Post by Johnny "True Brit" Brown on Sept 18, 2011 15:07:23 GMT -4
There’s an uneasy pause…
… not exactly the best way to start an earth-shattering promo.
Given that a unassuming weasel of a man is stood mid-screen in an obscenely expensive suit that looks decidedly dowdy given the human coat rack inside it.
-Good evening. Following from Mr. Jonathan Brown’s “promo” from last weekend his sponsors have taken this unusual step of asking me to start his latest offering to clarify our, his, position.
Firstly we do NOT think that Mr. Rico Casteel has ever taken illegal steroids or growth hormones.
Mr. Brown was merely mocking those who would be foolish enough to make such statements. He__
-Ya done Bruv?
Johnny Brown steps into the shot, forcing the camera to drop back, revealing a simple APW curtain draped in a lawyers office. He is also dressed in a crisp suit, although he wears it much better. He flicks open his jacket to flash his shiny gold belt. The Tap-Out title to e exact, a title he is proud to hold but yearns for something more.
-Do ya really think anyone will swallow that crap? Do ya think I care what they think? What Roido thinks?
-Can I help it if he was tiny shrunken balls and bacne the size of Ben Nevis? His displays of violence are indicative of roid rage. Me ‘jokes’ about him being a roid-head are jokes the facts are right there. But let’s not take this down the same old alley we’ve been down before. This is a new dawn a new day, let’s take a different perspective on the APW World Heavyweight Champion.
-It’s time to fade to black, I’ll be right back!
-Wakey wakey… annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we’re back!
Back in a locker room. A locker room just like the one that 10 years ago a young Rico Casteel sat in moments after beating a man to death, or so the story goes.
The lights are purposely moody and dim. Amid benches and the stinking lockers is a lone chair. On the chair within the carefully placed lights glare is Johnny Brown, back to his usual jeans, plain white tee and bomber jacket combo (and yes his 18 holers) he looks at his feet, raising his head as he begins.
-Does this place remind ya of anything Rico?
-P’haps I’m pushing me luck reminding ya of how it felt all those long years ago. The blood was still on yer hands. Yer training was trying to get you ta see what you through away but all ya could do is shit on the guy that made you.
-What was the catalyst that made you take the fatal turn?
-Colonel Frederick de LaFontaine III, the gentleman with p’haps the worst taste in suits in the world? Mustard should only be seen on hot dogs. Nope it was a man called Eli…
-APW fans know him better as The Rapping Rabbi. This is the man who got into ya head and made you quite literally a killer. Kosher jokes aside there is something kinda sick about a holy man pushing yer to break one of the 10 commandments or ten categories of mitzvoth if ya wanna be picky, something I kinda like.
Standing; Johnny turns and kicks his vacated seat away. A wayward arm knocking the light overhead sending it swinging back and forth.. His gaze catch a locker door. He runs his hand over the fist shaped dent. Knowing the feeling the man who swung the fist into the locker felt if not his reasons for locker-cide.
The sheer frustration used to boil over from Johnny too, that was a long time ago. One too many close calls and he got his temper under control, well to an extent. Catching himself he snaps back to reality as the cone of light settles.
-When I found out that little nugget about ya it almost made me respect ya champ, I think ya made the wrong call in the grand scheme of things that day but at least ya had the courage of ya convictions. These too many Megastars in APW who talk big yet time and again fail to back it up. Harvey banged on about his chance to beat you then phoned it in. Even he knew he didn’t have a chance, everyone knew he was given a shot because it was his ‘time’ rather than his being the true top contender. If he has a problem with that he can try and shut me up, bloody gnome.
-From a gnome to a giant, a monster ta be exact.
Even calling Rico Casteel a monster make True Brit chuckle.. He’s seen true monster not one’s of size and power; but one’s of inherent evil that spread their darkness like a disease, truly ruining lives with there sickness. He has slain more then a few, in one way or another.
-Rico seem to think that yer a true monster.. every monster has a weakness, King Kong had an eye for the ladies, Godzilla has an affinity for gigantic moths an’ ya has one. I ain’t figured it out yet but I will an’ come Asylum I’ll have a pocket full of Kryptonite and I will be the one to stop APW’s Superman.
