Post by 2nd Generation Saints on Dec 28, 2011 17:25:22 GMT -4
Cameras fade in on Cid Phoenix, Dan Bochner and a small class of children in a small classroom in New Orleans. The blinds in the classroom are down and it is very dim as they are all watching the second Bacon promo in silence. The video ends and amidst a few small chuckles, Rhonda Vixen, walks to the back of the class and raises the blinds, as Dan & Cid - who are both dressed like General George Patton, stomp around stern-faced in front of the class. It is Dan who begins..
DAN: Well, my young soldiers - it seems that we have come under fire by quite a humorous bunch of shitbricks, who think that they can outmaneuver The Anti-Society when it comes to slander!
The class all look at him with blank, bored stares. Dan turns to Cid who is carrying a mini pool cue. Cid immediately snaps the small pool stick over his knee and yells, jolting the children..
CID: Pay Attention!!! Because there will be point in your young lives when you too will be under fire by "numbnuts" as ridiculous as these guys! You need to be prepared!
Rhonda quietly opens the door and motions for some one to enter. The class is in silent curiosity, which turns to excitement as a largest flatscreen television any of them has ever seen gets wheeled into the classroom. Cid grins at Dan as the two of them nod to eachother in approval. Dan then speaks again.
DAN: As some of you know, we are set to face the team of Bacon Toast and Trixie at Ayslum this week. Here begins the lesson, to prepare some of you for dealing with something like this. This also gives Cid Rhonda and I something to do, while contemplating all the nasty slams, locks and maneuvers we plan on inflicting upon our opponents! Here and now we will work on a tightly knit strategy to deal with such insurgents!
CID: These idiots must not be tolerated!
RHONDA: Nor should go ignored.. They must be confronted!
The classmates all stare blankly at the three of them, not quite grasping what is being said. Several of the kids actually yawn. Cid pulls out another mini pool cue from behind a desk and snaps it over his knee again, yelling.
CID: PAY ATTENTION CLASS!
Dan walks across the room, eyeing the students.
DAN: My Battle Buddy is right! You must all pay attention to the lesson, because this lesson will help you deal with instances such as this one, and it will also help determine our strategy going into Asylum this week against this team of the three stooges!
RHONDA: The lesson begins..
Rhonda sashay's over to the large flatscreen television, where she turns it on. The big enormous idiot box comes to life, showing the following image of Toast..
The classroom bursts out in hysterical laughter. Cid Phoenix again goes behind a desk and pulls out another mini pool cue. He breaks it over his knee again. The classroom goes silent, as Dan looks behind the desk, then up at Cid, shaking his head with a smirk. Dan then picks up one of the many mini pool cues and points it at the screen as he speaks..
DAN: This is the enemy! This enemy is not too bright and seems to have not finished any kind of schooling past grade 5 and is most likely a closeted homosexual! Yet, we must remain vigilant, because he follows THIS guy, the enemy leader..
Dan points the cue once again to the screen revealing an image of Bacon..
The classroom is in stitches, and this time it is Dan himself who snaps the pool cue over his knee. The class immediately goes quiet, and Cid nods approvingly at Dan, who smirks and continues the lesson.
DAN: Now this guy is a danger - not only to himself, but to those around him as well. We here believe that he may in fact have limited mental faculties, along with high cholesterol! And High Cholesterol is something we don't want! And finally, we have...
Dan points at the screen, which reveals a bowl of Trix Cereal.
DAN: This one seems more like a drip. We haven't heard enough from her, and she is most likely just as stupid as her counterparts! Notice the blank stare.
Cid examines the picture and taps Dan on the shoulder.
CID: Dude, she's got no eyes.. That's a bowl of Trix cereal..
Dan reaches over behind the desk and grabs another cue. He snaps the cue over his knee, as Cid jumps back in surprise. The classroom gasps.
DAN: EXACTLY MY POINT!!!
Dan looks sternly at the front row of the class. They're definitely paying attention now.
