Post by kidnotorious on Apr 24, 2011 18:58:23 GMT -4
Irish Carbomb Ch 5: Sweet Zombie Jesus!
Kaycee: We really wish you could be here with us, Grace.
Grace: Aye, me too luv. I dunno why APW scheduled a show on bloomin Easter, but tha's what they did. And it's a pretty big one for meh tonight, yeh?
Kaycee: Yeah, I know. Big title match tonight!
[Grace chuckled again, hearing her friend's enthusiasm at a silly title shot when she had much bigger things to be excited about.]
Grace: Aye, biggest night o' me life, indeed. But don't ye have something more important t'be excited about right now?
Kaycee: I... eheh, well yeah, but still. A gal can't be happy for her friend's success?
Grace: Ach, 'course ye can! An' I 'preciate it. I'm jus' sayin'. Anyways, I figure wit' the lil bun in yuir oven the boys are 'elpin out more this year, yeh?
Kaycee: Oh yknow the guys, Grace. They always help out. Though, Donny IS being more... ah...
[In the background on Kaycee's end we hear the familiar voice of the Young Gun shouting at the top of his lungs.]
Brandon: THOU SHALT NOT FUCKING TOUCH THE APPLE PIE!!!!!!!
Cecil: AHHHHHHHHHH OKAY OKAY!!
[Kaycee takes her mouth away from the phone for a second to yell at her husband.]
Kaycee: Donny! If you're gonna chase Ceece around the house at least put the knife down! Also, language!
Brandon: ...SORRY BABE!
[Kaycee's voice returns to the phone as she sighs into it.]
Kaycee: Yeaaaaaaaah...
[The Irish Assassin just shakes her head with a smirk on her face.]
Grace: Never a dull moment, eh?
Kaycee: Nope!
[The Angel of the Desert is quiet for a moment before she breaks into a fit of giggles.]
Grace: Whatcha gigglin' about there lass?
Kaycee: I just... was imagining Donny as a dad. I mean, I love that man but..
Grace: Yeah, tis gonna be a right funny time it'tis. But th' boy does pr'tty good wit' ye brother's kids.
Kaycee: Oh I have no doubt he'll be an awesome dad. I just... the things he's gonna get our baby into. I can already picture it now.
[Both women start to laugh again.]
Grace: Oh bless, that IS g'nna be somet'in else!
Kaycee: It really, really is. But I wouldn't have it any other way...
Grace: As ye shouldn't, girly.
[In the background, we can hear Brandon again.]
Brandon: YOU! STEP! AWAY! FROM! THE TURKEEEEEEEY!
Kaycee: ...
Grace: ...
Kaycee: And with that, I think I'd better go.
Grace: Aye. Don't 'ave too much fun wit'out me.
Kaycee: I think it's a little late for that. DONNY! Put the turkey baster down! Yeah, I gotta go. Good luck on the title match!
Grace: Thanks luv. Ciao!
Kaycee: Later. Donny! I said put it down!
[And with that, the call ends. Grace just shakes her head before taking another bite off of her bagel and another sip of coffee.]
Grace: Those two 'avin' a wee one... THAT'S g'nna be an interestin' time. Speakin' o' interestin times... Madok! Tis' almost time me boy. Are ye ready to relinquish that which does nae belong to ye, to someone much more in tune wit th' Title? I know I am!
Grace: I see ye reacted to me words much like I expected ye to. Nuthin' beats makin yuirself look like an ass t'get th' last word eh? 'Cept ye didn't count on me actually carin' enough to bother watchin' yuir lil' mockery of a promotional, dear boy.
But aye, I sure 'ave learned me lesson oh great and powerful Madok. I will nae mess with a "billionaire" again.
...One moment.
[Grace opens up her cell phone and dials a number.]
Adrian Tanner Jr: Jello?
Grace: Aidsy! 'ow much money'd ye make last year?
Adrian Tanner Jr: Uh, shit, I don't even remember anymore. Stocks and bonds alone I musta made a couple hundred mill. Why?
Grace: Oh, no reason. Ta.
[Grace grins again as she hangs up the phone.]
Grace: Are ye f'r real right now, boyo? Callin me a 'farmin instrument' is th' bloody best ye got? I mean aside from that abomination of ye trying to make fun o'me and Aidsy's walk thru the fair. YE ARE SUPPOSED TO 'AVIN A BLOODY CHILD, YE DUNCE!
