Post by biggs on Mar 21, 2012 21:59:23 GMT -4
“Sexy and I Know It” blares as the words TOO HOT TO HANDLE flash across a pink leopard print background. The screen then switches to the APW Tag Team Champions, The Studmuffins, and their manager, Biggs, standing inside the wrestling ring in Biggs' basement. The Studs are dressed in matching gold shorts and exercise shirts, and both are covered with copious amounts of sweat. Biggs is clad in a Seattle Mariners T-Shirt and ball cap, with blue exercise shorts. Sr. Guapo and “Stunning” Stan have their tag team championship belts slung over the their shoulders as they look directly into the camera. Biggs speaks first, talking in a serious tone.
Biggs: Welcome to Too Hot to Handle, starring none other than the APW Tag Team Champions, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante and “Stunning” Stan Everdeen, The Studmuffins! Granted, if you're watching this show, you probably already know that, but that's beside the point. The point is this Sunday, in Indianapolis, Indiana, where The Studmuffins defend their titles in a Four Corners Elimination Tag Team Match. Now I'd like to be able to say that they're facing off against the best of the best, but let's be honest here, just like Rico Casteel said in his promo video, the only two teams worth a darn in this contest are the Martyrs of Madness and, of course, The Studmuffins!
Stan: Listen, we're glad that we get the opportunity to defend our belts on the biggest stage of them all. We're excited to get to come out in an arena that large, in front of 70, 80, perhaps 90 thousand plus fans, many of whom will be cheering for us. They'll boo our manager, but they'll be cheering for us!
Sr. Guapo: And off that 90,000 plus will be thousands of sexy ladies! It's going to be sexy lady overload in Indianapolis! And while that may distract lesser men, the fact is that even though there will be plenty of women for us to hit on and seduce, our priority numero uño is to leave Indianapolis as we entered, the APW Tag Team Champions!
Stan: And to do that, we have to fight our way through three other teams: The Martyrs of Madness, the Hometown Heroes, and the SoCal Gangstas! Now whether some of these teams are worthy of a shot at our prestigious titles is open to debate, but we have not been focusing on that. As many of our frequent viewers may notice, we aren't in a club this week. We aren't drinking and dancing and having our pick of all the women. No, we are in the gym training! Because we know that this kind of match is so unpredictable, and could potentially go for quite some time. I mean it is a Tag Team Elimination Match! Say what you will about The Hometown Heroes or SoCal Gangstas chances of winning this thing, the fact that we have to eliminate them and The Martyrs, the inevitable clash between us and Rico Casteel & Mike Morrison could simply come down to which team has better conditioning. And our manager Biggs is one of the best there is at training in this area.
Sr. Guapo: He's been working us so hard that we're more tired after 10 minutes in that ring than we would be after uña noche de sexy time, but we are muy confident that it will reward us come our match at RassleMania!
Stan: I mean, ideally, we could get the SoCal Gangstas and Hometown Heroes out quickly, and focus on the real challenge, but we've got to be prepared for any and all circumstances that come up in that ring. We also have to accept the fact that this match could also come down to blind luck. Whether they deserve to be in there or not, HTH and the Gangstas could get a fluke pinfall or submission, so we have to be prepared for anything!
Biggs: To prepare The Studmuffins for this match, I had my buddies down at Pacific Northwest Wrestling come up to my gym and had the Studs wrestle several Four Corner Tag Team Elimination Matches. And while the talent level of these kids obviously aren't in the league of The Martyrs or Hometown Heroes if they actually applied themselves, they were easily better than the SoCal Gangstas! But the point of these matches wasn't to give the Studmuffins an idea of what to expect when they step between those ropes this Sunday, rather it was to prepare them to expect anything in that ring! Even though it's an elimination match and logic would dictate that you just let a team eliminate anyone when they have a chance, I gave the kids instructions to break any pinfalls the Studs tried to make, I gave them instructions to target my clients, because lets face it, Armando and Stan are the biggest targets in this match! As champions, there's a bulls-eye painted firmly on each of their backs, because second only to winning the belts, the most impressive thing a team can do in this match is eliminate the champions! The Studmuffins know this, and they are prepared for it. They might not have been in APW as long as the Martyrs, but these two guys have been a team since high school! They have each others backs, they know how to protect one another, they know that they can absolutely trust one another!
Sr. Guapo: Stan es like mi familia, my family!
