Post by "That Girl" Diana Lambardo on May 24, 2008 15:58:13 GMT -4
APW comes back different than ever. The colors are bright, and the music is happy go lucky, with a plucky, 1950’s theme music sound playing in the background. We think….is that….Diana Steel? But how could that be? She’s standing there, in the communal kitchen of a hotel room, in a pastel peach summer dress. There’s a white apron around her waste and for some reason unknown to us she’s wearing matching peach high heels. Her long black hair is pulled back in a bun and I’m pretty sure she’s wearing…red lipstick? On the stove behind her is a pan with sizzling bacon strips on it. A timer goes off on the oven, and…”Diana” reaches for some oven mitts before opening the door. Just then Spirit opens the door to the room to come inside.
“Dia…” She starts to speak but is abruptly halted by the strange things she sees before her. “Diana…what are you doing?” She said, looking around the room confused. “Do I smell some sort of…roast?”
Diana reached into the oven with her mitts and pulled out her tray. As she turned around to present it she had on the generic smile that sells products. “It’s a delicious pot roast!”
“Um…Ok. Any occasion?” Spirit leaned against the nearest chair, still attempting to understand what was going on.
“Well you see, I’ve been thinking…maybe I’ve been doing things all wrong this whole time.” She set the pot roast down on a hot plate and took off the mitts. “Maybe I should just focus more on being a good wife and mother, and supporting Kenny’s career. I do love to cook after all! And all this fighting, well, I think it’s better left up to the boys anyway, don’t you agree?”
Spirit stood still for almost a minute while Diana spatula’d the bacon strips off the pan onto a dish, powdering them with brown sugar. The cameraman must have also been confused, because the lens began to lower slightly as the minute went on and Diana began draping the sugared bacon over the pot roast, then placing it back in the oven.
“Spirit?” Diana looked at her, but Spirit said nothing. She did nothing. She stood. “Oh my god, honey, I was kidding.” Diana’s voice was genuinely concerned for Spirit, who looked completely traumatized. She went over and hugged her. “Calm down, this is a joke, Spirit. A joke.”
Spirit was not very amused. “I thought you went a-wall! Don’t ever do that to me again, I swear to Kaos I will kill you! Fuck, warn me next time!”
“Wow, I really had you fooled. I don’t even know how to cook a pot roast. I’m not even sure what that thing is in the oven; I found it downstairs in a supply closet. I was just so tickled by what Sabur said I couldn’t help myself. He doesn’t know what he’s just gotten himself into.”
Spirit looked over at the camera. “That’s true. “That Team” is back in action after too long itching to step back in the ring together. And this here is a girl with some serious stress on her shoulders. Pissing her off? Yeah…not the greatest route you could have taken. And us? That Team? Washed up? I keep laughing every time I think about it!”
Diana sat down on the table she had earlier set down the “pot roast” on and Spirit took a seat next to her. “You believe whatever your little heart desires about women and the kitchen and all that bullshit because you know what Sabur? When you’re in the ring with us you can’t hide from the facts. You can’t hide from the fact that separately, Spirit and I are great wrestlers, on par or better than any shmuck in this business, including you. You can’t hide from the fact that together we have better chemistry in the ring than you and Razor Ryan could ever muster up by tonight. Maybe someday, but not yet. You wanna see what it looks like to be washed up? Go look at your hero, your dear leader Trevor Blackwell. Old and wrinkly as a prune, bruiting around, over-compensating with his cane? You wanna know what happened the last time Spirit and I met your big strong Trevor Blackwell in the ring as a tag team? We kicked his and Tony’s ass. Now doesn’t that just flip-flop your world upside down? Didn’t you ever wonder why experienced wrestlers, such as Spirit and myself left Sex & Violence, knowing Trevor as well as we both do? No? I didn’t think so. Well, he’ll kill your career alright, if you’re on his side!”
“Personally, I think it’s cute.”
“Oh, what? How Sabur’s turned himself into the miniature Trevor Blackwell?”
“With a miniature Dick!”
