Post by Johnny "True Brit" Brown on Sept 16, 2011 16:29:01 GMT -4
Chapter and Verse
Tap Tap tap!
Is that in me head? It's still banging, f**k you very much Jason Kash.
All ya needed was some bread and Worcester sauce an' ya could have had some Johnny Brown Rarebit in the middle of the ring
The NEWWWWW Tap-Out champion Johnny 'True Brit' Brown is sat with a bandage wrapped around his head, his shaved dome sticking out of the top. Spots of blood have soaked through the covering and now have dulled to a rusty brown.
The wounds inflicting on the newly crowned champion by the out-going champion; Jason Kash, during the pairs latter clash in Asylum's main event have clearly taken their toll; both physically and mentally. Of course the cocky Englishman would deny it if asked.
Ya couldn't handle it could ya Jase. I beat ya in the middle of the ring I made ya tap an' yer ego wouldn't swallow it. I may just have just missed a yer momma joke there somewhere...
Back to the sore loser; Kash you couldn't stand it could ya. Seeing me walk through your fed, taking your gold then stealing the title shot from under your nose.
So you resorted to type and use ungentlemanly tactics and used a bloody cheese-grater on me noggin. I am not a carrot, onion or a cabbage, so why did ya think ya could turn me inta coleslaw?
My sponsors were furious; ya could have maimed me fer life. My Brit Pack would have been furious, not that I give a crap about the 'fans' but I care about the money they spend buying stuff with me mug on.
Tap Tap tap!
Jonathan, May I enter
The artist formerly known as Jolene peers around the hotel room door. She is carrying a silver tray with two mugs of steaming Rosie Lee on it. In sharp contrast to her usual daisy dukes and checked shirt the newly christened Joanie is wearing light summer dress, covered with roses.
She walks in with near perfect gait and settles the tea down on a small occasional table. Johnny accepts his cup as it is handed to him and takes a sip.
Nice one Jo, yer getting the hang of this. It's not quite builders brew but it's hot an' wet so it'll do. I've got a global audience hanging on me every word so hang back an' practice yer poise yer walked like John Wayne had his back doors smashed in.
Knowing better than to reply Joanie steps to the background and balances a weighty tome on her head and walks backwards and forwards balancing it.
As I was saying; before me wench interrupted, Jay Kay you extracted vengeance for me taking yer gold, but yer not done yet are ya? This week yer gonna try 'somethink'i can feel it in me chalfonts.
While I’m taking Rico Casteel; the APW World Heavyweight champion, to school yer gonna be stumbling through commentary chatting nonsense while trying ta stifle ya ganja giggles. At some point yer gonna get the munchies and crash me tea party.
I'm sure yer make up some crappy excuse as to why you accidentally find yerself in the ring smacking me or Roido but you, me and “the Loose Cannon” all know why...
… it's cos all three of us know I’m the better man. We all know that ya shouldn’t have won the first blood battle royal, ya damn yanks like to bleat about yer rights to bear arms but do they really cover a feckin' cheese grater?
P'haps its the right weapon fer ya, you grate on my nerves every time yer speak. With that said Mr. Moneymaker stay the hell outta me business.
Given my opponents alleged MMA background and me being the baddest mofo from either side of the pond this could be a bloody good fight. Sure Roido like to muscle his way to a win, but lets face it does he really have a choice? Was his ban from the fighting world cos he was so relentless or cos he knew he was beat so took the easy way out and got DQ'ed?
Whatever Casteel says I don’t give a F, I welcome him bringing all that he has, it won't be enough. As I’ve shown since the time I’ve first stepped inta APW I’m the best.
Hell, if ya consider me first 'loss' what kinda loss was that? I bleed? Big deal if Roido smashes me nose with his big KO punch I’ll get back up. If me nose is spread more than Hayley Hitch at an OV party I'll look the son of the bitch in the eye, stick out me chin an' asking him for another.
Stupidity... p'haps... but I was taught take down the biggest and the best an' all the others in the yard will fall inta line. Right now the belt that Casteel wears marks him as the biggest and the best.... well he ain’t met me yet.
Right about now between bites of chicken and slurping down raw eggs Rico is dismissing me, jus' like he did before the battle royal. Arrogant son of a bitch!
Since I didn’t win he was technically right... so bravo Muscles but before your celebrate with a protein shake don't forget even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but I was this feckin' close to earning meself a World title shot in what my fourth match?