Stan: And Armando is like a brother to me as well! We know what the other one is thinking before he even does it! We are simply put, the best team in this contest! Hometown Heroes, as much as we hate to say it, you just have not lived up to your potential. We appreciate the fact that you came to our aid a couple of weeks ago and we genuinely like you as people, but Rico really hit the nail on the head when he said that as a team, the two of you haven't gotten anything going in APW. As much as we'd like to see the two of you have a long, successful career here in APW, that just doesn't seem to be in the cards.
Sr. Guapo: Que lastima, because your little lady friend is muy caliente! But do you know who's not caliente in the slightest, it's the SoCal Gangstas! Now Sr. Guapo knows that you all think you got us good by hiring look alikes to come out of that gay strip club, and that you think it makes you look tough to call ravishing men like us gay, but all it does, Death and Disorder, is piss us off! I had one sexy lady turn me down this week because of your little stunt, and while I eventually got three more, she was really hot!
But beyond the lack of sexy time with the sexy lady, you two and your little manager, Adam Young, are more delusional than the ladies who don't think we're handsome! You had the audacity to say that we got lucky against the two of you on Asylum a week and a half ago. We got lucky? How? We beat you soundly, and we'll beat you soundly again this Sunday in Indianapolis! Because not only are we a million times sexier than you, we are flat out better than you! You two are nothing more than thugs, hoodlums that think they're a big deal, when they are nothing more than an annoyance! We'll slap you like we slap annoying flies, and you won't be in the match long at all!
Stan: Which brings us to the Martyrs of Madness. Rico Casteel and Mike Morrison, when we faced you a couple of weeks ago with the Tag Team Titles on the line, we knew going in that we were in for a fight, and believe me when I say that we expect an even better fight this Sunday! You took us to the limit in the Asylum, and we can only imagine how amped up the two of you will be on the biggest stage this business has to offer! But at the same time, you have to deal with us being just as amped!
Sr. Guapo: And just as you gained valuable experience facing us in the ring, just as you learned more about us, we also learned more about you! Of all the matches that could take place for the Tag Team Titles, we know that The Studmuffins versus The Martyrs of Madness is simply the best possible match up in terms of excitement and entertainment for the fans! In one corner, you have the fan favorite sexy beasts who know how to whip the crowd into a frenzy! In the other, you have two madmen who will sacrifice their bodies and their careers just for a chance a glory! And one of those madmen happens to be really stinkin' grande!
Stan: Just like it was two weeks ago, this contest at RassleMania will be a contrast of styles. Armando is technically sound as they come, and when need be, he can fly! I'm no slouch in the technical department myself, and I pair that with one of the best power games in the business! I'm not trying to brag, but let's face it, we aren't exactly known for our modesty, now are we!?
Sr. Guapo: No, we are not, mi amigo!
Stan: And The Martyrs, well, the two of you compliment each other well. You may not be as well rounded as Armando and myself, but between Rico's size & strength, and Morrison's ability to brawl with the best of them, well, you guys have a lot going for you as well. But just like a few weeks ago, this match is going to come down to who is the better team, and I emphasize team.
Because, Rico, we acknowledge the fact that you're one of the best the Asylum has ever seen. You're a former World Heavyweight Champion and the first ever Suicidal Champ. You have accomplished more in the Asylum than most of the roster can even dream about accomplishing.
And Mike Morrison, you are certainly one crazy character. You're unpredictable nature, your willingness to put your own body on the line, and the fact that you're legitimately insane, well, that makes you one of the most dangerous men in wrestling, now doesn't it.
But these titles over our shoulders aren't about individual accomplishments, they aren't about my accolades or Armando's victories. No, they are about our accomplishments as a team.
Sr. Guapo: We wrestled in high school together! We made our way through the independents together, traveling all over the country in my Ford Pinto for meager scraps, living from town to town for years. And believe me, sexy time was almost impossible in that Pinto. The fact is that this Sunday is the culmination of a dream for us! Ever since we became best friends in high school, we've had two goals. One, to bring as much joy to the ladies as possible, and two, to be known as the best team in all of professional wrestling! And we can prove just that on the biggest stage in all of wrestling, RassleMania!
Stan: The fact is, it doesn't get any bigger than RassleMania, and if you think that we're about to let ourselves be embarrassed in front of the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home on pay per view, well, then you've got another thing coming!
