Post by Mark Mania on Oct 23, 2010 16:32:34 GMT -4
Mark Mania: Is this damn thing on?
Mark Mania is looking directly into a camera that he has apparently just turned on himself. He looks over the camera quickly and realizes that the red light is indeed on and the camera is in fact recording.
Mark Mania: Ah perfect.
Mark sets the camera down on a desk, facing a now empty chair. There is a fire lit in the background and the room is very warm, the chair is a dark brown and the surrounding walls a very dark shade of red. The main light source in the room is the fire, but it’s obvious that there are other lights lit as well. Mark Mania moves in front of the camera and into the chair:
Mark Mania: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to Mania Hulapalooza. I am your host Mark Mania, the CEO and Owner of Mania Enterprises and the former APW Xtreme Champion. I am actually the only other person in the Elimination Chamber who has ever held a title in APW besides Level-One. That’s just a little fun fact for all of you at home that are keeping score. I’m here tonight because I was asked to shut my mouth and just put up my “A” game going into Sunday. Now, as you can tell very quickly, I have opted to not shut my mouth, and rather, continue to spew my apparent “esophagus diarrhea”. The reason I’ve opted to forgo shutting my mouth is because it has become increasingly apparent to me that I need to straighten a few people out before we head into the Elimination Chamber. Well, actually I only need to straighten out three of them. Don’t worry Level-One, you’re actually not involved in the three that I need to straighten out. You have a pretty good grasp on who I am and what the combination of the two of us means to the APW. The people that need to be straightened out are Sally Talfourd, Nathaniel Havok, and Criss Cassidy. Now, as Criss Cassidy is the man who apparently knows the least about me out of everyone involved in this match-up, I’ll lay down the law with him quickly.
Mark clears his throat and re-adjusts himself in his seat. He coughs loudly again and then motions for a glass of water from whomever is standing behind the camera. Bill Gnarly walks into camera with a glass of water and gives it to Mark. Mark takes a quick swig of the water and then takes a deep breath.
Mark Mania: Well first of all Criss. You have me all wrong from the get-go. I am not a man here looking to make a mark. I’ve already made a mark. The fact that you don’t notice that is actually quite concerning. I mean, Havok claims that I don’t pay attention in the APW, but, for you to think that I’m still looking to make my mark is one of the great absurdities of our time. I do not need to win this match in order to make my mark. Do I want to win this match? Of course. Do I plan on winning this match? Without a doubt! But do I need to win this match in order to feel some sense of belonging or that I contributed in some sense to the history of APW? God no! Hell, the mere fact that I’m here shows that I’ve left my mark on APW. I know that you’re a new guy to this business Criss which is why I won’t call you out completely. It’s not your fault that you have no idea who I am or what I stand for. But, think about the match two weeks after Shockwave. Mark Mania vs. Level-One. Do you have any idea how big of a match that was? Fans were essentially losing their minds in anticipation for possibly one of the biggest matches of all time. Now, at the time Level-One was right. It was too early for that match. There was an opportunity for it to be hyped more. It could’ve been the next Level-One vs. Crazyman. Sure, it could’ve been, and it still could be. But again, even the history of Level-One vs. Crazyman is lost on you Criss, which is why I’m doing my best to not hold you to a higher standard. But, when I see some young guy like you out here spitting your thoughts on the APW and this Elimination Chamber match and you try and claim that I am just looking to make a mark. Oh Criss, how much you have to learn. Sally seems to be worried about ratings once I win the World Title, which is very sweet of her, but again, she doesn’t understand the type of uproar that will occur in the wrestling community when “The Legend” Mark Mania becomes the APW World Champion. Because I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. The fans love me, and other wrestlers love to hate me. I’ve left my mark on APW already Criss, when I win the world title, I will not be leaving a mark anymore, I will be leaving one of the biggest legacies that the APW has ever seen.
Mark takes another drink from his water and then goes to place his water on the side table next to the chair…There is no side table next to the chair. Mark notices this and rather than holding the water, he just drops it where the side table should be and the glass of water falls to the ground and shatters.
Mark Mania: Now Criss, let’s move away from this discussion of me leaving my mark on APW, it’s a little played out now. But, instead, let me clarify something to you. I’m a Christian man Mr. Cassidy. You’re nothing more than a self-proclaimed Christ. Which, essentially makes you nothing but a blasphemer. Yet you claim to have the power of the Kingdom of God behind you? What kind of arrogance does that reek of? Honestly, people say that I have a big head, for goodness sake you truly believe you’re the Second Coming. Now listen Criss, I understand that Mania Enterprises will never be bigger than the Kingdom of God. That makes perfect sense. Especially because I am also a part of the Kingdom of God. I worship at his house, and I eat Jesus’ body and I drink his blood. I’ve read the New Testament Criss. I know the signs of the second coming. I know that trumpets will play from the clouds and that we will all stand before our Lord for the final judgment. The Lord will take with him his followers and those that oppose him will perish into the lake of fire. Then, the Second Coming of Christ will lead our people for 1,000 years of peace. Have any of these things happened yet Criss? I can’t recall a single one. No trumpets blaring from the clouds when you appeared eh? No one has sat me down for my final judgment. No Anti-Christ has appeared from the west in a cloak of deception to try and form one giant community. No rapture as occurred. Unless, we’re all sinners and we’re truly being run by the Anti-Christ Barrack Obama and no one notices. You’re no Second Coming Criss. You’re just another lowly man with a God complex. You’re just another man with too much free time on his hands that was raised in a Christian family. You don’t impress me by quoting scripture Criss. That doesn’t mean anything to me. Especially if you’re going to quote from Job. I mean, for goodness sake. If you want to be like Job let’s set it up. I’ll play the part of God. Not because I believe that I deserve that or that I should be worshipped, mostly just because this is like role playing for me and I like that. Wink wink Sally. Ok, so, you’re Job, I’m playing the part of God. So I’m going to put you through hell non-stop for a good long while. I’m going to take everything from you, punish you, hurt you, and you’re still going to be loyal to me. Yep, that’s sounds just about how Sunday is going to go for you. I’ll punish you, nearly destroy you, and then at the end of the match, you will see me, standing alone, with the title in my head, and you will remain loyal to me. I like it, that sounds right to me. So listen Criss, the next time that you want to claim I’m going up against the Throne, why don’t you take a good long look in the mirror, for no man should claim to be the Second Coming, and no man should be worshipped who is not God himself.
Mark reaches for a phantom water in place of where his water should be if the side table had been there. He reaches more and more aggressively to no avail. Finally he motions for another water. Bill comes into screen again with a water. Mark takes a gulp and continues.
Mark Mania: Alright, I think that’s enough of a scripture lesson for today Mr. Cassidy. But, there is one more point that I took issue with when you starting spitting knowledge on all of us. That’s when you claimed to be a bigger threat than John Green. Now listen, I’m aware that Greenie’s reputation has been faltering as of late. He’s made some poor decisions, he’s made some questionable decisions, and well, then he’s just flat out made some bad decisions as well. But, when John Green is on his game, John Green is on his fucking game. I refuse to sit back and watch you claim that you are a bigger threat than a former APW World Champion John mutha fuckin’ Green. A man who is a legend in the APW. A man who has been around as long as anyone in this company. Yet you, the self-proclaimed second coming of Christ, and the man who has accomplished exactly nothing in the APW, claims that he is a bigger threat than John Green. Listen to what you’re saying man. It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, for God’s sake Criss, next time, before you speak, sit for a second and truly think about the claims you’re making. Because you’re not doing yourself any favors here. You’re not helping yourself at all with these wild statements. You were better than John Green for one night. And frankly, you were close as hell to not being better than him at all. If that match had gone on for any longer, you would’ve been a loser. You underestimate John Green, and frankly, I think you underestimate pretty much everyone in the APW. You’ve made some poor decisions since you’ve been here. And one of them is pissing me off. For such a long time I held an interest in you. I thought you were under utilized, I thought that maybe everyone had you wrong. I thought that all you needed was one big push and you could be a contender. I mean, granted, I didn’t mean a contender for the world title. And I didn’t expect you to get this big of a push. But, maybe, just maybe, now that you’ve seen the limelight for a little bit, you can start ruling in the lower half of the APW. Because it’s not going to happen up here with the big boys. Oh hell no. You pissed me off a bit too much for that. Not thinking I’ve made a mark in the APW, claiming to be Christ, and putting down my friend John Green. Who in the hell do you think you are? You need to learn your place in APW son. It’s not up here with me, Sally, and Level-One. Oh hell no, you do not belong here. You belong at the bottom of the card, trading scraps with Young Mannie and Slade Craven. So, next time you want to step up with the big boys, I suggest you prepare just a little harder or you’re going to dig yourself an even deeper hole.
Mark takes another gulp and then goes to place it on the still absent side table. Before he can drop the glass though, Bill comes rushing in with a side table and Mark rests the glass gently onto the table. Bill starts to rush away before Mark calls for him.
Mark Mania: Bill! Bill!
Bill: Yeah mark, what’s up?
Mark Mania: I think that last little thing I said about Criss was racist. I didn’t mean for it to be, but in my head it sounded a little racist.
Bill: I was looking for a side table man, I didn’t really hear it.
Mark Mania: I called him son, then told him he doesn’t belong here with the big boys, told him he should be trading scraps and stuff. Man, it might’ve been mad. Please, go donate some money to the NAACP. I feel like a dick.
Bill: Alright Mark, I’ll get right on that. Don’t worry about that now though, go focus on what you’re doing here.
Mark Mania: Oh, yeah, right. Good idea.
Mark grabs the water from the side table and takes a sip from it, clears his throat and places the water back onto the table.
Mark Mania: Ok, I think I’ve straightened out Criss Cassidy. I think he’ll understand what I mean to APW now. So, who next. Who else needs some straightening out. Oh, I’ll tell you one man that does. And let me make sure that I am being 100% clear here when I say it is a MAN that needs to be straightened out. Oh, the suspense, am I going to call Sally Talfourd a man?! Am I!? Ah, no, no I’m not. That’s a cheap shot. Nathaniel Havok is the man that needs to be straightened out. And by man, I mean that he is not the ruler of the underworld, he is not the great beast that the Bible speaks of, he is not the ruler of the demonic world, nor is he anything special. He’s exactly what I claimed in the first place. A middle of the road guy who got real lucky and was allowed into this match. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can straighten out a few more things with the young Mr. Nathaniel Havok. First of all Nathaniel, when you first came out here earlier this week and prepared for your match by taking some heated questions from a reporter that was clearly on your payroll, you didn’t even mention me. Like I was a non-entity. Like I didn’t matter. When I saw this, I smiled so brightly, so boldly. Oh, the poor bastard in underestimating me. Oh the man who is following in my footsteps is refusing to mention the man the he emulates. Let’s go through this real quickly Nathaniel. The things that you have accomplished in the APW. First of all, you ended Cooper Conrads career. Well, let’s be honest, he didn’t have much of a career anyways, so how difficult was that. And then, even beyond that, Cooper Conrad essentially didn’t even put up a fight. But here’s the funny thing. Do you know who beat Cooper Conrad before you did? And beat him TWICE? Me. Yep, before you were even in the picture, Cooper Conrad was already an absolute nothing to me. Then lets see, who did you take out after that? Victor Hades, ok, again, that would be impressive, if he had a chance to fight against you. But, again, you attack a defenseless man and possibly end his career. That’s really great, just keep on taking out completely defenseless people. But let’s think of this, who had beaten Victor Hades before? Oh yes, that’s right…me. Now, you can allude to the fact that Victor Hades beat me at Shockwave. I remember the match, but, let’s think about it. Where has Victor Hades been since then? He’s been nowhere. He was a complete shell of his former self after defeating me. He gave it everything he had, he put all he possibly could into defeating me. He went above and beyond anything he had ever done in his entire life, just to defeat me. What have I done since? Oh, only cement myself into the World Title picture, and raise myself into a legitimate main eventer alongside Level-One and Sally Talfourd. You on the other hand, weaseled your way into a world title shot by attacking a defenseless man. Yes, you are certainly the bigger man here. Everyone should be petrified of the man who ends careers of those who already have one foot out the door. Give me a damn break Havok. No one is impressed with you. No one cares about you, and frankly, no one gives a shit who Aiden Payne is either. Is he related to Bryan Payne? Because then maybe I’ll care. But for now, you’re just a man who I have to pay attention to for one damn week and then you will go away. You’ll be pushed back into the underworld where you came from and I can forget about the absolute nightmare it is trying to figure out what the hell you want from everyone here in APW. God, that was a bit of a tangent. My main point here, is that I had really thought you underestimated me, and I was absolutely psyched that you had. But of course, you had to come out and ruin it all.
