Post by Hopper Rose™ on Aug 7, 2011 0:23:14 GMT -4
O.O.C
For anyone who has seen woman who plays Calypso in the movie Pirates of the Carribean. She has the black teeth and yeah...she's still pretty hot. That is Dashiki's accent, for anyone who is having a hard time reading. Easier now?
(We Fade Into Existance. A quite unexpected manner. We find ourselves out in the woods. It is dark, the night has fallen upon us. But as we walk behind a man with broad shoulders, we come to a place that appears to be lively. After passing more trees and bushes we see a number of tents and trailers. As we look around, we see a wide variety of people laughing and dancing around a campfire - gypsies, tramps, even some old-fashioned freaks, like a giant of a man, a man looking like a hunchback and a woman carrying a snake around her shoulders.)
(As the camera pans around, we see The King of Hardcore himself, Hopper Rose observing this scene with suspicion. APW's brightest star is wearing a black "MOST HATED" t-shirt with vintage blue jeans. Hopper keeps on walking, past a man who only has one arm, past an obscenely obese woman and past a boy who is covered with hair from head to toe. He reaches an old-fashioned trailer with a sign that says "Psychic readings, $250 per session". Hopper looks at the sign, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of money and then looks back at the sign, before finally walking into the trailer.)
(Fade out.)
(We fade back in and mysterious music is playing. The avid wrestling fan in us can't help but think someone stole Papa Shango's music online. The camera pans around the darkened trailer. We see wooden walls... lots of candles are illuminating the otherwise dark trailer... we see shrunken heads, skulls and voodoo dolls in every corner. We finally see a large African-American woman, wearing a sort of golden turban, lots of gold chains, and a ridiculous black dress with purple flowers. She is counting money. The camera goes to a wide shot and we see Hopper sitting opposite of her, a table with a deck of cards and a crystal ball on it separating the two.)
Hopper: Okay, I've heard all the stories about you - Dashiki Wanagelayed is the person I have to talk to, the person that can see past, present and future, the woman who knows everything about everyone. They have told me for 250 bucks, you can tell me what I need to know. And let's face it, I'm at a total loss. Things are on the up and up for me and Tyler in Most Hated. I've kicked Mike Morrison's ass more times than I can count, and now I'm thrown into a Survival match with a man who is but a shadow of his former self against a tag team on the rise and a man I know nothing about.
Dashiki: Put yer hand on da creestal ball.
(Hopper does and the music suddenly becomes louder. Smoke billows from under the table. Dashiki suddenly puts her fingers to her head, tilts her head back and rolls her eye into the back of her head, and begins to speak in some kind of gibberish.)
Dashiki: Ocka! Walukilukiduki. Ammadu wellwu wulle wuh mahoomba watoombaaaaaa... Alltimit destrucity. Sabu tatanka. Mucka high ding ding.
Hopper: Dashiki, what do you see?
(Dashiki now looks at Hopper, or so we think. She appears to be in a trance, her eyes still rolled back, her white eyeballs staring at Hopper.)
Dashiki: I see a reediculous scene. I see a place filled wit reediculously-looking men wit reediculous names dat are sposed ta be funny, but at best belong in a Steeeven Seagaaal movie.
(Hopper seems to be excited.)
Hopper: You're good at this, Huh? That must be J.D. Storm meeting with his Gambling buddy Bobby Bodacious and a man named Rico Casteel.
Dashiki: Yes! YES! I can hear peeple chaanting... "RICO! RICO!" witout reason.
Hopper: What's happening?
Dashiki: Nuting. Absolutely nuting. Dere just staandin dere...
Hopper: Do they say anything about me?
Dashiki: Dey says one ting. Dey goin to take Hopper out.
(Hopper chuckles.)
Hopper: That's not going to happen.
Dashiki: And dey truuly knows it. I can see it. Dey does very little durin dere time dere. Dey seem ta just sit dere and tink.
Hopper: Is that thing going to air on television?
Dashiki: Yes, yes, I can cleerly feel it goin over da airwaves far everyone ta see!
Hopper: What? They're just sitting there, wasting precious airtime in silence?
(Dashiki suddenly lets out a loud shrieking noise.)
Dashiki: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS......
(She tilts her head back once again and rolls it around a few times before "looking" at Hopper again.)
Hopper: Dashiki? Tell me. Can you tell me what they are thinking about me and our match on Asylum on the 14th?
Dashiki: No. Do ya know a Branden Harvey?
