Post by Jimmy The Lock on Apr 9, 2011 20:11:01 GMT -4
Thursday, April 1st, 2011, 7:30 PM.
Nelson Residence
Spokane, Washington
Craig: Come on, Jimmy! You can do this, Man up! This where champions are made!
James: I'm trying!
Craig: You think Rico Casteel is dragging HIS ass right now!? Him and Busey are probably somewhere dreaming up a way to kick your dickhole in!
James: Whatever he's doing, it certainly isn't this!
Craig: For Pete's sake, Jimmy! Stop before you hurt yourself. That was disgraceful!
Craig: Look at this! Is this your idea of clean!? This dish isn't fit for the crackiest of Harlem crack babies to lap government gruel out of!
James: That's kind of racist.
Craig: That's beside the point! If you can't scrub Six Cheese Lasagna residue out of a Pyrex bowl, how in the blue hell do you expect to beat Casteel and that lunatic Busey!?
Craig: Is there something you wanna say to me Chambers?
James: Yeah, there is! Maybe I'd be able to get the damn stains out of the bowl if my hands weren't so sore from slaving over a hot stove for three hours to make the Six Cheese Lasagna from scratch, to no thanks from you of course! What kind of training is this, anyway!?
Craig: Not that it's any of your business, but my housekeeper Consuela got deported last week. In my house, Thursday is Six Cheese Lasagna night, and Consuela or no Consuela, i gets my Six Cheese Lasagna, and Consuela or no Consuela, i gets clean dishes! But since you so badly want to kick training up a notch, come to this address at this time on Saturday.
Craig: Hey Chambers, one more thing!
Craig: Your Six Cheese Lasagna blows.
Saturday, April 2nd 2011, 11:45 A.M.
Brave Legion MMA
Vancouver, Washington
Craig: Remember when we were talking the other day? You spoke of a cousin who used to bully you.
James: Cousin Ronnie, he used to pummel me worse than Ike did Tina. Every time i tried to fight back, he'd just kick the shit out of me and lock me in our Grandfather's outhouse.
Craig: Your Grandparents had an outhouse? I knew you were from the South, but geez....
James: No, we had a bathroom inside the house, but my Grandfather had Irritable Bowel Syndrome really bad, the worst documented case in Alabama's medical history. The smell was making the house uninhabitable, so they built and outhouse for him.
Craig: That's..disgusting. But it also brings us to today's lesson. Facing your fears! Behold!
Ronnie: Hey there, Crotchface. Long time no see.
James: H-hey R-ronnie....what are you doing here?
Ronnie: Like you don't know. I was sitting at home, and i had gotten a call from Coach over there telling me that little baby Jimmy, who was my BITCH every summer from '82 to '89, wants revenge. So, i popped off my ankle monitor and hopped on the next thing smoking to Washington.
James: YOU did this!?
Craig: Don't drag me into this! You're the one who said he punches like a bitch!
Ronnie: A BITCH, eh!?
Craig: Live or die, Jimmy! Make your choice!
James: Ronnie! Please! Let's talk about thi---
James: OW! In the ear, dude!? Seriously!?
Ronnie: All is fair in love and fuckin' shit up!
Danny Glover: Don't count on it...I'm too old for that shit.
Earlier that week.....
THE END
Nelson Residence
Spokane, Washington
Inside the lavish home of the incomparable Craig T. Nelson, two voices are heard, one belonging to James, and one belonging to Craig. We can't quite make out where the voices are coming from, but from the sound of things, Craig is putting James through some sort of intense training drill to prepare him for the first ever APW Asylum Main Event, where he faces Rico Casteel and Gary Busey.
Craig: Come on, Jimmy! You can do this, Man up! This where champions are made!
James: I'm trying!
Craig: You think Rico Casteel is dragging HIS ass right now!? Him and Busey are probably somewhere dreaming up a way to kick your dickhole in!
James: Whatever he's doing, it certainly isn't this!
Craig: For Pete's sake, Jimmy! Stop before you hurt yourself. That was disgraceful!
In the kitchen, we find James and an agitated Craig. He angrily holds a square glass bowl in front of James's face.
Craig: Look at this! Is this your idea of clean!? This dish isn't fit for the crackiest of Harlem crack babies to lap government gruel out of!
James: That's kind of racist.
