Post by biggs on Apr 9, 2011 11:21:51 GMT -4
Depeche Mode's “Spacewalker” begins to play as the words First Contact flash across the screen in blue letters. The video then transitions to Biggs, who is seated at a desk very similar to the one Chris Cyrus sat behind in his “Second Contact” video.
Biggs: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the absolute best wrestling web show on the entire Internet, I am, of course, talking about Biggs' First Contact! I'm your host, the current reigning and defending APW Overdrive Champion, Biggs! Now enough of the pleasantries, lets get down to business. This Sunday, I make my Asylum debut, taking on my former tag team partner and the man I pinned at RassleMania to retain my title, none other than Chris Cyrus! And while I could go on and on about how the IWC Arena is much too small of a venue to hold my excellence, how the fans there are unworthy of getting to see me perform, the fact of the matter is that I'm coming to Asylum this week as a favor to the General Manager, one Reginald Schmidt. He needed somebody to face Chris Cyrus, and who better to take on the Former Hardcore Kid in Asylum's first show being under the APW banner than Cyrus' former APW running buddy!? I actually appreciate the bold thinking of Reginald to even try and put such a match together, and let's be honest, ever since Cyrus did what he did to my then fiance, now wife, I'll take any and every opportunity to prove my superiority over you, Christopher!
Because, Chris Cyrus, as great as you've been in the past, don't kid yourself into thinking that you're better than me! Sure, you may have the single longest title reign in APW history with your Xtreme Title run of 364 days, falling just one day short of holding it for an entire year. And you may be a Triple Crown Champion, having also held the APW Tag Team Titles and my Overdrive Championship, but let's be honest here, Cyrus, during any of your title reigns, have you been able to accomplish anything close to what I've done in my record breaking third Overdrive Title reign? Have you been able to successfully defend your belt in seven straight matches on seven straight shows? Were you able to walk into RassleMania, with your back against the wall, with everyone gunning for you, and overcome four men en route to retaining your championship? No, you weren't. In fact, Cyrus, for all your blustering and ballyhooing about how you'd make sure that I would not leave RassleMania as the Overdrive Champion, don't forget that it was you who I pinned in the deciding fall of the match! Before RassleMania, you stated that your main objective was to ensure that I lost the Overdrive Title, and that if you happened to win it, it would be an added bonus. Not only did you fail to claim my title, you failed with your initial goal so spectacularly that it's a surprise you aren't more of a laughing stalk than you already are! Cyrus, for all your talk about how you're the better of the two of us, I don't see any concrete proof of that. The fact of the matter is that every time you and I have been at opposition in the ring, Chris Cyrus, you haven't been able to defeat me! And if I have my way this Sunday, you never will. You talked a lot about how you know me better than everyone else, about how that gave you some sort of advantage over me that nobody else has. And while that may be the case, you seem to be forgetting the fact that I also have that same advantage in regards to you. I know you just as well as you know me, Cyrus, so any advantage you may seemingly have is rendered a moot point.
At this point, a midget dressed as Chris Cyrus walks into frame. He walks up to Biggs, and bangs on the desk.
Mini-Cyrus: Hey, I know you said you didn't need to use me for the show anymore, but I'm still getting paid for coming out here, right?
Biggs has a perturbed look on his face.
Biggs: Yeah, sure. We'll discuss this later. Now be on your way, I got to finish this.
Mini-Cyrus: Alright. I was just making sure!
The midget waddles off camera, as Biggs shakes his head. He adjusts his shades, regains his composure, and continues to speak.