Hopper: Yes, yes, sadly I do.
Dashiki: I tink... I tink dey tinks yer as consistant as dat Branden Harvey.
Hopper: What, are they serious? Starting off undefeated isn't inconsistent!
Dashiki: Dey tink that you aren't good enough to be in da same ring as dem! Dey tink dat you are a overnight tunder storm, makin lots of noise, but never lasting trou da night!
(Hopper laughs.)
Hopper: Me? Not talenten enough to last with the big boys? You gotta be fucking kiddin me? Oh god, when Mike Morrison tried to make the case that I was going to be beaten within inches of my life. What happened? He thought I cared more about the weather when it was so obvious I didn't care about the match and welcomed the chance to get beaten into traction. Of course, the oh-so-different and BEATABLE team of Mikey Morrison and Yoko Misawa DIDN'T win that match, the underrated Tyler Vaughn and the absolutly true, new superstar of APW Hopper Fuckin Rose did. MOST HATED...Did...But yeah, Mikey REALLY proved that The Hardcore King, Hopper Rose would crumble right in front of your very own eyes. Maybe Morrison IS more consistent than I am. I mean, he's consistently losing to me. He has consistently in back to back weaks got both his, and Misawa ass beaten by me and MY PARTNER. Now this week is going to be a little different. Me. B. Tyler Vaughn. Casteel. Gambler. Bobby B. Wild. Wild to say the least. It's not like I haven't been down roads like this before...
(Dashiki doesn't really seem to listen to Hopper.)
Dashiki: I see Diana Ross...
Hopper: Un Huh...
Dashiki: I see a woman atta wreestling show. She is bein wheeled down in a wheelchair and she keeps yellin "Excuse me! Excuse me!"
Hopper: Hmm, what's the significance?
Dashiki: It's da uneeveersal symbol fer excuses.
Hopper: Hmm, interesting... go on.
Dashiki: Dat could be it. I see fame. A claim to fame. Hopper's claim to fame. Hopper's claim to fame is kickin someone in da balls laast week.
Hopper: You have got to be kidding me? One of them is thinkin that? That's a pretty stupid thing to be think, it's so stupid, I can't believe they would actually be thinkin that!
(Dashiki suddenly just looks at Hopper and in a normal voice says...)
Dashiki: That's what the crystal ball says, dude, take it or leave it.
(As Hopper looks a bit surprised, Dashiki goes back into her trance.)
Hopper: If one of the Gamblers or Casteel really thinks that they're making two fatal mistakes at once - actually underestimating The Legendary Hardcoreness and reslilliancy of Hopper Rose and discrediting who I am.
Dashiki: I see movies. Baad, baad movies. I see Ben Affleck.
Hopper: Oh yeah, that's the kind of actor where they get their best friggin comedy material from.
Dashiki: I see more. Not a lot more, but more. I see Hopper lookin paast everythin else ta get ta where he wants ta go. Doon't ya ferget dat dere's no shartcuts to glory or gold.
Hopper: Oh man... you must have watched EWC television for years and just collected all the worst, most played out and clichéd things people said, right? If I WERE already looking past everything and looking ahead to gold and glory, why would I even bother taking on a partner? It's very simple - MOST HATED will be in the main event of a pay per view soon. To do so, to make said event the highest profile event it can be, which is only a criterium for Hopper Rose, I need to be an APW Contender, and in order to be that, I am going to have to beat Rico Casteel myself at the final Asylum before Shockwave. I'm going to beat them all myself if I have to. PERIOD.
Dashiki: I see deesmay. Hopper's deesmay.
(Hopper simply chuckles, showing just how dismayed he is.)
Dashiki: Arruja! Merde! Oompa loompa!
Hopper: Oompa Loompa? Seriously? What now?
Dashiki: I see change! Change we can believe in! I see many ch-ch-ch-changes!
Hopper: That can't be The Gambler losing his gold, can it?
Dashiki: No, it's Barack Obama listening to David Bowie.
Hopper: Right, because The Gambler likes to bet? David Bowie? I can't hear it. President Jeff destroying everything a title such as the Suicidal Championship stands for by giving it to a friggin gimp like The Gambler, who obviously knows a lot about russian roulette, but knows nuthing about what it takes to be labeled as 'Suicidal'. May as fuckin well call it the goddamn 'Spermicidal Title' as long as it's in Gambler's hands, huh. Not caring about class and honor anymore Jeff? The fact is I established in the past that a professional wrestler is no hero. Hopper Rose never was a hero to anybody, and making your money by beating people up or promising to beat them up was never that honorable to begin with. People say different things, but they don't really act the part, they don't sound convicing to me at all. If you strip anyone of their self-righteous belief that they are a better human being, than what do you have left?
