Post by stj on May 24, 2008 17:21:02 GMT -4
The day before Mayhem found Diana and myself...where? Were we training our asses off? Well, no, when your biggest threat in the match is Jason Royce and Hardcore Kid (yes, that was a diss towards Sabur and Razor Ryan), you don't really need to concern yourself with getting ready. Besides which, any wrestler that hasn't finished the physical aspect of preparing for a match is going to feel sore come match day.
So where do Diana and myself go between watching sleep inducing promos from the opposition and coma threat matches from the same people? You go to White Castle with the kid, naturally. See, even us cold hearted bitch heels can be seen in a fast food restaurant for the love of the little one. Of course, because White Castle burgers are lethal to anyone over the age of nine, I had brought a salad with me, and while the staff didn't like that, they were hardly going to try and shove me out of the door, that would have been just silly of them. Seriously, were they willing to tangle with two professional wrestlers who are about to go into a TLC match for Tag Championships? They'd be just the warmup.
So Skylar was sat there eating her weight in burgers, Diana and I were being more sensible (call it survival instinct) as previously mentioned and we were enjoying what passes as a normal family meal out when bam, there it was, a camera in our faces. I turned to Diana, “How the hell do they do that?”
“The eternal mystery of the cameraman trying to fill quota.”
“I mean they get minimum wage, so it can't be any fancy expensive device.”
“Erm...I think he's here for a reason.”
I looked back towards the cameraman, was he still there? Yup. I sighed, this bugger wasn't going to go away until he had had his fill like the lecherous swine that he was, which at least put him a couple of steps up the evolutionary ladder than a man who thinks he's a cow and that 'transgender' is the world's worst insult. “Ok, I'll bite.” I stood and nodded at Diana, “I'll go abuse the camera away from innocent ears.” Pfft...Skylar, innocent with her parents? Take it from the gal that babysat her, hardly. We headed outside into the parking lot which was hardly better than the diner itself, of all the places for a camera to catch up with us...
I took a quick turn into an alley away from the bustle of the parents and kids outside and there we were, me, the camera and that was it. I didn't need legend interviewers to insult and set up for a chairshot, nor did I need a current interviewer to beat up, and somehow, I was supposed to be the bad guy in all of this, backwards, backwards fans. I rolled my eyes at the thought. I gave the camera a sick smirk as that red light started blinking, “Hey, monkeys in tvland, wake the fuck up.” ...So maybe there was something behind the whole me being the bad guy in this affair thing afterall, “This Sunday, the APW is going to see something momentous, it is going to see its first Tagteam Champions, but that's not the special thing, no, the special thing about this Sunday? It's going to see the return of That Team, Diana Steel and myself, 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs. Our record together speaks for itself so I don't need to brag about it, that's what you get when you're part of an established team, not just thrown together randomly when you start out in a federation together. See, people will look at this card and they'll see Razor Ryan and Sabur...have they done anything together? OH! They were part of that sixman tag where Tony let them know just what he thought about them. Then we have Jason Royce and 'Hardcore' Kid, wait, weren't they those jobbers that had a long feud? You know, the ones that were there so we could go to the toilet or get a drink without missing anything special. Then there's That Team, they might have an odd name, perhaps, but it's one that brings to mind everything that tagteam wrestling is about. It brings to mind two girls who have worked together for much of their professional lives, two girls who have been with each other through highs and lows, two girls who know how to win matches together. Now I said that I wouldn't brag about our achievements, but it's a matter of record that we have not lost a single match in which we've been in the ring together, they had to wait until Diana was injured and throw me in an elimination match against two other teams, each member of which had no reason to want me to stay in there with them, that is how feared we became. But this is the APW, this is a clean slate and so we're going to have to do it all over again to show you fucks just what you're dealing with.”
