Post by BDC on Jul 17, 2011 9:36:54 GMT -4
You know, ever since I returned for the 8 billionth and ninety fourth time, all I ever seem to hear is people spout on about how old I am, and about the fact that I should just retire and die. Well folks, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, fuck you! Keep your talent less noses out of my business, and stop talking about shit that doesn’t concern you. Yes, I’m getting on a bit, and no, I’m not as fit, or strong as I used to be, but does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? Take this promo for instance. Do you see any bright stage lights, or impressive pyrotechnics? What about theme music? Nope, don’t need it. Hell, I don’t even need a microphone to say what needs to be said. You see, with age comes experience. I’ve been shooting shit and running my mouth for as long as I can remember, so let me show you all how we used to do it back in the day.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, some dude kissed his sister, and then bummed a midget bear. Oh wait, that was Star Wars. What I meant to say is, what we used to do was simple. We’d turn up to work, throw on our gear, go to the ring, and wrestle. It really was that simple. These days, you’ve got punk ass rookies demanding all kinds of treats in their changing rooms, thinking that it’s them calling the shots. It’s quite pathetic really, but hey, that’s how the business has evolved, so I guess us old timers can either bitch and moan about it, or, we can evolve, roll with the punches, and embrace the new ways. Me, I chose the second option. You see folks, yes it was easy back in the day, but damn it was boring. It was just headlocks, body slams, clotheslines, sleeper holds, and if you were lucky, the odd piledriver or suplex. Wow, riveting stuff ey? It was almost as depressing as listening to a Jesse Nunez promo. These days, I can do what I want, when I want, and I get to REALLY hurt people in the process. I get to drive around in flashy sports cars, play my Playstation 3, and in the ring, we’re encouraged to try new things, and to beat the living piss out of each other. Good times, good times indeed!
See folks, there isn’t any point banging on about my age when you shoot a promo against me, there really isn’t. All you’re doing is wasting your time, boring the shit out of everyone, and making yourself look like a fucking dribbly bum retard. And yes, I’m talking directly to you Nathaniel Havok – well, this time anyway. Everyone bangs on about my age, but I’ve decided to give you the “retard of the week” award this time, you lucky dog you!
Havok, you have the mental capacity of a dog that’s had half of it’s brain removed due to a nasty car accident, and the fact that you are allowed to go about your day to day activities without the aid of a carer fucking baffles me. Kid, you bang on about Rico and me being a team, but, as far as I remember, I’ve never even met the fuckwit, so how in the name of Hurricane Jeff’s third testicle can you even hint at that? I hate Casteel, he has something I want, so he has to be taken out, but I’ll get to him later. Rico and I, we’re not a team, and we never will be. We’ve simply been put into a situation we have no control over, and we have to roll with punches if we want to get what we’re after. For me, it’s the World Heavyweight championship, and it’s as simple as that, and I will fight anyone, anytime, and any place for my shot. Unfortunately for you and Sally, that means that you get your ass kicked, and I get to end up one step closer to my title shot.
And what’s with this shit about me riding Casteels coat tails? What the fuck is a coattail anyway? Who the hell talks like that? Shut the fuck up, you puss filled cock magnet! The only thing I’ve been riding is your sister, mother and even your grandmother, and I banged the three of them at the same time in a Jacuzzi filled to the brim with my spunk that dribbled from their overfilled orifices. Grow the fuck up, and go read a book or something kid. My god, you are so mind blowingly stupid that I’m amazed you even manage to turn up at events, let alone having the capacity to wrestle. I’m fucking bored of you now, so I’m going to move on to someone else. Do me a favour kid, next time, do some research, get in a team of experts, learn to tie your shoelaces, and most of all, do us all a favour, and fuck off and die, you fucking despicable Neanderthal.
Sally “Bitch Tits” Talfourd, come on down!
Wow, you’re like, all famous or something, and I should be like, scared and stuff! Well Sally, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re about as scary as a meerkat with fleas, so please excuse me if I don’t shit myself with woe.
