Post by Mark Mania on Jul 2, 2010 14:45:31 GMT -4
The scene opens in Crazy Joe's office. Crazy Joe is dressed in a suit and is currently running on his treadmill. Crazy Joe looks up at the clock to his left and then back straight forward. He does a quick double take and then immediately jumps off of the treadmill. He rips off the suit coat, then the tie, then the shirt. The scars over his chest are radiating. He runs by the camera and into the kitchen. He grabs a water from the fridge and then runs to the left and into the bathroom. You can hear the shower going. Crazy Joe starts singing along to an Everly Brothers song...
Crazy Joe (singing): Just dreeeaaamm, dream, dream, dreeeeeeam.
All of a suddeny Crazy Joe's pants get thrown out of the bathroom and by the camera. After that his boxers...and finally...his mask. You can hear the shower going for a little longer. The doorbell rings.
Crazy Joe: Fuck!
You can hear the shower stop and Crazy Joe start to rush around in the bathroom. The camera is focused on Crazy Joe's mask. The door opens and the camera quickly tries to pan up to Crazy Joe's face. He holds the camera down with his hand.
Crazy Joe: Oh no you don't.
Crazy Joe holds the camera down still as he rushes into his bedroom. The doorbell rings again.
Crazy Joe: Hold fucking on!
Crazy Joe is in his bedroom for a second longer. He opens the door slightly.
Crazy Joe: Throw in the mask, man.
The camera man is hesitant to do so.
Crazy Joe: Throw in the damn mask.
The camera man throws in the mask and Crazy Joe slams the door shut behind him. As soon as the door shuts, it opens again and Crazy Joe comes out, in a different suit, but with mask back firmly on his face. He begins walking towards the door.
Crazy Joe: On my way!
Crazy Joe walks towards the door and quickly checks himself in the mirror. He opens up the door, and there is standing the beauty herself, Emily.
Crazy Joe: Oh Emily, thank you so much for coming back.
Emily: Thank you for having me back, I was hoping that I had made a good impression.
Crazy Joe: You certainly made quite the impression. Please, sit.
Crazy Joe leads Emily into his office again and has her sit down across from him. Only one chair on the other side of the desk today.
Crazy Joe: Well Emily, I will say, I interviewed many different girls for this job, I really thought I would never find one that would work out for me. But, I must say, you are something special, something...different. I'm really glad you came in to interview and frankly, I was nothing but impressed from the second I met you.
Emily: Well, Sir, I don't even know what to say, does, does this mean that I got the job?
Crazy Joe: Well, Emily, I want to offer you the job, but, before any of that occurs, I need you to know the type of person that I am. The type of pain that I can cause and the type of destruction that I have caused.
Emily: I'm not sure I know what you mean.
Crazy Joe: At Test for the Best I'm in a match to win the Xtreme Title from Michael Lively. So, I looked into some of my old matches from Japan to watch the kind of brutality I have been through before. I wanted to show you these before you agreed to work with me...
Crazy Joe looks directly into the camera.
Crazy Joe: And I wanted to show them to you Lively, Cooper, Wilson, Hades.
Crazy Joe goes back to not breaking the fourth wall.
Emily: Uh, okay sir. I'm sure it's nothing I haven't seen before
Crazy Joe: Well, you were warned.
Crazy Joe stands up and motions for Emily to do the same. They walk over to the couch on the other side of the room. Crazy Joe motions for Emily to sit down as he walks over to the TV and grabs a DVD. He opens the DVD and looks at it for an extra second. He walks over to the DVD player and puts the DVD into it. He steps back and grabs the remote off of the side table. He presses play and crosses his arms.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a JWF special! My name is Jao Yeung Him, I'm here from JWF to bring you a special insight into the mind of Crazy Joe. He's a wreslter who doesn't speak much, mostly because he can't speak a word of Japanese, but his actions have spoken far louder than any words he could possibly speak. The first match we'll show you is the famous Four-Corners-Of-Hell match. The stipulations for this match was that each corner would have a different danger attached. One corner was covered in barbed wire, one corner had two chairs lodged in the corner, one corner has a wooden board with tacks and finishing nails all up and down the board, and the final corner is another wooden board, but this one is laced in gasoline. Behind the corner lies a box of matches. If someone would like to light the board...then so be it. Here's the highlights from that match...
Crazy Joe is standing in the center of the ring, his opponent, The Flying Dutchman is standing up right against him. Crazy Joe punches the Dutchman, the Dutchman fires back, Crazy Joe punches, Dutchman fires back, Crazy Joe punches, he gets the upper hand, he punches again, and again, he grapples the Dutchman, and immediately throws him into the barbed wire corner! The Dutchman bounces off the corner and falls flat on his stomach grabbing his back. You can see the bloody marks all over his back.
