Post by Phil Atken on Oct 22, 2011 14:39:00 GMT -4
We find Phil Atken once again sitting around a Tokyo-based hotel room. Really, the guy should get out more. He's been living on room service this entire week. I'm not even sure if he's been in training for his match. He's on his mobular celluar phone having a very important conversation while holding a can of some kind of drink in his other hand. It's a good thing he has two hands.
Atken: So, this is the best deal you could make?
…
Atken: I don't like the looks of this thing, it's bright orange. It looks toxic somehow. Like maybe they just bottled raw sewage... and then crapped in it just to make sure.
Phil sniffs the can in his hand.
Atken: Smells toxic too.
…
Atken: Look, if that's all we can get, take it. I need to money, the hotel bill is growing by the second. You wouldn't believe the amounts of different sushis you get here.
…
Atken: No, I'm pretty sure the plural is sushis.
Phil hangs up his (rather cheap looking) phone and turns towards the camera.
Atken: Gosh, you guys really are punctual aren't you. Well, shall we get started. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY!
Phil blows a trumpet (don't ask)
Atken: I've been giving this Battle Royal a lot of thought in these past hours. In a way, I'm glad the adults have finally joined me at the table. Like me, Arcadia and Pence know that Battle Royals are not a test of wrestling prowess, they are a test of strategy. It doesn't matter how many holds you know, all that matters is how much of a ring general you are. It's an easy, youthful mistake to make and we all make mistake when we're young.
Of course now I know there ARE adults at the table, my job becomes just a little bit harder. I was kinda counting on everyone coming out gun blazin', eliminating each other and I'd just kinda sit in the corner, perhaps drinking a tasty, cool and refreshing Popsi. Popsi, it's 80% drinkable!
Phil attempts to show off a can of Popsi, however the can slips from his hands and drops to the floor below. About 20 ants are seen marching out of the can of Popsi. Phil simply shrugs his shoulders and kicks the can out of shoulder view.
Atken: *muttering to himself* Glad it's not my room...
See my friends, not only is Popsi a delicious mid-day substitute for whiskey, it is also rich in protein. Mmm-mmm, that itchy feeling can only mean Popsi. Popsi Popsi Popsi. Can I have my money now?
Phil moves away from the ever expanding ant pile and to a different corner of the rather small accommodation.
Atken: Where was I before Antageddon? Ah! Yes! That although I'm delighted to hear from rational adults, I can't help but become a little bit more concerned about Sunday. To be honest, until now I just thought I'd win by default.
This new information has left me a little on edge, or I would be if it didn't appear that somehow I've become a ghost. Now I don't remember dying but I suppose I wouldn't. If I remembered dying then I'd know I was a ghost. Also, I don't think APW would have hired me if I was a ghost. I mean we are after all a very judgemental society and people to this day still view ghosts as the lowest class, gender or indeed race. When was the last time you saw someone ran away screaming when a woman entered the room?
I mean, I assume I must be a ghost because to my opponents, I sure as hell don't exist. I mean I'm a respectful fellow, I'm not going to stand in front of this camera and call everyone in this company an asshole, call their mother's whores and then sleep with their sisters. That's just not the person I am. Well apart from that one incident but I'm court ordered not to discuss that. Regardless, I just wish I was acknowledged as being in this Battle Royal.
Now I could stand here with false bravado and tell everyone that forgetting me is the biggest mistake they could ever make, I could say that I'm the biggest threat of all and if you ignore me I'll eat your children. I could but the realities are much different. MY FEELINGS ARE HURT. I AM A LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN! I WILL BE ACKNOWLEDGED!
Phil bites his fist to fight back the “tears”, assuring to no-one in particular that he's “alright”. After a few seconds, he composes himself.
Atken: Sorry, I thought I was Pence Weatherlight's future there for a second. Can't begin to think how that happened.
Phil clears his throat. Somehow another onion begins to roll around the floor. I guess Japan has a lot of onions.
Atken: You see, I've heard Pence talking about being down in the dumps, talking about his losses, thinking about quitting, thinking about smuggling cocaine in a place cocaine should not be. I think maybe he said something about murdering a prostitute but I may be imagining that. No matter! The point is Pence, I'd have so much more sympathy for you if one, you weren't being a giant hypocrite and two, I hadn't been in your shoes only recently.
