"The Real Deal"'s House of Feedback

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=houseshow&action=display&thread=16928

So this is Ellis's first ever RP. Obviously at 800 words, it's only a fraction of what I can do, but it was by design just a commercial for the narrative portion instead of a full-blown "episode".

The character style was there: a foundation of aristocrat heel, but with a generous dash of eloquent idiocy (like Steve Carrell from the Office) and entitled wrath (my intention was to sell the idea that he can do whatever he wants because Prez Jeff can't change the fact that he's still rich; this is the basis for both his heel tactics & also how he handles losing)

The big questions:

1) Advice on how to make the show concept better? I will say that my intention is for each "episode" to focus on some random event or person (which appears to be how reality TV works, I guess) so if you have any ideas for said events/persons, then I'd love to hear it. (Bailey's idea of suing Billy Graham has..."promise".

2) the promo section: Did you want to boo him/kick his ass? Obviously, that's what I'm going for. Oh, and the bit where he messes up everyone's name is not going away. I love that as a heel trait.

Thanks for taking the time to offer advice, and I will reciprocate, and it WILL be long-winded. I don't know how to be succinct. Clearly.

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=17021

There's my first RP written for realsies.

The big ? I have is if splitting up the story & smack gave it the "real TV show with commercial break" feel I was looking for, or if it just confused everyone.

I of course accept any and all feedback you're willing to give. I even take feedback from other people's feedback!

Finally, bonus points for whoever caught the obscure allusion to Phil Atken.

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=17106

Here is Episode 2. Any thoughts on the preview bit in the beginning?

Also I hope nobody thought I was going racist. If you can't tell, these RPs are intended to be sprinkled with deadpan humor. The only thing offensive about Graham is that guys exactly like him probably exist.

Finally, bonus points for whomever caught the Terry Marvin allusion.

[sampsoncyprus]

I want you to know how fully over this character is with me right now. He really shines in his voice overs. I enjoy that his explanation of being a wealthy wrestler makes perfect sense in context to his character. Honestly, the only thing I would say is that the remembering names bit is a bit distracting for me. But that could just be me being new here and not knowing everyone yet.

[warrenpeace]

I love this stuff so far, I think you went a little overboard with the not knowing our names throughout, but it was hardly something to annoy or anything.

Keep up what you're doing, if not for anything else but my own amusement

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

I like the messed up names thing, but I think I'll stick to using the same name instead of different ones each time. Same effect: less confusing.

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=meltdownrp&thread=17213

So here's Ep. 3. First off, sorry about the pics. I had like NO TIME this week to RP, hence crashing at the deadline, which I HATE doing (and you know it's true, my two S&C's I was first and third to post respectively) The rushing is a shame because I'd love to have a good showing against TDB and I also loved my episode this time.

So, I made a mention to TMarv that he inspired me again. He tweets often about his private jet, and in an effort to make ELLIS seem even more extravagant, I went with the yacht. So thanks for that TMarv

Also, the No One skit was basically a segment I was saving for a rainy day. No One was the runner-up in my mental decision as to who I'd make for APW, so I wanted to feature him whenever I felt I needed to drop a strong segment. Hope y'all liked it.

Finally, I know I've only done a few RPs but I'm still open to suggestions. Warren was right that changing the names more than once was too convoluted, so that's a positive step. Any other feedback is appreciated because my lifetime record in APW indicates I have a lot to learn.

["The Real Deal" Ellis Graham]

apwprez.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=meltdownrp&action=display&thread=17307

Didn't have time to proofread more than once quickly. I caught one coding errors but missed the other.

If anyone is so inclined, I did have a question: the Jennings smack is short because I checked prior to it & I was already at 2850 with no time to go back and comb words out (truth be told, my Roberts rant probably ran long). So in that case, would it've been better to do what I did, or just leave it out altogether?

Also, for those who speak Spanish, I took the actual quote I had the Spanish policeman say & ran it through Bad Translator before converting it to Spanish. Why? Eh, I thought it was funny.

I also thought it'd be fun to subtly state why Ellis's friends aren't joining APW in a way that sold the moment. It may be a one-person inside joke, but those are okay now since I'm writing to enjoy myself instead of just to win.

[warrenpeace]

I feel that with a little more time and effort you could take this character pretty far. You are full of entertaining ideas when you have the time see them through. I appreciate easter eggs like the spansih translation and shit.

[Jason Cashe]

Bailey will for sure call the police. He'll have you arrested and blame his girlfriend too..