Post by Kid Dynamo on Jan 6, 2012 19:54:03 GMT -4
The scene opens up with more homemade-looking grainy camera work. Through the mild shaking we can decipher a few things: our hero is on a commercial airplane, a pencil in his hand as he writes notes then absent-mindedly places it in his mouth as he watches something on his laptop, which we can't tell what is playing. Fortunately, our hero is mumbling out loud what he is writing down:
...bridge german suplex...find a counter...flip doesn't work
...first Hangover...too early...suicide dive to outside man better...
...fans seem to like Crossface on woman...
...must improve awareness in multi-person match...
...figure out counter move for Shining Wizard...
...improve flow from Double-Arm DDT to CTO...got lucky that Boyer turned out to be a wimp...
Suddenly, our hero closes the laptop and moves it out of view. the camera starts to shift as if being picked up and now we get a close-up of our hero looking right into the camera.
I hope you were taking notes too, Dairy Queen, because THAT is how you cut a non-promo promo, you overcompensating idiot. Now, I'm tired, only hours removed from my first-ever televised match, so I'm going to close this by simply saying: "Never forget what you really are." More on that tomorrow...
The camera turns off.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!
---
The scene opens up again in hi-definition. Kid Dynamo stands in front of a green-screen; you can tell because "#end0fthew0rld" is shifting position, size, and font like a screen saver behind him. He is wearing his trademark wrestling pants with lightning on one side and "DYNAMO" down the other, and his T-shirt simply has his "EW" hand gesture on it.
Let me issue a reminder of my quest: I intend to bring an end to the stupor that pro wrestling has fallen into. I speak for many wrestlers when I say "we can do better".
That out of the way, I am proud to let you know what my number one pet peeve is when it comes to my brethren: Insulting the fans' intelligence. I am so sick of when wrestlers forget who they are and, instead of fixing their problem, try to drag the audience down with them.
Case in point: Dairy Queen. You see, he, like me, is a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. He's not an assassin or a serial killer or anything like that. He's also not Brad Pitt. So, WHY ON EARTH should I give an OUNCE of credit to a guy who spends HIS ENTIRE PROMO on some poorly-acted scene where he ends up potentially facing assault charges? Now, I won't ask the obvious question - DO YOU THINK THE FANS ARE STUPID - because, well, you want people to hate you. Just like I thrive on the cheers of the crowd, you thrive on the boos, so I get that you will answer me in the affirmative. But, don't forget Dan, you aren't fighting the fans, you are fighting the fans' diplomat, their ambassador. I'm not their champion yet...I think that's still Gates for now. But you can count on one hand the number of people that care as much or more about the audience as me. Do I want to win? OF COURSE I DO, but if I win a boring match that isn't worth watching, then I might as well be a boxer or MMA fighter as opposed to a member of the greatest sport in the world: professional wrestling.
You know who else you aren't fighting? A pipsqueak who joined a sparring club probably because Jay Glazer mentioned it on Fox Sports. EVEN IF I was to go with you and pretend to buy that terrible bit that made the actors of MAD TV turn up their nose, why on EARTH would you think I'd spend ONE SECOND being intimidated or concerned because you beat up an untrained cubicle dweller? I have nothing against guys like that, but let's be honest: there's a HUGE difference between the recreational fighter and the professional.
I mean, this is just EMBARASSING, Dairy Queen! AAAGGHHH! I don't like screaming this much during a promo but I am starting to lose my mind at how badly you are insulting my intelligence and that of the fans. Like I said last night - though I guess you only heard it a few minutes ago. Gotta love editing - "Never forget what you really are." You are a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. Your job is to compete in a combative sport against a similarly-trained professional. So, just like the Saints wouldn't brag about beating a group of football players from Bally's, don't waste my time with your scripted psychiatrists and "potential charges". I don't care about you facing jail time. I just care about you facing me in the Tap Out Challenge.
THAT'S RIGHT, ladies and gentlemen! The Survive and Conquer match is not enough! I am also competing in a Round Robin tournament to crown a new APW Tapout champion. So, this upcoming contest against Dan Quinn isn't just about retribution for that attack on New Year's Day in my hometown - more on that later - but it's about winning my first match en route to being the most ironic Tap Out Champion in history. (NOTE FROM NARRATOR: Dynamo would not admit it out loud - he trusts the fans to understand - but in case you don't, the irony is that he'd be the Tap Out champion whose finisher is "Can't Tap Out")
See...there's something about that Asylum on the 15th that is really special to me, and not just because it's my Asylum debut. You know, guys, I get it. I am a rookie in this place and, as much as I'd like to lean on my accolades of the past, they're practically irrelevant because EVERYONE has accolades that matter to them. It's all about what happens in Action Packed Wrestling.
