Post by Blade on Mar 25, 2011 20:20:40 GMT -4
Fight or flight.
If I had to look back on my time in APW I would say that I had achieved what I came here to do. I was like a lost soul with no direction and stepping back inside that ring did exactly that; I was content; my life had meaning once more.
To say it had been a rollercoaster ride would be an understatement; it quite possibly has been the time of my life, but as people say all good things must come to an end. I am not saying anything will come to an end but that sure is how I feel right about now.
Weighing up the good and the bad times is hard; I fell into a rut and that is something that I am struggling to escape right now; I manage to push everything and anyone close to me further away as I slip further and further back; back to where I was a few years ago; a place that I said I would never revisit.
If I am unhappy in myself, how am I to continue down this path of self-destruction?
The easy option would be to throw in the towel;
Yeah don’t get me wrong, I have thought about it, but then where would I be?
Back on the road to rehab, that’s where.
SO maybe I step back for a minute and take a long hard look in the mirror; I don’t like what I see, but will I ever? Will I ever be happy with who I am; my appearance? My demeanor?
Apparently not;
Only time will tell what I will do.
I am just a time bomb waiting to explode.
Tick…
Tick…
Tick…
The Road to Rasslemania is coming to an end.
Boom~!
______________________________________________________
The call
Monday 21st March 2011
“But my hearts not in it”
An emotional blade is on the phone to someone; his voice is choked up and a tear is in his eye. Blade is looking weary which is the normality at the moment; the bloodshot veins in his eyes showing an indication of either Insomnia or Alcohol abuse.
“Buddy, listen to me; We have got you out of this position before and we can do it again.”
The sound of Blade’s agent doesn’t sit well; it’s always a team when he want it to be.
“It’s the same thing all over again though; I had a good thing going in RoughKut Wrestling with Cataclysm; we held those belts for 3 months and then the ride came to an end; the chemistry just disappeared”
“How is this the same?”
“I killed it..”
“Killed what?”
“Everything. I made a friend and then turned my back on everything again when things got rough.”
“You are looking too far into it; the past is the past, quit living in it.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you aren’t the one caught in this nightmare; you aren’t the one who puts everything on the line only to achieve nothing.”
“Speaking like that will get you nowhere; I’m sick of this Pete.”
“You’re sick of it…”
“Just get over yourself and realize that the whole world isn’t out to get you.”
“Get over myself?!”
“…”
“Go fuck yourself...”
Blade hangs the cell phone up and with full force behind it, he throws it hard against the wall where the plastic casing shatters into tiny pieces.
______________________________________________________
The last goodbye?
25th March 2011
[Fade in]
“So there really isn’t much left for me to say or do.”
“The road; my road is coming to an end. Is it really possible for me to continue with everything when it makes me feel like this?”
“I am not one to give up; I look down at people who choose to fail; I am not a failure.”
“At one point, everything was looking up; everything around me turned to gold, I felt I had found a home in APW; somewhere that would make me feel safe on the road yet again; but the truth of the matter is that nothing ever changes.”
“Is it ever possible to be truly happy?”
“Putting on an act every week an running around playing pranks it all good while it is going on, but at the end of the day this is a façade that is just waiting to crack; and this one is at breaking point. I may seem like everything is upside down; but deep down I know my heart is breaking because I know Rasslemania will help to make me; or break me.”
“Everyone around me has worked so hard to get where they are; some even work harder to stay at the top but I become complacent; why is it so hard for me to stay ahead in this game.”
“I have spent all year looking forward to Rasslemania, and now all I can think is that I will be ecstatic when it is over.”
“The reason behind it?”
“I will truly know where my heart belongs.”
“After waiting nearly two months for a rematch to try and win the titles back, CJ and I finally get it, and not at a worse possible time. It has been a slippery slope, and it’s finally time for me to step up to the plate and be a man, or slide into the sunset and do my own thing.”
“You know I am not one to be defeated easily, and the Exchange Rate will be a team until they are done, this maybe; just maybe could be our last shot.”
“The Beautiful Disaster”
“I am sure that you both have had your fun, but now when it comes down to it, it’s time for the talking to finally stop and time to let the actions take over. I am certain that your game plan will be to concentrate on me; trying not to let CJ into the match; its tried, its tested and it works to I wouldn’t blame you for that. This is the time though that I will not let the same mistakes happen over and over again. Rasslemania is attest for myself and I want nothing more than to bring these titles back home where they belong, but I know they will come at a price.”
“Its finally time for me to step up; I know this could potentially be the end of the line for the EXR;but that’s something I will have to live with, not you.”
“Last time we the outcome happened due to a technicality; this time there will be an outright winner”
“We have to beat you; I am confident we can do that.”
“When it’s all said and done; there will be tag team champions”
“Who they are is unclear.”
