Post by brandenharvey on Aug 25, 2011 22:43:25 GMT -4
The scene opens in the bedroom of Branden Harvey and his wife, Lisa. No, this is not going to be a porno, you sick freak. Branden and Lisa are simply having a private conversation, with the exception of a camera being in the room ready to broadcast this conversation worldwide on the internet.
Branden: Lisa, I have a confession to make. But it is really bad.
Lisa: Whatever it is, you can tell me.
Branden: I know I have been telling you how confident I am about this World Heavyweight Championship Match at Shockwave. But, the truth is, I have been lying to you. I wanted you to see me as Superman. But I am not Superman. I would not even know where to go to find Superman. Lisa, the truth is, I am terrified. I just know I am going to lose the World Heavyweight Championship Match at Shockwave.
Lisa: I know, Branden. I know that is how you feel. I have known for days now.
Branden: You do? What gave it away?
Lisa: Um... You ranted about it on the internet. After I left the gym, you went off about how scared you were. I follow your career. I watched that video.
Branden: THAT MADE IT ONLINE!!!!! I meant to edit that out.
Lisa: Then you need to work on your editing skills. Why did you not watch it after you posted it? Or, better yet, before? What is wrong with you?
Branden: I never do. I should probably start doing that, huh?
Lisa: Yeah. It would be smart. I would be willing to bet Biggs does. Rico Casteel too.
Branden: DO NOT MENTION THE NAME RICO CASTEEL IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait. This means Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel know how scared I am? DAMNIT!!
Lisa: I thought you were trying to stop cussing.
Branden: Well, this damn conspiracy has got me on edge. There is a conspiracy against me in APW and that is why my video got posted early.
Lisa: This conspiracy is controlling your hands now? You sound more and more like a crazy person every day. Are you sure your illness is gone?
Branden: I am not crazy. I know it is gone. Why would Doctor Skau lie to me?
Lisa: We need to change the subject. Branden, why are you so scared?
Branden: Lisa, I never win in APW. I had this idea that if I were to get myself in a championship match, I would pull a win out of my ass. But now I am starting to believe that was just wishful thinking. I am one of the worst wrestlers to ever compete in APW. I am horrible. I always have been. And I always will be.
Lisa: Branden, you are just beyond rookie. Your first match in pro wrestling was just over a year ago. You need to remember that Rome was not built in a day. You have been getting better. I believe you have a chance in this match. I believe in you, my husband.
Branden gets quiet for a moment. He looks to be in deep thought. Finally, he looks at Lisa. He has a smile on his face, his spirits lifted.
Branden: You are right, Lisa. I am going to go into that match and make Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel pay for the part they have been playing in the conspiracy against myself and the rest of the Elite Posse. They are going to be crushed. And I am going to be the one that crushes them. When I come back from Saint Paul, I am going to have the World Heavyweight Championship belt around my waist. Thank you, my wife. You have given my confidence back.
Lisa: You are very welcome. I love you.
Branden: I love you too. But could you please do me just one more favor?
Lisa: Of course. What is it?
Branden: Do not let Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel know about my misgivings in this match. I will never live it down.
Lisa looks straight into the camera.
Lisa: I will not say a word.
Branden: Thank you.
They kiss and lie down on the bed. The camera zooms to the ceiling. Clothes are being thrown into the air as the scene fades.
The scene opens at the Sacramento Airport. Branden Harvey is there waiting for his plane to Saint Paul, Minnesota.
Announcment: 41 to Dallas, Texas is now boarding.
Harvey continues to wait. Finally, after what seems like an eternity to you, the viewer, he looks into the camera and begins to speak.
Harvey: Hello, APW fans. Welcome to part two of the two part series "The Branden Harvey Main Event Anomaly." As always, I'm your host Branden Harvey. I am the longest running host of this show. I was here for the series premiere and I am your host for the series finale. So let us get started.
You see, this show is all about me. This show is about me and my match at APW Shockwave for the World Heavyweight Championship. If you did not get that from the title, then you must be an inbred idiot. If you are an inbred idiot, that means you must be an APW fan. So, no surprise. But enough about the general APW fan. It is time to move on to the biggest inbred idiots of them all, Rico Casteel and Big Daddy Chris.
Rico Casteel, you drew the short straw this time. I am starting with you. Rico Casteel, you keep refering to me as a court jester. The court jester of APW. That is how everyone in APW sees me. But is it fact... or fiction? Is it true that I walk out to that ring to please everybody and make them all laugh?
Mr. Casteel, you have hit it close to the nose. But close will not get you a cigar. I was once the APW court jester. I saw it as my duty to please these ingrates that come to see this pathetic show. That was an idea that was put in my head by your homosexual lover, CJ Gates, by the way. But that was before I realized how much these low lifes laughed at me. They thought I was some sort of joke.