I leaned back against the wall that I was standing in front of, “I know what some people, those who have not seen us, are thinking. They're wondering how a team of girls can overcome not only one team that outweighs them but two teams who vastly outweigh them in a situation where everyone will be in the ring at the same time...and if they need to ask that they don't deserve me laying out the answer to them so let's get to the little butt monkeys stepping into the ring with us. You see, this is pretty laughable all in all, first we have Jason Royce and The Hardcore Kid. I'll break this down for you, these guys hated each other, they wanted to tear each others' heads off, they wanted to kill each other and the APW is only lucky they didn't both succeed. They went through match after match and somehow were even allowed to grace Rasslemania with this hashed out piece of crap that they called a feud, as if it hadn't been bad enough them taking up airtime every week on Overdrive. Then...suddenly, they become a tagteam overnight...what the fuck?” I broke into a faux cheery game show presenter voice, “Welcome to Whose team is it anyway where it's all made up and common sense don't matter. Yes, that's right, common sense is to tagteams what bicycles are to fish.” I let that line hang for a moment before scowling once more, “And do you want to know the best thing about these two? They're expecting to be able to work together as a team when first, Hardcore Kid asked for a new partner and then Jason Royce had to win his place in the match back last Overdrive. This is a team that has not won a match together and have won most of their single matches between them against each other. Now to me, that sounds like a team that's really going to go places...” Yeah, you could taste the sarcasm there.
I rolled my eyes, “Iceman, I remember your WWC days, I remember having to sit in the locker room and be bored to tears with your promos and your matches, I remember just what a no-hope never-will-be you were in those days, in fact, I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember this like it was yesterday because each and every time you come out, I am reminded of it. Now this may seem a little cruel, it may seem a little over the top, hey, the fans seem to like him better than they like me right now which goes to show just how little their opinion counts for anything. I also remember the last hardcore match that you and I had, Jason, I remember you attacking me before the match, I remember you zapping me with a tazer, handcuffing me to the ringpost and hitting me with chairshot after chairshot. I remember choking you the fuck out. Nothing has changed since then, Jason, I can take your best shots, I can take anything that you can throw at me and there is nothing that you can do to put me away. Jason, you choked in that match, literally, you passed out and that's what is going to happen again. I don't like sharing the ring with worthless pieces of crap and you are one of the worst offenders in that nature. I don't want to have to face you again, Jason, so I am going to set out to make sure that I don't have to. Jason, you suck up airtime, you suck up resources, you plain out and out suck in general.
People out there will say that I am being cruel, they will say that I am running you down, they will defend poor Jason from having to deal with the truth in my words, but they all think it. I've seen the transcripts of your matches for the internet, one guy said unfortunately for the APW roster, you didn't break your neck...because jeez, how many times have you been dropped on your head? Yes, that is just one fan, but those that boo me for saying this, they know that I am right. The roster in the back know I'm right. Your own partner knows that I am right, he requested a different partner and was desperate enough that he agreed when Jeff said it would be the next person that walked on by, hell, what did he do to you in his promo, Jason? He threw a chair at you so that you would fall off a ladder and through a table, now ask yourself, if it was such a good idea, why wasn't it him that went through that? I speak my mind, Jason, and I don't have to moderate it to fit anyone's view of me. People might say that I am being cruel, Jason, but in reality I am being cruel to be kind, I am being cruel so that you learn now, before it has to be driven into you, that you do not belong here, that you are only going to get hurt. You are going to be embarrassed over and over again, you are going to be beaten down to the mat over and over again, you are going to be hurt beyond the imagination of many over and over again until someone puts you out of your misery, or you do the best thing for your health and go back to flipping burgers on that two bit corner that your ass was dragged from all those years ago. Have you understood the message yet, Jason? You're a joke, no, you are worse than that, you are pathetic.”
I stretched my shoulders, working out the tension within them, “Jason, I am sure that you will say that things have changed since I beat you to a bloody pulp, wrapped a chain around your fat greasy throat and made you pass out to the KaotiK Konvulsions that racked your body. But I want you to remember that day, Jason, because if you've improved, just a little bit, you still haven't closed the gulf between us and that would be assuming that I stayed where I was back then. Do yourself a favour and save yourself the beating that is to come, don't bother turning up. If you turn up, I am going to make it my mission to ensure that you never turn up again, I hope you understand this. You are one tenacious son of a bitch, Jason, you are hard to get rid of, but then so is the shit on the bottom of your shoe, eventually though, it's not even a memory. You are that shit at the bottom of the shoe and no one will remember you when you are gone.”