That alone should tell yer that yer ain’t faced anyone like me before.
Branden Harvey, the anaemic smurf? He got a title shot? Watching yer match I thought it was bring yer child to work day?
James Chambers, Chris Cyrus, Branden Harvey, Chris Defoe, Delilah, Jason Kash, Most Hated, Isamu Suzuki... yeah you've beaten them... so what... but as yer asked Shane Borderland a few weeks ago, what makes me any different than them?
Since most of those names mean jack shit ta me I can't really answer that, but what I can say is what makes me different than you!
My I.Q. isn’t the same as a packet of chopped ham, I don't stuff me kacks to show off at the gym and I have never NEVER played dress up. Not as a child, a teen for Halloween or to declare meself a king.
Serious man, what the hell is that about? "WELCOME TO THE MADNESS" Morrison should have ya for gimmick infringement. Does a crown and cape compensate for something? Did yer momma not breast feed yer enough? Or even too much? Did you have to come home early from the prom to suck her purple teet? Maybe yer should have worked on those book smarts you lack instead or sucking mummy dearest floppy ol' titties.
Is that why yer worked on yer body so much cos ya knew yer brain wasn’t up to much?
I don't need a bunch of overly macho bullshit or a Colonel or make me feel more like a man. I'm more than happy to sit in a field an enjoy the peace and tranquillity of nature.
Johnny closes his eyes drifting into the world he has just created until almost on cue Joanie drops her big book on her foot.
Joanie what the f**k are yer doing? I'm her painting a Picasso-esque picture of Roido's childhood and my chilling in me mental escape and yer swearing like a common tart!
Joanie snatches up the fallen encyclopedia only to toss it on a chair. She struggles at her dress hitching it up around her not-so floppy titties.
I don't get it suga you say you ain’t no lardy dar lord of the manor but you want me to act like my fair lady. Why can't I just show some boob like all the other women in rasslin'?
Johnny crosses the room and grabs Joanie by the nape of her neck and sedge of her jaw. He leans in and almost at a whisper menacingly explains his motives.
If ya call me suga again I’ll headbutt yer nose flat. Yours is not the reason why yours is TO DO AS I F'KIN SAY.
Like yesterdays garbage Johnny tosses his wench away, she lands on the book holding chair, sending all three to the floor.
Now you've pissed me off, she yer bring it on yerself, yer afta question me. I am the man ya do as I say. Do I hafta take me belt off again?
I shouldn't have ta put up wiv this crap.
Her eyes pleading Joanie grabs at johnny trying to wordlessly apologise but gets short shrift. Johnny turns back to the camera ignoring the sobs. His movements are no longer composed, his cheeky grin replaced by an angry fake smirk. His hand clenches into a fist in front of his face, opens into a stiff fan then clenches again
Rico!
Whether ya realise it or not ya a bully, ya relish yer physical superiority over others. Or so ya would have me think. It that yer game? Do ya act like a deluded fool and sell yer dumb as an X-Factor reject to throw people off the scent?
Am I just ignoring yer obvious skills, I’m sure yer more than a meathead that hits hard, if me sycophantic slut Joanie over their wasn’t so besotted with me loveaxe she would be queueing up for a piece of yer Adonis like frame.
You look like a champion is supposed ta, unlike the former Tap-Out champ. Ya have a scary presence that makes people think 'damn I better not mess with this guy.
Well ya know what Rico, I have every intention of messing wiv ya. I'm sure you've heard it all before. Challenges to stand nose to nose, other than from the supersonic midget who reaches yer belly button.
We can trade trash talk until the bell rings, we share that one trait at least. Mine of course is in the Queen's English yours is well it whatever they dribble in Bismark, Dakota.
Man... what a shit hole that place is... you know yer like is messed up when the only thing your home town is known for is sharing it's name with a sex act... coincidently being the recipient of said act is how your paid for yer MMA training but I digress.
Rico Casteel... until now you have been a dominant champion, by the time of match roles around yer would have held the gold for nearly four months, congrats ol bean as Kash may think I say.
Ya have been savvy enough to keep the belt out of my way for now. After I have beaten you and knocked the Hardcore Herbal Hero on his OVerated arse Reginald will have to give me a shot in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.
I'm gonna collect gold quicker than a chav ram-raiding Argos.
