each other. Ruffus gets hoisted into the air with a double arm choke by the big man.
"Come on Ruffus, show him who's the man."
I cheer my favorite bum on from across the street as Chubs moves in closer to capture the footage on camera. Ruffus the Stunt Bum is tossed to the ground by Homeless Sabur. The man quickly grabs a plank of wood laying on the sidewalk and slams it into the legs of Homeless Sabur.
"Oh, folks Homeless Michael Lively is taking out Homeless Sabur with that nasty leg shot. Wait, it looks like Homeless Lively is going shopping. Ouch, he slammed a grocery cart into the body of Homeless Sabur."
I can't help but be entertained by the fight happening before my eyes. Homeless Sabur sits up holding his side, and wincing in pain. The man obviously has seen better days. In a twisted manor I almost grin as Ruffus the Stunt Bum drags his thumb across his throat, the man pulls off a half ass-ed super kick to his impromptu opponent sitting on the ground in pain. Homeless Sabur slumps over sideways from the boot shot as a cloud of dust fills the air after the impact.
"There it is folks the dusty ass super kick from Homeless Michael Lively. He looks to be going, well he's walking away from Homeless Sabur. I guess he figured he has won."
I pause as moment as Ruffus climbs up the underpass to where I'm standing. The bum struts with a certain swagger toward me, mumbling under his breath gasping for air heavily. I simply hand him his new trash can title.
"Here is your winner, and new B2K Homeless Xtreme champion, Homeless Michael Lively!!!"
"I'm not Michael Lively, I'm Ruffus...Ruffus the Stunt Bum, the baddest bum on the block."
"Yeah, yeah whatever just take your title and scram OK."
"You promised me a beer."
"A beer, please son you are the B2K Xtreme Champion people will just give you beer when you walk into the liquor store from now on, thats the privileged of that title your now wear. Sport it proudly Ruffus, sport it proudly."
"Really?"
I roll my eyes for the camera and then turn back to Ruffus.
"Really Ruffus, now scram will ya I have a promo to cut."
With that I pie face the homeless man to the ground. This radical vagrant stands up shuffling his feet enraged with the fact that I gave him the disrespectful shove.
"You want a piece of Ruffus, I will give you some Ru..."
Suddenly the man catches my foot to his toothless grille and falls to the ground out cold. The super kick works like a charm every time its brought to the dance.
"Alright now that he's under control, you witnessed it here first kiddies. A sort of Michael Lively prediction of how the match at NYR will end up between myself and Sabur. It's simple Sabur doesn't have the stripes to pilot the tank, he's low on the totem pole here in APW. His opinions are shit, his skills are trash, and the mother fucker has nothing to offer me as for a challenge. I hear him running his lips, talking a lot of bullshit, but from where I stand thats all fluff. He isn't the one who put in the work to be the Xtreme champion. He isn't the one who has held every title this company has to offer. No he's just the ignorant asshole that got his title striped from him because he wanted friends. Poor wittle Sabur needed to have a companion, needed someone to talk to. Well I exploited that weakness of his and the dumb bastard lost his belt and a year of his career thanks to it."
I look down toward Ruffus who seems to be stirring from the shot I gave him. I pause and wait for the man to get on his hands and knees then simply punt him in the ribs, and shove him down the hill. With a look of pleasure painted on my mean mug I turn back toward the camera and continue on with my rant.
"Sabur, you really think this House of Pain gimmick you have come up with presents challenge for me. You think YOU present a challenge for me. I mean it's the same old Sabur, with that same bag of bullshit. You rely on your power and some decent mat skills to pounce your way around a match. My speed and rapidly dangerous thinking mind will pick you apart. It was a cake walk to execute the plan that shelved your stupid ass, and it shouldn't be any different come NYR. I will expose your flaws once again, and one more time be standing over your bruised body as that look of ignorance comes over you, and you realize that Michael Lively once again beat that ass. It's a new year Sabur but everything else is still the same. You still eat shit inside the wrestling ring. I'm still the fucking man, and your once again will be sucking for air as I show you why I was groomed for this sport and you simply are just a hack. I mean Jason Royce is all you have accomplished since your return, thanks to me you were laying outside in snooze-ville U.S.A. during the eight man tag."
I turn toward the chain link fence behind me looking at the train that is passing by.
"Sabur, the thing you need to let soak into that rotted brain of yours is that it makes no difference to me. I could care less if we had a living room match at your parents home, where the winner gets to poke your mom in the butt after all is said and done. I am far more superior then you, and you are just some big sack of shit pretending to belong here. You don't care about this business. You could care less about this sport. I was bred for this your square jawed pickle puffer. This is why I wake up every morning, and the one thing filling my dreams when I lay my head down for rest. It isn't just a pay check for me, or something to project my face into stardom. Michael Lively will be something this business will never forget. I will forever by cemented in history as one of the very best, the cream of the crop. I play the game like no other has ever before me. People make their claims that I'm played out, immature, and overdone. The point is simply that my actions speak way louder then any of my foul words."
With that I turn back around starring the lens down as if it owed me money.
"Sabur the words are like everything else that comes with this game, an added bonus. I mean I have one of the highest paid contracts in wrestling history, and it's just a product of my greatness not the reason for it. Then again you are a child of privilege, and money doesn't really fuel your existence either. I fought for what I have, I earned my spots, and weather you choose to believe it or not I earned that world title right out from under neath your nose. It's part of the game big man, and I play it well. You should take a lesson, sit back and scribble down some notes, you might learn a thing or two. your chance will come around that bend once more, it just won't come at my benefit. This title I wear isn't going anywhere anytime soon. You want to piggy back your way to the top, then I suggest you find another horse to ride because I take no passengers. NYR will be just another testament to my achievements, a crowning of my greatness, and a chance for me to further prove with out a shadow of a doubt that there will never be another Michael Lively. On this night Sabur, people will remember my name, and recall the night that Michael Lively made history by taking out a living, breathing, homosexual giant Yettie live on PPV. Your big ass will fall, and the earth will quake as I stand still holding my title high in the air and my balls sag down dangling in your face. Then and only then will you realize the pecking order here in the APW. You will always be just bellow the sack....just say AHHHH, and don't forget to hum!"
With that I quickly drag my thumb across my throat cutting the scene off.