Mark picks up his glass of water and drinks from it again, he finishes the glass and rests it back on the side table. He clears his throat again and goes for another sip of water despite the glass being empty. Upon realization that the glass is empty, he throws the glass against the wall and the glass shatters.
Bill: What the fuck was that?
Mark Mania: I need some water, man.
Mark smiles to himself as Bill pours another glass of water and steps lightly to avoid stepping on any glass. He hands Mark the water and Mark drinks half the glass and places it back on the side table.
Mark Mania: Ok, back to Nathaniel Havok. Now, it turns out that all it takes to get this little ruler of the underworld all hot and bothered is to essentially point out facts about him. Like the fact that he does not belong in this match. That’s a pretty easy place to start. Nathaniel, you haven’t done anything. You beat Sally Talfourd, big whoop, no one cares. You’ve been spending so much time “vanquishing demons” and searching for this apparent phantom Aiden Payne, that you haven’t sat down to realize that you’re not on the main event level here in APW yet. Not saying you never will be, just saying you’re not now, and won’t be for as long as I’m in the APW. Don’t take offense to it, there are very few people here that belong in the main event. Me, Level-One, Sally Talfourd, Pence Weatherlight, and when he wasn’t missing in action, Bryan Payne. Other than that, it’s just a whole bunch of wannabes. And listen Nathaniel, it’s fine with me if you want to be in the main event. Who doesn’t!? But for the love of God, don’t come to me with your bitching and whining about how I don’t pay enough attention to you and I don’t give you any respect. What in the hell have you done to earn my respect? Take out defenseless opponents and use all sorts of trickery to convince everyone that you’re the ruler of the underworld? Give me a break, man. I mean really, the best you can say about me is that I’m not that good and no one gives a damn about me? Man, you claim I don’t pay attention to APW, maybe you should look around outside of your little delusional hell world you live in. I have quickly become synonymous with APW. When people think APW they think Mark Mania, when people think Mark Mania, they think APW. When people think Nathaniel Havok, they think…”Who?” I know that you like to think that you’re some big enforcer of sorrow and that just because the people that are on your payroll bow before you that I’m going to too. But frankly son, that’s just not going to happen. You want to disrespect me? That’s perfectly fine, keep on, keeping on. But maybe, just maybe you should take a look at the one person who you believe is on the same level as you. Take a look at Level-One. Have you noticed who he fears? Have you noticed who he respects? Have you noticed that it’s not you? You’re kissing this mans ass harder than Biggs does, yet you haven’t realized what his biggest fear is coming into One Night in Hell. It’s me Nathaniel. It’s Mark fuckin’ Mania. That’s who Level-One is concerned with the most. Yet, you, in complete ignorance think that I am not the favorite to win this match. Hell you don’t even think I’m on your same level. To go even further, you don’t even think I belong in this match. I mean, setting aside the fact that you just barely got placed into this match last week because of some fluke, let’s think about how I WON my way into this match. That’s right, I won a legitimate match, I didn’t just attack a defenseless man. And, actually, let’s think about it. Who did I defeat to enter into the match? Oh yes, that’s right, the man you love so much, Lester Only. Who else was in that match you ask? Oh right, Victor Hades. The defenseless man you attacked? Remember him? That’s what I thought. Because I won that match, I won my entrance into the Elimination Chamber. I earned my entrance into the elimination chamber. Let me emphasize the word “earned”. I beat the APW World Champion. Fair and square, I won, and therefore, I got to be entered into the Elimination Chamber. But let’s not forget, you CLEARLY deserve to be in this match more than I do. How about you polish up on your APW history bud?
Mark straightens himself up in his seat and takes another drink of water.
Mark Mania: Nathaniel, everyone is aware that you live in a delusional world where you are the ruler of the underworld, and where witches and warlocks and demons all really exist, but, even I didn’t realize what a true fantasy your life has become. You claim that people want to see Level-One vs. Nathaniel Havok? When the fuck did that happen? I’m still trying to remember when people learned who Nathaniel Havok was? Hell, I could go out into the street right now and show people pictures of you asking who you were and they’d claim they had no idea who that extremely feminine looking man was. I mean Havok, I don’t know your past, and I also don’t care about your past. I could give absolutely two shits about anything you’ve done in your past. You’ve come out of retirement to grace us all in the APW with your presence. But here’s the thing, no one knows who the hell you are. Now, I can relate with you. When I unveiled myself as Mark Mania, people did not recognize the name as much as in the past. But, one man did. That’s right, I at least had one person who knew who I was. That person was Level-One. That person was your idol, the man you emulate day in and day out, the man that you want to be next to in the ring. He’s the man who remembered the legacy of Mark Mania. Mark Mania the Legend, Mark Mania the man who has seen it all and who has done it all. Which helped herald me into the picture. I won’t lie, Level-One was a big reason that I became so popular so quickly. But this didn’t happen because Level-One liked me, or because he asked for me to be pushed onto the scene. No, this happened because Level-One feared me, and no one had ever seen Level-One be as concerned with someone as he was with me. Who feared you when you entered APW? Cooper Conrad? I’m pretty sure he was afraid of the dark too, Nathaniel. You haven’t impressed me since you’ve come to the APW. You haven’t done anything that makes me afraid of you, or anything that makes me respect you. The only thing you’ve done is severely annoy the shit out of me. But, I can take homage in the fact that after this week, you’ll be just another failed competitor wishing that they had paid attention to what was really going on in the APW.
Mark crosses his legs and rubs his chin gently.
Mark Mania: Nathaniel, I don’t think I’m quite done with you yet actually. I think there is still a little more that you need to be made aware of. Because while you may be delusional, you’re not stupid. So, I think you’ll be able to understand what I’m trying to say. See here’s the problem I have with you. You seem to think that I merely talk the talk. You seem to think that all of my threats are idle. You seem to think that I am not a man of action, but rather that I am someone who just stirs up a whole bunch of trouble and then sits back and watches as everyone else makes a fool of themselves. Well, frankly boy, that’s just untrue. I love nothing more than getting into the thick of things. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s going to be an absolute blast watching all of you kick the shit out of each other while I sit back and hang out in my cell waiting to be unleashed. But, I would have no problem being the first person in there. I’d have no problem fighting all the way through to the end. I’m like a damn pit bull Nathaniel, put me in the middle and I’ll go freewheeling for peoples throats until I get the kill. If you think I’m a man of all talk, you’re going to have some serious problems when you realize that my bite is a whole hell of a lot worse than my bite. For God’s sake, my bite could rip your damn throat clean off. The more I think about you Havok, the more you piss me off. Maybe I’m playing right into your game, maybe you want to piss me off and you’re really hoping that I’ll lose focus and you can capitalize on that. But again, this is where you living in a delusional world comes into play. I’m the veteran here Havok. I’ve been in this business for a long, long time, and one thing that I will make perfectly clear is the fact that I do not lose focus. When I get angry, I gain focus, and it motivates me even more. Before this, you were just a middle of the road guy that I didn’t give a damn about. But you have a big mouth on you, and the more I think about you, the more pissed off I’m getting. This is not going to end well for you Havok, I can guarantee you that. You say that you don’t enjoy having your back up against a wall. Well I’m sorry son, because I’m pushing you back right now. I hope your fight or flight is telling you to fight, because I’ll smash your damn head off that wall until you start trying to throw fire balls in my face only to realize that I’m not some fictional character you’ve made up in your own damn head. I’m a real fucking competitor and I’m going to wipe the floor with your delusional universe and when you’re backed up against that wall and the only thing running through your brain is that you must defend yourself against Mark Mania there are only going to be two ways out. One is through pinfall and the other is through submission. I don’t give a damn how I beat you Nathaniel, but you can take this back to the underworld with you, I will defeat you. I will clear your mind of all of these “mixed reactions” that you think I’m sending, and send one clear and concise message. I am going to eliminate you from the Elimination Chamber. You’re not going to know when, and you’re not going to know how, but before Sunday night is over, your world will come crashing down on you like the Berlin Wall. You think that I made a mistake by pushing you up against a wall, oh Nathaniel, you delusional bastard, you made the mistake by being caught between a wall and a hard place.
Mark slams his fist on the side table, shaking the glass standing upon it and even hitting the side table so hard that the camera shakes.
Mark Mania: I need another damn water Bill!
Bill: Yeah, yeah, just filling out the check, how much to the NAACP?
Mark Mania: Why the fuck am I giving money to the NAACP?
Bill: Uh, you asked me to donate to them because you thought you were being a little racist to Criss Cassidy.
Mark Mania: Oh, right, no, no, I was just saying that for the camera, get me a fucking water.
Bill fills up another glass of water and brings it to Mark who immediately pours the water out onto the ground.
Mark Mania: That water looked funny.
Bill: You’re acting like a complete ass.
Mark Mania: It’s the day before the match Bill, this is the last time I’m going to tell you that I don’t feel like putting up with your bullshit right now.
Bill: Dick.
Bill says this as he’s walking away to get another glass of water. Bill brings the glass to Mark, and Mark takes a big gulp.
Mark Mania: Thank you Bill.
Bill: Yeah. Sure.
Mark smiles as Bill walks back outside of view of the camera.
