Post by biggs on Jan 28, 2012 11:51:32 GMT -4
Friday, January 27th
Miami, Florida
Biggs and Ellie walk into the suit shop where Sr. Guapo and “Stunning” Stan are standing there in bright gold suits with white shirts and gold bow ties. Biggs has an irritated look on his face, and Ellie looks slightly upset. Biggs has his cell phone in hand.
Biggs: What's so gosh darn important that you had to text me fifty times within the span on five minutes, interrupting my lunch date with my beautiful wife?
Sr. Guapo: We're sorry Biggs, and more sorry to you, Ellie, for interrupting, but we have ourselves a, how you say, emergency here at the tailor's!
Stan: We need your help!
Biggs: Is this wrestling related?
Stan: Well, not really...
Biggs: Then it's not my problem. I manage your wrestling career. I'm not your guy's genie, available to help you at your beck and call. Now if you don't mind, Ellie and I are going to catch a movie. You already ruined our lunch, I'll be darned if you make us miss the show.
Biggs and Ellie turn towards the door, getting ready to leave. Sr. Guapo grabs Biggs' arm, stopping him. Biggs turns back even more irritated.
Sr. Guapo: Don't go! We need your help! We think the tailors are gay!
Stan: Yeah! They're looking at our crotchal region more than we'd care for them to, and one of them has only his left ear pierced!
Biggs looks back at the tailors, and they both look like perfectly normal people. Both have rings on their ring fingers.
Biggs: Look there.
Biggs points out the rings to the Studmuffins.
Biggs: Those rings they have on are wedding rings, and last time I checked, Florida didn't allow gay marriage, so I think you two are okay. Now let me go and watch my movie!
Biggs storms out and both of the Studmuffins let out sighs of relief. They head back to the stands where they were being measured, and sheepishly nod their heads towards the tailors.
Tailor 1: What was that all about?
Stan: Well, it's really embarrassing actually.
Tailor 2: How so?
Sr. Guapo: Well, we were worried that the two of you were gay, either that or that you were straight and our sexiness was making you gay!
Stan shoots Sr. Guapo a dirty look.
Stan: Have you no tact!? C'mon man!
Sr. Guapo: Que!? You know Sr. Guapo has no filter! Sr. Guapo speaks the truth at all times!
The two tailors just laugh it off. They get back to work, measuring the Studs with tape measures. They make small talk as they work. The first tailor is working on Sr. Guapo, while the second takes down Stan's measurements.
Tailor 1: Don't worry about it. We get it all the time. Actually, I'm happily married with a wife and two kids. Twin girls. The only other man in my house is my dog Rex. Sure, the house is decorated all fancy with doilies and the like, but I love my wife and love my girls. Thomas over there thought I was gay the first time he came over, until my wife got home!
Thomas chuckles a bit while he measures the length Stan's leg.
Thomas: You're right about that, John. I thought I might have had a chance with you. But the fact is, I really like bears!
Stan gets the subtext quickly, and suddenly gets a nervous look on his face, stiffening up. Sr. Guapo doesn't get it, and keeps the small talk going.
Sr. Guapo: Like the Care Bears?
Thomas: Not exactly.
Sr. Guapo: Grizzly bears?
Thomas: Nope.
Sr. Guapo: The Chicago Bears?
Stan is getting visibly frustrated by the fact that Sr. Guapo doesn't quite get it. From out of nowhere, he lashes out.
Stan: No, Armando, he means that he likes big, hairy men!
The “Stunning” one is mortified by his words, and immediately covers his mouth with both hands, his face turning a bright shade of red.
Stan: ACK! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to blurt it out like that! I'm not a bigot or anything, I'm just not comfortable with a gay man so near my junk! I'm really sorry!
Thomas gives Stan one of those looks that says “b-word, please,” and gets right back to working.
Thomas: Don't worry. You're not my type. Now loosen up a bit, or I won't be able to get as accurate of measurements!
Stan loosens up a bit and spends the rest of the session apologizing profusely. Once they're done, the Studs go to separate changing rooms and change back into the clothes they came in. As they get ready to head out, Stan apologizes once more.
Stan: I'm so sorry for the way I acted today! It was wrong of me. Thank you for not kicking us out right then and there.
Thomas: Don't worry. I've taken a lot worse! Your suits should be ready to pick up on Monday. We'll see you then! Toodles!