-Ya can consider me a British Batman, and not the one from the Knight an’ squire comic, but the one that always has a plan.. ya know just in case. I’m ready ta take down the Flash, The Green Lantern or Wonder Woman
-What can I say I’ll hit bit*hes too
-So while yer slugging the big bag or pumping iron like Arnie, I’ll be finding the cracks, I have an inbuilt divining rod, but I don’t find water I find weakness in me opponents. It might be the tiniest of scratch but when I expose it to the dynamite that is the True Brit…
-Boom! Boom! Boooom!
-The Kingdom will crumble, your ramparts will be rubble and yer drawbridge will be downed.
-There ain’t no moat I can leap, jump or swim across to get to ya Casteel. This battering ram was born in England a land with a long history full of fallen kings, all of whom were too stupid to see the uprising happening in front of their eyes. There will be no magna carta to save ya Rico.
-now I’ve heard you don’t think I’ve earned a shot at ya, well I guess since I lost in the FBBR that’s true, but when I show you why I have been called the fastest rising megastar ever seen I APW and beat ya at Asylum you will have to admit that I deserve a shot/
-Colonel Mustard may be good at Cluedo but he sucks at psycho-analysis, he called me jealous, comparing me to a pig at a county fair. If I had any idea what he was talking about I might be pissed off. But since Sanders witterings mean nowt ta me I’ll let it go.
-Something ya can't seem ta let go is people calling ya dumb...
-... thing is Muscles; first check yer bio it says you ain’t go no book smarts, I assume yer can read... check with yer entourage, show everyone yer Mensa membership card I don’t care, cos every time ya open yer mouth you prove people right.
-Sure you're fairly well spoken for a Bizzo, yet you let yerself down. Yer clearly listened to me little tirade earlier in the week, but yer selective hearing missed me point. I can see there's a brain inside yer thick skull. Yer want me to think of ya as a dumb brute so yer can outwit me in the ring. There's no way I ain't taking yer seriously Roido. Only an idiot would overlook yer record an' I ain’t ready ta take Knoxville's place as the village idiot, he's so good at it.
-Sorry Tommy is was a cheap shot but ya make it so easy. Don't take it ta heart just get some more ink, that'll make yer feel better.
-What will ya do Rico, what will make you get out of bed the morning after I beat you? Pride? Pride that burns when you look at ya tarnished crown? Shame of being beaten by 'a bad toothed shit-stain'? Will ya dump all the tea ya can find in the harbour like yer ancestors did?
-Since yer so interested I like mine white with no sugar, that’s the irony RC, while you ignore the finer points of me promo and accuse me of falling into the same patterns as your other opponents, you are guilty of the exact same thing.
-Tea-drinking... check
-Bad Teeth... check
-Hey you forgot the crumpet and bad impression spot!
-So in summary we both have followed the path set by our predecessors, we both don't like Jason Kash and we both hold gold.
-Despite the similarities there is a vast gulf between us. I don't need to constantly bring up one single fight 10 years ago to prove how bad-ass I am. I don't need a pair of comedy stereotypes to compensate for me lack of personality like you do. Unlike you and many of me country men in this business I don't claim to be royalty, in fact I would rather be a pauper than a prince. I have earned everything I have I don’t need a silver spoon to make me mark on the world.
-It's funny Rico, I heard the rumours in the back from you and a few of our peers, have complained to anyone who'll listen that I don't belong, that I haven’t paid me dues. Do you truly believe APW is the only place in the wrestling universe?
-Are you one of the old guard who insist on a soft hand shake an' all that crap. Do you really think time served equals main events. This business is all about winning an' losing. When I beat ya next week I will have proved how archaic your way is. It's thinking like that that could kill this business. In order to survive everything has to evolve an' that includes APW.
-I'm the next step while you're still an chimp scratching at a stone with a stick while I'm inventing the wheel sat beside a fire.
-APW is going to get shook to it's core an' you're just the next step. Don't take it personally champ it could have been anyone of those welcome in the champs room across the ring from me. I was just lucky enough to be handed the top guy first. Yes I said it yer the top guy, me while I guess that makes me a bottom feeder daring to swim out of me depth where the sharks are looking fer blood.
-In less than a week I’m gonna swim right inta yer jaws and shake me arse, take a bite I f**king dare ya.
-Kingdom of Madness? More like a child’s fort built with cardboard boxes with a black rain cloud over head. I will rain down on yer Rico Casteel yer walls will sag then fall down. I will leave you still breathing; unlike you I am capable of mercy; this mercy will come with a price. The nightmares you will endure will be a fate worse than death.