So, that said, how did two guys with a combined record of 1-0 end up at the end of the card, almost the main event, trumped only by Jason Kash's continued quest to regain the World Title?
It's simple. My plan is working.
To help elucidate such a bold statement, let me inject a clip from the movie Mission Impossible II.
The feed cuts from our hero to the opening of the movie.
"Well, Dmitri...Every search for a hero must begin with something which every hero requires, a villain."
The video pauses 45 seconds in, the quotation of pertinence emitted. The feed cuts back to our hero.
Do you get it, yet, Quinn? Fine. Let's try this a different way. Let me tell you a story about a young British wrestler. We'll call him "DQ". See, this wrestler's Christmas present was a phone call from Action Packed Wrestling. Even though he didn't really have the credentials or experience that APW would prefer from its newcomers, there is potential, and APW is lacking in monster-like performers so DQ fit a niche of need.
Now, DQ was excited, as he should be. This is an opportunity not afforded to everyone. So, when he was sent to his first house show gig, he decided to cut a promo before that, bring it with him to the event so that APW producers could send it to the website, where APW fans can witness promos hyping future matches.
But, GOOD LORD, that promo was terrible. I mean, can we all admit that "your bones will be broken" and "I don't care about winning; just hurting people" has been done to death by a LOT of rookies? Guys who usually never make it to their second year...for a reason.
So at the end of chapter 1, DQ basically took the potential that got him hired and, ALMOST, washed it down the drain.
Chapter Two: Enter Dynamo.
The second chapter of this story involves a dashing thirty-something veteran who had a mission when he was signed to APW. That mission: to make other around him better, to have the best matches in APW history and to elevate the overall quality of the most popular pro wrestling organization in the world. The millions of people that tune in to APW Asylum and Overdrive deserve the best pro wrestling that has ever occurred, and that's what this guy wanted to provide. We'll call him "The Legacy".
So, Legacy wanted to prove his point; he wanted to show just what he could accomplish when a wrestler stops thinking only of himself and starts to figure out how to make not only himself the best possible combatant, but also his opponent, because, "every hero needs a villain".
That's where Legacy and DQ intersected. Legacy cut his own promo tearing DQ to shreds - AS HE DESERVED - and, suddenly, there is animosity. DQ and Legacy trade barbs back and forth as they continue to dominate house show competition. Then, finally, Legacy wins the war of words by causing DQ to take action.
Chapter 3: The Monster I Created
On January 1st, DQ attacked The Legacy on television, officially sparking marked interest in the feud. But, even though DQ got the first few shots, the end of the fight was a vicious superkick that knocked DQ senseless and allowed for security to end the brawl and save the rest of the combat for an ordained contest.
That's a great story, isn't it, but I bet you still don't see the point. The point is this: YOU WERE NOTHING BEFORE I TARGETED YOU. Not just a rookie who hadn't accomplished anything - that's all I was, too - but, no, you had no potential, you had no desire to be anything more than a Human Punch Machine, and your career was heading straight for the slow track. "Ho hum, another Dan Quinn versus a nobody match". You were going to be the heavyweight version of Zach Rodell.
But I saved you. I rebuilt you. Now, you are the monster that APW saw in you, now you are competing for a title that actually denotes you as a decent wrestler and not just a "brawler". Most importantly, you are going to get to debut in the final half-hour of the show. Our match between two Asylum rookies has gone from what would have almost definitely been a show-opener to a semi-main event with Tapout Championship implications.
And, it's all because of me. It's all because I took the initiative to take you and build you into a person worth being on APW TV. I gave you the aggression to not only attack me a week ago, but ALSO to come out on Overdrive and spew venom in my general direction the night that I successfully defeated three other competitors.
I turned you into the villain that a hero like me requires. I turned this match into an epic confrontation of good versus evil. Most importantly, I have created something that fans are looking forward to. That audience, the thousands in the arena and the millions tuning in, will be watching, waiting for that beautiful moment, that final resolution when the evil villain is vanquished, in this case by a CTO.
Remember, Dairy Queen, when the hero faces the villain, no matter how strong, the hero ultimately wins. The fans at Asylum are in for an exciting confrontation, but for you...
...it's the End 0f the W0rld!