Why cos I’m johnny Brown and everyone's gonna get their HEAD KICKED IN!
Tap Tap tap!
Is that in me head? It's still banging, f**k you very much Jason Kash.
All ya needed was some bread and Worcester sauce an' ya could have had some Johnny Brown Rarebit in the middle of the ring
The NEWWWWW Tap-Out champion Johnny 'True Brit' Brown is sat with a bandage wrapped around his head, his shaved dome sticking out of the top. Spots of blood have soaked through the covering and now have dulled to a rusty brown.
The wounds inflicting on the newly crowned champion by the out-going champion; Jason Kash, during the pairs latter clash in Asylum's main event have clearly taken their toll; both physically and mentally. Of course the cocky Englishman would deny it if asked.
Ya couldn't handle it could ya Jase. I beat ya in the middle of the ring I made ya tap an' yer ego wouldn't swallow it. I may just have just missed a yer momma joke there somewhere...
Back to the sore loser; Kash you couldn't stand it could ya. Seeing me walk through your fed, taking your gold then stealing the title shot from under your nose.
So you resorted to type and use ungentlemanly tactics and used a bloody cheese-grater on me noggin. I am not a carrot, onion or a cabbage, so why did ya think ya could turn me inta coleslaw?
My sponsors were furious; ya could have maimed me fer life. My Brit Pack would have been furious, not that I give a crap about the 'fans' but I care about the money they spend buying stuff with me mug on.
Tap Tap tap!
Jonathan, May I enter
The artist formerly known as Jolene peers around the hotel room door. She is carrying a silver tray with two mugs of steaming Rosie Lee on it. In sharp contrast to her usual daisy dukes and checked shirt the newly christened Joanie is wearing light summer dress, covered with roses.
She walks in with near perfect gait and settles the tea down on a small occasional table. Johnny accepts his cup as it is handed to him and takes a sip.
Nice one Jo, yer getting the hang of this. It's not quite builders brew but it's hot an' wet so it'll do. I've got a global audience hanging on me every word so hang back an' practice yer poise yer walked like John Wayne had his back doors smashed in.
Knowing better than to reply Joanie steps to the background and balances a weighty tome on her head and walks backwards and forwards balancing it.
As I was saying; before me wench interrupted, Jay Kay you extracted vengeance for me taking yer gold, but yer not done yet are ya? This week yer gonna try 'somethink'i can feel it in me chalfonts.
While I’m taking Rico Casteel; the APW World Heavyweight champion, to school yer gonna be stumbling through commentary chatting nonsense while trying ta stifle ya ganja giggles. At some point yer gonna get the munchies and crash me tea party.
I'm sure yer make up some crappy excuse as to why you accidentally find yerself in the ring smacking me or Roido but you, me and “the Loose Cannon” all know why...
… it's cos all three of us know I’m the better man. We all know that ya shouldn’t have won the first blood battle royal, ya damn yanks like to bleat about yer rights to bear arms but do they really cover a feckin' cheese grater?
P'haps its the right weapon fer ya, you grate on my nerves every time yer speak. With that said Mr. Moneymaker stay the hell outta me business.
Given my opponents alleged MMA background and me being the baddest mofo from either side of the pond this could be a bloody good fight. Sure Roido like to muscle his way to a win, but lets face it does he really have a choice? Was his ban from the fighting world cos he was so relentless or cos he knew he was beat so took the easy way out and got DQ'ed?
Whatever Casteel says I don’t give a F, I welcome him bringing all that he has, it won't be enough. As I’ve shown since the time I’ve first stepped inta APW I’m the best.
Hell, if ya consider me first 'loss' what kinda loss was that? I bleed? Big deal if Roido smashes me nose with his big KO punch I’ll get back up. If me nose is spread more than Hayley Hitch at an OV party I'll look the son of the bitch in the eye, stick out me chin an' asking him for another.
Stupidity... p'haps... but I was taught take down the biggest and the best an' all the others in the yard will fall inta line. Right now the belt that Casteel wears marks him as the biggest and the best.... well he ain’t met me yet.
Right about now between bites of chicken and slurping down raw eggs Rico is dismissing me, jus' like he did before the battle royal. Arrogant son of a bitch!
Since I didn’t win he was technically right... so bravo Muscles but before your celebrate with a protein shake don't forget even a stopped clock is right twice a day, but I was this feckin' close to earning meself a World title shot in what my fourth match?