Mark Mania: Okay, now, I had planned on that being the end of my straightening out of Nathaniel Havok, but frankly, I just keep remembering more and more of what that enormous moron spewed out. He at once point claimed that I didn’t know who I truly was. I really thought I’ve explained this. I know that there was some confusion with the whole Crazy Joe transformation into Mark Mania. Yes, I had some mental problems. I’m more than aware of that. My mentor, my cousin, and my very best friend was brutally murdered by one of our closest friends. I then spent over a year tracking down the people who I had at first thought were responsible. I found these men, and I made them pay. I made them pay dearly. Then, I found out that it was our close friend who had murdered my cousin. Needless to say, I did not handle this well. I didn’t handle it well at all. I had a tip that Bonez, the man who killed my cousin, was in Japan. I rushed over there immediately and after accidentally killing a man, I lost my shit. Plain and simple. I was seeing things, I was experiencing a loss of memory, I was having a lot of issues. Cue, Crazy Joe. When I had lost all memory of my previous life, I stumbled around Japan looking for some sort of motivation, something, anything to take away the emptiness. I was drawn to wrestling. Obviously I was drawn to wrestling because I am one of the greatest wrestlers who has ever graced a ring. Now, in Japan, most wrestlers wear masks, I was happy to do this, and I realized quickly that I was so good at wrestling, this may have been in my past, and I didn’t want anyone finding out who I was before I knew. So, I kept the mask on day in and day out. I was given the name Crazy Joe, because one, I was absolutely insane in the ring and willing to do absolutely anything to win, and two, because apparently Japanese people are quite racist against white people and just call all of us white Americans, Joe. So, there was the birth of Crazy Joe. Now, eventually I had gotten so well known in Japan, that my manager told me I belonged wrestling in the United States. So, I moved to the United States, to Boston to be specific, and began wrestling with Action Packed Wrestling, using the name that I had been given in Japan. Now, after awhile I began to have visions of my past life. My stress induced amnesia was apparently beginning to fade. The visions became more and more realistic, until, eventually, I was actually a schizophrenic . When I went to sleep as Crazy Joe, I woke up as Mark Mania, and when I went to sleep as Mark Mania, I awoke as Crazy Joe. Now, obviously this reeks of mental insanity. Which it definitely was. But, then, one day, when I went to sleep as Mark Mania, I awoke as Mark Mania. I remembered everything, I knew everything. I remembered every bit of my past as well as the past of Crazy Joe. My two personalities united and I became what I am today. So, you were right, I did need to snap back into reality. Nathaniel, you were just wrong about when it happened. It’s already happened my friend. I am one person, I am Mark Mania. So trust me, I live in no fantasy world. I live in the real world, as one person, with one goal. My one goal is to win the APW World Championship.
Mark grabs the glass of water and drinks from it.
Mark Mania: Alright world, I’m sorry, that’s it for Nathaniel Havok. I know that must have been brutal for you, but truly, he is just in one sorry state of affairs. Quite possibly the most delusional man I have ever encountered, and remember, at one point, I was a crazy person. But, now I’d like to move on to the last person who really needs a reality check. The last person that I believe needs to be set straight about Mark Mania. That person is Sally Talfourd, the beautiful, the talented, the amazing, Sally Talfourd. The peoples champion, Sally Talfourd. The woman who will set APW straight. The woman who will herald in a new era into APW, the era of the fans! She will not let the world title go to her head, no, she will continue to be humble and continue to wrestle for the fans, and only for the fans! Oh my God Sally, your little soapbox brigade has run it’s course, no? This is like when Barrack Obama was running against John McCain, well, not exactly like that, but in the sense that you’re main platform is that I’m no better than Level-One, while Obama’s main platform was that McCain was just like George W. Bush. Now, granted, there are some similarities in that metaphor that don’t work in my favor. One, Obama won, two, McCain is old, and Level-One refers to me as old man. But give me a break, I just came up with it off the top of my head and it really speaks well to my point. My point is this Sally, you’re not running for any sort of public office. This isn’t a popularity contest between Level-One and you and I. No, this is an actual match. You don’t have to just have everyone on your side to win. We’re in a damn Elimination Chamber Sally! What’s going to happen, the fans will revolt and begin attacking Level-One and I because we’re just the same old played out story? Oh give me a break sweetie. I know that you like to believe you’re going to bring change to the APW and that this will be a kindler, gentler, less self-centered APW. You know that’s not true sweetheart. If you won that title, it would immediately go directly to your head and you would lose it! You would be so thrilled to be on top of the world that you would rule with an iron fist because you’d be so afraid of losing the title. It’s comments like yours that make me realize you’ve never been the face of a brand, have you? You’ve never had to carry the weight of a company on your shoulders. Because, if you had, you’d realize that there is only one way to run it. You need to be the very best at all times, everything needs to revolve around you because YOU are the product. You are the very best thing that APW has to offer and therefore, everything should always be about you! Level-One gets it. That’s why it’s Level-One Presents: Thursday Night Overdrive. Because people come here to see him, he’s the damn champion Sally! You think people are going to come watch Overdrive if the World Champion is just hanging out in the back and only comes out to wrestle or to flirt with the General Manager? Give me a break, this is going to turn into a damn episode of Laguna Beach if that’s all that ever happens. A lot of flirting, someone gets in a fight, and then a lot of panning pictures of the outside scenery and then it’s over. There is a reason that the demographic is quite different between Laguna Beach and Thursday Night Overdrive Sally, it’s because the only people that like Laguna Beach are annoying thirteen year old girls who just got their first period and now they want to pretend like they’re giant sluts like the girls they emulate on TV from Laguna Beach. The people that show up to Overdrive are honest, hard working, blue collar American’s. Or, in this situation, Japanese people. The last thing they want to see is you flirting with Biggs and then getting all butt hurt when he marries someone else. Oh God, those people would gouge their damn eyes out if they had to put up with that all the time.
Mark rubs his eyes viciously trying to get the thought of Sally and Biggs out of his head.
Mark Mania: But Sally, you do speak a little truth. The letter was not my finest moment. No, I’m aware that I should’ve just come right out and say everything I had to say. But understand this, I did not write the letter because I was afraid of saying it to your face, nor did I write the letter because I was afraid of what the fans would say. No, no, I wrote you a letter because I was scared shitless of my employee Emily. That letter was full of disrespect and hatred and all the things she’s against. So, I completely understand your issues with the fact that I wrote you letter. But, let’s not focus so much on the avenue in which the words were portrayed but rather, the words themselves. I didn’t speak many untrue ones. You are essentially just a walking sex symbol. You can’t have a face like that or a body like that and expect to be taken seriously by me. I mean look at me, I’m no slouch myself in the looks department, I understand what it’s like to be beautiful. It’s difficult at times. I mean, granted, I’m a white male so my opportunities come far more often than yours do as a female. But, lets not pretend you and I are so different. I sell seats because I’m damn good at what I do and because I’m not too bad to look at. You sell seats because people want to look at your, and you’re not too bad at this whole wrestling thing. We’re really not so different you and I, Sally Talfourd. No, not one bit. Especially when it comes to a certain feeling that you have towards me. That feeling is respect. You made a very big deal about respect in your last little online video. I understand it’s difficult for you to get respect. I know that it is, and I know that I didn’t help at all by just completely and utterly disrespecting you. But, as I said before, I learn from my mistakes very quickly. I realize that you’re part of what makes APW great. I even admitted recently that I had a grudging respect for you. Because frankly, you beat me. I can’t say that you beat me fair and square, because, obviously Level-One interfered and changed the entire course of the match, but still, at the end of the night, you were named victorious. So, this actually defeats the main point of your argument that Level-One and I are no different from each other. Because now, I HAVE said kind words about you, now, I am the bigger man. But don’t worry, I’m not going to completely disagree with you about Level-One. We do have quite a few similarities, there is no two ways around that. The biggest similarity that we have however, is winning. We both will do absolutely whatever it takes in order to win. So, I’m not going to be offended by being compared to Level-One. Actually, in the APW, I take that as quite a compliment. Everyone here in the APW kisses Level-One’s ass day in and day out, so why on earth would I not want to be compared to him? So that’s your big rallying point Sally? You’re going to be a new kind of champion, not more of the same. You do understand that Level-One is one of the most successful champions of all time correct? You do understand that Level-One commands respect from essentially everyone in the wrestling world, right? And you’d like to change that? You want APW to be recognized not for their great champions, but, for there happy go-lucky attitude right? How naïve can you be Sally? There is no possible way that anyone is going to want a change from how things are now unless that change is me. Hell, APW is thriving so much since Mark Mania and Level-One were in the same building that APW bought a new wrestling brand. Let’s think about that, Level-One and I attracted so much attention that they had to essentially double there product. There wasn’t enough room for the two of us. The two of us command every ounce of attention, so much so, that Overdrive truly did become all about us. But, let’s not forget Sally, it also became something else…successful! Ah, there it is! The key word! Success! The thing that truly links Level-One and myself together; Unparalleled success.
Mark uncrosses his knees and leans forward in his chair looking towards the camera deeply.
Mark Mania: Now Sally, listen up and listen good. I would like to clarify something with you about the one match we did have. Where, yes, you won. But, obviously that’s not the whole story now is it? I didn’t even want to wrestle you in the first place. I didn’t want to hurt the poor beautiful butterfly, and I made that abundantly clear to you. Yet, you claim that I threw everything I had at you and you lasted through it. Oh, come now Sally. If I through everything I had at you, you wouldn’t even be able to walk right now. There is a good chance that I didn’t even put half of my best effort into it. That was a match for the fans. Just getting everyone excited for One Night in Hell. I didn’t need to win that match, winning didn’t help me at all. I give it my all when I can gain something from winning. Like when I beat Level-One to get into the Elimination Chamber, or when I beat John Green in just over five minutes so that I could be the very last entrant into the chamber. What the hell did you matter Sally? So I could have some sort of mental edge? Give me a break, I don’t need a mental edge against you Sally, my physical edge is enough to carry me through any sort of “mindfucking” that could possibly be going down. The last thing that I will possibly do is read too much into the match we had. Because it didn’t mean anything. You won, what did you get for winning? A hearty pat on your back from your good friend Shane? A whoopty-doo from the crowd? Come on Sally, you really think I threw everything at you? Oh sweetie, how far you are from the truth is frankly just cute. I mean, you’re holding this match so heavily over my head it’s like you think I’m going to crumble underneath it. You think that you winning made my world fall apart around me? Look at me Sally, I’m doing just fine, I’m not running into any problems or any issues, in fact, I’m possibly doing even better than I was before our match. Because now I don’t need to pussyfoot around with you. A great man once said, I won’t hit a woman, but damn it, I will slap a bitch. And frankly Sally, you’re acting a little bitchy lately. Throwing that letter around in my face like I don’t know I wrote. I know what I fucking did, my memory isn’t gone anymore sweetheart.
Mark runs his hand through his hair and then sits back in his chair.
Mark Mania: Now Sally, you’re making the same mistake that Nathaniel Havok is, and that’s unfortunate, because, as you thought I was better than I am, I thought you were better than that. You think that I don’t have the mental capacity for this magnitude of the match. Boy, could you be any more wrong? You think I haven’t been in a match like this before? Oh please sweetie, being in this kind of match makes me feel alive for the very first time since being in APW. This is the kind of match I live for. No matter what happens when we’re all in the ring, I’ve seen it all before. You think if you pull off a couple of good moves against me that it’s going to shake me and I’m going to give a damn about you? Come on Sally, you should know better than that. I have no self-doubt. I’m as shallow as a puddle during a drought sweetheart. I guarantee that you’re going to pull off some moves against me. Hell, you may even start feeling real good in that ring. Feeling limber, feeling excited, feeling like there is a possibility that you MIGHT actually win this little dance. But come on Sally, you know that’s not going to happen. This isn’t your match to lose, this is your match to show that you’re still relevant after losing to Level-One at Shockwave. You were afraid everyone was going to think that you fell off the face of the earth, so you had to do everything in your power to get into this match. I think it’s sweet and all, I really do. But, I will be able to out last you. Not because you’re the first person into the match and I’m the last, that only helps me, but it doesn’t decide anything. No, I will out last you, because I’ve been there before. I know what it takes to win a match like this. I know exactly what a person must do if they want to win the ultimate title in a giant match like this on one of the grandest stands in all the world. I’m sure in a one on one match you and I could go on and on forever and one of us would win in the end, and you’d probably even stand a good chance. But, Sally, this is the type of match I was made for. I come from a background where every single match used to have me bloodied and bruised week in and week out. Then, every now and then, we’d throw all the best competitors in the ring together and we’d go at it, sometimes in an elimination chamber, sometimes in a giant cell, it doesn’t really matter though. Because out of the three of these types of matches I’ve been in, I’ve won two. I know exactly what it takes to win, Sally.