With Jason out of the way, I turned my thoughts to his partner, “Hardcore Kid, I may have spent all of this time ragging on your partner, but at the very least, he doesn't pretend to be someone's ally and make him a laughing stock, at least he doesn't put his so called friend through the shit that you are willing to do to him. This is why you are going to lose, kid, because you two are not a true tagteam, the only reason that the management allowed you to tag up at all? It was for the same reasons as they booked you in matches against each other, they get you out of the way both at the same time. They use you so that they get, laughably, their money's worth...I guess they get what they pay for. I once respected you, kid, I mean you were never original, you were never what would be called a top draw, you were never really something that I'd turn onto APW progr...wait, did I say I respected you? I made my thoughts on you clear when the two of us met, kid, you're nothing. I mean you can do your hair up like Sean Waltman and you can call yourself Kid and put Hardcore in front of it instead of 1-2-3, but you will never be quite like him...wait, I lie again, he sucked too. At least when you were with Vinnie Hardcore, you were somewhere near credible, you had someone who could carry your ass and you'd maybe win one or two. In fact, put Vinnie in with you in this match and I would be a little, just a little more worried, but you are carrying your partner and you can barely carry yourself unloaded.
Kid, there is nothing smart about putting Hardcore in front of your name, because when you meet people who know what Hardcore is all about, then you get that moniker shoved down your throat to wash down the taste of your own blood. Again, what we have done in other federations means nothing, but you are talking to someone that had eleven hardcore matches in nine weeks, three of them inside a cage for a tournament the final of which involved a ladder. I am one of those that can take hardcore past the cookie trays and fluorescent lights that amateurs like to think is hardcore before I leaven them drowning in a pool of their own blood. You are not just going to be hit by a chair, go through a table or be shattered by a ladder when you're in the ring with me, you're going to have it all done to you tenfold and you're going to have it done to you by two people that are very proficient in dealing out pain with whatever took comes to hand. See, I am a street kid, I know what it is to truly fight for your life, Diana was born in new York, enough said. I might go by the tag The Dark Paladin right now, but I used to have another tagname, one that was given to me with my Hardcore matches in mind, the Matriarch of UltraViolence, it is that woman that you are going to see in the ring come Mayhem, that woman that is going to beat you into the bloody pulp of one that, if you survive, might just earn you that moniker. Of course, you have to survive first.”
After running his name through the dirt in general, I thought about his promo for a moment, “You and Jason Royce are indeed the underdogs, kid, there is a reason for that. Individually, you suck, as a tagteam, you suck more. This isn't a fairytale, kid, and this ain't a Western, the white hats ain't going to come through against all odds, I got my black hat and I'm going to mow right through you. I am going to mow right through you because there is no other way that this can go, Diana didn't steal that win from you, she took what was rightfully hers, because she is smart, she is a powerful wrestler and she is that much better than you, as am I. The one thing that you got right, kid, was about me, I am one sick and crazy bitch and I am going to have a fucking ball in this match, it's my kind of thing. There's one thing and one thing only that makes me giggle like a little girl and that is having no restrictions, absolutely none in which to tear a deserving bum like you from limb to limb. No, seriously, it makes me giggle, just not on camera because before you know it it's all that would be on youtube about me. As for bringing us all to hell, I have lived there, two years on the street, much of my career spent in matches more violent than the one we are preparing for now, so I put this to you, kid, welcome to my hell, welcome to your worst nightmare. I will truly drag you to hell and I will leave you there. Go back to kindergarten with the rest of the kids before you get hurt.”
I stepped out of the alley and into the carpark before turning back to the camera, “Oh, I nearly forgot...there's Sabur and Razor Ryan, well, they are just that forgettable. They might have had a chance to be something if they'd have stuck out as Revolution X, however unoriginal it is to act like degenerates and crotchchop your opponent, however played their line was, they alone with Lively and Li'l Dick had a chance, but they decided that they couldn't do it alone and in that alone, they lost all of my respect. In choosing to join Trevor, well, they lost any chance of getting it back. You see, I know that Diana said this, but there is a reason that he is called the Career Killer and it isn't because of what he does to his opponents. But that's enough on that rant, I was trying to figure something out, perhaps you can help me. You see, I just don't know why the crowd cheer you. Yes, I am a bitch, I am someone that riles the crowd up, Diana the CoK as a whole and I rub people the wrong way, but we don't pretend. We tell things as they are, yet you, now this is where I'm confused, you're the 'good guys' in all of this yet you beat up random interviewers, you [play second fiddle to the most self-serving bastard in this business, and the crowd lap it right up. If you figure it out, let me know, please, because it's damn confusing.”
