Post by Johnny Rebel on Mar 17, 2012 21:59:17 GMT -4
APW Offices
March 13th, 2012
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
“I think you’ll really be pleased with the candidates we’ve lined up!” Rebel’s lawyer Myles Berman says while beaming with pride.”
The two walk in to the executive conference room in the main APW offices in Toronto. Rebel plops down in a large black leather chair at the head of the table while taking the chair for a brief spin in circles.
“I hope so…” Rebel answers back. “They have some big shoes to fill.”
Rebel had a difficult decision to make: either wait out Sarah’s recovery with hope that she’d be able to resume her duties as Rebel’s personal secretary or look for an interim to keep things moving. Berman had convinced him that Sarah wouldn’t be capable of returning to her position in the immediate future and had used his connections to line up a few possible candidates.
“You don’t think Jeff will mind us camping out in his conference room while he’s out gallivanting around town, do you?” Rebel says while cracking a smile.
The topic of APW president causes Berman to change his body language as he becomes a little more rigid. Rebel’s attorney was difficult to read; his first encounter with him was less than positive and outside of discussing matters regarding the law he maintained that reputation. However, when it came time to discuss business, Berman was as tough as they came.
“You know,” Myles began, “Jeff isn’t going to cave very easily, Johnny… He’s going to continue to push back with this lawsuit. You need to understand that we need to approach this united in our efforts.”
“Let him push back.” Rebel answers back. “I have crushed every obstacle that he’s thrown my way. Terry Marvin may have won the Overdrive championship but he proved that it was nothing but a fluke when I put him down the following week. He’s trying to protect his business but he’s going to have to try harder than Marvin and Chris Hart.”
“No doubt,” Berman replies, “But you know he’s going to have something up his sleeve for RassleMania. He’s going to do everything possible to protect his assets…”
“You mean Gates?” Rebel interrupts, drawing a chuckle from both men.
“Absolutely! As much as Jeff would like to leave his stamp on the Undisputed championship match, I have a feeling that he’ll be preoccupied with Nathaniel Havok.” Berman comments, reassuring Rebel. “But this is the APW… nothing is ever as it seems!”
“I can’t argue with you there. I’ve seen it unfold first hand over the past few weeks as the RassleMania match has evolved. I gave Blade the moon! The only thing that he had to do was sit back and ride the wave of success all the way to the top. I was poised to give him everything and the only thing that I asked in return was that he watch my back in the event of another ambush by a gang of thugs!” Rebel adds.
“I can understand your frustration,” Berman responds, “But I’m not surprised. Blade was going to turn as soon as he saw his first opportunity to better himself and now I’m confident that he’s going to pay for his mistakes!”
“Are we about ready for this first interview, Myles?” Rebel says while pulling out his cell phone from his pocket to check the time.
“We’re not in any hurry, champ.” Myles says with confidence. “We only have two applicants to interview anyway. It shouldn’t take any time at all.”
“What?” Rebel exclaims. “You can’t be serious? I flew all the way out to freakin’ Canada to meet at the executive offices here to only interview two candidates?”
“Calm down… I’ve thumbed through all of the applications and have pulled out the two that I believe to be the cream of the crop!”
Rebel rolls his eyes at Berman as he leans back in his chair.
“All you need to is sit back and I’ll go wait in the lobby for our ten o’clock. Take a nap and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Rebel glances up around the room to find posters of some of the household names in APW. “Level One” sits smack dab in the middle of the wall direct opposing Sally Talfourd on the other side. After reviewing the entire lot, he notices the most glaring omission is his own picture. “Figures,” Rebel comments under his breath. He just leans back to close his eyes before Myles reappears with their first candidate to be Rebel’s new secretary.
“Johnny, this is Petunia Edwards.” Myles announces, as it takes everything Rebel has to not to fall out of his chair.
The woman dwarfs Myles as she near causes him to topple over as she brushes past and takes a few steps towards Rebel. He gazes up in amazement as she stands approximately 6’3” and has to be in the ballpark of 250 pounds. Her hair is matted in dreadlocks but a pink bow sits rests neatly on top of her head.
“I go by Shank,” the growl of her voice causes Rebel to jump backwards as she extends her hand towards the APW megastar.
“Nice to meet you….” Rebel clears his throat, “Shank. Would you excuse us for a second?”
Shank nods in agreement and sits down in the chair nearest to the head of the table. Rebel grabs Myles in a headlock and drags him outside of the conference room.
“What the heck is that?” Rebel demands. “The cream of the crop? You have found an exact female replica of Blade! Disgusting!”
“What?” Berman takes a second look, glancing Shank up and down. “She doesn’t look a thing like Blade! Trust me, Blade has never looked that good.”
“You’re impossible, you know what?” Rebel scolds him. “Think through this with me for a second. Petunia Edwards? Shank? I’m not convinced that she isn’t even a little bigger than Blade but the dreadlocks are the same! You found a Blade doppelganger for my new secretary!”
“Dude…” Berman argues. “She looks absolutely nothing like Blade! This woman is smokin’!”
Rebel can’t help but to laugh. He buries his head in to his hands to avoid making eye contact, which would make this more uncomfortable than it already is.
“She came all the way across the pond for the chance to interview with you. The least you could do is to ask her a few questions and give her a fair shake. Besides, I think I have a real chance with her so don’t you dare ruin this for me!”