Mark sits up straight and runs his hand through his hair again. He gets a devilish grin on his face and offers a slight laugh.
Mark Mania: Sally, here’s the thing, I’m a very attractive man, I know this, you know this, even Level-One knows this. But what people don’t know as widely is how incredibly smart I am. It’s that quality that helps me win, it’s that quality that has gotten me to be able to win these types of matches with so many competitors. Because I can get into all of there heads and I can see exactly where the match it going. And now, now that I literally get to sit back and watch all of you wrestle for awhile before I come out, I mean, come on Sally. I am quite possibly the most intellectual wrestler that you’ve ever had the pleasure of being in the ring with, this is going to be like cake for me. I’m going to be able to see everyone strategy and exactly how everyone is reacting to each other. By the time I get into the ring I will have everyone figured out and I will be able to do exactly what is necessary to win. You can come into this match with as much heart as you possibly want. And you very well might last until I get into the ring, but I’ll tell you what won’t happen. You will not win. I am smarter than you, I am stronger than you, and I am a better wrestler than you. Please, do not take that as an insult. Because you’re smart, strong, and a great wrestler…I’m just better. I have all the skills necessary to win, and I have all the experience that essentially makes it an inevitability that I will win. I’m sorry sweetheart, that’s just the way it has to be.
Bill runs over to Mark and whispers something in his ear that Mark had apparently forgotten.
Mark Mania: Oh Bill! You’re right! Oh man, getting so excited about everything else that is going on today, I completely forgot to make a note about what an absurd hypocrite that Sally Talfourd is. She judges me for writing her a letter, saying that I don’t have the stones to say anything to her face. Yet, I go onto the APW website, and what do I see? Oh! It’s an opinion column from the young miss Sally Talfourd. How interesting that a few short weeks after I write her a letter, she’s writing opinion pieces for APW. I wonder where on earth she could’ve possibly gotten that idea? Come on now Sally, I know that Nathaniel Havok is living in my shadow and that Level-One is scared to death that I will be the Mark Mania of old tomorrow, but, now you have to steal ideas from me? I thought you were better than that, Sally! Unbelievable Sally, plus, just a heads up, I did complete college with a degree in journalism, so, if you ever need any writing help, please, feel free to ask. I always enjoy giving tips to young and upcoming writers. But here’s what I don’t get Sally. You have your little online show, and now you have a little column too. Did you think that people who watch your show wouldn’t also read your column? Because, I must say, out of everything you wrote, I don’t think there was an original thought to be found. Every point you made in your column you made earlier this week on your little webcam. Yes, I’m just like Level-One, if Mark Mania wins, he will be so selfish that he’ll have to take over Overdrive for himself and won’t share with anyone else. I get the sob story, I’ve heard it before. I mean, I saw how you got this whole little writing gig, they wanted Level-One, but instead they settled for you because you just happen to walk in on them. You think that the APW Tech Guy wasn’t just being nice saying that he was “just about to ask you”? Come on Sally. You happened to stumble in there, the guy wasn’t even 100% sure what your name was, but suddenly you’re the second biggest number drawer for APW? Something isn’t adding up here sweetie. I suggest you take some time to realize that you just happened to stumble into your little writing gig. I wouldn’t quit your day job sweetheart, one thing you need to realize is that it helps to write original stuff, not just the same bitching and complaining about change that you’ve been trying to shove down everyone’s throats for months anyways. You didn’t represent change at Shockwave and you don’t represent change now. You just represent a big ole’ pain in the ass for everyone who is trying to get some damn work done around here. Sally, the joyride for you is over, this is your last shot at the title for awhile, so you better make it count, because if you don’t, you’re going to get real bored, real quickly beating up on the Nathaniel Havok’s of the world. Hey, maybe it’ll come down to you and me and then maybe when I win the title someone will want to see us go for it head to head. You never know, Sally. Maybe you’ll get lucky and when you come over in the middle of the night sometime I’ll let you hold the title and pretend it’s yours. What a nice little role playing game that would be for the two of us.
Mark laughs to himself and leans back in the chair and gets himself comfortable. He takes a drink from his water and holds it in his hands afterwards.
Mark Mania: Alright, so, I was able to set those three straight. Which, I’m real happy about, I was worried that they were just going to keep on going on and on about how underrated they were and how I was nobody but a big name in a big match and that I would fizzle under the pressure. It’s be tedious trying to keep up with what everyone was saying. I mean, I almost forgot about my main competition in this match. Obviously it’s only an ALMOST, but, hey, we all know that I could never forget about Mr. Lester Only. That damn bastard.
Mark takes a short, calm sip from the glass of water. He looks into the cup for a moment. He’s staring deeply and thinking intently. He looks up at the camera and throws the glass towards it, sending it flying over the camera and crashing and breaking against the wall.
Mark Mania: Level-One, you insult me. Truly you do. You really think that I could work together with you in the Elimination Chamber? I mean, I’m not ruling out the possibility of us working together in the future, but, it can’t happen now big boy. If we worked together, everyone would always be wondering which of us actually deserved to win the match. Do you really want that floating over my head? I mean, first of all, we’d work together to get rid of a few of the lowly members of this match, then one of us would stab each other in the back, you know that as well as I do. We’re both complete assholes that cannot stand as one when there is only one title. If this were for the tag titles, sure, things would be different, I’m willing to admit that. But, it’s not Lester, there is only one winner in the end which means that you and I cannot be trusted to work together. Now, I’m not saying I wouldn’t have entertained the idea to try and get a little information from your camp. But unfortunately, your manager is as about as useful as a successful life in The Sims 3. A whole lot of work that counts for absolutely nothing. He could send me fan mail for decades I wouldn’t see that shit. I’m still getting fan mail from the “Legends” match I was in at The Experts three years ago. So, really, I consider getting someone else to help you try and win this match. What I do like though is the desperation that you reek of right now. It’s quite inviting actually. You realize that you can’t win this match on your own. You know that everyone is gunning for you. You also know that I’m going to be sitting in wait like a caged animal for my opportunity to get at you. Hell, you could be in that match for so long before I get out that you may not even stand a chance against me. Also, there is the possibility that you will have defeated everyone before I can even get in the match, and frankly, I would love that. It would be like watching a damn dog fight. But, as in dog fighting, only one of us can come out alive my friend. Do you really think it will be you? After everything you’ll have to go through even before I get into the ring? It’s absolutely insane for you to think that you’d stand a chance against me in those situations. Hell, we pushed each other back and forth when it was just the two of us, and despite how you refuse to accept that you didn’t really win that match, I did have my damn leg on the rope. I’m not going to let you off the hook because of an incompetent referee. Cheating is cheating my friend. No cheating in this match though brother. This match it wont matter who has a leg where or what happens. All that matters is who is by themselves at the end of the match. We both know that it’s going to come down to you and I. Hell, everyone else has already accepted it too. Sure, they claim that they’re going to be left alone with you in the end but they know that I’m the man that can stop that from happening. I’m the man who can get in their way. I’m the man who WILL be in the ring at the end of the night with you. I can’t wait for it, you can’t wait for it, and the entire APW universe can’t wait for it. Will you be ready for it?
Mark grabs the chair he’s in by it’s sides and moves closer up to the camera. Being only about five feet away now.
Mark Mania: You know Lester. I was upset to hear that you were in an accident earlier this week. I mean, I know better that it won’t really affect you, but, as Sally said, you now have a go to excuse when you lose this weekend. You’ll be able to say you weren’t at your best, you’ll be able to claim that you did the best you could with what you were given. Yet, you and I both know that this won’t affect you. A little car accident? Give me a break. We’ve all been there before. So you had an out of body experience? Shit, I’ve had out of body experiences just by drinking too much you bastard. But again, I hope that you plan on recovering fully before our match because I refuse to let you use that as an excuse on Sunday. When you lose to me, you lose on your own merits and not because you were at less than 100% don’t forget that.
Mark moves the chair up even closer to the camera now.
Mark Mania: Lester, you know as well as I do that I’m the only one in this match that you do respect. You can’t stand Sally Talfourd, you don’t even know who Nathaniel Havok or Criss Cassidy are, and Young Mannie was just a big joke all along anyways. But I represent the wild card for you. You have no idea what I’ll do. I could have the greatest match of my life and essentially make all of you look pathetic. Hell, I might be the only one in all of APW that you even have an inch of respect for. Granted, your respect comes with back handed compliments and continually making sure that I know I’m an old man. I’m fine with that boy, because that just means I have the experience I need to win. Look at me Lester, do I look like I’m out of shape or that the signs of aging are beginning to fall upon my body? I didn’t think so. The only thing showing signs of aging is my brain. I’ve become a much smarter competitor Lester. You know that. You’ve seen the transformation between three years ago and now. You know that when I’m pushed to the brink I can do some pretty amazing things. You know that I’m the biggest thing standing in the way between you and holding onto your title. Hell, I’m surprised you even remembered there was anyone else in this match. And you know what Lester, it’s for great reason too that you fear me. I haven’t seen myself at this level of competition in a real long while. I’m on top of my game, and frankly I’m feeling better than I ever have. Plus, I have the biggest advantage of anyone else going into this match. No matter when you enter the match Lester, I’m coming in after you. No matter how fresh you may be compared everyone else, I will be fresher. No matter how good you feel about your entrance position in the match, I will feel better! Lester, the writing is on the wall my friend, our paths have cross before but this is one of the major crossroads in our story. Lester, this is when two of the biggest names in all of wrestling will be in the same ring going for the same title. And you’re right, you would be stupid to underestimate me, yet you’re doing it time and time again. Thinking for a single second that I’m not in the same league as you is the biggest underestimation you could possibly make. You know I’m the only one who stands a chance against you. You know that I will be the next APW World Champion, and you’re doing everything you possibly can to scrap and claw your way to holding on to the title. Sorry Lester, time’s up.
Mark backs up his chair to it's original spot about ten feet away from the camera and sits there for a moment saying nothing. He takes a deep breath and looks straight into the camera.
Mark Mania: Ladies and gentlemen of APW, I'm here to present you with the next APW World Champion. I was here, just me and the wonderful audience of APW to explain to you why I would be champion. Not in the same way that Sally Talfourd is begging for you to come to her rescue and petition APW Management to make her the champion. No, the point of all of this was to show you that you could trust me to be the face of APW. That when I am named World Champion based off of my own merits, you will accept me as the new champion and understand that under Mark Mania, APW will flourish. I will do everything necessary to make APW the most successful federation that has ever existed. I will be the best World Champion that APW has ever seen. I know that's a tall order since you've had such great champions in the past. But, am I a man who lets people down? When have I let you great people of APW down? I can't think of a single time. Have I lost some matches? Of course I have, no one can win every match. But, I win when it counts. This is the biggest match I've had in the APW. I've said that quite a bit recently since I haven't been in the APW for long, and every time I say it, I walk away with a victory. I know what it takes to be a champion. Now a lot of people say that being the favorite is actually more difficult than being the underdog. They couldn't be more wrong. There is a reason as to why I'm the favorite. Because I'm better. Makes perfect sense doesn't it? I'm not going to let the idea of me being the favorite get into my head and make stupid mistakes. I've been in this business for too long to make stupid mistakes. I'm the favorite because I am supposed to win. Come tomorrow night. I will win. There will be no Cinderella stories, there will be no Miracles on Ice, no Rocky vs. Drago. There will be the best and there will be the rest. At the end of tomorrow night, I will be the best, and, for the rest, well, they will forever look back at the one night they spent in hell.