I walked back towards the camera, this time the other side of the alley. People were starting to recognise me and call out one thing or another, some good, some bad, but that didn't matter to me, “Razor Ryan is an example of this, he is supposed to be this big face in a stable of faces, yet he is obnoxious, he makes claims that he has done nothing to back up, newsflash Ryan, last time you, me, Diana and Sabur stepped into the ring, the 'most dominant team in the APW' as you like to call yourselves were on the losing end, and you beat up interviewers. Now, I am not going to go on a rant about beating up women, Diana and myself are women and that rant only backs up Sabur's misogynist words, but if you think beating up an interviewer, someone who is not a trained wrestler, makes you look good, it doesn't. Back in my day, those were the people you booed. It is also no reflection of how you will find Diana and myself being as we are trained athletes and all. Ryan, I have said it about you before and I will say it again, this is how many chances at a title for you? You have choked every single time before now, tell me what will be different this time around. You are a choke artist, Ryan, oh, you are a talented wrestler in your day, but in the big dance, where it matters, you choke. And that is where Diana and my past achievements do have meaning, we have been to the big dance and won, we don't choke because there is a title on the line, we go out there and we do our jobs.”
I rolled my eyes as I thought of the rest of Sabur's promo other than his mention of past success, “And that leads me to your partner, one of the most short sighted wrestlers in this business. He doesn't see how he is just the, how should we say this, the comic relief, the sad thing is he is getting less and less funny as time goes on. See, it is the way with all good comics, the first time you hear their material, you laugh, but then they use the same material again and again and again and you end up finishing their jokes for them and they just lose their charm. Then, in desperation, they go with new material but it just isn't funny any more, or it's the same as an Avril Lavigne song, someone did it better and they weren't called before it was jacked. Justin Job did the whole misogynist thing, it wasn't funny then but he never had to drop to the level of calling Diana or anyone else a cunt, I am going to ram that so deep down your throat, Sabur, that it will fill your mouth before Trevor's dick does the job. And then there's that whole transvestite thing, again. This is exactly what I was talking about with the old material thing, it wasn't that funny the first time, but then you faced me again and used it again, then a third time...when I told you at the very start that being as I know I'm all natural, my girlfriend and anyone close to me knows I am all natural and my sister has the unfortunate baby and toddler photos she blackmails me with, what you say on the issue doesn't matter any. You are like a seven year old that has heard a new insult and can't wait to use it on all of his mates, it's cute, but it's about time you've grown out of it. But then no one takes you seriously, that's the whole point, you are the comic relief.”
I rolled my eyes and started walking back towards the, for the lack of a better work, restaurant, “See, you can't get past this thing that Diana and I are girls, you even try to justify losing to us by saying that I must have been born a guy, it's the only way your fragile ego can cope. See, Diana and I have been fighting men like you for four years, more often than not, we've come out on top because we are better wrestlers, it is that simple. We are better wrestlers, we are a better tagteam, and at our age, I mean fuck I'm twenty, we are not washed up in the slightest. In that ring, there are not men and women, there are wrestlers, there are those that are talented and those that do not have what it takes, Diana and I fall into the former category, you fall into the latter. Moo away, cowboy, go join Hardcore Kid in that little Western of his, I am sure that he can find room for you in his cowpoke.”
I walked back into the restaurant and gestured for the camera to follow as I sat back down at the table and picked up my little plastic fork, prodding at my salad, “Together, as I have said, Diana and I have not lost a single match. We aren't going to say we're doing this for the girls, we're doing it for ourselves...”
“And the girls.”
“Ok, and the girls. We are going to show you Sabur, Razor Ryan, Hardcore Kid, Jason Royce, that we are not going to lie down for anyone, that we are the same dominant force that we have always been. So you'd better watch out because Diana's bringing it all.”
“She's bringing it double.”
“And that is a Cold Hard Fact!”
