Post by 2nd Generation Saints on Dec 27, 2011 3:07:02 GMT -4
Cameras fade in on Dan "The Man" Bochner & Cid "The Shooter" Phoenix as they sit at a random dive bar in New Orleans, preparing to down what looks to be shots of whiskey. After tossing back their shots, they set the shot glasses on the bar and turn to look directly at the screen. The expression on Dan's face is that of amusement, while Cid's is that of annoyance. Dan cocks his head to one side, as he speaks..
DAN: Hello APW! I'm Dan Bochner -
CID: and I'm Cid Phoenix.
DAN: We're here in beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana - a few blocks down from the New Orleans Arena, which happens to be the site of our debut appearance on APW Asylum, where Cid, Rhonda Vixen & I will be facing off against the team of Bacon, Toast and Trixie.
There is a pause, as Cid Phoenix shakes his head and buries his face in one hand. Dan's face goes beet red.
DAN: That's right folks! You heard the names right. But regardless of the absurdity of our opponents' names - we still are going to go into this match with the intensity, drive and focus needed to come out on top, as this is an important match for all of us involved! And what better way to start off the new year than with a victory over a team that sounds more like a balanced breakfast than an actual threat!
CID: Yes, but we're not going to get juvenile and make fun of their names, or even cut an absurd promo with useless props. The people of New Orleans don't deserve that! These people deserve a team with class and poise worthy of respect that can go into that ring and get the job done!
DAN: Exactly, Cid. They need a team that can ACTUALLY win!
CID: True, Dan! Because everybody knows that Louisiana sucks and that the only things that New Orleans is famous for, are terrible shrimp, a Mardi Gras full of debauchery and sexually transmitted diseases, and Hurricane Katrina - which may have been the best thing to hit this dump in it's entire existence!
DAN: HAHAHA Right you are! By the way, Cid - I just heard Jason "Bacon" Andrews and his boyfriend Toast talk about a great many things during their sad excuse for a promo.
Cid exhales for a moment. He then begins to rub his beard, knowing pretty much where Dan is taking their promo. He lifts his head to look at the camera and speaks..
CID: That Toast slept with a drag queen. I wonder if he's got enough room in that closet!
Dan smiles as he looks over at Cid.
DAN: Correct-A-Mundo, my Uber-Technical Expert of a partner! He DID admit to a night reminiscent of the song "One Night In Bangkok" That is one of the many things they spoke about, whilst trying to make an epic sandwich - which by the way looked like a greasy, high-cholesterol pile of shit mounted together and put on display. Heck, they even went so far as to call your girlfriend and our teammate Rhonda ugly!
At that point "Sexy" Rhonda Vixen walks onscreen and sits close to her boyfriend, Cid. She smiles as Dan nods to her, then chimes in.
RHONDA: Of course, he thinks I'm ugly. That's because Bacon & Toast like their women with five o'clock shadows & bit of greasy pork between their legs!
Dan and Cid start to laugh hysterically, as Rhonda just sneers and shakes her head at the camera. Cid puts his arm around her and speaks.
CID: Bacon, buddy - your "A-Game" is the equivalent of my "D-Game", and that's when I'm so drunk that I can't even stand, much less walk. You and your butt-buddy Toast a joke! You're not even halfway up to par with the likes of us!
Dan holds up a finger, interrupting.
DAN: True as that may be, though, Cid - Mr. Bacon DID say that he was going to put on a clinic and that he was going to "grease us all up", whatever THAT means. He even said with much confidence that he "sizzles through the competition". The funny part about all of this is that he and his buddy Toast must've missed what we did to the Red Shield Mafia at Christmas Chaos, because neither of them would be spouting all of that trashtalk if they'd seen what we did to the RSM!
CID: That's right, Dan! We took the fight to those Red Shield Mafia jackasses and we beat 'em all into their own car! In fact, if you want to get technical - even though we lost our match to that Dangerous Dude and that dyke Brandy Boyer, we STILL made quite the impact at Christmas Chaos at the expense of the former tag team champions! And that isn't something easily done!
DAN: I've gotta agree with you, yet again! But that Brandy Boyer was one strong bitch!
CID: Yeah, speaking of which - you went for a cunt shot on her. A cunt shot? Really? What the hell were you thinking?
DAN: Hey, it works on women too!
CID: Yeah, maybe when you kick 'em real hard!
DAN(sarcastically): Okay, ther mister technical-know how.. I didn't see you doing much to stop HER momentum!
CID: Hey, are you forgetting who got power-bombed and pinned? I tried damnit!
Dan and Cid look as if they're about to start fighting, but Rhonda steps in between them and orders Cid to sit in her chair as she takes a seat between the two of them. She quickly speaks, changing the subject.
RHONDA: However, I will admit that I did laugh when he brought out those two fat guys posing as the two of you. And that simultaneous superkick by Bacon and Toast on the two of them was a nice ending to a pretty boring rant.
CID (looks at Rhonda): Yeah, that was nice, but it's not going to be as epic as when Dan and I give those two a Sudden Death and a Paingasm that'll send their asses into traction come Asylum!
DAN: Cid's right, Rhonda! And while we're waiting to hear from Trixie Calloway, I'm sure that she'll probably talk about how she's gonna make an impact at the our expense and blah blah blah.. I'll change the channel on her! The bottom line is is that she and her team of the grease-loving Bacon and the tranny-loving Toast are in for a short drop and a sudden stop, courtesy of the Anti-Society X!
RHONDA: That's the spirit, boys! And if she's got anything to add, she can just shut her mouth and prove her worth at this week's Asylum. I'll be happy to show her just what I can do with tatooed porcelain punk rock princesses like her!
CID: Wow, Baby - try saying that last part three times fast!