Mark Mania is looking directly into a camera that he has apparently just turned on himself. He looks over the camera quickly and realizes that the red light is indeed on and the camera is in fact recording.
Mark Mania: Ah perfect.
Mark sets the camera down on a desk, facing a now empty chair. There is a fire lit in the background and the room is very warm, the chair is a dark brown and the surrounding walls a very dark shade of red. The main light source in the room is the fire, but it’s obvious that there are other lights lit as well. Mark Mania moves in front of the camera and into the chair:
Mark Mania: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to Mania Hulapalooza. I am your host Mark Mania, the CEO and Owner of Mania Enterprises and the former APW Xtreme Champion. I am actually the only other person in the Elimination Chamber who has ever held a title in APW besides Level-One. That’s just a little fun fact for all of you at home that are keeping score. I’m here tonight because I was asked to shut my mouth and just put up my “A” game going into Sunday. Now, as you can tell very quickly, I have opted to not shut my mouth, and rather, continue to spew my apparent “esophagus diarrhea”. The reason I’ve opted to forgo shutting my mouth is because it has become increasingly apparent to me that I need to straighten a few people out before we head into the Elimination Chamber. Well, actually I only need to straighten out three of them. Don’t worry Level-One, you’re actually not involved in the three that I need to straighten out. You have a pretty good grasp on who I am and what the combination of the two of us means to the APW. The people that need to be straightened out are Sally Talfourd, Nathaniel Havok, and Criss Cassidy. Now, as Criss Cassidy is the man who apparently knows the least about me out of everyone involved in this match-up, I’ll lay down the law with him quickly.
Mark clears his throat and re-adjusts himself in his seat. He coughs loudly again and then motions for a glass of water from whomever is standing behind the camera. Bill Gnarly walks into camera with a glass of water and gives it to Mark. Mark takes a quick swig of the water and then takes a deep breath.
Mark Mania: Well first of all Criss. You have me all wrong from the get-go. I am not a man here looking to make a mark. I’ve already made a mark. The fact that you don’t notice that is actually quite concerning. I mean, Havok claims that I don’t pay attention in the APW, but, for you to think that I’m still looking to make my mark is one of the great absurdities of our time. I do not need to win this match in order to make my mark. Do I want to win this match? Of course. Do I plan on winning this match? Without a doubt! But do I need to win this match in order to feel some sense of belonging or that I contributed in some sense to the history of APW? God no! Hell, the mere fact that I’m here shows that I’ve left my mark on APW. I know that you’re a new guy to this business Criss which is why I won’t call you out completely. It’s not your fault that you have no idea who I am or what I stand for. But, think about the match two weeks after Shockwave. Mark Mania vs. Level-One. Do you have any idea how big of a match that was? Fans were essentially losing their minds in anticipation for possibly one of the biggest matches of all time. Now, at the time Level-One was right. It was too early for that match. There was an opportunity for it to be hyped more. It could’ve been the next Level-One vs. Crazyman. Sure, it could’ve been, and it still could be. But again, even the history of Level-One vs. Crazyman is lost on you Criss, which is why I’m doing my best to not hold you to a higher standard. But, when I see some young guy like you out here spitting your thoughts on the APW and this Elimination Chamber match and you try and claim that I am just looking to make a mark. Oh Criss, how much you have to learn. Sally seems to be worried about ratings once I win the World Title, which is very sweet of her, but again, she doesn’t understand the type of uproar that will occur in the wrestling community when “The Legend” Mark Mania becomes the APW World Champion. Because I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. The fans love me, and other wrestlers love to hate me. I’ve left my mark on APW already Criss, when I win the world title, I will not be leaving a mark anymore, I will be leaving one of the biggest legacies that the APW has ever seen.
Mark takes another drink from his water and then goes to place his water on the side table next to the chair…There is no side table next to the chair. Mark notices this and rather than holding the water, he just drops it where the side table should be and the glass of water falls to the ground and shatters.
Mark Mania: Now Criss, let’s move away from this discussion of me leaving my mark on APW, it’s a little played out now. But, instead, let me clarify something to you. I’m a Christian man Mr. Cassidy. You’re nothing more than a self-proclaimed Christ. Which, essentially makes you nothing but a blasphemer. Yet you claim to have the power of the Kingdom of God behind you? What kind of arrogance does that reek of? Honestly, people say that I have a big head, for goodness sake you truly believe you’re the Second Coming. Now listen Criss, I understand that Mania Enterprises will never be bigger than the Kingdom of God. That makes perfect sense. Especially because I am also a part of the Kingdom of God. I worship at his house, and I eat Jesus’ body and I drink his blood. I’ve read the New Testament Criss. I know the signs of the second coming. I know that trumpets will play from the clouds and that we will all stand before our Lord for the final judgment. The Lord will take with him his followers and those that oppose him will perish into the lake of fire. Then, the Second Coming of Christ will lead our people for 1,000 years of peace. Have any of these things happened yet Criss? I can’t recall a single one. No trumpets blaring from the clouds when you appeared eh? No one has sat me down for my final judgment. No Anti-Christ has appeared from the west in a cloak of deception to try and form one giant community. No rapture as occurred. Unless, we’re all sinners and we’re truly being run by the Anti-Christ Barrack Obama and no one notices. You’re no Second Coming Criss. You’re just another lowly man with a God complex. You’re just another man with too much free time on his hands that was raised in a Christian family. You don’t impress me by quoting scripture Criss. That doesn’t mean anything to me. Especially if you’re going to quote from Job. I mean, for goodness sake. If you want to be like Job let’s set it up. I’ll play the part of God. Not because I believe that I deserve that or that I should be worshipped, mostly just because this is like role playing for me and I like that. Wink wink Sally. Ok, so, you’re Job, I’m playing the part of God. So I’m going to put you through hell non-stop for a good long while. I’m going to take everything from you, punish you, hurt you, and you’re still going to be loyal to me. Yep, that’s sounds just about how Sunday is going to go for you. I’ll punish you, nearly destroy you, and then at the end of the match, you will see me, standing alone, with the title in my head, and you will remain loyal to me. I like it, that sounds right to me. So listen Criss, the next time that you want to claim I’m going up against the Throne, why don’t you take a good long look in the mirror, for no man should claim to be the Second Coming, and no man should be worshipped who is not God himself.
Mark reaches for a phantom water in place of where his water should be if the side table had been there. He reaches more and more aggressively to no avail. Finally he motions for another water. Bill comes into screen again with a water. Mark takes a gulp and continues.
Mark Mania: Alright, I think that’s enough of a scripture lesson for today Mr. Cassidy. But, there is one more point that I took issue with when you starting spitting knowledge on all of us. That’s when you claimed to be a bigger threat than John Green. Now listen, I’m aware that Greenie’s reputation has been faltering as of late. He’s made some poor decisions, he’s made some questionable decisions, and well, then he’s just flat out made some bad decisions as well. But, when John Green is on his game, John Green is on his fucking game. I refuse to sit back and watch you claim that you are a bigger threat than a former APW World Champion John mutha fuckin’ Green. A man who is a legend in the APW. A man who has been around as long as anyone in this company. Yet you, the self-proclaimed second coming of Christ, and the man who has accomplished exactly nothing in the APW, claims that he is a bigger threat than John Green. Listen to what you’re saying man. It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, for God’s sake Criss, next time, before you speak, sit for a second and truly think about the claims you’re making. Because you’re not doing yourself any favors here. You’re not helping yourself at all with these wild statements. You were better than John Green for one night. And frankly, you were close as hell to not being better than him at all. If that match had gone on for any longer, you would’ve been a loser. You underestimate John Green, and frankly, I think you underestimate pretty much everyone in the APW. You’ve made some poor decisions since you’ve been here. And one of them is pissing me off. For such a long time I held an interest in you. I thought you were under utilized, I thought that maybe everyone had you wrong. I thought that all you needed was one big push and you could be a contender. I mean, granted, I didn’t mean a contender for the world title. And I didn’t expect you to get this big of a push. But, maybe, just maybe, now that you’ve seen the limelight for a little bit, you can start ruling in the lower half of the APW. Because it’s not going to happen up here with the big boys. Oh hell no. You pissed me off a bit too much for that. Not thinking I’ve made a mark in the APW, claiming to be Christ, and putting down my friend John Green. Who in the hell do you think you are? You need to learn your place in APW son. It’s not up here with me, Sally, and Level-One. Oh hell no, you do not belong here. You belong at the bottom of the card, trading scraps with Young Mannie and Slade Craven. So, next time you want to step up with the big boys, I suggest you prepare just a little harder or you’re going to dig yourself an even deeper hole.
Mark takes another gulp and then goes to place it on the still absent side table. Before he can drop the glass though, Bill comes rushing in with a side table and Mark rests the glass gently onto the table. Bill starts to rush away before Mark calls for him.
Mark Mania: Bill! Bill!
Bill: Yeah mark, what’s up?
Mark Mania: I think that last little thing I said about Criss was racist. I didn’t mean for it to be, but in my head it sounded a little racist.
Bill: I was looking for a side table man, I didn’t really hear it.
Mark Mania: I called him son, then told him he doesn’t belong here with the big boys, told him he should be trading scraps and stuff. Man, it might’ve been mad. Please, go donate some money to the NAACP. I feel like a dick.
Bill: Alright Mark, I’ll get right on that. Don’t worry about that now though, go focus on what you’re doing here.
Mark Mania: Oh, yeah, right. Good idea.
Mark grabs the water from the side table and takes a sip from it, clears his throat and places the water back onto the table.
Mark Mania: Ok, I think I’ve straightened out Criss Cassidy. I think he’ll understand what I mean to APW now. So, who next. Who else needs some straightening out. Oh, I’ll tell you one man that does. And let me make sure that I am being 100% clear here when I say it is a MAN that needs to be straightened out. Oh, the suspense, am I going to call Sally Talfourd a man?! Am I!? Ah, no, no I’m not. That’s a cheap shot. Nathaniel Havok is the man that needs to be straightened out. And by man, I mean that he is not the ruler of the underworld, he is not the great beast that the Bible speaks of, he is not the ruler of the demonic world, nor is he anything special. He’s exactly what I claimed in the first place. A middle of the road guy who got real lucky and was allowed into this match. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can straighten out a few more things with the young Mr. Nathaniel Havok. First of all Nathaniel, when you first came out here earlier this week and prepared for your match by taking some heated questions from a reporter that was clearly on your payroll, you didn’t even mention me. Like I was a non-entity. Like I didn’t matter. When I saw this, I smiled so brightly, so boldly. Oh, the poor bastard in underestimating me. Oh the man who is following in my footsteps is refusing to mention the man the he emulates. Let’s go through this real quickly Nathaniel. The things that you have accomplished in the APW. First of all, you ended Cooper Conrads career. Well, let’s be honest, he didn’t have much of a career anyways, so how difficult was that. And then, even beyond that, Cooper Conrad essentially didn’t even put up a fight. But here’s the funny thing. Do you know who beat Cooper Conrad before you did? And beat him TWICE? Me. Yep, before you were even in the picture, Cooper Conrad was already an absolute nothing to me. Then lets see, who did you take out after that? Victor Hades, ok, again, that would be impressive, if he had a chance to fight against you. But, again, you attack a defenseless man and possibly end his career. That’s really great, just keep on taking out completely defenseless people. But let’s think of this, who had beaten Victor Hades before? Oh yes, that’s right…me. Now, you can allude to the fact that Victor Hades beat me at Shockwave. I remember the match, but, let’s think about it. Where has Victor Hades been since then? He’s been nowhere. He was a complete shell of his former self after defeating me. He gave it everything he had, he put all he possibly could into defeating me. He went above and beyond anything he had ever done in his entire life, just to defeat me. What have I done since? Oh, only cement myself into the World Title picture, and raise myself into a legitimate main eventer alongside Level-One and Sally Talfourd. You on the other hand, weaseled your way into a world title shot by attacking a defenseless man. Yes, you are certainly the bigger man here. Everyone should be petrified of the man who ends careers of those who already have one foot out the door. Give me a damn break Havok. No one is impressed with you. No one cares about you, and frankly, no one gives a shit who Aiden Payne is either. Is he related to Bryan Payne? Because then maybe I’ll care. But for now, you’re just a man who I have to pay attention to for one damn week and then you will go away. You’ll be pushed back into the underworld where you came from and I can forget about the absolute nightmare it is trying to figure out what the hell you want from everyone here in APW. God, that was a bit of a tangent. My main point here, is that I had really thought you underestimated me, and I was absolutely psyched that you had. But of course, you had to come out and ruin it all.