Thomas gives a slightly effeminate wave of his hand that makes both the Studmuffins slightly uncomfortable, but they respond with similar waves. As they head outside, Sr. Guapo turns to Stan.
Sr. Guapo: We will never tell anyone about those waves we did at the end there! That was just to make up to him!
Stan: Yeah. We're manly men! We just did that to be polite!
They shake on it and walk off. Back in the store, John and Thomas are still chuckling.
Thomas: Is it a bad thing that I have so much fun messing with the customers like that?
John: I'll be honest, I've known you and your wife for five years now and you had me convinced you were batting for the other team! I love it when we have new customers!
“Sexy and I Know It” plays as the words TOO HOT TO HANDLE flash across the starry background. The video switches to the Studmuffins in their ring gear with Biggs standing right there with him. They appear to be in a locker room.
Biggs: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest spin-off wrestling show in Internet history, I am talking of course about The Studmuffins' Too Hot to Handle! I am Biggs, manager extraordinaire, and with me are the soon to be APW Tag Team Champions, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante and “Stunning” Stan Everdeen! Now since this is their show, and not mine, I'm going to let them do the talking.
Stan: This Sunday night, we get an opportunity at the APW Tag Team Championship less than one month into our career here in Action Packed Wrestling! And while we can probably thank the fact that we have a bonafide living legend as our manager somewhat on the fact that we get this chance, the fact is, we earned this shot. Our opponents, Warren Peace and Rick Sader may think otherwise, but we wouldn't be in this position if we weren't a darn good team! And I'll say this much, Rick and Warren may be the champs, but they sure as heck are no team, and that's a fact!
Sr. Guapo: All of you saw on Overdrive how the so called campiones imploded! Security had to run down to the ring to separate them, because they were not on the same page. I can assure you, there is no such declension amongst Sr. Guapo and Stunning Stan, because we've been teammates inside and out of the ring since high school! We're each others wingman, and that's why we work so well together! Sr. Guapo knows Stan as well as he knows himself, and Stan knows Sr. Guapo as well as he knows himself!
Stan: The fact is, Warren, a house divided cannot stand, and I doubt there's enough money for you to smooth things out with Rick, not after how the two of you came to blows. I know that you were frustrated that he got you disqualified, but the bottom line is that you were well on your way to losing as it was! I had you on the ropes, and all Rick did was save you the embarrassment of getting pinned. We were getting this title shot whether you wanted us to or not. But unfortunately for you and Rick, the way things went down, well, they put you in that awkward place where you know that you need to trust each other to keep the belts, but you're not sure if you can really do that.
Sr. Guapo: On that topic, Sr. Guapo has noticed that you've been saying you can care less if you have the Tag Team Championships, Warren Peace, and to be honest, that makes Sr. Guapo very angry that you have so little regard for the championship you wear around your waste! It makes Sr. Guapo enfermo to his stomach that act like you're bigger than the Tag Team Titles, that your so-called revolution is more important. About the only thing that's accurate about your campaign is that it is literally revolting!
Stan: Warren Peace, you're fighting a losing battle on both fronts. Even if the cause you were fighting for was just and sound, and it's not, even if it was reasonable and had some logic behind it, which it doesn't, you would need more than just one man to pull it off, and you'd certainly need one more charismatic than yourself. You lament the fact that the fans haven't gotten behind your crusade, yet have you stopped to think about not only the message you're conveying, but how you're conveying it? The way you're going about things is like a vegan activist walking into a Steakhouse and telling everyone to order a salad! If you feel like your message is being ignored by the fans at large, it's because it is!
Sr. Guapo: Also, you say that we're like your father, going around the country, sleeping with all the sexy women, making niños and niñas with every woman we meet, well, that can't be further from the truth. We may be sexy, sexy men, but we're also smart! Let's just say we aren't getting anyone pregnant any time soon, and leave it at that.
Biggs is blushing behind them, obviously embarrassed as to where their promo has gone.
Stan: The bottom line is that this Sunday, it won't be our raw sexual prowess that wins us the Tag Team Titles, it'll be our skill and ability in that ring! We may be magnificent lovers, but we're fighters first and foremost! And the mixture of our technical ability and rock solid teamwork will be far too much for your divided team to overcome, Warren and Rick! If you two aren't on the exact same page, there will be no way for the two of you to beat us, because once we get rolling, we're quite simply...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
The show comes to a close as “Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again, with the Studs dancing and Biggs shaking his head in the background. The screen fades to black with the APW logo and copyright flashing at the bottom.