So, you couldn’t handle it on Overdrive, so you thought you’d come and try your luck here on the Asylum. Erm, not your best decision ever is it love? Sure, it was a good idea before I signed to the show, but now, well I suppose you’ve always enjoyed being the second best over on Overdrive, so I suppose it’s business as usual here in the Asylum, because you’ll always be in my shadow, and will always be disappointed when I beat you over, and over, and over again.
You see Sally, you have potential, and I’ll give you that. You have all of the skills and tools necessary to be the best in the world, but potential only counts for so much. Now, when you had the love and support of the fans, that’s when you were at your best. You had the cheers from the masses to keep you going when the chips were down, but now, everyone hates you, and you can’t cope with it. You pretend you can, but, that’s your pride talking. If you let your common sense take over again, you’d embrace the fact that you just don’t have it in you to dance with us real devils, so do yourself a favour, and cut the bullshit already. You’ve tried it; it’s failed, so move on.
And now, to top off what must be the shittiest of all shit years, you’ve ended up with Havok as a tag team partner! Wow, I kind of feel sorry for you, but that would mean I had feelings and stuff, but nah, I don’t do that. Well Sally, if I was you, I’d go on an all night bender, see how many dildoes you can fit in your muff channel (without lube first of course), caress a camel, deep throat a midget, and suck off a smurf, and then end it all by watching “The Jesse Nunez Story” DVD. If that doesn’t make you want to drown in a pool of your own vomit then I don’t know what will. Or, turn up for our match at the Asylum, and I’ll end it all for you. Whatever works best for you my lovely.
You know what, I’m actually really enjoying myself shooting this promo. I haven’t really let loose like this for a while. I must do it more. Anyway, I digress.
Right, little miss snooty pants, let’s crack on shall we? Tell me, what’s with this superiority complex then? You turn your nose up at everything everyone else does, and you don’t seem to have the time of day for anything that’s not Sally related. Erm, what crawled up your cunt and made you queen of the world? Sally, you may be a little clever and stuff, but drop the attitude, because it annoys the living piss out of me, and makes me want to shave my eyeballs. I am superior to you in every way, shape and form, and you need to learn your place in life. When you see me, you should ask if I want a sandwich, and you should run along and make it. Maybe I need my ball sack itched; again, you should offer to scratch it. Who know, maybe you are slightly superior to most other mortals, but baby, you haven’t got shit on me, because I’m the fucking man, and you will learn to respect that. Kind of getting sick of talking to your dead eyed bog troll face, so go snort a used tampon or something, you over rated soggy piss flap.
You see Sally; I remember what happened when we had that alliance back in the day. I remember getting my fucking ass handed to me by a bunch of goons, and I remember thinking, “why the hell am I letting this happen”. I ended up with a torn shoulder, and a few cracked ribs for my effort, and I just thought, fuck it. I made a rare error in judgment back then, and I guarantee you that it won’t happen again. I’ve only ever trusted a handful of people in my entire life, and you girl, well you aren’t one of them. Payback is going to be a bitch, you can bet your fancy little panties on that. I wasn’t with it back then, I didn’t quite have my edge back, but now baby, well I’m back and badder than ever. You want to claim that you beat BDC, well; you beat me when I was still finding my way. Wanna try it again? I do hope we get to lock horns again, because this time, I’m going to ram my fist into your love tunnel, and work you like the fucking puppet master that I am. I’m going to make you sing, and dance, and bleed like the whore we all know you are. You see Sally, I’m going to make everything that you’ve ever achieved here in the APW seem like a dainty mouse fart. My legacy is going to be likened to the Angel of death heabutting a scabby, zombified woolly mammoth with rabies, and by the time I’m finished, people will simply ask; “Sally who?”
Rico Casteel, my message for you is short and sweet. You fuck me over in any way, shape or form during our match, I’m going to pay you back ten fold. The title you carry around is already mine; you’re just keeping it nice and clean for me. Enjoy being champion, and I truly mean that. You earned your shot, and you won. You won’t hear any arguments from me in that department. What you will hear though, is the sound of a load of clicks and beeps, (most probably from Sally and her fucking annoying Happy Ending shit - seriously, who even uses internet explorer anymore?) and the sound of a shitload of sweaty, hairy male nurses wash you your genitals, and possibly play with your anus a little just for shits and giggles. You’ll also hear your own screams when they forcefully put your kneecaps back into place, but hey ho, it’s all in a days work right?