Biggs: And with me as their manager, you can rest assured that my guys will be not only the most prepared team in the contest, but also the ones getting the biggest payday! And to get that, they have the get the winners' purse! And Rico, I know that you're concerned that I'm going to play a factor in this match, that I'm going to somehow get physically involved. Well, you forget that I have recently suffered another concussion at the hands of C.J. Gates, and while I'm not above bending the rules, I'm also not stupid enough to jeopardize my health. Also, The Studmuffins asked me not to interfere, and since it's their night, I'm going to respect their wishes.
Stan: Rico and Mike, we know that you think we've invaded your kingdom, that we've come to take over the Asylum, but the fact is that we're only going where the competition is. Right now, you two are our only true competition in APW. Do we wish this wasn't the case? You bet we do. We wish that we could have four legit teams running this match. And while we can agree that The SoCal Gangstas and The Hometown Heroes can try to make some noise, we know that this match is really coming down to the our two teams. It'll be Overdrive versus Asylum. Finesse versus Brute Force. Sexy versus not so sexy. But in the end, the team that will be left standing in the middle of the ring with the Tag Team Titles around their waists and their arms raised high will be The Studmuffins! This match is all about proving who is the best team in APW, and that is us, bar-none!
Sr. Guapo: Come RassleMania, all of you will find out first hand that the best team in APW is simply...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
“Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again as the Studmuffins hand their belts to Biggs and slide into the ring, getting back to training as the screen fades to black. The APW logo and copyright flash across the bottom of the screen.
The next morning, Biggs and his wife Ellie are driving to the airport. Ellie's in the driver's seat, while Biggs is on his cellphone.
Biggs: Hey Stan, this is Gary, just giving you a friendly reminder that you and Armando need to be to the airport in an hour so we can fly on my private jet. If you miss it, you guys are buying your own tickets!
Biggs hangs up his phone.
Ellie: Did you get a hold of them?
Biggs: Nope, had to leave a message. I'm going to call ahead and make sure the jet is ready.
He dials in a number.
Biggs: Bill, this is Gary. I'm just calling in to see if my jet's ready. Ellie and I should be there in less than 20 minutes!
Biggs gets a puzzled look on his face at the response on the other end of the line.
Biggs: What? The jet's already left!? What the heck! Who authorized that!
His look of puzzlement soon turns to anger.
Biggs: Some Hispanic guy and a tall blonde?! Oh! Those guys are so dead when I get to Indianapolis!
Biggs: Welcome to Too Hot to Handle, starring none other than the APW Tag Team Champions, “Sr. Guapo” Armando Asante and “Stunning” Stan Everdeen, The Studmuffins! Granted, if you're watching this show, you probably already know that, but that's beside the point. The point is this Sunday, in Indianapolis, Indiana, where The Studmuffins defend their titles in a Four Corners Elimination Tag Team Match. Now I'd like to be able to say that they're facing off against the best of the best, but let's be honest here, just like Rico Casteel said in his promo video, the only two teams worth a darn in this contest are the Martyrs of Madness and, of course, The Studmuffins!
Stan: Listen, we're glad that we get the opportunity to defend our belts on the biggest stage of them all. We're excited to get to come out in an arena that large, in front of 70, 80, perhaps 90 thousand plus fans, many of whom will be cheering for us. They'll boo our manager, but they'll be cheering for us!
Sr. Guapo: And off that 90,000 plus will be thousands of sexy ladies! It's going to be sexy lady overload in Indianapolis! And while that may distract lesser men, the fact is that even though there will be plenty of women for us to hit on and seduce, our priority numero uño is to leave Indianapolis as we entered, the APW Tag Team Champions!
Stan: And to do that, we have to fight our way through three other teams: The Martyrs of Madness, the Hometown Heroes, and the SoCal Gangstas! Now whether some of these teams are worthy of a shot at our prestigious titles is open to debate, but we have not been focusing on that. As many of our frequent viewers may notice, we aren't in a club this week. We aren't drinking and dancing and having our pick of all the women. No, we are in the gym training! Because we know that this kind of match is so unpredictable, and could potentially go for quite some time. I mean it is a Tag Team Elimination Match! Say what you will about The Hometown Heroes or SoCal Gangstas chances of winning this thing, the fact that we have to eliminate them and The Martyrs, the inevitable clash between us and Rico Casteel & Mike Morrison could simply come down to which team has better conditioning. And our manager Biggs is one of the best there is at training in this area.