I seriously fear f'r th' well bein o' that child, Madok, because not only are ye bleedin delusional, ye are also clearly not very bright. So far, instead a' I dunnae, focusin' on me WRESTLIN or me lack of title matches in th' past, ye 'ave spent an hour and a half mocking th' way I speak and t'rowin lame, basic insults me way. WHY OH WHY would anyone not want ye to be a Champion, Madok? I bloody wonder.
[She stares at the camera with an annoyed look.]
Grace: Ye 'ave indeed uncovered me greatest weakness, Madok. I cannae speak bloody "proper" english. Maybe tha's because... Oh I dunno, I'M A BLEEDIN FOREIGNOR FROM IRELAND YOU BLOODY PISSANT! But see th' point ye seem to be missin quite easily is that it doesn't MATTER 'ow I talk, ye bloody maroon!
Th' only t'ing that matters is what I'm g'nna do to ye in that ring. Ye got bloody balls callin me mentally handicapped when it seems ta' me like readin' off a bloody script is even t'hard f'r ye to do correctly. Ye can't even comprehend a bio some peon at Adrian's lil' Organization made up f'r me, ye can't see what's right in bloody front of ye and ye can't seem to find any sort o' fault with me other than "I be Irish and I drink alot."
Ye are the absolute worst kind'a guy in this business Madok and it's g'nna be great fun makin ye tap like the little bitch ye are to me Saving Grace. Ye are not smart. Ye are not clever. Ye are a bloody buffoon who's snuck by on disqualifications and not any single ounce o' TALENT whatso-bleedin-ever. I'm 'onestly surprised ye c'n bloody wipe yuirself with the amount of rubbish that came outta yuir mouth just now.
This match ain't g'nna be some easy vict'ry f'r ye, Madok. It's g'nna be a bloomin execution, the only flaw in me style is that I let people like YOU get t'me like this. But that's alright wit' me, Madok. It really is, because I'm g'nna use that anger, fuel me rage and use ev'ry tiny bit of vitrol I've got burnin f'r ye and I'm going to WRECK ye! I'm g'nna tear ye limb from limb and make ye never wish ye even UTTERED me name when I'm done wit' ye.
Hell's comin f'r ye, Madok. And her name is GRACE.
[Fade.]
Kaycee: We really wish you could be here with us, Grace.
Grace: Aye, me too luv. I dunno why APW scheduled a show on bloomin Easter, but tha's what they did. And it's a pretty big one for meh tonight, yeh?
Kaycee: Yeah, I know. Big title match tonight!
[Grace chuckled again, hearing her friend's enthusiasm at a silly title shot when she had much bigger things to be excited about.]
Grace: Aye, biggest night o' me life, indeed. But don't ye have something more important t'be excited about right now?
Kaycee: I... eheh, well yeah, but still. A gal can't be happy for her friend's success?
Grace: Ach, 'course ye can! An' I 'preciate it. I'm jus' sayin'. Anyways, I figure wit' the lil bun in yuir oven the boys are 'elpin out more this year, yeh?
Kaycee: Oh yknow the guys, Grace. They always help out. Though, Donny IS being more... ah...
[In the background on Kaycee's end we hear the familiar voice of the Young Gun shouting at the top of his lungs.]
Brandon: THOU SHALT NOT FUCKING TOUCH THE APPLE PIE!!!!!!!
Cecil: AHHHHHHHHHH OKAY OKAY!!
[Kaycee takes her mouth away from the phone for a second to yell at her husband.]
Kaycee: Donny! If you're gonna chase Ceece around the house at least put the knife down! Also, language!
Brandon: ...SORRY BABE!
[Kaycee's voice returns to the phone as she sighs into it.]
Kaycee: Yeaaaaaaaah...
[The Irish Assassin just shakes her head with a smirk on her face.]
Grace: Never a dull moment, eh?
Kaycee: Nope!
[The Angel of the Desert is quiet for a moment before she breaks into a fit of giggles.]
Grace: Whatcha gigglin' about there lass?
Kaycee: I just... was imagining Donny as a dad. I mean, I love that man but..
Grace: Yeah, tis gonna be a right funny time it'tis. But th' boy does pr'tty good wit' ye brother's kids.
Kaycee: Oh I have no doubt he'll be an awesome dad. I just... the things he's gonna get our baby into. I can already picture it now.
[Both women start to laugh again.]