“Good grief…” Rebel exclaims while scrunching up his nose. “I’ll ask a few questions but I’m not making any promises. Sarah would be throwing a fit if she knew that I replaced her with a Peter Edwards lookalike!”
They both walk back in as Myles makes sure to tighten his tie before taking his seat across from Rebel’s potential new secretary. The former Overdrive champion pulls out a notepad and clears his throat once again before beginning the interview.
“So, Miss Edwards…”
“I prefer Shank,” her deep voice interrupts Rebel before he can finish his sentence.
“OK then… I should probably warn you before hand that is a high risk position. The last person to hold your position ended up in the hospital and there isn’t any telling what her future holds. You need to be able to hold your ground and be constantly watching your surroundings. Are you OK with that?”
Shank doesn’t offer much of a response but simply nods her head and mumbles, “I understand.”
“What about working with other people?” Rebel asks. “What I really need is somebody to take care of all the little details that I often don’t have time to deal with. That ultimately requires you to work well with other people, can you manage that?”
“Well, I believe working with people is a benefit for a time but when you can’t pass up the opportunity to kick them in the balls when they aren’t looking!”
“Uh… “ Rebel says while scratching his head. “Come again?”
“I used to work for a lady that took me under her wing and tried to show me the ropes. I know she was one of the best secretaries there had ever been and I couldn’t believe my luck when she said she wanted to teach me! I gladly accepted and worked hard by her side until I happen to overhear someone in the hallway talking about firing her and giving me the job. What an opportunity that was for me! I took the steps that anybody else would have done and took measures to bury her. I started stealing her things and interrupting her in the middle of her duties in an effort to make her look stupid. I probably would have never advanced up the chain if it wasn’t for her help but she ultimately became indispensable… I got rid of her!”
Rebel’s mouth drops and does a double take before glancing over to Berman, who is resting his elbow son the table and hanging on every word that Shank has to say.
“This all sounds eerily familiar… “ Rebel comments. “I feel like I’ve lived through this once before.”
“If you were to hire me than that would make us a team. As a team, I’d probably fail to carry my weight anyway and I’d ride your coattails until you couldn’t carry us any farther then I’d jump to the next best thing.”
“You sound a lot like someone I know…” Rebel says while rolling his eyes in sarcasm. “I’m having a hard time placing you.”
“I get that often,” Shank comments. “Most people say I’m a much younger Sally Talfourd.”
Rebel nearly chokes on a mouthful of coffee as Berman jumps up and pats him on the back. “I think I have heard everything that I need to know…”
“But…” Berman chimes in. “But we were just getting to know one another!”
Rebel ignores his pleas, and shakes the hand of his potential candidate before asking Myles to escort her out of the building. The two leave the room as “Simply Put” welcomes a few moments of silence before he was sure to hear Berman’s rumblings again. He found himself longing for Sarah’s companionship and the rare downtime allowed his mind to wander about what life would have been like had she been by his side that evening rather than left alone in the locker room. How would he ever replace her?
The moment was shorted lived as a voice screaming out, “Yoo-hoo! What is it going to take for you to get off yer’ heiney and help an old woman with a bum leg?” He wasn’t thrilled with being interrupted and let it be known by a deep sigh.
“Can I help you with something? We’re in the middle of interviews here.” Johnny asks.
“Here I is!” She squeals throwing her hands in the air, which sends her cane flying across the room. “I’m yer' wo'man!"
“No…” Rebel shakes his head in disagreement. “This can’t be happening!”
He couldn’t shake loose from the Blade, Gates and Kurt Noble’s of the world and now both of his secretary candidates were dead ringers for two of the three. Rebel was fuming and as soon as lawyer had returned to the room he was going to feel the wrath of the former Overdrive champion. In the mean time, Rebel was stuck with this woman who resembled a slightly younger Kurt Noble.
“Let me guess,” Rebel began, “Your name rhymes with Kurt?”
“How’d ya’ know, deary?” The old woman replies. “The names’ Gurt Hoeble, at yer’ service!”
Rebel mumbled under his breath: Berman’s going to get it! He had come to grips with the fact that he might as well ask her a few questions while he’s cornered in the room. He leans back and takes a deep breath, firing the first question: “What makes you qualified for this position?”
“Ya’ see,” Hoeble says pausing in between phrases to fidget with her glasses, “I’ been a secretary fer’ about sixta-five years. There ain’t nuthin’ that I can’t do! Well, except for walk without tis’ here cane!”
“Tell me about some of the things you have accomplished over those sixty-five years?” Rebel asks.
“I done come in secon’ in some big tournament about two ye’rs ago! I thought that fer’ sure it would have give’ me the right to challenge whoever I wan’ed and bypass everyone else who had been wurkin’ so hard for what they got. I had to work the churm’ a little bit to even get to sec’on place knowin’ that I probably was too old on ma’ own!”
“I’m going to be honest with you,” Rebel says tightening up, “I don’t know if someone of your age and stature can keep up with the demands.”
“Fiddlesticks!” Gurt argues while wheeling herself over to pick up the cane she accidently sent flying earlier. “I’m the lu’kiest dadgurm woman you ever did meet. I somehow beat out the incumb’nt for tha’ best lookin’ seceturah’ in all of Calgary! Would you believe ‘at I rode that there title until someone took ‘er from me? I did’t let a soul forget about it, either! I just kep’ talkin’ and talkin’ until someone told me to shut ma’ trap! Simply put, she were better ‘den me anywho!”