That last came from Skylar who knows my old lines by heart, I laughed and ruffled her hair, “That it is, girl, that it is.” I turned my head away from the camera, speared a portion of cucumber and bit into it before looking back at the cameraman, “You're still here?”
And yeah, that's where you fade to black.
So where do Diana and myself go between watching sleep inducing promos from the opposition and coma threat matches from the same people? You go to White Castle with the kid, naturally. See, even us cold hearted bitch heels can be seen in a fast food restaurant for the love of the little one. Of course, because White Castle burgers are lethal to anyone over the age of nine, I had brought a salad with me, and while the staff didn't like that, they were hardly going to try and shove me out of the door, that would have been just silly of them. Seriously, were they willing to tangle with two professional wrestlers who are about to go into a TLC match for Tag Championships? They'd be just the warmup.
So Skylar was sat there eating her weight in burgers, Diana and I were being more sensible (call it survival instinct) as previously mentioned and we were enjoying what passes as a normal family meal out when bam, there it was, a camera in our faces. I turned to Diana, “How the hell do they do that?”
“The eternal mystery of the cameraman trying to fill quota.”
“I mean they get minimum wage, so it can't be any fancy expensive device.”
“Erm...I think he's here for a reason.”
I looked back towards the cameraman, was he still there? Yup. I sighed, this bugger wasn't going to go away until he had had his fill like the lecherous swine that he was, which at least put him a couple of steps up the evolutionary ladder than a man who thinks he's a cow and that 'transgender' is the world's worst insult. “Ok, I'll bite.” I stood and nodded at Diana, “I'll go abuse the camera away from innocent ears.” Pfft...Skylar, innocent with her parents? Take it from the gal that babysat her, hardly. We headed outside into the parking lot which was hardly better than the diner itself, of all the places for a camera to catch up with us...
I took a quick turn into an alley away from the bustle of the parents and kids outside and there we were, me, the camera and that was it. I didn't need legend interviewers to insult and set up for a chairshot, nor did I need a current interviewer to beat up, and somehow, I was supposed to be the bad guy in all of this, backwards, backwards fans. I rolled my eyes at the thought. I gave the camera a sick smirk as that red light started blinking, “Hey, monkeys in tvland, wake the fuck up.” ...So maybe there was something behind the whole me being the bad guy in this affair thing afterall, “This Sunday, the APW is going to see something momentous, it is going to see its first Tagteam Champions, but that's not the special thing, no, the special thing about this Sunday? It's going to see the return of That Team, Diana Steel and myself, 'Spirit' Tara Jacobs. Our record together speaks for itself so I don't need to brag about it, that's what you get when you're part of an established team, not just thrown together randomly when you start out in a federation together. See, people will look at this card and they'll see Razor Ryan and Sabur...have they done anything together? OH! They were part of that sixman tag where Tony let them know just what he thought about them. Then we have Jason Royce and 'Hardcore' Kid, wait, weren't they those jobbers that had a long feud? You know, the ones that were there so we could go to the toilet or get a drink without missing anything special. Then there's That Team, they might have an odd name, perhaps, but it's one that brings to mind everything that tagteam wrestling is about. It brings to mind two girls who have worked together for much of their professional lives, two girls who have been with each other through highs and lows, two girls who know how to win matches together. Now I said that I wouldn't brag about our achievements, but it's a matter of record that we have not lost a single match in which we've been in the ring together, they had to wait until Diana was injured and throw me in an elimination match against two other teams, each member of which had no reason to want me to stay in there with them, that is how feared we became. But this is the APW, this is a clean slate and so we're going to have to do it all over again to show you fucks just what you're dealing with.”