Crazy Joe has Dutchman in a grapple, he lifts him up for a suplex, he holds him up longer, Crazy Joe is walking with the Dutchman still inverted up in the air!! Crazy Joe notices the board with nails and tacks, he sets himself up near it, Dutchman still in tow, he falls backwards and The Dutchman falls to the corner half of his body over the ropes and the other half hitting the board of nails and tacks. There is plenty of collatoral damage as Crazy Joe has taken quite a bit of damage himself. Crazy Joe and the Dutchman are laying flat out on the ground. Crazy Joe sits up as the Dutchman is still clutching at his back that is now completely full of tacks and blood.
Crazy Joe has The Dutchman set for a DDT, but the Dutchman gets a burst of energy and runs Crazy Joe into the corner of barbed wire, The Dutchman backs out and spears Joe into the corner, and again! Oh God! The Dutchman grabs Crazy Joes arms and sends him flying across the ring and INTO THE BOARD OF NAILS AND TACKS!! Crazy Joe couldn't turn around quick enough and he went chest first into the board. Crazy Joe falls to the ground and is clutching at his chest. The Dutchman is standing over him.
The Dutchman has Crazy Joe in the barbed wire corner and is wailing away on him. Crazy Joe is taking the hits while trying to cover his face. The Dutchman starts to hit slower and is wearing out, finally the punches are coming slower and slower, Crazy Joe stands up right and is now taking the punches without flinching or covering himself up. He takes a punch to the face, and another. He pushes him off and starts to take the upper hand. Crazy Joe starts punching back and forth, left and right, and then kicks the Dutchman in the stomach. He grabs him for a DDT, and nails it! Crazy Joe jumps up to his feet and grabs the Dutchman by the back of the head. He grabs his arm and throws him into the corner with the chairs! The Dutchman crashes hard into the chairs but Crazy Joe is rushing behind him! He jumps high and crashes into the Dutchman, punishing him into the chairs. Crazy Joe bounces off and grabs the Dutchman by the back of the head and just starts furiously pounding his head into the chairs. Crazy Joe backs up and brings the Dutchman with him. With one last powerful throw Crazy Joe sends the Dutchman head first into the chairs and the Dutchman goes down.
The Dutchman is down and Crazy Joe is going towards the gasoline laced board. He reaches behind the board and grabs the matches. The Dutchman is beginning to get up. Crazy Joe struggles with the first match and throws it to the side. The second one lights immediately, Dutchman charges from behind and he DROPKICKS CRAZY JOE INTO THE BOARD! The board egnites with Crazy Joe on top of it! Crazy Joe is rolling around trying to get away from the board! He rolls away from it and there are hints of fire on his pants still, his chest looks scorched, The Dutchman comes charging at him trying to kick him while he's down. Crazy Joe grabs the Dutchman's foot when he comes in for a kick and immediately throws an ankle lock that drops the Dutchman to the ground squeeling in pain. Crazy Joe releases the hold and stands himself up. He walks over the flaming board and kicks it out of the corner and almost to the center of the ring. The Dutchman is up and charges after Crazy Joe in the corner. The Dutchman has Joe in the corner and is trying to throw punches, but Crazy Joe is countering every one. Finally Crazy Joe spins the Dutchman around, and lifts him up to the top rope, Crazy Joe is nailing body punches the whole way up. The Dutchman seems dazed. Crazy Joe climbs up the rope with the Dutchman, Crazy Joe looks behind him at the flaming board. He grabs the Dutchman around the head. He jumps back.... CRAZY DDT ONTO THE FLAMING BOARD!! Crazy Joe jumps up quick but the Dutchman is writhing in pain rolling around trying to get off the board but he can't! Crazy Joe stands near the flame, he puts his foot on the Dutchmans chest while the Dutchman is still in the flames! The referree counts quickly! 1...2...3!!! Crazy Joe wins!
What a match that was, now for the second match...
Emily: No! Not another one, no!
Emily gets up from the couch as Crazy Joe looks stunned. Emily starts walking towards the door.
Crazy Joe: Emily wait!
Emily: Knowing that you could be hurt like that is too much. I don't want that responsibility.
Crazy Joe: Wait, what, you're worried about me?
Emily: Yes! Obviously I'm worried about you! You could die!
Crazy Joe stops in his tracks as he tries to comprehend this.
Crazy Joe: But, I'm fine, I'm, I'm not worried about me, I thought you were going to think I was sick and twisted.
Emily: I don't give a damn about that! That's what you have to do, but to see you get hurt like that is too damn much!
Crazy Joe walks towards Emily and holds the door so she can't leave.
Crazy Joe: Emily, I will be fine, do not leave because you're worried about me. I can handle myself perfectly fine. Those matches in Japan are as extreme as they get. The guys here in APW wouldn't know how to handle themselves if they were in such a situation. The Xtreme Title division is simple compared to what I've been through before. For goodness sake, Michael Lively would probably pee himself if he saw a Four-Corners-Of-Hell match.