I am not a joke, Rico. At Shockwave, you will discover how brutal and sadistic I can be. Sedition is my middle name and I will not stop until your face is crushed into the ground. Then, if I feel like it, I might have mercy and pin your sorry shoulders to the mat.
Rico Casteel, you ask how I have earned this match? You ask how I have been cheated? It is really simple. It is so simple, a man of your limited intellect can probably understand.
You see, I came into APW around this time last year. I busted my ass for months and I was awarded Rising Star of the Year for my troubles. You would think the Rising Star of the Year would get a title shot. But I did not. I earned that distinction. And nobody would give me a title shot here in APW. Nobody, Rico. Even after I earned it.
Rico, you dare bring up my illness? That illness was one of the proving factors that you were not really my friend. When I got sick, APW fired me. I had no job. I had no money. I had nothing. And where were my friends? Rico Casteel and CJ Gates, my only two friends in APW, could not have cared less about me.
You want to know what happened to my illness? I was visited by a true friend. His name was Blade. Blade cared for me. But he did not have any money. So he talked to two people who did. Their names were The Gambler and Bobby Bodacious.
Together, the three of them pooled in all the money they could to send me to the best neurosurgeons in the world. Finally, it was a doctor by the name of Randall Skau that found a way to get the illness out of my brain and still allow me to live through it. Doctor Skau saved my life. Doctor Skau saved my career. Doctor Skau is an honorary member of the Elite Posse.
Rico Casteel, you believe I talked down to you during our friendship? To be perfectly honest, you are right. I talked down to you. I limited my speech to a few simple grunts. Tiny little one or two syllable words. The reason for that is because I knew that was the sum total of your grasp on the english language, which is funny because english is your primary language. That is what made you the school yard outcast. Three intelligent men, and one big tub that was only in the group for security purposes.
Rico Casteel, you were nothing but our pawn. And the pawn always gets taken out before the king. And Rico, I am the king in this game. And it is time to take you out.
Now, as for you, Big Daddy Chris, BDC, Chris Defoe, whatever you would like me to call you, I do not like you. Not only do I not like you, but I do not believe you will be a factor in this match. You are too busy having sex with indian woman to care about this match. But to me, nothing else matters.
Big Daddy Chris, you might as well not show up because, when it is all said and done, there will be a new World Heavyweight Champion. And his name will not be Big Daddy Chris. His name will be Branden Harvey.
The scene fades.
Branden: Lisa, I have a confession to make. But it is really bad.
Lisa: Whatever it is, you can tell me.
Branden: I know I have been telling you how confident I am about this World Heavyweight Championship Match at Shockwave. But, the truth is, I have been lying to you. I wanted you to see me as Superman. But I am not Superman. I would not even know where to go to find Superman. Lisa, the truth is, I am terrified. I just know I am going to lose the World Heavyweight Championship Match at Shockwave.
Lisa: I know, Branden. I know that is how you feel. I have known for days now.
Branden: You do? What gave it away?
Lisa: Um... You ranted about it on the internet. After I left the gym, you went off about how scared you were. I follow your career. I watched that video.
Branden: THAT MADE IT ONLINE!!!!! I meant to edit that out.
Lisa: Then you need to work on your editing skills. Why did you not watch it after you posted it? Or, better yet, before? What is wrong with you?
Branden: I never do. I should probably start doing that, huh?
Lisa: Yeah. It would be smart. I would be willing to bet Biggs does. Rico Casteel too.
Branden: DO NOT MENTION THE NAME RICO CASTEEL IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait. This means Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel know how scared I am? DAMNIT!!
Lisa: I thought you were trying to stop cussing.
Branden: Well, this damn conspiracy has got me on edge. There is a conspiracy against me in APW and that is why my video got posted early.
Lisa: This conspiracy is controlling your hands now? You sound more and more like a crazy person every day. Are you sure your illness is gone?
Branden: I am not crazy. I know it is gone. Why would Doctor Skau lie to me?
Lisa: We need to change the subject. Branden, why are you so scared?
Branden: Lisa, I never win in APW. I had this idea that if I were to get myself in a championship match, I would pull a win out of my ass. But now I am starting to believe that was just wishful thinking. I am one of the worst wrestlers to ever compete in APW. I am horrible. I always have been. And I always will be.
Lisa: Branden, you are just beyond rookie. Your first match in pro wrestling was just over a year ago. You need to remember that Rome was not built in a day. You have been getting better. I believe you have a chance in this match. I believe in you, my husband.
Branden gets quiet for a moment. He looks to be in deep thought. Finally, he looks at Lisa. He has a smile on his face, his spirits lifted.