I leaned back against the wall that I was standing in front of, “I know what some people, those who have not seen us, are thinking. They're wondering how a team of girls can overcome not only one team that outweighs them but two teams who vastly outweigh them in a situation where everyone will be in the ring at the same time...and if they need to ask that they don't deserve me laying out the answer to them so let's get to the little butt monkeys stepping into the ring with us. You see, this is pretty laughable all in all, first we have Jason Royce and The Hardcore Kid. I'll break this down for you, these guys hated each other, they wanted to tear each others' heads off, they wanted to kill each other and the APW is only lucky they didn't both succeed. They went through match after match and somehow were even allowed to grace Rasslemania with this hashed out piece of crap that they called a feud, as if it hadn't been bad enough them taking up airtime every week on Overdrive. Then...suddenly, they become a tagteam overnight...what the fuck?” I broke into a faux cheery game show presenter voice, “Welcome to Whose team is it anyway where it's all made up and common sense don't matter. Yes, that's right, common sense is to tagteams what bicycles are to fish.” I let that line hang for a moment before scowling once more, “And do you want to know the best thing about these two? They're expecting to be able to work together as a team when first, Hardcore Kid asked for a new partner and then Jason Royce had to win his place in the match back last Overdrive. This is a team that has not won a match together and have won most of their single matches between them against each other. Now to me, that sounds like a team that's really going to go places...” Yeah, you could taste the sarcasm there.
I rolled my eyes, “Iceman, I remember your WWC days, I remember having to sit in the locker room and be bored to tears with your promos and your matches, I remember just what a no-hope never-will-be you were in those days, in fact, I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember this like it was yesterday because each and every time you come out, I am reminded of it. Now this may seem a little cruel, it may seem a little over the top, hey, the fans seem to like him better than they like me right now which goes to show just how little their opinion counts for anything. I also remember the last hardcore match that you and I had, Jason, I remember you attacking me before the match, I remember you zapping me with a tazer, handcuffing me to the ringpost and hitting me with chairshot after chairshot. I remember choking you the fuck out. Nothing has changed since then, Jason, I can take your best shots, I can take anything that you can throw at me and there is nothing that you can do to put me away. Jason, you choked in that match, literally, you passed out and that's what is going to happen again. I don't like sharing the ring with worthless pieces of crap and you are one of the worst offenders in that nature. I don't want to have to face you again, Jason, so I am going to set out to make sure that I don't have to. Jason, you suck up airtime, you suck up resources, you plain out and out suck in general.
People out there will say that I am being cruel, they will say that I am running you down, they will defend poor Jason from having to deal with the truth in my words, but they all think it. I've seen the transcripts of your matches for the internet, one guy said unfortunately for the APW roster, you didn't break your neck...because jeez, how many times have you been dropped on your head? Yes, that is just one fan, but those that boo me for saying this, they know that I am right. The roster in the back know I'm right. Your own partner knows that I am right, he requested a different partner and was desperate enough that he agreed when Jeff said it would be the next person that walked on by, hell, what did he do to you in his promo, Jason? He threw a chair at you so that you would fall off a ladder and through a table, now ask yourself, if it was such a good idea, why wasn't it him that went through that? I speak my mind, Jason, and I don't have to moderate it to fit anyone's view of me. People might say that I am being cruel, Jason, but in reality I am being cruel to be kind, I am being cruel so that you learn now, before it has to be driven into you, that you do not belong here, that you are only going to get hurt. You are going to be embarrassed over and over again, you are going to be beaten down to the mat over and over again, you are going to be hurt beyond the imagination of many over and over again until someone puts you out of your misery, or you do the best thing for your health and go back to flipping burgers on that two bit corner that your ass was dragged from all those years ago. Have you understood the message yet, Jason? You're a joke, no, you are worse than that, you are pathetic.”
I stretched my shoulders, working out the tension within them, “Jason, I am sure that you will say that things have changed since I beat you to a bloody pulp, wrapped a chain around your fat greasy throat and made you pass out to the KaotiK Konvulsions that racked your body. But I want you to remember that day, Jason, because if you've improved, just a little bit, you still haven't closed the gulf between us and that would be assuming that I stayed where I was back then. Do yourself a favour and save yourself the beating that is to come, don't bother turning up. If you turn up, I am going to make it my mission to ensure that you never turn up again, I hope you understand this. You are one tenacious son of a bitch, Jason, you are hard to get rid of, but then so is the shit on the bottom of your shoe, eventually though, it's not even a memory. You are that shit at the bottom of the shoe and no one will remember you when you are gone.”