Emily stops struggling at the door.
Emily: I don't want to see you on fire, Sir.
Crazy Joe: I don't want to see me on fire either, Emily. Please, take the job, and if I'm on fire ever, you can quit.
Emily walks back towards the desk and sits in the chair. She seems overwhelmed by the situation.
Crazy Joe: Emily, please, take out the voice recorder, it's time.
Emily looks at Crazy Joe stunned. She sits there staring longer, Crazy Joe nods his head yes. Emily pulls the tape recorder out of her pocket and presses record...
Crazy Joe: I showed this video here tonight not to intimidate anyone, not to brag to anyone, just merely to showcase my ability, and offer a little back story into my life. I realize that here in APW we have what you call an Xtreme Title, but, I have not seen many, Xtreme, wrestlers here that would be able to handle the type of extreme matches that I have seen before. I was in a federation where truly the only types of matches that existed were extreme matches. So listen up good, I'm not here to say be afraid of me, but, it wouldn't be bad advice if I did say it.
Crazy Joe walks closer to his desk.
Crazy Joe: I'm really excited for Test for the Best, this is the second Pay-Per-View that I've been a part of at APW and my first one was very successful. Being able to win at a PPV is a very important part of being a professional wrestler. The PPV is the biggest stage of all and damn am I glad to be a part of another great APW PPV. There are some obvious differences between this PPV and the last one that I was a part of. At Mayhem I was dealing with a nobody, someone that had just rubbed me the wrong way when I first joined APW. I was glad to quickly dispose of him and make my way up through the ranks. So here we have ourselves at Test for the Best. I get to face off against some difficult competitors and I get the chance to walk away from Test for the Best with my first piece of gold in APW. The Xtreme Title is certainly a great place to start and I am definitely very excited to begin my reign as a champion. But obviously, before we get to that point, there are just a few people that I have to beat through, and I do mean, BEAT through. Michael Lively, Cooper Conrad, Streets Wilson, and Victor Hades. I'll be honest, the only one that I actually know about is Michael Lively, because well, we've had our little history the past month or so. These other guys, oh well, who gives a damn about them. Oh shit, and Streets Wilson, I just beat that guy didn't I?
Emily gives Joe a stern look encouraging him to elaborate on the other competitors.
Crazy Joe: But, I guess that doesn't mean I should ignore you completely. So here's the deal, Cooper, or Coop, I like Coop, reminds me of that guy from Baseketball. What a ridiculous movie. Coop was the hero in that movie though, and unfortunately for you, you're not going to be the hero of this matchup. I mean, sure, your story is great, newcomer to APW, been in what, one match maybe? That's all well and good, but let's not pretend like you actually belong in this match. I've been paying my dues for the past two months and I earned this shot, and so help me God if some little punk like you walks in and tries to share in my spotlight. Oh hell no little man, this is my time. A new era has dawned upon the Xtreme division at APW and it's the era of Crazy. It's about time that someone who could actually handle themselves in an Xtreme match was the one who was called Xtreme Champion. Frankly Coop, I don't think you have what it takes. I don't think you can handle what a person has to do to be able to succeed in an Xtreme match. When you and I meet in the ring, believe me, it's not going to be pretty, with no-holds barred I am going to make very quick work of you. You can tell your grandkids that one time you got to fight for the Xtreme Championship in APW, but you lost to one of the craziest bastards you'd ever met. That will be a nice story for them Coop, tell them I came up with the story too, they'll really be impressed that you were able to steal a story from someone so amazing.
Moral of the story for you here Coop is that you're in above your head. You don't have what it takes, and that's fine. You don't have the balls, and that's fine. But let's not have you come around here pretending that you're something you're not. You're a nobody who got a lucky title shot and we can leave it at that. So, enjoy your time in the limelight kid, it's not going to last much longer.
Emily smiles encouragingly.
Crazy Joe: Which brings me to the next spotlight stealer. Mr. Victor Hades, someone that apparently has quite the past in APW, but it was before my time, so I'm completely unaffected by it. I don't care if you won tournaments or won matches or what you did. None of these things are going to effect me one bit. What I know is that you haven't beat me, and to me, that says you're not going to beat me. I've worked off my rust and I am back on the top of my game and I can't wait to drive you into the ground. The glorious return of Victor Hades is going to quickly turn in to the poor story of the fall of Victor Hades. So much potential, but unfortunately, Crazy Joe put his head through a fucking table and he hasn't been able to say anything except for "Cookie yummy" for the past three years. I'm sure everyone will be looking fondly at your memory my man. Everyone will rave of the "Cookie Yummy" guy. Used to be great, now he's a retard. What a legacy to have.
