I told you I'd wait until after the results of our match were posted...and now that they are, I'll help you out as best I can.
I understand where you're coming from. You're kind of like me a couple of months ago, stuck in a middle position where you're kind of wanting to get to the 'next level' and just need a little push over it...hopefully this is it!
"Cheating? Or just plain SMART!!!" Feedback
I the more 'informal' narration style works because I see Terry as kind of an unorthodox, off the wall kind of guy. Your opening paragraphs are funny, but if you can trim them down while still retaining one or two jokes, you'll be golden. Like, the first sentence is almost four lines, and is humorous, but we get the point when Terry starts gagging, ha. So basically, if you can, reserve yours words for more important sections, so as to get to the 'point' a little quicker.
I think you give a good sense of physicality in your RPs. People react in ways I would expect them to, and it's humorous. One slight improvement I think you can make is to remove the occasional instance of "telling." For example, here's a sentence that tells me a lot:
"Terry, feigning bordem and the possibility of falling asleep throughout Richards entire speech, cuts him off and starts talking in an over the top sarcastic manner with his mannerisms and expressions giving away that he doesn’t mean a single word he says."
You can accomplish the same goal by physically showing me this:
"Terry's head taps against the microphone as his eyes burst open. He feigns a yawn, before making the 'time out signal' to Richards, silencing the monotone man."
Trust that your readers will understand that Marvin's next words are exaggerated and that he doesn't mean them. You don't need to tell us that!
Only grammatical note I'm going to hit on (because I suck at proofreading too) is try and cut down on the run-ones. One of your sentences goes for six lines, with just comma after comma. It's okay to do this occasionally, but try and vary up your sentence structures. Long sentences all the time can create a dragging feeling. This isn't a full problem, because you don't do it all the time, just watch for overly long sentences.
You do a spectacular job of keeping wrestling relevant and making scenes count. The award ceremony with the Referee was hilarious, and I like that 'out of the box' kind of scene that holds that reader's interest.
I do think you focus just a little too much on Saint in this RP. You're selling this feud really well, but it does repeat occasionally. Remember that even if you have a big picture in mind, you do need to put importance on what's happening this week.
Your trash talking fits the Terry Marvin character perfectly. It's over the top, vociferous, and just entertaining to boot. My only real criticism for it is that I'm not the biggest fan of "talk about one opponent, and then the next" in a multi-man match. What I think would be more effective (and you do this already to an extent) is to pick a theme, and base all your trash talk around that. It'll give the RP a better flow, and allow you to develop trains of thought for both opponents simultaneously.
I don't feel like you have any major problems. You have a very vocal character that's, above all else, fun. I think if you correct the issue of making RPs more cohesive/trimming down 'telling points', that's what's going to put you where you want to be.
Goob job bud!