Sr. Guapo: He's been working us so hard that we're more tired after 10 minutes in that ring than we would be after uña noche de sexy time, but we are muy confident that it will reward us come our match at RassleMania!
Stan: I mean, ideally, we could get the SoCal Gangstas and Hometown Heroes out quickly, and focus on the real challenge, but we've got to be prepared for any and all circumstances that come up in that ring. We also have to accept the fact that this match could also come down to blind luck. Whether they deserve to be in there or not, HTH and the Gangstas could get a fluke pinfall or submission, so we have to be prepared for anything!
Biggs: To prepare The Studmuffins for this match, I had my buddies down at Pacific Northwest Wrestling come up to my gym and had the Studs wrestle several Four Corner Tag Team Elimination Matches. And while the talent level of these kids obviously aren't in the league of The Martyrs or Hometown Heroes if they actually applied themselves, they were easily better than the SoCal Gangstas! But the point of these matches wasn't to give the Studmuffins an idea of what to expect when they step between those ropes this Sunday, rather it was to prepare them to expect anything in that ring! Even though it's an elimination match and logic would dictate that you just let a team eliminate anyone when they have a chance, I gave the kids instructions to break any pinfalls the Studs tried to make, I gave them instructions to target my clients, because lets face it, Armando and Stan are the biggest targets in this match! As champions, there's a bulls-eye painted firmly on each of their backs, because second only to winning the belts, the most impressive thing a team can do in this match is eliminate the champions! The Studmuffins know this, and they are prepared for it. They might not have been in APW as long as the Martyrs, but these two guys have been a team since high school! They have each others backs, they know how to protect one another, they know that they can absolutely trust one another!
Sr. Guapo: Stan es like mi familia, my family!
Stan: And Armando is like a brother to me as well! We know what the other one is thinking before he even does it! We are simply put, the best team in this contest! Hometown Heroes, as much as we hate to say it, you just have not lived up to your potential. We appreciate the fact that you came to our aid a couple of weeks ago and we genuinely like you as people, but Rico really hit the nail on the head when he said that as a team, the two of you haven't gotten anything going in APW. As much as we'd like to see the two of you have a long, successful career here in APW, that just doesn't seem to be in the cards.
Sr. Guapo: Que lastima, because your little lady friend is muy caliente! But do you know who's not caliente in the slightest, it's the SoCal Gangstas! Now Sr. Guapo knows that you all think you got us good by hiring look alikes to come out of that gay strip club, and that you think it makes you look tough to call ravishing men like us gay, but all it does, Death and Disorder, is piss us off! I had one sexy lady turn me down this week because of your little stunt, and while I eventually got three more, she was really hot!
But beyond the lack of sexy time with the sexy lady, you two and your little manager, Adam Young, are more delusional than the ladies who don't think we're handsome! You had the audacity to say that we got lucky against the two of you on Asylum a week and a half ago. We got lucky? How? We beat you soundly, and we'll beat you soundly again this Sunday in Indianapolis! Because not only are we a million times sexier than you, we are flat out better than you! You two are nothing more than thugs, hoodlums that think they're a big deal, when they are nothing more than an annoyance! We'll slap you like we slap annoying flies, and you won't be in the match long at all!
Stan: Which brings us to the Martyrs of Madness. Rico Casteel and Mike Morrison, when we faced you a couple of weeks ago with the Tag Team Titles on the line, we knew going in that we were in for a fight, and believe me when I say that we expect an even better fight this Sunday! You took us to the limit in the Asylum, and we can only imagine how amped up the two of you will be on the biggest stage this business has to offer! But at the same time, you have to deal with us being just as amped!
Sr. Guapo: And just as you gained valuable experience facing us in the ring, just as you learned more about us, we also learned more about you! Of all the matches that could take place for the Tag Team Titles, we know that The Studmuffins versus The Martyrs of Madness is simply the best possible match up in terms of excitement and entertainment for the fans! In one corner, you have the fan favorite sexy beasts who know how to whip the crowd into a frenzy! In the other, you have two madmen who will sacrifice their bodies and their careers just for a chance a glory! And one of those madmen happens to be really stinkin' grande!