-Heavy will be the head that wears the crown, when it gets KICKED IN of course.
… not exactly the best way to start an earth-shattering promo.
Given that a unassuming weasel of a man is stood mid-screen in an obscenely expensive suit that looks decidedly dowdy given the human coat rack inside it.
-Good evening. Following from Mr. Jonathan Brown’s “promo” from last weekend his sponsors have taken this unusual step of asking me to start his latest offering to clarify our, his, position.
Firstly we do NOT think that Mr. Rico Casteel has ever taken illegal steroids or growth hormones.
Mr. Brown was merely mocking those who would be foolish enough to make such statements. He__
-Ya done Bruv?
Johnny Brown steps into the shot, forcing the camera to drop back, revealing a simple APW curtain draped in a lawyers office. He is also dressed in a crisp suit, although he wears it much better. He flicks open his jacket to flash his shiny gold belt. The Tap-Out title to e exact, a title he is proud to hold but yearns for something more.
-Do ya really think anyone will swallow that crap? Do ya think I care what they think? What Roido thinks?
-Can I help it if he was tiny shrunken balls and bacne the size of Ben Nevis? His displays of violence are indicative of roid rage. Me ‘jokes’ about him being a roid-head are jokes the facts are right there. But let’s not take this down the same old alley we’ve been down before. This is a new dawn a new day, let’s take a different perspective on the APW World Heavyweight Champion.
-It’s time to fade to black, I’ll be right back!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
-Wakey wakey… annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we’re back!
Back in a locker room. A locker room just like the one that 10 years ago a young Rico Casteel sat in moments after beating a man to death, or so the story goes.
The lights are purposely moody and dim. Amid benches and the stinking lockers is a lone chair. On the chair within the carefully placed lights glare is Johnny Brown, back to his usual jeans, plain white tee and bomber jacket combo (and yes his 18 holers) he looks at his feet, raising his head as he begins.
-Does this place remind ya of anything Rico?
-P’haps I’m pushing me luck reminding ya of how it felt all those long years ago. The blood was still on yer hands. Yer training was trying to get you ta see what you through away but all ya could do is shit on the guy that made you.
-What was the catalyst that made you take the fatal turn?
-Colonel Frederick de LaFontaine III, the gentleman with p’haps the worst taste in suits in the world? Mustard should only be seen on hot dogs. Nope it was a man called Eli…
-APW fans know him better as The Rapping Rabbi. This is the man who got into ya head and made you quite literally a killer. Kosher jokes aside there is something kinda sick about a holy man pushing yer to break one of the 10 commandments or ten categories of mitzvoth if ya wanna be picky, something I kinda like.
Standing; Johnny turns and kicks his vacated seat away. A wayward arm knocking the light overhead sending it swinging back and forth.. His gaze catch a locker door. He runs his hand over the fist shaped dent. Knowing the feeling the man who swung the fist into the locker felt if not his reasons for locker-cide.
The sheer frustration used to boil over from Johnny too, that was a long time ago. One too many close calls and he got his temper under control, well to an extent. Catching himself he snaps back to reality as the cone of light settles.
-When I found out that little nugget about ya it almost made me respect ya champ, I think ya made the wrong call in the grand scheme of things that day but at least ya had the courage of ya convictions. These too many Megastars in APW who talk big yet time and again fail to back it up. Harvey banged on about his chance to beat you then phoned it in. Even he knew he didn’t have a chance, everyone knew he was given a shot because it was his ‘time’ rather than his being the true top contender. If he has a problem with that he can try and shut me up, bloody gnome.
-From a gnome to a giant, a monster ta be exact.
Even calling Rico Casteel a monster make True Brit chuckle.. He’s seen true monster not one’s of size and power; but one’s of inherent evil that spread their darkness like a disease, truly ruining lives with there sickness. He has slain more then a few, in one way or another.
-Rico seem to think that yer a true monster.. every monster has a weakness, King Kong had an eye for the ladies, Godzilla has an affinity for gigantic moths an’ ya has one. I ain’t figured it out yet but I will an’ come Asylum I’ll have a pocket full of Kryptonite and I will be the one to stop APW’s Superman.
