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100%
Apr 4, 2012 16:55:52 GMT -4
Post by Kurt on Apr 4, 2012 16:55:52 GMT -4
I said I would help promote the feedback board, so I'll be the first to ask for feedback! My piece this week is titled "100%" and is against Terry Marvin and John Dionysus. apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=odrp2012&thread=9714This is the second time I've asked for feedback in APW...and the first time I asked, the advice I received really helped me step my game up. So, is there anything I can improve on? Do my characters seem distinctive enough? Is the trash talk cohesive? Are there any fundamental problems? I really do listen to feedback, good and bad, so I appreciate any advice I'm given! Edit: You stop that Jason!
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Pepsi
Semi-Main Eventer
Posts: 605
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100%
Apr 4, 2012 17:42:35 GMT -4
Post by Pepsi on Apr 4, 2012 17:42:35 GMT -4
Honestly, there is very little to critique about your work. I have judged literally thousands of roleplays in my days of efedding as a Fed head, GM, and even pitched in with judging here from time to time.
Your rps are often among the best I have seen. There is really no advice I could offer you about your overall work, but for this rp I do have one critique.
I liked how well you addressed Terry Marvin, but I found the content on Dionysus to be somewhat lacking when compared to the amount written about Marvin. I know Noble has no specific beef with him, but if I was judging an rp and there was one guy who balanced his trash between his two opponents better than the other that would definitely come into play when making my decision.
Multi man matches are tough to rp for, especially if your character has more heat with one guy than the other, but the judge in me looks for a well balanced trash, whether your character likes the guy you're against or not.
Other than that I found it to be a well written and relevant rp, that kept on topic, and furthered your characters story.
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100%
Apr 5, 2012 16:14:17 GMT -4
Post by Jason Cashe on Apr 5, 2012 16:14:17 GMT -4
I'll start off with a for not making me the only dude wanting to film sex scenes in a promo. I too went that route first rp and I'd like to at least pretend our minds are great together but it's more I got lucky and had a decent idea. The back and forth between Noble and Amy feel so real with a small imagination. I'm able to visualize this like if I was reading it from a novel. It works for some but too many fail doing it at least for me. You keep it to the point and make it matter to the situation, not forcefully pushing your own side story and I applaud that all day. I hate scenes in a promo. I know alot of people do them but I just prefer the single "filmed" or live scene and it be the one promo. HOWEVER..You give the prospective of the other side of the phone, the things that are important to the Noble character, giving people not just an insight on Noble but his world. You do it without making it a side story. I just loved the work altogether here, a solid piece hands down. You give a spin on the typical "Trash talk at the end" with what feels like a Web Episode and that fits and works for Noble. You have a gentle way with your trash talking but give the facts and push who Noble really is in the way you talk. He comes off arrogant but humble about it at the same time and not very many people do that as well. Too many try, none of them Noble. <---Write that down.
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100%
Apr 6, 2012 12:13:36 GMT -4
Post by Kurt on Apr 6, 2012 12:13:36 GMT -4
Honestly, there is very little to critique about your work. I have judged literally thousands of roleplays in my days of efedding as a Fed head, GM, and even pitched in with judging here from time to time. Your rps are often among the best I have seen. There is really no advice I could offer you about your overall work, but for this rp I do have one critique. I liked how well you addressed Terry Marvin, but I found the content on Dionysus to be somewhat lacking when compared to the amount written about Marvin. I know Noble has no specific beef with him, but if I was judging an rp and there was one guy who balanced his trash between his two opponents better than the other that would definitely come into play when making my decision. Multi man matches are tough to rp for, especially if your character has more heat with one guy than the other, but the judge in me looks for a well balanced trash, whether your character likes the guy you're against or not. Other than that I found it to be a well written and relevant rp, that kept on topic, and furthered your characters story. Thanks for the insight bud. I felt like during my RM match that I didn't focus enough on Blade, or even Rebel for that matter, so it helps to hear that I'm not giving people equal attention. I'll be sure to be more consciousnesses about giving my opponents equal writing attention. Thanks for the positive remarks and constructive criticism! I'll start off with a for not making me the only dude wanting to film sex scenes in a promo. I too went that route first rp and I'd like to at least pretend our minds are great together but it's more I got lucky and had a decent idea. The back and forth between Noble and Amy feel so real with a small imagination. I'm able to visualize this like if I was reading it from a novel. It works for some but too many fail doing it at least for me. You keep it to the point and make it matter to the situation, not forcefully pushing your own side story and I applaud that all day. I hate scenes in a promo. I know alot of people do them but I just prefer the single "filmed" or live scene and it be the one promo. HOWEVER..You give the prospective of the other side of the phone, the things that are important to the Noble character, giving people not just an insight on Noble but his world. You do it without making it a side story. I just loved the work altogether here, a solid piece hands down. You give a spin on the typical "Trash talk at the end" with what feels like a Web Episode and that fits and works for Noble. You have a gentle way with your trash talking but give the facts and push who Noble really is in the way you talk. He comes off arrogant but humble about it at the same time and not very many people do that as well. Too many try, none of them Noble. <---Write that down. Thanks Jason! I appreciate letting me know what's working. What's funny is that is that a year ago, I despised doing multiple scene RPs because I felt it was unrealistic and made for less cohesive RPs. As my RPs started getting to 2-3k, it became harder to keep one scene relevant for that long, at least for me, ha. I only now try and so multiple scenes if I can find a way to link them together. Oh, and just for you, I'll use that quote in my next RP, ha. Thanks guys! I appreciate it!
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