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Post by yarmouth1 on Apr 21, 2012 6:32:18 GMT -4
Hi guy's and gals,
Was just wondering if you could give me any feed back on my Role play's?
I hope that I have improved from when I have first started, Blade gave me some tips as did some other people so may be they have got a little better.
But I would love your views on my Role Plays.
Cheers Yarmouth.
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Post by President Jeff on Apr 21, 2012 6:37:06 GMT -4
Post a link to get an RP reviewed
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Post by yarmouth1 on Apr 21, 2012 6:38:49 GMT -4
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Post by Kurt on Apr 27, 2012 22:52:19 GMT -4
"Changing Times" Critique I remember the last time I gave you feedback, I made notes about using commas in place of periods, not naming Yarmouth's Dad, and a few other smaller notes. Even before reading the RP, I see that some of these issues persist, but I'm really glad to see that Yarmouth looks to have taken more of a definitive stance as a character. I think you're selling a lot better than you used to. I like selling the bits with Royce, selling the loss, and the general emotional presence of events seems better; Yarmouth is upset, and his Dad is pissed. Even if it's brief, there's a nice little dynamic here between the two, and although "Dad" looks to be leaving, I'm looking forward to seeing how this angle with Royce impacts Yarmouth. I like the "two challenges" structure of the piece. Definitely gives Yarmouth a chance to display his vocal skills. I'd love to see more little touches like this occasionally to lighten up traditional promos. I think you could have included a bit more match relevance, but you sold the Royce angle well, so it substitutes. I get that it's hard to get material for new people. Overall, in terms of character and character interactions, this is a much stronger piece than the one I reviewed months ago. Yarmouth has developed more, and it's entertaining. I still think grammar and syntax issues old you back to a certain degree though. If you can clear them up, you'll have a more finely tuned promo that will focus solely on Yarmouth. Good job bud! |
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Post by yarmouth1 on Apr 28, 2012 3:28:54 GMT -4
Thanks for the feed back Kurt, It's to find were to put the commas in and it seems to be a bit of a bad habit that needs to be sorted.
As regards to Dad that too as a habit that I can't seem to get rid of but he is leaving and so should not be an issue.
I will try and get some more match writing in my Role plays in the near future and once again thanks for the feedback it really does help.
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