Biggs: I mean, that right there is a prime example of how well we know each other. I was totally planning on mocking you using a midget, but you beat me to the punch! Granted, I'd never go so far as to claim that my wife is a hooker, like you so eloquently did, but then again, I guess it's only reasonable that you'd have that flawed view, because other than my wife, the only action you've ever gotten was with hookers! And it's because, Chris Cyrus, for all your accomplishments, for all you've done in this business, the bottom line remains that you are a horrible human being. Sure, my relationship with Ellie may be flawed, sure we may be going through a rough patch, but I'm doing all I can to make our relationship work. I'm actually making an effort to be a good man, a good husband, and I'm doing the best I can. I'm committed to making my relationship with Ellie work because I love her, and I want a successful marriage. You know that you're such a reprehensible joke of a man that no woman would ever consider a long term relationship with you, so you pay for a night of fake intimacy, because you figure that since they won't commit to you, you won't commit to anything. This is why your personal life is in such disarray, but it also explains why professionally, you've seemed to be in a rut. I mean, you tried to take the IWC Insane Championship from James Chambers at Blood, Sweat, and Broken Teeth, coming up just short. It's because, Cyrus, you've always wanted to come back up to the big leagues of APW Overdrive, because you never fully committed to IWC. When you challenged for my Overdrive Title, it was never about becoming the champ, only about getting back at me. Since you weren't committed to actually becoming Overdrive Champion once more, you failed to accomplish your goal. That's the real difference between you and I, Chris Cyrus, because as skilled as we both are, there's no doubt in my mind that I'm more committed to my wrestling career than you are. Nobody else in this business prepares for a match with the same thoroughness and intensity that I do. Nobody else in this business is as ardent about his legacy as I am. I am committed to making sure that I go down in history as one of the greatest of all time! How about you, Cyrus? Are you just in it for the paycheck? Are you just in it for the won-ton lifestyle? You've accomplished a lot, Chris Cyrus, I realize this, but as I've said before, this business isn't so much about what you've done in the past as it is about what have you done lately. And lately, Cyrus, you've been getting your butt whupped. There's no way to sugar coat it, or make it any easier to swallow, Chris Cyrus, other than that professionally, you've been in a rut, one which I intend to push you further down into!
Chris Cyrus, you can talk all you want, mock me and my wife all you want, and beat up all the midgets you want, the fact of the matter is that it won't hide the fact of how pathetic you really are when we meet this Sunday at Asylum. Cyrus, we used to be closer than brothers, we had each others backs. But now, all you do is use a little person to inflate your ego, telling you that you're more well endowed than he is. It's really sad how far you've fallen since our glory days in the Axis of Awesome, Chris, it's sad how you've stopped being a great competitor, and instead resort to cheap ploys to make yourself feel better about the sad man you've become. You used to drink a ton when we were successful together, and now, I shudder to think how much you drink just to take an edge off all the pain you must be feeling as of late. And I'd feel sorry for you if all of this wasn't your own dang fault! All of your recent shortcomings, all of your recent issues can be traced back to one bad decision you made last fall, and that was hooking up with Ellie. Because that one bad choice put you and I on a collision course that sent you packing from APW and left you picking up the scraps down in IWC. I've forgiven Ellie for her misdeeds, but I'll never forgive you. Because of what you did to my wife, Chris Cyrus, there is no chance of reconciliation between you and me, there's no chance for us to bury the hatchet and go back to being best friends. I'll be honest, I wish we could go back to the way things were, but we can't, and it's all your fault!
Biggs is visibly upset at this point, and pauses for a moment to compose himself.
Biggs: Bros before hoes, Chris, bros before hoes. I'm not saying that my wife is a ho, but the fact of the matter is that even if she was the one to come onto you, Chris, you should have been a man about it and not given into your base, animalistic tendencies. And even when you did give in, and I walked in on you and Ellie cavorting in the locker room at One Night in Hell, it should have ended there! Had that been the case, I'm sure I would have been able to muster up the grace in my heart to forgive you. But you decided that pursuing a casual, sexual relationship with Ellie was more important than our friendship, than our bond as brothers in that ring. As much as you try to place the blame of the break up of the Axis of Awesome on me, Chris, the fact of the matter is that all the blame lies squarely on you.
So come this Sunday, Cyrus, the time for talk will be over. We will face off once more to see who is truly the better member of the Axis. Thus far, I've proven myself to be just that, not to mention the greatest Overdrive Champion of all time! And this Sunday will be no different, because I will leave the IWC Arena victorious over you once more! Why? Because I'm quite simply OUT OF THIS WORLD!