You see, two years ago I was working for a little ole promotion down Texas way and well, by the end of that year my win-loss record wasn't looking very pretty. Now I kept going on, knowing to everyone else I was a joke because I knew deep down that I had talent. I must have had talent, it's what people always told me. So loss came after loss but I kept going on. I didn't give up, I didn't even think about giving up and I'll tell you what Pence, I didn't keep going because the fans were on my side. Hell, the fans abandoned me before my co-workers. That's when I realised Pence, you do it for the money. You do it for your legacy. You do it because you want history to remember you. You don't do it for the fans.
Penny, the fans couldn't give a shit if you make your comeback or not. If you succeed, they'll cheer you because their conditioned to like winners but say you lost this battle royal, say your path to redemption is immediately derailed, do you think they'll still be behind you? Do you think the next time you step out from the curtain, they'll be on their feet, cheering wildly, Weatherlight signs held high in the air? They won't! They'll be looking at their friends, texting on their phones, going to buy popcorn. The one thing they won't be doing is cheering you. Then, as you walk to the ring, you'll hear one sentence Pence, I promise you that you will hear this sentence and trust me, it cuts like a knife. Someone will mutter to their friend...
“Who's this jobber?”
Phil physically winces at the question.
Atken: You may be playing nice now, but you're only halfway down that rabbit hole. No one is ever going to care about a loser, no matter how entertaining they are. I know! I was there! I WAS YOU! I WAS YOU BUT NO LONGER! No longer! I will not let that happen again.
So let me make one thing clear to you Pence, to Arcadia, to everyone in this Battle Royal. I am not going to become a cautionary tale. I am not going to appear on the APW website in ten years time in an article entitled “APW's 10 Biggest Losers” ranked at number 10. I will not let that happen and it's not because of the fans, it's not because of some kind of work ethic, it's for me and my legacy. I want to be remembered as a success, I want it written down that Phil Atken was a success. That Phil Atken went from being a legend to a joke and then back again. I want to be remembered not by these turncoat fans but by history as a wrestling legend.
If we're realistic, everyone is in this industry for themselves. I'm just honest about it.
Atken: So, this is the best deal you could make?
…
Atken: I don't like the looks of this thing, it's bright orange. It looks toxic somehow. Like maybe they just bottled raw sewage... and then crapped in it just to make sure.
Phil sniffs the can in his hand.
Atken: Smells toxic too.
…
Atken: Look, if that's all we can get, take it. I need to money, the hotel bill is growing by the second. You wouldn't believe the amounts of different sushis you get here.
…
Atken: No, I'm pretty sure the plural is sushis.
Phil hangs up his (rather cheap looking) phone and turns towards the camera.
Atken: Gosh, you guys really are punctual aren't you. Well, shall we get started. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY!
Phil blows a trumpet (don't ask)
Atken: I've been giving this Battle Royal a lot of thought in these past hours. In a way, I'm glad the adults have finally joined me at the table. Like me, Arcadia and Pence know that Battle Royals are not a test of wrestling prowess, they are a test of strategy. It doesn't matter how many holds you know, all that matters is how much of a ring general you are. It's an easy, youthful mistake to make and we all make mistake when we're young.
Of course now I know there ARE adults at the table, my job becomes just a little bit harder. I was kinda counting on everyone coming out gun blazin', eliminating each other and I'd just kinda sit in the corner, perhaps drinking a tasty, cool and refreshing Popsi. Popsi, it's 80% drinkable!
Phil attempts to show off a can of Popsi, however the can slips from his hands and drops to the floor below. About 20 ants are seen marching out of the can of Popsi. Phil simply shrugs his shoulders and kicks the can out of shoulder view.
Atken: *muttering to himself* Glad it's not my room...
See my friends, not only is Popsi a delicious mid-day substitute for whiskey, it is also rich in protein. Mmm-mmm, that itchy feeling can only mean Popsi. Popsi Popsi Popsi. Can I have my money now?
Phil moves away from the ever expanding ant pile and to a different corner of the rather small accommodation.