That alone should tell yer that yer ain’t faced anyone like me before.
Branden Harvey, the anaemic smurf? He got a title shot? Watching yer match I thought it was bring yer child to work day?
James Chambers, Chris Cyrus, Branden Harvey, Chris Defoe, Delilah, Jason Kash, Most Hated, Isamu Suzuki... yeah you've beaten them... so what... but as yer asked Shane Borderland a few weeks ago, what makes me any different than them?
Since most of those names mean jack shit ta me I can't really answer that, but what I can say is what makes me different than you!
My I.Q. isn’t the same as a packet of chopped ham, I don't stuff me kacks to show off at the gym and I have never NEVER played dress up. Not as a child, a teen for Halloween or to declare meself a king.
Serious man, what the hell is that about? "WELCOME TO THE MADNESS" Morrison should have ya for gimmick infringement. Does a crown and cape compensate for something? Did yer momma not breast feed yer enough? Or even too much? Did you have to come home early from the prom to suck her purple teet? Maybe yer should have worked on those book smarts you lack instead or sucking mummy dearest floppy ol' titties.
Is that why yer worked on yer body so much cos ya knew yer brain wasn’t up to much?
I don't need a bunch of overly macho bullshit or a Colonel or make me feel more like a man. I'm more than happy to sit in a field an enjoy the peace and tranquillity of nature.
Johnny closes his eyes drifting into the world he has just created until almost on cue Joanie drops her big book on her foot.
Joanie what the f**k are yer doing? I'm her painting a Picasso-esque picture of Roido's childhood and my chilling in me mental escape and yer swearing like a common tart!
Joanie snatches up the fallen encyclopedia only to toss it on a chair. She struggles at her dress hitching it up around her not-so floppy titties.
I don't get it suga you say you ain’t no lardy dar lord of the manor but you want me to act like my fair lady. Why can't I just show some boob like all the other women in rasslin'?
Johnny crosses the room and grabs Joanie by the nape of her neck and sedge of her jaw. He leans in and almost at a whisper menacingly explains his motives.
If ya call me suga again I’ll headbutt yer nose flat. Yours is not the reason why yours is TO DO AS I F'KIN SAY.
Like yesterdays garbage Johnny tosses his wench away, she lands on the book holding chair, sending all three to the floor.
Now you've pissed me off, she yer bring it on yerself, yer afta question me. I am the man ya do as I say. Do I hafta take me belt off again?
I shouldn't have ta put up wiv this crap.
Her eyes pleading Joanie grabs at johnny trying to wordlessly apologise but gets short shrift. Johnny turns back to the camera ignoring the sobs. His movements are no longer composed, his cheeky grin replaced by an angry fake smirk. His hand clenches into a fist in front of his face, opens into a stiff fan then clenches again
Rico!
Whether ya realise it or not ya a bully, ya relish yer physical superiority over others. Or so ya would have me think. It that yer game? Do ya act like a deluded fool and sell yer dumb as an X-Factor reject to throw people off the scent?
Am I just ignoring yer obvious skills, I’m sure yer more than a meathead that hits hard, if me sycophantic slut Joanie over their wasn’t so besotted with me loveaxe she would be queueing up for a piece of yer Adonis like frame.
You look like a champion is supposed ta, unlike the former Tap-Out champ. Ya have a scary presence that makes people think 'damn I better not mess with this guy.
Well ya know what Rico, I have every intention of messing wiv ya. I'm sure you've heard it all before. Challenges to stand nose to nose, other than from the supersonic midget who reaches yer belly button.
We can trade trash talk until the bell rings, we share that one trait at least. Mine of course is in the Queen's English yours is well it whatever they dribble in Bismark, Dakota.
Man... what a shit hole that place is... you know yer like is messed up when the only thing your home town is known for is sharing it's name with a sex act... coincidently being the recipient of said act is how your paid for yer MMA training but I digress.
Rico Casteel... until now you have been a dominant champion, by the time of match roles around yer would have held the gold for nearly four months, congrats ol bean as Kash may think I say.
Ya have been savvy enough to keep the belt out of my way for now. After I have beaten you and knocked the Hardcore Herbal Hero on his OVerated arse Reginald will have to give me a shot in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.
I'm gonna collect gold quicker than a chav ram-raiding Argos.
Why cos I’m johnny Brown and everyone's gonna get their HEAD KICKED IN!