Craig: That's beside the point! If you can't scrub Six Cheese Lasagna residue out of a Pyrex bowl, how in the blue hell do you expect to beat Casteel and that lunatic Busey!?
James snatches the dish from Craig's hands and smashes it to pieces on the floor. A livid Craig is turns crimson, clenches his teeth and gets nose to nose with James.
Craig: Is there something you wanna say to me Chambers?
James: Yeah, there is! Maybe I'd be able to get the damn stains out of the bowl if my hands weren't so sore from slaving over a hot stove for three hours to make the Six Cheese Lasagna from scratch, to no thanks from you of course! What kind of training is this, anyway!?
Craig: Not that it's any of your business, but my housekeeper Consuela got deported last week. In my house, Thursday is Six Cheese Lasagna night, and Consuela or no Consuela, i gets my Six Cheese Lasagna, and Consuela or no Consuela, i gets clean dishes! But since you so badly want to kick training up a notch, come to this address at this time on Saturday.
James yanks a folded piece of paper from Craig's outstretched hand and starts off toward the front door.
[/center]Craig: Hey Chambers, one more thing!
James stops and turns.
Craig: Your Six Cheese Lasagna blows.
James lets out a frustrated grunt, tears off his floral print apron and yellow dishwashing gloves, and storms out in a huff.
Saturday, April 2nd 2011, 11:45 A.M.
Brave Legion MMA
Vancouver, Washington
A black 2011 Dodge Avenger pulls into a parking space in front of the gym. The door opens, and the APW World Heavyweight Champion emerges from the vehicle carrying a black bag. After shutting the door and setting the alarm, he approaches Craig T. Nelson, who is waiting nearby. They make small talk as they enter the facility.
Craig: Remember when we were talking the other day? You spoke of a cousin who used to bully you.
James: Cousin Ronnie, he used to pummel me worse than Ike did Tina. Every time i tried to fight back, he'd just kick the shit out of me and lock me in our Grandfather's outhouse.
Craig: Your Grandparents had an outhouse? I knew you were from the South, but geez....
James: No, we had a bathroom inside the house, but my Grandfather had Irritable Bowel Syndrome really bad, the worst documented case in Alabama's medical history. The smell was making the house uninhabitable, so they built and outhouse for him.
Craig: That's..disgusting. But it also brings us to today's lesson. Facing your fears! Behold!
James's eyes bulge, and he stops cold in his tracks as Craig motions to the boxing ring in the center of the gym. Inside the ring decked out in boxing gear, standing at 6'9" and 280 pounds of mentally imbalanced rage, James's sociopathic cousin Ronnie Chambers. If Judge Judy and Mike Tyson were to mate, this man would be the product of that union. A sinister grin crosses his face and he leaps through the ropes and approaches James.
Ronnie: Hey there, Crotchface. Long time no see.
James tries to hide his unwavering fear of his cousin, but fails miserably.
[/center]James: H-hey R-ronnie....what are you doing here?
Ronnie: Like you don't know. I was sitting at home, and i had gotten a call from Coach over there telling me that little baby Jimmy, who was my BITCH every summer from '82 to '89, wants revenge. So, i popped off my ankle monitor and hopped on the next thing smoking to Washington.
James turns to Craig.
[/center]James: YOU did this!?
Craig: Don't drag me into this! You're the one who said he punches like a bitch!
Ronnie: A BITCH, eh!?
Ronnie's eyes light up with sinister delight.
"OOMPH!"
Ronnie delivers a swift quick knee strike to James's stomach. He doubles over in pain and Ronnie throws him into the ring.
[/center]"OOMPH!"
Ronnie delivers a swift quick knee strike to James's stomach. He doubles over in pain and Ronnie throws him into the ring.
Craig: Live or die, Jimmy! Make your choice!
James crawls across the ring, and pulls himself up using the ropes.
[/center]James: Ronnie! Please! Let's talk about thi---
FAP!
Ronnie socks James again!
Ronnie socks James again!
James: OW! In the ear, dude!? Seriously!?
Ronnie: All is fair in love and fuckin' shit up!
Oh noes! Has Jimmy finally met his match? We haven't seen him in this much danger since the time when he ate Bean Burritos and Collard Greens at that Mexican/Soul Food restaurant in '87! Will he finally stand up to and defeat his evil Cousin Ronnie? Will he even make it to the first ever APW Asylum? Will there be another Lethal Weapon film?