Listen guy, I don't care how scary you seem, or how tough you're trying to come off, because here's the issue, I'm crazy, literally. How do you think I got the name? Dictionary? No, I'm out of my goddamn mind. I'll kick your ass six ways from Sunday and then I'll laugh when you start throwing a bunch of goth stuff my way and then I'll piss all over your little parade of non-conformity and point out that you look like every other little 13 year old punk-rock loser with make-up on. I'm not impressed by your stage presence, you just seem like someone that still can't get by the fact that "the man" is running things. Grow up guy, no one gives a shit about you and your runny eyeliner.
Emily chuckles to herself a little bit. Crazy Joe cracks a smile himself.
Crazy Joe: And then there is Streets Wilson. What can I say about you man? I beat you fair and square, hell, I kicked your ass. I mean, it was great to get in the ring with you and see what my competition was going to be like, but, in reality, it probably did more harm than good for me. I don't want to start wrestling down to your level, I may very well go backwards in my wrestling ability if I have to keep getting in the ring with you. Either way, you had the same type of "glorious" return thing that Hades has going on, and we saw how terrible that went over for you. So, since I ended your glorious return, and I'm about to end Victor Hades glorious return, let's just eliminate all the stress and not have morons like you try stepping back into the ring in the first place. If you're going to try and wrestle with the likes of me, at least pretend like you're going to show up for a wrestling match ok?
Crazy Joe takes a deep breath.
Crazy Joe: Which brings me to the last man on my list of extreme wussies that I'm facing. Michael Lively, you weird little man. You talk about how I'm some huge freak of a man. Hey, I'm 6'3. Relax guy, this is all muscle, I know that I'm no luchador, I'm just a man who is hiding his identity. Because being a man in a mask doesn't mean that I'm hiding from morons like you, it means that I'm hiding from myself. Don't you watch movies?
Clearly you watch plenty of television because you figured the best way for someone to actually know who you were was to track down Dog the Bounty Hunter. Are you kidding me man? Dog? Really? How did that seem like a good idea? You and your midgit friend just get really drunk and start trying to think up ideas? I understand that you think you're the Jesus or whatever it is, but let's not kid yourself. Messing around with Dog is like messing around with Sasquach. Make a beef jerky commercial about it and leave us all the hell alone. You want me to be impressed, go mess with Chuck Norris or something. Don't bring this cable television hack around here and expect anyone to give a rats ass. You're better off redoing your house and getting on HGTV or something, at least then people won't think you're such a nancy boy.
You know, I'd like to comment about the things that you said about me, but my 13 year old cousin wasn't around to explain to me exactly what it was that you said. Seriously, where did that vocabulary come from? Middle school? I remember when I was 16 and used to say "fuck, dick, balls" every other word and everyone thought I was the man. Maybe if you weren't hanging out in the school yard so much looking for the next little kid to pick up you'd realize that you're in the real world now. These little amateurish insults don't mean a thing to me. Jake the Snake was the best. He had a drinking problem, but that's what adults have. We have drinking problems. Like you, you're a child, so you have a swearing problem and likely a pissing in the bed problem. You've been living in a dream world here in APW and I have no idea how nobody has kicked your ass out of it yet, but believe you me, I'm really hoping that it can be me that walks away with that title. Because to see the look on your little kid, retard face is going to be hilarious. There is going to be no way out of this match for you kid. All of this bull shit you've been talking is finally starting to catch up with you and finally someone is going to see what a moron you actually are. The next time I want to listen to someone go on a stupid little rant like that I'm going to go to the mall and start screaming how Twilight sucks. We'll see who has a better use of the English language, you or pre-teen Twilight freaks.
Seriously man, you want to list the things I'm going to need to kick your ass? I'll tell you what I need, I need my fists and my feet. That's all I need. But what do I want to kick your ass with? Oh well, that's a whole different story, I'll take the bat wrapped with barbed-wire, that's a classic. Maybe a couple of chairs so that you'll have a ringing in your ear for the next month, that'd be great. I'd love to see your raggity-ass body get thrown through a table or two, so that could be special. All I'm saying is Lively, listen, you've got a big head boy, but you can rest assured that I am going to use any piece of weaponry I can find to try and shrink that head of yours.
Crazy Joe does the "kill it" signal with his hand across his throat and Emily stops recording.
Crazy Joe: What did you think?
Emily: Certainly convincing Sir. But, could I ask, how do you have time to watch so much TV and make these television references?
Crazy Joe: Emily, I'm literally crazy, I barely sleep, it's a complete mess. I watch reruns until 4am just about every day, absolutely pathetic. Which reminds me, could you go pick me up some Ambien, I need to get some sleep before this match.
Emily: Certainly sir. So, do I work for you now?
Crazy Joe: Not unless you get me the damn Ambien.
Emily looks concerned.
Crazy Joe: I'm joking girl, you work for me, get the Ambien, the door will be open, I'll have a key made up for you, your bedroom is up the stairs and to the right.
Emily: Okay sir.