DAN: She has no eyes, BECAUSE she IS a drip and her partners are so focused on being funny, that they fail to realize that The Anti-Society X IS NO JOKE!!!
Cid runs over to Dan and tries to clam him down. The class all look to eachother as if Dan is a crazy man.
CID: Calm down, Dan! What do you propose is going to happen at Asylum. And what should we do? What should these kids do if they're ever faced with the tough choice of being slandered themselves?
Dan's face takes on a severely grim expression.
DAN: The only thing that we can do. We owe it to ourselves..
Suddenly Dan reaches behind the desk and pulls up two sledgehammers. He smiles wide as he speaks..
DAN: We've gotta bash their stupid brains in!
Dan tosses one sledge to Cid and another to Rhonda. He reaches behind the desk and pull up a third. The trio then start beating on the large flatscreen, sending sparks and broken pieces flying about. The kids in the class all scream and run to the back of the class, where they all huddle and hold on to eachother in fright, as the ASX mericlessly lets loose on the flatscreen.
KID: Oh, my God! They've gone crazy! I want my Mommy!
Several minutes later, the electronic debris that used to be a flatscreen television is littered all over the classroom floor. Cid sighs and pats Dan on the back, as Rhonda inspects her fingernails. She immediately looks up at the frightened children and calmly says with a most gentle voice...
RHONDA: Take your seats please.
The scared children are all hesitant at first, but eventually decided that it's in their best interests to take their seats. Dan goes behind a desk and pulls up another mini pool cue. He points it at the rubble on the floor.
DAN: Come Asylum, these broken pieces will represent the three of them, and we three will hold our hands together in victory. Not because of what we've accomplished elsewhere in the past, and not because of who we think we are. We will win solely on the fact that we will be striking a major blow to stupidity and blind arrogance everywhere!
The class gives a round of applause. Dan takes a brief moment to bow, then continues speaking..
DAN: We hope that we instilled the courage and belief that such things should not go unpunished. Base morons berating people with higher mental faculties should not even be allowed to speak!
CID(chimes in): So the next time some stupid mook walks up and calls any of you nerds of geeks or freaks of whatever, pick up a rock, and throw it right into their face! Don't worry about suspension - It's your right to fight against stupidity! Besides, if your GPA is high enough, you've really got nothing to worry about!
Dan smiles at Cid.
DAN: But let us not forget the "crux" of this entire lesson, in which has been made clear that you all should STAY IN SCHOOL, should NOT go on a dates with women who have the same reproductive equipment as yourselves - UNLESS you are into that sort of thing, eat HEALTHY foods and lastly.. Do NOT become a VICTIM of your breakfast! We here at the ASX, have but three slogans going into our debut Alylum match with these triple peckerwoods! Number one is...
Dan stands next to Cid, who stands next to Rhonda. The three immediately stand at Parade rest, with hands behind their backs and begin..
DAN: We WILL spill the Trix, number two..
CID: We WILL burn the Toast!
DAN: ..and number three...
RHONDA: We WILL fry the Bacon!
The classroom of kids erupts in cheer as the trio all stand there & nod to them. Dan holds up a hand, and silences them, speaking once more.
DAN: So with the lesson having ended, my little soldiers - I just have one question to ask? WHO ARE WE?!?
KIDS: THE FUTURE!!!
DAN: AND WHAT DO WE DO?!?
KIDS: ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
DAN: WHAT?!?
KIDS: ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
Dan does a Hulk Hogan style listening pose and says..
DAN: I CAN'T HEAR YOU...
KIDS: WE ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
Dan clasps his hands together & smiles.
DAN: That is correct, kids! You have all made me and my friends so proud. We thank you all for taking part in this special project, and as a result of your cooperation, everyone here is going home with Anti-Society X Gear, Bacon and Toast Plush Dolls, and a box of special edition Trix Cereal, with Trixie Callaway on the box & signed by the superstar herself! How's that sound, kids?