-Ya can consider me a British Batman, and not the one from the Knight an’ squire comic, but the one that always has a plan.. ya know just in case. I’m ready ta take down the Flash, The Green Lantern or Wonder Woman
-What can I say I’ll hit bit*hes too
-So while yer slugging the big bag or pumping iron like Arnie, I’ll be finding the cracks, I have an inbuilt divining rod, but I don’t find water I find weakness in me opponents. It might be the tiniest of scratch but when I expose it to the dynamite that is the True Brit…
-Boom! Boom! Boooom!
-The Kingdom will crumble, your ramparts will be rubble and yer drawbridge will be downed.
-There ain’t no moat I can leap, jump or swim across to get to ya Casteel. This battering ram was born in England a land with a long history full of fallen kings, all of whom were too stupid to see the uprising happening in front of their eyes. There will be no magna carta to save ya Rico.
-now I’ve heard you don’t think I’ve earned a shot at ya, well I guess since I lost in the FBBR that’s true, but when I show you why I have been called the fastest rising megastar ever seen I APW and beat ya at Asylum you will have to admit that I deserve a shot/
-Colonel Mustard may be good at Cluedo but he sucks at psycho-analysis, he called me jealous, comparing me to a pig at a county fair. If I had any idea what he was talking about I might be pissed off. But since Sanders witterings mean nowt ta me I’ll let it go.
-Something ya can't seem ta let go is people calling ya dumb...
-... thing is Muscles; first check yer bio it says you ain’t go no book smarts, I assume yer can read... check with yer entourage, show everyone yer Mensa membership card I don’t care, cos every time ya open yer mouth you prove people right.
-Sure you're fairly well spoken for a Bizzo, yet you let yerself down. Yer clearly listened to me little tirade earlier in the week, but yer selective hearing missed me point. I can see there's a brain inside yer thick skull. Yer want me to think of ya as a dumb brute so yer can outwit me in the ring. There's no way I ain't taking yer seriously Roido. Only an idiot would overlook yer record an' I ain’t ready ta take Knoxville's place as the village idiot, he's so good at it.
-Sorry Tommy is was a cheap shot but ya make it so easy. Don't take it ta heart just get some more ink, that'll make yer feel better.
-What will ya do Rico, what will make you get out of bed the morning after I beat you? Pride? Pride that burns when you look at ya tarnished crown? Shame of being beaten by 'a bad toothed shit-stain'? Will ya dump all the tea ya can find in the harbour like yer ancestors did?
-Since yer so interested I like mine white with no sugar, that’s the irony RC, while you ignore the finer points of me promo and accuse me of falling into the same patterns as your other opponents, you are guilty of the exact same thing.
-Tea-drinking... check
-Bad Teeth... check
-Hey you forgot the crumpet and bad impression spot!
-So in summary we both have followed the path set by our predecessors, we both don't like Jason Kash and we both hold gold.
-Despite the similarities there is a vast gulf between us. I don't need to constantly bring up one single fight 10 years ago to prove how bad-ass I am. I don't need a pair of comedy stereotypes to compensate for me lack of personality like you do. Unlike you and many of me country men in this business I don't claim to be royalty, in fact I would rather be a pauper than a prince. I have earned everything I have I don’t need a silver spoon to make me mark on the world.
-It's funny Rico, I heard the rumours in the back from you and a few of our peers, have complained to anyone who'll listen that I don't belong, that I haven’t paid me dues. Do you truly believe APW is the only place in the wrestling universe?
-Are you one of the old guard who insist on a soft hand shake an' all that crap. Do you really think time served equals main events. This business is all about winning an' losing. When I beat ya next week I will have proved how archaic your way is. It's thinking like that that could kill this business. In order to survive everything has to evolve an' that includes APW.
-I'm the next step while you're still an chimp scratching at a stone with a stick while I'm inventing the wheel sat beside a fire.
-APW is going to get shook to it's core an' you're just the next step. Don't take it personally champ it could have been anyone of those welcome in the champs room across the ring from me. I was just lucky enough to be handed the top guy first. Yes I said it yer the top guy, me while I guess that makes me a bottom feeder daring to swim out of me depth where the sharks are looking fer blood.
-In less than a week I’m gonna swim right inta yer jaws and shake me arse, take a bite I f**king dare ya.
-Kingdom of Madness? More like a child’s fort built with cardboard boxes with a black rain cloud over head. I will rain down on yer Rico Casteel yer walls will sag then fall down. I will leave you still breathing; unlike you I am capable of mercy; this mercy will come with a price. The nightmares you will endure will be a fate worse than death.
-Heavy will be the head that wears the crown, when it gets KICKED IN of course.