[Fade to static.]
If I had to look back on my time in APW I would say that I had achieved what I came here to do. I was like a lost soul with no direction and stepping back inside that ring did exactly that; I was content; my life had meaning once more.
To say it had been a rollercoaster ride would be an understatement; it quite possibly has been the time of my life, but as people say all good things must come to an end. I am not saying anything will come to an end but that sure is how I feel right about now.
Weighing up the good and the bad times is hard; I fell into a rut and that is something that I am struggling to escape right now; I manage to push everything and anyone close to me further away as I slip further and further back; back to where I was a few years ago; a place that I said I would never revisit.
If I am unhappy in myself, how am I to continue down this path of self-destruction?
The easy option would be to throw in the towel;
Yeah don’t get me wrong, I have thought about it, but then where would I be?
Back on the road to rehab, that’s where.
SO maybe I step back for a minute and take a long hard look in the mirror; I don’t like what I see, but will I ever? Will I ever be happy with who I am; my appearance? My demeanor?
Apparently not;
Only time will tell what I will do.
I am just a time bomb waiting to explode.
Tick…
Tick…
Tick…
The Road to Rasslemania is coming to an end.
Boom~!
______________________________________________________
The call
Monday 21st March 2011
“But my hearts not in it”
An emotional blade is on the phone to someone; his voice is choked up and a tear is in his eye. Blade is looking weary which is the normality at the moment; the bloodshot veins in his eyes showing an indication of either Insomnia or Alcohol abuse.
“Buddy, listen to me; We have got you out of this position before and we can do it again.”
The sound of Blade’s agent doesn’t sit well; it’s always a team when he want it to be.
“It’s the same thing all over again though; I had a good thing going in RoughKut Wrestling with Cataclysm; we held those belts for 3 months and then the ride came to an end; the chemistry just disappeared”
“How is this the same?”
“I killed it..”
“Killed what?”
“Everything. I made a friend and then turned my back on everything again when things got rough.”
“You are looking too far into it; the past is the past, quit living in it.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you aren’t the one caught in this nightmare; you aren’t the one who puts everything on the line only to achieve nothing.”
“Speaking like that will get you nowhere; I’m sick of this Pete.”
“You’re sick of it…”
“Just get over yourself and realize that the whole world isn’t out to get you.”
“Get over myself?!”
“…”
“Go fuck yourself...”
Blade hangs the cell phone up and with full force behind it, he throws it hard against the wall where the plastic casing shatters into tiny pieces.
______________________________________________________
The last goodbye?
25th March 2011
[Fade in]
“So there really isn’t much left for me to say or do.”
“The road; my road is coming to an end. Is it really possible for me to continue with everything when it makes me feel like this?”
“I am not one to give up; I look down at people who choose to fail; I am not a failure.”
“At one point, everything was looking up; everything around me turned to gold, I felt I had found a home in APW; somewhere that would make me feel safe on the road yet again; but the truth of the matter is that nothing ever changes.”
“Is it ever possible to be truly happy?”
“Putting on an act every week an running around playing pranks it all good while it is going on, but at the end of the day this is a façade that is just waiting to crack; and this one is at breaking point. I may seem like everything is upside down; but deep down I know my heart is breaking because I know Rasslemania will help to make me; or break me.”
“Everyone around me has worked so hard to get where they are; some even work harder to stay at the top but I become complacent; why is it so hard for me to stay ahead in this game.”
“I have spent all year looking forward to Rasslemania, and now all I can think is that I will be ecstatic when it is over.”
“The reason behind it?”
“I will truly know where my heart belongs.”
“After waiting nearly two months for a rematch to try and win the titles back, CJ and I finally get it, and not at a worse possible time. It has been a slippery slope, and it’s finally time for me to step up to the plate and be a man, or slide into the sunset and do my own thing.”
“You know I am not one to be defeated easily, and the Exchange Rate will be a team until they are done, this maybe; just maybe could be our last shot.”
“The Beautiful Disaster”
“I am sure that you both have had your fun, but now when it comes down to it, it’s time for the talking to finally stop and time to let the actions take over. I am certain that your game plan will be to concentrate on me; trying not to let CJ into the match; its tried, its tested and it works to I wouldn’t blame you for that. This is the time though that I will not let the same mistakes happen over and over again. Rasslemania is attest for myself and I want nothing more than to bring these titles back home where they belong, but I know they will come at a price.”
“Its finally time for me to step up; I know this could potentially be the end of the line for the EXR;but that’s something I will have to live with, not you.”
“Last time we the outcome happened due to a technicality; this time there will be an outright winner”
“We have to beat you; I am confident we can do that.”
“When it’s all said and done; there will be tag team champions”
“Who they are is unclear.”
[Fade to static.]