Right children, I think I’ve said what needs to be said, and hit the cunt on the cunt, so I’m gonna fuck off now and rub one out to “Sally Talfourd: How I managed to fit so many un-lubed dildoes in my special place” DVD.
See you soon.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, some dude kissed his sister, and then bummed a midget bear. Oh wait, that was Star Wars. What I meant to say is, what we used to do was simple. We’d turn up to work, throw on our gear, go to the ring, and wrestle. It really was that simple. These days, you’ve got punk ass rookies demanding all kinds of treats in their changing rooms, thinking that it’s them calling the shots. It’s quite pathetic really, but hey, that’s how the business has evolved, so I guess us old timers can either bitch and moan about it, or, we can evolve, roll with the punches, and embrace the new ways. Me, I chose the second option. You see folks, yes it was easy back in the day, but damn it was boring. It was just headlocks, body slams, clotheslines, sleeper holds, and if you were lucky, the odd piledriver or suplex. Wow, riveting stuff ey? It was almost as depressing as listening to a Jesse Nunez promo. These days, I can do what I want, when I want, and I get to REALLY hurt people in the process. I get to drive around in flashy sports cars, play my Playstation 3, and in the ring, we’re encouraged to try new things, and to beat the living piss out of each other. Good times, good times indeed!
See folks, there isn’t any point banging on about my age when you shoot a promo against me, there really isn’t. All you’re doing is wasting your time, boring the shit out of everyone, and making yourself look like a fucking dribbly bum retard. And yes, I’m talking directly to you Nathaniel Havok – well, this time anyway. Everyone bangs on about my age, but I’ve decided to give you the “retard of the week” award this time, you lucky dog you!
Havok, you have the mental capacity of a dog that’s had half of it’s brain removed due to a nasty car accident, and the fact that you are allowed to go about your day to day activities without the aid of a carer fucking baffles me. Kid, you bang on about Rico and me being a team, but, as far as I remember, I’ve never even met the fuckwit, so how in the name of Hurricane Jeff’s third testicle can you even hint at that? I hate Casteel, he has something I want, so he has to be taken out, but I’ll get to him later. Rico and I, we’re not a team, and we never will be. We’ve simply been put into a situation we have no control over, and we have to roll with punches if we want to get what we’re after. For me, it’s the World Heavyweight championship, and it’s as simple as that, and I will fight anyone, anytime, and any place for my shot. Unfortunately for you and Sally, that means that you get your ass kicked, and I get to end up one step closer to my title shot.
And what’s with this shit about me riding Casteels coat tails? What the fuck is a coattail anyway? Who the hell talks like that? Shut the fuck up, you puss filled cock magnet! The only thing I’ve been riding is your sister, mother and even your grandmother, and I banged the three of them at the same time in a Jacuzzi filled to the brim with my spunk that dribbled from their overfilled orifices. Grow the fuck up, and go read a book or something kid. My god, you are so mind blowingly stupid that I’m amazed you even manage to turn up at events, let alone having the capacity to wrestle. I’m fucking bored of you now, so I’m going to move on to someone else. Do me a favour kid, next time, do some research, get in a team of experts, learn to tie your shoelaces, and most of all, do us all a favour, and fuck off and die, you fucking despicable Neanderthal.
Sally “Bitch Tits” Talfourd, come on down!
Wow, you’re like, all famous or something, and I should be like, scared and stuff! Well Sally, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re about as scary as a meerkat with fleas, so please excuse me if I don’t shit myself with woe.
So, you couldn’t handle it on Overdrive, so you thought you’d come and try your luck here on the Asylum. Erm, not your best decision ever is it love? Sure, it was a good idea before I signed to the show, but now, well I suppose you’ve always enjoyed being the second best over on Overdrive, so I suppose it’s business as usual here in the Asylum, because you’ll always be in my shadow, and will always be disappointed when I beat you over, and over, and over again.