(Once again, Dashiki doesn't really seem to listen to Hopper and rolls her eyes.)
Dashiki: I see a warlord. I see a warrior. I see leviathan. I see The Sex Pistols.
Hopper: Fuck. That's Odd. Gambler, Bodacious or Casteel probably also think I am willing and able of "stooping" to any level I would "stoop" to, but the reality is, I couldn't. No one could. Many have tried. A few have come close. One or two from the past come to mind. But the fact is that I, APW's Finest will always find a way to be the better bad guy than any of them. I'm better AND badder than anybody else in the history this goddamn business.
Dashiki: I see lame phrases.
Hopper: What is it?
Dashiki: Someone smoking someone else at da faar twenty.
Hopper: Huh?
(Dashiki takes off her turban to reveal beautiful blonde hair and uses it to wipe the crystal ball clean. She then puts the turban back on her head.)
Dashiki: Sarry. I tink it twas much lamer den dat.
Hopper: Oh yeah? What else do you see?
Dashiki: I see nuting else.
Hopper: What? I mean, I know Casteel and the gang aren't simpletons, but that can't be it? A few old clichés and ridiculous claims? That's it?
(Dashiki gets out of her trance and suddenly rather looks like a woman you'd see on Maury, pointing her finger at Hopper.)
Dashiki: Yo, ain't my fault. I'm not a mind reader ya know!
(Hopper gets up and walks towards the door.)
Hopper: Yeah, I know. I just thought for 250 bucks you'd offer me something at least, but I know it isn't your fault that Rico Casteel, Bobby B and The Gambler will have to pay an ultimate price. But I have to run anyway, my plane to Nashville is leaving soon.
(Dashiki doesn't respond. Instead, she goes back into her trance.)
Dashiki: Alacka lacka. Fookeyuuuuu.
(As the Papa Shango music is getting louder, Hopper takes a final look at Dashiki, turns around and leaves her trailer.)
(Fade To Static.)
For anyone who has seen woman who plays Calypso in the movie Pirates of the Carribean. She has the black teeth and yeah...she's still pretty hot. That is Dashiki's accent, for anyone who is having a hard time reading. Easier now?
(We Fade Into Existance. A quite unexpected manner. We find ourselves out in the woods. It is dark, the night has fallen upon us. But as we walk behind a man with broad shoulders, we come to a place that appears to be lively. After passing more trees and bushes we see a number of tents and trailers. As we look around, we see a wide variety of people laughing and dancing around a campfire - gypsies, tramps, even some old-fashioned freaks, like a giant of a man, a man looking like a hunchback and a woman carrying a snake around her shoulders.)
(As the camera pans around, we see The King of Hardcore himself, Hopper Rose observing this scene with suspicion. APW's brightest star is wearing a black "MOST HATED" t-shirt with vintage blue jeans. Hopper keeps on walking, past a man who only has one arm, past an obscenely obese woman and past a boy who is covered with hair from head to toe. He reaches an old-fashioned trailer with a sign that says "Psychic readings, $250 per session". Hopper looks at the sign, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a wad of money and then looks back at the sign, before finally walking into the trailer.)
(Fade out.)
(We fade back in and mysterious music is playing. The avid wrestling fan in us can't help but think someone stole Papa Shango's music online. The camera pans around the darkened trailer. We see wooden walls... lots of candles are illuminating the otherwise dark trailer... we see shrunken heads, skulls and voodoo dolls in every corner. We finally see a large African-American woman, wearing a sort of golden turban, lots of gold chains, and a ridiculous black dress with purple flowers. She is counting money. The camera goes to a wide shot and we see Hopper sitting opposite of her, a table with a deck of cards and a crystal ball on it separating the two.)
Hopper: Okay, I've heard all the stories about you - Dashiki Wanagelayed is the person I have to talk to, the person that can see past, present and future, the woman who knows everything about everyone. They have told me for 250 bucks, you can tell me what I need to know. And let's face it, I'm at a total loss. Things are on the up and up for me and Tyler in Most Hated. I've kicked Mike Morrison's ass more times than I can count, and now I'm thrown into a Survival match with a man who is but a shadow of his former self against a tag team on the rise and a man I know nothing about.