Mark picks up his glass of water and drinks from it again, he finishes the glass and rests it back on the side table. He clears his throat again and goes for another sip of water despite the glass being empty. Upon realization that the glass is empty, he throws the glass against the wall and the glass shatters.
Bill: What the fuck was that?
Mark Mania: I need some water, man.
Mark smiles to himself as Bill pours another glass of water and steps lightly to avoid stepping on any glass. He hands Mark the water and Mark drinks half the glass and places it back on the side table.
Mark Mania: Ok, back to Nathaniel Havok. Now, it turns out that all it takes to get this little ruler of the underworld all hot and bothered is to essentially point out facts about him. Like the fact that he does not belong in this match. That’s a pretty easy place to start. Nathaniel, you haven’t done anything. You beat Sally Talfourd, big whoop, no one cares. You’ve been spending so much time “vanquishing demons” and searching for this apparent phantom Aiden Payne, that you haven’t sat down to realize that you’re not on the main event level here in APW yet. Not saying you never will be, just saying you’re not now, and won’t be for as long as I’m in the APW. Don’t take offense to it, there are very few people here that belong in the main event. Me, Level-One, Sally Talfourd, Pence Weatherlight, and when he wasn’t missing in action, Bryan Payne. Other than that, it’s just a whole bunch of wannabes. And listen Nathaniel, it’s fine with me if you want to be in the main event. Who doesn’t!? But for the love of God, don’t come to me with your bitching and whining about how I don’t pay enough attention to you and I don’t give you any respect. What in the hell have you done to earn my respect? Take out defenseless opponents and use all sorts of trickery to convince everyone that you’re the ruler of the underworld? Give me a break, man. I mean really, the best you can say about me is that I’m not that good and no one gives a damn about me? Man, you claim I don’t pay attention to APW, maybe you should look around outside of your little delusional hell world you live in. I have quickly become synonymous with APW. When people think APW they think Mark Mania, when people think Mark Mania, they think APW. When people think Nathaniel Havok, they think…”Who?” I know that you like to think that you’re some big enforcer of sorrow and that just because the people that are on your payroll bow before you that I’m going to too. But frankly son, that’s just not going to happen. You want to disrespect me? That’s perfectly fine, keep on, keeping on. But maybe, just maybe you should take a look at the one person who you believe is on the same level as you. Take a look at Level-One. Have you noticed who he fears? Have you noticed who he respects? Have you noticed that it’s not you? You’re kissing this mans ass harder than Biggs does, yet you haven’t realized what his biggest fear is coming into One Night in Hell. It’s me Nathaniel. It’s Mark fuckin’ Mania. That’s who Level-One is concerned with the most. Yet, you, in complete ignorance think that I am not the favorite to win this match. Hell you don’t even think I’m on your same level. To go even further, you don’t even think I belong in this match. I mean, setting aside the fact that you just barely got placed into this match last week because of some fluke, let’s think about how I WON my way into this match. That’s right, I won a legitimate match, I didn’t just attack a defenseless man. And, actually, let’s think about it. Who did I defeat to enter into the match? Oh yes, that’s right, the man you love so much, Lester Only. Who else was in that match you ask? Oh right, Victor Hades. The defenseless man you attacked? Remember him? That’s what I thought. Because I won that match, I won my entrance into the Elimination Chamber. I earned my entrance into the elimination chamber. Let me emphasize the word “earned”. I beat the APW World Champion. Fair and square, I won, and therefore, I got to be entered into the Elimination Chamber. But let’s not forget, you CLEARLY deserve to be in this match more than I do. How about you polish up on your APW history bud?
Mark straightens himself up in his seat and takes another drink of water.
Mark Mania: Nathaniel, everyone is aware that you live in a delusional world where you are the ruler of the underworld, and where witches and warlocks and demons all really exist, but, even I didn’t realize what a true fantasy your life has become. You claim that people want to see Level-One vs. Nathaniel Havok? When the fuck did that happen? I’m still trying to remember when people learned who Nathaniel Havok was? Hell, I could go out into the street right now and show people pictures of you asking who you were and they’d claim they had no idea who that extremely feminine looking man was. I mean Havok, I don’t know your past, and I also don’t care about your past. I could give absolutely two shits about anything you’ve done in your past. You’ve come out of retirement to grace us all in the APW with your presence. But here’s the thing, no one knows who the hell you are. Now, I can relate with you. When I unveiled myself as Mark Mania, people did not recognize the name as much as in the past. But, one man did. That’s right, I at least had one person who knew who I was. That person was Level-One. That person was your idol, the man you emulate day in and day out, the man that you want to be next to in the ring. He’s the man who remembered the legacy of Mark Mania. Mark Mania the Legend, Mark Mania the man who has seen it all and who has done it all. Which helped herald me into the picture. I won’t lie, Level-One was a big reason that I became so popular so quickly. But this didn’t happen because Level-One liked me, or because he asked for me to be pushed onto the scene. No, this happened because Level-One feared me, and no one had ever seen Level-One be as concerned with someone as he was with me. Who feared you when you entered APW? Cooper Conrad? I’m pretty sure he was afraid of the dark too, Nathaniel. You haven’t impressed me since you’ve come to the APW. You haven’t done anything that makes me afraid of you, or anything that makes me respect you. The only thing you’ve done is severely annoy the shit out of me. But, I can take homage in the fact that after this week, you’ll be just another failed competitor wishing that they had paid attention to what was really going on in the APW.
Mark crosses his legs and rubs his chin gently.
Mark Mania: Nathaniel, I don’t think I’m quite done with you yet actually. I think there is still a little more that you need to be made aware of. Because while you may be delusional, you’re not stupid. So, I think you’ll be able to understand what I’m trying to say. See here’s the problem I have with you. You seem to think that I merely talk the talk. You seem to think that all of my threats are idle. You seem to think that I am not a man of action, but rather that I am someone who just stirs up a whole bunch of trouble and then sits back and watches as everyone else makes a fool of themselves. Well, frankly boy, that’s just untrue. I love nothing more than getting into the thick of things. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s going to be an absolute blast watching all of you kick the shit out of each other while I sit back and hang out in my cell waiting to be unleashed. But, I would have no problem being the first person in there. I’d have no problem fighting all the way through to the end. I’m like a damn pit bull Nathaniel, put me in the middle and I’ll go freewheeling for peoples throats until I get the kill. If you think I’m a man of all talk, you’re going to have some serious problems when you realize that my bite is a whole hell of a lot worse than my bite. For God’s sake, my bite could rip your damn throat clean off. The more I think about you Havok, the more you piss me off. Maybe I’m playing right into your game, maybe you want to piss me off and you’re really hoping that I’ll lose focus and you can capitalize on that. But again, this is where you living in a delusional world comes into play. I’m the veteran here Havok. I’ve been in this business for a long, long time, and one thing that I will make perfectly clear is the fact that I do not lose focus. When I get angry, I gain focus, and it motivates me even more. Before this, you were just a middle of the road guy that I didn’t give a damn about. But you have a big mouth on you, and the more I think about you, the more pissed off I’m getting. This is not going to end well for you Havok, I can guarantee you that. You say that you don’t enjoy having your back up against a wall. Well I’m sorry son, because I’m pushing you back right now. I hope your fight or flight is telling you to fight, because I’ll smash your damn head off that wall until you start trying to throw fire balls in my face only to realize that I’m not some fictional character you’ve made up in your own damn head. I’m a real fucking competitor and I’m going to wipe the floor with your delusional universe and when you’re backed up against that wall and the only thing running through your brain is that you must defend yourself against Mark Mania there are only going to be two ways out. One is through pinfall and the other is through submission. I don’t give a damn how I beat you Nathaniel, but you can take this back to the underworld with you, I will defeat you. I will clear your mind of all of these “mixed reactions” that you think I’m sending, and send one clear and concise message. I am going to eliminate you from the Elimination Chamber. You’re not going to know when, and you’re not going to know how, but before Sunday night is over, your world will come crashing down on you like the Berlin Wall. You think that I made a mistake by pushing you up against a wall, oh Nathaniel, you delusional bastard, you made the mistake by being caught between a wall and a hard place.
Mark slams his fist on the side table, shaking the glass standing upon it and even hitting the side table so hard that the camera shakes.
Mark Mania: I need another damn water Bill!
Bill: Yeah, yeah, just filling out the check, how much to the NAACP?
Mark Mania: Why the fuck am I giving money to the NAACP?
Bill: Uh, you asked me to donate to them because you thought you were being a little racist to Criss Cassidy.
Mark Mania: Oh, right, no, no, I was just saying that for the camera, get me a fucking water.
Bill fills up another glass of water and brings it to Mark who immediately pours the water out onto the ground.
Mark Mania: That water looked funny.
Bill: You’re acting like a complete ass.
Mark Mania: It’s the day before the match Bill, this is the last time I’m going to tell you that I don’t feel like putting up with your bullshit right now.
Bill: Dick.
Bill says this as he’s walking away to get another glass of water. Bill brings the glass to Mark, and Mark takes a big gulp.
Mark Mania: Thank you Bill.
Bill: Yeah. Sure.
Mark smiles as Bill walks back outside of view of the camera.