Crazy Joe: I mean, the left, shit, I don't know, if I'm asleep naked in the bed, that's probably not your room.
Emily giggles.
Emily: Okay sir.
Emily walks to the door, opens it, and walks out. Crazy Joe sits down in the chair that Emily was in and smiles.
Crazy Joe (singing): Just dreeeaaamm, dream, dream, dreeeeeeam.
All of a suddeny Crazy Joe's pants get thrown out of the bathroom and by the camera. After that his boxers...and finally...his mask. You can hear the shower going for a little longer. The doorbell rings.
Crazy Joe: Fuck!
You can hear the shower stop and Crazy Joe start to rush around in the bathroom. The camera is focused on Crazy Joe's mask. The door opens and the camera quickly tries to pan up to Crazy Joe's face. He holds the camera down with his hand.
Crazy Joe: Oh no you don't.
Crazy Joe holds the camera down still as he rushes into his bedroom. The doorbell rings again.
Crazy Joe: Hold fucking on!
Crazy Joe is in his bedroom for a second longer. He opens the door slightly.
Crazy Joe: Throw in the mask, man.
The camera man is hesitant to do so.
Crazy Joe: Throw in the damn mask.
The camera man throws in the mask and Crazy Joe slams the door shut behind him. As soon as the door shuts, it opens again and Crazy Joe comes out, in a different suit, but with mask back firmly on his face. He begins walking towards the door.
Crazy Joe: On my way!
Crazy Joe walks towards the door and quickly checks himself in the mirror. He opens up the door, and there is standing the beauty herself, Emily.
Crazy Joe: Oh Emily, thank you so much for coming back.
Emily: Thank you for having me back, I was hoping that I had made a good impression.
Crazy Joe: You certainly made quite the impression. Please, sit.
Crazy Joe leads Emily into his office again and has her sit down across from him. Only one chair on the other side of the desk today.
Crazy Joe: Well Emily, I will say, I interviewed many different girls for this job, I really thought I would never find one that would work out for me. But, I must say, you are something special, something...different. I'm really glad you came in to interview and frankly, I was nothing but impressed from the second I met you.
Emily: Well, Sir, I don't even know what to say, does, does this mean that I got the job?
Crazy Joe: Well, Emily, I want to offer you the job, but, before any of that occurs, I need you to know the type of person that I am. The type of pain that I can cause and the type of destruction that I have caused.
Emily: I'm not sure I know what you mean.
Crazy Joe: At Test for the Best I'm in a match to win the Xtreme Title from Michael Lively. So, I looked into some of my old matches from Japan to watch the kind of brutality I have been through before. I wanted to show you these before you agreed to work with me...
Crazy Joe looks directly into the camera.
Crazy Joe: And I wanted to show them to you Lively, Cooper, Wilson, Hades.
Crazy Joe goes back to not breaking the fourth wall.
Emily: Uh, okay sir. I'm sure it's nothing I haven't seen before
Crazy Joe: Well, you were warned.
Crazy Joe stands up and motions for Emily to do the same. They walk over to the couch on the other side of the room. Crazy Joe motions for Emily to sit down as he walks over to the TV and grabs a DVD. He opens the DVD and looks at it for an extra second. He walks over to the DVD player and puts the DVD into it. He steps back and grabs the remote off of the side table. He presses play and crosses his arms.
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a JWF special! My name is Jao Yeung Him, I'm here from JWF to bring you a special insight into the mind of Crazy Joe. He's a wreslter who doesn't speak much, mostly because he can't speak a word of Japanese, but his actions have spoken far louder than any words he could possibly speak. The first match we'll show you is the famous Four-Corners-Of-Hell match. The stipulations for this match was that each corner would have a different danger attached. One corner was covered in barbed wire, one corner had two chairs lodged in the corner, one corner has a wooden board with tacks and finishing nails all up and down the board, and the final corner is another wooden board, but this one is laced in gasoline. Behind the corner lies a box of matches. If someone would like to light the board...then so be it. Here's the highlights from that match...
Crazy Joe is standing in the center of the ring, his opponent, The Flying Dutchman is standing up right against him. Crazy Joe punches the Dutchman, the Dutchman fires back, Crazy Joe punches, Dutchman fires back, Crazy Joe punches, he gets the upper hand, he punches again, and again, he grapples the Dutchman, and immediately throws him into the barbed wire corner! The Dutchman bounces off the corner and falls flat on his stomach grabbing his back. You can see the bloody marks all over his back.
Flashforward
Crazy Joe has Dutchman in a grapple, he lifts him up for a suplex, he holds him up longer, Crazy Joe is walking with the Dutchman still inverted up in the air!! Crazy Joe notices the board with nails and tacks, he sets himself up near it, Dutchman still in tow, he falls backwards and The Dutchman falls to the corner half of his body over the ropes and the other half hitting the board of nails and tacks. There is plenty of collatoral damage as Crazy Joe has taken quite a bit of damage himself. Crazy Joe and the Dutchman are laying flat out on the ground. Crazy Joe sits up as the Dutchman is still clutching at his back that is now completely full of tacks and blood.