Stan: Just like it was two weeks ago, this contest at RassleMania will be a contrast of styles. Armando is technically sound as they come, and when need be, he can fly! I'm no slouch in the technical department myself, and I pair that with one of the best power games in the business! I'm not trying to brag, but let's face it, we aren't exactly known for our modesty, now are we!?
Sr. Guapo: No, we are not, mi amigo!
Stan: And The Martyrs, well, the two of you compliment each other well. You may not be as well rounded as Armando and myself, but between Rico's size & strength, and Morrison's ability to brawl with the best of them, well, you guys have a lot going for you as well. But just like a few weeks ago, this match is going to come down to who is the better team, and I emphasize team.
Because, Rico, we acknowledge the fact that you're one of the best the Asylum has ever seen. You're a former World Heavyweight Champion and the first ever Suicidal Champ. You have accomplished more in the Asylum than most of the roster can even dream about accomplishing.
And Mike Morrison, you are certainly one crazy character. You're unpredictable nature, your willingness to put your own body on the line, and the fact that you're legitimately insane, well, that makes you one of the most dangerous men in wrestling, now doesn't it.
But these titles over our shoulders aren't about individual accomplishments, they aren't about my accolades or Armando's victories. No, they are about our accomplishments as a team.
Sr. Guapo: We wrestled in high school together! We made our way through the independents together, traveling all over the country in my Ford Pinto for meager scraps, living from town to town for years. And believe me, sexy time was almost impossible in that Pinto. The fact is that this Sunday is the culmination of a dream for us! Ever since we became best friends in high school, we've had two goals. One, to bring as much joy to the ladies as possible, and two, to be known as the best team in all of professional wrestling! And we can prove just that on the biggest stage in all of wrestling, RassleMania!
Stan: The fact is, it doesn't get any bigger than RassleMania, and if you think that we're about to let ourselves be embarrassed in front of the thousands in attendance and the millions watching at home on pay per view, well, then you've got another thing coming!
Biggs: And with me as their manager, you can rest assured that my guys will be not only the most prepared team in the contest, but also the ones getting the biggest payday! And to get that, they have the get the winners' purse! And Rico, I know that you're concerned that I'm going to play a factor in this match, that I'm going to somehow get physically involved. Well, you forget that I have recently suffered another concussion at the hands of C.J. Gates, and while I'm not above bending the rules, I'm also not stupid enough to jeopardize my health. Also, The Studmuffins asked me not to interfere, and since it's their night, I'm going to respect their wishes.
Stan: Rico and Mike, we know that you think we've invaded your kingdom, that we've come to take over the Asylum, but the fact is that we're only going where the competition is. Right now, you two are our only true competition in APW. Do we wish this wasn't the case? You bet we do. We wish that we could have four legit teams running this match. And while we can agree that The SoCal Gangstas and The Hometown Heroes can try to make some noise, we know that this match is really coming down to the our two teams. It'll be Overdrive versus Asylum. Finesse versus Brute Force. Sexy versus not so sexy. But in the end, the team that will be left standing in the middle of the ring with the Tag Team Titles around their waists and their arms raised high will be The Studmuffins! This match is all about proving who is the best team in APW, and that is us, bar-none!
Sr. Guapo: Come RassleMania, all of you will find out first hand that the best team in APW is simply...
Both: TOO HOT TO HANDLE!
“Sexy and I Know It” begins to play again as the Studmuffins hand their belts to Biggs and slide into the ring, getting back to training as the screen fades to black. The APW logo and copyright flash across the bottom of the screen.
***
The next morning, Biggs and his wife Ellie are driving to the airport. Ellie's in the driver's seat, while Biggs is on his cellphone.
Biggs: Hey Stan, this is Gary, just giving you a friendly reminder that you and Armando need to be to the airport in an hour so we can fly on my private jet. If you miss it, you guys are buying your own tickets!
Biggs hangs up his phone.
Ellie: Did you get a hold of them?
Biggs: Nope, had to leave a message. I'm going to call ahead and make sure the jet is ready.
He dials in a number.
Biggs: Bill, this is Gary. I'm just calling in to see if my jet's ready. Ellie and I should be there in less than 20 minutes!
Biggs gets a puzzled look on his face at the response on the other end of the line.
Biggs: What? The jet's already left!? What the heck! Who authorized that!
His look of puzzlement soon turns to anger.
Biggs: Some Hispanic guy and a tall blonde?! Oh! Those guys are so dead when I get to Indianapolis!
To Be Continued!