The scene fades to a full-screen graphic with the APW Tapout Championship; above the title are the words:
KID DYNAMO'S TAPOUT CHALLENGE
centered within the main plate of the championship displays "0-0" and below are his twitter tags:
@kiddynamoapw #end0fthew0rld
And yes, those are zeroes not O's.
...bridge german suplex...find a counter...flip doesn't work
...first Hangover...too early...suicide dive to outside man better...
...fans seem to like Crossface on woman...
...must improve awareness in multi-person match...
...figure out counter move for Shining Wizard...
...improve flow from Double-Arm DDT to CTO...got lucky that Boyer turned out to be a wimp...
Suddenly, our hero closes the laptop and moves it out of view. the camera starts to shift as if being picked up and now we get a close-up of our hero looking right into the camera.
I hope you were taking notes too, Dairy Queen, because THAT is how you cut a non-promo promo, you overcompensating idiot. Now, I'm tired, only hours removed from my first-ever televised match, so I'm going to close this by simply saying: "Never forget what you really are." More on that tomorrow...
The camera turns off.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!
---
The scene opens up again in hi-definition. Kid Dynamo stands in front of a green-screen; you can tell because "#end0fthew0rld" is shifting position, size, and font like a screen saver behind him. He is wearing his trademark wrestling pants with lightning on one side and "DYNAMO" down the other, and his T-shirt simply has his "EW" hand gesture on it.
Let me issue a reminder of my quest: I intend to bring an end to the stupor that pro wrestling has fallen into. I speak for many wrestlers when I say "we can do better".
That out of the way, I am proud to let you know what my number one pet peeve is when it comes to my brethren: Insulting the fans' intelligence. I am so sick of when wrestlers forget who they are and, instead of fixing their problem, try to drag the audience down with them.
Case in point: Dairy Queen. You see, he, like me, is a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. He's not an assassin or a serial killer or anything like that. He's also not Brad Pitt. So, WHY ON EARTH should I give an OUNCE of credit to a guy who spends HIS ENTIRE PROMO on some poorly-acted scene where he ends up potentially facing assault charges? Now, I won't ask the obvious question - DO YOU THINK THE FANS ARE STUPID - because, well, you want people to hate you. Just like I thrive on the cheers of the crowd, you thrive on the boos, so I get that you will answer me in the affirmative. But, don't forget Dan, you aren't fighting the fans, you are fighting the fans' diplomat, their ambassador. I'm not their champion yet...I think that's still Gates for now. But you can count on one hand the number of people that care as much or more about the audience as me. Do I want to win? OF COURSE I DO, but if I win a boring match that isn't worth watching, then I might as well be a boxer or MMA fighter as opposed to a member of the greatest sport in the world: professional wrestling.
You know who else you aren't fighting? A pipsqueak who joined a sparring club probably because Jay Glazer mentioned it on Fox Sports. EVEN IF I was to go with you and pretend to buy that terrible bit that made the actors of MAD TV turn up their nose, why on EARTH would you think I'd spend ONE SECOND being intimidated or concerned because you beat up an untrained cubicle dweller? I have nothing against guys like that, but let's be honest: there's a HUGE difference between the recreational fighter and the professional.
I mean, this is just EMBARASSING, Dairy Queen! AAAGGHHH! I don't like screaming this much during a promo but I am starting to lose my mind at how badly you are insulting my intelligence and that of the fans. Like I said last night - though I guess you only heard it a few minutes ago. Gotta love editing - "Never forget what you really are." You are a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. Your job is to compete in a combative sport against a similarly-trained professional. So, just like the Saints wouldn't brag about beating a group of football players from Bally's, don't waste my time with your scripted psychiatrists and "potential charges". I don't care about you facing jail time. I just care about you facing me in the Tap Out Challenge.
THAT'S RIGHT, ladies and gentlemen! The Survive and Conquer match is not enough! I am also competing in a Round Robin tournament to crown a new APW Tapout champion. So, this upcoming contest against Dan Quinn isn't just about retribution for that attack on New Year's Day in my hometown - more on that later - but it's about winning my first match en route to being the most ironic Tap Out Champion in history. (NOTE FROM NARRATOR: Dynamo would not admit it out loud - he trusts the fans to understand - but in case you don't, the irony is that he'd be the Tap Out champion whose finisher is "Can't Tap Out")
See...there's something about that Asylum on the 15th that is really special to me, and not just because it's my Asylum debut. You know, guys, I get it. I am a rookie in this place and, as much as I'd like to lean on my accolades of the past, they're practically irrelevant because EVERYONE has accolades that matter to them. It's all about what happens in Action Packed Wrestling.