Biggs smirks a bit as “Spacewalker” begins to play again and the screen fades to black. The APW logo and copyright flash across the screen.
Biggs: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the absolute best wrestling web show on the entire Internet, I am, of course, talking about Biggs' First Contact! I'm your host, the current reigning and defending APW Overdrive Champion, Biggs! Now enough of the pleasantries, lets get down to business. This Sunday, I make my Asylum debut, taking on my former tag team partner and the man I pinned at RassleMania to retain my title, none other than Chris Cyrus! And while I could go on and on about how the IWC Arena is much too small of a venue to hold my excellence, how the fans there are unworthy of getting to see me perform, the fact of the matter is that I'm coming to Asylum this week as a favor to the General Manager, one Reginald Schmidt. He needed somebody to face Chris Cyrus, and who better to take on the Former Hardcore Kid in Asylum's first show being under the APW banner than Cyrus' former APW running buddy!? I actually appreciate the bold thinking of Reginald to even try and put such a match together, and let's be honest, ever since Cyrus did what he did to my then fiance, now wife, I'll take any and every opportunity to prove my superiority over you, Christopher!
Because, Chris Cyrus, as great as you've been in the past, don't kid yourself into thinking that you're better than me! Sure, you may have the single longest title reign in APW history with your Xtreme Title run of 364 days, falling just one day short of holding it for an entire year. And you may be a Triple Crown Champion, having also held the APW Tag Team Titles and my Overdrive Championship, but let's be honest here, Cyrus, during any of your title reigns, have you been able to accomplish anything close to what I've done in my record breaking third Overdrive Title reign? Have you been able to successfully defend your belt in seven straight matches on seven straight shows? Were you able to walk into RassleMania, with your back against the wall, with everyone gunning for you, and overcome four men en route to retaining your championship? No, you weren't. In fact, Cyrus, for all your blustering and ballyhooing about how you'd make sure that I would not leave RassleMania as the Overdrive Champion, don't forget that it was you who I pinned in the deciding fall of the match! Before RassleMania, you stated that your main objective was to ensure that I lost the Overdrive Title, and that if you happened to win it, it would be an added bonus. Not only did you fail to claim my title, you failed with your initial goal so spectacularly that it's a surprise you aren't more of a laughing stalk than you already are! Cyrus, for all your talk about how you're the better of the two of us, I don't see any concrete proof of that. The fact of the matter is that every time you and I have been at opposition in the ring, Chris Cyrus, you haven't been able to defeat me! And if I have my way this Sunday, you never will. You talked a lot about how you know me better than everyone else, about how that gave you some sort of advantage over me that nobody else has. And while that may be the case, you seem to be forgetting the fact that I also have that same advantage in regards to you. I know you just as well as you know me, Cyrus, so any advantage you may seemingly have is rendered a moot point.
At this point, a midget dressed as Chris Cyrus walks into frame. He walks up to Biggs, and bangs on the desk.
Mini-Cyrus: Hey, I know you said you didn't need to use me for the show anymore, but I'm still getting paid for coming out here, right?
Biggs has a perturbed look on his face.
Biggs: Yeah, sure. We'll discuss this later. Now be on your way, I got to finish this.
Mini-Cyrus: Alright. I was just making sure!
The midget waddles off camera, as Biggs shakes his head. He adjusts his shades, regains his composure, and continues to speak.