Dashiki: Put yer hand on da creestal ball.
(Hopper does and the music suddenly becomes louder. Smoke billows from under the table. Dashiki suddenly puts her fingers to her head, tilts her head back and rolls her eye into the back of her head, and begins to speak in some kind of gibberish.)
Dashiki: Ocka! Walukilukiduki. Ammadu wellwu wulle wuh mahoomba watoombaaaaaa... Alltimit destrucity. Sabu tatanka. Mucka high ding ding.
Hopper: Dashiki, what do you see?
(Dashiki now looks at Hopper, or so we think. She appears to be in a trance, her eyes still rolled back, her white eyeballs staring at Hopper.)
Dashiki: I see a reediculous scene. I see a place filled wit reediculously-looking men wit reediculous names dat are sposed ta be funny, but at best belong in a Steeeven Seagaaal movie.
(Hopper seems to be excited.)
Hopper: You're good at this, Huh? That must be J.D. Storm meeting with his Gambling buddy Bobby Bodacious and a man named Rico Casteel.
Dashiki: Yes! YES! I can hear peeple chaanting... "RICO! RICO!" witout reason.
Hopper: What's happening?
Dashiki: Nuting. Absolutely nuting. Dere just staandin dere...
Hopper: Do they say anything about me?
Dashiki: Dey says one ting. Dey goin to take Hopper out.
(Hopper chuckles.)
Hopper: That's not going to happen.
Dashiki: And dey truuly knows it. I can see it. Dey does very little durin dere time dere. Dey seem ta just sit dere and tink.
Hopper: Is that thing going to air on television?
Dashiki: Yes, yes, I can cleerly feel it goin over da airwaves far everyone ta see!
Hopper: What? They're just sitting there, wasting precious airtime in silence?
(Dashiki suddenly lets out a loud shrieking noise.)
Dashiki: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS......
(She tilts her head back once again and rolls it around a few times before "looking" at Hopper again.)
Hopper: Dashiki? Tell me. Can you tell me what they are thinking about me and our match on Asylum on the 14th?
Dashiki: No. Do ya know a Branden Harvey?
Hopper: Yes, yes, sadly I do.
Dashiki: I tink... I tink dey tinks yer as consistant as dat Branden Harvey.
Hopper: What, are they serious? Starting off undefeated isn't inconsistent!
Dashiki: Dey tink that you aren't good enough to be in da same ring as dem! Dey tink dat you are a overnight tunder storm, makin lots of noise, but never lasting trou da night!
(Hopper laughs.)
Hopper: Me? Not talenten enough to last with the big boys? You gotta be fucking kiddin me? Oh god, when Mike Morrison tried to make the case that I was going to be beaten within inches of my life. What happened? He thought I cared more about the weather when it was so obvious I didn't care about the match and welcomed the chance to get beaten into traction. Of course, the oh-so-different and BEATABLE team of Mikey Morrison and Yoko Misawa DIDN'T win that match, the underrated Tyler Vaughn and the absolutly true, new superstar of APW Hopper Fuckin Rose did. MOST HATED...Did...But yeah, Mikey REALLY proved that The Hardcore King, Hopper Rose would crumble right in front of your very own eyes. Maybe Morrison IS more consistent than I am. I mean, he's consistently losing to me. He has consistently in back to back weaks got both his, and Misawa ass beaten by me and MY PARTNER. Now this week is going to be a little different. Me. B. Tyler Vaughn. Casteel. Gambler. Bobby B. Wild. Wild to say the least. It's not like I haven't been down roads like this before...
(Dashiki doesn't really seem to listen to Hopper.)
Dashiki: I see Diana Ross...
Hopper: Un Huh...
Dashiki: I see a woman atta wreestling show. She is bein wheeled down in a wheelchair and she keeps yellin "Excuse me! Excuse me!"
Hopper: Hmm, what's the significance?
Dashiki: It's da uneeveersal symbol fer excuses.
Hopper: Hmm, interesting... go on.
Dashiki: Dat could be it. I see fame. A claim to fame. Hopper's claim to fame. Hopper's claim to fame is kickin someone in da balls laast week.
Hopper: You have got to be kidding me? One of them is thinkin that? That's a pretty stupid thing to be think, it's so stupid, I can't believe they would actually be thinkin that!
(Dashiki suddenly just looks at Hopper and in a normal voice says...)