Miami, Florida
Biggs and Ellie walk into the suit shop where Sr. Guapo and “Stunning” Stan are standing there in bright gold suits with white shirts and gold bow ties. Biggs has an irritated look on his face, and Ellie looks slightly upset. Biggs has his cell phone in hand.
Biggs: What's so gosh darn important that you had to text me fifty times within the span on five minutes, interrupting my lunch date with my beautiful wife?
Sr. Guapo: We're sorry Biggs, and more sorry to you, Ellie, for interrupting, but we have ourselves a, how you say, emergency here at the tailor's!
Stan: We need your help!
Biggs: Is this wrestling related?
Stan: Well, not really...
Biggs: Then it's not my problem. I manage your wrestling career. I'm not your guy's genie, available to help you at your beck and call. Now if you don't mind, Ellie and I are going to catch a movie. You already ruined our lunch, I'll be darned if you make us miss the show.
Biggs and Ellie turn towards the door, getting ready to leave. Sr. Guapo grabs Biggs' arm, stopping him. Biggs turns back even more irritated.
Sr. Guapo: Don't go! We need your help! We think the tailors are gay!
Stan: Yeah! They're looking at our crotchal region more than we'd care for them to, and one of them has only his left ear pierced!
Biggs looks back at the tailors, and they both look like perfectly normal people. Both have rings on their ring fingers.
Biggs: Look there.
Biggs points out the rings to the Studmuffins.
Biggs: Those rings they have on are wedding rings, and last time I checked, Florida didn't allow gay marriage, so I think you two are okay. Now let me go and watch my movie!
Biggs storms out and both of the Studmuffins let out sighs of relief. They head back to the stands where they were being measured, and sheepishly nod their heads towards the tailors.
Tailor 1: What was that all about?
Stan: Well, it's really embarrassing actually.
Tailor 2: How so?
Sr. Guapo: Well, we were worried that the two of you were gay, either that or that you were straight and our sexiness was making you gay!
Stan shoots Sr. Guapo a dirty look.
Stan: Have you no tact!? C'mon man!
Sr. Guapo: Que!? You know Sr. Guapo has no filter! Sr. Guapo speaks the truth at all times!
The two tailors just laugh it off. They get back to work, measuring the Studs with tape measures. They make small talk as they work. The first tailor is working on Sr. Guapo, while the second takes down Stan's measurements.
Tailor 1: Don't worry about it. We get it all the time. Actually, I'm happily married with a wife and two kids. Twin girls. The only other man in my house is my dog Rex. Sure, the house is decorated all fancy with doilies and the like, but I love my wife and love my girls. Thomas over there thought I was gay the first time he came over, until my wife got home!
Thomas chuckles a bit while he measures the length Stan's leg.
Thomas: You're right about that, John. I thought I might have had a chance with you. But the fact is, I really like bears!
Stan gets the subtext quickly, and suddenly gets a nervous look on his face, stiffening up. Sr. Guapo doesn't get it, and keeps the small talk going.
Sr. Guapo: Like the Care Bears?
Thomas: Not exactly.
Sr. Guapo: Grizzly bears?
Thomas: Nope.
Sr. Guapo: The Chicago Bears?
Stan is getting visibly frustrated by the fact that Sr. Guapo doesn't quite get it. From out of nowhere, he lashes out.
Stan: No, Armando, he means that he likes big, hairy men!
The “Stunning” one is mortified by his words, and immediately covers his mouth with both hands, his face turning a bright shade of red.
Stan: ACK! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to blurt it out like that! I'm not a bigot or anything, I'm just not comfortable with a gay man so near my junk! I'm really sorry!
Thomas gives Stan one of those looks that says “b-word, please,” and gets right back to working.
Thomas: Don't worry. You're not my type. Now loosen up a bit, or I won't be able to get as accurate of measurements!
Stan loosens up a bit and spends the rest of the session apologizing profusely. Once they're done, the Studs go to separate changing rooms and change back into the clothes they came in. As they get ready to head out, Stan apologizes once more.
Stan: I'm so sorry for the way I acted today! It was wrong of me. Thank you for not kicking us out right then and there.
Thomas: Don't worry. I've taken a lot worse! Your suits should be ready to pick up on Monday. We'll see you then! Toodles!
Thomas gives a slightly effeminate wave of his hand that makes both the Studmuffins slightly uncomfortable, but they respond with similar waves. As they head outside, Sr. Guapo turns to Stan.