Flashfoward
Crazy Joe has The Dutchman set for a DDT, but the Dutchman gets a burst of energy and runs Crazy Joe into the corner of barbed wire, The Dutchman backs out and spears Joe into the corner, and again! Oh God! The Dutchman grabs Crazy Joes arms and sends him flying across the ring and INTO THE BOARD OF NAILS AND TACKS!! Crazy Joe couldn't turn around quick enough and he went chest first into the board. Crazy Joe falls to the ground and is clutching at his chest. The Dutchman is standing over him.
Flashfoward
The Dutchman has Crazy Joe in the barbed wire corner and is wailing away on him. Crazy Joe is taking the hits while trying to cover his face. The Dutchman starts to hit slower and is wearing out, finally the punches are coming slower and slower, Crazy Joe stands up right and is now taking the punches without flinching or covering himself up. He takes a punch to the face, and another. He pushes him off and starts to take the upper hand. Crazy Joe starts punching back and forth, left and right, and then kicks the Dutchman in the stomach. He grabs him for a DDT, and nails it! Crazy Joe jumps up to his feet and grabs the Dutchman by the back of the head. He grabs his arm and throws him into the corner with the chairs! The Dutchman crashes hard into the chairs but Crazy Joe is rushing behind him! He jumps high and crashes into the Dutchman, punishing him into the chairs. Crazy Joe bounces off and grabs the Dutchman by the back of the head and just starts furiously pounding his head into the chairs. Crazy Joe backs up and brings the Dutchman with him. With one last powerful throw Crazy Joe sends the Dutchman head first into the chairs and the Dutchman goes down.
Flashfoward
The Dutchman is down and Crazy Joe is going towards the gasoline laced board. He reaches behind the board and grabs the matches. The Dutchman is beginning to get up. Crazy Joe struggles with the first match and throws it to the side. The second one lights immediately, Dutchman charges from behind and he DROPKICKS CRAZY JOE INTO THE BOARD! The board egnites with Crazy Joe on top of it! Crazy Joe is rolling around trying to get away from the board! He rolls away from it and there are hints of fire on his pants still, his chest looks scorched, The Dutchman comes charging at him trying to kick him while he's down. Crazy Joe grabs the Dutchman's foot when he comes in for a kick and immediately throws an ankle lock that drops the Dutchman to the ground squeeling in pain. Crazy Joe releases the hold and stands himself up. He walks over the flaming board and kicks it out of the corner and almost to the center of the ring. The Dutchman is up and charges after Crazy Joe in the corner. The Dutchman has Joe in the corner and is trying to throw punches, but Crazy Joe is countering every one. Finally Crazy Joe spins the Dutchman around, and lifts him up to the top rope, Crazy Joe is nailing body punches the whole way up. The Dutchman seems dazed. Crazy Joe climbs up the rope with the Dutchman, Crazy Joe looks behind him at the flaming board. He grabs the Dutchman around the head. He jumps back.... CRAZY DDT ONTO THE FLAMING BOARD!! Crazy Joe jumps up quick but the Dutchman is writhing in pain rolling around trying to get off the board but he can't! Crazy Joe stands near the flame, he puts his foot on the Dutchmans chest while the Dutchman is still in the flames! The referree counts quickly! 1...2...3!!! Crazy Joe wins!
Flash back to Jao Yueng Him
What a match that was, now for the second match...
Emily: No! Not another one, no!
Emily gets up from the couch as Crazy Joe looks stunned. Emily starts walking towards the door.
Crazy Joe: Emily wait!
Emily: Knowing that you could be hurt like that is too much. I don't want that responsibility.
Crazy Joe: Wait, what, you're worried about me?
Emily: Yes! Obviously I'm worried about you! You could die!
Crazy Joe stops in his tracks as he tries to comprehend this.
Crazy Joe: But, I'm fine, I'm, I'm not worried about me, I thought you were going to think I was sick and twisted.
Emily: I don't give a damn about that! That's what you have to do, but to see you get hurt like that is too damn much!
Crazy Joe walks towards Emily and holds the door so she can't leave.
Crazy Joe: Emily, I will be fine, do not leave because you're worried about me. I can handle myself perfectly fine. Those matches in Japan are as extreme as they get. The guys here in APW wouldn't know how to handle themselves if they were in such a situation. The Xtreme Title division is simple compared to what I've been through before. For goodness sake, Michael Lively would probably pee himself if he saw a Four-Corners-Of-Hell match.
Emily stops struggling at the door.
Emily: I don't want to see you on fire, Sir.
Crazy Joe: I don't want to see me on fire either, Emily. Please, take the job, and if I'm on fire ever, you can quit.