“Yeah,” Rebel responds trying to conceal his laughter, “I just don’t see this one working out. However, if you’re hard-pressed for work than I’m sure the APW could probably use you to take a few bumps for someone like… oh, say… Kurt Noble?”
“Well howdydoo! That sounds a just like ol’ Gurt’s name!” Hoeble responds waving her cane around wildly.
“Something like that…” Rebel snickers, and begins ushering Hoeble towards the exit. “Thanks for coming in.”
The former Overdrive champion makes his way back to the conference room, frustrated that he’s had to waste an entire day entertaining potential candidates. He shovels a bunch of papers back in to his briefcase but before he can make a quick exit, Myles comes rushing back in through the door with a goofy grin plastered all over his face.
“I did it!” He shouts, while tightening the knot on his tie. “I bagged Shank!”
“You are worthless,” Rebel mumbles, “Absolutely worthless! You had one job to accomplish today and what do you have to show for it? I needed a secretary to handle the day-to-day operations of JRPW until Sarah could get back on her feet. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“But… but…”
“I’m sick of excuses. I need results and I’ve now wasted a day of preparations for RassleMania by having to put up with your antics. Where have you been anyway? I’ve had to put up with Kurt Noble’s grandmother for the past few minutes.”
“I’m not sure you really want to know…” Myles says sheepishly.
“For Pete’s sake! You can’t keep your pants zipped up for twenty minutes, can you? I’m starting to think you aren’t any different than any other lawyer out there. The only thing that you care about is yourself and I’m the one who has to pay the price.”
“Please,” Myles says, refusing to back down from Rebel’s tirade. “You and I both know that if the shoe was on the other foot that you’d be doing the same exact thing. The biggest reason you’re in this predicament now is because of your selfishness and refusing to treat anyone else with respect. Maybe if you would stop and pay attention to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you for a moment than you’d see that you brought all this on yourself. You didn’t deserve…”
“I’m warning you. Do not finish that sentence!”
“I’m not afraid of you, Rebel,” Myles says, hulking up. “You didn’t deserve Sarah!”
The finished phrase causes Rebel to throw down his briefcase as the two begin a cat and mouse game around the table. Myles throws down a few chairs behind him to slow down the enraged Rebel but it only lasts for so long before he’s run out of real estate.
“Take it back! Take it back now!” Rebel says with hands wrapped around Berman’s collar.
“There comes a point where the world isn’t going to deal with your crap anymore and they are going to start fighting back,” Myles says, staring intently at Rebel. “You wouldn’t listen to Sarah, you wouldn’t listen to her mother, and you wouldn’t listen to your so-called friends who came to dig you out of the hole you created. Maybe you’ll listen to me…”
Rebel clinches his fist back and prepares to deliver a haymaker to Berman, who remains unmoved. He closes his eyes as Rebel begins to swing forward, only stopping when his cell phone rings from the pocket of his jacket. He slings Myles to the ground and reaches for the phone, which shows an unrecognized number with a Chicago area code.
“Hello?”
Rebel waits for a momentarily before offering a second greeting.
“Hello? Who’s this?”
No response. Rebel’s starting to get frustrated until the sound of a sobbing woman comes from the other end of the line.
“Come on,” Rebel says, “Who is this? What do you want?”
“It’s Wendy… “ Sarah’s mother says, her voice trembling through the phone. “It’s about Sarah.”
Rebel’s heart sank.
To be continued….
-----
Here we go! The biggest night of the year and culmination of Johnny Rebel Packed Wrestling is upon us.
It’s not even been a year since the ink dried on my APW contract and here I stand ready to headline the biggest event of the year. I’m the envy of the wrestling world and I am the reason why said world will be glued to their television sets in just a few short days. I can only imagine what the other three competitors are thinking about as they prepare to take the world’s largest stage. Meanwhile, I’m the only one of the four of us to have walked that path before and know what I have gotten myself in to. It’s a foregone conclusion that I’m going to come out with the Undisputed Championship around my waist as I have the tremendous advantage that tips the scales in my favor: experience.
It’s not a surprise that Jeff didn’t hesitate in handing over the keys to the company vehicle. I was the golden calf that saved this organization from going belly-up while the usual suspects went on hiatus. Ryan Ruckus? Gone. Pence Weatherlight? Nowhere to be found. Level-One and Sally Talfourd? Too busy playing spin-the-bottle in the corner. There are those out there that would like you to believe that I’m only in this position because I’m the last man standing. Guess what? They are right! They had their chance to eliminate me once and for all but I kept pushing. I kicked in the teeth of the best this company had to offer and shot down every promise that was made to knock me down a few notches. I’ve worked a long time to get where I am now and I have firmly entrenched myself atop of the APW empire and there isn’t anyone that can take that away fro me!
It’s the exact opposite of the path Kurt Noble walked to “earn” his spot in the main event of RassleMania. He walked in here riding undeserved hype and signed a massive contract that will probably never be rivaled in the wrestling business. I still remember the press conference and seeing his head balloon with confidence and pride without accomplishing a single thing here in the APW. Then in typical President Jeff fashion, he was given an Overdrive championship match without so much as stepping foot in the APW ring. Are you starting to see the problem here? Not only did he get to name the price it would cost for him to sign on the dotted line but also he got to call his own shots while he was at it! I sent the entire APW roster packing their bags back down to curtain jerker status and Noble was handed everything on a silver platter. Pathetic!