With Jason out of the way, I turned my thoughts to his partner, “Hardcore Kid, I may have spent all of this time ragging on your partner, but at the very least, he doesn't pretend to be someone's ally and make him a laughing stock, at least he doesn't put his so called friend through the shit that you are willing to do to him. This is why you are going to lose, kid, because you two are not a true tagteam, the only reason that the management allowed you to tag up at all? It was for the same reasons as they booked you in matches against each other, they get you out of the way both at the same time. They use you so that they get, laughably, their money's worth...I guess they get what they pay for. I once respected you, kid, I mean you were never original, you were never what would be called a top draw, you were never really something that I'd turn onto APW progr...wait, did I say I respected you? I made my thoughts on you clear when the two of us met, kid, you're nothing. I mean you can do your hair up like Sean Waltman and you can call yourself Kid and put Hardcore in front of it instead of 1-2-3, but you will never be quite like him...wait, I lie again, he sucked too. At least when you were with Vinnie Hardcore, you were somewhere near credible, you had someone who could carry your ass and you'd maybe win one or two. In fact, put Vinnie in with you in this match and I would be a little, just a little more worried, but you are carrying your partner and you can barely carry yourself unloaded.
Kid, there is nothing smart about putting Hardcore in front of your name, because when you meet people who know what Hardcore is all about, then you get that moniker shoved down your throat to wash down the taste of your own blood. Again, what we have done in other federations means nothing, but you are talking to someone that had eleven hardcore matches in nine weeks, three of them inside a cage for a tournament the final of which involved a ladder. I am one of those that can take hardcore past the cookie trays and fluorescent lights that amateurs like to think is hardcore before I leaven them drowning in a pool of their own blood. You are not just going to be hit by a chair, go through a table or be shattered by a ladder when you're in the ring with me, you're going to have it all done to you tenfold and you're going to have it done to you by two people that are very proficient in dealing out pain with whatever took comes to hand. See, I am a street kid, I know what it is to truly fight for your life, Diana was born in new York, enough said. I might go by the tag The Dark Paladin right now, but I used to have another tagname, one that was given to me with my Hardcore matches in mind, the Matriarch of UltraViolence, it is that woman that you are going to see in the ring come Mayhem, that woman that is going to beat you into the bloody pulp of one that, if you survive, might just earn you that moniker. Of course, you have to survive first.”
After running his name through the dirt in general, I thought about his promo for a moment, “You and Jason Royce are indeed the underdogs, kid, there is a reason for that. Individually, you suck, as a tagteam, you suck more. This isn't a fairytale, kid, and this ain't a Western, the white hats ain't going to come through against all odds, I got my black hat and I'm going to mow right through you. I am going to mow right through you because there is no other way that this can go, Diana didn't steal that win from you, she took what was rightfully hers, because she is smart, she is a powerful wrestler and she is that much better than you, as am I. The one thing that you got right, kid, was about me, I am one sick and crazy bitch and I am going to have a fucking ball in this match, it's my kind of thing. There's one thing and one thing only that makes me giggle like a little girl and that is having no restrictions, absolutely none in which to tear a deserving bum like you from limb to limb. No, seriously, it makes me giggle, just not on camera because before you know it it's all that would be on youtube about me. As for bringing us all to hell, I have lived there, two years on the street, much of my career spent in matches more violent than the one we are preparing for now, so I put this to you, kid, welcome to my hell, welcome to your worst nightmare. I will truly drag you to hell and I will leave you there. Go back to kindergarten with the rest of the kids before you get hurt.”
I stepped out of the alley and into the carpark before turning back to the camera, “Oh, I nearly forgot...there's Sabur and Razor Ryan, well, they are just that forgettable. They might have had a chance to be something if they'd have stuck out as Revolution X, however unoriginal it is to act like degenerates and crotchchop your opponent, however played their line was, they alone with Lively and Li'l Dick had a chance, but they decided that they couldn't do it alone and in that alone, they lost all of my respect. In choosing to join Trevor, well, they lost any chance of getting it back. You see, I know that Diana said this, but there is a reason that he is called the Career Killer and it isn't because of what he does to his opponents. But that's enough on that rant, I was trying to figure something out, perhaps you can help me. You see, I just don't know why the crowd cheer you. Yes, I am a bitch, I am someone that riles the crowd up, Diana the CoK as a whole and I rub people the wrong way, but we don't pretend. We tell things as they are, yet you, now this is where I'm confused, you're the 'good guys' in all of this yet you beat up random interviewers, you [play second fiddle to the most self-serving bastard in this business, and the crowd lap it right up. If you figure it out, let me know, please, because it's damn confusing.”