Emily walks back towards the desk and sits in the chair. She seems overwhelmed by the situation.
Crazy Joe: Emily, please, take out the voice recorder, it's time.
Emily looks at Crazy Joe stunned. She sits there staring longer, Crazy Joe nods his head yes. Emily pulls the tape recorder out of her pocket and presses record...
Crazy Joe: I showed this video here tonight not to intimidate anyone, not to brag to anyone, just merely to showcase my ability, and offer a little back story into my life. I realize that here in APW we have what you call an Xtreme Title, but, I have not seen many, Xtreme, wrestlers here that would be able to handle the type of extreme matches that I have seen before. I was in a federation where truly the only types of matches that existed were extreme matches. So listen up good, I'm not here to say be afraid of me, but, it wouldn't be bad advice if I did say it.
Crazy Joe walks closer to his desk.
Crazy Joe: I'm really excited for Test for the Best, this is the second Pay-Per-View that I've been a part of at APW and my first one was very successful. Being able to win at a PPV is a very important part of being a professional wrestler. The PPV is the biggest stage of all and damn am I glad to be a part of another great APW PPV. There are some obvious differences between this PPV and the last one that I was a part of. At Mayhem I was dealing with a nobody, someone that had just rubbed me the wrong way when I first joined APW. I was glad to quickly dispose of him and make my way up through the ranks. So here we have ourselves at Test for the Best. I get to face off against some difficult competitors and I get the chance to walk away from Test for the Best with my first piece of gold in APW. The Xtreme Title is certainly a great place to start and I am definitely very excited to begin my reign as a champion. But obviously, before we get to that point, there are just a few people that I have to beat through, and I do mean, BEAT through. Michael Lively, Cooper Conrad, Streets Wilson, and Victor Hades. I'll be honest, the only one that I actually know about is Michael Lively, because well, we've had our little history the past month or so. These other guys, oh well, who gives a damn about them. Oh shit, and Streets Wilson, I just beat that guy didn't I?
Emily gives Joe a stern look encouraging him to elaborate on the other competitors.
Crazy Joe: But, I guess that doesn't mean I should ignore you completely. So here's the deal, Cooper, or Coop, I like Coop, reminds me of that guy from Baseketball. What a ridiculous movie. Coop was the hero in that movie though, and unfortunately for you, you're not going to be the hero of this matchup. I mean, sure, your story is great, newcomer to APW, been in what, one match maybe? That's all well and good, but let's not pretend like you actually belong in this match. I've been paying my dues for the past two months and I earned this shot, and so help me God if some little punk like you walks in and tries to share in my spotlight. Oh hell no little man, this is my time. A new era has dawned upon the Xtreme division at APW and it's the era of Crazy. It's about time that someone who could actually handle themselves in an Xtreme match was the one who was called Xtreme Champion. Frankly Coop, I don't think you have what it takes. I don't think you can handle what a person has to do to be able to succeed in an Xtreme match. When you and I meet in the ring, believe me, it's not going to be pretty, with no-holds barred I am going to make very quick work of you. You can tell your grandkids that one time you got to fight for the Xtreme Championship in APW, but you lost to one of the craziest bastards you'd ever met. That will be a nice story for them Coop, tell them I came up with the story too, they'll really be impressed that you were able to steal a story from someone so amazing.
Moral of the story for you here Coop is that you're in above your head. You don't have what it takes, and that's fine. You don't have the balls, and that's fine. But let's not have you come around here pretending that you're something you're not. You're a nobody who got a lucky title shot and we can leave it at that. So, enjoy your time in the limelight kid, it's not going to last much longer.
Emily smiles encouragingly.
Crazy Joe: Which brings me to the next spotlight stealer. Mr. Victor Hades, someone that apparently has quite the past in APW, but it was before my time, so I'm completely unaffected by it. I don't care if you won tournaments or won matches or what you did. None of these things are going to effect me one bit. What I know is that you haven't beat me, and to me, that says you're not going to beat me. I've worked off my rust and I am back on the top of my game and I can't wait to drive you into the ground. The glorious return of Victor Hades is going to quickly turn in to the poor story of the fall of Victor Hades. So much potential, but unfortunately, Crazy Joe put his head through a fucking table and he hasn't been able to say anything except for "Cookie yummy" for the past three years. I'm sure everyone will be looking fondly at your memory my man. Everyone will rave of the "Cookie Yummy" guy. Used to be great, now he's a retard. What a legacy to have.
Listen guy, I don't care how scary you seem, or how tough you're trying to come off, because here's the issue, I'm crazy, literally. How do you think I got the name? Dictionary? No, I'm out of my goddamn mind. I'll kick your ass six ways from Sunday and then I'll laugh when you start throwing a bunch of goth stuff my way and then I'll piss all over your little parade of non-conformity and point out that you look like every other little 13 year old punk-rock loser with make-up on. I'm not impressed by your stage presence, you just seem like someone that still can't get by the fact that "the man" is running things. Grow up guy, no one gives a shit about you and your runny eyeliner.