All of the questions I have about Kurt’s status as a main eventer here in APW can be summed up with the answer of one question: who is Kurt Noble? Some would argue that he’s on top of the world and the clear and unquestioned favorite headed in to the main event of RassleMania. Some would argue that he’s a legend ready to cap of a resume that would make him among the all-time greats in the wrestling world. The world must be sitting back wearing blindfolds and have two of their fat fingers shoved through their ear canals. I’ve been exposing this fool since the day he walked in to the APW and was projected as the savior. When I think of the name Kurt Noble, I think of nothing! I try to list a few things that he’s accomplished but for some reason they all run on the same theme: he made a good effort but he wasn’t quite good enough!
The fact remains that Kurt Noble looks to flap his gums but doesn’t ever really say anything worthwhile. Apparently, I’m the only one in the world to see through the drivel that spills out of his mouth every week and simply put? I’m sick of it!
It’s like he has some fairy godmother chasing him around and her supply of pixie dust is in short supply because he’s bound to run out of steam at some point. It’s only fitting that we’re in the middle of March Madness because Noble is nothing more than a 15-seed that fought just hard enough to eliminate a number two and be given the Cinderella label. Guess what, sweetheart? The clock is about to strike midnight and I’m the going to smash that pumpkin once and for all.
You are aware that the only reason that you even got a sniff of this match is because I’ve carried your behind up and down the APW for months now, don’t you? I’m the main-event. Without me than the best you’re going to do is rolling around on the mat with Chris Hart and the rest of the Overdrive hobknobs that President Jeff didn’t know what to do with. Please tell me that without your name being attached to Johnny Rebel that you’d be anywhere close to the status that you think you have achieved and I’d laugh all the way to the bank!
I’d be remiss though if I didn’t mention your current puppy love affair with President Jeff. As soon as he handed the keys to me he knew that he had made the biggest mistake of his life! He knew that I’d be the biggest star on the biggest stage that this company had ever seen and needed someone to come to his rescue. What a great way to make yourself relevant. Anybody who decides to take up the cause of a flailing president that has nothing else to lose deserves a swift kick to the rear end! He thought that you would be the one that might be able to reign in a rebel but how that has backfired! You were the martyr and you played it oh-so-well. You simply served the purpose of feeding the giant that was waiting to be awakened inside of me. It was only when you failed your first task that your mission morphed in to the chance of a lifetime at winning the Undisputed Championship. You are a disposable tool that Jeff is squeezing to get whatever is left out of it. I’m afraid for you that when he realizes you’ve got nothing left to give that he’s going to cast you aside like he’s done for every other megastar that has walked through those doors. You don’t have to worry about failing again because rest assured I’ll make sure of it! You can take that to the bank!
You can’t stop me, Kurt! Simply put: I’m better than you and I’m going to prove it once more at RassleMania.
Then there was Blade… or should I say Shank?
You more than anyone should know that I was trying to change; that I was trying to go about my business differently. But you had other plans and decided that wasn’t good enough for you! I was willing to lead you to unprecedented levels of success that you would have never achieved had it not been for me. I was willing to give you the extra boost that you needed to get over the hump and guess what? I’m still willing to lead you. That’s right, you hear me correctly: I’m willing to help you on you way back up. All you have to do is admit that you made a huge mistake by turning your back on me and step out of the RassleMania match and in to my corner. If I were you, I’d be all over such a deal but I know you’ll play it cool and take your chances on your own! Therefore, I’m going to have to do to you what I’ve done to the rest of the APW roster.
It’s not a stretch to say that you are the least deserving of the four of us to make it to the big match but it isn’t because of your lack of talent. It’s because you are mentally weak! You can talk a mean game and your ability in the ring goes a long way to cover up the cracks in your foundation. Ultimately, the weeks leading up to RassleMania on Overdrive have begin to show the cracks in your foundation and that you don’t have what it takes right now to stand on the porch with the big dogs. There were several occasions where you could have asserted yourself and put your stamp on the match but instead you went cowering with your tail tucked between your legs!
It all began with Survive and Conquer where you didn’t even have the stones to throw your name in the hat! There were 86 wrestlers from around the globe and all of them wanted to win APW’s biggest match of the year and then piss on the rest of the megastars that stuck around to go to work Monday morning. You had your chance then to defend the APW’s reputation but really put yourself in to the thick of things but you chose to piddle around about a name! That’s the major difference when looking at the two of us: I was fending of an entire organization that wanted to invade the APW and you were opening the card while the majority of the crowd hadn’t even made it to the stadium yet. It’s kind of like that thing in football when a player gets moved to another team but somebody else is already wearing their number. A real man would take their number and be done with the whole ordeal but instead of solving their problems, Yarmouth and Blade did a slow-dance around the APW for weeks. That’s precisely why you don’t stand a chance against the likes of me!
You are already at a severe disadvantage here as every man in this match has a singles victory over you and without doing a little research, I’d be willing to guess that you haven’t pinned any of the three of us. You are staring at a mountain and begging it to move but unless Moses comes riding down on a cloud himself, that mountain ain’t going anywhere!
It was on Overdrive the week after I defeated then Overdrive and Undisputed champion Biggs that I declared war on the APW. I promised that I’d stop at nothing to convert the nonbelievers to my side and that the banners would change from APW to Johnny Rebel Packed Wrestling. I’ve done everything that I said I was going to do and this Undisputed championship match at RassleMania is the last item to cross off my list.
#SIMPLY
#F’N
#PUT?