I walked back towards the camera, this time the other side of the alley. People were starting to recognise me and call out one thing or another, some good, some bad, but that didn't matter to me, “Razor Ryan is an example of this, he is supposed to be this big face in a stable of faces, yet he is obnoxious, he makes claims that he has done nothing to back up, newsflash Ryan, last time you, me, Diana and Sabur stepped into the ring, the 'most dominant team in the APW' as you like to call yourselves were on the losing end, and you beat up interviewers. Now, I am not going to go on a rant about beating up women, Diana and myself are women and that rant only backs up Sabur's misogynist words, but if you think beating up an interviewer, someone who is not a trained wrestler, makes you look good, it doesn't. Back in my day, those were the people you booed. It is also no reflection of how you will find Diana and myself being as we are trained athletes and all. Ryan, I have said it about you before and I will say it again, this is how many chances at a title for you? You have choked every single time before now, tell me what will be different this time around. You are a choke artist, Ryan, oh, you are a talented wrestler in your day, but in the big dance, where it matters, you choke. And that is where Diana and my past achievements do have meaning, we have been to the big dance and won, we don't choke because there is a title on the line, we go out there and we do our jobs.”
I rolled my eyes as I thought of the rest of Sabur's promo other than his mention of past success, “And that leads me to your partner, one of the most short sighted wrestlers in this business. He doesn't see how he is just the, how should we say this, the comic relief, the sad thing is he is getting less and less funny as time goes on. See, it is the way with all good comics, the first time you hear their material, you laugh, but then they use the same material again and again and again and you end up finishing their jokes for them and they just lose their charm. Then, in desperation, they go with new material but it just isn't funny any more, or it's the same as an Avril Lavigne song, someone did it better and they weren't called before it was jacked. Justin Job did the whole misogynist thing, it wasn't funny then but he never had to drop to the level of calling Diana or anyone else a cunt, I am going to ram that so deep down your throat, Sabur, that it will fill your mouth before Trevor's dick does the job. And then there's that whole transvestite thing, again. This is exactly what I was talking about with the old material thing, it wasn't that funny the first time, but then you faced me again and used it again, then a third time...when I told you at the very start that being as I know I'm all natural, my girlfriend and anyone close to me knows I am all natural and my sister has the unfortunate baby and toddler photos she blackmails me with, what you say on the issue doesn't matter any. You are like a seven year old that has heard a new insult and can't wait to use it on all of his mates, it's cute, but it's about time you've grown out of it. But then no one takes you seriously, that's the whole point, you are the comic relief.”
I rolled my eyes and started walking back towards the, for the lack of a better work, restaurant, “See, you can't get past this thing that Diana and I are girls, you even try to justify losing to us by saying that I must have been born a guy, it's the only way your fragile ego can cope. See, Diana and I have been fighting men like you for four years, more often than not, we've come out on top because we are better wrestlers, it is that simple. We are better wrestlers, we are a better tagteam, and at our age, I mean fuck I'm twenty, we are not washed up in the slightest. In that ring, there are not men and women, there are wrestlers, there are those that are talented and those that do not have what it takes, Diana and I fall into the former category, you fall into the latter. Moo away, cowboy, go join Hardcore Kid in that little Western of his, I am sure that he can find room for you in his cowpoke.”
I walked back into the restaurant and gestured for the camera to follow as I sat back down at the table and picked up my little plastic fork, prodding at my salad, “Together, as I have said, Diana and I have not lost a single match. We aren't going to say we're doing this for the girls, we're doing it for ourselves...”
“And the girls.”
“Ok, and the girls. We are going to show you Sabur, Razor Ryan, Hardcore Kid, Jason Royce, that we are not going to lie down for anyone, that we are the same dominant force that we have always been. So you'd better watch out because Diana's bringing it all.”
“She's bringing it double.”
“And that is a Cold Hard Fact!”
That last came from Skylar who knows my old lines by heart, I laughed and ruffled her hair, “That it is, girl, that it is.” I turned my head away from the camera, speared a portion of cucumber and bit into it before looking back at the cameraman, “You're still here?”
And yeah, that's where you fade to black.