Biggs: I mean, that right there is a prime example of how well we know each other. I was totally planning on mocking you using a midget, but you beat me to the punch! Granted, I'd never go so far as to claim that my wife is a hooker, like you so eloquently did, but then again, I guess it's only reasonable that you'd have that flawed view, because other than my wife, the only action you've ever gotten was with hookers! And it's because, Chris Cyrus, for all your accomplishments, for all you've done in this business, the bottom line remains that you are a horrible human being. Sure, my relationship with Ellie may be flawed, sure we may be going through a rough patch, but I'm doing all I can to make our relationship work. I'm actually making an effort to be a good man, a good husband, and I'm doing the best I can. I'm committed to making my relationship with Ellie work because I love her, and I want a successful marriage. You know that you're such a reprehensible joke of a man that no woman would ever consider a long term relationship with you, so you pay for a night of fake intimacy, because you figure that since they won't commit to you, you won't commit to anything. This is why your personal life is in such disarray, but it also explains why professionally, you've seemed to be in a rut. I mean, you tried to take the IWC Insane Championship from James Chambers at Blood, Sweat, and Broken Teeth, coming up just short. It's because, Cyrus, you've always wanted to come back up to the big leagues of APW Overdrive, because you never fully committed to IWC. When you challenged for my Overdrive Title, it was never about becoming the champ, only about getting back at me. Since you weren't committed to actually becoming Overdrive Champion once more, you failed to accomplish your goal. That's the real difference between you and I, Chris Cyrus, because as skilled as we both are, there's no doubt in my mind that I'm more committed to my wrestling career than you are. Nobody else in this business prepares for a match with the same thoroughness and intensity that I do. Nobody else in this business is as ardent about his legacy as I am. I am committed to making sure that I go down in history as one of the greatest of all time! How about you, Cyrus? Are you just in it for the paycheck? Are you just in it for the won-ton lifestyle? You've accomplished a lot, Chris Cyrus, I realize this, but as I've said before, this business isn't so much about what you've done in the past as it is about what have you done lately. And lately, Cyrus, you've been getting your butt whupped. There's no way to sugar coat it, or make it any easier to swallow, Chris Cyrus, other than that professionally, you've been in a rut, one which I intend to push you further down into!
Chris Cyrus, you can talk all you want, mock me and my wife all you want, and beat up all the midgets you want, the fact of the matter is that it won't hide the fact of how pathetic you really are when we meet this Sunday at Asylum. Cyrus, we used to be closer than brothers, we had each others backs. But now, all you do is use a little person to inflate your ego, telling you that you're more well endowed than he is. It's really sad how far you've fallen since our glory days in the Axis of Awesome, Chris, it's sad how you've stopped being a great competitor, and instead resort to cheap ploys to make yourself feel better about the sad man you've become. You used to drink a ton when we were successful together, and now, I shudder to think how much you drink just to take an edge off all the pain you must be feeling as of late. And I'd feel sorry for you if all of this wasn't your own dang fault! All of your recent shortcomings, all of your recent issues can be traced back to one bad decision you made last fall, and that was hooking up with Ellie. Because that one bad choice put you and I on a collision course that sent you packing from APW and left you picking up the scraps down in IWC. I've forgiven Ellie for her misdeeds, but I'll never forgive you. Because of what you did to my wife, Chris Cyrus, there is no chance of reconciliation between you and me, there's no chance for us to bury the hatchet and go back to being best friends. I'll be honest, I wish we could go back to the way things were, but we can't, and it's all your fault!
Biggs is visibly upset at this point, and pauses for a moment to compose himself.
Biggs: Bros before hoes, Chris, bros before hoes. I'm not saying that my wife is a ho, but the fact of the matter is that even if she was the one to come onto you, Chris, you should have been a man about it and not given into your base, animalistic tendencies. And even when you did give in, and I walked in on you and Ellie cavorting in the locker room at One Night in Hell, it should have ended there! Had that been the case, I'm sure I would have been able to muster up the grace in my heart to forgive you. But you decided that pursuing a casual, sexual relationship with Ellie was more important than our friendship, than our bond as brothers in that ring. As much as you try to place the blame of the break up of the Axis of Awesome on me, Chris, the fact of the matter is that all the blame lies squarely on you.
So come this Sunday, Cyrus, the time for talk will be over. We will face off once more to see who is truly the better member of the Axis. Thus far, I've proven myself to be just that, not to mention the greatest Overdrive Champion of all time! And this Sunday will be no different, because I will leave the IWC Arena victorious over you once more! Why? Because I'm quite simply OUT OF THIS WORLD!
Biggs smirks a bit as “Spacewalker” begins to play again and the screen fades to black. The APW logo and copyright flash across the screen.