“Wow…” Diana rubbed her chin for a moment. “I think I want to manufacture stacking dolls. A big ol’ wooden Trevor Blackwell with Sabur fit snug inside, followed by a Lil’ Dick. It’ll sell, I’m sure of it. Anyway, you and Ryan go ahead and prepare yourselves for a match against a couple of chicks that belong in the kitchen. I think Ryan ought to know better, but still. Because that can only make us look better sweet pea. And it can only make you look worse. I can see it now…” Diana used her mocking voice. “ ‘Well, congratulations Sabur, Ryan. You’re the tag team champions. But, big deal, you beat The Iceman and two talentless chicks for it, get over yourselves.’ Sounds like an empty victory to me! Or, the more likely of situations: ‘Sabur, Ryan, how does it feel to have lost the tag titles to two washed up hags like Diana and Spirit? And in YOUR ring, no less!’ Either way, you make yourself look stupid and unfit for APW. Spirit and I are not legends yet, no. But this is our chance.”
“What happened to Razor, is he in denial?”
“They usually are after I’m through with them. Come on Razor, I expect better from you than to stand there and nod after everything Sabur spills out of the stupid hole he calls a mouth. Especially after taking a losing hit from the Heartbreaker. You’ve got potential Ryan, and I see that. Don’t let your “team mate” overshadow you.”
“But unfortunately,” Spirit interjected. “It just wouldn’t look too good if such an experienced tag team such as us, “That Team” were to lose our first tag title shot here at APW and we’re going to do ANYTHING we can to make sure that doesn’t happen. We don’t like looking bad, do we?”
“We sure don’t. So you two go on living in your delusions. Ignoring what’s real. Spirit and I will be busy becoming champions.”
“But those two are only half our battle.”
“Ah, that’s right. The Hardcore Kid and Jason Royce. Isn’t that a match made in heaven. Have you heard my new theory on Jason Royce?” Spirit shook her head, and the cameraman shook the camera in the same fashion. “Well, my theory is that Royce has a blind man living in his head, and there are all these words floating around the blind man in a blizzard. And when Jason wants to speak, the blind man just starts grabbing words and putting them together, then he says them. In my opinion it makes it cuter that way.”
And Spirit let out a sarcastic “Adorable.”
“Moron, or complete genius it doesn’t take much brains to be brilliant in the ring, but Iceman, as usual we will crush you. Someone in that ring will take you out. I’m sorry, you know that I hope one day you’re the greatest wrestler we’ve all ever seen. But today is not that day.”
“No…no it’s not.” Spirit shook her head. “How was it, fighting Kid?”
“Well I’ll tell you something, his Clothesline from Hell is something I wouldn’t look forward to.” Diana rubbed her chest. “He’s got the tools, he’s got the talent. He just…doesn’t have much of a partner.”
“Or much of a chance.”
“But he knows what it’s like to step into the ring with a woman going through the shit that I am right now. It can only mean bad things for you. You should just pray Kenny’s little sister imposter Lisa doesn’t show up again right before this match. I’m liable to take lives if she utters another word to me.”
“But in this state she could slip up, being so fuckin’ heated. And then I come in and set it straight. You know, save the day.” Spirit smiled a smug grin as if to say ‘hell yeah, I’m that awesome.’
“Oh yeah, you’re the level headed one now are you?”
“Compared to you?” They both laughed.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. Guys, we’re going to go into this match and show you all what a real tag team looks like. What real partners can do when they work together in the ring, and when they’ve had our kind of experience. Whether we win or lose, I guarantee that every one of you comes out of that ring with half a mind to either quit the business or go for some serious training. We’re not going to win these titles because of how bad or talentless you are. Saying that would be a lie. We’re going to win this because of how talented WE are. So please, don’t slack on us because we’re poor defenseless women. Please, let us have it.”
“We enjoy it.”
“We use it.”
“It works for us.” They pounded fists and hopped off the table simultaneously.
“Spirit, I gotta get out of here, I’ve gotta take care of some things. Practice later this afternoon, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll meet you by the locker room in a while.”
“Got it. As for you all.” Diana diverted her attention back to the camera. “Get ready to learn the real meaning of mayhem. Iceman, take that statement more literally than everyone else. Everyone else, you know what I mean. Us women will be in the kitchen, frying up some pain.” She winked at the camera as Spirit and her headed out the door and APW headed to a commercial break.
To be continued…
((I know there's a one rp limit for tag matches, but the second one's gonna be just storyline stuff, so I ain't tryin to cheat))