Mark Mania: Okay, now, I had planned on that being the end of my straightening out of Nathaniel Havok, but frankly, I just keep remembering more and more of what that enormous moron spewed out. He at once point claimed that I didn’t know who I truly was. I really thought I’ve explained this. I know that there was some confusion with the whole Crazy Joe transformation into Mark Mania. Yes, I had some mental problems. I’m more than aware of that. My mentor, my cousin, and my very best friend was brutally murdered by one of our closest friends. I then spent over a year tracking down the people who I had at first thought were responsible. I found these men, and I made them pay. I made them pay dearly. Then, I found out that it was our close friend who had murdered my cousin. Needless to say, I did not handle this well. I didn’t handle it well at all. I had a tip that Bonez, the man who killed my cousin, was in Japan. I rushed over there immediately and after accidentally killing a man, I lost my shit. Plain and simple. I was seeing things, I was experiencing a loss of memory, I was having a lot of issues. Cue, Crazy Joe. When I had lost all memory of my previous life, I stumbled around Japan looking for some sort of motivation, something, anything to take away the emptiness. I was drawn to wrestling. Obviously I was drawn to wrestling because I am one of the greatest wrestlers who has ever graced a ring. Now, in Japan, most wrestlers wear masks, I was happy to do this, and I realized quickly that I was so good at wrestling, this may have been in my past, and I didn’t want anyone finding out who I was before I knew. So, I kept the mask on day in and day out. I was given the name Crazy Joe, because one, I was absolutely insane in the ring and willing to do absolutely anything to win, and two, because apparently Japanese people are quite racist against white people and just call all of us white Americans, Joe. So, there was the birth of Crazy Joe. Now, eventually I had gotten so well known in Japan, that my manager told me I belonged wrestling in the United States. So, I moved to the United States, to Boston to be specific, and began wrestling with Action Packed Wrestling, using the name that I had been given in Japan. Now, after awhile I began to have visions of my past life. My stress induced amnesia was apparently beginning to fade. The visions became more and more realistic, until, eventually, I was actually a schizophrenic . When I went to sleep as Crazy Joe, I woke up as Mark Mania, and when I went to sleep as Mark Mania, I awoke as Crazy Joe. Now, obviously this reeks of mental insanity. Which it definitely was. But, then, one day, when I went to sleep as Mark Mania, I awoke as Mark Mania. I remembered everything, I knew everything. I remembered every bit of my past as well as the past of Crazy Joe. My two personalities united and I became what I am today. So, you were right, I did need to snap back into reality. Nathaniel, you were just wrong about when it happened. It’s already happened my friend. I am one person, I am Mark Mania. So trust me, I live in no fantasy world. I live in the real world, as one person, with one goal. My one goal is to win the APW World Championship.
Mark grabs the glass of water and drinks from it.
Mark Mania: Alright world, I’m sorry, that’s it for Nathaniel Havok. I know that must have been brutal for you, but truly, he is just in one sorry state of affairs. Quite possibly the most delusional man I have ever encountered, and remember, at one point, I was a crazy person. But, now I’d like to move on to the last person who really needs a reality check. The last person that I believe needs to be set straight about Mark Mania. That person is Sally Talfourd, the beautiful, the talented, the amazing, Sally Talfourd. The peoples champion, Sally Talfourd. The woman who will set APW straight. The woman who will herald in a new era into APW, the era of the fans! She will not let the world title go to her head, no, she will continue to be humble and continue to wrestle for the fans, and only for the fans! Oh my God Sally, your little soapbox brigade has run it’s course, no? This is like when Barrack Obama was running against John McCain, well, not exactly like that, but in the sense that you’re main platform is that I’m no better than Level-One, while Obama’s main platform was that McCain was just like George W. Bush. Now, granted, there are some similarities in that metaphor that don’t work in my favor. One, Obama won, two, McCain is old, and Level-One refers to me as old man. But give me a break, I just came up with it off the top of my head and it really speaks well to my point. My point is this Sally, you’re not running for any sort of public office. This isn’t a popularity contest between Level-One and you and I. No, this is an actual match. You don’t have to just have everyone on your side to win. We’re in a damn Elimination Chamber Sally! What’s going to happen, the fans will revolt and begin attacking Level-One and I because we’re just the same old played out story? Oh give me a break sweetie. I know that you like to believe you’re going to bring change to the APW and that this will be a kindler, gentler, less self-centered APW. You know that’s not true sweetheart. If you won that title, it would immediately go directly to your head and you would lose it! You would be so thrilled to be on top of the world that you would rule with an iron fist because you’d be so afraid of losing the title. It’s comments like yours that make me realize you’ve never been the face of a brand, have you? You’ve never had to carry the weight of a company on your shoulders. Because, if you had, you’d realize that there is only one way to run it. You need to be the very best at all times, everything needs to revolve around you because YOU are the product. You are the very best thing that APW has to offer and therefore, everything should always be about you! Level-One gets it. That’s why it’s Level-One Presents: Thursday Night Overdrive. Because people come here to see him, he’s the damn champion Sally! You think people are going to come watch Overdrive if the World Champion is just hanging out in the back and only comes out to wrestle or to flirt with the General Manager? Give me a break, this is going to turn into a damn episode of Laguna Beach if that’s all that ever happens. A lot of flirting, someone gets in a fight, and then a lot of panning pictures of the outside scenery and then it’s over. There is a reason that the demographic is quite different between Laguna Beach and Thursday Night Overdrive Sally, it’s because the only people that like Laguna Beach are annoying thirteen year old girls who just got their first period and now they want to pretend like they’re giant sluts like the girls they emulate on TV from Laguna Beach. The people that show up to Overdrive are honest, hard working, blue collar American’s. Or, in this situation, Japanese people. The last thing they want to see is you flirting with Biggs and then getting all butt hurt when he marries someone else. Oh God, those people would gouge their damn eyes out if they had to put up with that all the time.
Mark rubs his eyes viciously trying to get the thought of Sally and Biggs out of his head.
Mark Mania: But Sally, you do speak a little truth. The letter was not my finest moment. No, I’m aware that I should’ve just come right out and say everything I had to say. But understand this, I did not write the letter because I was afraid of saying it to your face, nor did I write the letter because I was afraid of what the fans would say. No, no, I wrote you a letter because I was scared shitless of my employee Emily. That letter was full of disrespect and hatred and all the things she’s against. So, I completely understand your issues with the fact that I wrote you letter. But, let’s not focus so much on the avenue in which the words were portrayed but rather, the words themselves. I didn’t speak many untrue ones. You are essentially just a walking sex symbol. You can’t have a face like that or a body like that and expect to be taken seriously by me. I mean look at me, I’m no slouch myself in the looks department, I understand what it’s like to be beautiful. It’s difficult at times. I mean, granted, I’m a white male so my opportunities come far more often than yours do as a female. But, lets not pretend you and I are so different. I sell seats because I’m damn good at what I do and because I’m not too bad to look at. You sell seats because people want to look at your, and you’re not too bad at this whole wrestling thing. We’re really not so different you and I, Sally Talfourd. No, not one bit. Especially when it comes to a certain feeling that you have towards me. That feeling is respect. You made a very big deal about respect in your last little online video. I understand it’s difficult for you to get respect. I know that it is, and I know that I didn’t help at all by just completely and utterly disrespecting you. But, as I said before, I learn from my mistakes very quickly. I realize that you’re part of what makes APW great. I even admitted recently that I had a grudging respect for you. Because frankly, you beat me. I can’t say that you beat me fair and square, because, obviously Level-One interfered and changed the entire course of the match, but still, at the end of the night, you were named victorious. So, this actually defeats the main point of your argument that Level-One and I are no different from each other. Because now, I HAVE said kind words about you, now, I am the bigger man. But don’t worry, I’m not going to completely disagree with you about Level-One. We do have quite a few similarities, there is no two ways around that. The biggest similarity that we have however, is winning. We both will do absolutely whatever it takes in order to win. So, I’m not going to be offended by being compared to Level-One. Actually, in the APW, I take that as quite a compliment. Everyone here in the APW kisses Level-One’s ass day in and day out, so why on earth would I not want to be compared to him? So that’s your big rallying point Sally? You’re going to be a new kind of champion, not more of the same. You do understand that Level-One is one of the most successful champions of all time correct? You do understand that Level-One commands respect from essentially everyone in the wrestling world, right? And you’d like to change that? You want APW to be recognized not for their great champions, but, for there happy go-lucky attitude right? How naïve can you be Sally? There is no possible way that anyone is going to want a change from how things are now unless that change is me. Hell, APW is thriving so much since Mark Mania and Level-One were in the same building that APW bought a new wrestling brand. Let’s think about that, Level-One and I attracted so much attention that they had to essentially double there product. There wasn’t enough room for the two of us. The two of us command every ounce of attention, so much so, that Overdrive truly did become all about us. But, let’s not forget Sally, it also became something else…successful! Ah, there it is! The key word! Success! The thing that truly links Level-One and myself together; Unparalleled success.
Mark uncrosses his knees and leans forward in his chair looking towards the camera deeply.
Mark Mania: Now Sally, listen up and listen good. I would like to clarify something with you about the one match we did have. Where, yes, you won. But, obviously that’s not the whole story now is it? I didn’t even want to wrestle you in the first place. I didn’t want to hurt the poor beautiful butterfly, and I made that abundantly clear to you. Yet, you claim that I threw everything I had at you and you lasted through it. Oh, come now Sally. If I through everything I had at you, you wouldn’t even be able to walk right now. There is a good chance that I didn’t even put half of my best effort into it. That was a match for the fans. Just getting everyone excited for One Night in Hell. I didn’t need to win that match, winning didn’t help me at all. I give it my all when I can gain something from winning. Like when I beat Level-One to get into the Elimination Chamber, or when I beat John Green in just over five minutes so that I could be the very last entrant into the chamber. What the hell did you matter Sally? So I could have some sort of mental edge? Give me a break, I don’t need a mental edge against you Sally, my physical edge is enough to carry me through any sort of “mindfucking” that could possibly be going down. The last thing that I will possibly do is read too much into the match we had. Because it didn’t mean anything. You won, what did you get for winning? A hearty pat on your back from your good friend Shane? A whoopty-doo from the crowd? Come on Sally, you really think I threw everything at you? Oh sweetie, how far you are from the truth is frankly just cute. I mean, you’re holding this match so heavily over my head it’s like you think I’m going to crumble underneath it. You think that you winning made my world fall apart around me? Look at me Sally, I’m doing just fine, I’m not running into any problems or any issues, in fact, I’m possibly doing even better than I was before our match. Because now I don’t need to pussyfoot around with you. A great man once said, I won’t hit a woman, but damn it, I will slap a bitch. And frankly Sally, you’re acting a little bitchy lately. Throwing that letter around in my face like I don’t know I wrote. I know what I fucking did, my memory isn’t gone anymore sweetheart.
Mark runs his hand through his hair and then sits back in his chair.
Mark Mania: Now Sally, you’re making the same mistake that Nathaniel Havok is, and that’s unfortunate, because, as you thought I was better than I am, I thought you were better than that. You think that I don’t have the mental capacity for this magnitude of the match. Boy, could you be any more wrong? You think I haven’t been in a match like this before? Oh please sweetie, being in this kind of match makes me feel alive for the very first time since being in APW. This is the kind of match I live for. No matter what happens when we’re all in the ring, I’ve seen it all before. You think if you pull off a couple of good moves against me that it’s going to shake me and I’m going to give a damn about you? Come on Sally, you should know better than that. I have no self-doubt. I’m as shallow as a puddle during a drought sweetheart. I guarantee that you’re going to pull off some moves against me. Hell, you may even start feeling real good in that ring. Feeling limber, feeling excited, feeling like there is a possibility that you MIGHT actually win this little dance. But come on Sally, you know that’s not going to happen. This isn’t your match to lose, this is your match to show that you’re still relevant after losing to Level-One at Shockwave. You were afraid everyone was going to think that you fell off the face of the earth, so you had to do everything in your power to get into this match. I think it’s sweet and all, I really do. But, I will be able to out last you. Not because you’re the first person into the match and I’m the last, that only helps me, but it doesn’t decide anything. No, I will out last you, because I’ve been there before. I know what it takes to win a match like this. I know exactly what a person must do if they want to win the ultimate title in a giant match like this on one of the grandest stands in all the world. I’m sure in a one on one match you and I could go on and on forever and one of us would win in the end, and you’d probably even stand a good chance. But, Sally, this is the type of match I was made for. I come from a background where every single match used to have me bloodied and bruised week in and week out. Then, every now and then, we’d throw all the best competitors in the ring together and we’d go at it, sometimes in an elimination chamber, sometimes in a giant cell, it doesn’t really matter though. Because out of the three of these types of matches I’ve been in, I’ve won two. I know exactly what it takes to win, Sally.