You see Sally, you have potential, and I’ll give you that. You have all of the skills and tools necessary to be the best in the world, but potential only counts for so much. Now, when you had the love and support of the fans, that’s when you were at your best. You had the cheers from the masses to keep you going when the chips were down, but now, everyone hates you, and you can’t cope with it. You pretend you can, but, that’s your pride talking. If you let your common sense take over again, you’d embrace the fact that you just don’t have it in you to dance with us real devils, so do yourself a favour, and cut the bullshit already. You’ve tried it; it’s failed, so move on.
And now, to top off what must be the shittiest of all shit years, you’ve ended up with Havok as a tag team partner! Wow, I kind of feel sorry for you, but that would mean I had feelings and stuff, but nah, I don’t do that. Well Sally, if I was you, I’d go on an all night bender, see how many dildoes you can fit in your muff channel (without lube first of course), caress a camel, deep throat a midget, and suck off a smurf, and then end it all by watching “The Jesse Nunez Story” DVD. If that doesn’t make you want to drown in a pool of your own vomit then I don’t know what will. Or, turn up for our match at the Asylum, and I’ll end it all for you. Whatever works best for you my lovely.
You know what, I’m actually really enjoying myself shooting this promo. I haven’t really let loose like this for a while. I must do it more. Anyway, I digress.
Right, little miss snooty pants, let’s crack on shall we? Tell me, what’s with this superiority complex then? You turn your nose up at everything everyone else does, and you don’t seem to have the time of day for anything that’s not Sally related. Erm, what crawled up your cunt and made you queen of the world? Sally, you may be a little clever and stuff, but drop the attitude, because it annoys the living piss out of me, and makes me want to shave my eyeballs. I am superior to you in every way, shape and form, and you need to learn your place in life. When you see me, you should ask if I want a sandwich, and you should run along and make it. Maybe I need my ball sack itched; again, you should offer to scratch it. Who know, maybe you are slightly superior to most other mortals, but baby, you haven’t got shit on me, because I’m the fucking man, and you will learn to respect that. Kind of getting sick of talking to your dead eyed bog troll face, so go snort a used tampon or something, you over rated soggy piss flap.
You see Sally; I remember what happened when we had that alliance back in the day. I remember getting my fucking ass handed to me by a bunch of goons, and I remember thinking, “why the hell am I letting this happen”. I ended up with a torn shoulder, and a few cracked ribs for my effort, and I just thought, fuck it. I made a rare error in judgment back then, and I guarantee you that it won’t happen again. I’ve only ever trusted a handful of people in my entire life, and you girl, well you aren’t one of them. Payback is going to be a bitch, you can bet your fancy little panties on that. I wasn’t with it back then, I didn’t quite have my edge back, but now baby, well I’m back and badder than ever. You want to claim that you beat BDC, well; you beat me when I was still finding my way. Wanna try it again? I do hope we get to lock horns again, because this time, I’m going to ram my fist into your love tunnel, and work you like the fucking puppet master that I am. I’m going to make you sing, and dance, and bleed like the whore we all know you are. You see Sally, I’m going to make everything that you’ve ever achieved here in the APW seem like a dainty mouse fart. My legacy is going to be likened to the Angel of death heabutting a scabby, zombified woolly mammoth with rabies, and by the time I’m finished, people will simply ask; “Sally who?”
Rico Casteel, my message for you is short and sweet. You fuck me over in any way, shape or form during our match, I’m going to pay you back ten fold. The title you carry around is already mine; you’re just keeping it nice and clean for me. Enjoy being champion, and I truly mean that. You earned your shot, and you won. You won’t hear any arguments from me in that department. What you will hear though, is the sound of a load of clicks and beeps, (most probably from Sally and her fucking annoying Happy Ending shit - seriously, who even uses internet explorer anymore?) and the sound of a shitload of sweaty, hairy male nurses wash you your genitals, and possibly play with your anus a little just for shits and giggles. You’ll also hear your own screams when they forcefully put your kneecaps back into place, but hey ho, it’s all in a days work right?
Right children, I think I’ve said what needs to be said, and hit the cunt on the cunt, so I’m gonna fuck off now and rub one out to “Sally Talfourd: How I managed to fit so many un-lubed dildoes in my special place” DVD.
See you soon.