Branden: You are right, Lisa. I am going to go into that match and make Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel pay for the part they have been playing in the conspiracy against myself and the rest of the Elite Posse. They are going to be crushed. And I am going to be the one that crushes them. When I come back from Saint Paul, I am going to have the World Heavyweight Championship belt around my waist. Thank you, my wife. You have given my confidence back.
Lisa: You are very welcome. I love you.
Branden: I love you too. But could you please do me just one more favor?
Lisa: Of course. What is it?
Branden: Do not let Big Daddy Chris and Rico Casteel know about my misgivings in this match. I will never live it down.
Lisa looks straight into the camera.
Lisa: I will not say a word.
Branden: Thank you.
They kiss and lie down on the bed. The camera zooms to the ceiling. Clothes are being thrown into the air as the scene fades.
---------------------------
The scene opens at the Sacramento Airport. Branden Harvey is there waiting for his plane to Saint Paul, Minnesota.
Announcment: 41 to Dallas, Texas is now boarding.
Harvey continues to wait. Finally, after what seems like an eternity to you, the viewer, he looks into the camera and begins to speak.
Harvey: Hello, APW fans. Welcome to part two of the two part series "The Branden Harvey Main Event Anomaly." As always, I'm your host Branden Harvey. I am the longest running host of this show. I was here for the series premiere and I am your host for the series finale. So let us get started.
You see, this show is all about me. This show is about me and my match at APW Shockwave for the World Heavyweight Championship. If you did not get that from the title, then you must be an inbred idiot. If you are an inbred idiot, that means you must be an APW fan. So, no surprise. But enough about the general APW fan. It is time to move on to the biggest inbred idiots of them all, Rico Casteel and Big Daddy Chris.
Rico Casteel, you drew the short straw this time. I am starting with you. Rico Casteel, you keep refering to me as a court jester. The court jester of APW. That is how everyone in APW sees me. But is it fact... or fiction? Is it true that I walk out to that ring to please everybody and make them all laugh?
Mr. Casteel, you have hit it close to the nose. But close will not get you a cigar. I was once the APW court jester. I saw it as my duty to please these ingrates that come to see this pathetic show. That was an idea that was put in my head by your homosexual lover, CJ Gates, by the way. But that was before I realized how much these low lifes laughed at me. They thought I was some sort of joke.
I am not a joke, Rico. At Shockwave, you will discover how brutal and sadistic I can be. Sedition is my middle name and I will not stop until your face is crushed into the ground. Then, if I feel like it, I might have mercy and pin your sorry shoulders to the mat.
Rico Casteel, you ask how I have earned this match? You ask how I have been cheated? It is really simple. It is so simple, a man of your limited intellect can probably understand.
You see, I came into APW around this time last year. I busted my ass for months and I was awarded Rising Star of the Year for my troubles. You would think the Rising Star of the Year would get a title shot. But I did not. I earned that distinction. And nobody would give me a title shot here in APW. Nobody, Rico. Even after I earned it.
Rico, you dare bring up my illness? That illness was one of the proving factors that you were not really my friend. When I got sick, APW fired me. I had no job. I had no money. I had nothing. And where were my friends? Rico Casteel and CJ Gates, my only two friends in APW, could not have cared less about me.
You want to know what happened to my illness? I was visited by a true friend. His name was Blade. Blade cared for me. But he did not have any money. So he talked to two people who did. Their names were The Gambler and Bobby Bodacious.
Together, the three of them pooled in all the money they could to send me to the best neurosurgeons in the world. Finally, it was a doctor by the name of Randall Skau that found a way to get the illness out of my brain and still allow me to live through it. Doctor Skau saved my life. Doctor Skau saved my career. Doctor Skau is an honorary member of the Elite Posse.
Rico Casteel, you believe I talked down to you during our friendship? To be perfectly honest, you are right. I talked down to you. I limited my speech to a few simple grunts. Tiny little one or two syllable words. The reason for that is because I knew that was the sum total of your grasp on the english language, which is funny because english is your primary language. That is what made you the school yard outcast. Three intelligent men, and one big tub that was only in the group for security purposes.
Rico Casteel, you were nothing but our pawn. And the pawn always gets taken out before the king. And Rico, I am the king in this game. And it is time to take you out.
Now, as for you, Big Daddy Chris, BDC, Chris Defoe, whatever you would like me to call you, I do not like you. Not only do I not like you, but I do not believe you will be a factor in this match. You are too busy having sex with indian woman to care about this match. But to me, nothing else matters.
Big Daddy Chris, you might as well not show up because, when it is all said and done, there will be a new World Heavyweight Champion. And his name will not be Big Daddy Chris. His name will be Branden Harvey.
The scene fades.