Sr. Guapo: We will never tell anyone about those waves we did at the end there! That was just to make up to him!
Stan: Yeah. We're manly men! We just did that to be polite!
They shake on it and walk off. Back in the store, John and Thomas are still chuckling.
Thomas: Is it a bad thing that I have so much fun messing with the customers like that?
John: I'll be honest, I've known you and your wife for five years now and you had me convinced you were batting for the other team! I love it when we have new customers!
***
“Sexy and I Know It” plays as the words TOO HOT TO HANDLE flash across the starry background. The video switches to the Studmuffins in their ring gear with Biggs standing right there with him. They appear to be in a locker room.
Biggs: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest spin-off wrestling show in Internet history, I am talking of course about The Studmuffins' Too Hot to Handle! I am Biggs, manager extraordinaire, and with me are the soon to be APW Tag Team Champions, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante and “Stunning” Stan Everdeen! Now since this is their show, and not mine, I'm going to let them do the talking.
Stan: This Sunday night, we get an opportunity at the APW Tag Team Championship less than one month into our career here in Action Packed Wrestling! And while we can probably thank the fact that we have a bonafide living legend as our manager somewhat on the fact that we get this chance, the fact is, we earned this shot. Our opponents, Warren Peace and Rick Sader may think otherwise, but we wouldn't be in this position if we weren't a darn good team! And I'll say this much, Rick and Warren may be the champs, but they sure as heck are no team, and that's a fact!
Sr. Guapo: All of you saw on Overdrive how the so called campiones imploded! Security had to run down to the ring to separate them, because they were not on the same page. I can assure you, there is no such declension amongst Sr. Guapo and Stunning Stan, because we've been teammates inside and out of the ring since high school! We're each others wingman, and that's why we work so well together! Sr. Guapo knows Stan as well as he knows himself, and Stan knows Sr. Guapo as well as he knows himself!
Stan: The fact is, Warren, a house divided cannot stand, and I doubt there's enough money for you to smooth things out with Rick, not after how the two of you came to blows. I know that you were frustrated that he got you disqualified, but the bottom line is that you were well on your way to losing as it was! I had you on the ropes, and all Rick did was save you the embarrassment of getting pinned. We were getting this title shot whether you wanted us to or not. But unfortunately for you and Rick, the way things went down, well, they put you in that awkward place where you know that you need to trust each other to keep the belts, but you're not sure if you can really do that.
Sr. Guapo: On that topic, Sr. Guapo has noticed that you've been saying you can care less if you have the Tag Team Championships, Warren Peace, and to be honest, that makes Sr. Guapo very angry that you have so little regard for the championship you wear around your waste! It makes Sr. Guapo enfermo to his stomach that act like you're bigger than the Tag Team Titles, that your so-called revolution is more important. About the only thing that's accurate about your campaign is that it is literally revolting!
Stan: Warren Peace, you're fighting a losing battle on both fronts. Even if the cause you were fighting for was just and sound, and it's not, even if it was reasonable and had some logic behind it, which it doesn't, you would need more than just one man to pull it off, and you'd certainly need one more charismatic than yourself. You lament the fact that the fans haven't gotten behind your crusade, yet have you stopped to think about not only the message you're conveying, but how you're conveying it? The way you're going about things is like a vegan activist walking into a Steakhouse and telling everyone to order a salad! If you feel like your message is being ignored by the fans at large, it's because it is!
Sr. Guapo: Also, you say that we're like your father, going around the country, sleeping with all the sexy women, making niños and niñas with every woman we meet, well, that can't be further from the truth. We may be sexy, sexy men, but we're also smart! Let's just say we aren't getting anyone pregnant any time soon, and leave it at that.
Biggs is blushing behind them, obviously embarrassed as to where their promo has gone.
Stan: The bottom line is that this Sunday, it won't be our raw sexual prowess that wins us the Tag Team Titles, it'll be our skill and ability in that ring! We may be magnificent lovers, but we're fighters first and foremost! And the mixture of our technical ability and rock solid teamwork will be far too much for your divided team to overcome, Warren and Rick! If you two aren't on the exact same page, there will be no way for the two of you to beat us, because once we get rolling, we're quite simply...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
The show comes to a close as “Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again, with the Studs dancing and Biggs shaking his head in the background. The screen fades to black with the APW logo and copyright flashing at the bottom.