Emily chuckles to herself a little bit. Crazy Joe cracks a smile himself.
Crazy Joe: And then there is Streets Wilson. What can I say about you man? I beat you fair and square, hell, I kicked your ass. I mean, it was great to get in the ring with you and see what my competition was going to be like, but, in reality, it probably did more harm than good for me. I don't want to start wrestling down to your level, I may very well go backwards in my wrestling ability if I have to keep getting in the ring with you. Either way, you had the same type of "glorious" return thing that Hades has going on, and we saw how terrible that went over for you. So, since I ended your glorious return, and I'm about to end Victor Hades glorious return, let's just eliminate all the stress and not have morons like you try stepping back into the ring in the first place. If you're going to try and wrestle with the likes of me, at least pretend like you're going to show up for a wrestling match ok?
Crazy Joe takes a deep breath.
Crazy Joe: Which brings me to the last man on my list of extreme wussies that I'm facing. Michael Lively, you weird little man. You talk about how I'm some huge freak of a man. Hey, I'm 6'3. Relax guy, this is all muscle, I know that I'm no luchador, I'm just a man who is hiding his identity. Because being a man in a mask doesn't mean that I'm hiding from morons like you, it means that I'm hiding from myself. Don't you watch movies?
Clearly you watch plenty of television because you figured the best way for someone to actually know who you were was to track down Dog the Bounty Hunter. Are you kidding me man? Dog? Really? How did that seem like a good idea? You and your midgit friend just get really drunk and start trying to think up ideas? I understand that you think you're the Jesus or whatever it is, but let's not kid yourself. Messing around with Dog is like messing around with Sasquach. Make a beef jerky commercial about it and leave us all the hell alone. You want me to be impressed, go mess with Chuck Norris or something. Don't bring this cable television hack around here and expect anyone to give a rats ass. You're better off redoing your house and getting on HGTV or something, at least then people won't think you're such a nancy boy.
You know, I'd like to comment about the things that you said about me, but my 13 year old cousin wasn't around to explain to me exactly what it was that you said. Seriously, where did that vocabulary come from? Middle school? I remember when I was 16 and used to say "fuck, dick, balls" every other word and everyone thought I was the man. Maybe if you weren't hanging out in the school yard so much looking for the next little kid to pick up you'd realize that you're in the real world now. These little amateurish insults don't mean a thing to me. Jake the Snake was the best. He had a drinking problem, but that's what adults have. We have drinking problems. Like you, you're a child, so you have a swearing problem and likely a pissing in the bed problem. You've been living in a dream world here in APW and I have no idea how nobody has kicked your ass out of it yet, but believe you me, I'm really hoping that it can be me that walks away with that title. Because to see the look on your little kid, retard face is going to be hilarious. There is going to be no way out of this match for you kid. All of this bull shit you've been talking is finally starting to catch up with you and finally someone is going to see what a moron you actually are. The next time I want to listen to someone go on a stupid little rant like that I'm going to go to the mall and start screaming how Twilight sucks. We'll see who has a better use of the English language, you or pre-teen Twilight freaks.
Seriously man, you want to list the things I'm going to need to kick your ass? I'll tell you what I need, I need my fists and my feet. That's all I need. But what do I want to kick your ass with? Oh well, that's a whole different story, I'll take the bat wrapped with barbed-wire, that's a classic. Maybe a couple of chairs so that you'll have a ringing in your ear for the next month, that'd be great. I'd love to see your raggity-ass body get thrown through a table or two, so that could be special. All I'm saying is Lively, listen, you've got a big head boy, but you can rest assured that I am going to use any piece of weaponry I can find to try and shrink that head of yours.
Crazy Joe does the "kill it" signal with his hand across his throat and Emily stops recording.
Crazy Joe: What did you think?
Emily: Certainly convincing Sir. But, could I ask, how do you have time to watch so much TV and make these television references?
Crazy Joe: Emily, I'm literally crazy, I barely sleep, it's a complete mess. I watch reruns until 4am just about every day, absolutely pathetic. Which reminds me, could you go pick me up some Ambien, I need to get some sleep before this match.
Emily: Certainly sir. So, do I work for you now?
Crazy Joe: Not unless you get me the damn Ambien.
Emily looks concerned.
Crazy Joe: I'm joking girl, you work for me, get the Ambien, the door will be open, I'll have a key made up for you, your bedroom is up the stairs and to the right.
Emily: Okay sir.
Crazy Joe: I mean, the left, shit, I don't know, if I'm asleep naked in the bed, that's probably not your room.
Emily giggles.
Emily: Okay sir.
Emily walks to the door, opens it, and walks out. Crazy Joe sits down in the chair that Emily was in and smiles.