Grace: Oh bless, that IS g'nna be somet'in else!
Kaycee: It really, really is. But I wouldn't have it any other way...
Grace: As ye shouldn't, girly.
[In the background, we can hear Brandon again.]
Brandon: YOU! STEP! AWAY! FROM! THE TURKEEEEEEEY!
Kaycee: ...
Grace: ...
Kaycee: And with that, I think I'd better go.
Grace: Aye. Don't 'ave too much fun wit'out me.
Kaycee: I think it's a little late for that. DONNY! Put the turkey baster down! Yeah, I gotta go. Good luck on the title match!
Grace: Thanks luv. Ciao!
Kaycee: Later. Donny! I said put it down!
[And with that, the call ends. Grace just shakes her head before taking another bite off of her bagel and another sip of coffee.]
Grace: Those two 'avin' a wee one... THAT'S g'nna be an interestin' time. Speakin' o' interestin times... Madok! Tis' almost time me boy. Are ye ready to relinquish that which does nae belong to ye, to someone much more in tune wit th' Title? I know I am!
Grace: I see ye reacted to me words much like I expected ye to. Nuthin' beats makin yuirself look like an ass t'get th' last word eh? 'Cept ye didn't count on me actually carin' enough to bother watchin' yuir lil' mockery of a promotional, dear boy.
But aye, I sure 'ave learned me lesson oh great and powerful Madok. I will nae mess with a "billionaire" again.
...One moment.
[Grace opens up her cell phone and dials a number.]
Adrian Tanner Jr: Jello?
Grace: Aidsy! 'ow much money'd ye make last year?
Adrian Tanner Jr: Uh, shit, I don't even remember anymore. Stocks and bonds alone I musta made a couple hundred mill. Why?
Grace: Oh, no reason. Ta.
[Grace grins again as she hangs up the phone.]
Grace: Are ye f'r real right now, boyo? Callin me a 'farmin instrument' is th' bloody best ye got? I mean aside from that abomination of ye trying to make fun o'me and Aidsy's walk thru the fair. YE ARE SUPPOSED TO 'AVIN A BLOODY CHILD, YE DUNCE!
I seriously fear f'r th' well bein o' that child, Madok, because not only are ye bleedin delusional, ye are also clearly not very bright. So far, instead a' I dunnae, focusin' on me WRESTLIN or me lack of title matches in th' past, ye 'ave spent an hour and a half mocking th' way I speak and t'rowin lame, basic insults me way. WHY OH WHY would anyone not want ye to be a Champion, Madok? I bloody wonder.
[She stares at the camera with an annoyed look.]
Grace: Ye 'ave indeed uncovered me greatest weakness, Madok. I cannae speak bloody "proper" english. Maybe tha's because... Oh I dunno, I'M A BLEEDIN FOREIGNOR FROM IRELAND YOU BLOODY PISSANT! But see th' point ye seem to be missin quite easily is that it doesn't MATTER 'ow I talk, ye bloody maroon!
Th' only t'ing that matters is what I'm g'nna do to ye in that ring. Ye got bloody balls callin me mentally handicapped when it seems ta' me like readin' off a bloody script is even t'hard f'r ye to do correctly. Ye can't even comprehend a bio some peon at Adrian's lil' Organization made up f'r me, ye can't see what's right in bloody front of ye and ye can't seem to find any sort o' fault with me other than "I be Irish and I drink alot."
Ye are the absolute worst kind'a guy in this business Madok and it's g'nna be great fun makin ye tap like the little bitch ye are to me Saving Grace. Ye are not smart. Ye are not clever. Ye are a bloody buffoon who's snuck by on disqualifications and not any single ounce o' TALENT whatso-bleedin-ever. I'm 'onestly surprised ye c'n bloody wipe yuirself with the amount of rubbish that came outta yuir mouth just now.
This match ain't g'nna be some easy vict'ry f'r ye, Madok. It's g'nna be a bloomin execution, the only flaw in me style is that I let people like YOU get t'me like this. But that's alright wit' me, Madok. It really is, because I'm g'nna use that anger, fuel me rage and use ev'ry tiny bit of vitrol I've got burnin f'r ye and I'm going to WRECK ye! I'm g'nna tear ye limb from limb and make ye never wish ye even UTTERED me name when I'm done wit' ye.
Hell's comin f'r ye, Madok. And her name is GRACE.
[Fade.]