Rhonda smiles at Cid and as the two hold hands, Dan chuckles and adds the finishing touches.
DAN: So there you have it, folks! We've laid it all on the table, just the way we like to. Now it's up to our opponents to try and step up and prove us wrong!
DAN: Hello APW! I'm Dan Bochner -
CID: and I'm Cid Phoenix.
DAN: We're here in beautiful New Orleans, Louisiana - a few blocks down from the New Orleans Arena, which happens to be the site of our debut appearance on APW Asylum, where Cid, Rhonda Vixen & I will be facing off against the team of Bacon, Toast and Trixie.
There is a pause, as Cid Phoenix shakes his head and buries his face in one hand. Dan's face goes beet red.
DAN: That's right folks! You heard the names right. But regardless of the absurdity of our opponents' names - we still are going to go into this match with the intensity, drive and focus needed to come out on top, as this is an important match for all of us involved! And what better way to start off the new year than with a victory over a team that sounds more like a balanced breakfast than an actual threat!
CID: Yes, but we're not going to get juvenile and make fun of their names, or even cut an absurd promo with useless props. The people of New Orleans don't deserve that! These people deserve a team with class and poise worthy of respect that can go into that ring and get the job done!
DAN: Exactly, Cid. They need a team that can ACTUALLY win!
CID: True, Dan! Because everybody knows that Louisiana sucks and that the only things that New Orleans is famous for, are terrible shrimp, a Mardi Gras full of debauchery and sexually transmitted diseases, and Hurricane Katrina - which may have been the best thing to hit this dump in it's entire existence!
DAN: HAHAHA Right you are! By the way, Cid - I just heard Jason "Bacon" Andrews and his boyfriend Toast talk about a great many things during their sad excuse for a promo.
Cid exhales for a moment. He then begins to rub his beard, knowing pretty much where Dan is taking their promo. He lifts his head to look at the camera and speaks..
CID: That Toast slept with a drag queen. I wonder if he's got enough room in that closet!
Dan smiles as he looks over at Cid.
DAN: Correct-A-Mundo, my Uber-Technical Expert of a partner! He DID admit to a night reminiscent of the song "One Night In Bangkok" That is one of the many things they spoke about, whilst trying to make an epic sandwich - which by the way looked like a greasy, high-cholesterol pile of shit mounted together and put on display. Heck, they even went so far as to call your girlfriend and our teammate Rhonda ugly!
At that point "Sexy" Rhonda Vixen walks onscreen and sits close to her boyfriend, Cid. She smiles as Dan nods to her, then chimes in.
RHONDA: Of course, he thinks I'm ugly. That's because Bacon & Toast like their women with five o'clock shadows & bit of greasy pork between their legs!
Dan and Cid start to laugh hysterically, as Rhonda just sneers and shakes her head at the camera. Cid puts his arm around her and speaks.
CID: Bacon, buddy - your "A-Game" is the equivalent of my "D-Game", and that's when I'm so drunk that I can't even stand, much less walk. You and your butt-buddy Toast a joke! You're not even halfway up to par with the likes of us!
Dan holds up a finger, interrupting.
DAN: True as that may be, though, Cid - Mr. Bacon DID say that he was going to put on a clinic and that he was going to "grease us all up", whatever THAT means. He even said with much confidence that he "sizzles through the competition". The funny part about all of this is that he and his buddy Toast must've missed what we did to the Red Shield Mafia at Christmas Chaos, because neither of them would be spouting all of that trashtalk if they'd seen what we did to the RSM!
CID: That's right, Dan! We took the fight to those Red Shield Mafia jackasses and we beat 'em all into their own car! In fact, if you want to get technical - even though we lost our match to that Dangerous Dude and that dyke Brandy Boyer, we STILL made quite the impact at Christmas Chaos at the expense of the former tag team champions! And that isn't something easily done!
DAN: I've gotta agree with you, yet again! But that Brandy Boyer was one strong bitch!
CID: Yeah, speaking of which - you went for a cunt shot on her. A cunt shot? Really? What the hell were you thinking?
DAN: Hey, it works on women too!
CID: Yeah, maybe when you kick 'em real hard!
DAN(sarcastically): Okay, ther mister technical-know how.. I didn't see you doing much to stop HER momentum!
CID: Hey, are you forgetting who got power-bombed and pinned? I tried damnit!
Dan and Cid look as if they're about to start fighting, but Rhonda steps in between them and orders Cid to sit in her chair as she takes a seat between the two of them. She quickly speaks, changing the subject.
RHONDA: However, I will admit that I did laugh when he brought out those two fat guys posing as the two of you. And that simultaneous superkick by Bacon and Toast on the two of them was a nice ending to a pretty boring rant.
CID (looks at Rhonda): Yeah, that was nice, but it's not going to be as epic as when Dan and I give those two a Sudden Death and a Paingasm that'll send their asses into traction come Asylum!
DAN: Cid's right, Rhonda! And while we're waiting to hear from Trixie Calloway, I'm sure that she'll probably talk about how she's gonna make an impact at the our expense and blah blah blah.. I'll change the channel on her! The bottom line is is that she and her team of the grease-loving Bacon and the tranny-loving Toast are in for a short drop and a sudden stop, courtesy of the Anti-Society X!
RHONDA: That's the spirit, boys! And if she's got anything to add, she can just shut her mouth and prove her worth at this week's Asylum. I'll be happy to show her just what I can do with tatooed porcelain punk rock princesses like her!
CID: Wow, Baby - try saying that last part three times fast!
Rhonda smiles at Cid and as the two hold hands, Dan chuckles and adds the finishing touches.
DAN: So there you have it, folks! We've laid it all on the table, just the way we like to. Now it's up to our opponents to try and step up and prove us wrong!