KIDS: YYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
DAN: You all be sure and remember that throughout all of your young lives.
RHONDA: This lesson has ended.
CID: Peace out lil' homeys!
The Anti-Society X all exit the Classroom as the sceen fades to black.
DAN: Well, my young soldiers - it seems that we have come under fire by quite a humorous bunch of shitbricks, who think that they can outmaneuver The Anti-Society when it comes to slander!
The class all look at him with blank, bored stares. Dan turns to Cid who is carrying a mini pool cue. Cid immediately snaps the small pool stick over his knee and yells, jolting the children..
CID: Pay Attention!!! Because there will be point in your young lives when you too will be under fire by "numbnuts" as ridiculous as these guys! You need to be prepared!
Rhonda quietly opens the door and motions for some one to enter. The class is in silent curiosity, which turns to excitement as a largest flatscreen television any of them has ever seen gets wheeled into the classroom. Cid grins at Dan as the two of them nod to eachother in approval. Dan then speaks again.
DAN: As some of you know, we are set to face the team of Bacon Toast and Trixie at Ayslum this week. Here begins the lesson, to prepare some of you for dealing with something like this. This also gives Cid Rhonda and I something to do, while contemplating all the nasty slams, locks and maneuvers we plan on inflicting upon our opponents! Here and now we will work on a tightly knit strategy to deal with such insurgents!
CID: These idiots must not be tolerated!
RHONDA: Nor should go ignored.. They must be confronted!
The classmates all stare blankly at the three of them, not quite grasping what is being said. Several of the kids actually yawn. Cid pulls out another mini pool cue from behind a desk and snaps it over his knee again, yelling.
CID: PAY ATTENTION CLASS!
Dan walks across the room, eyeing the students.
DAN: My Battle Buddy is right! You must all pay attention to the lesson, because this lesson will help you deal with instances such as this one, and it will also help determine our strategy going into Asylum this week against this team of the three stooges!
RHONDA: The lesson begins..
Rhonda sashay's over to the large flatscreen television, where she turns it on. The big enormous idiot box comes to life, showing the following image of Toast..
The classroom bursts out in hysterical laughter. Cid Phoenix again goes behind a desk and pulls out another mini pool cue. He breaks it over his knee again. The classroom goes silent, as Dan looks behind the desk, then up at Cid, shaking his head with a smirk. Dan then picks up one of the many mini pool cues and points it at the screen as he speaks..
DAN: This is the enemy! This enemy is not too bright and seems to have not finished any kind of schooling past grade 5 and is most likely a closeted homosexual! Yet, we must remain vigilant, because he follows THIS guy, the enemy leader..
Dan points the cue once again to the screen revealing an image of Bacon..
The classroom is in stitches, and this time it is Dan himself who snaps the pool cue over his knee. The class immediately goes quiet, and Cid nods approvingly at Dan, who smirks and continues the lesson.
DAN: Now this guy is a danger - not only to himself, but to those around him as well. We here believe that he may in fact have limited mental faculties, along with high cholesterol! And High Cholesterol is something we don't want! And finally, we have...
Dan points at the screen, which reveals a bowl of Trix Cereal.
DAN: This one seems more like a drip. We haven't heard enough from her, and she is most likely just as stupid as her counterparts! Notice the blank stare.
Cid examines the picture and taps Dan on the shoulder.
CID: Dude, she's got no eyes.. That's a bowl of Trix cereal..
Dan reaches over behind the desk and grabs another cue. He snaps the cue over his knee, as Cid jumps back in surprise. The classroom gasps.
DAN: EXACTLY MY POINT!!!
Dan looks sternly at the front row of the class. They're definitely paying attention now.
DAN: She has no eyes, BECAUSE she IS a drip and her partners are so focused on being funny, that they fail to realize that The Anti-Society X IS NO JOKE!!!
Cid runs over to Dan and tries to clam him down. The class all look to eachother as if Dan is a crazy man.