The two of you don’t have a chance of standing in my way!
March 13th, 2012
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
“I think you’ll really be pleased with the candidates we’ve lined up!” Rebel’s lawyer Myles Berman says while beaming with pride.”
The two walk in to the executive conference room in the main APW offices in Toronto. Rebel plops down in a large black leather chair at the head of the table while taking the chair for a brief spin in circles.
“I hope so…” Rebel answers back. “They have some big shoes to fill.”
Rebel had a difficult decision to make: either wait out Sarah’s recovery with hope that she’d be able to resume her duties as Rebel’s personal secretary or look for an interim to keep things moving. Berman had convinced him that Sarah wouldn’t be capable of returning to her position in the immediate future and had used his connections to line up a few possible candidates.
“You don’t think Jeff will mind us camping out in his conference room while he’s out gallivanting around town, do you?” Rebel says while cracking a smile.
The topic of APW president causes Berman to change his body language as he becomes a little more rigid. Rebel’s attorney was difficult to read; his first encounter with him was less than positive and outside of discussing matters regarding the law he maintained that reputation. However, when it came time to discuss business, Berman was as tough as they came.
“You know,” Myles began, “Jeff isn’t going to cave very easily, Johnny… He’s going to continue to push back with this lawsuit. You need to understand that we need to approach this united in our efforts.”
“Let him push back.” Rebel answers back. “I have crushed every obstacle that he’s thrown my way. Terry Marvin may have won the Overdrive championship but he proved that it was nothing but a fluke when I put him down the following week. He’s trying to protect his business but he’s going to have to try harder than Marvin and Chris Hart.”
“No doubt,” Berman replies, “But you know he’s going to have something up his sleeve for RassleMania. He’s going to do everything possible to protect his assets…”
“You mean Gates?” Rebel interrupts, drawing a chuckle from both men.
“Absolutely! As much as Jeff would like to leave his stamp on the Undisputed championship match, I have a feeling that he’ll be preoccupied with Nathaniel Havok.” Berman comments, reassuring Rebel. “But this is the APW… nothing is ever as it seems!”
“I can’t argue with you there. I’ve seen it unfold first hand over the past few weeks as the RassleMania match has evolved. I gave Blade the moon! The only thing that he had to do was sit back and ride the wave of success all the way to the top. I was poised to give him everything and the only thing that I asked in return was that he watch my back in the event of another ambush by a gang of thugs!” Rebel adds.
“I can understand your frustration,” Berman responds, “But I’m not surprised. Blade was going to turn as soon as he saw his first opportunity to better himself and now I’m confident that he’s going to pay for his mistakes!”
“Are we about ready for this first interview, Myles?” Rebel says while pulling out his cell phone from his pocket to check the time.
“We’re not in any hurry, champ.” Myles says with confidence. “We only have two applicants to interview anyway. It shouldn’t take any time at all.”
“What?” Rebel exclaims. “You can’t be serious? I flew all the way out to freakin’ Canada to meet at the executive offices here to only interview two candidates?”
“Calm down… I’ve thumbed through all of the applications and have pulled out the two that I believe to be the cream of the crop!”
Rebel rolls his eyes at Berman as he leans back in his chair.
“All you need to is sit back and I’ll go wait in the lobby for our ten o’clock. Take a nap and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Rebel glances up around the room to find posters of some of the household names in APW. “Level One” sits smack dab in the middle of the wall direct opposing Sally Talfourd on the other side. After reviewing the entire lot, he notices the most glaring omission is his own picture. “Figures,” Rebel comments under his breath. He just leans back to close his eyes before Myles reappears with their first candidate to be Rebel’s new secretary.
“Johnny, this is Petunia Edwards.” Myles announces, as it takes everything Rebel has to not to fall out of his chair.
The woman dwarfs Myles as she near causes him to topple over as she brushes past and takes a few steps towards Rebel. He gazes up in amazement as she stands approximately 6’3” and has to be in the ballpark of 250 pounds. Her hair is matted in dreadlocks but a pink bow sits rests neatly on top of her head.
“I go by Shank,” the growl of her voice causes Rebel to jump backwards as she extends her hand towards the APW megastar.
“Nice to meet you….” Rebel clears his throat, “Shank. Would you excuse us for a second?”
Shank nods in agreement and sits down in the chair nearest to the head of the table. Rebel grabs Myles in a headlock and drags him outside of the conference room.
“What the heck is that?” Rebel demands. “The cream of the crop? You have found an exact female replica of Blade! Disgusting!”
“What?” Berman takes a second look, glancing Shank up and down. “She doesn’t look a thing like Blade! Trust me, Blade has never looked that good.”
“You’re impossible, you know what?” Rebel scolds him. “Think through this with me for a second. Petunia Edwards? Shank? I’m not convinced that she isn’t even a little bigger than Blade but the dreadlocks are the same! You found a Blade doppelganger for my new secretary!”
“Dude…” Berman argues. “She looks absolutely nothing like Blade! This woman is smokin’!”
Rebel can’t help but to laugh. He buries his head in to his hands to avoid making eye contact, which would make this more uncomfortable than it already is.
“She came all the way across the pond for the chance to interview with you. The least you could do is to ask her a few questions and give her a fair shake. Besides, I think I have a real chance with her so don’t you dare ruin this for me!”
“Good grief…” Rebel exclaims while scrunching up his nose. “I’ll ask a few questions but I’m not making any promises. Sarah would be throwing a fit if she knew that I replaced her with a Peter Edwards lookalike!”