Mark sits up straight and runs his hand through his hair again. He gets a devilish grin on his face and offers a slight laugh.
Mark Mania: Sally, here’s the thing, I’m a very attractive man, I know this, you know this, even Level-One knows this. But what people don’t know as widely is how incredibly smart I am. It’s that quality that helps me win, it’s that quality that has gotten me to be able to win these types of matches with so many competitors. Because I can get into all of there heads and I can see exactly where the match it going. And now, now that I literally get to sit back and watch all of you wrestle for awhile before I come out, I mean, come on Sally. I am quite possibly the most intellectual wrestler that you’ve ever had the pleasure of being in the ring with, this is going to be like cake for me. I’m going to be able to see everyone strategy and exactly how everyone is reacting to each other. By the time I get into the ring I will have everyone figured out and I will be able to do exactly what is necessary to win. You can come into this match with as much heart as you possibly want. And you very well might last until I get into the ring, but I’ll tell you what won’t happen. You will not win. I am smarter than you, I am stronger than you, and I am a better wrestler than you. Please, do not take that as an insult. Because you’re smart, strong, and a great wrestler…I’m just better. I have all the skills necessary to win, and I have all the experience that essentially makes it an inevitability that I will win. I’m sorry sweetheart, that’s just the way it has to be.
Bill runs over to Mark and whispers something in his ear that Mark had apparently forgotten.
Mark Mania: Oh Bill! You’re right! Oh man, getting so excited about everything else that is going on today, I completely forgot to make a note about what an absurd hypocrite that Sally Talfourd is. She judges me for writing her a letter, saying that I don’t have the stones to say anything to her face. Yet, I go onto the APW website, and what do I see? Oh! It’s an opinion column from the young miss Sally Talfourd. How interesting that a few short weeks after I write her a letter, she’s writing opinion pieces for APW. I wonder where on earth she could’ve possibly gotten that idea? Come on now Sally, I know that Nathaniel Havok is living in my shadow and that Level-One is scared to death that I will be the Mark Mania of old tomorrow, but, now you have to steal ideas from me? I thought you were better than that, Sally! Unbelievable Sally, plus, just a heads up, I did complete college with a degree in journalism, so, if you ever need any writing help, please, feel free to ask. I always enjoy giving tips to young and upcoming writers. But here’s what I don’t get Sally. You have your little online show, and now you have a little column too. Did you think that people who watch your show wouldn’t also read your column? Because, I must say, out of everything you wrote, I don’t think there was an original thought to be found. Every point you made in your column you made earlier this week on your little webcam. Yes, I’m just like Level-One, if Mark Mania wins, he will be so selfish that he’ll have to take over Overdrive for himself and won’t share with anyone else. I get the sob story, I’ve heard it before. I mean, I saw how you got this whole little writing gig, they wanted Level-One, but instead they settled for you because you just happen to walk in on them. You think that the APW Tech Guy wasn’t just being nice saying that he was “just about to ask you”? Come on Sally. You happened to stumble in there, the guy wasn’t even 100% sure what your name was, but suddenly you’re the second biggest number drawer for APW? Something isn’t adding up here sweetie. I suggest you take some time to realize that you just happened to stumble into your little writing gig. I wouldn’t quit your day job sweetheart, one thing you need to realize is that it helps to write original stuff, not just the same bitching and complaining about change that you’ve been trying to shove down everyone’s throats for months anyways. You didn’t represent change at Shockwave and you don’t represent change now. You just represent a big ole’ pain in the ass for everyone who is trying to get some damn work done around here. Sally, the joyride for you is over, this is your last shot at the title for awhile, so you better make it count, because if you don’t, you’re going to get real bored, real quickly beating up on the Nathaniel Havok’s of the world. Hey, maybe it’ll come down to you and me and then maybe when I win the title someone will want to see us go for it head to head. You never know, Sally. Maybe you’ll get lucky and when you come over in the middle of the night sometime I’ll let you hold the title and pretend it’s yours. What a nice little role playing game that would be for the two of us.
Mark laughs to himself and leans back in the chair and gets himself comfortable. He takes a drink from his water and holds it in his hands afterwards.
Mark Mania: Alright, so, I was able to set those three straight. Which, I’m real happy about, I was worried that they were just going to keep on going on and on about how underrated they were and how I was nobody but a big name in a big match and that I would fizzle under the pressure. It’s be tedious trying to keep up with what everyone was saying. I mean, I almost forgot about my main competition in this match. Obviously it’s only an ALMOST, but, hey, we all know that I could never forget about Mr. Lester Only. That damn bastard.
Mark takes a short, calm sip from the glass of water. He looks into the cup for a moment. He’s staring deeply and thinking intently. He looks up at the camera and throws the glass towards it, sending it flying over the camera and crashing and breaking against the wall.
Mark Mania: Level-One, you insult me. Truly you do. You really think that I could work together with you in the Elimination Chamber? I mean, I’m not ruling out the possibility of us working together in the future, but, it can’t happen now big boy. If we worked together, everyone would always be wondering which of us actually deserved to win the match. Do you really want that floating over my head? I mean, first of all, we’d work together to get rid of a few of the lowly members of this match, then one of us would stab each other in the back, you know that as well as I do. We’re both complete assholes that cannot stand as one when there is only one title. If this were for the tag titles, sure, things would be different, I’m willing to admit that. But, it’s not Lester, there is only one winner in the end which means that you and I cannot be trusted to work together. Now, I’m not saying I wouldn’t have entertained the idea to try and get a little information from your camp. But unfortunately, your manager is as about as useful as a successful life in The Sims 3. A whole lot of work that counts for absolutely nothing. He could send me fan mail for decades I wouldn’t see that shit. I’m still getting fan mail from the “Legends” match I was in at The Experts three years ago. So, really, I consider getting someone else to help you try and win this match. What I do like though is the desperation that you reek of right now. It’s quite inviting actually. You realize that you can’t win this match on your own. You know that everyone is gunning for you. You also know that I’m going to be sitting in wait like a caged animal for my opportunity to get at you. Hell, you could be in that match for so long before I get out that you may not even stand a chance against me. Also, there is the possibility that you will have defeated everyone before I can even get in the match, and frankly, I would love that. It would be like watching a damn dog fight. But, as in dog fighting, only one of us can come out alive my friend. Do you really think it will be you? After everything you’ll have to go through even before I get into the ring? It’s absolutely insane for you to think that you’d stand a chance against me in those situations. Hell, we pushed each other back and forth when it was just the two of us, and despite how you refuse to accept that you didn’t really win that match, I did have my damn leg on the rope. I’m not going to let you off the hook because of an incompetent referee. Cheating is cheating my friend. No cheating in this match though brother. This match it wont matter who has a leg where or what happens. All that matters is who is by themselves at the end of the match. We both know that it’s going to come down to you and I. Hell, everyone else has already accepted it too. Sure, they claim that they’re going to be left alone with you in the end but they know that I’m the man that can stop that from happening. I’m the man who can get in their way. I’m the man who WILL be in the ring at the end of the night with you. I can’t wait for it, you can’t wait for it, and the entire APW universe can’t wait for it. Will you be ready for it?
Mark grabs the chair he’s in by it’s sides and moves closer up to the camera. Being only about five feet away now.
Mark Mania: You know Lester. I was upset to hear that you were in an accident earlier this week. I mean, I know better that it won’t really affect you, but, as Sally said, you now have a go to excuse when you lose this weekend. You’ll be able to say you weren’t at your best, you’ll be able to claim that you did the best you could with what you were given. Yet, you and I both know that this won’t affect you. A little car accident? Give me a break. We’ve all been there before. So you had an out of body experience? Shit, I’ve had out of body experiences just by drinking too much you bastard. But again, I hope that you plan on recovering fully before our match because I refuse to let you use that as an excuse on Sunday. When you lose to me, you lose on your own merits and not because you were at less than 100% don’t forget that.
Mark moves the chair up even closer to the camera now.
Mark Mania: Lester, you know as well as I do that I’m the only one in this match that you do respect. You can’t stand Sally Talfourd, you don’t even know who Nathaniel Havok or Criss Cassidy are, and Young Mannie was just a big joke all along anyways. But I represent the wild card for you. You have no idea what I’ll do. I could have the greatest match of my life and essentially make all of you look pathetic. Hell, I might be the only one in all of APW that you even have an inch of respect for. Granted, your respect comes with back handed compliments and continually making sure that I know I’m an old man. I’m fine with that boy, because that just means I have the experience I need to win. Look at me Lester, do I look like I’m out of shape or that the signs of aging are beginning to fall upon my body? I didn’t think so. The only thing showing signs of aging is my brain. I’ve become a much smarter competitor Lester. You know that. You’ve seen the transformation between three years ago and now. You know that when I’m pushed to the brink I can do some pretty amazing things. You know that I’m the biggest thing standing in the way between you and holding onto your title. Hell, I’m surprised you even remembered there was anyone else in this match. And you know what Lester, it’s for great reason too that you fear me. I haven’t seen myself at this level of competition in a real long while. I’m on top of my game, and frankly I’m feeling better than I ever have. Plus, I have the biggest advantage of anyone else going into this match. No matter when you enter the match Lester, I’m coming in after you. No matter how fresh you may be compared everyone else, I will be fresher. No matter how good you feel about your entrance position in the match, I will feel better! Lester, the writing is on the wall my friend, our paths have cross before but this is one of the major crossroads in our story. Lester, this is when two of the biggest names in all of wrestling will be in the same ring going for the same title. And you’re right, you would be stupid to underestimate me, yet you’re doing it time and time again. Thinking for a single second that I’m not in the same league as you is the biggest underestimation you could possibly make. You know I’m the only one who stands a chance against you. You know that I will be the next APW World Champion, and you’re doing everything you possibly can to scrap and claw your way to holding on to the title. Sorry Lester, time’s up.
Mark backs up his chair to it's original spot about ten feet away from the camera and sits there for a moment saying nothing. He takes a deep breath and looks straight into the camera.
Mark Mania: Ladies and gentlemen of APW, I'm here to present you with the next APW World Champion. I was here, just me and the wonderful audience of APW to explain to you why I would be champion. Not in the same way that Sally Talfourd is begging for you to come to her rescue and petition APW Management to make her the champion. No, the point of all of this was to show you that you could trust me to be the face of APW. That when I am named World Champion based off of my own merits, you will accept me as the new champion and understand that under Mark Mania, APW will flourish. I will do everything necessary to make APW the most successful federation that has ever existed. I will be the best World Champion that APW has ever seen. I know that's a tall order since you've had such great champions in the past. But, am I a man who lets people down? When have I let you great people of APW down? I can't think of a single time. Have I lost some matches? Of course I have, no one can win every match. But, I win when it counts. This is the biggest match I've had in the APW. I've said that quite a bit recently since I haven't been in the APW for long, and every time I say it, I walk away with a victory. I know what it takes to be a champion. Now a lot of people say that being the favorite is actually more difficult than being the underdog. They couldn't be more wrong. There is a reason as to why I'm the favorite. Because I'm better. Makes perfect sense doesn't it? I'm not going to let the idea of me being the favorite get into my head and make stupid mistakes. I've been in this business for too long to make stupid mistakes. I'm the favorite because I am supposed to win. Come tomorrow night. I will win. There will be no Cinderella stories, there will be no Miracles on Ice, no Rocky vs. Drago. There will be the best and there will be the rest. At the end of tomorrow night, I will be the best, and, for the rest, well, they will forever look back at the one night they spent in hell.