So, that said, how did two guys with a combined record of 1-0 end up at the end of the card, almost the main event, trumped only by Jason Kash's continued quest to regain the World Title?
It's simple. My plan is working.
To help elucidate such a bold statement, let me inject a clip from the movie Mission Impossible II.
The feed cuts from our hero to the opening of the movie.
"Well, Dmitri...Every search for a hero must begin with something which every hero requires, a villain."
The video pauses 45 seconds in, the quotation of pertinence emitted. The feed cuts back to our hero.
Do you get it, yet, Quinn? Fine. Let's try this a different way. Let me tell you a story about a young British wrestler. We'll call him "DQ". See, this wrestler's Christmas present was a phone call from Action Packed Wrestling. Even though he didn't really have the credentials or experience that APW would prefer from its newcomers, there is potential, and APW is lacking in monster-like performers so DQ fit a niche of need.
Now, DQ was excited, as he should be. This is an opportunity not afforded to everyone. So, when he was sent to his first house show gig, he decided to cut a promo before that, bring it with him to the event so that APW producers could send it to the website, where APW fans can witness promos hyping future matches.
But, GOOD LORD, that promo was terrible. I mean, can we all admit that "your bones will be broken" and "I don't care about winning; just hurting people" has been done to death by a LOT of rookies? Guys who usually never make it to their second year...for a reason.
So at the end of chapter 1, DQ basically took the potential that got him hired and, ALMOST, washed it down the drain.
Chapter Two: Enter Dynamo.
The second chapter of this story involves a dashing thirty-something veteran who had a mission when he was signed to APW. That mission: to make other around him better, to have the best matches in APW history and to elevate the overall quality of the most popular pro wrestling organization in the world. The millions of people that tune in to APW Asylum and Overdrive deserve the best pro wrestling that has ever occurred, and that's what this guy wanted to provide. We'll call him "The Legacy".
So, Legacy wanted to prove his point; he wanted to show just what he could accomplish when a wrestler stops thinking only of himself and starts to figure out how to make not only himself the best possible combatant, but also his opponent, because, "every hero needs a villain".
That's where Legacy and DQ intersected. Legacy cut his own promo tearing DQ to shreds - AS HE DESERVED - and, suddenly, there is animosity. DQ and Legacy trade barbs back and forth as they continue to dominate house show competition. Then, finally, Legacy wins the war of words by causing DQ to take action.
Chapter 3: The Monster I Created
On January 1st, DQ attacked The Legacy on television, officially sparking marked interest in the feud. But, even though DQ got the first few shots, the end of the fight was a vicious superkick that knocked DQ senseless and allowed for security to end the brawl and save the rest of the combat for an ordained contest.
That's a great story, isn't it, but I bet you still don't see the point. The point is this: YOU WERE NOTHING BEFORE I TARGETED YOU. Not just a rookie who hadn't accomplished anything - that's all I was, too - but, no, you had no potential, you had no desire to be anything more than a Human Punch Machine, and your career was heading straight for the slow track. "Ho hum, another Dan Quinn versus a nobody match". You were going to be the heavyweight version of Zach Rodell.
But I saved you. I rebuilt you. Now, you are the monster that APW saw in you, now you are competing for a title that actually denotes you as a decent wrestler and not just a "brawler". Most importantly, you are going to get to debut in the final half-hour of the show. Our match between two Asylum rookies has gone from what would have almost definitely been a show-opener to a semi-main event with Tapout Championship implications.
And, it's all because of me. It's all because I took the initiative to take you and build you into a person worth being on APW TV. I gave you the aggression to not only attack me a week ago, but ALSO to come out on Overdrive and spew venom in my general direction the night that I successfully defeated three other competitors.
I turned you into the villain that a hero like me requires. I turned this match into an epic confrontation of good versus evil. Most importantly, I have created something that fans are looking forward to. That audience, the thousands in the arena and the millions tuning in, will be watching, waiting for that beautiful moment, that final resolution when the evil villain is vanquished, in this case by a CTO.
Remember, Dairy Queen, when the hero faces the villain, no matter how strong, the hero ultimately wins. The fans at Asylum are in for an exciting confrontation, but for you...
...it's the End 0f the W0rld!
The scene fades to a full-screen graphic with the APW Tapout Championship; above the title are the words:
KID DYNAMO'S TAPOUT CHALLENGE
centered within the main plate of the championship displays "0-0" and below are his twitter tags:
@kiddynamoapw #end0fthew0rld
And yes, those are zeroes not O's.