Danny Glover: Don't count on it...I'm too old for that shit.
=======TO BE CONTINUED=======
Earlier that week.....
How 'bout Rasslemania? If ever there were a way for IWC to go out, beating the flying monkey shit out of Team APW in War Games on the grandest stage of them all would definitely be it. It was an awesome experience, plenty of hair-raising moments, and plenty of back and forth action with neither team willing to budge. Now, as Captain, it is my duty to give credit to my team, but what the fuck is wrong with Nate Bishop?
Bitch, where in THE FUCK do you get the balls to try and take credit for the win? I'm not going to sit here and pretend that you or Kash didn't have anything to do with us getting the W, but you certainly didn't do as much as you think you did. WE ALL CONTRIBUTED TO THE WIN IN OUR OWN WAY. But since you want to get particular about things done in the match, what has thumbs and choked out the President of this Company for the win?
.......
.......
This guy!
You are fucking delusional, evidence of this is you creating your own title because you can't win one that counts. It would be funny if it weren't so sad. On second thought, it is funny. It's frigging hysterical, actually. In closing, eat a dick, fuck Dangertainment, and enjoy living out your APW days on the undercard. And for me deciding against slapping the shit out of you for talking out of your gaping ass, Nate Bishop, you're Welcome. I've already taken a step backward in my career just by mentioning your name, so it's time to shift gears.
And that brings us to Asylum, that last one ever from the IWC Arena.
It's a little bittersweet to me, because I've grown to love the Long Island fans. They are some of the most bloodthirsty, craziest, wildest bastards I've ever had the honor of wrestling for. On the flipside, for us Misfits it means we get bigger exposure to a wider audience, new titles, and my favorite part, bigger paydays.
As a gift to the fans, a kick-ass Main Event to close it out with. Myself and Craig against Rico Casteel in Gary Busey. Gary Busey was indeed my cornerman at Rasslemania, but in no way do i have any idea what the hell is going through his head, so you don't have to worry about Reggie trying to set you up, Rico. If anybody can figure out Gary Busey, then they can probably count to infinity twice.
Congrats Rico, I'm happy you won your Battle Royale. Funny thing is, i won a battle royal of my own a few months ago which led to me becoming the IWC Insane Champion, the first and last man to hold the belt. Do you know the difference between those two scenarios? While my battle royal win led to me becoming champion, your battle royal win will lead to nothing but disappointment and defeat.
You seem have to have taken my respect for you as me being intimidated, but rest assured, I've been doing this for over 20 years, and you have nothing that i haven't seen. In Layman's terms: You ain't scarin' shit over here holmes. If your paranoia over Reginald trying to stack the deck against you is any indicator, the one who has the mental weakness, not me. You got designs on the World Heavyweight Championship? Join the fucking club. If i had a nickel for everyone who said they were going to kick my ass and take my belt and actually did it, I'd be living in a cardboard box and eating out of dumpsters, because it has never happened.
I'm glad you're confident, because I'm confident, and I'd hate to beat someone who already has himself beat mentally. Confidence makes for great matches, and i share your opinion in saying that our encounter will be a great one, because it will. It's gonna be one for the books, but for you, it will be for all the wrong reasons. I'm not going to lie, in our first meeting my stock plummeted mildy even in victory. People saw that i was human and the veil of invincibility i had over me was blown apart. So when i say for all the wrong reasons on your end, what I'm saying is that I'm going to defeat you soundly in the most dominant and violent fashion, making the detractors eat their words and cementing my legacy amongst the most dominant Megastars in APW's storied history.
You're right, this is a precursor of things to come, but not the way you think. The James Chambers reign of terror tour begins now, and you're the first stop. Then it goes on to the next poor soul in title contention and it doesn't stop until everyone who poses a threat to me has been shut down. You got over on me the first time, Rico. You rose to the occasion and you had me on the ropes. I admit, i took you lightly because i was focused on that douchebag Cyrus and his fuckery. But don't worry, because now you are my sole focus, and I never make the same mistake twice. When the opportunity comes, i will show you better than i can tell you.