Dashiki: That's what the crystal ball says, dude, take it or leave it.
(As Hopper looks a bit surprised, Dashiki goes back into her trance.)
Hopper: If one of the Gamblers or Casteel really thinks that they're making two fatal mistakes at once - actually underestimating The Legendary Hardcoreness and reslilliancy of Hopper Rose and discrediting who I am.
Dashiki: I see movies. Baad, baad movies. I see Ben Affleck.
Hopper: Oh yeah, that's the kind of actor where they get their best friggin comedy material from.
Dashiki: I see more. Not a lot more, but more. I see Hopper lookin paast everythin else ta get ta where he wants ta go. Doon't ya ferget dat dere's no shartcuts to glory or gold.
Hopper: Oh man... you must have watched EWC television for years and just collected all the worst, most played out and clichéd things people said, right? If I WERE already looking past everything and looking ahead to gold and glory, why would I even bother taking on a partner? It's very simple - MOST HATED will be in the main event of a pay per view soon. To do so, to make said event the highest profile event it can be, which is only a criterium for Hopper Rose, I need to be an APW Contender, and in order to be that, I am going to have to beat Rico Casteel myself at the final Asylum before Shockwave. I'm going to beat them all myself if I have to. PERIOD.
Dashiki: I see deesmay. Hopper's deesmay.
(Hopper simply chuckles, showing just how dismayed he is.)
Dashiki: Arruja! Merde! Oompa loompa!
Hopper: Oompa Loompa? Seriously? What now?
Dashiki: I see change! Change we can believe in! I see many ch-ch-ch-changes!
Hopper: That can't be The Gambler losing his gold, can it?
Dashiki: No, it's Barack Obama listening to David Bowie.
Hopper: Right, because The Gambler likes to bet? David Bowie? I can't hear it. President Jeff destroying everything a title such as the Suicidal Championship stands for by giving it to a friggin gimp like The Gambler, who obviously knows a lot about russian roulette, but knows nuthing about what it takes to be labeled as 'Suicidal'. May as fuckin well call it the goddamn 'Spermicidal Title' as long as it's in Gambler's hands, huh. Not caring about class and honor anymore Jeff? The fact is I established in the past that a professional wrestler is no hero. Hopper Rose never was a hero to anybody, and making your money by beating people up or promising to beat them up was never that honorable to begin with. People say different things, but they don't really act the part, they don't sound convicing to me at all. If you strip anyone of their self-righteous belief that they are a better human being, than what do you have left?
(Once again, Dashiki doesn't really seem to listen to Hopper and rolls her eyes.)
Dashiki: I see a warlord. I see a warrior. I see leviathan. I see The Sex Pistols.
Hopper: Fuck. That's Odd. Gambler, Bodacious or Casteel probably also think I am willing and able of "stooping" to any level I would "stoop" to, but the reality is, I couldn't. No one could. Many have tried. A few have come close. One or two from the past come to mind. But the fact is that I, APW's Finest will always find a way to be the better bad guy than any of them. I'm better AND badder than anybody else in the history this goddamn business.
Dashiki: I see lame phrases.
Hopper: What is it?
Dashiki: Someone smoking someone else at da faar twenty.
Hopper: Huh?
(Dashiki takes off her turban to reveal beautiful blonde hair and uses it to wipe the crystal ball clean. She then puts the turban back on her head.)
Dashiki: Sarry. I tink it twas much lamer den dat.
Hopper: Oh yeah? What else do you see?
Dashiki: I see nuting else.
Hopper: What? I mean, I know Casteel and the gang aren't simpletons, but that can't be it? A few old clichés and ridiculous claims? That's it?
(Dashiki gets out of her trance and suddenly rather looks like a woman you'd see on Maury, pointing her finger at Hopper.)
Dashiki: Yo, ain't my fault. I'm not a mind reader ya know!
(Hopper gets up and walks towards the door.)
Hopper: Yeah, I know. I just thought for 250 bucks you'd offer me something at least, but I know it isn't your fault that Rico Casteel, Bobby B and The Gambler will have to pay an ultimate price. But I have to run anyway, my plane to Nashville is leaving soon.
(Dashiki doesn't respond. Instead, she goes back into her trance.)
Dashiki: Alacka lacka. Fookeyuuuuu.
(As the Papa Shango music is getting louder, Hopper takes a final look at Dashiki, turns around and leaves her trailer.)
(Fade To Static.)