CID: Calm down, Dan! What do you propose is going to happen at Asylum. And what should we do? What should these kids do if they're ever faced with the tough choice of being slandered themselves?
Dan's face takes on a severely grim expression.
DAN: The only thing that we can do. We owe it to ourselves..
Suddenly Dan reaches behind the desk and pulls up two sledgehammers. He smiles wide as he speaks..
DAN: We've gotta bash their stupid brains in!
Dan tosses one sledge to Cid and another to Rhonda. He reaches behind the desk and pull up a third. The trio then start beating on the large flatscreen, sending sparks and broken pieces flying about. The kids in the class all scream and run to the back of the class, where they all huddle and hold on to eachother in fright, as the ASX mericlessly lets loose on the flatscreen.
KID: Oh, my God! They've gone crazy! I want my Mommy!
Several minutes later, the electronic debris that used to be a flatscreen television is littered all over the classroom floor. Cid sighs and pats Dan on the back, as Rhonda inspects her fingernails. She immediately looks up at the frightened children and calmly says with a most gentle voice...
RHONDA: Take your seats please.
The scared children are all hesitant at first, but eventually decided that it's in their best interests to take their seats. Dan goes behind a desk and pulls up another mini pool cue. He points it at the rubble on the floor.
DAN: Come Asylum, these broken pieces will represent the three of them, and we three will hold our hands together in victory. Not because of what we've accomplished elsewhere in the past, and not because of who we think we are. We will win solely on the fact that we will be striking a major blow to stupidity and blind arrogance everywhere!
The class gives a round of applause. Dan takes a brief moment to bow, then continues speaking..
DAN: We hope that we instilled the courage and belief that such things should not go unpunished. Base morons berating people with higher mental faculties should not even be allowed to speak!
CID(chimes in): So the next time some stupid mook walks up and calls any of you nerds of geeks or freaks of whatever, pick up a rock, and throw it right into their face! Don't worry about suspension - It's your right to fight against stupidity! Besides, if your GPA is high enough, you've really got nothing to worry about!
Dan smiles at Cid.
DAN: But let us not forget the "crux" of this entire lesson, in which has been made clear that you all should STAY IN SCHOOL, should NOT go on a dates with women who have the same reproductive equipment as yourselves - UNLESS you are into that sort of thing, eat HEALTHY foods and lastly.. Do NOT become a VICTIM of your breakfast! We here at the ASX, have but three slogans going into our debut Alylum match with these triple peckerwoods! Number one is...
Dan stands next to Cid, who stands next to Rhonda. The three immediately stand at Parade rest, with hands behind their backs and begin..
DAN: We WILL spill the Trix, number two..
CID: We WILL burn the Toast!
DAN: ..and number three...
RHONDA: We WILL fry the Bacon!
The classroom of kids erupts in cheer as the trio all stand there & nod to them. Dan holds up a hand, and silences them, speaking once more.
DAN: So with the lesson having ended, my little soldiers - I just have one question to ask? WHO ARE WE?!?
KIDS: THE FUTURE!!!
DAN: AND WHAT DO WE DO?!?
KIDS: ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
DAN: WHAT?!?
KIDS: ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
Dan does a Hulk Hogan style listening pose and says..
DAN: I CAN'T HEAR YOU...
KIDS: WE ELIMINATE THE COMPETITION!!!
Dan clasps his hands together & smiles.
DAN: That is correct, kids! You have all made me and my friends so proud. We thank you all for taking part in this special project, and as a result of your cooperation, everyone here is going home with Anti-Society X Gear, Bacon and Toast Plush Dolls, and a box of special edition Trix Cereal, with Trixie Callaway on the box & signed by the superstar herself! How's that sound, kids?
KIDS: YYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
DAN: You all be sure and remember that throughout all of your young lives.
RHONDA: This lesson has ended.
CID: Peace out lil' homeys!
The Anti-Society X all exit the Classroom as the sceen fades to black.