Atken: Where was I before Antageddon? Ah! Yes! That although I'm delighted to hear from rational adults, I can't help but become a little bit more concerned about Sunday. To be honest, until now I just thought I'd win by default.
This new information has left me a little on edge, or I would be if it didn't appear that somehow I've become a ghost. Now I don't remember dying but I suppose I wouldn't. If I remembered dying then I'd know I was a ghost. Also, I don't think APW would have hired me if I was a ghost. I mean we are after all a very judgemental society and people to this day still view ghosts as the lowest class, gender or indeed race. When was the last time you saw someone ran away screaming when a woman entered the room?
I mean, I assume I must be a ghost because to my opponents, I sure as hell don't exist. I mean I'm a respectful fellow, I'm not going to stand in front of this camera and call everyone in this company an asshole, call their mother's whores and then sleep with their sisters. That's just not the person I am. Well apart from that one incident but I'm court ordered not to discuss that. Regardless, I just wish I was acknowledged as being in this Battle Royal.
Now I could stand here with false bravado and tell everyone that forgetting me is the biggest mistake they could ever make, I could say that I'm the biggest threat of all and if you ignore me I'll eat your children. I could but the realities are much different. MY FEELINGS ARE HURT. I AM A LIVING, BREATHING HUMAN! I WILL BE ACKNOWLEDGED!
Phil bites his fist to fight back the “tears”, assuring to no-one in particular that he's “alright”. After a few seconds, he composes himself.
Atken: Sorry, I thought I was Pence Weatherlight's future there for a second. Can't begin to think how that happened.
Phil clears his throat. Somehow another onion begins to roll around the floor. I guess Japan has a lot of onions.
Atken: You see, I've heard Pence talking about being down in the dumps, talking about his losses, thinking about quitting, thinking about smuggling cocaine in a place cocaine should not be. I think maybe he said something about murdering a prostitute but I may be imagining that. No matter! The point is Pence, I'd have so much more sympathy for you if one, you weren't being a giant hypocrite and two, I hadn't been in your shoes only recently.
You see, two years ago I was working for a little ole promotion down Texas way and well, by the end of that year my win-loss record wasn't looking very pretty. Now I kept going on, knowing to everyone else I was a joke because I knew deep down that I had talent. I must have had talent, it's what people always told me. So loss came after loss but I kept going on. I didn't give up, I didn't even think about giving up and I'll tell you what Pence, I didn't keep going because the fans were on my side. Hell, the fans abandoned me before my co-workers. That's when I realised Pence, you do it for the money. You do it for your legacy. You do it because you want history to remember you. You don't do it for the fans.
Penny, the fans couldn't give a shit if you make your comeback or not. If you succeed, they'll cheer you because their conditioned to like winners but say you lost this battle royal, say your path to redemption is immediately derailed, do you think they'll still be behind you? Do you think the next time you step out from the curtain, they'll be on their feet, cheering wildly, Weatherlight signs held high in the air? They won't! They'll be looking at their friends, texting on their phones, going to buy popcorn. The one thing they won't be doing is cheering you. Then, as you walk to the ring, you'll hear one sentence Pence, I promise you that you will hear this sentence and trust me, it cuts like a knife. Someone will mutter to their friend...
“Who's this jobber?”
Phil physically winces at the question.
Atken: You may be playing nice now, but you're only halfway down that rabbit hole. No one is ever going to care about a loser, no matter how entertaining they are. I know! I was there! I WAS YOU! I WAS YOU BUT NO LONGER! No longer! I will not let that happen again.
So let me make one thing clear to you Pence, to Arcadia, to everyone in this Battle Royal. I am not going to become a cautionary tale. I am not going to appear on the APW website in ten years time in an article entitled “APW's 10 Biggest Losers” ranked at number 10. I will not let that happen and it's not because of the fans, it's not because of some kind of work ethic, it's for me and my legacy. I want to be remembered as a success, I want it written down that Phil Atken was a success. That Phil Atken went from being a legend to a joke and then back again. I want to be remembered not by these turncoat fans but by history as a wrestling legend.
If we're realistic, everyone is in this industry for themselves. I'm just honest about it.