They both walk back in as Myles makes sure to tighten his tie before taking his seat across from Rebel’s potential new secretary. The former Overdrive champion pulls out a notepad and clears his throat once again before beginning the interview.
“So, Miss Edwards…”
“I prefer Shank,” her deep voice interrupts Rebel before he can finish his sentence.
“OK then… I should probably warn you before hand that is a high risk position. The last person to hold your position ended up in the hospital and there isn’t any telling what her future holds. You need to be able to hold your ground and be constantly watching your surroundings. Are you OK with that?”
Shank doesn’t offer much of a response but simply nods her head and mumbles, “I understand.”
“What about working with other people?” Rebel asks. “What I really need is somebody to take care of all the little details that I often don’t have time to deal with. That ultimately requires you to work well with other people, can you manage that?”
“Well, I believe working with people is a benefit for a time but when you can’t pass up the opportunity to kick them in the balls when they aren’t looking!”
“Uh… “ Rebel says while scratching his head. “Come again?”
“I used to work for a lady that took me under her wing and tried to show me the ropes. I know she was one of the best secretaries there had ever been and I couldn’t believe my luck when she said she wanted to teach me! I gladly accepted and worked hard by her side until I happen to overhear someone in the hallway talking about firing her and giving me the job. What an opportunity that was for me! I took the steps that anybody else would have done and took measures to bury her. I started stealing her things and interrupting her in the middle of her duties in an effort to make her look stupid. I probably would have never advanced up the chain if it wasn’t for her help but she ultimately became indispensable… I got rid of her!”
Rebel’s mouth drops and does a double take before glancing over to Berman, who is resting his elbow son the table and hanging on every word that Shank has to say.
“This all sounds eerily familiar… “ Rebel comments. “I feel like I’ve lived through this once before.”
“If you were to hire me than that would make us a team. As a team, I’d probably fail to carry my weight anyway and I’d ride your coattails until you couldn’t carry us any farther then I’d jump to the next best thing.”
“You sound a lot like someone I know…” Rebel says while rolling his eyes in sarcasm. “I’m having a hard time placing you.”
“I get that often,” Shank comments. “Most people say I’m a much younger Sally Talfourd.”
Rebel nearly chokes on a mouthful of coffee as Berman jumps up and pats him on the back. “I think I have heard everything that I need to know…”
“But…” Berman chimes in. “But we were just getting to know one another!”
Rebel ignores his pleas, and shakes the hand of his potential candidate before asking Myles to escort her out of the building. The two leave the room as “Simply Put” welcomes a few moments of silence before he was sure to hear Berman’s rumblings again. He found himself longing for Sarah’s companionship and the rare downtime allowed his mind to wander about what life would have been like had she been by his side that evening rather than left alone in the locker room. How would he ever replace her?
The moment was shorted lived as a voice screaming out, “Yoo-hoo! What is it going to take for you to get off yer’ heiney and help an old woman with a bum leg?” He wasn’t thrilled with being interrupted and let it be known by a deep sigh.
“Can I help you with something? We’re in the middle of interviews here.” Johnny asks.
“Here I is!” She squeals throwing her hands in the air, which sends her cane flying across the room. “I’m yer' wo'man!"
“No…” Rebel shakes his head in disagreement. “This can’t be happening!”
He couldn’t shake loose from the Blade, Gates and Kurt Noble’s of the world and now both of his secretary candidates were dead ringers for two of the three. Rebel was fuming and as soon as lawyer had returned to the room he was going to feel the wrath of the former Overdrive champion. In the mean time, Rebel was stuck with this woman who resembled a slightly younger Kurt Noble.
“Let me guess,” Rebel began, “Your name rhymes with Kurt?”
“How’d ya’ know, deary?” The old woman replies. “The names’ Gurt Hoeble, at yer’ service!”
Rebel mumbled under his breath: Berman’s going to get it! He had come to grips with the fact that he might as well ask her a few questions while he’s cornered in the room. He leans back and takes a deep breath, firing the first question: “What makes you qualified for this position?”
“Ya’ see,” Hoeble says pausing in between phrases to fidget with her glasses, “I’ been a secretary fer’ about sixta-five years. There ain’t nuthin’ that I can’t do! Well, except for walk without tis’ here cane!”
“Tell me about some of the things you have accomplished over those sixty-five years?” Rebel asks.
“I done come in secon’ in some big tournament about two ye’rs ago! I thought that fer’ sure it would have give’ me the right to challenge whoever I wan’ed and bypass everyone else who had been wurkin’ so hard for what they got. I had to work the churm’ a little bit to even get to sec’on place knowin’ that I probably was too old on ma’ own!”
“I’m going to be honest with you,” Rebel says tightening up, “I don’t know if someone of your age and stature can keep up with the demands.”
“Fiddlesticks!” Gurt argues while wheeling herself over to pick up the cane she accidently sent flying earlier. “I’m the lu’kiest dadgurm woman you ever did meet. I somehow beat out the incumb’nt for tha’ best lookin’ seceturah’ in all of Calgary! Would you believe ‘at I rode that there title until someone took ‘er from me? I did’t let a soul forget about it, either! I just kep’ talkin’ and talkin’ until someone told me to shut ma’ trap! Simply put, she were better ‘den me anywho!”