As far as the match? I could give less than a fuck about that Horse Faced wackjob Busey, because he's not who i have in my sights. My advice to you is, if you want to get this thing started early, make the tag to Busey, Coach will tag out to me, and we can give the fans an early preview. Indeed i respect you, but respect only goes so far my friend. The truth is, i like you Rico. I wouldn't mind us having a beer or ten when it's all said and done, but for right now, you are my enemy. You want what i have, and I'm not ready to give it up yet. Sorry, but it's not your time.
[/color][/b]Bitch, where in THE FUCK do you get the balls to try and take credit for the win? I'm not going to sit here and pretend that you or Kash didn't have anything to do with us getting the W, but you certainly didn't do as much as you think you did. WE ALL CONTRIBUTED TO THE WIN IN OUR OWN WAY. But since you want to get particular about things done in the match, what has thumbs and choked out the President of this Company for the win?
.......
.......
This guy!
You are fucking delusional, evidence of this is you creating your own title because you can't win one that counts. It would be funny if it weren't so sad. On second thought, it is funny. It's frigging hysterical, actually. In closing, eat a dick, fuck Dangertainment, and enjoy living out your APW days on the undercard. And for me deciding against slapping the shit out of you for talking out of your gaping ass, Nate Bishop, you're Welcome. I've already taken a step backward in my career just by mentioning your name, so it's time to shift gears.
And that brings us to Asylum, that last one ever from the IWC Arena.
It's a little bittersweet to me, because I've grown to love the Long Island fans. They are some of the most bloodthirsty, craziest, wildest bastards I've ever had the honor of wrestling for. On the flipside, for us Misfits it means we get bigger exposure to a wider audience, new titles, and my favorite part, bigger paydays.
As a gift to the fans, a kick-ass Main Event to close it out with. Myself and Craig against Rico Casteel in Gary Busey. Gary Busey was indeed my cornerman at Rasslemania, but in no way do i have any idea what the hell is going through his head, so you don't have to worry about Reggie trying to set you up, Rico. If anybody can figure out Gary Busey, then they can probably count to infinity twice.
Congrats Rico, I'm happy you won your Battle Royale. Funny thing is, i won a battle royal of my own a few months ago which led to me becoming the IWC Insane Champion, the first and last man to hold the belt. Do you know the difference between those two scenarios? While my battle royal win led to me becoming champion, your battle royal win will lead to nothing but disappointment and defeat.
You seem have to have taken my respect for you as me being intimidated, but rest assured, I've been doing this for over 20 years, and you have nothing that i haven't seen. In Layman's terms: You ain't scarin' shit over here holmes. If your paranoia over Reginald trying to stack the deck against you is any indicator, the one who has the mental weakness, not me. You got designs on the World Heavyweight Championship? Join the fucking club. If i had a nickel for everyone who said they were going to kick my ass and take my belt and actually did it, I'd be living in a cardboard box and eating out of dumpsters, because it has never happened.
I'm glad you're confident, because I'm confident, and I'd hate to beat someone who already has himself beat mentally. Confidence makes for great matches, and i share your opinion in saying that our encounter will be a great one, because it will. It's gonna be one for the books, but for you, it will be for all the wrong reasons. I'm not going to lie, in our first meeting my stock plummeted mildy even in victory. People saw that i was human and the veil of invincibility i had over me was blown apart. So when i say for all the wrong reasons on your end, what I'm saying is that I'm going to defeat you soundly in the most dominant and violent fashion, making the detractors eat their words and cementing my legacy amongst the most dominant Megastars in APW's storied history.
You're right, this is a precursor of things to come, but not the way you think. The James Chambers reign of terror tour begins now, and you're the first stop. Then it goes on to the next poor soul in title contention and it doesn't stop until everyone who poses a threat to me has been shut down. You got over on me the first time, Rico. You rose to the occasion and you had me on the ropes. I admit, i took you lightly because i was focused on that douchebag Cyrus and his fuckery. But don't worry, because now you are my sole focus, and I never make the same mistake twice. When the opportunity comes, i will show you better than i can tell you.
As far as the match? I could give less than a fuck about that Horse Faced wackjob Busey, because he's not who i have in my sights. My advice to you is, if you want to get this thing started early, make the tag to Busey, Coach will tag out to me, and we can give the fans an early preview. Indeed i respect you, but respect only goes so far my friend. The truth is, i like you Rico. I wouldn't mind us having a beer or ten when it's all said and done, but for right now, you are my enemy. You want what i have, and I'm not ready to give it up yet. Sorry, but it's not your time.
THE END