“Yeah,” Rebel responds trying to conceal his laughter, “I just don’t see this one working out. However, if you’re hard-pressed for work than I’m sure the APW could probably use you to take a few bumps for someone like… oh, say… Kurt Noble?”
“Well howdydoo! That sounds a just like ol’ Gurt’s name!” Hoeble responds waving her cane around wildly.
“Something like that…” Rebel snickers, and begins ushering Hoeble towards the exit. “Thanks for coming in.”
The former Overdrive champion makes his way back to the conference room, frustrated that he’s had to waste an entire day entertaining potential candidates. He shovels a bunch of papers back in to his briefcase but before he can make a quick exit, Myles comes rushing back in through the door with a goofy grin plastered all over his face.
“I did it!” He shouts, while tightening the knot on his tie. “I bagged Shank!”
“You are worthless,” Rebel mumbles, “Absolutely worthless! You had one job to accomplish today and what do you have to show for it? I needed a secretary to handle the day-to-day operations of JRPW until Sarah could get back on her feet. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“But… but…”
“I’m sick of excuses. I need results and I’ve now wasted a day of preparations for RassleMania by having to put up with your antics. Where have you been anyway? I’ve had to put up with Kurt Noble’s grandmother for the past few minutes.”
“I’m not sure you really want to know…” Myles says sheepishly.
“For Pete’s sake! You can’t keep your pants zipped up for twenty minutes, can you? I’m starting to think you aren’t any different than any other lawyer out there. The only thing that you care about is yourself and I’m the one who has to pay the price.”
“Please,” Myles says, refusing to back down from Rebel’s tirade. “You and I both know that if the shoe was on the other foot that you’d be doing the same exact thing. The biggest reason you’re in this predicament now is because of your selfishness and refusing to treat anyone else with respect. Maybe if you would stop and pay attention to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you for a moment than you’d see that you brought all this on yourself. You didn’t deserve…”
“I’m warning you. Do not finish that sentence!”
“I’m not afraid of you, Rebel,” Myles says, hulking up. “You didn’t deserve Sarah!”
The finished phrase causes Rebel to throw down his briefcase as the two begin a cat and mouse game around the table. Myles throws down a few chairs behind him to slow down the enraged Rebel but it only lasts for so long before he’s run out of real estate.
“Take it back! Take it back now!” Rebel says with hands wrapped around Berman’s collar.
“There comes a point where the world isn’t going to deal with your crap anymore and they are going to start fighting back,” Myles says, staring intently at Rebel. “You wouldn’t listen to Sarah, you wouldn’t listen to her mother, and you wouldn’t listen to your so-called friends who came to dig you out of the hole you created. Maybe you’ll listen to me…”
Rebel clinches his fist back and prepares to deliver a haymaker to Berman, who remains unmoved. He closes his eyes as Rebel begins to swing forward, only stopping when his cell phone rings from the pocket of his jacket. He slings Myles to the ground and reaches for the phone, which shows an unrecognized number with a Chicago area code.
“Hello?”
Rebel waits for a momentarily before offering a second greeting.
“Hello? Who’s this?”
No response. Rebel’s starting to get frustrated until the sound of a sobbing woman comes from the other end of the line.
“Come on,” Rebel says, “Who is this? What do you want?”
“It’s Wendy… “ Sarah’s mother says, her voice trembling through the phone. “It’s about Sarah.”
Rebel’s heart sank.
To be continued….
-----
Here we go! The biggest night of the year and culmination of Johnny Rebel Packed Wrestling is upon us.
It’s not even been a year since the ink dried on my APW contract and here I stand ready to headline the biggest event of the year. I’m the envy of the wrestling world and I am the reason why said world will be glued to their television sets in just a few short days. I can only imagine what the other three competitors are thinking about as they prepare to take the world’s largest stage. Meanwhile, I’m the only one of the four of us to have walked that path before and know what I have gotten myself in to. It’s a foregone conclusion that I’m going to come out with the Undisputed Championship around my waist as I have the tremendous advantage that tips the scales in my favor: experience.
It’s not a surprise that Jeff didn’t hesitate in handing over the keys to the company vehicle. I was the golden calf that saved this organization from going belly-up while the usual suspects went on hiatus. Ryan Ruckus? Gone. Pence Weatherlight? Nowhere to be found. Level-One and Sally Talfourd? Too busy playing spin-the-bottle in the corner. There are those out there that would like you to believe that I’m only in this position because I’m the last man standing. Guess what? They are right! They had their chance to eliminate me once and for all but I kept pushing. I kicked in the teeth of the best this company had to offer and shot down every promise that was made to knock me down a few notches. I’ve worked a long time to get where I am now and I have firmly entrenched myself atop of the APW empire and there isn’t anyone that can take that away fro me!
It’s the exact opposite of the path Kurt Noble walked to “earn” his spot in the main event of RassleMania. He walked in here riding undeserved hype and signed a massive contract that will probably never be rivaled in the wrestling business. I still remember the press conference and seeing his head balloon with confidence and pride without accomplishing a single thing here in the APW. Then in typical President Jeff fashion, he was given an Overdrive championship match without so much as stepping foot in the APW ring. Are you starting to see the problem here? Not only did he get to name the price it would cost for him to sign on the dotted line but also he got to call his own shots while he was at it! I sent the entire APW roster packing their bags back down to curtain jerker status and Noble was handed everything on a silver platter. Pathetic!
All of the questions I have about Kurt’s status as a main eventer here in APW can be summed up with the answer of one question: who is Kurt Noble? Some would argue that he’s on top of the world and the clear and unquestioned favorite headed in to the main event of RassleMania. Some would argue that he’s a legend ready to cap of a resume that would make him among the all-time greats in the wrestling world. The world must be sitting back wearing blindfolds and have two of their fat fingers shoved through their ear canals. I’ve been exposing this fool since the day he walked in to the APW and was projected as the savior. When I think of the name Kurt Noble, I think of nothing! I try to list a few things that he’s accomplished but for some reason they all run on the same theme: he made a good effort but he wasn’t quite good enough!
The fact remains that Kurt Noble looks to flap his gums but doesn’t ever really say anything worthwhile. Apparently, I’m the only one in the world to see through the drivel that spills out of his mouth every week and simply put? I’m sick of it!
It’s like he has some fairy godmother chasing him around and her supply of pixie dust is in short supply because he’s bound to run out of steam at some point. It’s only fitting that we’re in the middle of March Madness because Noble is nothing more than a 15-seed that fought just hard enough to eliminate a number two and be given the Cinderella label. Guess what, sweetheart? The clock is about to strike midnight and I’m the going to smash that pumpkin once and for all.
You are aware that the only reason that you even got a sniff of this match is because I’ve carried your behind up and down the APW for months now, don’t you? I’m the main-event. Without me than the best you’re going to do is rolling around on the mat with Chris Hart and the rest of the Overdrive hobknobs that President Jeff didn’t know what to do with. Please tell me that without your name being attached to Johnny Rebel that you’d be anywhere close to the status that you think you have achieved and I’d laugh all the way to the bank!
I’d be remiss though if I didn’t mention your current puppy love affair with President Jeff. As soon as he handed the keys to me he knew that he had made the biggest mistake of his life! He knew that I’d be the biggest star on the biggest stage that this company had ever seen and needed someone to come to his rescue. What a great way to make yourself relevant. Anybody who decides to take up the cause of a flailing president that has nothing else to lose deserves a swift kick to the rear end! He thought that you would be the one that might be able to reign in a rebel but how that has backfired! You were the martyr and you played it oh-so-well. You simply served the purpose of feeding the giant that was waiting to be awakened inside of me. It was only when you failed your first task that your mission morphed in to the chance of a lifetime at winning the Undisputed Championship. You are a disposable tool that Jeff is squeezing to get whatever is left out of it. I’m afraid for you that when he realizes you’ve got nothing left to give that he’s going to cast you aside like he’s done for every other megastar that has walked through those doors. You don’t have to worry about failing again because rest assured I’ll make sure of it! You can take that to the bank!
You can’t stop me, Kurt! Simply put: I’m better than you and I’m going to prove it once more at RassleMania.
Then there was Blade… or should I say Shank?
You more than anyone should know that I was trying to change; that I was trying to go about my business differently. But you had other plans and decided that wasn’t good enough for you! I was willing to lead you to unprecedented levels of success that you would have never achieved had it not been for me. I was willing to give you the extra boost that you needed to get over the hump and guess what? I’m still willing to lead you. That’s right, you hear me correctly: I’m willing to help you on you way back up. All you have to do is admit that you made a huge mistake by turning your back on me and step out of the RassleMania match and in to my corner. If I were you, I’d be all over such a deal but I know you’ll play it cool and take your chances on your own! Therefore, I’m going to have to do to you what I’ve done to the rest of the APW roster.
It’s not a stretch to say that you are the least deserving of the four of us to make it to the big match but it isn’t because of your lack of talent. It’s because you are mentally weak! You can talk a mean game and your ability in the ring goes a long way to cover up the cracks in your foundation. Ultimately, the weeks leading up to RassleMania on Overdrive have begin to show the cracks in your foundation and that you don’t have what it takes right now to stand on the porch with the big dogs. There were several occasions where you could have asserted yourself and put your stamp on the match but instead you went cowering with your tail tucked between your legs!
It all began with Survive and Conquer where you didn’t even have the stones to throw your name in the hat! There were 86 wrestlers from around the globe and all of them wanted to win APW’s biggest match of the year and then piss on the rest of the megastars that stuck around to go to work Monday morning. You had your chance then to defend the APW’s reputation but really put yourself in to the thick of things but you chose to piddle around about a name! That’s the major difference when looking at the two of us: I was fending of an entire organization that wanted to invade the APW and you were opening the card while the majority of the crowd hadn’t even made it to the stadium yet. It’s kind of like that thing in football when a player gets moved to another team but somebody else is already wearing their number. A real man would take their number and be done with the whole ordeal but instead of solving their problems, Yarmouth and Blade did a slow-dance around the APW for weeks. That’s precisely why you don’t stand a chance against the likes of me!
You are already at a severe disadvantage here as every man in this match has a singles victory over you and without doing a little research, I’d be willing to guess that you haven’t pinned any of the three of us. You are staring at a mountain and begging it to move but unless Moses comes riding down on a cloud himself, that mountain ain’t going anywhere!
It was on Overdrive the week after I defeated then Overdrive and Undisputed champion Biggs that I declared war on the APW. I promised that I’d stop at nothing to convert the nonbelievers to my side and that the banners would change from APW to Johnny Rebel Packed Wrestling. I’ve done everything that I said I was going to do and this Undisputed championship match at RassleMania is the last item to cross off my list.
#SIMPLY
#F’N
#PUT?
The two of you don’t have a chance of standing in my way!
